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glitteringaglarond · 1 year

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How I would rewrite the LOTR movies aka my thesis statement in fixing what they did to Faramir (and others):

They should have been exactly like the books.

Aaaaand post.

But no I actually want to put some thought into this, because I truly hold that even with (most of) the changes, the PJ LOTR movies are truly works of art. I want to explore the idea of how to rewrite them within the framework of what they are, although obviously pulling from the books. A lot of this is an exercise in reframing movie scenes in order to better match book characterization.

My restraints are not to add something without taking out something of equal or similar length (with the exception of adding just one or two lines to a scene). For example, I could add in Tom Bombadil but then would probably have to take out Caradhras. But also if I wanted to include Eowyn's entire speech to the Witch King I wouldn't need to take anything out to do it.

I'm also not going to be sticking 100% to the books either. There are moments that will basically be "this isn't canon either, but it's closer to canon, and doesn't ruin this character in the process".

So let's do this!

The Fellowship of the Ring:

The first movie is, in my opinion, adaptationally the best of the three. There is a lot of excellent stuff that is cut out (Merry organizing the Conspiracy to smuggle Frodo out of the Shire, Tom Bombadil, Glorfindel, etc.), but all in all I would not change much of it.

Key word: Much

The two characters in the FOTR movie that I would tweak slightly, while still fitting within the time, structure, and pacing constraints of the movie, are Aragorn and Elrond.

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So we get to our first change: the infamous "men are weak" scene between Elrond and Gandalf. Because we all know that Elrond Peredhel, beloved brother of Elros Tar-Minyatur, foster father of Elessar Telcontar, and lore-master of all people, would never hold that opinion. So instead, I want to reframe this conversation.

Instead of being bitter and angry, I want Elrond to be sad. Instead of "men are weak" I want "What is the strength of even the men of Gondor against the power of the Ring," before going into a flashback where he watched Isildur take the Ring and made the mistake of not recognizing it. Frame it as building up the deceptive power of the Ring (which will then come into play later with how it fools Boromir), and how because of this mistake the power of the Ring overcame the strength of Men. "I was there, Gandalf. I was there 3,000 years ago when the strength of men was usurped by darkness. I was there when the shadow began to grow anew, in the same moment it was vanquished, and I could not recognize it."

(you get the idea).

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So now that we've changed Elrond, the changes to Aragorn's character that ostensibly come from the self-doubt he grew up because of movie!Elrond's "men are weak" policy need fixed as well.

Again, without just making movie!Aragorn into book!Aragorn, but just creating something within the movie framework that is more aligned with book!Aragorn, I suggest the following.

The scene with Boromir is mostly fine, so I shall leave it as is. The changes I make will happen when Arwen shows up and in his conversation with her. Her "Why do you fear the past..." will not be answered with "the same blood flows in my veins - same weakness" but rather "The very darkness that destroyed Isildur is growing. I have spent countless years being hunted by it, and now I must face it head-on", (implying that's what his fear is) which ties in rather perfectly with her "The Shadow does not hold sway yet; not over you and not over me." Thus we still get the impression that she is older and wiser than him, and even allowing him some level of vulnerability that he doesn't really have in the book, without removing his greatness.

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One final scene I would re-frame is the conversation between Elrond and Aragorn at Gilraen's memorial.

First of all, while I wholeheartedly accept that there is a memorial to Gilraen in Rivendell, I refuse to believe that it would be allowed to be so un-tended that Aragorn literally has to wipe off leaves and dirt.

Secondly, I want Elrond to be there first, and for Aragorn to join him. Elrond has been sitting beside the memorial of his old friend, because the return of Aragorn makes him miss her all the more keenly. "She wanted to protect her child..." etc. is a decent bit of dialogue and I would keep it as is. But now I'm making a change.

Elrond: "She knew in Rivendell you would be safe. In her heart, your mother knew your road would be full of peril if you were ever to come to the light at the end of the darkness."

Aragorn: "A light she could not find the hope to survive long enough to see."

Allow this to sit between them for a moment, before having Elrond ask a question: "And do you have the hope needed to find that light, Estel my son?"

This does multiple things. 1) It frames Aragorn's future as a choice. One he has already made in the book, but a choice I don't see a problem with making part of the main plot. It's no longer about not wanting "that power" or his fate, but rather whether or not he has the necessary hope to see it through (spoiler alert: he does). 2) It establishes the father/son bond the two of them have 3) It name-drops Estel. Which I love for reasons.

This would then cut to Anduril being re-forged, and Aragorn would have it throughout the entire rest of the movies.

Because I have now added something, I must take something away. Obviously, because Aragorn is no longer hiding from his destiny, we can take away the "you are afraid... scared of who you are, of what you are" scene between him and Boromir.

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Other than that, the only real changes I would make are let Aragorn be a little bit more involved in choosing their course. I'm fine with Gandalf being the one not to want to go to Moria, but Aragorn should suggest it as an alternate route instead of Gimli.

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The Two Towers:

I want to change just about everything about this movie, as it's the worst of the three adaptation wise. However, I am still going to stick to the general constraints of pacing and structure of the movie.

To continue on from the changes to FOTR, I'm going to talk first about how the changes to Elrond and Aragorn will have an impact on TTT.

First of all, Aragorn will be walking forward with the weight of his legacy on his shoulders and will act accordingly. This includes being dramatic about being told to leave Anduril at the door before going in to see Theoden.

Most of the whole "I do not want that power" plot is absent in this movie, but the dynamic between Elrond and Aragorn in those flashbacks would be massively different because of the changes I've made to FOTR.

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First, a minor change to the Aragorn/Arwen flashback. I don't want Aragorn filled with as much doubt as he is in the movie. Instead of "You must go with Frodo; this is your path" "My path is hidden from me..." "It is already laid before your feet, I want to reframe their conversation slightly.

Arwen: "You must go with Frodo and follow the path you have chosen. Follow your path through the shadow, to the light."

Aragorn: "And if the shadow proves stronger than the light?"

Arwen: "That is yet to be seen, but you cannot falter now."

And then we can keep the lines about "If you trust nothing else trust this... trust us" because my romantic heart loves them.

Once again, it reframes this into being about Aragorn knowing that his role is to be one of Hope that will bring about light after the darkness, but because his mother has just died, and very explicitly without any hope, he is allowing himself to privately express doubts. But it still does not take away from his greatness.

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Next is a change to the Elrond and Aragorn scene where he basically tells him Arwen is leaving and that's final. I feel I must repeat, this exercise is not me making everything like it was in the book, but rather making small changes that bring the movies closer to what they should have been while still sticking to the structure and pacing provided.

Once again, this is a reframe, and not getting rid of it entirely, because to stick with the structure we do need Arwen to start to leave.

Elrond: "Our time here is ending. My time is ending. Soon I will sail away to the Undying Lands and leave much that I love behind me - including you, Aragorn. Do not ask me to leave behind my daughter as well."

Aragorn: "You know that choice does not belong to me."

Elrond: "Her choice depends on you, Aragorn. Should you come to the light at the end of the shadow and take her hand, you will bring to me a bitter parting - one of the bitterest I have faced. And still, you will not spare her the grief that mortality ends in."

Once again, Aragorn won't really answer Elrond, but their conversation hangs heavily in the air between them. When he goes in to speak to Arwen, instead of trying to sneak off like in the movie, I would now reframe it to echo the conversation he just had with Elrond.

Aragorn: "You have a chance for another life. Away from war... grief... despair. A life where the bitterness of partings will not weigh heavily on you."

Arwen: "Why are you saying this? I made my choice long ago, to accept both the bitter and the sweet."

Aragorn: "But what of the griefs you force others to bear? Can we really inflict this sorrow on Elrond? On your own mother, who even now awaits you?"

Arwen: "Would you have me depart, Estel?"

And then cut out of this scene to the one in the movie where Eowyn is asking about Arwen, and have Aragorn answer "she is sailing to the undying lands."

Again, it's not exactly like the books, but it's much less "Dad doesn't approve of his daughter's choice in boyfriend" and more "This choice that they are making is one that brings as much grief as it does happiness". Also, it allows for another name drop of Estel. Which I love. For reasons.

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Shockingly, I would not change very much about everything going on in Rohan. Because the whole under-a-spell thing going on with movie!Theoden is easier for a general audience to understand, I would keep it. However, I would change Theoden going against Gandalf's advice to go to Helm's Deep. I would have Gandalf suggest going there, as in the books, and Theoden agreeing to do it.

I would also get rid of the entire Aragorn-falling-off-a-cliff side plot, and replace it with some Eowyn material.

Before Theoden departs to Helm's Deep Eowyn, of course, expresses her desire to join them. Instead he orders her to stay behind and rule Edoras, and we get a scene of her being dressed in armor and knighted. This makes it clear that while she is being left behind, her duty to Edoras is deemed just as important as Theoden's duty to Helm's Deep, even if it's something that irks her.

(obviously Eowyn not traveling to Helm's Deep changes the framing of her conversation with Aragorn about Arwen, but they can have this conversation as he is getting ready to depart).

I would also change the elves coming to Helm's Deep to the arrival of the Dunedain. Yes, this is a little bit before when they were supposed to show up in the book, but it that's a smaller change than bringing in a bunch of elves. We can also have Halbarad die here instead of at the Battle of the Pelennor Fields, as opposed to Haldir meeting his end.

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You all know the point of this exercise all comes down to what Peter Jackson did to Faramir, so let's talk about Faramir.

Objectively, the Osgiliath plot fulfills two purposes: 1) it extends Frodo and Sam's story, which in the book is much shorter than everybody else's story, so that they can still get about as much screentime as everybody else as each movie progresses and 2) it clues people in on what is happening in Osgiliath and in Gondor in general.

So let's fulfill these purposes without completely ruining Faramir.

First of all, instead of Faramir having his men bind Frodo and Sam's hands when he's taking them to Henneth Annun he tells them "Bind their eyes as we lead them onward - we must keep our secret paths a secret". This immediately keeps the momentum going, but instead of framing him as somebody who has the possibility of having a cruel streak (as is later proven true in the movie by him having an emaciated halfling brutally beaten), it shows that he's very practical in these dark times, but not cruel.

When Faramir mentions that Boromir is his brother go ahead and have both the flashback to his vision of the boat, as well as to him and Boromir at Osgiliath. However, we are getting rid of the retcon that ruins Boromir's motivations/character, and is part of everything going sideways with how the movies portray the line of Stewards. Instead of a victory speech after retaking Osgiliath, have the flashback show Faramir and Boromir fighting side-by-side, and being unable to stop the Nine from crossing over the bridge and then riding off into the distance. (Towards the Shire, being inferred). And when the Nine pass over safely, most of the forces draw back. So it becomes a victory, but a very cautious, uncertain, terrifying victory.

Give Boromir a moment where a young soldier, barely more than a boy, dies in his arms. This then ties in to how close he was to the Hobbits and how willing he was to die for them. When the boy dies, have Faramir pull Boromir to his feet and comfort him, showing that while Boromir is the support for the soldiers - Faramir is the support for Boromir. After taking a moment to compose himself, have Boromir joke about how he's not sure how he'll manage without Faramir when he leaves for Rivendell to get counsel from Elrond in the morning, and then switch back to the present.

This will be longer than the flashback in the movie, but now we don't need Faramir to take Frodo and Sam to Osgiliath to get an idea of what's happening there.

Now we have started establishing the kind of person that Faramir is, even if it's not completely book accurate, and can keep moving forward.

We will keep the sequence of flashback -> catch Gollum -> conversation with Frodo and Sam, instead of having the conversation where he finds out about the Ring before catching Gollum, but we will still change things a little bit. Namely: completely get rid of the scene where Faramir has an emaciated halfling cruelly beaten.

After catching Gollum, Faramir talks with Frodo and Sam. We're going to let him have a little bit more information than he does in the books, and he is able to guess who and what Gollum is.

Faramir: "Gandalf came to Minas Tirith searching for answers not long ago. It seems to me you two and your companion spell out the question he wanted the answers for. I do not doubt that Fate has bound you with the errand of my brother, who went in search of answers about Isildur's Bane."

Frodo: "Your guess is close to the mark, Faramir, but I am bound to secrecy and cannot say more."

Faramir then pieces the rest of it together and guesses that Frodo's burden is the Ring, and then says something to echo Boromir's words when he tried to take the Ring - which terrifies Frodo. "So your Burden is the weapon of the enemy, and you are traveling towards Mordor. Will you then destroy it? Is that your purpose? Deprive these lands of a powerful weapon?"

And of course Frodo and Sam do not trust Faramir. They've known him for a single day, so they jump back and draw their swords, but Faramir waves them down. "Put down your swords. I am wise enough to know that there are some perils from which a man must flee. Sit at peace! I would not pick up this thing and use it if I found it by the roadside - I know too well of the darkness, and do not doubt that the Ring would destroy all light, no matter who wielded it."

(Again. Not as good as book!Faramir, and we don't really get him realizing what happened between Frodo and Boromir, but certainly better than what the movie gave us.)

Also keep this entire conversation, because it's beautiful:

'Well, Frodo, now at last we understand one another,' said Faramir. 'If you took this thing on yourself, unwilling, at others' asking, then you have pity and honour from me. And I marvel at you: to keep it hid and not to use it. You are a new people and a new world to me. Are all your kin of like sort? Your land must be a realm of peace and content, and there must gardeners be in high honour.' 'Not all is well there,' said Frodo, 'but certainly gardeners are honoured.'

But now we run into a problem, in regards to the two reasons mentioned above as to why the Osgiliath arc was included: even with the extended flashback sequence, this still is not quite as long as what it needs to be to extend this portion of the story to match what's going on with the rest of the Company.

It's closer to the mark, but if we want to end Frodo and Sam's portion of the story at the end of the movie to them walking together at the edge of Ithilien after leaving Faramir, this needs to be a bit longer.

So follow Faramir as he goes to Osgiliath, departing from Frodo and Sam in friendship. Have him escort them as far as their paths coincide, and then leave them behind to go to Osgiliath. And have Sam say something about "He's like Boromir, this Faramir is. Only... only different" and have Frodo somberly agree.

Then have a scene with Faramir at Osgiliath, tension heavy in the air because they know another attack will come soon, and they only won the last attack because the enemy drew back. This will be intercut with the victory at Helm's Deep, and Sam's "folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't" speech.

Then we can get the scene of Gandalf, Theoden, Aragorn, Legolas, and Eomer's stunt double looking out in the direction of Mordor, and then cut back to Frodo and Sam with their "will we ever be put in songs or tales" conversation.

And there we go! We killed some time, didn't destroy Faramir, Boromir, or Denethor, and got to understand what's happening in Osgiliath a little bit better.

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Also, as it's relevant to mention this now, change the majority of Galadriel's voiceover at the start of the stuff with Faramir, because most of it sets up the arrival of the elves to Helm's Deep and the ruining of Faramir. Because the movies have established a connection between Arwen and Frodo, with Arwen taking Glorfindel's place, have the mental conversation be between Galadriel and Arwen, not Elrond. During this conversation Galadriel can talk about "the strength of the ringbearer is fading", but also talk about how Sauron's darkness is growing and hope dims. Imply that Galadriel's words, along with Arwen's conversation with Aragorn, is part of what convinces her to leave. So basically make the conversation about Frodo, Aragorn, and Arwen, and not about... ruining Faramir.

And then related to this, in the scene in the movie where Elrond talks about the future and Aragorn's death, I want to make a couple of changes. Arwen has had the mental conversation with Galadriel, and is now nearly convinced to leave. So she asks Elrond... what would my future be if I were to stay? And he tells her - similarly to what he tells her in the actual scene. And this, knowing the grief she will bring to her family and that she will not, in the end, escape herself, is what makes her choose to leave.

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One more change I would make is that the Ents decide at Entmoot to attack Saruman. Merry and Pippin helping convince them with the whole "the closer we are to danger the farther we are from harm" bit added very little time to the movie. And while that line is fantastic, I would rather see the Ent's come away from their entmoot singing and booming like drums.

Also, don't make Gimli the butt of the jokes, and give him his angsty but badass Helm's Deep injury.

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The Return of the King

A lot of the first bit of this move I'll leave mostly untouched. As much as I'm sad we don't get the scouring of the Shire I get why it wasn't included, so Saruman dies at the beginning of ROTK. Arwen also chooses to stay in Middle Earth after having a vision of Eldarion, and yes... even the bit with Gandalf taking Pippin to Minas Tirith because Sauron thinks he has the Ring. Although I will change what exactly it is that Pippin saw, and instead just make it that he was questioned by Sauron. And now they have to get him to Minas Tirith so that he's safe behind those strong walls before a Nazgul can get to them. (this can even be where we include an alteration of "the closer we are to danger, the farther we are from harm" line, because if they're riding for Minas Tirith they're actually getting closer to Sauron).

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The first major change (if I'm remembering the sequence of the movie correctly) is the scene where Elrond brings Anduril to Aragorn. Because remember, in my rewrite he has it from the time they leave Rivendell.

Instead of Elrond showing up with the sword, we'll have Arwen show up with the standard that she made for Aragorn and with a message from Galadriel, reminding Aragorn of the Paths of the Dead. Aragorn travels with her, Legolas, Gimli, and the Dunedain (who remember showed up at Helm's Deep in my rewrite) on that road.

I would also change absolutely everything that makes the Paths of the Dead humorous, absolutely including Gimli blowing away ghosts. It's going to be exactly like stepping into a horror movie. We also will not see them get to the ships, because I want the arrival of the ships at Pelennor Fields to be a moment of horror and doom until Aragorn is revealed to be on them.

When they arrive at Pelennor Fields, Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Arwen, and the Dunedain attack and kill orcs, while the ghosts are merely helpful in frightening them. They might not be able to be killed, but they can't kill foes either. They can just get them to drop their weapons so our heroes can kill them without any trouble.

Arwen can also continue traveling with Aragorn everywhere he goes, and can be part of the final battle at the Black Gate.

(again, not exactly like the books, but more in line than what we got while still sticking to the pacing and structure provided in the movies).

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Denethor is the other major thing I would change, predictably.

First of all, like in the books I would have Pippin and Gandalf see the beacons have been lit as they ride towards Minas Tirith, which increases Gandalf's fears. This, however, means we don't get the scene where Pippin has to light the beacon, so I'm replacing that with something else.

After the initial conversation with Denethor, which will automatically be a bit different because Denethor has already lit the beacons, but which will include Pippin offering his service, Gandalf and Pippin talk. Gandalf says Denethor is very wise and very powerful, but he fears how he came to have the information he has. Because Aragorn has not yet revealed himself. While this conversation with Pippin is going on, show Denethor in his tower with a Palantir, watching as Sauron's armies move slowly across Middle Earth and towards Osgiliath.

Cut to Faramir in Osgiliath, and the attack/retreat towards Minas Tirith.

Slightly reframe the scene with Faramir and Denethor, and make it clear that Denethor is so upset about Faramir sending Frodo towards Mordor with the Ring because he knows some of what is coming. "You did what you deem to be right, and yet you are sending a halfling alone to confront an entire army. He will fail, and all will fall."

Also don't make the ride on Osgiliath a suicide run, but an actual strategic move to buy time for Rohan to come.

Then when Faramir is injured, give Denethor another scene in his tower with the Palantir. This time, instead of just watching, have him seem to truly try to force more information out of it... and he catches Sauron's eye. "You think these armies are all you need to worry about? You know nothing. Hope is ended, and only time stands between you and death", he hears in his head as Sauron forces him to look upon the black ships, the massive armies, and Osgiliath smoking in ruin.

And that is when he goes truly insane.

Finally, instead of running a 5k off the wall, when Gandalf saves Faramir from the pyre, have Denethor pull out the Palantir and give Gandalf an echo of Sauron's words. "Hope is ended, and only time stands between us and death. So I choose my own time" before lying down on the pyre and burning, due to the oil poured all over himself, before anybody has the chance to save him.

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Frodo. Never. Tells. Sam. To. Leave.

We can extend their stay in Mordor a little bit to make up for it, time-wise. After they escape from that party of orcs they get caught up in, give them one last encounter with a couple of orcs deserters. The deserters see the two of them and try to kill them, but Sam fends them off. This encounter has an upside and a downside. The upside: these orcs had water, so now Frodo and Sam have more than they did before. The downside: they are now even more exhausted then they were before.

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Actually give Faramir and Eowyn more time in the Houses of Healing to make the movie romance work. Partially fixing Faramir's character goes a long way in making it work better now, but one scene where they stare at each other is Not Enough.

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Not all of this is perfect, of course, but that's how I would effect a rewrite of the PJ LOTR movies without massively changing the basic pacing, structure, and scene-placement that we were given.

If you made it to the end, what do you think? Is this better or worse than what we got?

#lotr #the lord of the rings #lord of the rings #my op

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morwensteelsheen · 2 years

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@tinacharles replied to your post:

I want to hate this like instinctually but instead I yam intrigued….

I also hate it lmao Faramir/Arwen stuff gives me the most intense This Couple Would Suck To Be Around vibes, but nevertheless…

I just like the idea of Faramir being someone who is fundamentally deeply troubled by his place in the world. Not overshadowed by any one person in his family per se, but more struggling to locate his place within his family’s wider legacy. Like. we know that Húrin of Emyn Arnen was a descendant of the Númenórean faithful, a group that have an incredibly important moral component to their legacy. We also know that the Stewards take up when the line of Anárion fails (which is literally how Faramir describes it). We also know—thanks to that goddamn horrendous On Beards essay in NoME—that Húrin was a kinsman of King Minardil which links him (and therefore his descendants) directly to the Kings of Númenor, albeit with the slight obfuscation of the Lordship of Andúnië. All this to say: the Húrinionath are both kin to the Kings of Númenor, but also defenders of that legacy when both the Kings themselves failed in Númenor, and when the later descendants of the Lords of Andúnië failed in Middle-Earth. Faramir obviously does try to reckon with both the successes and wider failures of that line (most clearly in Window on the West), but I suspect it’s an emotional and possibly spiritual sore spot for him. How do you orient yourself in the world when all the good your ancestors did was marred by so much evil, but also when your much nearer ancestors were only enabled to do the good they did through a different evil? How do you reconcile yourself to that morally?

And then there’s Arwen who, necessarily, has her own complex relationship to her family, both in terms of how she views her family, but how others view her family too. There’s the obvious stuff: she’s the granddaughter to Galadriel and Celeborn, granddaughter also to Elwing and Eärendil, and these are two immensely complex legacies before you even add in the difficulty of Elrond and Elros having been fostered by Maglor (and Maedhros), Fëanorian fuck-ups par excellence. That familial importance isn’t just one generation removed either, her own father is the single most important Elf still in Middle-Earth by the end of the Third Age (sorry Galadriel, but isolationism kills). Behind her grandparents, Arwen is descended from Beren and Lúthien and pretty much every other major Noldorin player. @galadhremmin says all of this much better here. Then you’ve got the Elros factor, too! And it’s interesting to me that Faramir locates Elrond as essentially a forefather of Númenor even though Elrond made the choice of immortality because, of course, it links Elrond and Elros that much closer, despite the thousands of years that have elapsed since Elros’ death.

Arwen has all of that to contend with, and despite that, Arwen doesn’t…really have very much going for her. She’s beautiful, sure, but she’s not a politician, she’s not a loremaster, and she’s not a warrior. She’s the lady of one of the most important houses of Middle-Earth and while I certainly don’t want to denigrate the immense responsibility integral to that, she’s also not really anything else, at least as far as she measures up to the other members of her family. I think we see some of her desire to change that reflected in how she responds to Aragorn and Galadriel’s positioning of her as the new/next Lúthien, which is to say: I don’t think that it can be discounted as an important psychological factor for her.

So, in terms of Faramir falling in love with her, I suspect it’s going to come down to a few things: one, that his sense of pity apparently knows no bounds; two, his intense reverence for the legacy of Númenor; three, the general sense of having all his lifelong presuppositions unsettled that I think he’d feel coming into the world of the Elves for the first time. He’s going to see Arwen and—as he does with Éowyn in the HoH—basically paper over the reality of her with what he wishes the reality of her is.

But that will necessarily be countered by a few things on Arwen’s part (as it is with Éowyn, though not with so much existential doom). First, Faramir has nothing to offer her in terms of her own interests. Faramir’s family are the people who are desperately trying to hold the last kingdom of the Númenórean descendants together. Their time in that position must necessarily come to an end, and rather sooner than anyone in Gondor would expect, because, of course, Aragorn exists and is ready to take his throne. So Faramir can’t offer her the place of historical significance that she wants. But Faramir’s other problem is that he doesn’t scorn the Númenóreans in quite the same way that Arwen does. Yes he has a nuanced take on them and their legacy, but Arwen does pretty much all she can to distance herself from them, even after she’s been queen of the Reunited Kingdoms for 100 some years. Faramir may see her as an heir to that legacy, but she sure as hell doesn’t. Not to mention that Arwen never really embraces mortality, even within spitting distance of her own death she’s still basically kicking out against it. Faramir has the air of a Maiar, and is certainly Son Of Númenor™ turned up to eleven, but he’s also unmistakably a Man, a mortal, and that’s as much a part of his character as anything else. Aragorn, by contrast, is all about the Elves and his Elvish connections—he even names his son Elf-son, and yes, that’s a reference to Arwen, but it’s also a sign of what Aragorn’s priorities are.

So I think Faramir suffers this Arwen-induced whoopsie, and his story from there to the Black Gate is rather less about him wandering around in the woods being morally correct all the time, and rather more about him learning that while the past is an important touchstone, the reality of the present can’t be ignored except when bemoaning it. That’s when Éowyn fits in, I think, because Éowyn is so much less concerned with history and ancientry, and because her concerns and her manner is so much more focussed on the present. Sure, she’s got the Dunedain connection through Morwen, and sure, she ultimately agrees to sacrifice a good deal of her commitment to the regressive cultural tenets of the Rohirrim, but she’s still someone who is intensely concerned with the here and now. Faramir, then, becomes a bit more of a modern man—in the sense that he’s actually becoming something slightly closer to Percy Shelley or William Morris: aggressively aware of the past, but also aggressively politically aware in the present. Aragorn, for his part, becomes the Romantic elder statesman, the William Blake, the Victor Hugo, the JRR Tolkien, even.

Anyways, apologies for the word vomit there, I just suddenly decided I’m Very Committed to this dumbass AU lol

#i am refusing to do my actual job today lol #whoops #e writes #long post

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garden-ghoul · 7 years

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appendix blog, part 1

“going straight from talmud to LotR appendices is probably the easiest transition ever”

There’s a little beginning note that explains why certain things were included and how various sources are quoted... good good historian formatting.

The Third Age was held to have ended when the Three Rings passed away in September 3021, but for the purposes of records in Gondor F.A.I began on March 25, 3021.

See. This kind of bullshit. This is my favorite part because nothing makes a world feel more real than neighboring (ish) kingdoms disagreeing on how to mark time. Listen it’s fine, relativity dictates that events at different locations and different times can be “simultaneous” depending on how you look at it. The One Ring was destroyed at exactly the same time as Galadriel and Elrond’s boat set off from the Grey Havens.

I hope everyone who knows anything about relativity is mildly pissed. *I* sure don’t know anything about relativity, and am grievously misusing it. Er, right, I’m blogging the appendices.

THE NUMENOREAN KINGS

...this starts with an account of the creation of the Silmarils. Listen. LISTEN.

There were three unions of the Eldar and the Edain: Lúthien and Beren; Idril and Tuor; Arwen and Aragorn. By the last the long-sundered branches of the Half-elven were reunited and their line was restored.

Isn’t Arwen already a descendant of both lines. LISTEN!! Mr Tolkien!! What are you on about!! He even goes on to explain Elwing and Earendil’s marriage in the next couple paragraphs! Are the “branches of the half-elven” actually... half-elven mortals and half-elven immortals?? What do you mean “their line was restored”?? Is this some more monarchist genetic purity bullshit?? Gentle reader, I’m sorry for the absolute profusion of question marks, but I don’t really understand what he is obliquely hinting at.

The sons of Eärendil were Elros and Elrond, the Peredhil or Half-elven. In them alone the line of the heroic chieftains of the Edain in the First Age was preserved; and after the fall of Gil-galad the lineage of the High-elven Kings was also in Middle-earth only represented by their descendants.

Okay I really like this. After the first age there are no longer any pure noble lines of any particular race. Nobility, as we see in Rohan, just sort of happens organically. I know this is the exact opposite of what Tolkien wants me to get out of this, but I’m reading it as “nobility is arbitrary, and heritages have no inherent value, especially after their context has been lying under the sea for thousands of years.”

There’s a bit about the founding of Numenor and they mention Meneltarma. My favorite Meneltarma thing is that after the world was rounded it still presumably sticks up out of the ocean and has a view of Tol Eressea, and people keep sailing around looking for it. I’m not sure we ever heard for sure if Tol Eressea ended up on Middle Earth or in space when Numenor fell. Then there’s a list of rulers of Numenor. Anyone have sources on the last two ruling queens, Tar-Telperien and Tar-Vanimelde? They also mention the divide between Tar- kings and Ar- kings--the latter have Adunaic names, which explains what I’ve been wondering since I read the Akallabeth. The Faithful are even... linguistically faithful. Because of course they are, it’s Tolkien. Linguistic decisions are a primary method of characterization. I’m still mad Ar-Inziladun changed his name to Tar-Palantir when he re-Faitful’d. Inziladun is the coolest fucking name ever. PLEASE let elves learn about the letter Z. Also in re the execution of those speaking Sindarin on Numenor... I wonder what Tolkien thought about the way those methods of linguistic persecution were and are used on real-ass Earth? Did he hold all natural languages to be good and worthy? (most likely: no) It’s not like I need his probably racist opinions on this but I want him to see! Double standards!

They mention the palantiri, and I want to say quickly how rad it is that if you use them for one specific thing a lot they can get stuck on it. Their animating magic gets confused and trims the subroutines that allow them to look at other stuff. I’m fond of these buggy magical artifacts.

After this there’s a lineage of Elendil’s descendants in exile. I love the phrase “ship-kings,” and I hope Tolkien is going to explain why they are called that. Nope, he did not explain. Arnor ended up being divided into three kingdoms with silly names due to an inheritance spat. I remember someone (Tom Bombadil?) talking about small kingdoms, and I expect they will all be destroyed in the war against Angmar any day now. Oh no maybe they will destroy themselves! Just like any European fairy tale with three brothers, two of them are wicked and will not stop bickering over Amon Sul and the palantir there. While this is happening, the chief Nazgul moves in up north specifically to kill them all, but apparently they don’t notice and he has plenty of time to establish infrastructure and gather armies. Guyssss. Oh! And this is the place where they name him the Witch-King! Thank goodness that’s taken care of.

This one guy in the Good Brother kingdom tried to take over the other two Arnorian kingdoms, because they didn’t have the ~blood of Isildur~ ruling them. Bull! Shit! Who gives a fuck, man! Don’t conquer people this is basic fucking courtesy. ESPECIALLY not when Angmar is RIGHT THERE waiting for the Evil Brother kingdoms to try to secede and take advantage of your strife! Oh that king’s name was Argeleb though, a really good name, a good name for a star.

It is said that the mounds of Tyrn Gorthad, as the Barrowdowns were called of old, are very ancient, and that many were built in the days of the old world of the First Age by the forefathers of the Edain, before they crossed the Blue Mountains into Beleriand, of which Lindon is all that now remains. Those hills were therefore revered by the Dúnedain after their return; and there many of their lords and Kings were buried.

Hey. Rock on. Elves aren’t the only forebears who did cool shit and who we owe cultural continuity to. Ah then there’s this cool bit about how Ardevui (some king) had to flee Fornost and stay the winter with some snow people (!!) who gradually... warmed up to him, to such an extent that when Cirdan came to fetch the Dunedain there the snow people were like “nah stay till summer, then we can take down the Witch-King.” Ardevui didn’t listen, and almost immediately died in a shipwreck. But he did give the snow people a Foreshadowing Ring that probably is going to show up later. Ardevui was the last king of Arnor, but like, he had an heir. I guess the guy just wasn’t feeling kingship. Aragorn could have already been a king, except that hobbits didn’t really need any kinging and there weren’t enough Dunedain left in the north for it to be worth it. The royal line started a tradition of fostering their sons in Rivendell. So they’d be elvish enough to seem kingly, I guess. Elvish is like French, you’ve got to know it if you’re noble. We also hear about how Celebrian was tortured by orcs (why were there orcs in the north? has Angmar not fallen yet?) and had to go away to the West for her trauma.

And now we come to Aragorn II, the current king, who sometimes vacations in his country house near the Shire. But big folk are illegal in the Shire, so he never actually goes in. Just hosts exclusive parties at his mansion. Also we find out that Sam’s daughter Elanor is 1) very beautiful (presumably as a result of magic dust) and 2) a handmaid of Arwen.

Aha! Finally, ship-kings! They’re exactly what they sound like, a succession of kings who built navies and conquered stuff along the western coast. I just can’t bring myself to care that much about the Gondor section, because there’s no hobbits and so far Beruthiel hasn’t been mentioned either. It’s just a series of small wars with literally every one of Gondor’s neighbors. Oh wait no now we’ve got a bunch of Gondorrim being rude to some king’s wife because she’s of a “lesser race,” which caused a civil war. “No, no,” they reportedly said, “we’re just concerned her children will die when they’re 30, like normal humans.”

Then there’s a bunch more wars I don’t care about. Arvedui tries to claim kingship of Gondor, because Arthedain apparently have a tendency toward greed and too much respect for successions. Gondor just stopped talking to him and crowned someone else as king. Better luck next time, asshole. All right, here we go, one of the kings (?) from Gondor, Earnur, comes up to the Grey Havens to help retake Arnor and Cirdan and everyone go off on Angmar. Earnur almost kills the Witch-King but his horse is too cowardly. Glorfindel shows up and makes the prophecy that no man will kill the Witch-King. Okay, what? Since when is Glorfindel a prophet? Among elves that capacity is usually reserved for 1) mothers (and only in regard to their children) and 2) rulers of countries. Anyway after Earnur goes back to Gondor and becomes king he is laughably easy to bait by calling him a chicken, with the consequence that he rides to Minas Morgul to fight the Witch-King and gets tortured to death. He was the last king of Gondor, because mumble mumble blood purity hangups.

More wars, more wars. Duirng Denethor’s father’s reign a Mystery Guy from a Mystery Place shows up and is just really super good at fortifying Gondor, but he leaves as soon as he’s done enough deeds to make it safe. They call him Thorongil, but I kind of suspect it’s Aragorn. That would just make Denethor’s attitude toward Aragorn in RotK more hilarious, because young Denethor really resented how much everyone loved Thorongil more than him. This is also the origin of Denethor’s distrust of Gandalf, since Thorongil kept telling Ecthelion to trust him.

Oh I thought eventually there would be like a chapter break or something. TOMORROW is Aragorn and Arwen.

#blog of the rings

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