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radramblog · 3 years

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Putting Chicken Little in Mid instead of Shit is my hot take- a Disney animated tier list

Was talking about this shit with some mates and I had my laptop about with a blank page so why the FUCK not. It’s my blog, I make the fucking rules.

For the purpose of this tier list, Pixar does not exist. It’s fake news. Buzz Lightyear fucking who?

(see now I’ve gone after both dreamworks *and* Disney, you cant complain I’m biased)

First of all: the tier of things I haven’t seen and have no intention to do so. The absolutely fucking not tier.

A bunch of the old ones that no-one remembers are on here. Considering nobody talks about them, and they’re fucking Disney, how good could they possibly be? In addition to that, we have Frozen, something I considered watching at the time, and then it got huge, and I just got sick to death of fucking seeing it everywhere. It’s a universality poison, an oversaturation complex, and I absolutely have no interest in seeing us build a snowman. Can people please let this movie go already? (I think I’m very funny). Also, Dinosaur looks fucking awful (y’all know Land Before Time already existed right), and the trailers for Ralph Breaks the Internet did too. Which is a real shame, because the first one slaps. Wait that’s spoilers FUCK

Anyway next is the ones I haven’t seen but could possibly be convinced to.

The classics I haven’t seen live here. But it’s one of those things where like, am I gonna go out of my way for this? Am I deadass gonna go sit my ass down and watch fucking Sleeping Beauty as a 22+ year old bloke? Not unless someone drags me into it. I could be more easily convinced for like, Aristocats or Great Mouse Detective, because cute animals good, but you don’t have the same easy in for Aladdin or Princess and the Frog. Also, Tangled and Moana are there because like, I really cannot be bothered watching those, not my kinda jam, but if I put them in the fuck no category certain friends of mine would be quite upset.

Next is Shit Tier! Shit Tier has one member.

Home on the Range was. A movie. A lot of the time when you talk about the really bad movies, what gets brought up is a bad film (or other property) that’s just the sheer absence of good. And that is what I have to say to describe Home on the Range. A deathknell for Disney’s 2D animated division, and honestly American 2D animation as a whole. I don’t know how the fuck Princess and the Frog got made after this, because this movie was just genuinely devoid of anything memorable or entertaining. Man, it’s just cows.

The Bad tier has a lot more of the “absence of good” style- like, Cinderella isn’t atrocious, but what does it actually have going for it? I genuinely don’t remember. I only have vague memories of the Black Cauldron, but I believe the general consensus is that its Not Good. Pocahontas and Tarzan are messy and not in the fun way, and the Jungle Book is something I found exceptionally annoying as a kid. Probably because my brother likes it, nothing he likes is ever good (love you bro).

Mid tier is mostly just shit I don’t really care about one way or the other. Like, Beauty and the Beast is fiiiiiiine. I gueeesss. I don’t particularly care for Lion King either way, and please attempt to name a single thing that happened in Bambi after the mum got shot. One thing. I suppose I should attempt to explain my having Chicken Little here, even though everyone understands it’s a bad movie. And yeah, it is, but this is my Nostalgia Pick. I’m allowed one of those. I really loved that movie as a kid, And I don’t know why, I have no justification for this. It’s not that bad, surely. I refuse to watch it again to find out.

Also The Rescuers is pretty ok? I think? I remember very little about it. But The Rescuers Down Under has a motherfucking Goanna as the villain’s pet and she’s gorgeous. Movie aint great apart from that but the goanna gets it a whole bunch of bonus points.

Finally, some good fucking film.

Okay, let’s run this one down the list. Big Hero 6 was pretty good? I watched most of it on the plane, but I never finished is and I sure haven’t been assed to fix that yet. Wreck-it-Ralph was honestly really good, and the retro game shit was a direct target square at my face. Not top tier, but extremely solid. Hercules was a beautiful disaster, and Robin Hood was a disastrous beauty (and too many folks’ furry awakening for me to be comfortable with it (says the Pokemon fan))

Hunchback is genuinely quite good, athought you really need to skip past the gargoyle bits to get the best out of it. Zootopia gets a lot of credit, goes on top tier for a lot folks, but not for me- controversial opinion, but the second half was too heavyhanded for my taste. Like, I get that you had to hammer in that metaphor for the kids, but it really did it too hard for me. Also, they really made the villain a sheep, huh. Rude.

Alice in Wonderland is a beautiful creative classic with a healthy dollop of creepy, and I have too much nostalgia for Winnie the Pooh to put it any lower than this. Fox and the Hound and Mulan are the good shit, and I don’t have much more of a comment than that.

Finally, the top tier! Good movies allowed only.

You may notice that all these movies come from that era in the 90s where they actually let the creative minds behind the 2D animation team at Disney make the things they want to? And they cranked out the best 4 movies in the entire list. Like, goddamn. Treasure Planet is a fun as fuck adventure movie that’s criminally underrated and looks gorgeous, and Atlantis is just a more refined version of such (but I’m not quite as nostalgic for that one, sorry, also the second one exists). Emperor’s New Groove is just, such an incredible comedy flick, holy shit, they really did the nonstandard plot framing and fourth wall humour in this one, and they did it well. And Lilo and Stitch is, again, a perfect movie. I never know what to say about those. It’s so much less interesting to talk about things that don’t have flaws compared to something that does. It’s a perf fuckin film, fam.

And uhh, that’s the lot of them. Okay, that’s all the time I’ve got. I’ve got to get back to watching Shrek the Third on my friend’s TV.

(it’s not especially good)

#ramble #film #disney #tier list #i feel like a lot of people have stronger opinions on these that I do

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