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johannesviii · 2 years

Text

History 101

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Crooked World).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

I really like the ideas in this book, and any kind of summary I could make of it would sound incredibly creative and exciting. Except it took me eight months to read it. I’m still not entirely sure why. The regulars were either a bit muted (Eight) or pretty good (Fitz and Anji), but the plot dragged a bit in the middle, and the ending is kind of underwhelming, even if it’s okay.

Maybe the book is too dry for my taste? 6/10

Oh, so this book features Miles' self-insert character uh I mean Sabbath

Well that’s just rude

There’s so much to unpack here

Loving the description

Ohhhhh they are in Paris!

But also in 1937! Please leave soon! You’re welcome!

Yeaaaah admittedly you didn't pick the best era to relax

And now for something completely different

Yeah this is all very something

That's what a good musical cover is

Are Absolutes just as deluded as Time Lords about non-interference or-

How boring of you

Eternal reminder that I love Fitz

Now you see me now you don’t

So you're visiting all the least interesting things in Paris got it

Are you gonna kill the guy like Griffin from Unnatural History probably would

Are

Are you an equivalent of Griffin but with the concept of subjective experience

Eight, accidental art collector

Glad this is finally addressed

Also:

sdfghjhgfFGHJKLKJ

[disappointed Fitz noises]

I shouldn’t laugh

Meanwhile this poor guy is being uploaded by the Absolute

RIP him I guess but I love the imagery

Stop it

Shit. You know... I hadn't even considered the fact that Fitz was technically already alive in 1937

BAD IDEA BAD IDEA BAD IDEA

Anji is concerned Eight is going to forget Fitz again

Don’t we all

Damn right

Meanwhile the Absolute is looking at humans like humans look at deep sea fish exploding when pulled out of the water

Hang on is this going to be another 'I love Anji' book

Are you running a program to debug space & time now

I like the 'history is subjective' angle of this book but it's starting to drag a bit

Has Fitz found a friend?

youtube

UNPROVOKED ATTACK

Everything turned out better than expected

Real talk, none of this should be this boring

Also real talk, this shouldn't be that surprising to you, Anji

So far I'm only invested in the tension between Fitz and that Sasha guy

HAHAHA is he wrong though

I knew this book was being suspiciously nice to Eight so far

“UNNERVING” IS THE WORD

Well, thank you for this disturbing thought I guess

Why is this cute. Why is any of this cute

YOU ARE FRIENDS NOW I DON’T MAKE THE RULES

FRIENDS FRIENDS FRIENDS

Jueves stop flirting with Anji please

How rude of them

We often think of historical events as big noisy things but depending on the observer they can either be terrifying or strangely mundane, really

TIME FOR SOME WAR CRIMES

You had one job, Eleana

You had one job

This is all very Fires of Pompeii

Anji fumbling with a rifle is weirdly endearing

I mean, Eleana isn't wrong, that *is* dangerous

This is getting confusing

“brothers” yeah sure

I’m not gonna lie I’m way too invested in these two idiots on a roadtrip through war-torn Spain

Why am I getting emotional

Kinda cool, but to be honest I’m still staring at the pages numbers as if I was looking at my watch

Yeah Fitz is like a bad penny

I love them your honor I don’t want them to ever be separated

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

This is giving me bad flashbacks from back when I occasionally slept outside

Why am I so emotional about this

YESSSSSSSSSS SASHA IS BACK

Meanwhile the TARDIS is still feeling sick

Yes we've known that for about 90 pages now can you please pick up the pace

I mean-

Of course I’m glad he’s back but I’ll miss his dynamic with Sasha

We know please hurry up with that plot

Why is this cute

Oh ok the dude is working for Sabbath

Still like him though

Hi what does any of that mean

Oh no

WAIT WAIT WAIT

STOP STOP HANG ON

FITZ AND JUEVES?

WAIT ARE JUEVES AND SASHA THE SAME GUY

Things are finally happening, at least

NO THEY ARE NOT

Usually I would be alarmed but I'm just happy something's happening

Hi hello what the fuck just happened

At least that was interesting?

Well here's proof I'm still not over Interference 2

For once it's Anji who's in a cell

Has

Has Fitz just admitted he slept in the Doctor's room at least one time while the guy wasn't there

Not gonna lie I feel sorry for this guy

Aw Fitz is concerned he'll never play the guitar again

Must be a Tuesday

How very Picasso of you, Absolute

Yeah they’re definitely the same guy holy shit

I wouldn't do that if I were you

Stop making me emotional for the guy who's working for Sabbath

YESSSSSSSS THEY’RE REUNITED AND HE’S GONNA GET HIM OUT OF DANGER

They tug on all my very specific heartstrings, like “falling asleep in a dumb place because you trust the other person to keep you safe” previously or “gently inspecting wounds” like here

I’m feeling emotions

Stop being cute

So it IS very Fires of Pompeii actually

WHY AM I LOW-KEY SHIPPING IT

Great nightmare fuel, thank you for that

Come on, don't make me think of better books

Now Eight is having a casual chat with Cubist Nightmare Man

A very cool visual

Again, very cool!

Of course. Where else

Interesting how the Doctor is technically perceived like a monster by this entity

But again this is kinda reminiscent of Griffin

youtube

Okay that was incredibly weird and cool

No idea how it worked though

Hi hello yes if he really is a double agent I'm gonna murder this guy

Ok no that’s a bit cheap

Eight, historical anarchist

GOOD

It's not like the other option is much better Anji

Ok this situation is pretty fun

Fitz is getting rather genre savvy now

Anji is mostly shrugging off all this weirdness

Great, now you can make terrible plans together

Hi Sabbath, fancy seeing you here, can you please give him back his second heart

Your 'chap' was my favorite thing in this story. Get out of here

Great but. Like. Can we leave now

Wait, here’s that motif of the eye in the sky from Henrietta Street again?

Please don’t do that

Godspeed Mags L Halliday

#history 101 #doctor who #eighth doctor #fitz kreiner #anji kapoor #edas #eighth doctor adventures #An EDA liveblog full of useless comments #long post

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johannesviii · 3 years

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The Crooked World

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Crooked World).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

Where to even start. Look, I tried. I really tried to like this book, but I don’t think I can. It has a couple of excellent scenes, and it’s not badly written at all, and the regulars are pretty great in it, and it even has some interesting things to say. But I’m sorry, I just can’t. And it’s not just that I don’t vibe with its ending or that some things in it are a bit lazy ; the issue I have with it is extremely simple and entirely subjective.

There’s no nice way to put it: anything that turns cartoon violence into realistic violence makes me ill. I have no clue why or how, especially considering how fond I am of horror in general ; maybe it’s the contrast between the cute designs and the gore? Maybe it’s the innocence of childhood morphed into something gruesome and deadly? Happy Tree Friends was very popular back when I was a teenager and even other students simply wearing t-shirts featuring some of the characters made me cringe. I’m not entirely sure why, but I’ve always hated it.

So yeah. Uh. This book. I really like parts of it but hate its entire aesthetic. I am in hell. Please send help. 5/10 (by default)

Ok so Tumblr forced me to change the theme of my blog, which means the background of my posts is white now, which makes it a LOT harder to distinguish where each screenshot stops, so I added a little border to them.

Let’s go.

Wait why are we in the Looney Tunes universe all of a sudden

How does this work? Is this the Land of Fiction? I’m intrigued

ASDFGHGFDFGH WELCOME TO A NEW EDA, DOCTOR

Oh shit, so the Crooked World works on cartoon logic, but it doesn’t extend to the TARDIS team

I like this realistic description of a cartoon bird even if it’s making me a bit anxious, not gonna lie

Ok no that cartoon ambulance is STRAIGHT UP giving me anxiety

Yeah no I'm absolutely Fitz in this situation

Meanwhile that bird is trying to kill Anji

Yeah no hold on a second, is the entire book going to be like this? Because this is nearly as distressing as Happy Tree Friends for me

And I do not want to go back to that era of entertainment

I cannot emphasize enough how much I don’t want to go back

Wait. Are you introducing this world to the concept of death

After all this time, he's still terrified of hospitals

Get me out of this circle of hell

GET BACK TO THE F█CKING TARDIS

Poor Fitz is worried sick and I am too

I would laugh if any of this was less nightmarish

Of course there's a Coyote too, why am I even surprised

Oh and Wacky Races too! I used to watch that! It’s called Les Fous du Volant in France and I know the intro by heart sdfghjkdfghjkjhgf

No.

I feel you Anji, I feel you

Thanks! This is horrifying!

Fitz being nice to the poor cartoon cat condemned to always fail at everything is giving me feelings

GOOD QUESTION AND I WISH THEY WOULD STOP

Hey give me back my ugly shirt

FINALLY SOME GOOD DECISIONS

Nice try, Fitz

Well, you've accidentally introduced the concept of death, for one thing

Oh my god Anji found the Scooby gang

(Gotta say one thing though, it’s weird she isn’t comparing them to the Scooby Gang considering she compared someone to Velma from the Scooby Gang in the previous book)

You know what? I'm ok with this.

They're going to make this entire place even more f█cked up that it already is

Fitz. Fitz this is a bad idea and you know it

THANKS THAT’S F█CKING HORRIFYING

Poor Fitz is expected to die at the slightest opportunity because he’s supposed to be a hero

Ah yes just what we needed: explosives

Fitz wasn't playing his “role” correctly and it was apparently enough to throw them off their respective roles as well

That part is cute, and also a bit Megamind in spirit

GOOD

Oh no FITZ NO

I KNOW I SAY “FITZ NO” VERY OFTEN BUT CONSIDERING HOW THIS WORLD REACTS TO NEW CONCEPTS THIS IS A VERY STRONG “NO”

and she grabbed the leader of the Scooby Gang

Which reminds me that most of Doctor Who works with the exact opposite of Scooby Doo logic

(source)

False alarm, things seem to be all right.

Also Fitz wondering if he should hold her hand or not is extremely cute

ASDFGHJHGFDFGHJKJHGFDSDFGHJKJHGFD F█CKING HELL THIS BIT WAS AHEAD OF ITS TIME AND HAS AGED LIKE FINE WINE

STOP BEING CUTE

Fitz. Fitz my boy. Fitz my dude. Please don’t.

I still think this is the Land of Fiction but it probably isn’t

Must be Tuesday

Is. Is he accidentally going to bring the concept of sex in this world

I'm gonna scream

ASDFGHJKLKJHGFD

Me trying to speak English in all my WIP videos

Ok I love this detail

Oh I like this conversation already. Go on.

Not what I expected, but very good.

NEVERMIND OH MY F█CKING G O D

A very cool but very surreal escape plan.

Poor little piggy

IGNORANCE AND BLISS: THE STORY

Real talk I don’t like the fact that the Doctor decided that changing this world to bring it closer to reality was automatically a good thing. It has some sort of unpleasant “you don’t know what’s good for you” vibe about it.

In other news water is wet

Oh uh well this hits harder nowadays, doesn’t it

OH UH WELL, THIS HITS HARDER NOWADAYS, DOESN’T IT 2: THE THRILLING SEQUEL

Of course it also means criminals get to be actually dangerous now

Hey, it almost worked though

Not so fun fact! Being tickled for too long actually becomes horribly painful because your body kind of switches automatically to “pain” mode

Eight. Always the optimist.

Hey um.... yikes?

Honestly if it's not the land of fiction I will riot

BEHOLD! One more reason to argue about The Colour of the Coat!!

This is a terrifying thought, thanks Anji

Hi hello yes remember my Happy Tree Friends comment

Well I'm in hell

Basically same

I think it's the fact they're portrayed as child-like innocent but SENTIENT beings that gets to me

Please look at my two idiots

Questioning the lethality of cartoon weapons by applying real-world logic to them! I like it! That's clever

W-

WOULD IT, THOUGH

WOULD IT REALLY

youtube

WOULD IT R E A L L Y

Eleven would LOVE THIS

This is the fourth screen from the same page. There isn’t a single thing I don’t like in the scene.

Also I need someone to read it with zero context like I need air

Ok so this book might not be the best experience for me but I think we can all agree this was the best scene so far by a mile

Meanwhile the Scooby gang gets existential

STOP WITH THE REALISTIC VIOLENCE ON TOONS ALREADY

THIS POOR CAT HADN’T DONE ANYTHING TO DESERVE A BROKEN SKULL

A genre-saavy Scooby Gang sounds like the most powerful thing in the world

Ah yes uh... another bit that hits different nowadays, doesn’t it

YEAH ALL DOG COPS ARE BASTARDS

Steve Lyons my dude my friend please, you can stop trying to give me nightmares any time now

Look what YOU'VE done to THEM as well Doctor

Oh come on.

In a way I’m also starting to wonder if it's also a not-so-veiled metaphor of what the EDAs did with Doctor Who, with all the added violence and gore. But if that’s the case, it's very superficial criticism

Ok this quote is raw as all hell

I should create a “Fitz No” button and push it from time to time

Honestly at this point I feel drained

Meanwhile here’s a Scooby Doo villain getting a taste of his own medicine

Yeah good

No offense Eight but I don't trust you and your shitty memory and I especially wouldn’t trust you as a lawyer

Isn't that a bit too late though? You brought all this change by accident and didn’t give a shit because you thought it was a good thing, and you’re only trying to actively help after some of them died

Are. Are you sure this is helping

I feel like I’m 11 and back in Civic Education class come on

Again with the whole “ignorance & bliss” aspect

I really don’t want to dislike this book, it’s interesting I swear, I just wish it didn't have gruesome realistic violence on toons

Uh. I can’t remember if that was discussed about Anji before. Interesting

The fact the Land of Fiction is more or less mentioned here makes me think it won't be that at all

The Scooby Gang is the best thing in this book, mostly because they don't traumatise me

Please never explain to them what an A bomb actually does

Very Good And Cute

ASDFGHJHGFDFGH THE MOOD WHIPLASH

He's scared to disappoint her oh nooooo

Oh this looped back on itself and ended up being cute again

Meanwhile the Scooby Gang was providing music for the chase in-universe

sdfghjkjhgfdfghjkh e l p I love them

Ah yes just as we suspected

The culprit is an edgy Power metal song

ASDFGHJKLMLKJHGFDSDFGHJKLM FITZ

I sense some awkwardness between these two

Something went wrong

Is an explanation coming at last

OH SO UH THAT EXPLAINS SOME THINGS

P E R F E C T

Fitz sabotaging the villains, everyone

Oh hey look, I was right about the whole Megamind thingie!

Also it’s very cute

O H

Ok I'll give you the cartoon logic pass for that one

O Please give us answers you ridiculous thing in disguise

OH. Oh so this book said ACAB, got it

This is both extremely funny and very unsatisfying I’m torn

FINALLY

So a human child crashed here, onto this... malleable planet inhabited by? living thoughts or concepts, maybe? and turned it into a cartoon

Makes sense. Also very underwhelming

Yeah so I'm guessing this is a world of pure thoughts then

WELL I’M NOT

You

You made things better, uh?

Are you sure about that?

What wait what

Is death no longer permanent

What a cop out

And the bastard cop now has the job the pig used to have

I mean

As he should

Is it too obvious if I say I’m glad this book is over? Because I am. It was interesting but please, let’s never do this again.

#The Crooked World #Eighth Doctor #Eighth Doctor Adventures #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #edas #doctor who #An EDA liveblog full of useless comments #long post #caps lock #violence tw #gore tw #body horror tw #all in written form but still

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johannesviii · 6 years

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EDA liveblog posts (so far)

Now that I’ve finally fixed the code of all the posts, all of them can be found under the tag An EDA Liveblog full of Useless Comments.

(I wasn’t actually liveblogging them at first, more like screening stuff I enjoyed. The actual liveblogs start around Longest Day. Also I never made any post about The Eight Doctors, haha.)

Vampire Science

The Bodysnatchers, Genocide and War of the Daleks

Alien Bodies

Kursaal and Option Lock

Longest Day

Legacy of the Daleks

Dreamstone Moon

Seeing I

Placebo Effect

Vanderdeken’s Children

The Scarlet Empress

The Janus Conjunction

Beltempest

The Face-Eater

The Taint

Demontage

Revolution Man

Dominion

Unnatural History

Autumn Mist

Interference (Book One)

Interference (Book Two)

The Blue Angel

The Taking Of Planet Five

Frontier Worlds

Parallel 59

The Shadows of Avalon

The Fall of Yquatine

Coldheart

The Space Age

The Banquo Legacy

The Ancestor Cell

The Burning

Casualties of War

The Turing Test

Endgame

Father Time

Escape Velocity

Earthworld

Vanishing Point

Eater of Wasps

The Year of Intelligent Tigers

The Slow Empire

Dark Progeny

The City of The Dead

Grimm Reality

The Adventuress of Henrietta Street

Mad Dogs And Englishmen

Hope

Anachrophobia

#an EDA liveblog full of useless comments #Eighth Doctor Adventures #EDAs #long post

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johannesviii · 6 years

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Anachrophobia

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Anachrophobia).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers. And screaming.

I’m glad this book is over.

Some of you might already know that if you want to really f█cking scare me, you have to go as abstract as possible. This is why I’m such a big fan of Cube, and even Cube², its terrible sequel with terrible, terrible CGI, which gets even more abstract and surreal than the first one. What happened? How did the characters end up there? How does it work? Are they even on Earth? We don’t really know. We do know, however, that if they don’t get out of the Cube as soon as possible, they’re all going to die.

Similarly: what really happened in Anachrophobia? Were Eight, Fitz and Anji really on another planet? Was it even real? Who are the clock people possessing everyone? We don’t really know. I do know, however, that at some point, I was so scared to read the last 50 pages of this thing that it took me two weeks to pick it up again.

Does it really deserve such a high note? I don’t know. I might come back later and change it. I’m not sure. I’m too busy being scared shitless. 9,5/10

WE’RE OFF TO A GOOD START, I SEE.

Well, this is an EDA, dude.

Oh, they are fighting a literal “Time War”! This has potential.

This shouldn’t be so cool.

Meanwhile, poor Fitz isn’t very good at playing chess and I’m laughing.

Excuse me I love that room

That’s the weirdest time travel explanation I’ve ever seen and there’s quite a lot of them in this series.

Try to keep up, Anji.

Hoping it's better than a certain other Narnia-like episode seriously am I the only one who hates The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe

Try to keep up too, Fitz.

Eight no

That kind of reminds me of Longest Day.

Eight oh my god

OKAY WHAT’S GOING ON IN THIS F█CKING WORLD

DOCTOR THIS IS A BAD IDEA

EVERY TIME YOU TRIED TO PRETEND YOU WERE AN EXPERT SOMEONE WAS WAITING FOR, IT ENDED BADLY. ESPECIALLY IN DARK PROGENY.

“And the man yelping in pain is Fitz”

Holy shit

This is an excellent idea!

Okay so this world is, like, capitalism on steroids

IT’S BEEN GOING ON FOR 400 YEARS EXCUSE ME

ANJI SDSDFGHJKIH YOU COULD HAVE WARNED HIM

Well at least Anji is keeping up

How much do you wanna bet that the opposite side is doing the same shit?

Okay now I’m starting to panic too

This is peak Eight right there

SAVE THEM

Why is this so f█cking stressful

THIS IS SCARY, STOP

Roll credits!

So Anachrophobia isn’t a phobia per se, more like a neurological trauma?

MhhhhhMMMMMMH NOPE

“I have some rather unsettling ideas”

You mean more unsettling than what is currently happening?

WHO. AM. IIIIIIIIIIIIII

Okay this is even worse

Eight please try to focus

Why is this book so scary

BAD IDEA

None of this is okay and this book needs to stop, which really concerns me because there’s more than 170 pages left.

Are.... are you hoping to spy on him too

So even after losing a heart, he doesn't need to sleep more. Interesting.

Holy f█cking shit

On the other hand, this is cute.

Ok ok honestly, fuck abstract horror, give me some gory bullshit over this any day, I’m going to have nightmares about this, I swear.

Also friendly reminder that this world is terrifying.

“Or out” oh no

Bad idea Doctor

BAD IDEA FITZ

Oh wow, that happened way sooner than I expected.

Fitz being an anxious little shit as usual, but really, who can blame him in that situation?

THIS IS ONLY PAGE 77, HOW CAN IT GET ANY WORSE

FFFffffffFFFFffFffffFFfF

GET THEM OUT OF HERE

Go Anji!

Can't they breathe for two seconds

Hey, some typical Eight echolalia, it’s been a while!

You idiots I love you

Hello Mr Mistletoe. You have a very silly name.

sdfghgfdsdfghj Eight no

The only weird thing about him so far is his name.

Oh no, what a pity, uh?

This is getting rather complicated.

NOPE nope no nu-uh no

N O P E

More echolalia!

I laughed

I’m so sorry for Anji though

ALL ABOARD THE NOPE TRAIN TO NOPEVILLE

NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOPE

Eight speaks fluent sarcasm but can't recognise it when other people use it and that’s extremely relatable

“Clocky” asdfgfdsdfg

Okay

Can I breathe now

Apparently not

Please don’t come any closer to that thing, this is very bad for my nerves

Okay.... now this is weird.

GOOD

Well this is abstractly horrible, thank you very much for that.

Poor Fitz isn’t going to get a nice rest in this adventure either

Well, you gotta stay positive, right.

Also you gotta learn to enjoy the small victories, right.

“I’ve been wrong before”

You don’t say

WELL, YOU SPOKE TOO SOON

Nice.

This is also nice.

On the other hand, this sounds extremely ominous. Is the war not really a war, but something else entirely?

Is... is it because that’s good for business?

That’s it, isn’t it?

How... how do you beat something that can rewind time? I’m sure there’s a way, but at the moment I’m too busy being scared to think of any clever solution.

I... I need a pause.

Usually, “base under siege” stories do nothing for me, but that one has a terrifying abstract menace, and that changes everything.

I’m back from my pause!

And we’re straight back into the scary!

I swear, this liveblog’s notes are 60% “nope” and I’m struggling to find new ways to express how hard I’m nope-ing

What ARE those things?

More importantly: do I even want to know?

Too soon.

Okay, now this is interesting. Because Fitz’s most traumatizing “life milestone” happened to the original Fitz, not our current Fitz. Would he be able to change the events from Interference? I’m not sure.

If he couldn’t change them or anything that happened before the “birth” of his current self, what else would he change? I’m curious.

I F█CKING KNEW IT. THEY MAKE THE WAR LAST FOREVER FOR PROFIT.

Have I mentioned recently that I love Anji

Because I love Anji

Also excuse me but why and how is Mistletoe still alive?

Why are you coughing?

Is it the heart loss? Is it something new? Am I being paranoid?

Awwww

Oh my god so that’s what he would change.

I have no words.

That is an interesting possibility, honestly.

How... how desesperate must Eight be if he’s seriously starting to consider gasing the whole station?

Ooooooh. Okay. That’s how you get rid of something that rewinds time!

This is very clever!

This is also horrible!

Thanks!

“Can I just shoot him now?” “No.”

Wait.

WAIT.

WAIT WAIT WAIT.

ARE YOU SABBATH

THAT WOULD MAKE SO MUCH SENSE

At this point I’m so scared I kinda want to cry

This book is like a collection of all the scariest things possible for me

I’d say “I can’t wait for this character to die” but if he’s Sabbath that’s gonna be a bit more difficult.

“I think things are going to get nasty”

IMPLYING THEY AREN'T ALREADY?

He’s way too happy about this very disturbing situation.

F█CcCkK

Please make it stop

Okay!

All right! Okay! Good!

But there’s 60 pages left!

That’s somehow more terrifying than everything so far!

I’m fine, I’m fine I’m fine

Have I ever told you that I really like the “Hurt & Comfort” trope

You cute idiots.

FffFffygtfghgfcyuCk

I need a break from this book.

Two entire weeks later, I’m picking this book up again.

And a weird roadtrip has started. And this is pretty funny.

No, we’re not. Ask again in three hours, Fitz.

Oh. I was way off.

As if they didn't have enough problems already.

In case you’re wondering, yes, I’m screening all the scenes where Eight goes into echolalia mode because it’s relatable.

This NOPE juice is delicious.

Poor guy, though.

No they’re not, are they?

Make it stop, I kinda feel sick

“More than anything, she wanted not to feel terrified”

F█CKIN’ SAME

They... they’re all already clock people, right?

I’m scared and I’m crying a little bit

I didn’t think the author would go that far

Clearly I was wrong

THAT’S

THAT’S AN EXTREMELY SPECIFIC FEATURE OF A LOT OF MY NIGHTMARES

A PLACE WHICH LOOKS LIKE IT SHOULD BE OUTSIDE, BUT WHICH IS ENTIRELY INDOORS BECAUSE IT’S IN A GIGANTIC CHAMBER OF SORTS

THIS IS EXTREMELY SPECIFIC

WHO ARE YOU AND WHO GAVE YOU FREE ACCESS TO ROUGHLY 17 YEARS OF MY PERSONAL NIGHTMARES

Ah, yes, great, please add more nightmares to the nightmares

That was predictable, actually.

This is Time Works all over again.

Please tell me the plutocratic empire doesn't even exist anymore.

I knew it.

Also that basically makes these things Capitalismisators 2000.

Oh. So they just wanted to get clear instructions.

AHSDFGHJKJHGFDERTYUHGB

Okay. Okay. He can control it. Good.

This book really needs to stop giving me fresh ideas for nightmares.

He won’t change anything anyway.

Wait. Will he?

Good.

Honestly, I'm pretty sure he'd unmake the entire Earth arc if he could.

“He’s having some sort of nightmare”

AREN’T WE ALL

How can they solve this in 13 pages??

WAIT

WAIT I HAVE AN IDEA

WHAT IF HE UNMAKES A THING WHICH HAS NO IMPACT ON ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED SO FAR, BUT HAS AN IMPACT ON THEIR FUTURE

What............. what is he doing

HOLY SHIT WHAT THE F█CK

BUT

But that’s a paradox, surely?

It worked??

Wait, is that why he suddenly felt really ill right after the mustard gas plan succeeded? Because that’s the point where he went back to kill himself?

So it didn’t change anything, did it?

I KNEW IT. I KNEW IT.

Wait, who are his associates?

THAT'S HOW IT F█CKING ENDS

ARE YOU KIDDING ME

If you wanted me to read the next book straight away, good job, though.

#Anachrophobia #Eighth Doctor Adventures #Eighth Doctor #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #EDAs #Doctor Who #an EDA liveblog full of useless comments #long post #really long post #caps lock #body horror tw #A LOT OF IT #gif

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johannesviii · 6 years

Text

Hope

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Hope).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

This suffers basically from the same kind of problems that Parallel 59 or The Banquo Legacy had: it takes forever to advance its plot, most of the interesting things happen in the last third or fourth of the book, and most of the plot and the characters are a bit too generic. The “surprise” villain isn’t surprising at all. Eight, apart from the multiple references to his lost heart, is dangerously close to “generic Doctor” even if he has a few typically Eight moments, and Fitz is written pretty much like he was written before the whole Interference business. There’s even some continuity errors (at some point it’s said that Dave has been dead for a few months, even though an entire year has passed just in Henrietta Street, and at least several months in other books, like Year of the Intelligent Tigers).

Anji, on the contrary, is one of the highlights of the book ; she makes very debatable choices, which have actual consequences, even if some plot points are solved a bit too easily in the end. I also liked that place and its inhabitants, even though I wish the author let us spend more time with them and less time with the villain.

So, yeah, not very well written, mostly bland and generic, but not boring. 5/10

Hey, a Dave flashback!

...................still too soon.

What’s with these books’ obsession with Tarot, seriously?

“Bread-loading skills“

♫ All my friends are dead ♫ push me to the edge ♫

I’m having Dark Eyes flashbacks, now. Eight really likes to go to the end of the universe, doesn’t he?

Fitz no

Oh fuck

Run. Away.

Just another day in the life of Team TARDIS

Now THIS is unusual

You know, the usual kind of distraction

IT’S A CYBERPUNK CULT

Ooooh I like this place.

And this is interesting too, even if it’s a bit cliché in scifi.

Yeah, Eight, going to the end of the universe is a bad habit of yours

I love this place and I love you, you idiots

I wish the inhabitants were nicer to each other, though.

Friendly reminder, I love this team

Haha the most valuable item in his pocket is an old and disgusting apple core. This is cool.

This is SO cool.

Okay, I laughed.

“Smiled with affection“

Oh.

WAIT FOR IT.

sdfghjkjhgfdsdfghjkfghj FITZ

Too many distractions for Eight to handle

DON’T HURT MY TRASH SON

There’s too many distractions, so he's dealing with them one at a time, haha.

“Some slight bruising” Eight you liar

YOU DON’T SAY

That sounds like a bad deal.

Turns out there’s a lot of things at the end of the universe.

Interesting. A dream about destroying Gallifrey, clearly.

Fitz if you can’t find a good rhyme for a word, change the fucking word.

Also I’m pretty sure this idiot ghostwrote a good chunk of Space Police Defenders of the Crown by Edguy. Which, in turn, reminds me I should make a post about the highlights of that album’s booklet, because:

On one hand staying indoors sounds like a good plan. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure Silver is a villain in the making.

A baby tree! :D

Eight in a nutshell

Don’t join the Cyberpunk cult, this is a bad idea

I have sudden and unexpected Cybersix flashbacks

THE MASTER

He’s probably not but actually I’d prefer it if that was him cause Silver’s quite bland, all things considered.

Okay, Silver is a cyborg. Yay. 83 pages out of 200 and almost nothing happened.

Okay all right now please tell a story

True.

Okay! Interesting! But can something happen how? Please? Anything?

FINALLY WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE AFTER 90 PAGES

Like this book has done so far

Well he isn’t wrong.

ANJI THIS IS A BAD IDEA

I laughed.

I can’t fault his logic

OUCH. OUCH, OUCH.

Classic unexpectedly scary Eight.

NO NO NO NO BAD IDEA NO NO STAY TOGETHER

Well this is disappointing.

I laughed but I’m not entirely sure why.

GET UP DOCTOR GET UP DOCTOR GET UP

So he can’t metabolise drugs anymore. Interesting.

Friendly reminder that Eight is still a Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant and has been like that since pretty much the beginning of the books

Ohhh, okay. So there’s humans under the sea in a bunker, and they think the humans from the surface are mutants. A scifi cliché, but still a good idea.

EVEN EIGHT THINKS IT’S A CLICHÉ SFGHJHGFDSDFGHJ

WELL IT’S NO AN EDA UNTIL SOMEONE GETS VIVISECTED

Okay okay I now this is a long screen, but TLDR, Fitz has been an adept of the cyberpunk cult for like 3 minutes and he has already created a schism in their religion and basically destroyed it

Thank you Anji for the summary

Well that’s what happens when assholes try to keep any “race” ““pure”“ isn’t it

Also that’s disappointing too.

SAVE HIM

This is good.

Silver getting his hands on all the scientific stuff in the bunker sounds bad.

He’s learned a thing or two from the Tigers :D

OKAY I LAUGHED LIKE AN IDIOT

Nice try, though.

Well, that’s convenient.

But still, phew.

Also this isn’t okay.

Please stop reminding me of better books.

Why am I getting slightly emotional about this

Well, that was quick.

It is, but I’m still quite happy for them.

THERE’S 60 PAGES LEFT, YOU LIAR.

F█CKING SAME

Anji no. I told you that was a bad idea.

You’re just being a baby, Silver.

Honestly if that book wasn’t from 2002 I’d say that’s a great parody of the Alt Right and its usual bullshit.

ANJI THIS IS STILL A VERY BAD IDEA AND YOU CAN STILL CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THIS

This book’s world is like Fury Road but, like, on water instead of sand.

Where have I heard this before.

Oh, right, okay.

YEAH, YOU THINK

Have I mentioned that this was a bad, bad, BAD idea

F█cking knew it.

F█cking knew he was a villain too, it was way too obvious.

This is Clara’s betrayal at the end of series 8 all over again, isn’t it.

Anji has a point.

Probably not.

sdfghjhgtfrdesfghjksdfghjzert

To be fair, that would probably have happened with human guards too.

What wait no bad idea, Doctor come back here this instant

That’s wayyyyyyyy too easy.

Oh, well... Bye bye New Dave!

This way, way, WAY, WAY too convenient.

This IS Clara and Danny Pink all over again. That would have been more powerful earlier in the books, I think, closer to Dave’s death, but it’s still pretty good.

Honestly, Anji is the best character in this book.

Heavy-handed, but still good.

IT’S NOT AN EDA UNLESS EIGHT BREAKS SOME OF HIS BONES

GO ANJI GO ANJI GO ANJI

SHE KNOCKED IT OUT OF THE PARK, TEN OUT OF F█CKING TEN

Slow down for a minute, you idiot

It must be pretty weird to have only one heart left

Okay, so, in the end, New Dave isn’t dead, which defies my initial expectations, and this is a lot more interesting.

This is WAY better than I expected. Kudos.

Well, too late for that!

There’s something in my f█cking eye.

Also here’s a bit of the “About the author” part, and let’s just say this is all very relatable.

#Hope #Eighth Doctor Adventures #Eighth Doctor #Anji Kapoor #Fitz Kreiner #Doctor Who #EDAs #long post #an EDA liveblog full of useless comments #capslock #gif

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johannesviii · 6 years

Text

Mad Dogs And Englishmen

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Mad Dogs and Englishmen).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

I opened this book two months ago or so, started to read it, and put it down. I wasn’t in the mood for something silly, because some unpleasant things were happening in my life at that time.

The trouble is, even more unpleasant things happened, and kept happening, and two months later, I was like: fuck this, I need something silly right now. Let’s read the book with the talking dogs.

I read it in two days.

It doesn’t have the amazing, joyful worldbuilding of The Scarlet Empress, and it’s not as experimental and surreal as The Blue Angel. It doesn’t even seem to have an actual message. But it’s fun, it never takes itself seriously, it has a ton of entertaining characters and situations, and some scenes are completely hysterical to picture in your head. Exactly what you need after The Adventuress of Henrietta Street, and exactly what I needed in my life right now. 9/10

I don't doubt this for a second.

Also, I love the fact they didn’t care if the 100th novel had a bright pink cover with a dog wielding a laser gun on it.

I want to read that other book, now.

The what

I really like this idea of a book that took a lifetime to write.

Professor Alid Jag and Doctor Stellus Pontin officially have the best names.

Tag yourself I'm Stellus

Oh noooooooo

Okay, so... this story starts with accidental murder.

A typical day for Eight.

Good morning, Fitz! Eight has already accidentally killed someone!

Anji must be so tired of this bullshit.

Implying you are competent.

Well I'm sad now

Okay WHAT

That was lovely, and I kinda teared up??

I like this character!

HERESY

I’m still not used to this, by the way.

I can confirm.

Anji and Fitz are like “oh no, here we go again”.

azsdfghhgfggff

Wait wait wait, wasn’t this in the audio Find And Replace?

I don’t know why, but imagining this scene cracks me up.

It's like discovering Lord of the Rings is now suddenly all about possums.

Was that ever in doubt

I was just joking about the Lord of the Rings parallel, guys...

Is... is that the in-universe version of Narnia?

Welcome to the TARDIS, Flossie!

I hope nothing too horrible happens to you.

EXCUSE ME, THIS IS TERRIFYING

Okay oh shit where do I even start:

Emily is a companion we’ve never heard about before.

The Doctor forgot she existed.

However, ‘1960s teenage gear’ and the fact she doesn’t recognise Eight suggests she was a friend of One, or maybe Two. We don’t really know the Doctor’s age at that point, but there’s a good chance she’s been there for at least 800 years.

I keep joking about people getting lost in the TARDIS forever. Suddenly that joke sounds horrifying.

It gets worse. This is Eight’s original TARDIS, but some disturbing shit happened to it over the course of the EDAs.

So, presumably, Emily was there when it got turned into a small cube and slowly regrew for an entire century. There’s a good chance she was reconstituted with the rest of the TARDIS after being destroyed/crushed/killed when the TARDIS was similarly destroyed/crushed/killed.

It gets even worse.

Remember the Edifice in The Ancestor Cell? That gigantic bone-like version of the TARDIS where everything looked either dead, ossified or disturbingly deformed? Well, she was somewhere in there.

Sweet dreams.

Well, that’s Classic Who’s budget for you.

So we have the in-universe version of Lord of the Rings, Narnia, and now this guy. That could be various authors, actually.

Mental picture:

IT HAS BEGUN.

This is so fucking weird.

Hmmmm.

There’s a good chance they can watch the episode A Christmas Carol, then.

Wait, do they have human pets? That’s a disturbing thought in an otherwise weird and funny concept.

Of course he is.

Hilarious but still fucking weird.

Asfdfssgsdfsdfsfdfsshdgfff

gfdsstjsyjyfghfff FITZ, NO.

I mean yeah, it’s true, I know you’ve been in far worse situations, but you’re enjoying this a bit too much.

AQZDSTGSGFWSGFSGFAAAFFF FITZ NO

Oh. Great. They filmed Lord of the Rings with dogs.

Well I prefered the LotR version anyway.

I’m still not used to this whole dog-with-hands thing either.

No, you’re not.

Oh. I forgot about her.

Same, Fitz, same.

I like Flossie. Can we keep Flossie?

“We are poodles, Doctor. Of course we know of such things.”

This fucking book is hysterical.

Oh no you didn’t.

Ooooh they're gonna meet the author!

Don't make me sad in a book with talking dogs

I SAID “DON’T”

“lugubrious precision”

STILL TOO FUCKING SOON

That it, that’s Fitz in a nutshell.

Meanwhile, Anji wonders if she really wants to go home.

Okay, okay, I know this is a very long screen, but I love this dialogue.

Oooohhhh, okay, that’s how he fits in the plot.

I love this.

Oh, so Freer rewrote the book? Who’s Freer anyway? Why is he doing this

You're acting stranger than him, Doctor.

Fitz what the fuck are you wearing

What is her role in all this?

FITZ. NO.

(I think this book has the highest amount of “Fitz no” moments in all the EDA range... so far)

Flossie is brilliant and I love her.

She’s brilliant AND hilarious.

I LOVE THIS WHOLE FUCKING SCENE

Meanwhile Anji has just discovered the best timeline.

I guess this guy is Georges Lucas in this timeline.

Whoops!

The guy who writes the in-universe version of Narnia featuring Iris and her bus instead of a wardrobe based his Iris Wildthyme character on Baba Yaga. This is the best thing ever.

Have you really

SUDDENLY, MORE TALKING DOGS

I can’t fault her logic.

FLOSSIE NO DON’T EXPLAIN EVERYTHING

To be honest I would have done the same but still

Hold on, what

(I’m sorry this was way too tempting)

Wait, what’s going on? What is the animator’s role in that timeline then?

Well, that was embarrassing, Doctor

What

WHAAAAAT

Holy fuck

DON’T TALK TRASH TO MY SON

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

IS BRENDA SOOBIE SECRETLY IRIS WILDTHYME

This is all getting very complicated, especially for a book about talking dogs.

Alid Jag isn’t dead and he’s using a human as a puppet

What the fuck is going on

It’s a bus, isn’t it.

I FUCKING KNEW IT.

I concur, too

The in-universe equivalent of Harryhausen brought his entire army of stopmotion creatures to attack the in-universe equivalent of Lucas and I absolutely love it.

Meanwhile, Tyler is still faceless.

I feel like there’s other, parallel adventures going on somewhere on this train. What’s up with the hat full of kittens?

This goddamm book, I swear

I LAUGHED SO FUCKING HARD

No, actually.

azertytresdfghfdfg what

Fitz is like “oh no not this bullshit again”

Not sure if this is a very good or a very bad idea.

Pfffft “Imperial Poodles”

The Hoth battle, except better.

So wait, is he the Master or just a guy who likes to be called ‘the master’?

Is... is he just an annoying fan of the book who wants to rewrite the canon to put all his headcanons in it

Laughed way too hard, again.

And not a single fuck was given by Eight that day.

Only in a Magrs book!

Oh, ok then.

They are so casual about it.

Oh, so that’s how he got his face back.

I laughed.

AND NOT A SINGLE FUCK WAS GIVEN THAT DAY²

Pinking shears that can cut through space and time. Just accept it, Anji.

NO IT WASN’T

Don’t give him ideas!

“When he was a very old man”

Eh eh

FUCKING SAME, NOËL

The main villains are all the people who were supposedly dead at the beginning of the story asdfghgfdfghgfdfg

Does anyone care what Fitz thinks

Ok.

Donna would be happy to know the Planet of the Hats and the Planet of the Boys probably exist, then.

Okay okay I know this is supposed to be a cool explanation but the resulting mental picture is hilarious

Don't spoil us the ending, Noël

This fucking dude invoked a poodle during a black mass. I can’t.

Why is this book so funny

THIS IS A TRAINWRECK

It’s Lord of the Rings again!

Thank you Captain Obvious!

Well, yes, sort of

Aww Iris noooo don’t cry

STOP MAKING ME SAD

THIS IS TOO CUTE, STOP

THIS FUCKING BOOK STARTS AND ENDS WITH ACCIDENTAL MURDER

Actually, Narnia would be a lot more fun with a double-decker bus.

So, in the end, Flossie is still alive at the end of this book, and even if she won’t stay in the TARDIS, she gets to travel with Iris instead! Even better!

I'm so happy for her :D

HE REALISED IRIS IS LIKE HIM

I’M SO HAPPY

THIS IS A GREAT ENDING A++

I TAKE IT BACK, THE LAST PAGE IS EVEN BETTER

THANK YOU MR. MAGRS FOR THIS GIFT

#Mad Dogs and Englishmen #Eighth Doctor Adventures #Eighth Doctor #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #EDAs #doctor who #long post #an EDA liveblog full of useless comments #capslock #body horror tw #(very minor)#gif #EMILY THOUGH

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johannesviii · 6 years

Text

The Adventuress of Henrietta Street

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Adventuress of Henrietta Street).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

“Let’s wish for something simpler next time. I need a break.” (me, right after reading Grimm Reality)

OH SHIT OH PLEASE NO NOT NOW. NOT. NOW.

This is not what I wanted.

I’m not going to make any friends here, first because I’m sure this book has a ton of fans, and second because I don’t dislike it for the reasons you might expect. Sure, it sidelines Fitz and Anji, sure, the ideas aren’t as numerous or groundbreaking as the ones in Alien Bodies and Interference, sure, the pace is extremely slow, sure, it does some debatable things with the internal logic of the series, and yes, sure, it mostly takes place in a brothel. But while these things can be considered problems, they’re not real problems to me. Some of the most creative things in this story are actually possible thanks to them.

No. I have a problem with the way this story is written and framed. And I can already hear someone saying something like "what, is the academic style too much for your small brain?", but I actually think it doesn’t go far enough with its fake academic style.

By all means, write a fake pseudo-academic paper! Invent a ton of fake sources and names! Write horribly long digressions in footnotes until they eat up the rest of the page! Analyse this story like a bad history student and put on paper some really weird conclusions about it- most of them probably wrong. Even if you don’t go all out and write House of Leaves lite, at least write Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell lite, please. Have. fun. with. it.

But it’s not written like a fake master thesis, because there’s no sources, no footnotes, no actual goal or real analysis (right or wrong), and in the end, it’s mostly written like a normal novel, except it has a very flat tone and often digresses to talk about historical events. Reading Henrietta Street is not like proof-reading a badly organised master thesis written by a dispassionate student: it’s like trying to read a novel buried under piles of gratuitous infodumps. And that’s a real shame, because there’s an interesting story somewhere in there. 4,5/10

Okay, this is interesting.

That’s VERY cool.

That part made me laugh pretty hard.

Apparently the biggest danger that sex workers face in their line of work is accidentally summoning demons, and that also made me laugh pretty hard.

I’m not sure this is supposed to be funny, but it sure is.

Aaaaaaand she actually summoned a demon by accident and that guy was killed. Okay.

That’s very nice but there’s a distressing lack of footnotes and fake references in that pseudo-academic book. Also if there’s no quote from the dream journal (or if there’s some, but boring), I will riot.

Okay, first, I have to say Scarlette sounds incredible.

Second, I immediately pictured her like Mylène Farmer’s 18th century libertine persona, except with black hair.

This is probably a bad thing.

Oh my god

Ah, I was starting to wonder where our main idiot was.

Please tell me Eight is fencing with Scarlette. PLEASE.

YESSSSS Oh my god what a wonderful mental picture.

SCARLETTE, NO.

WAIT WTF EIGHT HAS A BEARD NOW?!

Ooohhh, he has finally discovered where he was from and probably what happened to Gallifrey! Interesting!

We already kinda knew that was what made The City of the Dead and its magic possible, but it’s always nice to have a clear confirmation.

I’M HOWLING

"Hello I’m the Doctor, can I stay here" "Sure"

So he’s looking for magicians. And clearly doing some research. I have to ask, though: where are Anji, Fitz and the TARDIS?

Meanwhile, on "The Doctor Is Asexual", episode 75647

These books have recently acquired a strange taste for tarot reading.

Wait, the Doctor is sick?

That’s all very interesting but could you please hurry up a little bit?

Again, I wish this kind of fake document had fake sources and/or footnotes to accompany it.

Again, I wish there was a fake drawing and a fake source there.

Interesting.

Also... is it bad if I’d like to read that book instead of the one I’m currently reading?

So the demons actually look like apes. Uh.

How much do you want to bet these creatures were inspired by this painting?

I love this dialogue.

What is your plan and what the hell are you trying to do.

"When Scarlette asked reasonably what on Earth she thought she was doing"

I laughed out loud at this awful, awful typo in French. That should be "par les couilles" and the level of sheer incompetence on display here is worse than any misused French ever printed in these books (yes, even the non-sentences of The Turing Test).

If you don’t speak the language, don’t pretend you do & send it to an editor anyway. You already know I don’t speak English very well, but you don’t see me trying to get my English typos printed in a book costing actual money and bought by actual people.

What are you trying to achieve.

Well you’re not wrong.

FINALLY

This is a wonderful little scene.

"It’s worth stopping" YEAH YOU THINK

WAIT WHAT, THEY DIDN’T ARRIVE WITH THE TARDIS

WHAT’S GOING ON

Another wonderful mental image.

Okay so I think that’s an important character. I don’t think anyone spoiled me anything too important about this book, but I’m pretty sure this guy comes back later.

The fact I didn’t stop to consider how awkwardly Fitz would behave in a brothel is all you need to prove how innocent minded I tend to be

This would be so much better if it was either written completely like a fake academic work or completely like a novel, because this weird hybrid thing isn’t working.

CUTE

How much do you want to bet he did a James Bond impression.

Fitz no.

Also this is a pretty great scene.

Is that a compliment or an insult

Oh. So he was looking for magicians of sorts who could act as a replacement for the Time Lords?

Anji as a prophet and a force of nature is a marvellous thought.

"But they had a tendency to giggle every time [Fitz] walked past"

Okay, I guess Sabbath is bad news, then.

Is Sabbath actually human? Because if he’s a Time Lord survivor, that would explain a lot of things.

Probably panic.

It’s not a real EDA until someone is coughing up blood

Or because this book is clumsily organised.

And here’s another typo in French (éventrés).

Also who is that random guy with a rosette and why is he, like, metaphorically eating popcorns in the background?

Is that battleship a TARDIS?

It’s completely anachronistic, so it could very well be.

A question you could be asking yourself in quite a lot of these books, Doctor.

Take a shot every time an adjective reminds you that Sabbath is fat.

I’M HOWLING

Ohhhh is it his fault because he destroyed Gallifrey? Is that it?

What the fuck are you two talking about.

So the wedding is some sort of ritual? What?

What inspired the author to sit down and write this book also remains unclear.

That still sounds wonderful and I’d gladly read that book if it existed. Although it’s easy to picture it like some sort of Codex Seraphinianus variant.

A strange way to talk about regeneration, but a pretty cool one.

Of course, Doctor, of course.

Why is the author so fucking terrified by this very mundane detail about women.

"Assassin" as a noun doesn’t have a feminine equivalent so this is yet another typo in French.

Ohhh, is he trying to rebuild a TARDIS? Where is the real TARDIS, anyway?

You really don’t want Anji to have any kind of major role in that story, do you?

So this is what the ‘horizon’ is like. I like the black sun thing. Well okay it’s a bit of a goth cliché, but still.

I SPAT OUT MY TEA

DON’T MAKE ME THINK OF BETTER STORIES

And I’m pretty sure this would be a lot more dramatic if this book was written like a novel OR like a cold academic piece, but it’s neither, so it just sounds disinterested.

At least we have excerpts from the dream journal mentioned at the beginning!

...we know. It’s a very, very mundane thing, dude. It happens when a lot of women are living together. It happens in nunneries too. There’s nothing magical or evil about it, and this is getting very ridiculous.

Recently, in one of these liveblogs, I was wondering how many stories had living planets in Doctor Who and particularly in the EDAs... so I’m glad somebody else thought it was a recurring theme as well.

No seriously who the fuck is this guy.

Okay okay I laughed pretty hard.

I seriously doubt that.

138 PDF pages, and next to nothing has happened yet, apart from a lot of exposition.

Yes okay but could you please do something with this idea instead of just exposing it layer after layer?

A bit too meta for my taste, but still enjoyable.

Again, more explanations for this very cool concept, but nothing new.

Okay. Now do something.

We knew this already. Now do something with it.

An interesting parallel but the book still refuses to do anything with its ideas at this point.

Meanwhile, nothing happens.

YOU DON’T SAY

OH. Okay. At least we know the purpose of that wedding thing now.

It’s… very weird, honestly. I mean, the Doctor never really had ‘roots’ with Gallifrey, he hated the place (in Classic Who, at least – and in New Who as soon at it existed again) and tried to get away from it as soon as he could. But hey, fluidity in canon and all that, so why not. Can’t say I like it, but yeah, why not.

Meanwhile the Doctor gets worse and worse and Fitz finds yet another girlfriend "out of boredom"- which is understandable at this point.

Usually I would be like "OH NO" but since something is happening at last, I’m like "OH MY GOD, FINALLY"

Wait wait wait.

You know I try to avoid spoilers for these books but I couldn’t avoid this one. So.

Is this the book where Eight loses a f█cking HEART

I WISH

And now the Babewyns have a leader, since you persisted to do nothing.

Again, I wish this book was full of fake sources for this kind of things.

Good description of the TARDIS’ sound!

Finally, someone’s doing something about the Babewyns! Go Scarlette!

I like this detail.

WAIT A F█CKING SECOND

IS THAT THE MASTER

IS THE MASTER JUST CHILLING IN THE BACKGROUND OF THIS STORY WITH POPCORNS WHILE WAITING FOR THE SHIT TO HIT THE FAN

Okay, so the wedding plans had to be changed and now the bride will be Scarlette.

And the Master is drinking in the background, like:

Eh eh, so Moffat wasn’t the first one to think about this!

Take a shot every time an adjective reminds you that Sabbath is fat.

Holy shit, Scarlette rules.

And this is very sweet.

Well you’re not wrong.

Eight you are literally dying, there is no shame in using a wheelchair, okay

This is a great mental picture.

I’m pretty sure "howl of laughter" wasn’t the intended reaction, but I’m sorry, he kissed Scarlette and instantly started the apocalypse, I can’t stop laughing

You know what, just for fun, I am going to pretend this is a post-apocalyptic version of the Library of the Serpent’s Hand from the SCP mythos.

Ooooooh boy.

YEP. YEP, YOU ARE THE MASTER. YOU LITTLE SHIT.

At least he’s being reasonable for once.

How very convenient for you.

Yes I was about to ask, could you please hurry up and die already?

OH SHIT JULIETTE HANGED HERSELF.

YEAH YOU THINK

ISN’T THAT OBVIOUS WTF

Wait for it.

FDSDFGHFDSGHFDFH I KNEW IT

To be honest, this book is FINALLY getting intense and interesting.

WELP, FITZ ISN’T THE LEADER ANYMORE, BYE BYE FITZ

YOU DON’T SAY

Bye bye, Master.

You weren’t very useful, were you.

YOU DON’T SAY

This place looks terrifying in my head.

Finally, FINALLY, this book is gripping.

But it took the Doctor, literally dying on the floor, in a pool of black blood, in a post-apocalyptic dimension for it to become gripping.

Or just a self-insert.

OHHHH HERE IT COMES, FOLKS.

Ah yes, one last typo in French, just because.

YOU DON’T SAY

Hey, isn’t that the cover?

SFSDFGHGFDHHHH ONE OF YOUR HEARTS WAS LITERALLY TORN AWAY FROM YOUR DYING BODY FIVE MINUTES AGO, CAN YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN FOR A SECOND BEFORE CHALLENGING GIANT MONSTERS IN A FIGHT TO THE DEATH

Hi happy Eight, we missed you!

YES BUT SCARLETTE WITH A SWORD IS AMAZING

Holy shit, Eight.

Holy shit dude.

I hope Scarlette isn’t really dead.

Apparently she is. F█ck.

There’s hugs, though. Hugs are always good.

DOCTOR WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING

COME BACK HERE THIS INSTANT

OH SHIT SCARLETTE FAKED HER OWN DEATH

And she’s still pretty great, too.

How very convenient for you.

EXTREMELY OMINOUS.

Phew. I’m glad this book is over. It was just as exhausting as the previous one, although in completely different ways.

#The Adventuress of Henrietta Street #Eighth Doctor Adventures #Eighth Doctor #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #EDAs #an EDA liveblog full of useless comments #doctor who #long post #nostalgia #caps lock #body horror tw #blood tw

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johannesviii · 6 years

Text

Grimm Reality

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (Grimm Reality).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

Have you ever eaten a cake which was so full of delicious sugary goodness that you wanted to like it, but couldn’t bear the thought of eating more than a tiny slice of it? Well, this book is that kind of cake. Reading it entirely took me four months. At some point, I was certain I was approaching the end of the story, surely, but when I checked the number of pages, I was barely one third into the book. It’s exhausting.

Oh, it’s a good book. But it’s so dense, packed with so many details, full of so many characters who all have their own little subplot, that it ends up looking like a written description of a Hieronymus Bosch painting. It’s great, beautiful and complex, but it’s very hard to tell what exactly is going on, and it goes on for way too long. I want to love it as a whole, but I can only appreciate it in tiny, tiny bites. 8/10

Oh. So. This is actually like a Grimm tale, then.

What could possibly go wrong.

IT WAS A TRAP. SURPRISE.

Is this Oxygen

Okay yes this is definitely Oxygen

Doctor, you already know it won’t be marvellous for long, if any of your adventures can be trusted.

Or maybe it will! I don’t know! Surprise me.

“WE’VE LANDED SOMEWHERE! :D" Oh Eight.

SUDDENLY APPEARING FOREST

Ummmm.

You might want to run.

You idiot

I’m 100% on Anji’s side there

Doctor, no

I kinda like these aliens.

Meanwhile, Team TARDIS met a witch! :D

GUYS STOP LAUGHING AT HIM

okay I would probably laugh too

And now they’re in a market and I’m starting to enjoy this.

I’m laughing like an idiot

Anji, that was rude and uncalled for

“That’s not a good sign"

YEAH YOU THINK

Ahhhh this is too cute, I kinda want to draw Eight fixing the toad’s tiny leg now

The most difficult question of all.

This description makes me want to go back to sleep under my blankets right now

Oh wait, Anji’s been kidnapped because of her bargain, right ?

Also I can’t help but picture a warning sign for magical black coaches.

Fitz in a wolf-hide cloak is also an entertaining picture.

POISONED APPLE SOMNOLENCE SYNDROME OH MY GOD

Doctor you little shit

Wait, is the entire planet some kind of beast? What??

Probably.

He’s so happy to have learned a new way to insult people haha

Fitz you idiot, I love you but why are you like this

I’m starting to notice that everyone and everything here has a tiny backstory, and I’m really not complaining, except it’s giving me a headache.

That sounds like a bad idea.

Oh there’s a spirit trapped in a globe, now.

The globe isn’t bigger on the inside, eh

And now Eight has a gnome friend since he freed him from the globe.

Meanwhile, Fitz is scared to go pee in the woods. Really.

Gilfred you liar, you still have a lot of food.

Why do I get the feeling that this last sentence will turn out to have a useful and cryptic meaning later

And now this Alex guy joins Eight’s party because his friend was eaten by a… stove??

It happens, I guess.

That makes me a lot sadder than it should

EIGHT SAYING STUFF LIKE THIS SHOULDN’T MAKE ME SO SAD

Meanwhile, Anji makes things worse by trying to trick her captors into breaking her magical contract, and failing.

Oh my god.

I love this description.

OH SHIT FITZ AND THE PRINCES SLEPT IN THE HOUSE WHERE THE PEOPLE-EATING STOVE IS

THE ENTIRE HOUSE EATS PEOPLE OH MY GOD

THE WITCH TOLD HIM TO WATCH HIS BACK AND HE’S SAVED BY HIS WOLF-SKIN CLOAK, I LOVE THIS

Nice try.

STOP WRITING DESCRIPTIONS LIKE THIS, I’M OVERDOSING

If the bone in the inn was real, giants do exist here, so don’t worry too much.

Thanks! I can’t wait to see this character die a painful death!

This book in a nutshell

Meanwhile, an ogre has fallen in love with Anji and he’s calling his witch grandmother to help her- a sentence I never expected to write about a Doctor Who book.

Oh my god Anji.

TALKING SPARROWS

They’re trying to help Christina and I’m sorry but - TALKING SPARROWS AHHHH CUTE

Oh, that’s the cover of the book, isn’t it?

Something’s gonna go wrong, I can feel it.

Oh shit here it comes.

You kinda fell into that one a bit too easily, to be honest.

Meanwhile, in the giant’s home: alien geometry.

“No one in their right mind could find this fun”

Thank you Inex, that was almost helpful.

Eight you idiot

EIGHT YOU IDIOT

[Dr. Nyarlathotep fans cheering in the distance]

That made me laugh way too hard.

Try again, Eight.

I shouldn’t be laughing so hard but I can’t help it, this scene is hysterical

And he managed to get out by hurting the giant’s teeth, haha.

Well that sounds reasona-

-GODDAMMIT EIGHT

This is a fun little detail.

“Are giants accidents“

Uh. That was weird. Is the giant talking for several creatures now?

Well that’s reassuring.

Noooooo not the TARDIS keyyyyyy-

Who am I kidding, of course they’re going to find it later.

So the wishing boxes show an infinity of possible outcomes, and you pick one? Is that how it works?

That sounds exactly like all these fairytales where you pick three items to throw at your pursuer.

This is the mental picture my brain instantly provided for the river-sucker.

And that was exactly like one of those fairytales I was talking about, haha. Too bad this setting makes some things more predictable at times.

Meanwhile, Anji is in a contest against Christina to win the hand of that insufferable prince from earlier.

I swear a million things are happening in this story.

Now that’s just being mean to that poor guy.

And it doesn’t make any sense, too. Great job, prince of jerks.

This is cute.

Wishes really are some sort of medium of exchange around here, aren’t they?

I’m glad this minor character had his own little happy ending.

What the actual fuck.

Meanwhile, Fitz is in prison, because of course he is.

Meanwhile, another wish was used to cheat during the contest.

This is a lot more interesting than wishes solving everything, though. Go on, Anji.

Meanwhile, that random character knows way too much about Eight, and if I keep saying ‘meanwhile’ a lot, it’s because all this stuff is a bit hard to follow.

HOLY SHIT WOLFSKIN IS A PERSON.

That's... that's your only problem with this? All right, then.

ANJI OH MY GOD.

Hahaha oh wow, serves him right.

This strongly reminds me of a chapter from Mushishi where someone ate a fruit containing the memory of an old tree. Is this the memory of the planet?

Wait, the planet isn’t an organism mimicking a planet, but an actual living planet??

Also

Ooooooh. So that’s why the giant’s teeth were damaged. The miners did it to the planet.

Also, a planet called Albert is a wonderful thing.

Fitz, please never change.

So the wishes are bargains that the planet makes with its inhabitants? That’s really weird.

Doctor, admit it, you don’t have any plan whatsoever.

To be honest, there’s so many characters I had forgotten about her.

GOOD. VERY GOOD.

For once I think you should all listen to Fitz.

IT’S THE CERULEAN REVOLUTION, EVERYBODY RUN

Holy shit hahaha, that’s another wonderful mental picture.

Well Christina, the first thing you should know is that none of them has the faintest idea how this whole thing works.

I wonder how many stories in Doctor Who have this kind of "the planet/the moon/the star is alive" theme, now. Because there’s already been quite a few.

Oh so the wishing boxes are literally "potential futures” stored in tiny boxes, then. This is starting to make some kind of sense. Some.

WOLFSKIN NOOOOO

WHAT

OKAY SO WOLFSKIN IS NOW OFFICIALLY A PERSON AGAIN

WHAT THE HELL

YEAH YOU THINK

And now the lovesick ogre is back.

What did he wish for? I need to know.

Indeed.

Same, Fitz, same.

A perfect summary of all the plans Eight has ever made.

Ho don’t do it

Okay so he’s gonna pick what the beast is going to be.

Please don’t pick a rabbit. You know how that’ll work.

That was clever.

SHUT UP IT’S MAGIC

No, it’s only a law of storytelling.

And here’s the princess suffering from PASS!

FITZ NO.

Okay, so the wishing boxes are possible futures full of possibilities, spat out on this planet by the white hole nearby, and one of the possible futures quantum thingies became some sort of prince because it was sentient?? This is really weird.

IT’S A TRAP.

I love how Anji saw it as a long discussion while Fitz saw it as ‘fuck off’.

Whatever you do, don’t think of a giant marshmallow man.

I love this.

Okay. So he’s gonna wish for a tiny change in reality, and the quantum sentient whatever thingie will inhabit that change. I think. This is all very abstract.

Ah, I was wondering where the miners were going to fit in that ending.

That sounds like a bad idea.

Hahaha oh wow.

Ohhh, the Vuim captain wished to cure his entire species from a plague!

That’s pretty nice. Could have been a lot worse.

YOU CALL THAT UNCOMPLICATED??

Oh no that’s cute.

And Christina is a cat now, and too many things happened at the same time, so I missed how that happened, so I’m just going to accept it.

That was a good book, but I’m also glad it’s over.

Let’s wish for something simpler next time. I need a break.

#Grimm Reality #Eighth Doctor Adventures #Eighth Doctor #Anji Kapoor #Fitz Kreiner #EDAs #an EDA liveblog full of useless comments #doctor who #long post #gif #caps lock #eye contact tw

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johannesviii · 7 years

Text

The City of the Dead

Some A truckload of highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The City of the Dead).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

Okay, so, just imagine. In a parallel universe, one day, Clive Barker decided to write a Doctor Who story, and even if he tried to seriously tone down his usual mix of strange gore + weird sex + unusual magic, the result was still a bit too much for the series, but so good the BBC published it anyway.

Wouldn't that be great?

Now stop imagining, because it's a book written by Lloyd Rose, and it exists.

It's flawed. Of course. What book isn't? It sidelines Fitz and Anji near the end. Its twist could have used a bit of foreshadowing. It delights a bit too much in torturing Eight. But who cares, honestly. It still transported me in a world where there's real danger, and cute cats, and dark magic, and sugar donuts, and blood spells, and awful and weird and wonderful characters, and nightmares, and laughter. It's an experience, to say the least, and probably not for everybody, but my god, what a ride. 10/10

Okay, so, the only thing I know about this book is that I’ve got one friend who really likes it. And it’s by Lloyd Rose, aka the writer of Caerdroia. Will this book be weird too?

APPARENTLY YES. YES IT WILL. What a start.

Doctor, that’s called sleep paralysis. It might be scary, but nothing bad will actually happen to you, okay? Breathe.

Okay now I’m kind of nervous too.

[Unexpected Scherzo flashbacks]

That’s one of the most unnerving descriptions of Eight I’ve ever seen. Wonderful.

"I believe”

Oh don't start with the Earth Arc feelings...

RELATABLE

Museum of Magic? Take me there.

Art goals.

And the price for best out-of-context sentence goes to...

Excuse me, that's way too cool.

Also, it instantly made me think of which kind of bone I'd cut if I ever wanted to do this. Probably a toe.

So, magic is now a thing in this series. Hasn't been the case since The Scarlett Empress, I believe. Why do I get the feeling I'm gonna say 'that's way too cool' a lot over the course of this story?

I'm cackling

He really doesn't want to admit something's wrong.

Wait wait wait wait. What? The bone charm was in the TARDIS?

Doctor no.

Eight being distracted by donuts in the middle of a discussion about a murder, everybody!

A very nice beach

Hmmm cute? Cute.

The exact kind of offerings I'd like to get once I'm dead.

So, this story seems to be a murder mystery, and the goal is to find who the Magician is. I like it.

The Magician found Eight, then. Maybe he's the source of the nightmares?

Meanwhile, Eight tries to go to a goth party, and it's very awkward and relatable.

And Fitz and Anji are visiting New Orleans at night with a guy who pretends to be a magician, and Fitz keeps ruining his groove.

Swan, you're like a parody of a Mary Sue

GO UP

Meanwhile, Anji and Fitz both want to punch Dupre on the nose and I gotta say... me too.

Every conversation in this fandom ever

Guess that puts Dupre on the suspects list, then.

That sounds like the kind of ludicrously aggressive death electro thing I listen to when I need to use violent lines and colours in a drawing.

I guess we can also put Teddy-weird-artist-Acree on the list of suspects (even though his fear of going downstairs is a pretty good alibi). Also, bonus cat.

THIS CONVERSATION HAS ONLY JUST STARTED AND IT'S ALREADY GOLD

Eight's like "Hmmmm what makes people feel better, OH I KNOW. CATS. HERE. HAVE A CAT."

THIS IS GETTING BETTER AND BETTER BY THE MINUTE

(mid-liveblog update: I drew that scene before I even finished the book.)

He literally ran away haha.

Teddy Acree is cracking me up, seriously wtf

A perfectly reasonable suggestion, Doctor.

ASDFGHJFF He vaguely remembers the Daleks so he finds saltshakers 'sinister', I'm dead

UNREQUESTED 'THE TURING TEST' FEELINGS

SHIT, THAT HURTS

'What if I'm nuts?' 'I'm rather counting on it'

Interesting.

Eight already regrets starting a discussion with Dupre.

THE UNREQUESTED 'THE TURING TEST' FEELINGS ARE BACK WITH A VENGEANCE

Oh my f█cking god

♫ DO THE CREEP ♫

Aaaaaand I think we can also put Thales on the suspects list.

GOOD SHIT GOOD SHIT

Eight, this is a bad idea.

I love how he's dodging Dupre every time that weirdo tries to touch him.

Also, that's a very relatable reaction.

Eight is like "okay no, I'm way too asexual for this"

THE DOCTOR HAD DECIDED IT WAS ABOUT TIME FOR HIM TO LEAVE

'Hadn't he'

Something was actually summoned??

Can you imagine going home in a corset with spikes because you were stuck in it? Lucky he was here, poor her.

Mood

BIG MOOD

Not exactly a revolutionary development, but interesting nonetheless.

Oooooh. His nightmares are actually trying to take him somewhere?

FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT IN THE BOOKS, EIGHT IS VERY CLAUSTROPHOBIC SO I'M PANICKING A LITTLE BIT TOO

SHIT HE FOUND SEVEN IN HIS LOCKED MEMORIES

He has no way of knowing that was a past version of him, has he?

Okay so the Magician isn't Dupre. Which... isn't very surprising.

‘AN IMP WITH TERRIBLE EYES’

Hey look it's the best meme from 2016

HARSHER IN HI̟͔͈̻͓̱ͅN͓͇͉̗̜D̤̼̻͙S̮̤̱͓I͓G͔͉̱͓̩̦̠H͕̲̯T͖̰͎

10/10 conversation

Thank you for clarifying, Doctor

HOLY SHIT

THIS IS SO COOL

I MEAN I HAD A FRIEND WHO WAS A TAROT NERD AS A KID, AND AAAAH LOOK, THAT'S ALL THE CLASSIC DOCTORS AS MAJOR ARCANA

Of course Seven is the Hanged Man OF COURSE EIGHT IS THE TOWER ASDFGFFH THE FIRST MEANING IS 'BRUTAL CHANGE, DISASTER AND IMPENDING DOOM'

Now I want to draw all these cards with the Doctors on them, haha.

I keep thinking about Twelve putting like ten spoons of sugar in his coffee.

This book is starting to break the record for the most "asexual Doctor" moments. And I’m 100% okay with that.

YOU DON'T SAY.

He also vaguely remembers Faction Paradox!

I love how patient Fitz can be with him when he's not well.

He's in the past now and trying to find the source of the problem. That may be interesting. Or it will just make everything more confusing.

And I think that child might be the Magician.

LOOK AT MY FAVORITE IDIOTS BEING HAPPY FOR ONCE

it won't last long

'Your blood smells funny'

WHAT

WHAT she’s some sort of spirit what

UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE WEEK

I'd say 'somebody do something' but I'm sorry this is way too funny.

Probably.

Oh shit what the fuck. Is he planning to sacrifice him or something?

WHY DO I GET THE FEELING THIS SCENE WILL MAKE THE NUMBER OF LINES IN MY "EVERYTHING BAD HAPPENS TO THE EIGHTH DOCTOR" GOOGLE SHEET SKYROCKET

Eight might be the champion of gallows humor... but he's still starting to panic a little bit

The thing with the Doctor is, you know he can't die permanently since it would be the end of the series, but because he can't, they set the damage limit veeeery high, so a scene like this one is wayyy more stressful than it would be with a human main character.

Please be scared by the double heartbeat thing & let him go because I'm also starting to panic there.

THIS SCENE IS BOTH HORRIBLY STRESSFUL AND VERY FUNNY THIS IS CONFUSING

Meanwhile: what the f█ck is Fitz doing

Doctor please try to concentrate on a way to get the hell out of here

HE STILL HASN'T ESCAPED AND FITZ AND ANJI ARE WAY TOO FAR AWAY

UGH STOP MAKING ME LAUGH I'M TOO STRESSED FOR THAT

I SAID STOP IT

EIGHT STOP MAKING ME LAUGH THIS IS BAD

Meanwhile Fitz has decided to investigate a grave in the middle of the night, because why not, also I'm too stressed for that right now, go back to Eight

WHAT THE F█CK ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT I THOUGHT YOU COULDN'T GO DOWNSTAIRS WHAT THE F█CK

SHIT SHIT SHIT F█CK HE ACTUALLY DID IT F█CK

TEDDY YOU BASTARD

AQZSDFGHJGFFG F█CK

Meanwhile in the cemetery: I have a new suspect

Okay okay now back to Eight being sacrificed because holy shit

I was about to say 'if he could have done something, he would have done it sooner', but I just realised he expects the invocation to work, and call the thing which is chasing him in his nightmares.

Okay. Okay. That worked. Dupre's dead. Good. F█ck. That was so stressful. Also Eight is probably still bleeding all over the floor, but at least it's over.

TEDDY YOU LITTLE SHIT COME BACK & UNTIE HIM

ASDFGHJKHF

Was it really so difficult to tell the police someone was trying to sacrifice you for some bullshit ceremony? I'm sure they've seen worse.

HAHAHA THAT WHOLE HORRIBLE ORDEAL WAS WORTH IT JUST FOR THIS SCENE

Doctor, no

Asexual Doctor moment number 74612

Fair enough.

HE WAS STILL HIDING IN THE HOUSE

OH NO HAHA

GOOD. Thank you.

If the reveal is something like "hey it was the guy who died at the beginning" I'm gonna be angry.

I must admit no other character we saw so far is the right age to be the kid from the destroyed house. This is getting complicated.

SHIT. SHIT. I completely overlooked that. Good twist.

BAD TIMING BAD TIMING

Wait what the f█ck, if the Magician is attacking Eight right now, he can't be Thales. Who the hell is he, then.

WELL THIS IS NEW

And here we have Fitz trying to pretend he's interested in architecture.

Understandable after the recent events.

OUCH Were these feelings really necessary? I mean this book is intense enough as it is

Teddy is a little shit and at the same time it's impossible to 100% hate the guy, he's like a non-murderous version of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac

He was too obviously weird to be the Magician anyway.

Yeah, we know, Teddy, we watch that show

This whole conversation is gold.

OH SHIT

PLEASE TELL US WHO IT IS, THE SUSPECTS LIST IS NOW VERY THIN.

Wait, it's gonna be someone who already died, isn't it.

Perfectly confusing sentence, thank you Doctor.

Okay so, it's 100% confirmed, it's not Teddy. Not a surprise, but good.

STILL TOO SOON AFTER 23 BOOKS

Are they getting sidelined for the finale? Not sure I like that.

I'm cackling again

WHO IS IT

WHAT

HE'S NOT THE RIGHT AGE TO BE THE KID OR THE FATHER WHAT

WHAT THE F█CK HE WASN'T EVEN ON MY RADAR

WELL PLAYED

Oooooooh, he sacrificed his lifespan and so he looks older. Nice trick. Well played.

ALSO I JUST REALISED IT'S THE SAME TWIST THAT THE GAME 'HEAVY RAIN' PULLED AND I FINISHED IT ONLY A FEW MONTHS AGO I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING BUT NO

Ah yes, clearly there wasn't enough physical pain in this book already.

"You don't sound very certain”

This book is so weird, in the best way possible.

Woah the Magician's house nearly works like a TARDIS.

I just had a revelation. Of course I love this book. It's almost a Clive Barker book.

WE FINALLY KNOW WHAT THE TATTOO WAS

I love this f█cking book so much.

I also love Eight's reaction to that reveal.

OH SHIT WHAT

RUST IS USING HIM AS A WEAPON TO CONTINUE HIS VENGEANCE AND RETRIEVE THE AMULET I LOVE THIS

HOLY SHIT EIGHT

He's gonna leave him to... weird swamp creatures which are supposed to guard him while Rust is away, and I'm sure everything is gonna be fine RIGHT

'It's as if there were somebody else living in here with me'

I KNEW IT THAT WAS A BAD IDEA

WHAT THE F█CK did the swamp things trapped him in an imaginary world?

How long has he been there??

Everytime there's a good scene about the contents of the Doctor's pockets in these books, there's a better one in one of the next books, I swear. But I still doubt this one can be beaten.

That explains so much about the random cup of tea Twelve had in the middle of Skaro in The Witch's Familiar, too.

Third screen about the contents of the Doctor's pocket, because I'm still not tired of that.

Mrs Flood has access to this place. Is it an actual place then?

Asexual Doctor moment number 87454

Mrs Flood, NO.

Wait a second, is this place some sort of fairy realm? Is that why he refuses to eat anything here except what's in his own pockets?

Are... are you attempting to escape this realm by walking

Oooh isn't that the cover of the book?

Good point. Also I'm glad they're back in the plot.

I'M HOWLING

FITZ NO

AZSDFGHJ ANJI NO

OH SHIT SHE GUESSED WHO THE MAGICIAN WAS?! GOOD JOB ANJI

Friendly reminder: I love these two idiots.

FITZ TRYING TO PILOT THE TARDIS, EVERYBODY

THEY ACTUALLY SUCCEEDED

So it WAS some sort of fairy realm, woah.

WAIT WHAT

SECOND TWIST WHAT

RUST ISN'T THE KID EIGHT HAS SAVED?

THALES? IT'S THALES??

Wait wait wait, Teddy said Thales wasn't human either, didn't he?

Ooooh Thales is another Naiad!!

OH SHIT OH F█CK OH LORD

EIGHT, PLEASE NEVER DO THAT AGAIN

So he really was using the Void to track Eight, after all. The nightmares about Nothing chasing him were entirely justified and not a metaphor at all!

HOLY SHIT EIGHT NO BAD PLAN

The finale of this book is literally the concept of Nothing saving the day while Eight literally yells into the uncaring infinity of the Void. What can I even say about that.

He doesn't belong in the Void after all, so it can't really claim him. That should convince him he's not a complete monster, after all. Good. Good and nice ending.

Oh that's even better.

Good.

#Eighth Doctor Adventures #Eighth Doctor #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #The City of the Dead #doctor who #edas #An EDA liveblog full of useless comments #long post #appallingly long post #language tw #caps lock #body horror tw #violence tw #gore tw #eye contact tw #sex mention tw #gif

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johannesviii · 7 years

Text

The Slow Empire

Some highlights of the last EDA I’ve read (The Slow Empire).

I took these screens while reading, along with my reactions. As usual, this is full of spoilers.

What the hell was that.

Is the author trying to make a point about stories in the age of Internet? Maybe. It certainly looks like it at some point. Is he aiming for dream-logic? If so, he’s failing. Is he just being verbose for the sake of it? I don’t know. Maybe. One thing for sure: what passes for the plot is entirely based on a pun.

What makes it worse is that none of the regulars are written consistently (especially Anji), but hey, look, there’s an excuse for that in the plot! Except it doesn’t make sense even when the characters mention it. So yeah.

Don’t get me wrong, there’s a couple of great ideas there! And a few lovely scenes too! But without any solid plot or characters to back them up, they’re just isolated nuggets of brilliance in an aimless, verbose desert. 2,5/10

Okay I’m gonna stop you right there, that font would be okay in a comic but as a block of text, it’s hurting my brain.

On the other hand, I want to frame this sentence.

Or this entire summary, for that matter.

If we ever need more reasons to be scared of Seven, here’s one.

Yes but we’re 15 pages in already, so I hope not.

Nice.

On the list of stuff I need to draw at some point: the Stellarium.

Little moments like this, with companions just goofing around in the TARDIS, are really something I appreciate in these books.

Eh eh eh

You don’t say.

Going from the previous screen to this one took six pages. I have a bad feeling about this book now. As Eight would put it, “this is very bad indeed.”

Okay, I get it now: the author is a troll. Because here’s what happened to that other character: he used several pages just to say he fell asleep.

Eight is in full-on euphemism mode today.

Oh Eight.

GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE ALL OF YOU

Jamon we’re already at one quarter of the story and nothing much has happened yet, don’t make it worse please

What the hell are you doing

On the scale of Ridiculous Escape Attempts I give it a solid 7/10

I concur.

In a way, the author’s a genius; he’s paid to write ten lines where one would be enough. That’s very much like what I used to do at the faculty when I had to write ten pages on a topic I didn’t care about.

I concur².

Interesting.

That’s also interesting.

Great atmosphere here!

Congratulations: you’ve ruined it!

This is all very nice but why do I get the feeling that this plot thread won’t go anywhere either?

Eight, stop talking like Six.

Also is the book about storytelling? Is that why half of it is narrated by Jamon?

Best scene so far.

I’m curious now. What story is Eight going to tell? He was certainly good at telling stories in The Scarlet Empress. Which was also about storytelling. And also much better.

Probably Jamon, because we need to up the word count

Well doesn’t that sound familiar Let Eight tell a story now, please.

NeverMIND

Oh my god

That could be a lot of things in this series.

I kinda like this character, though.

Relatable.

I was starting to wonder when Eight would get hurt.

I snorted

SAME, ANJI. SAME.

Hmmmm no. Nu-uh. Nope.

AQZSDFGHJK

DOCTOR YOU HAVE A HOLE IN YOUR CHEST COULD YOU PLEASE FOCUS

EIGHT THAT WAS ALMOST A PARODY OF YOURSELF

That’s all nice and good but meanwhile we’re still searching for the plot

“Yet again”

ARE YOU TELLING ME SOMETHING IMPORTANT MIGHT HAPPEN AT LAST

What

Oh. Okay. They’re all in a different kind of narrative structure. I get it.

Yeah, yeah I got it. You can stop now.

This actually goes on for 15 pdf pages.

Don’t believe me? Anji’s out of it and it’s still going on for the other two.

Thank you Doctor for making it stop.

Well since you asked, you’ve been acting as if you were written by a guy who doesn’t know how to write you but is still trying to pretend it’s a plot point

I have no words

Wait a fucking second, is this entire thing just a convoluted way of saying Internet is destroying fiction?

INCLUDING ME

THERE'S ONLY THIRTY PAGES LEFT THOUGH, I'M SURE YOU COULD STILL PAD IT A BIT MORE

And here we have the author admitting the whole story had no point until now. Amazing.

Yeah, I agree, this is all a bit embarrassing, really. And I haven't even screened most of Anji's ooc moments.

...what passes for a plot is based on a terrible pun. My god.

Oh, so the transfer machines have a huge fault, then. Is that all?

Yeah, yeah I got it.

This is kinda reminiscent of The Unquiet Dead.

I love how Eight keeps throwing his companions away from dangerous situations. He did that with Fitz in Coldheart too.

Yeah let's not do that ever again actually

I'd say "pretty anticlimactic" but that would imply there were any kind of expectations

YOU DON'T SAY, JAMON

Hey there’s notes from the author, too. I haven't read them while reading the story. Let's see.

Fitz no

Oh my god.

Are you... are you advertising your other books now

I don't know if I admire you or hate you for admitting this. I really don't know.

This might be the first time I've read a terrible book which actually convinces me its author is somebody interesting and funny, because at least it was bad in an interesting way. Maybe his other books are better. We'll see.

#The Slow Empire #eighth doctor adventures #Eighth Doctor #Fitz Kreiner #Anji Kapoor #EDAs #An EDA liveblog full of useless comments #doctor who #long post #gif #caps lock #body horror tw

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