#and definitely tries her best to stir clear of people so they don't get hurt

[nothingbutfangirlsmut]

Girl Out of Time

Pairing: Bucky x Reader and Sam x Reader

Background: Willow Roffe was born and raised in Brooklyn. She lived her life as happily as she could with her two childhood best friends Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers. When they both left her to join the military she tried to continue with life but that didn't get to happen for her for the simple fact that she meant something to James Buchanan Barnes.

Rating: Story will be overall MATURE but not every chapter. There will be strong language, talk of both mental and physical abuse, some good ole angst, and smut. There will be a warning at the beginning of the chapter when it includes smut.

Chapter 20

When I woke up I felt slightly different. I'd never had a dream like that. It seemed so real. Was it a memory? It was the day I first met Steve and James. I sat up in bed trying to clear my hazy mind. Could my memories really come back as dreams? I guess anything was possible.

"Hey beautiful" Sam said in a deep sleep laced voice.

"Morning Sammy" I said softly.

"You alright?" He asked as he sat up and stretched.

"Just a weird dream." I told him.

I felt his arms wrap around me then pull me down to lay next to him. He nuzzled his face into my neck as one arm wrapped around my stomach.

"What about?" He asked into my neck.

"Steve and James. I guess it was the day I met them. I remembered standing up for Steve that day but James was there too." I said softly.

Sam pulled his head back so he could look at me.

"You're remembering?" He asked.

"I think so" I nodded.

I left a little later after breakfast. I had to find Steve and tell him everything. I couldn't leave him in the dark. He was training in the compound when I arrived. Nat showed me where it was then left me to talk to him privately.

"Hey Cap" I said to get his attention.

He immediately stopped doing his pull ups then dropped to the floor. He grabbed his water then sat on one of the wooden benches against the wall.

"What's up Will?" He asked.

"About me finding James, there was a little more that happened." I said softly.

I explained the entire situation not leaving anything out.

"He really kissed you?" Steve asked with the hint of a smile on his face.

I nodded.

"Have you remembered anything?" He asked curiously.

"Last night I had a dream about the day I met you but I remembered meeting James that day too." I told him honestly.

Steve chuckled softly.

"Yea, the day you stood between me and those bullies. Bucky was ready to chase them down thinking they put those bruises on you." Steve said looking down at his hands.

"Does Sam know?" He asked looking up at me.

I nodded again.

"I told him everything. That was his one request. He just wants me to be open and honest about it." I said with a small smile.

"I'm glad he understands. I'd hate to have to bury my friend for hurting you." Steve chuckled.

"I don't think that will be needed." I laughed.

"Good" he said then kissed the top of my head.

I spent most of the day walking around New York just clearing my head. If I was starting to remember James then that meant a lot of things were about to change. I wasn't sure what the out come of all this would be but I'm terrified.

I jumped slightly as my phone pinged in my pocket. I pulled it out as I stepped to the side out of other people's way.

As soon as I opened the door to Sam's apartment I was hit with the most mouth watering smell. I stepped into the kitchen where Sam was fully emerged in his cooking. He was biting his bottom lip as he stared intently at what he was doing. He looked so effortlessly handsome. He was absolutely perfect. Smart, funny, a true gentleman, an amazing cook, and a badass superhero. How could I worry about caring about someone more than him? Even if I do completely remember James those events were so long ago. It was literally a lifetime ago. Everything is different now. I adore Sam. I want Sam. With that in mind I stepped over to him grabbing his face then crashing my lips to his. He was definitely surprised by the action but that gorgeous goofy grin spread on his face as I stepped back.

"Dinner is almost ready." He said quietly.

"It looks and smells delicious." I chuckled.

"Did you see Steve?" He asked as he stirred whatever was in the pot.

"Yea, I told him everything. I don't think he knows what to think about it." I chuckled softly.

"Well hell neither do I." Sam said with a smile.

Even though he was grinning I could see the small amount of pain in his eyes and it cut right threw me.

"You don't have to worry about a thing Sam. I want you." I told him softly.

He turned off the stove then pulled out two plates. He stayed quiet until he filled both out plates then laid them on the table.

"You want me for now Willow." He said looking down at his plate.

"No Sam I-" I started but Sam raised his hand.

"It's okay Will, seriously. I'm really glad you feel that way but I don't want you to make any kind of decision like that until you remember everything. Deal?" He asked raising a brow at me.

I bit my lip as I nodded.

"Deal" I said softly.

—

Brooklyn, NY 1933

I was sitting on top the flood wall with Stevie on one side and Jamie on the other. Jamie was going on about some girl he was going out with tomorrow night. That was his usual Friday night routine. He was truly a ladies man but I couldn't blame him. At 16 years old he was already devastatingly handsome. I may be his friend but even I can see that.

"What about you two?" Jamie asked after telling us all about that girl.

I shrugged then glanced at Stevie.

"I'm probably gonna stay home." Steve said simply.

"Hell no Stevie. It's Friday night you two gotta do something." Jamie laughed.

"How about we check out that movie you were talking about." I suggested to Stevie.

He looked back at me and smiled. He nodded then turned back to look at the water below us.

"There Jamie now we have something to do." I said mockingly.

Jamie laughed then grabbed my side. I knew what he was trying to do but there was no laughter coming out of me. I hissed then jerked away from him. I felt both his and Stevie's eyes on my immediately. They knew my father was abusive at times but I tried to keep it from them as much as I could. At least from Jamie. He always got so heated when he saw the bruises or I told him about them.

"That som' bitch hit ya again didn't he?" Jamie asked harshly.

"It was either me or Amelia.” I said quietly.

“Let her take some of the blows every now and then Will.” James said.

I chuckled humorlessly.

“I can’t do that Jamie. She’s so innocent and sweet. I don’t want him to take that from her. I can handle it. I’d rather it be me.” I told him.

“You don’t have to act so tough Willow.” Stevie said quietly.

“I’m not acting. My pa knows he’s hurting me. I never hold back my tears or my cries but I will still take any beating he wants to give. I got you idiots. Amelia only has me.” I explained softly.

Both the boys scooted closer to me. Steve wrapped his thin arm around my waist as Jamie rested his arm over my shoulders.

“We’re with ya Will.” Stevie said.

“Till the end of the line.” Jamie added.

“Always” I whispered as a smile spread across my face.

My boys. Hard to believe it’s only been three years. It felt more like a lifetime. I couldn’t ask for better friends to have my back. I was certainly lucky.

—

#nothingbutfangirlsmut #the girl out of time #bucky barnes #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #steve rogers #sam wilson #sam wilson fanfiction #sam x reader #james buchanan barnes

[freezingwintah]

Don't worry about me, I'll probably be fine

It all began when he met him. Over time it became clear they were on the same wavelength and pretty much in sync on everything.  The dynamic duo – PBG and Jeff.

Or so he thought, until he coughed up white petals nine months ago. At first, Jeff couldn’t believe it, when he saw a few of those in his palm.

The question was – his unrequited love – who was it? He didn’t even realize he was in love.

Time Skip 9 months

A new girl who transferred into Asagao Academy got a lot of attention. It wasn’t just because of her pink hair, she was cheerful and outgoing. Jeff wasn’t the only one who liked those traits in people, as was seen later when the girl, Hana befriended the Normal Boots.

Hana grew close to one of his best friends, which was... mildly concerning. Jeff vividly remembered when Peebs told him Hana is his childhood friend and he loved her since they were little kids. Something painful knotted up inside him; he felt light headed, but tried to appear happy for PBG’s sake.

“That’s great! You can resume your friendship where you left it off.”

PBG scratched his chin and his face was flushed as if he ran a marathon. “Well, you see I’m going to Flower Festival with her. As a r- romantic interest. It’s a date.”

Oh. A date.

Romantic date?

That’s when his condition showed its thorns and he excused himself, running to the nearest toilet to throw up those petals. He retched violently into the sink and the sight was somewhat out of horror. The white petals were mixed with red, which he recognized as blood upon feeling the iron taste in his mouth.

His condition got a lot worse. Jeff now fully understood who was the cause of this. He loved PBG, but his love won’t be reciprocated now that Hana’s in the picture.

So this is what having a broken heart felt like.

Jeff cleaned up the mess he made, leaving for his dorm room. Hopefully Ian won’t be around, he couldn’t handle these emotions. He felt like crying until he ran out of tears and became dull to the world. Maybe that would make this disease go away.

He didn’t look at faces, it all became a blur to him; a swirl of faces as he dejectedly dragged his feet to his room. He went in and sunk on his bed, where he let loose of his bottled up feelings.  

This helplessness was devastating; there was nothing he could do. Upon learning whom he loved, that person was whisked away by another person.

It’s not fair. Now I can’t even confess, since I know he loves Hana.

Jeff let those silent tears fall, sobbing quietly into his pillow, which was getting soaked. But he didn’t care for anything at the moment.

He smacked into the pillow and sheets a few times in frustration, his despair getting deeper and deeper.

Why did it have to be Peebs of all people. The one who was like my brother.

The hushed sobbing went on until he truly ran out of tears, emptying out his heart, only feelings left were dullness and tiredness.

He stirred on the bed, taking a look around his room. The room was encased in semi – darkness. He must have missed dinner. A bright light shone directly at him. Jeff tried to cover his tear – stained face and puffy eyes, but Ian’s stoic face stared him down with a frown.

Ian held up his phone, using the flashlight on it. He shook head. “Jeff, you look horrible. What happened?”  He cut to the chase, expecting answer from the heartbroken boy.

“What happened? I got my heart broken and I’m coughing up bloody petals.”

Ian stood up, crossed the room in three long steps and hugged him on the bed, trying to comfort. “Oh Jeff...”

Drained of energy, he bitterly laughed. “I missed my chance. I missed my chance and now I’m afraid to face him.”

His friend raised a brow at that. It was another guy? But who could it be? “Who is it?” He asked, knowing he won’t probably get an answer.

“It doesn’t matter, he’s happy and that’s what matters.”

Ian scoffed. “Now you’re spouting bullshit. Show a bit of your selfish side for once! Confess and maybe it’ll turn out good.”

“It won’t turn out good.” Jeff spoke softly, when that feeling came up again. He abruptly pushed Ian off and he coughed up the evidence of his illness.

His friend came up to him and patted his back, unsure what to do or say; he never met a person with this rare disease before. But if it was truly as hopeless as Jeff made it out, he should get rid of it.

“Jeff, since when did you show symptoms?”

He threw the petals into the bin and wiped his palms into his pants. Jeff didn’t want to answer, since he felt like a big fool now, for keeping it secret from his friends, especially Ian. But, at least one person ought to know. He glanced at Ian’s feet, unable to handle the mother – hen gaze. “Nine months. I learned only today who it was I loved. And today was the first time I threw up blood.”

“Nine months!? NINE MONTHS!?? ARE YOU CRAZY? YOU CAN DIE FROM THAT!!” Ian’s usual composure was gone and he became vocal with his worrying. He realized he raised his voice and apologized.

“I know I’m an idiot. Hopelessly stuck on a love that will never work out. We’ll never be together.”

“Jeff, it’s getting too dangerous. You have to go to surgery. As soon as possible.”

He stood there, like a lost child left in the rain. “I can’t do that. I’ll lose more than the love, I’ll lose all the memories I made with that person. It was like he and I never met. If I go and have that surgery done; after that we’ll meet and I won’t recognize him. At all. It’s... horrible.”

Ian tried to reason with him. “It’s better than dying! Jeff, listen to me! You can’t do this, this pain is consuming your from inside out. The sooner you get rid of it, the better!”

“I’ll think about it.” Jeff’s tone was definitive, ending the discussion. Ian sighed, knowing there was no persuading him. At least not now. “Fine. I guess you want to keep it between us?”

Jeff nodded.

“You’re impossible. If I find who the guy is, I’m making him take a look at the picture of misery standing beside me and telling him it’s his fault for causing you so much pain.”

“No, it’s not his fault. If someone’s at fault here, it’s me. He deserves better.”

“Really? Is that your disease speaking or your severely impaired rationality?”

Jeff plopped down on his bed, laying on stomach. “Both probably. I’m sorry, but would you mind bunking up with someone else tonight? I want to be alone.”

Ian crossed his arms defiantly, but his thoughts of protesting ceased when he saw Jeff’s face. “Alright, I’ll do what you want, but only tonight.” He grabbed his phone and at the door, he threw one last glance at his friend who just blankly stared at the wall.

He left, shutting the door with a thud. Jeff switched to lay on his side, the numbness consumed him. There were only two options. Suffer a horrible death... or get surgery done. He didn’t want to die, there was so much more he wanted to achieve in life, to see with his own eyes.

How much more until the disease claims him...?

Jeff’s phone buzzed, indicating he received a text message. Apathetically, he clicked into his feed.

                                                      PBG – Jeff, I hope you’re okay now. Is your                                                           stomach upset? Must be from the stress                                                                 you’re  under. Remember to take it easy and                                                        relax sometimes. Gotta go, I’m live on PB&J! :D

He turned off his phone and stood up to lock the door. He laid back on bed with a lot on mind.

Ian was right, it had to be done. No regrets. He has one last talk with PBG tomorrow and then....

I won’t remember him. I will hurt him indirectly when he meets ‘me’ after the operation.

Another wave of sadness rushed him.

I’ll say my final goodbye.

When he gazed at his mirror reflection the next day, he looked as bad as he felt, if not worse. Over night, he packed most of his essentials and the suitcase now stood in the left corner of dorm room like a grim reminder that he has to leave for a while.

There was no point postponing the inevitable. Jeff only changed clothes, shedding off his Hidden Block yellow & black jacket, leaving it slung over his chair.

Jeff had no appetite, but he headed towards cafeteria anyway. PBG would be there.

He entered and spotted him sitting at Normal Boots table, only ones there with him were Satch and Shane. And of course, his club was there, too at the usual table. With a weary smile he approached the table, and all conversations ceased.

“Why do you have casual clothes on? Where’s your uniform?”

“I’m leaving today. Ian will tell you more. I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. I’m sorry...” He bowed and his friends gaped at him, shocked and at loss at words. Ian, however knew a bit more and he had that look of deep understanding.

Now, there was only one matter, he turned on heel and strut to Normal Boots table. Jeff patted him on shoulder to get his attention. PBG looked up from his plate. “Jeff?”

“Can we talk somewhere private?”

PBG’s expression turned from worried to serious, as he nodded and abandoned the table, walking behind Jeff who had to remind himself to put one foot in front of another to keep walking.

Jeff led him to the theater. PBG would lie if he wasn’t intrigued why he wanted to talk in private and in such a desolate location, but he followed after his friend.

PBG shut the door and Jeff halted, standing near the stage. Peebs closed the distance, troubled by Jeff’s odd behavior. “I can feel something’s wrong. Also why aren’t you wearing your school uniform?” He asked.

“I’m not wearing the uniform because I’m leaving. I’ve had the Hanahaki Disease for a while now, but yesterday it got ten times worse. I need to get the surgery done.”

I won’t remember you at all.

PBG heard of that before, but he never thought a close friend would be afflicted. “So that’s why you run yesterday, to... uh... throw up petals...?”

His throat tightened, so he simply nodded. PBG raised a hand, reaching for him, but retreated in the last second. Somehow, he felt the last thing Jeff wanted now from his was empathy.

“But, why are you telling me this?”

Because I love you so damn much it’s killing me.

“You’re my best friend, I thought you should know.” Jeff lied, avoiding PBG’s gaze intentionally.

To his surprise, Peebs wrapped his arms around him and Jeff barely contained his tears.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry...

He wished he could stay in his arms forever, but he had to face the reality; which was he’ll always be a friend. Nothing more. But, just for this moment, just this one last time...

Let me enjoy this moment.

Jeff rested his head on PBG’s shoulder, while the other boy patted his back rather awkwardly. “Is it really that bad? Do you have to leave? Flower Festival is tomorrow...”

“The more I wait, the more I risk it getting worse. I need to book an appointment.” Jeff muttered into his shoulder. “I... I understand. But who is the girl you like? She must be blind not to love you back.”

He chuckled at the irony. “Let’s just say it wasn’t gonna work out between us.” Jeff pried himself off from his chest, turning his back on him.

His knew very well this was the last goodbye. Jeff strut to the theater entrance, he balled up his fists, nails digging into his palms.

“Jeff!” Peebs yelled out when his hands were on the door handle. In that split second, he almost believed it would have a different ending. The desperation in PBG’s voice did a number with his heart.

Cocking head to the side, he got to see him with tears dripping down his cheeks. “Will you be alright after that?”

You dummy, don’t cry or else I’ll cry, too.

Jeff pulled up one his best goofy grins. “Don’t worry about me, I’ll probably be fine.” He sighed, looking outside the door he just opened wide.

It was so sunny and bright.

Goodbye Peebs. I know Hana will make you happy.

He walked out and felt this bittersweet feeling envelop around him as he walked back to Bluebell, tears he didn’t even bother hiding flowed out on their own.

On the train, he wiped his face clean and called his parents, informing them of the situation.

After all that was done, he was exhausted and let the train lull him along.

#asagao academy #hanahaki disease #but with a twist #surgery causes not only feelings to be removed but also memories of knowing the person #pb&jeff #ian is a good friend