#and because I just finished watching two 007 movies lol

[swanqiu]

A STUDY IN CHARACTER LAYERS.

——— slight mentions of: drugs, death

LAYER  001 :   THE  OUTSIDE.

NAME.   zhang qiu / “cho chang”.

EYE COLOR.   light brown.

HAIR STYLE / COLOR.  black, although more of a dark brown in most lights. she usually wears it down, if not in a neat bun at the office or a nice plait during matches.

HEIGHT.   5′3″

CLOTHING  STYLE.   black jeans! athletic shorts! small pieces of statement jewelry! turtlenecks! sleeveless tops with lacy straps! rayon blouses with 3/4 sleeves! tapered slim-fit pantsuits! shoes with some height that also pair with many different outfits! muggle hoodies supporting the local rugby and football teams! she “borrows” her partner’s tees and sweaters and casual wear, so lol add those to the list. she’s big on practicality and comfort over flair and height of fashion, but she does like keeping up with trends and coordinating her outfits to reflect that.

BEST  PHYSICAL  FEATURE.   her smile! it’s absolutely very cliche, but when she smiles and her nose does that crinkly thing and her eyes get all starry, it’s very unfair how powerful it is. alternatively, she also has a great ass, so there’s that.

LAYER  002 :   THE  INSIDE.

FEARS.   losing people she loves. having someone d*e during a healing procedure and her mind just shutting down during it.

GUILTY  PLEASURE.   parfaits! going for a late night fly! being on top!!!

BIGGEST  PET  PEEVE.   people who sneeze/cough without covering their mouth and nose. people in the magical community who somehow think muggles are “less developed” or “behind” without magic, when they’re the ones who haven’t even moved beyond printed news and radios to circulate current events and pop culture tbh.

AMBITIONS  FOR  THE  FUTURE.   to successfully campaign for a british seat at the international confederation of wizards (delegate timeline); to patent a line of at-home salves and develop at least one healing spell by the end of her residency (healer timeline); to just be the best mom and partner possible, honestly! (divorced verse)

LAYER  003 :   THOUGHTS.

FIRST  THOUGHTS  WAKING  UP.   huh. 6 AM already?

THINKS  ABOUT  MOST.   how other people are doing.

THINKS  ABOUT  BEFORE  BED.   any of the interactions she might have had that day.

WHAT  THEY  THINK  THEIR  BEST  QUALITY  IS.   her ability to depend on herself. her sociability. her commitment to fight for what’s right.

LAYER  004 :   WHAT’S  BETTER ?

SINGLE  OR  GROUP  DATES.   single (unless you’re harry potter and have to meet up with hermione later in the day). group dates are sometimes useful for gauging potential partners’ ability to crack on with her friends, though.

TO  BE  LOVED  OR  RESPECTED.   loved. respected. both?

BEAUTY  OR  BRAINS.   brains— for herself and for a potential partner. BUT i can’t lie, if we’re being really honest here, i’m absolutely tempted by the idea of cho being with a heart-of-gold jock whose sole purposes in life are to get gains, look good, and love cho. cho x himbo king is canon btw; the muggle she marries is a *checks notes* brickhouse rugby player who rescues animals on the side and doesn’t know the first thing about how getting sick works but will gladly and fondly listen to her explain everything from antibodies to the common cold to why wearing a mask helps.

DOGS  OR  CATS.   both.

LAYER  005 :   DO  THEY…

LIE.   not really, and never with bad intentions. as she gets older, she learns to use it more for self-preservation.

BELIEVE  IN  THEMSELVES.   yes.

BELIEVE  IN  LOVE.   yes. always.

WANT  SOMEONE.   no. in her divorced verse, the answer strays more toward yes.

LAYER  006 :   HAVE  THEY  EVER…

BEEN  ON  STAGE.   yes. ravenclaw common room parties are a whole event. terry boot may or may not have the negatives of the one time she sang karaoke to abba’s “dancing queen” on roger davies’s 17th birthday.

DONE  DRUGS.   yes. her muggle psychiatrist recommended medical mar*juana to cope with the very rare night terrors. she tried it for a little while, and it worked, but she ultimately prefers the calming potions made by healer pye. she used sleeping draughts for a little while after the war (who didn’t), but she hasn’t used them since.

GOTTEN  DRUNK.   lmao yes. me, ess the mun, cupping my hands around my mouth: baby girl’s a light weight, y’all!

CHANGED  WHO  THEY  WERE  TO  FIT  IN.   no. part of the reason we read about her experiencing ostracization at school (through harry’s pov) was because she didn’t waver in her defense of marietta and was quite open with her emotions (although she ended up having to repress a large part of her grief and anger anyway). she’s very firm about sticking to her resolutions and not bending who she is in order to do that. (that might get slightly lost in romantic relationships, though.) in her moved-to-the-muggle-world verse, she definitely changes her external habits and way of living to blend in, but it’s not so much a change of her character or her person.

LAYER  007 :   FAVORITES.

FAVORITE COLOR.   beige. light purples. dark greens.

FAVORITE  ANIMAL.   swans.

FAVORITE  MOVIE.   the princess bride (1986). in the mood for love (2000). miss congeniality (2000). remember the titans (2000). 2000 was clearly a big year for her and movies.

FAVORITE  GAME.   lmao as if it would be anything other than quidditch! i’m not exactly sure how fans keep up with the sport if they’re not watching in-person, but when league cup season rolls around, the television is on, the radio is tuned, the newspaper articles about game highlights and star players are read, the plumpton tutshill jersey is ritualistically worn...

LAYER  008 :   SLEEP.

HEAVY  OR  LIGHT  SLEEPER.   light sleeper.

WHAT  SIDE  OF  THE  BED  DO  THEY  SLEEP  ON.   the right side— when she shares a bed with someone, it’s more comfortable for her to cuddle up to them if they’re on her left. in her divorced verse, she sleeps on whatever part of the bed the kids didn’t claim in the middle of the night.

WHAT  DO  THEY  WEAR  TO  BED.   old quidditch stuff— she has one or two ravenclaw scrimmage jerseys that are so old the house insignia’s already faded away. she also has endless tutshill tornadoes shirseys and tees that she’s worn and washed so often that the fabric’s become so soft now and is definitely susceptible to hem stitches unraveling. her favorite sleepwear combo is a pair of cotton boyshorts and to go braless under one of her oversized tutshill tees. comfortable— and as flattering and as easy access as possible, for those nights.

WEIRD  THINGS  THEY  DO  IN  THEIR  SLEEP.   she mumbles a lot sometimes.

LAYER  009 :   LOVE.

BIG  DECLARATIONS  OR  SMALL.   small, from her end, but she’s extremely appreciative (and only a little embarrassed) of big declarations toward her.

OPEN  OR  CLOSED  OFF.   open, although she wisely exercises caution with some people and thus becomes more closed off.

LOVE  AT  FIRST  SIGHT  OR  SLOW  BURN.   slow burn! this is also me, ess, exposing myself for my love of a good slow burn.

ONE  TRUE  LOVE  OR  A  STRING.   a string, but maybe it leads to comfortably settling into that true love. she definitely doesn’t believe that there is only and exactly one love out there for each person. that myth is a terrible and disheartening way to go about life, frankly.

LAYER  010 :   FINISH  THE  SENTENCE.

I  LOVE.   "...that things do get better. my friends. the people i consider my family. my children (added for divorced verse).”

I  FEEL.   "...insignificant, in the grand scheme of things. content with where i am, usually. but mostly, i tend to feel everything, unfortunately all at once.”

I  HIDE.   “...the parts of my feelings that lead into anger.”

I  MISS.   "...the simpler days. hogwarts days, honestly.”

I  WISH.   "...i could have had more time. to do things. to be with people. to enjoy certain moments. sorry— a bit vague, huh?”

tagged by: @gramenviride​ ( 💕 )​ tagging: lol i’ve already tagged a lot of you in these dash games/character studies and likely blew up your notifications over the last week; this turned out pretty long and might use more brain power than usual, so i’m gonna go with a general call for anyone that sees this and wants to fill this out to please do it! and tag me if you do! 

#indiecho character study #this was just an opportunity for me to hurl all of my headcanons at you; if you read through this whole thing i appreciate you sm #lol this was indeed a lot of things to just blast onto the dash but. i was given a platform and i have many thoughts what can i say!

[slamsams-blog]

Goldeneye - #24WeeksofBond

24 Weeks of Bond continues this week with Goldeneye.  Ask anybody who grew up with an N64 what their favorite Bond movie is.  I’d be willing to bet 9 out of 10 of those people will tell you this film.  I grew up with an N64, I knew the Goldeneye video game before I even knew it was a Bond Movie.  The Goldeneye N64 game was my introduction to James Bond.  Today, i feel like shouting from the mountain tops...I can now confidently say, that Goldeneye is my favorite Bond movie.  

Besides the incredible amount of nostalgia playing multi-player Goldeneye in the basement of my best friends house almost every day after school - this movie is gritty, dark, witty, complex, and full of “punch you in the gut intensity”.  Sean Bean plays 006, and it is the ultimate villain.  Who would be a bigger adversary to Bond, then Bond himself?  That’s how close 006 compares to 007.  This film is as close to Bond vs. Bond that we will ever see.  We also have the overtly sexual psychopath in Xenia Onotopp (Famke Janssen) and Boris Grishenko (Alan Cumming) a high level computer programmer and overall sleazy creep who uses “boobs” as his passwords.

It’s hard to top this cast of characters.  It doesn’t end with the bad guys either, we have our seductive Natalya Simonova, who isn’t the obvious “sex appeal” pick, which is nice.  When we first see her, she has a wool sweater on,  a “Karen” hair cut, and a voice lower than mine - but she gets her shit done and nobody is going to tell her no.  I love seeing Natalya boss Bond around, one of my favorite Bond girls for sure.  We also are introduced to the new M, Judi Dench.  Of course, with any new boss, there is chatter within the work force and M finds herself over hearing some of it.  I do wish we had some moment where M proves her trust, but it’s all well and good in the end because she’s Judi Dench, the best M ever...with all due respect to Bernard Lee of course.

This movie starts hot, with Bond bungee jumping off a giant dam in Russia.  He then infiltrates their military base where he meets up with his pal, 006 Alec Trevelyan.  We see them tackling this mission together, but Alec finds himself in trouble.  Bond decides to improv, and adjusts the timers to 3 minutes instead of 6 - but Alec gets killed despite following orders.  Bond is now pissed.  He manages to escape by driving off a cliff to catch a falling airplane.  

This is probably the most eye-rolling part of this movie.  I can suspend my disbelief more than most (I’m a pro wrestling fan), but this is just non-sense.  He manages to catch up to the nose diving airplane, get in, buckle up, adjust the rear view mirror, throw on some AC/DC for the road, and escape.  We see the bombs going off, Bond has completed this mystery mission. We never really find out what the mission was for.  I guess just to introduce us to Oromov and Trevelyan who will become key figures later on.

We come back from an intoxicating rendition of “Goldeneye” sung by Tina Turner, and we are now 9 years into the future.  Think of all the potential movies we missed out on in those 9 years!  We see Bond in Monaco being evaluated  where he meets a crazy speed demon who turns out to be Xenia.  Bond later goes to a casino where he find Xenia there and starts to realize that something troubling is brewing.  After further digging, he finds out she has a connection to the Janus Group - a crime syndicate who has an unknown leader.  Not really sure what Bond is doing in Monaco. Was he on holiday? Was he sent there for something in particular?

ANYWAY (thanks mom), Xenia ends up killing an admiral with her apparent titanium alloy thighs during a hot night and steals a “Tiger” helicopter that can withstand any sort of electro magnetic blast.  Bond doesn’t get to it in time, and the helicopter takes off.  Now Bond is really curious...and pissed. General Oromov from the opening and Xenia set off one of the Goldeneye satellites which trigger an electro magnetic pulse, destroying every type of computer generated device.  They then enlist the help of Boris, who had just hacked into the FBI security system all nonchalantly before having a cig.

The Goldeneye destroys the area and Oromov tries to cover it up by blaming it on British separatists.  But doesn’t realize that Natalya had survived the blast.  Bond now wants to meet thee Janus, and goes to see a russian mafia don who Bond has had history with and gets a meeting set up.  This is when we find out that Janus is actually Bond’s ole mate, Alec Trevelyan.  Bond is stunned and shaken.  9 years after he saw his death, here he is. Trevelyan notes that he didn’t account Bond improving and setting the timers for 3 minutes which burned half his face, and broke his heart. “007s loyalty is always to the mission...never to his friends”. Tear.

The plan is to set off another Goldeneye in London, creating a financial meltdown, putting England back into the stone age.  But now Bond has entered the fray, and is keen on throwing a wrench into the plans.  He does so...with a tank.  In one of the more entertaining chase scenes in Bond history, we see Bond chasing down Oromov with a bloody tank.  Destroying everything in his path, and finding time to adjust his tie in the process.  Man I love this scene.  Oromov is also another great character. Played by Gottfried John, Oromov is a desperate, corrupt General - trying to put on a front as head of Russia’s space division, but also keep Janus’ plans in tact.  With flask in hand, and sweating profusely, he has to tell Janus that Bond escaped.

(Seinfeld reference alert)

Bond saves Natalya from the bad guys, yadda yadda yadda, SATELLITE FIGHT SCENE!!  Bond comes to blows with 006 on the second base where another Goldeneye detonator is being held.  This fight is so brutal and hard hitting that it really feels like Bond is fighting Bond.  These two, once friends, now bitter enemies.  Just watching this fight hurts.  And just when we think Bond is at a dead end, he kicks a lever for the ladder and drops all the way down to the tiniest platform on the bottom of the satellite, leaving himself with no room for error.  The fight continues on this tiny platform where we eventually see Bond kick Trevelyan off and grab his foot for a final farewell.

I don’t necessarily have a fear of heights, but I do have a fear of falling.  What happens next always leaves me with the feeling of my stomach being sucked up into my throat.  Bond has Trevelyan by the foot as he dangles thousands of feet in the air.  Alec finally looks up and says “For England, James”, then Bond says “STFU” and lets him go.  I get shivers just thinking about it.

Oh, did I mention this score??? The music that plays throughout this scene is heart pounding and really gets me going. There’s nothing like incredibly written fight music and Goldeneye has the cream of the crop.

There is just so much to love with “Goldeneye”.  But unfortunately for Pierce Brosnan, this movie will be his first and his best.  Goldeneye was such a tremendous success coming off a 6 year hiatus after “Licence To Kill”, that all Brosnan’s next films suffered because of it.  This film was so good because it was dark, had an unforgettable cast, and had a TOUCH of humor.  That scene where Bond goes to see Valentine is really all the humor you need - how about that Minnie Driver cameo? After this, I guess the writers went all in on the humor bit of it because the rest of the Brosnan catalog can be little more cartoony and goofy.  While I did enjoy “Tomorrow Never Dies” - it just does not compare to “Goldeneye”.

Pierce Brosnan is the perfect Bond for this era and this film in particular.  I just cannot imagine and older Timothy Dalton doing this film justice.  Goldeneye ushered in a new style of James Bond.  This film would be a taste of what was to come with the future Daniel Craig movies, and it provided an opportunity for a new generation of young, teenage movie goers to hop on board the Bond Band Wagon with the N64 video game.  It got me, that’s for sure.  This was the first Bond film I ever saw, and I’m proud to say that it is my favorite Bond movie ever.

That’s it for me this week, let me know what you thought and why it was your favorite Bond movie ever!

Reviews from Friends:

My Mom:

I watched with your dad and two of your brothers. It was a very intense and exciting film. Brosnan is so good. But it was pretty complicated and as is typical, I have a hard time keeping up with it all. That is why I loved the simplicity of last weeks choice. Lol. Because I’m old. The characters were great and I loved the feisty females

Jeremy Tillema:

Greatest bond movie produces greatest first person shooter on the greatest gaming console of all time. I said it.

Jake Benrud:

Great review Sam, and I’m with you on this one. This is a fantastic Bond movie and one of my favorites, if not my favorite. I think I have seen this movie more times than any other (I think Casino Royale might be second). I’m pretty sure I had the VHS, and I think you and I watched it numerous times. (I think Joanna was getting sick of me quoting the movie when we were watching it since I knew all the lines.) This is the movie that really got me into Bond movies. The action, the plot, the twists all made this an excellent and entertaining installment in the Bond series. Makes me want to fire back up that ‘64 and get the rumble packs out!

Tyler Dahlgren

I have been following along to these and have been giving them the Facebook like, but haven’t been commenting or watching along because honestly I could probably recite every Bond moving verbatim from start to finish. My earliest childhood memories (way, way earlier than any kid has a business being exposed to Bond) are of sitting with my Grandpa in his recliner while he munched popcorn and watched Bond. For better or for worse they are like a comfort food for me.

I say all of that to say this. Goldeneye is my favorite. I still remember watching it for the first time with Mark Kulig. We played the game and watched the movie more times than you’d think possible. The double cross, resurrection storyline. The characters. The cast is stacked. It all adds up so well and revived the franchise from some abysmal showings. I love this movie.

24 Weeks of Bond will return next Monday with - 

On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

#Goldeneye #pierce brosnan #James Bond #Sean Bean #Famke Janssen #N64 #Nintendo #24WeeksofBond

[partnersincollege]

™Okay so let’s make a proper introduction shall we?

Two crazy geniuses... bonded by destiny separated by oceans and continents. Here we are as the partners in crime and in college.

I will go by the nickname Q even though I have never watched James Bond because it is an inside joke and inside jokes don’t have to make sense.

About me: (I always wanted to write something like this yey!!)

I am a student in Turkey

Turning 18 tomorrow (!!!!!!!!) (Well I am already 18 It just took so long to 007 to write -_-)

I am studying medicine and it is my first year so I have no idea what I am gonna do

My university is called Cerrahpaşa (It literaly means ‘Surgean Paşa’ and I realized this waaayyy to late)

(So yeah I am gonna be a ‘Surgean Paşa’)

Anything else?? I am from Istanbul born and raised 

I can speak Turkish English and  ‘theoretically’  German (But I am planing to learn Italian this year!!!!!!)

INTP and Ravenclaw

Also Virgo but not sure if it matters

I will keep adding things as I think about them so beware 

Pronouns: She/Her I am asexual and still not sure about romantic orientation and you know don’t want a specific label

Interests:

I consider myself as a writer.

I mean I mostly write short stories. But yeah I am really interested in literature so nobody can stop me from referring myself as the ‘Writer’

I love reading books as well

I like listening to music from any genres (My playlist is a mess and it is another inside joke between us I will talk about it later)

I like art but can’t art to save my life

Any other?? My brain stopped sorry

Movies and TV Shows... Waaaayyy too many but can’t remember anything right now

Does ‘overthrowing the government’ count?? It is a ‘free’ time activity (Get it?)

So I guees this is it? Hope I won’t just forget about this blog and actually get work done. 

-----------

WASSUUUUP this is the second person on this blog, 007, reporting way too late, but that’s James Bond’s fashion right? Always pisses Q off.

About me: (I’ve always wanted to do this too so I’ve done this countless times on Apple Notes lol Q you’re way behind)

I’m studying in New York

Turned 18 like three weeks ago and I still get surprised when I realize I don’t have to lie on online forms to get full access

Undecided For Life™ (possible majors include psychology, poli sci, human rights...film)

I’m a freshman at Columbia University, specifically Barnard College

(Q pronounces Barnard like a British duke Bernard)

I’m from Istanbul and I’ve spent like 15 years there but I’ve also lived in London and Tokyo before

Yeah...token conversation starters during orientation

I speak Turkish and English and I’ve taken Spanish for 6 years but still ended up in the beginner class in college

I started to learn Hawaiian once and ... I still want to

Theoretically an ENTP (but I don’t like/care much about MBTI now cause I feel like it’s unnecessary) and a Gryffindor (this fucking matters)

Leo but I don’t believe in astrology

WINTER IS FUCKING COMING

My pronouns are she/her/hers, I’m heterosexual and heteromantic

Interests:

I also used to be a writer. I still have a lot of talking to do with that part of myself.

I’ve also got way too many movies and TV shows that I’m into and you’ll slowly be forced into seeing these on your dash since we live and breathe these things

I actually can’t finish a TV show no matter how much I love it because I’m impatient as hell

Music...an interesting area for my Spotify account

I also have never been an “art talent” but Q always argues that I CAN art and I actually like the moments when I do (which is basically every day since I doodle in class)

Don’t talk to me about reading

Honestly if I’ve achieved a life where I’m living in the Millennium Falcon with a co-pilot buddy, a nice jacket and boots, and adventuring my way through the universe, I’ll be happy

I have an inherent desire to just learn everything which is why you’ll see fragments here of my attempts at everything from classics to computer science

That’s it folks! (For now!)

                                                                                                        -Q and 007

#studyblr #introduction #should I tag everything we talked about?? #cause I hate it #but on the other hand... #nah #I will be ignored with my honor #anything else... #idk #cerrahpaşa #columbia #barnard college #istanbul #new york

[elaineintokyo]

Star Wars: End of Skywalker

So, Yeah. Watched Star Wars 10 times.

On the first watch, I actually really enjoyed it, really not caring how Palpatine came back and all. I mean this is frigging Star Wars! How the hell did they make that second Death Star so quickly? Who knows and who cares?!- I know it’s sloppy writing but seriously, it’s a.. it’s a frigging pew-pew-pew Sci Fi movie!

But I digress.

In spite of fans complaining that the beginning was a dizzying pace, I actually liked it instead of a slow start. And it wasn’t as rapid a jump from place to place like Rogue One either.

Anyway, I was quite alright with the whole thing and I really really loved the sound design, as well as, the music for this episode. Amazing amazing work by John Williams. I mean I don’t pay attention to these stuff usually but this episode, it really did grab my attention.

So really, on my first watch, I only had two misgivings about it, the second one being the most significant.

Edit: I added a third which I think is also one of the great big debates of why so many fans (Reylo) hated TROS.

1) REYLO.

The first was THE KISS.

Yes, I do think Adam Driver and Daisy Ridley have one of those amazing on-screen chemistry (or I feel, in their case, INTENSITY), almost to the degree of Mulder and Scully (that speaks a lot!).

But actually, I hated The Last Jedi and I didn’t pay much attention to the whole Reylo thing. I knew it existed but not to such degree!

In fact, while I really enjoyed their scene together in TLJ, I was really opposed to their whole ForceTiming thing coz like WHATTTTT???? I felt at that point, Star Wars became like a romantic chick flick! What!

But I DID thing at that time, the legendary HAND TOUCH scene was fucking INTIMATE, if not one of the most intimate Star Wars scene ever.

But anyway, back to Rise of Skywalker.

Since I wasn’t in tuned with the whole Reylo thing and except for the ForceTime thing in Episode 8, I couldn’t understand The Kiss, like I felt it came out of nowhere and THEN he conveniently dies the next moment and like WHAT????

I mean watching it, I knew that if Ben Solo didn’t die after the kiss, those geeky Star Wars fan would have heads rolling and complaining that Star Wars has turned into a romance story.

So Yeah. Ben Solo has to die.

Reylo & Ben Solo Misgivings after rewatches:

However, rewatching Episode 8 a few more times again and then rewatching Episode 9 a lot more times again...

(1) I do feel incredibly sad about Reylo. Lol.

I feel, it’s really really really really really really tragic that two lost and lonely souls, FINALLY finds each other, and this LITERAL once in generations a force like life itself Soulmates, FINALLY reunite...... ONE of them fucking DIES. Like WHAT??????????

Like you have the two most powerful force users around and not just that, they’re seriously literally ONE soul split in two and YET, one fucking dies.

WHAT?

WHAT?

WHAT?

It’d have been less heartbreaking if they weren’t a frigging force dyad!

(2) I fucking hate how Ben Solo was treated.

(This will be further explored in another post!)

He might have been Kylo Ren but seriously, other than Rey, he really had no one else.

I hate to say this but Luke was a fucking asshole. He should’ve been the one to believe in his nephew but all the way till the very end, he insulted him by treating him like a kid, literally calling him “kid”.

And yes, while I know that Leia spent the last of her life to reach out to her son, did she do it to save him or did she do it to protect Rey? The way that the scene was set up, it seemed like Leia was trying to save Rey by stopping Kylo, not to save her son Ben, per se.

Kylo had always LONGED to go back to his mom. But the way that Leia called out to him didn’t seem like she was trying to help him, but instead, was trying to help Rey.

Which was reinforced in the last scene with force ghost Leia smiling at Rey so lovingly.

HOW ABOUT BEN?!?!?!

RESOLUTION:

As much as fans don’t like that redemption in Star Wars always means death, I think, perhaps, sigh, Ben’s death was befitting.

Kylo’s obsession was that he wanted to be greater than Vader, to do finish what he started, by sacrificing his life for Rey, I think he was able to do what Anakin couldn’t: save the girl he loves.

Anakin turned to the dark side because he wanted to stop Padmé from dying, but in the end, he failed.

But Ben was able to do just that, not just through power, but through self sacrifice. I guess in the end, it’s a balance in the force because you can’t have life without death and I think Ben knew that too.

Bravo Adam Driver really lol 😂😂

But seriously, rewatching the episode so many times, I felt this was really the moment that Ben Solo made his decision to give his life up for Rey.

Like before that, he was in shock that she was dead and he was all alone and he was looking around begging for help somewhere (no thanks to the force ghosts of the Jedis of the past 😤).

Then he hugs her and this is the moment he makes his decision to give his life up to save her..... 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔💔 lordddd how is this a happy end??????? Lol 😅

But it’s in this sense that it’s not just a redemption, but it just goes to show Ben Solo is NOT Kylo Ren, and Kylo Ren is truly dead and it’s Ben Solo who’s alive- because god bless his pure heart, Ben Solo is the one who is willing to give up his life for the girl he loves, or at least, his force dyad.

He does it not because he’s a Jedi, not because he’s a reformed and redeemed Sith, he does it because he is he, he is Ben Solo, and it’s Ben Solo who decides to give his life for the one he loves.

I think that’s powerful.

So, on that note... I lay the blame entirely on Adam. Fuckkkkk did he have to play Ben Solo sooooo damn convincingly?????? And his chemistry with Daisy, lord spare us! Seriously Adam though.. Like dudeeeeee the smile right at the end- like PURE LIGHT and JOY in this poor tortured boy’s soul “I saved the girl I love... yay..”— dude I think that killed 50% of all Reylo skeptics and probably made us feel a tinge of sadness when he died. Ahhh fuck. In one, just ONE tiny little facial expression. Dammit.

I think that caused a slew of people to hate the ending coz he died and started rooting for a “dude let them happily ever after for goodness sake!” ending.

Gah! Good actors!

2) REY FUCKING WHAT?????

But the SECOND thing that didn’t sit well with me and this is the one that still KILLS me is that I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE that Rey calls herself Rey Skywalker in the end. Like FUCK NO. And even after 10 times watching it, it’s still a FUCK NO.

I KNOW Disney is trying to continue the franchise without actually continuing it, and HENCE Skywalker is like a 007 code name now- but seriously, FUCK THAT.

REASONS why I disagree with the whole Rey Skywalker bullshit:

1) Rey BARELY has a connection with Skywalker

- She trained with Luke THREE days. THREE. And the LAST scene of them training was Rey threatening to KILL Luke with his lightsaber. So like WHAT???

- She trained with Leia but remember, Leia has always been identified as an ORGANA, and on top of that, she married SOLO. Like she may have been a Jedi through her father, but I don’t recall in any of the movies had she intentified herself as a Skywalker!

- I really do think that she DOES NOT deserve the name. NOT BECAUSE she’s not strong, she’s basically god-like now in the force, but because she has soooooooooooooo little connection to Skywalker, even if Luke and Leia had trained her. That doesn’t make her a Skywalker.

2) Rey’s journey was never about finding a NAME, but instead, of having a FAMILY.

- It’s only in Pasaana when she was asked about her last name that she seemed purturbed, but Rey was always about WANTING her own family. It’s not about just having a name or just discovering her roots. Remember, she wanted to see her parents, she wanted to know her parents, but I don’t think the longing was just to have a family name but actually to have a family- hence her seeking attachment with Han, with Luke and with Leia. She wanted a family. Which leads us to number (3)

(3) Rey ends up ALONE back in a desert

- I know there are FULL circle endings, but this ending didn’t feel like a full circle because Rey ends up ALONE in the desert WITHOUT a family, EXACTLY like she was when we first met her in Episode 7!!! So what’s the point?!

To me, her adoption of SKYWALKER rings hollow because (1) the name holds little meaning for her technically & (2) adopting that name still DOES NOT give her what she’s been seeking: a family

4) Completely disregarding the real last Skywalker

Last reason I’m not satisfied with the “Rey Skywalker” bullshit is because, it feels like the REAL last Skywalker... YEAH **BEN SOLO**, was just fucking discarded like a nobody.

Like, the force ghost of Luke and Leia looks sooooo pleased at Rey at the end and encourages her to be a Skywalker, like... I feel it’s so sad for Ben.

Yeah he was rebellious and actually, he’s the one who caused their deaths haha, but still, it’s like basically saying “Yeah Rey is our lovely new family member. Ben...? oh that problematic child, Yeah yeah, whatever.”

5) The extinction of Skywalwers

I’m incredibly upset with the ending because I really really like Star Wars and seriously, Star Wars (as Lucas had said) was supposed to be a saga about a family, the Skywalker family.

The sequel has always focused on Rey, I know, and other than Luke and Leia, there wasn’t much connection at all with the Skywalker family, which IT SHOULD’VE BEEN! Coz... it’s supposed to be about the SKYWALKER FAMILY.

So technically, that would’ve been... BEN SOLO, who is technically the last Skywalker!

And it’s really really fucked up that the ONLY person who acknowledges this fact is.... The Emperor!!!! WTF!

And then at the end of the saga ALL SKYWALKERS are DEAD DEAD DEAD. Like fuck DEAD.

But which is fineeeeeeeeeeeeee coz we all know Disney wanted to end the Skywalker family blood thing so that they can go forward with more movies without being bogged down by the original trilogy and that part of the universe.

BUTTTTTTT if Disney just wanted to do that, the LET THE NAME DIE!!!!!!

Like I have NOT heard a single original trilogy fan who said “oh yeah! It’s great! Rey being a Skywalker now”, like most have been like me “WTFFF??”

Like I think Rey’s arc and also the feeling of fans would’ve been much better if she had just said

“Rey, it’s just Rey”, at the end, like in Pasaana but with conviction and contentment- because it shows GROWTH and that she didn’t need a family to feel complete and that she’s finally over her past. And to even jive with The Last Jedi, she’s at peace with being a nobody.

I really just feel that her taking the name is soooooo undeserved and so hollow since she really, seriously, actually, has sooooooooo superficial a connection with it.

It just feels like it cheapens the whole Skywalker name and blasphemous even for Rey to take the Skywalker name.

RESOLUTION:

So.

Finally.

After watching the episode 10 times now.

Finally.

MAAAAAYBE.

I’ve found a resolution.

I’d like to think that J.J. had put some directorial though into it and it wasn’t just for dramatic effect (though I wouldn’t put it under him 🙄), that one shot where Rey FALLS dead, and then BOOM!! the LAST SKYWALKER RISES from the depths of a bottomless pit.

Ben crawls to Rey and with the last of his life, HE TRANSFER HIS LIFE FORCE TO REY.

Soooooooo... TECHNICALLY TECHNICALLY TECHNICALLY... HIS LIFE is IN her. And soooooooooooo technically technically technically... the last Skywalker resides in Rey!

Maaaaaaybe.

And, at the end, I want to believe that part of Leia’s smile is also to thank Rey for “saving” her son’s soul, and therefore, she really is like part of the family to The REAL Skywalkers!!!!

Maaaaaaybe.

Well... that’s what I’m trying to tell myself to comfort myself about the ending.

And I think... it makes sense to me.

I think....

Maaaaaaaybe.

3) Ben Solo’s Death

I found this video somewhere over-layed with Adam’s response when he was asked in an interview “What’s Kylo Ren’s song?”

Omggggggg lololll he completely spoiled the ending!!! Lolllll

Anyway,

It seems like this affected a FUCK TON of people and I mean A FUCK TON. Like needing therapy kind of affected!

ALLLLL Reylos and even some non-Reylos are complaining CRAZY complaining about this ending and threw J.J. into the fryer because Ben died.

And I TOTALLY understand their misgivings. I do think that killing Ben was totally unnecessary except to make sure that the super geek fans are not fucking rolling their eyes on the floor at the end of the movie.

But at the same time, by killing Ben, they really did botch further an already fucked up story.

I think he could’ve at least salvaged the story and made it whole by giving Rey a real family member, her dyad in the force, instead of killing him off and making her alllllllllllll aloneeeee in the end again (what’s the whole fucking point?!)

Plus, keeping Ben Solo alive would’ve kept the original trilogy Skywalker fans happy too, since Skywalker lives.

And the whole notion of a Palpatine AND a Skywalker UNITING to balance the force REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY does make a lot of narrative sense!!!!!

BUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

As I said before, the blame lies NOT in J.J. but in..

FUCKING DISNEY.

Fans are blind to NOT realize that Disney doesn’t want the whole mess of an original trilogy “skywalker blood” running around in their Star Wars franchise timeline going forward!

What they didn’t realize, I suppose, is that... what? Fuck me! Rey is a BLOOD Palpatine! Fuck! So, urm urm urm.... poor Ben last skywalker was manipulated into giving his life to revive the last of a PALPATINE!

😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😰😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

BONUS:

4) NO HAPPY ENDING!!!!!

So okay, if you think about it, WHAT IS STAR WARS ABOUT???

It’s a magic adventure in a galaxy far far away, a fun happy ride about a group of people, and a family, who against all odds, defeat evil to bring light to this galaxy.

How did it all go so so so so so so so so so wrong???

I think the precedence was set by Rogue One where it was “cool” and “okay” to kill everyone and Disney won’t be accused of being to “dream world”.

But the thing is that, Star Wars, in the end, even old fans forget, is not about some convoluted story of good and evil and relative morality, in the end it’s always about light side being triumphant over dark side and they all lived happily ever after.

EVERYONE forgot that!

And I think when that was not given to us, we suddenly felt its absence and recalled what it was supposed to be you know!!

If you look at all Episodes past, it’s only the Sequel that’s sooooooo fucking serious and sad AND EMPTY!!!

Episode 1 - award ceremony in Naboo

Episode 2 - I forgot but it ends with a marriage of Naboo. (Semi happy)

Episode 3 - only sad ending, Jedi in ruins, empire emerging, galaxy in chaos.

Episode 4 - Award ceremony

Episode 5 - only cliffhanger ep of the OT

Episode 6 - Stupendously happy ending with the light sight victorious, empire destroyed, anakin redeemed, all force ghost reunited. WOAH!

Episode 7 - Rebellion united but Han Dead.

Episode 8 - Rebellion decimated and LUKE DEAD

Episode 9 - Last Order defeated, rebellion united but... HAN IS DEAD, LUKE IS DEAD, LEIA IS DEAD, BEN IS DEAD, REY is ALONE.

Wtfffff kind of ending is that?????????????

Fucking DISNEY ending, that’s what!!!

You know.. fans are crucifying J.J. for the ending and thinking Rian might make it a better one. But in the end the plan is to always have all the Skywalkers dead.

There was NO WAY that Rey would ever have lived happily ever after with Ben because of Disney’s greed and corporate decision to place profits over storytelling and to MILK their Star Wars franchise dry. There’s no way any BLOOD Skywalkers would be allowed to live beyond Episode 9.

Yeah, Ben’s Death was frivolous and unnecessary. And his living on would have made the best ending possible (happy, Rey not alone, Skywalkers continue and will rise from the ashes of Exagol) Excepttttttttttt for the fact that Disney wanted to KILL the original bloodline (“kill the past. Let go of it”), so they can just carry on the franchise however they see fit without being burdened by Lucas’s creation of the past.

Resolution for this fucking shitty ending?

NONE.

Why? Because..

DISNEY, “I have spoken”.

[sheusedtobesassier]

Day 10,115

001. We’re Brangelina, but he’s Angelina because of their unconventional beauty and I’m Brad because of the fur coat he wears in Fight Club.

002. The day we laid in his bed and he told me about his “one that got away” who was really somebody he tried to be with for a long time until she got hurt in a way that I think was hard for both of them to understand.

003. Watching him giggly dance like animated Kermit with Janelle and Genevieve.

004. It’s the way he smells that keeps making me cry. Grabbed his lumpy leafy pillow, but not the other two ugly tropical Christmas pillows because I never liked those. Mm but I keep breathing deeply into the one. Earthy and clean and unlike anything else. Or maybe it’s the way humans smell and he’s just the only one I’ve been so close to. The only one I’ve ever breathed in. I think it upsets me so much because the pillow won’t smell like that forever. Because I’ll forget how he smells. That’s really really upsetting. So every time it does still smell like that I’m startled and relieved but still so upset. Still fresh. Will not stay fresh.

005. The day Kiersten and I quietly sat across from each other while she drew henna on my hand. I asked her if she’d seen us the other night, sitting in his parked car in the rain. She raised her eyebrows because we both knew she had. She said softly without looking up, “I think you two are cute together.”

006. How he’d ask me “Who even are you?” when I was wilding. He would shake his head and say, “You’re really on one.”

007. We talked about death a few nights ago. I talked about how it’ll be a relief to me when life is over and he talked about how that made no sense to him at all. How it felt so important to him, not the dying but the being alive. How he needed to do something important with it. I said it made him more ambitious and more prone to disappointment. It really explained so much.

008. A couple weeks ago I caught me thinking about who would be our flower girl and ring bearer if we ever got married.

009. Passing my water bottle back and forth 100 times on a drive or just getting back or when he would stop by after he got done working or MOSTLY after we’d messed around because we’d worn each other out. Splashing him because I liked to watch him get mad and have to calm himself down. Mm. Telling him to finish it and feeling small joy that I’d been able to meet his need.

010. The night I just watched him doodle things. He doesn’t draw pretty things. He draws strange things that make sense to just him. Unexpected.

011. His face when he would get sleepy or when he’d first wake up. I called it puffy and he didn’t like that but I meant puffy in the sweetest most darling way.

012. I woke up at five o’clock this morning and never fell back asleep. That’s literally never happened to me. I hope it doesn’t last very long because it’s extremely frustrating to not be able to escape, extremely frustrating to be inside my own head currently. Just snapped out of the middle of a safe dream and right away started thinking about him. Goddamn I cannot wait for mornings I wake up thinking about anything else.

013. I don’t want to talk to anybody else right now. Like actually maybe can’t. Just him. Talking to literally anybody else is disappointing. Being around anybody that isn’t him feels so fucking lonesome. Would rather be alone. Would rather take care of me than have anybody else try it. Just him. Don’t want it from anyone else.

014. He never watched my favorite movie.

015. Got me searching for photos of monarch butterflies as I hold back tears.

016. Mm, about to become super fucking conscious of how many spaces I’m in consist of only white people. So many white people. Too many white people. Damn.

017. I think the whole time we were in love he couldn’t stop mentioning Solange’s album. The first time I listened to it I didn’t like it and then I only ever heard it with him after that. Will probably never like it now.

018. The one evening in the Lodge during the first summer. I was stressed out completely, a low 2 on a scale of 1 to 10. He said we could get in his car and he’d drive me anywhere. I told him I couldn’t because of something coming up on the schedule. Mm but I let him put his arm around me. I didn’t fight that. And I let anybody see us as they left dinner and decided not to give a fuck because I was so sad and I liked him so much.

019. I txted Edith and Caleb right before lunch today to let them know what happened. That made me cry. Yeah I won’t be able to write about the sweet moments we’ve had with them right now but I hope I don’t forget them.

020. Prayed the other night that God would help me protect the memories, like to please help me hold onto them, help me be discreet and not let everybody in on them, but I also asked Him to protect me from the memories for at least this first little while. To not let them devastate me. Mm yeah I’m putting a lot of effort into backing up from the things I suddenly remember about him, about us. Cannot wade in too far.

021. He said my issues with my dad were Big Fish. He might be right.

022. He showed me his father on Facebook a couple weeks ago. A whole bunch of his family but yeah wow we came across his dad. Mm. I didn’t say anything because I felt like I shouldn’t. I couldn’t believe he showed him to me.

023. He loved Fat Thor so much, like not in just a make him laugh way, in like a serious meaningful way. He like lol, he deeply understood Fat Thor.

024. It makes me very very very very sad to think that I probably won’t get to make him laugh for a long time, maybe never again. That hurts. I do love when he laughs hard.

025. When we told Bill and Renate. Mm. Bill started asking reasonable questions, ones I hadn’t asked because they’d seemed too obvious but were helpful to hear out loud. But Renate. Mm. That’ll make me cry. Renate just immediately seemed so sad, like so physically saddened. And I think maybe that’s been the kindest moment of this whole thing. The kindest to me anyways. I love her and I really believe she loves me, loved the two of us together.

026. We stayed at Carlsons’s on Thursday night. Their old mattress on their living room floor. Got in a goofy fight right before we fell asleep because Beans had snuggled into Omar’s legs and he was whisper yelling at me not to bother the cat and so I chucked his phone. When I tattled to Bekah the next morning he said, “I fell asleep before I could be nice.”

027. Next time I order sweet tea in a drive thru I know I’ll cry about it.

028. Strawberry tea. He wanted milk in it, but didn’t take any because he didn’t want to offend June’s sensibilities. Mm. I do love him for the ways he would show June respect. He surprised me.

029. The night he got Depop and scrolled forever.

030. I’ve been wearing the earrings Dad gifted all us girls for Christmas since it happened. Keep putting them on as like, a defense. A comfort. A reassurance. A reminder that I’m loved by others outside of this mess.

031. OOH, the itty bitty whozit whatzits he made out of tiny scraps he came across when he was a janitor at that factory. Small faces.

032. The way he was around Elliott.

033. How he reminded me of Dan AND Zion, somehow combined into a troublesome dreamy wonder boy.

034. It’s going to be really hard to do the things we all usually do together without him. Morning devos, eating meals, prepping/cleaning up for them, and cleaning cabins.

035. He’s just my best friend. My actual closer to me than anybody maybe ever best friend. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to just keep being a person if he isn’t going to be somewhere close by. I don’t know how to feel so far away from somebody I love this way. I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.

036. He was saying last week that like, saying that his greatest fear in all this is that people are going to believe he doesn’t care about me um that I’m going to believe that. And mm, I’m really trying to not let that BS into my head. Trying to believe he would of stayed if he could of. That there was no other option for him. Not one that he could fathom. But it’s hard. It’s hard to put he cares and he left next to each other and understand both.

037. Seeing anybody else kiss makes me painfully aware that I don’t know if we’ll ever kiss again. An uncontrollable pang.

038. Marriage is now gonna be so stupid upsetting to me.

039. Had to edit his contact in my phone from Cool Boyfriend™ to Omar. Mm, I know I’m Ang<3lla in his, something like that. Wonder if/when he will change it.

040. Waiting for him to reach out to me. Can’t talk to him first. Could actually but won’t. If he misses me he should do something about it. Mm but I know it’s not in his nature. Like he’s more likely to say nothing, to not bother me, to let me have the space I need to take to feel okay. That’s what he will consider it. He probably won’t fathom what I consider it. To me it will feel like him being fine without me. And that is something I cannot prove wrong, only he can. If he wants to. If it’s even possible to prove it wrong. To me it feels like a clean cut, like him seeing this as a part of his life that is over now. I do not want it to be over, so if that’s not what he wants I hope he does something about it. Because if he doesn’t do anything, I’m going to take his silence as disregard. I’m going to let him carry on as I try to too.

041. Went to lay in his Prayer Chapel to mourn his going but once I got there I didn’t want to. It was just an empty room. I told it so. “You’re just an empty room he isn’t in anymore.”

042. I will miss what he has to say about God. His questions and his realizations. I will hear other people talking and know what he might say. I will not say it. He would say it better than I ever could.

043. I read his note to Steve. Couldn’t help it. Said something at the end about how he hopes he can come back someday? To Sky Lodge? When he can contribute? I might of killed him if he’d written that in his note to me. Would have had a hard time forgiving him for a scrap of hope. The current silence is a relief because while it isn’t what I would choose it is what I expected. Nice of him behave how my insecurities told me he would.

044. I’m not angry, but if I am it’s because sadness is debilitating and anger gives you somewhere to put the knife.

045. Reading a book on my tummy while he lays his head against my back and plays with his guitar. The sun is shining and nobody cares how close we are except for us and we like it.

046. The stupid fucking rap dance he does when he’s got headphones in. Muted mouthing the words to something cool I probably don’t know.

047. Mm. Soon comes the torturing myself with imagining what it might be like if he surprise came back. If he crawled into my bed like he’d never woke me up from it, never rushed told me he was there to say goodbye, never kissed me before my eyes were really open. He was struggling and started to walk to the front door then turned back around to hold me again to tell me how hard this was and that he loved me? That he loved me so so much? And then he actually left. And I don’t want to describe what I did then because it was fucking awful and I hope I forget about that morning completely. I hope I forget it and replace that part of my head with a sweet fucked up pretending what it could be like when the part of him that loves me so so much convinces him to crawl into my bed. Holding onto the hope that part of him exists.

048. I read his love note again last night and made it through without crying. Already. Just two days have passed and part of me is already harder than I thought it could be. I’m going to resent that note soon if the silence continues. I’m going to hate it for what it says. If you love me then where are you?

049. Jess just asked if I would come over for supper and I said no. Said I couldn’t wait to be in my bed. She seemed hurt but then said, “Can I bring you supper or do you have food in your house?” So I tearfully said that would be nice because it would. This is what I mean. How do I let anybody else take care of me that isn’t him? How the fuck does one go on?

050. I’m glad that he will not be so far away from his mother anymore. I’m so so glad for that.

#personal