#and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday-

[oscar-lettjohanssonloveme]

My Beautiful Girl (Cordelia Goode x plus-size!reader)

request: (by anon) May I request something for plus size reader x Miss Venable or Cordelia Goode? Thank you!

summary: somedays you feel really insecure in your body.

warnings: body insecurities

a/n: just a quick reminder: u are beautiful. uhm don't expect too much, its not that good(e) :’D

google translate :’D

"Honey?"

"Mhh?"

"Why are you wearing a bra?"

That was probably one of the weirdest questions Cordelia had ever asked you.

You turned around in confusion to look into the worried face of your girlfriend, who had climbed into bed and was now leaning over you,

"Why not?" You replied indifferently, even though you knew inwardly why she was confused.

"I uh- you never wear underwear under your pajamas," Cordelia explained as she brushed her own strand of hair from your face. You shrugged your shoulders.

"Lots of women do that," you said curtly, watching Cordelia narrow her eyes.

"Isn't that unhealthy or something like that?"

"Well I don't know," you muttered and looked away from her to stare at your bedside lamp.

"Google it, if you care."

You heard Cordelia sigh before reaching for your chin to force your gaze back to her.

"The only thing I care about is why you wear a bra now, you don't usually do that."

You rolled your eyes in annoyance.

"I can wear whatever I want. It's not a big deal. You- Delia, I'm really tired, okay? And I really don't feel like talking to you about what's under my pajamas."

Cordelia didn't answer and just looked at you for a few seconds. You hated it when she did that. Simply because you could never read that look and you never knew what was going on in her head.

Of course you had a reason you left your bra on, but you never would have wanted to tell Cordelia about it, simply because it was a very sensitive topic ... Self-love was weird. You always found, that you were someone, who had a lot of love to give, but strangely enough, it was never enough for yourself.

Usually you were in tune with your body, you accepted it and sometimes you even found yourself beautiful. But then there were days when all it took was a judgmental look, that suddenly made you feel ugly. You just wanted to be invisible and as small as possible on those days, but unfortunately, that was impossible because everything about you was so big. Your legs, your breasts, your stomach ... just big. Too big for your taste.

Those days you wanted nobody to see you. You couldn't even look at yourself without wanting to cry. Beauty was just a stupid illusion, like normally looking at yourself through a filter and then there were those days when that filter was suddenly gone and you saw reality. It was gross and definitely not a topic you liked to talk about.

And today was one of those days. And you'd just wanted to keep your stupid bra on, because it made you feel safe and you hoped to  hide your body under it. Although the whole thing was ridiculous, Cordelia was your girlfriend and had seen you naked so many times and besides, she was the last person who would judge you, you knew that. Unfortunately, the problem these days wasn't just, that you looked ugly.. Another problem was that Cordelia, the perfect Cordelia, could see you. And those days you just couldn't understand why she was wasting her time on you of all people.

"Of course you can wear whatever you want, I didn't mean to make you feel insecure," she said suddenly and pulled you out of your thoughts about your own ugliness. Your girlfriend leaned over to turn off your bedside lamp before leaning down and pressing her lips against your temple for a moment.

"Good night honey," she muttered.

You felt her lay down behind you before wrapping her arms around your waist. Bad idea.

Immediately you froze in her grip and inadvertently pulled in your stomach. For a few minutes the two of you lay there in silence, not realizing that you had been holding your breath, when Cordelia finally pulled back and switched the light back on.

"Okay, what's wrong?" She asked without sounding reproachful. You turned your head to her and saw, that she had leaned her back against the headboard.

God she was so beautiful it was almost a curse. The blonde angel curls that curled on her white nightgown. Her pure skin and then the brown eyes that glinted down on you with concern.

"Nothing is wrong," you mumbled as you sat up too, leaning against the headboard of the bed like her.

"I can see that something is", Delia replied and you tried to ignore her penetrating gaze by staring down into your lap.

"I am fine."

"You lie."

"I dont lie."

"Y / N, you are lying," Cordelia muttered, shaking her head.

"I thought we'd always be honest with each other."

You felt a little stitch in your chest when you heard her words, because she was right. Usually you always talked to her about the things that bothered you, just as she talked to you.

"I'm okay," you said, looking at her again to smile carefully.

"It's just .. you know, sometimes you have those days when all the disgusting comments, that people have ever made about you and that you have almost repressed crash into your brain and pull you down at the same time, don't you?" you asked and looked at her expectantly.

"I uh- actually not," Cordelia admitted honestly. You looked away from her again and shook your head. Of course she didn't know that. Cordelia looked so perfect and the things people said about you only applied to you, not to her.

"Is it again about that you are not a witch or what-?" Cordelia asked further.

"Jesus, no".

You nervously stared down at your fingers in your lap.

Actually, you would have told Cordelia about it, had you not only been so sensitive about this topic. It wasn't easy to admit how weak you actually felt in your body.

"Cordelia you are the supreme, you know everything anyway," you said desperately.

"That's really cute, honey, but I don't know everything and that's why I want you to talk to me, okay?"

Cordelia grabbed your hand and you just wanted to push it away. As if you with your strange body were worth for her touch.

You raised your eyes again to meet hers, which were filled with love.

Cordelia was your girlfriend and you loved her so much, that it was actually unfair that you were lying to her right now.

"It's my body," you said quietly. Unfortunately a little too quiet, because she couldn't hear you.

"What?", Delia asked confused as she ran her thumbs over the back of your hand. You swallowed and tried to blink away the tears that filled your eyes.

"My body, Cordelia," you said a little louder now.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Oh god".

You wanted to scream out loud, it was frustrating. It was obvious to you and you wondered if she was really that stupid or if she was just pretending to be.

"I just- I hate it, that's it," you finally hissed, lowering your gaze to your hand, which was still in hers. Cordelia's thumb, which had still rubbed the back of your hand lightly, stopped for a moment and you heard Cordelia let out a soft "Oh".

"Why don't you tell me that?" She asked in a low voice and you could hear the sadness in it.

"I don't know, it's complicated", you pinched the bridge of your nose with your free hand.

"It's not always like this, just some days."

"..and today is one of those days ?", added Cordelia and you nodded slowly.

"Oh honey" Cordelia sighed as she leaned forward to pull you into her arms, but you almost automatically jumped off the bed.

"Cordelia I- uhm .." you stuttered and crossed your arms over your chest.

"The problem isn't actually, that I hate myself on those days. You know, I'm always good enough for myself, but .."

You interrupted yourself and looked at Cordelia thoughtfully for a few seconds. It was actually ridiculous. You knew, that Cordelia chose you, even though she could have anyone. That meant that she still had to feel something for you. But for you it was just not understandable, simply because all you felt for yourself was hate. At least on days like this.

"But?" Repeated Cordelia, getting up from the bed to walk over to you, but still with enough distance.

"But you," you mumbled quietly without looking at her.

"You are so- i dont know, beautiful. And I'm so .. so ugly, I guess? You can see that it is kind of weird, right?"

You looked back at your girlfriend, which was a bad idea. Cordelia looked at you so sadly, that you immediately regretted telling her that. Actually, it was a stupid decision. It was much easier to live, when people thought you were happy in your body and now you had openly shown Delia how weak and vulnerable you actually were and that because of something you couldn't change. It was your body, the weird thing that you always had to carry around with you, even though you would like to lock it in your closet.

"You are beautiful, Y / N," Delia suddenly said firmly. But it felt like a lie. If your perception made you feel like you were ugly, then she could only lie.

"Cordelia, thats-" you started in a thick voice, but she interrupted you to repeat her words.

"You're beautiful."

The pain these words caused in you was indescribable.

On the one hand, that was what you wanted to hear. You were an woman, who needed a lot of confirmation. Yet on the other hand, you knew it was a lie. As if Cordelia had sinned when those words left her tongue.

"You .. you don't have to say this to make me feel better," you muttered and Cordelia shook her head.

"I'm not saying this to make you feel better. I'm saying this, because it's the truth. Y / N, you're beautiful and you have no idea how sad it makes me to see, that you can't understand this."

"I don't know," you sighed. "It's actually stupid."

"Oh yeah it's stupid, when you say you are ugly when you are actually so beautiful. You have to believe me, Y / N. I would never lie to you. And besides, if I found you unattractive, we wouldn't be here now."

Cordelia crossed her arms over her chest and looked at you again.

"Maybe you're just doing this out of pity," you said and immediately realized how stupid it all sounded.

"Pity?" Cordelia repeated with raised eyebrows and you just nodded.

The blonde took a step towards you and before you could react, she held your face between her hands.

"You are beautiful, Y / N," she repeated her words for the third time.

"You are so many things, but definitely not ugly. And even if you can't see that, you have to trust me, that I would never lie to you and I think, that you are perfect the way you are, do you understand?"

Your face was only a few inches from hers and you could look straight into her brown eyes. And while you couldn't really believe Cordelia's words, she was right: she definitely wasn't going to lie to you.

"Whenever you have one of those days,, I want you to come to me right away. I want us to work together, to make you feel good in your body and that you don't have to feel like you have to hide from me and therefore keep your bra on at night. You are so beautiful Y / N and you deserve to know, that's why I want you to talk to me about it, no matter how uncomfortable it is for you. I love you so much and I want you to be able to love yourself too. "

Cordelia was still staring at you and you noticed, that she hadn't blinked a single time while she was speaking. As if she knew what magic there was in her beautiful eyes.

"Okay," you finally mumbled and immediately her gaze relaxed.

"Thank you darling".

"You don't have to say thank you," Cordelia said, smiling gently.

"That you are beautiful is a fact and not a decision or an opinion."

"Thank you anyway, your words mean a lot to me."

You leaned over carefully to kiss her gently. Your hands fell on her hips while she still held your face in her hands.

"You are so so beautiful, honey," Cordelia whispered against your lips and repeated her words again as she ran her thumbs over your cheeks.

"Do you feel safe enough to finally take off your bra now?"

You pulled back and looked at her uncertainly for a moment.

"Only if you want and if you are fine with it," Delia added and you nodded slowly.

Cordelia smiled gently.

"Great". she muttered.

"May I-?"

She pointed to the corner of your nightgown and again you nodded slowly before you felt Delia carefully grabbing the hem of your nightgown to pull it over your head.

You could hear Delia throwing the nightgown on the floor next to you. Her cool fingers wandered behind your back to unhook your bra, which also slid to the floor.

"I love every inch of your skin, so please don't hide from me," Cordelia whispered as she put her hands on your hips and started rubbing your skin with her thumb.

"My beautiful girl."

#cordelia goode x reader #cordelia goode imagine #sarah paulson x reader #sarah paulson imagine #american horror story

[shidiand]

How do you imagine Tenco's Story ending in your head?

that is a GREAT but UNEXPECTED QUESTION freshlybaked "spider" bread and i'm really happy to have the opportunity to try and answer this ageless question that has burned within all of us in the tenco's story iv waiting room community since 2013. it is an incredible coincidence (or is it? 👀) that i was just talking to Risa about tenco's this (edit: yesterday) morning so i am extra double super in the mood to talk about Tenco's Story today. so excellent of a coincidence is this that i am tempted to refer you to them in case you wanted to hear their thoughts on the matter that would probably turn out super cool, but that is neither here nor there; let us talk Tenco's Story.

i of course must mention my unadvertised and modestly detailed commentary on tenco's i-iii at https://shidiand.tumblr.com/tencos, presenting slightly interesting facts in an unwieldy and difficult-to-use format, but as it dates back to june 2017, i want to take some time to understand my feelings about the series once more.

tenco's story is a series that has a lot of meaning to me.

i took on my current name of shidiand in november of 2013. i was still in 11th grade at the time, 4th year of high school, and a very socially isolated person. i should say i was introduced to touhou in 7th grade, 2010, so i was still working through a 3 years-strong phase of trying to simultaneously both find an outlet for and bottle up an endless wellspring of awkward weeaboo-gamer nerd energy at the time.

i had my first real foray onto the internet in 2010, tried out twitter, followed some RPers and other people who had Cool Touhou Usernames. didn't really go anywhere. i had maybe 50 followers, i dont really know the count but it was definitely a) double digits and b) pretty low. didn't know what to tweet about. didn't know how to hit it off with others. i think there was basically maybe only 3 other people i ever properly interacted with. oh shit i was playing league of legends at the time. oh my god. i really did play league of .. oh my god. let's move on.

aw shit im super digressing amn't i. well.

this is just how it goes when i write essays on tumblr.com.

i'm afraid you're just along for the ride at this point so please do your best to enjoy it.

i got kind of tired of twitter at the time because i didnt know what to do with it. didnt know how to interact with people and didnt find the people i was following interesting, so i ghosted on out of there by the end of 2012. didnt deactivate it until like 2015 but at that point that was just burning away my dark history. anyways. november 2013.

--im taking a lot of time here trawling through old files on my computer, my tumblr blog, notification emails still lying around in my gmail inbox from twitter, the dropbox i didn't actually use but it had several tenco's story pictures on it but i deleted them so this was useless, ... to trace the timeline of this story and im really seeing a lot of remnants of dark history here you know? did you know i wrote a letter to a girl i had a crush on valentine's day 2014, slipped it into her locker, and anxiously hung around nearby at lunchtime to see how she reacted at lunchtime? i certainly didn't, or at least i made darn ass sure to forget about this incredible virgin incident and not remember it, ever, until i came across the records of it that i thoughtfully preserved for the me of 5 years later today. ok well now i have to read the letter to see if it was as bad as it just sounded there brb

ok so the good news is that it was actually very focused on being positive and full of admiration for the cool things she did instead of being a confession letter so i am very glad i was able to be a respectful chad 5 years ago, but the bad news is that the jokes, the actual sentences i put together. oh my god. but i mean. well. at least i got the spirit. its certainly a step up from this other person in my grade, WEEABOO ANDREW, YOU MAY RECALL THIS STORY AND HIS NAME FROM PREVIOUS STORYTIMES, THE MAN THE MYTH THE LEGEND who came to school on halloween once cosplaying kirito from sword art online and got very possessive about people asking if they could hold his black replica plastic sword, and probably worse, dropped a "will you be my girlfriend" letter into the locker of my homie and fellow trombonist samantha, who was a little bit nerdy, hung out with the anime-likers who were actually sociable and fun to be around so you can imagine why weeaboo andrew was into her, which had i) a direct quotation from SAO chapter 16.5 (origin of the famous "glopping noise" line), and ii) a condom. jesus christ. i dont want to talk about this any more. next topic.

i also put this drawing of iku nagae and her skarmory (actually an albinoss from 18 DRAGONS) on the other side of the letter because it was the coolest thing i could think of drawing at the time. and i completely agree with 2014 me because it IS super fucking cool. hell fuckin yeah

https://shidiand.tumblr.com/post/76301993387/iku-nagae-ft-that-thing-that-supposedly-is-a

alright that was a fun little trip down memory lane but lets get back on track. november 2013. i started anew as shidiand. still awkward, still learning how to express myself and looking for my place among others. i followed some touhou bloggers, hung around r/touhou a lot as well. in december i got my first tablet for christmas, a wacom bamboo splash. i still use this thing! the usb cable disconnects if you bump it so i have to find just the perfect position to sit in whenever i want to draw, but its served me well. anyways. i was just starting to play around with digital art but i remember, probably just before new years, for some reason i wanted to find out more about tenshi hinanawi (i don't remember why. tenshi wasn't even one of my favourite characters at the time) so i went googling and right there on zerochan i found this:

https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=23525572

this was during my dark souls phase so i just went BANANAS at the sight of this. this was literally the coolest image i had ever seen in my internet life. That image alone made me want to draw in hopes that I could make something as cool as that someday.

it wasn't immediately after but i soon discovered tenco's story, and it was love. kannnu was my very first artistic inspiration, and for a long time, my only one. i absolutely idolized them at the time. since then, ive found other artists to look up to, in a more healthy manner, but to this day i still look up to kannnu, still admire their work a lot.

i played around with drawing, followed the lives of people on tumblr, started reading touhou fanfiction, made a new twitter. i met a lot of new people along the way. some people i havent stuck with, some i cut ties with, and some people i still keep in contact with today. over those long 5 years of being shidiand, i found a name (i used to use shidian and then shid, but someone called me shidi once and i realized that was a lot better), how to reach out to others, how to express myself, places that i could feel included in. this is why i owe a blood debt to evelyn, who permitted me to kneel at her throne and was like "yea ok you can join my discord server u seem cool". evelyn, if you were confused by me ominously mentioning this blood debt/blood oath in a tumblr reply 1-2 years ago, this is the context. those 5 years were like a coming of age of sorts, that i never had when i was in high school.

and my love for tenco's story, that inspired me to draw that day, has been with me since almost the very beginning of my time as shidiand. from the beginning, i have always encouraged people to READ TENCO'S STORY, like the kin of those who cry PLAY MELTY or WATCH SYMPHOGEAR. i think my very first sidebar description was something akin to a prayer, written in very choral language, hoping for the day tenco's story iv was completed, ..., "meanwhile, furious shitposting". kannnu's work, finding delight in whatever they chose to draw, has been at my side, all along. my true mentor, my guiding moonlight...

so that's why i still to this day love tenco's story so much.

let's talk about tenco's story.

tenco's story is a story told through single pictures. the plot is vague, and details are sparse. dialogue is rare. we only know what has happened; we seldom know why. furthermore, there are many gaps between scenes that the reader is left to fill in for themselves; we see only snapshots that form an hazy outline of the events that occurred, and must imagine the rest. motivations and explanations fail me. but even with a barebones plot, tenco's story has themes, and if nothing else, those have to be carried through.

the main theme, of course, is journey and travel, but there are also other ideas, too. i actually think they start to change as the series goes on:

book i, where tenshi runs away from home, is about striking out on your own. it's a very fun and unpredictable journey, together with a friend.

book ii, where tenshi and iku are separated, forces tenshi to find and rely on companions of her own even more. but they do so, and they are able overcome hardships, and there is food and festival.

book iii marks a climax, reasserting tenshi's goal of finding the sword of hisou. i feel like the journey shifts from a travel (visiting) to a path forwards (making your way through). perhaps this is just something i get from knowing the locations from dark souls (Anor Londo, New Londo Ruins, the Great Hollow), but the locations start to give more of a sense of verticality, like they're emphasizing tenshi's climb to the summit. the hardships and enemies are the greatest they've been yet, and right when they near the top, tenshi and iku start to bleed. the book ends on an uncertain note.

if i had to describe the type of journey and travel that tenshi and iku undertake, there's this sense of wonder at discovering new places, wandering from vista to vista in delight, but also a sense of conquering, making it through a difficult patch. the sequence from pages 2-44 to 2-51, taken together, convey this sense of overcoming the best. it's one of my favourite parts. again, although the tone definitely starts to lean towards struggle in book iii, i think tenco's sense of wonder really is the heart of the series. there's no map of the world, no predicting where tenshi and iku will end up next. and through their travels, though they come across many enemies, they also find friends -- places of refuge, places full of life, people who will look after them for a few days, companions who will stay with them for the rest of the journey. at the end of book iii, we see a long haired tenshi with purple hair being impaled by the sword of hisou (3-33, see also this extra illustration that risa pointed out to me http://sinnnkai.blog.fc2.com/blog-entry-195.html), and regular short haired tenshi continuing on her journey (3-42). if we ignore the out-of-story images where tenshi has the sword of hisou, tenshi has actually only ever used her sunlight blade (2-24, 3-26, etc), so i think that the long haired tenshi on 3-33 is a different person altogether. (if i had to guess, she might be the purple haired woman in the top left of https://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=35443328 as we have never seen that woman appear anywhere.) she probably has something to do with the flashbacks at the end of book ii and she might somehow be short-haired tenshi at the same time, but this is just speculation.

however, in 3-43, tenshi's hair is rather blue, so i don't know if this is the purple haired woman or not. if it is, tenshi is probably still fine and closing in on the summit, but if it isn't, then it's very worrying to see a picture of tenshi without any of her companions. it's very ominous.

meanwhile, iku, while climbing the red carpeted corridor, is stabbed, and disappears for a few pages. there's a black page, a shot of a shrine that strongly resembles the hakurei shrine, and a picture of iku standing behind someone in a tux, with the line "In the past, I was saved by the lady I was serving, you see?". and then iku wakes up in a field of flowers.

i think what this scene makes clear is a theme that has continued to appear and reappear throughout every book of "being saved, being aided by someone's kindness".

i think another theme that is implied and has to be addressed by this story of running away from home is "return". something im imagining is that the reason tenshi makes finding the sword of hisou her goal is because she wants to have something to prove herself with, to vindicate her when she comes home. but i don't think she needs to prove anything, and i ultimately think that she would be happier spending the rest of her life exploring.

so i think this should be what happens in the ending.

open on iku's journey, and give her a long sequence of travel without seeing tenshi. underline her newfound resolve. she climbs to the summit with albinoss, and finds the rest of tenshi's companions fallen. and in the last room is sword of hisou tenshi, who has lost herself, and it comes down to iku to bring her back. after a difficult battle, when both of them are on their last legs, iku is unable to stand any longer. but at this moment tenshi sees her companions struggling to get back up and reach her, and that's what brings her to her senses. and iku gets to see how many friends tenshi's been able to make on her own, and they finally and properly reunite. together, tenshi and iku carry each other out of the last room.

i don't think it's necessary to return to heaven. as a conclusion, dedicate some time to tenshi and iku travelling together. they're on their way back, revisiting old friends who helped them along the way, enjoying the journey. their last stop is the house of the elderly nawis (1-42). tenshi shows off the sword of hisou; she decided to keep it not as a trophy to show her family but as proof of the bonds of her companions. surrounded by friends, tenshi and iku decide to part ways with each other, knowing that the other will be alright. iku drifts among the clouds once more, and tenshi sets off for the horizon.

that's the plot that i'd write/just wrote. i don't really expect tenco's story iv to ever come out, though. i mentioned my first sidebar description earlier in this essay, but of course, you can see that it's been changed. 2 years ago, i read my hopeful prayer once more and was struck with a terrible melancholy, so now it reads this: "having come to terms with the fact that tenco's story iv will never be released, i can still live, knowing that the spirit of the journey will live on through kannnu's original works [...] meanwhile, furious shitposting".

on one level, tenco's story is a story, but in the process of following it, i came to think of the work itself as a journey too. you can constantly see kannnu's improvement between and even within each book. they have always drawn whatever they liked; what plot matters in the face of "I wanted to draw a beautiful sky." "I wanted to draw a fantastic battle." "I wanted to draw Dark Souls and Monster Hunter and Pokemon and Brave Fencer Musashi and Bokura no Taiyou and Touhou."

its not really kannnu's style to go back and tie up old ends. they just draw whatever makes them happy. so as i watch them continue to draw beautiful places and fantastic creatures, new characters heading out on journeys of their own or just enjoying their everyday lives, it's as if tenco's story never ended. the limits and consistency of that world ignored, and a new one springs up; in a way, the world of tenco's, which had such thin boundaries, just gets bigger.

but even so, having said all that, i still see them draw that short-haired tenshi from time to time. it makes me happy to see them remember tenco's story with such fondness. often crossing over with orion or roar or elweiss, you can see tenshi on another journey.

#tenco's story #freshlybakedspiderbread

[gray-autumn-sky]

Sleepless in Seattle, Chapter 9

March 6, 1993- Seattle, Washington:

Belle carries a bologna and cheese sandwich that’s cut up in quarters over to Roland, grinning as he grins up at her to accept it.

“So, she begins, sitting down across from him. “Your dad said you were having a friend over today after school. Did something happen?”

“No,” Roland says easily as he bites into the sandwich. “I ride the bus, but Gus doesn't, so his mom had to pick him up like she always does and bring him over.”

“Oh—“

“He said he had to make a stop.”

“He did,” Belle says, her brow arching. “Not his mum?”

“Nope. Him.”

“Ah—“

Roland nods as he chews  the bread’s crust. “We have a project we need to work on and we needed paper.”

“I’m sure you have paper here. You’ve got a whole bin of construction paper and—“

“No,” Roland says, cutting in and shaking his head. “We need nice paper for this.”

“Oh. Okay then.”

Roland grins and nods, then takes a bigger bite of the danish. “It’s really important that we have nice paper.”

“Oh…” Belle shifts and straws in a breath. “So your dad has been seeing my friend, Emma.”

“Emma is your friend?”

“Yes, mine and Ruby’s.”

“Oh, I… I didn’t know that.”

“Your dad says you don't like her.”

Roland shrugs. “I don’t really know her.”

“That’s fair,” Belle says slowly. “I just… I just want you to understand that just because they go on dates sometimes, that… that doesn't mean he’s going to marry her.”

Roland’s brow furrows as he looks back at her. “Then, what's the point of dating her?”

“Well, to… get out and get back in the swing of things and…”

“I don’t have a problem with my dad dating.”

“So, it’s...just Emma you don’t like?”

“I just don't think she’s right for him.”

“That’s why people date. To find someone who is right for them, and that’s a decision that no one else can make for another person.”

Roland nods, considering it. “Then why did you and Aunt Ruby set him up with Emma?”

“Because he’s a really good guy and she's nice and… we thought they might be good together.”

“I like Regina better.”

“Who?”

“Regina,” he says, as if she should know. “The lady who wrote the letter on the pretty paper.” He grins. “She likes Hemingway just like dad does, she has a son who is in Boy Scouts and I’ll be in Boy Scouts next year, and she makes great lasagna, dad’s favorite.” Roland grins as he considers it, and then his grin fades away. “Emma makes Shepherd’s pie. It was not good.”

“Not everyone is gifted in the kitchen.”

“I know, that’s why dad needs someone who is.”

At that, Belle laughs. “So where is this Regina person from?”

“Connecticut.”

“Roland, that’s really far away. It’s all the way on the other side of the country.”

“I know where Connecticut is. I looked it up on the big map at school.” He pauses and takes another bite of the sandwich. “But Gus says a long distance relationship can be a good thing because abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Um, I think you mean absence, Roland.”

“Yeah. That. That’s what Gus said.”

Belle’s eyes narrow. “Gus as in the little boy that’s coming over to play?”

“To work on a project.”

“Oh, are you not friends with Gus that way?”

“He’s my best friend.”

“Oh, I just…” Belle stops. “Never mind.”

“Well, that may or may not be true, but who am I to argue with the sage advice of a six year old?”

“Gus is seven. He had a late birthday, so he could have been in second grade.”

A grin twists on to Belle’s lips. “That explains it then.”

“Yeah…”

The doorbell rings just as Roland is finishing his sandwich, and as soon as it does, he stuffs the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and runs to the door. And Belle can’t help but laugh as he pulls open the front door, grabs a hold of his friend’s wrist and drags him up the stairs without a word…

“You should see this letter,” Roland says, closing the door behind him.

“Is the paper nice? My mom says that’s how you know someone cares—when they send you something nice.” Gus nods with a serious expression on his round face. “It’s all about the effort, ya know.?”

Roland nods in agreement. “It’s very nice.”

“Then she really likes your dad.”

“Yeah,” Roland says, grabbing the letter from his night stand. “And she included so many of the things my dad likes, without even knowing it.”

“Wow.”

“I know,” Roland says handing his friend the letter. “Look.”

He watches as Gus looks at the envelope, examining it carefully as if looking for clues, then he unfolds the letter, his eyes slowly moving over the words. “You read this?”

“Well… not.. not all of it,” Roland admits. “Just the words I know. But I can tell it’s a really good letter.” He grins. “She quoted Hemingway, and one of the quotes she uses, my dad has a journal that says that same thing on the front.”

“Cool.”

“Right? She is a good cook, too.”

“My dad says that’s super important.”

“Her best meals are my dad’s favorite which is lasagna and then my favorite, apple pie.”

“That’s amazing,” Gus says, his eyes widening a little. “Why did your dad say?”

Roland frowns. “He didn’t read it.”

“Why not?”

“He’s got a girlfriend.”

“Does she make apple pie?”

“No, she makes Shepherd's pie.”

“Ew.”

Roland nods. “It had peas in it.”

“Gross. She’s gotta go.”

“Yeah,” Roland frowns. “She’s… not that bad, really. She rollerblades, I guess.”

“Has she taken you?”

“No.”

“Oh. Then what good is that?”

“I don't know,” Roland admits, “Maybe she will someday.”

“But maybe your Dad’ll dump her before that.”

“I hope so,” Roland says, a little grin pulling onto his lip. “That’s why I invited you over, actually.”

“Need me to throw a fire and scare her of? My dad says I’m ‘specially skilled at making people wanna leave when I get upset about stuff.” He giggles. “Have you ever seen Parent Trap?”

“No. “What’s that?”

“Only the best movie ever. Twins scare off their dad’s terrible girlfriend.”

“Well, I’m not a twin, so I don’t think that would work,” Roland says, considering it as he shifts a bit uncomfortably. “Plus, not actually terrible. I don’t want to scare her,” he says. “I just want her to break up with my dad ‘cause there’s someone better for him.”

“That’s the point,” Gus says. “To make Emma go away.”

“I have a better idea, though,” Roland says, sitting up a little straighter and smiling at his own cleverness. “We are going to write her.”

“Her—“

“Regina,” Roland says. “We are going to write back to her.”

“We’re in first grade, Roland.”

“But we’re the best writers in our class. Our teacher is always saying that.”

Gus nods. “That’s true.”

“So, together, I think we could probably write a pretty good one.”

For a moment, Gus considers it. “We did get an A on that Halloween story was wrote together.”

“Exactly.” Taking a breath, Gus looks down at the letter. “I have some ideas. I started yesterday.”

“Let’s see.”

Reaching back into the nightstand, Roland pulls a lined piece of paper from the drawer. “It’s, just a draft, obviously.” He says, handing the paper over to Gus, watching as Gus reads it to himself then clears his throat to read aloud.

“Dear Regina,” he begins.”You sound really neat—“ Gus grins up at him. “That's a good line.”

“I thought so,” Roland beams.

“You should tell her how much you like lasagna next.”

“Yeah! And why!”

“Good,” Gus nods, looking down at the rest of the letter. “That's good. She is going to love this!”

_____

March 6, 1993- Greenwich, Connecticut:

That evening she and Daniel went out on a date—dinner while Henry was at a friend’s working on a project for school. Daniel suggested the little place in Hartford where they’d gone on their first date, and she’d easily agreed—Henry didn't have to be picked up until nearly eight that evening and it’d have nice to eat in a restaurant that didn’t have children’s section on the menu.

They took her car and when they got into the freeway, Daniel flicked on the radio, and almost immediately her cheeks flushed at the sound of Doctor Hopper’s voice.

“Isn’t this that show you like so much?”

Regina shrugs. “I’m, um… I’m actually doing a story for work on this show.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, it’s... it’s about its emotional appeal.”

“Ohh, that's… that’s actually really interesting. I’d like to hear about it sometime,” Daniel tells her, offering a quick little grin. “When did you start this?”

“Um, a couple of weeks ago.”

“Is it—“

“Can we… not talk about it right now? I’ve spent the whole day thinking about the angle I wasn’t to take for this story and what my argument is going to be, and I just… I just want to focus on something else.”

“Yeah, sure,” Daniel says easily, not seeming to pick up any any of her discomfort over this particular topic. “Do you want to change the station?”

“No,” she murmurs. “I do like this show. It’s… it’s oddly calming.”

“Alright then,” Daniel says, grinning as he looks over at her. “We’ll listen, but not discuss.”

“Perfect,” she says, grinning back.

Daniel tuns up the sound just as Doctor Hopper comes back informing listeners  that he’s talking to couples who are sure they’ve found the key to a long-lasting and healthy marriage. And then, they listen to a string of callers explain to Doctor Hopper and his listeners how they married someone they felt was their best friend.

When they arrive at the restaurant, the host leads them to the same table they’d ate at on their first date and she and Daniel had both laugh at the coincidence—and then something glitters in Daniel’s eyes.

And again, she found herself with an uneasy feeling that has become commonplace whenever she thinks he might be considering a proposal.

They get through an appetizer and dinner—and then, after their desert arrives, she watches Daniel reach into the breast pocket of his jacket and pull out a ring box.

She masks her discomfort with surprise and suddenly when the box opens, revealing to her a gorgeous antique ring that he tells her was his mother’s, the entire restaurant is staring that them.

She’s not even sure what he says when he asks because she can’t hear him over the beating of her heart and the voice in her head that tells her this is too soon—but he smiles and the crowded restaurant aww’s and she finds herself nodding, reminding herself that Daniel is, by far, the sweetest, kindest man she’s ever met, that he loves her son and that he loves her, and she reminds herself that she would be a complete fool not to want to marry him.

And as she stares at him with a hundred conflicting thoughts going through her head, she couldn’t help but think there were far worse things than marrying a man like Daniel Colter; and while she and Daniel might not have had passion, but perhaps they had something better.

She comfort and ease, understanding and trust and the sort of love that came from what seemed to be rekindled friendship.

So, she says yes.

The restaurant claps and Daniel pulls her into a warm hug—and she sort of melts into him as she feels a burst of contentment that lasts for the rest of the evening.

And then, she gets home.

Mal is there, curled up one he armchair with a glass of wine, her brow arched skeptically.

“Thank you, for, um,... for picking Henry up.”

“He’s never any trouble.”

Regina smiles. “Is he already asleep.”

“Yeah, He went to bed about a half an hour ago. You just—“ Mal stops and sits up a little straighter as her eyes fall to Regina’s hand. “Oh, so that’s why you were detained.”

Smiling Regina nods. “We… um… we had some unexpected celebrating to do.”

“I’ll say, Mal says, getting up and cross the room toward her. “He finally did it.”

“He finally did.”

“And, you obviously said yes.”

I did,” Regina says smiling a bit shyly. “I… wasn’t sure, but then there he was with the ring and—“

“Regina—“

“I love him. I do. And what we have might not be perfect, but it’s incredible and I’m happy and I’ve never been as happy as I am with him.”

“What about Sleepless in Seattle?”

“Sleepless in Seattle doesn't even know that I exist.”

Mal nods, biting down on her lip. “What happened to not being able to get him out of your head?”

“He’s a fantasy Mal. He’s not real… not… not to me anyway.” She shakes her head. “And Daniel is very real and when I’m with him I feel—“

“Magic?”

“Mal—“

“Please don’t do this, Mal,” Regina says, pressing her eyes closed as she sighs. “Please just let me have this.”

“What about your story?”

“What’s about it? Regina asks, stepping away from Mal. “I can still write it.”

“Really? Because I got the impression the story was an excuse.”

“The story isn’t an excuse. It’s… it’s just something I’m interested in.” She shakes her head. “I… I think I was going down a really unhealthy road, and… and tonight sort of… snapped me back and put me down a different path.”

“A better one?”

“A healthier one. One that’s based on something real, not… not some obsession.” Something about that makes Mal soften. “For so long I was so unhappy, and I spent years building up this idea of what love is supposed to be.”

“You deserve a fairytale.”

“Fairytales aren't real, Mal. They’re not and what I have with Daniel is very real.”

“Do you love him?”

“Yes, of course I do.”

“Are you in love with him?”

“I love him, Mal, and when I envision what our life together would be like, I really like what I see.” She smiles gently. “We’ll be happy.”

“You don’t seem excited.”

“I am, and for the first time in my life, I feel like… like I’m finally in a good place. Please, Just… let me have that.”

Mal sighs and nods,m and then a warm smile pulls onto her lips. “Okay, fine,” Mal says, take a few steps in and pulling her into a hug. “If you're happy, then I’m happy.”

“Thank you,” Regina murmurs as Mal pulls back.

“Okay, so I want you to tell me everything, Mal says, her smile brightening as she takes Regina by the hand. “Don’t leave anything out!”

#oq ff #outlaw queen #advent 2018

[master-sass-blast]

Strong as Stone- Part Twenty-One

INSTANT GRATIFICATION!!!

It’s 4AM, I just edited this, and this whole update is NOTHING BUT FLUFF!!!

*cackles* Let’s do this!

Last time, we saw the initial celebration of Okoye’s and M’Baku’s one year anniversary. This time, we get to see the major points from their two week vacation together --and we cover a BIG TOPIC.

Ssshhhh, spoilers.

Rating: T for mild language and suggestive humor. I said it was fluff, and I DELIVERED.

Warnings: Nothing. Pure fluff. Enjoy!

Pairings: Okoye x M’Baku and Shuri x OC.

@the-last-hair-bender @skysynclair19

As Dora Milaje, you must live in the moment. Yes, there will be planning and schedules and future assignments, but you must stay grounded in the moment. Your duty is to serve the King, and you can’t serve your King if your head is five years into the future.

But don’t hesitate to dream, my loves. Your lives will not always revolve around the service to the King, and it’s only right for you to have an existence outside of your role as a Dora.

Have dreams, my dears. And, when they manifest in the real world, hold onto them.

The morning sun washed over her, warming her despite the coolness of the mountain air. She moved through her stretches and warm ups with the fluid ease of a master, enjoying the meditative calm that came with practicing her craft.

She’d found a decent sized courtyard tucked on one of the sides of the lodge. It didn’t see much use, which meant she could practice with her spear without drawing too many looks from the guards and servants that worked in the lodge.

It wasn’t that they were judgmental or discriminatory. She’d met nearly all of the staff at the lodge and knew M’Baku’s guards by name. They accepted her, accepted her relationship with their Chief, and treated her with respect and courtesy --regardless of whether M’Baku was present or not.

Still, it was nice to practice without garnering the occasional shocked side-eye from one of the attendants --to say nothing of it being safer to practice somewhere out of the way. The Jabari wood spears and staffs could go toe to toe with vibranium weapons, but Okoye seriously doubted that the leather armor favored by the Jabari would fare the same.

She finished a set of particularly difficult aerial kicks --and whirled around when she heard someone clapping.

M’Baku was leaning against one of the walls, watching her with borderline hungry look in his eyes. “Very impressive, my love.”

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Did you expect anything less?”

“Never.”

She smiled. “Did you have a purpose for coming out here, or are you just here to watch me?”

He shrugged. “I thought you might want a sparring partner.”

She’d thought about it before, but never went through with the idea simply because M’Baku was usually busy with his own training while she did hers. It just hadn’t worked before, logistically.

But now he was here. And specifically asking for it.

She couldn’t resist goading him, just a little. She smirked, looked him up and down, then shrugged. “I suppose I can come down to your level for today.”

Stubbornness --and no small amount of arousal--flashed in his eyes. “Oh, really? That’s how it is?”

“That’s how it is.”

He lurched to his feet and strode towards her. “Do you worst, ‘koye.”

“Ow.”

“I warned you.”

“I thought you were being facetious.”

“You told me to do my worst!”

M’Baku chuckled as he tipped his head back to rest against her stomach. He was sprawled out on his bed, resting against her as she massaged aches out of his neck and shoulders. “Remind me to never underestimate you again. Ever. You kicked my ass.”

She couldn’t help her satisfied smile. “I’m the General of the Dora Milaje for a reason. And you weren’t complaining earlier.”

“I was distracted.”

She snorted. “So I noticed. Do you like having your ass kicked?”

“Only by you. Though I probably won’t spar with you for the entire time you’re up here. I won’t be able to walk by the time you leave.”

Ayo’s going to love hearing about this, Okoye thought as she worked her thumbs into the muscles of his shoulders. “So. What other plans do you have for us while I’m up here?”

“Not too much. I wanted to just... enjoy the time together casually. Without worrying about a list of things to do. Plus, Shuri’s coming back up in a week to visit Dewani, and I kind of need to be here to supervise them. But Dewani’s taking Shuri to one of the farming installations, and I thought you’d like to see it.”

“That sounds nicel. Anything else?”

“I do have something planned for your last night here --and it’s not another party, so don’t freak out--but I’d like to keep it a secret past that. I want to surprise you.”

“I think I can live with that,” Okoye said.

“Good.” He tilted his head back so he could see her face and smiled. “I’m glad you’re here, ‘koye. I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” she whispered before leaning down to kiss him.

She was sitting in the library, reading one of the books from a mystery series she’d discovered on her second real trip to the Jabari lands, when Dewani plopped down next to her.

The broadly built --and surprisingly tall, Dewani had grown again in the past couple weeks--teen dropped down next to her on the couch in front of the fireplace and flashed a friendly grin at her. “Hey.”

“Hey yourself. How are you?”

“Doing good.” Dewani waggled her eyebrows. “My calendar tells me you have a birthday coming up soon.”

“Your calendar would be correct.”

Dewani grinned. “How am I doing with being subtle?”

Okoye grinned back. “You’re the epitome of stealth. I couldn’t even tell what you were asking about.”

“Excellent. My plan is a success. So... what should I get you?”

Okoye shrugged and tapped her fingers on the covers of the book she was reading. “I like this series, but we don’t have it in the valley yet.”

“Good to know. By the way, if you end getting the set from me, it’s definitely not because I asked you about it.”

Okoye chuckled and winked at her. “I understand.”

Dewani tipped her head to lay it on Okoye’s shoulder. “So. You and my brother have been together for a year. How do you feel about that?”

“It’s nice. I’m happy with him.”

“I don’t mean to sound rude, but I’m kind of surprised. No one else he tried to date lasted this long... They usually got tired of me being around after a couple months.”

Okoye slung her arm around Dewani’s shoulders --which wasn’t as easy as it used to be; the girl was probably going to be M’Baku’s size by the time she stopped growing. “You two are a package deal. Not everyone can handle that.”

“But you can?”

She smiled. “You’re not a burden, Dewani. Besides, I understand having responsibilities that have to come before a romantic partner.” For Bast’s sake, she understood that all too well; she’d held the man she thought she’d marry one day at spear point a little over a year ago and told him she’d kill him for Wakanda’s sake. “It doesn’t mean you love the person you’re with any less. It just means that, for the time being, you have to prioritize things differently.”

“And you don’t mind me? As a person?”

“Not at all. I think you’re cool.”

Dewani beamed. “Thanks. I think you’re cool, too.” She was quiet for a moment, kicking her legs back and forth, then asked, “Are you going to marry my brother?”

I’d like to. Someday. “I dont know. That’s something he and I have to talk about. I know he can’t marry until you’re eighteen, so if we do, it won’t be any time soon.”

“Okay. Just so you know --if you want to marry my brother--I’m cool with it. Not that you have to, but... I just... I approve. Of you. And him. Together.”

Okoye smiled and hugged the teen. “Thank you, Dewani. That means a great deal to me.”

“What do you think of Dewani and Shuri as a couple?”

Okoye stopped watching Dewani pace back and forth while she waited for Shuri to look up at M’Baku. They were out of earshot, and she was sure that was the only reason he’d asked the question while Dewani was around. “They’re cute together. They make each other happy. Why?”

M’Baku’s brow furrowed as he watched his sister. “Dewani wants to marry her. I know my sister. I know she’s serious. Do you think the Princess would accept?”

Okoye blinked. “I can’t see the future. But I don’t doubt the Princess’s love for your sister.”

“It wouldn’t be an easy match, the sister of the Jabari Chief and the Wakandan Princess --who also happens to be the head of the Wakandan Society of Scientific Research and Development.”

“They have time to figure things out. A lot can happen in a few years. Besides, why are you so worried about this? The Princess isn’t the kind to just skip out on her partner; you know that.”

“I know, I know.” M’Baku crossed his arms over his chest and ducked his head. “I just don’t want Dewani to get hurt.”

Okoye smiled softly and rubbed her hand up and down his back. “Sometimes that’s life. Hurt can be an important teacher.”

“Yes, but she’s been hurt enough. I don’t want to see her hurt more.”

“You can’t protect her from everything.”

He sighed. “I know. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to, though.”

Their conversation was abruptly cut off when Dewani let out an excited shriek. The seventeen-year-old burst out the main doors of the lodge and into the courtyard at a dead sprint, straight to her girlfriend.

Okoye smiled and nudged M’Baku’s side as Dewani and Shuri caught each other in enormous hugs, laughing and beaming. “I think your sister’s going to be okay. They’re both going to be okay.”

M’Baku grinned and hugged Okoye against his side. “You might be on to something.”

“It really wouldn’t be that difficult to install a discreet transport system up here. There’s more than enough space.”

“Ah, but then your legs would miss the exercise of walking. Your lungs would miss the fresh air.”

“I get plenty of fresh air, thank you.”

Okoye smirked as she watched Shuri and Dewani banter back and forth as they walked in front of her and M’Baku. 

The Princess had arrived for all of five minutes before she’d started bombarding her girlfriend with questions about the farming installations in the mountains; after realizing that Shuri was too excited to come up for air, M’Baku had suggested they go check out one of the installations before the sun got any lower in the sky. It wasn’t time for harvest yet, so there wouldn’t be any ceremonies to witness, but she’d be able to get a good look at the infrastructure they used.

Shuri had practically sprinted out of the lodge, dragging Dewani with her.

They were walking on one of the winding paths through the mountains. It was tolerably warm, thanks to the sun beating down on them, and the lush green valleys and clear blue skies were an excellent contrast to the dark grays and browns of the stony mountain faces.

“It’s beautiful up here,” Okoye said as she gripped onto M’Baku’s hand. She still wasn’t used to walking this high up, and even though it was pleasant, the strong breeze buffeting them was a little disconcerting. “Nothing like Birnin Zana.”

“Different kinds of beauty.” When she feigned shock, he chuckled. “I can acknowledge that your city has its own beauty. It’s just not the beauty I prefer.”

“How do you navigate your settlements without a more robust transport system?” Shuri asked, twisting back slightly so she could see M’Baku. “Isn’t getting around during the winter impossible?”

“Most of settlements and villages are further down the mountains or in the cavern systems. Anything this high up is usually reserved for agriculture or other seasonal purposes. We use the river in the winter to avoid trudging through the snow. Other than that, we walk.”

“Yes, but what about the elderly? Or the disabled? It can’t be easy for them to move around with your current system.”

“The Jabari are strong,” M’Baku said. “Both in physicality and community. Each village rallies around those who need help; no one’s needs go unmet up here. The priestesses and holy women care for those whose needs surpass what the village can handle.”

“What about emergencies?” Shuri asked.

“You can reach almost anywhere in the Jabari lands through the tunnel systems. They’re out of the worst of the weather, and connect to nearly all of the villages. We use our surroundings to our advantage, find ways to make what Hanuman has given us work to our benefit without spoiling his creation.”

“You really do manage up here.”

M’Baku raised an eyebrow at Shuri. “Did you think we wouldn’t?”

“So little of the world does. I’ve been to dozens of nations that would claim to be more advanced than the Jabari, and they can barely provide for a majority of their people.”

M’Baku shrugged. “Most of the world is led by idiots.”

“True. Also,” Dewani added with a grin. “We’re here.”

Shuri turned around, gasped, and darted forward.

A large metal platform that was easily the same footprint as the royal palace sat between the two mountains, supported by several metal beams and some of the root-steel cable hybrids. The platform was covered in rich, black dirt and billions of thin green stalks. Further down the range were more platforms, covered in more swaths of green and black.

Okoye stopped in her tracks and let out a low whistle. “Wow.”

“We have our mass growing pods all over the barren parts of the range, since there’s no risk of disturbing any natural flora,” M’Baku said. “These are our wheat pods.”

“Pods?” Shuri eyed him sharply. “Did you say pods?”

Dewani nodded. “When the weather’s bad --or during the planting season, when temperatures run lower--protective metal domes are released from the base and cover the platforms. The interior of the protective shells produce artificial sunlight and diurnal-nocturnal cycles to promote growth.”

“Really?” Shuri crouched on her knees to try and see the underside of the platform. “That’s incredible! How do you handle irrigation? Do you let the elements do it, or do you have an artificial system?”

“We usually let the elements handle things, some of the supports also function as water pipes,” M’Baku said. “They connect to natural springs inside the mountain. What isn’t absorbed drains into the river below.”

“Amazing.” Shuri smiled, awestruck. “This is incredible. Almost everything comes out of and goes back into the environment.”

“Isn’t it the same in the rest of Wakanda?” Dewani asked.

“Well, yes, but I’ve never seen it done to this scale before, done this well.” She stood, brushing dirt off the knees of her jeans. “Would it be possible for me to take some blueprint copies back home with me? I’d like to see if we could upgrade Wakanda’s system a little.”

Okoye could practically see the pride radiating off M’Baku at having a Jabari-made design referred to as an upgrade. She watched him with a small smile as he agreed and squeezed his hand as they started back towards the Great Lodge. “You seem pleased.”

M’Baku smiled, smugger than the cat that got the canary. “After years of being referred to as savages, it’s... satisfying to witness our creations be referred to as improvements on a modern design.”

Okoye raised an eyebrow. “The pods aren’t modern?”

“Well, we’ve upgraded them over the years to yield more crops and fair better against the weather, but no. These are the same designs that our ancestors used to grow en mass.”

“I’m impressed. I would’ve thought that design was rolled out only a few years ago.”

M’Baku shook his head. “We don’t fix what isn’t broken.”

Okoye smirked. “Do you have to fix your bed quite regularly, then?”

Dewani shot Okoye a scandalized look as M’Baku laughed. “Gross! He’s my brother! I don’t want to know anything about that!”

Okoye simply chuckled and tipped her head against M’Baku’s shoulder as they hiked back to the lodge.

The last week of her stay passed all too fast for Okoye’s liking. Even though the days were slow, soothed into a lull as she and M’Baku simply enjoyed their time together, her precious few hours with her partner kept slipping through her fingers like grains of sand.

She felt a sense of melancholy wash over her as she got ready for her surprise date with M’Baku --Dewani had tipped her off that she’d be walking, so she opted for a nice, light pink blouse and jeans paired with flat shoes instead of heels. She enjoyed spending time with him, and --while she was less vocal about it--she didn’t like that most of their time together was relegated to an evening or two here and there, whenever their paths happened to cross.

Unfortunately, as she’d told both M’Baku and herself countless times before, there wasn’t an easy solution. They’d talked about spending a weekend or two together regularly, but even that was difficult given the unpredictability of her job and the sheer distance between Birnin Zana and the Jabari lands. She’d joked about how it’d be easier to see each other if the Jabari territory joined the national transport circuit, but it was becoming less of a joke and more of reality; without fast, straightforward transport, there wasn’t an easy way to reach him. The mountains created harsh currents of wind that made flying risky, even with Shuri’s advanced technology helping guide and operate each craft.

Maybe that would change, though. If she and M’Baku got more serious --if they decided they wanted to get married at some point--she’d have to spend more time with him to learn about Jabari culture and traditions.

Sometimes, necessity lends you a hand when you least expect it, Okoye thought as she finished applying a deep purple lipstick to her full lips. She checked to make sure the application was even, then capped the cosmetic tube and placed it back in her makeup bag.

Logistics could wait for another day. Right now, she was going to enjoy her surprise date with M’Baku.

She dropped her makeup bag back into her travel bags --she was already packed so that she could spend every last minute with M’Baku tomorrow--just as M’Baku opened the door to his bedroom.

He grinned softly as he took in the sight of her. “You look wonderful, ‘koye.”

“Thank you. I take it you’re not going to tell me where we’re going yet?”

“No. I want it to be surprise.”

“Well, then--” She rolled onto the balls of her feet so she could kiss him softly “--lead the way, my love.”

It was a shorter walk than she had expected. M’Baku had led her into one of the tunnel passages --which were astonishingly well lit and nowhere as gloomy as she’d imagined--and from there it had only been a couple turns and short straight stretch and--

Okoye gasped. “M’Baku...”

They were standing on a medium-sized stretch of flat mountainside, surrounded by thick growths of flowers. A small stream trickled along side one of the walls of flowers before cascading down the face of the mountain. A thick blanket was spread across the ground, and dozens of little lights had been strung up in the bushes and vines yielding the flowers.

“...it’s beautiful,” she finished at last in a soft whisper. “This is so amazing.”

“I thought you might like it.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb, then frowned when he realized there were tears in her eyes. “Are you alright? Why are you crying?”

“I’m fine. I’m just really happy --and touched.” She beamed up at him before looping her arms around his neck and pulling herself up so she could kiss him. “I love you so much.”

M’Baku smiled into the kiss as he held her against his chest. “I love you, too. With all my heart.” He set her down carefully, then stepped to the side and picked up a basket. “I thought we’d have dinner out here.”

A picnic. He planned a romantic picnic for our anniversary. She nearly swooned as she sat down next to him. “This is so sweet of you.”

M’Baku leaned towards her and kissed her cheek. “It’s what you deserve, my love.”

The picnic dinner was perfect. They sat together and talked about anything and everything. The little mountainside oasis also provide a perfect view of the sunset, which they watched while they ate.

It was unbelievably romantic. Okoye couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so much like... well... a princess.

M’Baku managed to make her feel that way, though.

They were just sitting together now as they watched the sunset, dinner long since consumed. The sky was slowly fading into a midnight blue, and stars were starting twinkle above them.

Perfection. Undoubtedly.

“Did you enjoy tonight?” M’Baku murmured, lips brushing against her temple.

“Yes.” She angled her head up so she could kiss him. “This is amazing. Thank you.”

“Good. Because it’s not done yet.” He reached into the basket and withdrew a sleek black box. “Happy Anniversary, my love.”

Okoye let out a soft gasp when she pulled leather bound book with beautiful embroidery on the front out of the book. “This is beautiful.”

“It’s a collection of short stories and myths from Jabari culture and history. I thought you’d like it.”

“I love it.” She kissed his cheek. “Thank you. I got you something as well.”

M’Baku opened the palm-sized box she gave him with a soft smile, then arched a curious eyebrow at her when he lifted out an intricately braided leather bracelet with vibranium beads attached to the straps.

“It’s customary to exchange bracelets like these after the first year of dating or courting in the Border tribe,” Okoye explained.

His expression softened, and the corners of his eyes crinkled as his smile broadened. “I love it. Which wrist does it go on?”

“Here.” She tied it around his right wrist, then clambered into his lap and kissed him. “I love you.”

“And I, you.” M’Baku splayed his hands against her back, gently holding her in place. “Are you happy? With me?”

“Unbelievably so.” She traced her finger up and down the length of his shoulder. “Are you happy with me?”

“Beyond what words can describe. Where do you want ‘us’ to go, ‘koye?”

“I’ve been thinking about that, actually. How... how do you feel about marriage?”

M’Baku’s eyebrows shot up. He grinned. “Really?”

“I mean, I’d like to retire first; I feel like the location demands of my job aren’t exactly compatible with being the Chief’s wife, but... yes. Really.”

He kissed her, excited and passionate. “I hope you know that I consider myself the luckiest man on Earth.”

“I consider you the luckiest man on Earth, too.”

M’Baku tipped his head back and laughed joyously. “So, ‘koye. Marriage. You’re serious?”

She nodded, smiling softly. “Yes. I am.”

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.”

“And you’re okay with... me wanting to wait until I step down from being General?”

“Of course. Just say when.”

Okoye grinned, heart pounding, and leaned in to kiss him again.

#sass writes #black panther fanfiction #okoye x m'baku #shuri x oc #fluff fluff fluff #it's so fluffy i'm gonna die #literally just fluff #that's it #enjoy the cavities #wakanda forever

[fanfiction-for-me]

James’ Girlfriend

The motherfucking paparazzi left after five days. Five days. Five days without being able to see James or talk to him because I couldn't speak or sing for the next two weeks. Do you know how boring it is to be sitting on your supermansion without being able to chat or see your potential boyfriend? Well, maybe I'm exaggerating, our humble house did had some things that kept us pretty entertained, but still- I'm in love and I can only think about James! We texted, but it wasn't the same; I needed to listen to his voice (and hearing his albums only made me more nostalgic).

That Friday was a really peaceful day though. Lila went with Davie to get his stitches off and Sass and I stayed home video chatting with My Chemical Romance and 30 Seconds to Mars, but of course, Sass was doing all the speaking.

"Hello?" Sass tried when the MCR guys appeared on the screen.

"Hey, what's up Sass? Hi there Michelle" they greeted, and I saluted them weakly.

"What is wrong with your friend?" Frank asked Sass.

"She rasped one of her vocal strings screaming"

"Ooh, that hurts. Happened to me once. Drink some hot lavender tea; it will help you heal faster. It hurts like a bitch at the beginning but after a few mugs you will feel better, I promise" Gerard advised me. I gave him the thumbs up and immediately went down to the kitchen to make some tea. Sass stayed in her room talking with the guys.

I took my phone out of my pocket only to see I had a new message. It was James.

"Hey love, how r u feelin? I rly dont want to do this, but I have bad news for u :/."

I sighed and typed. What could it be? "Feelin the same :S what is it?"

My phone buzzed. "Production just told us we'll be shootin the first half of season 3 this week. That means I will probably wont see u until the next week "

"Damn, that's a lot of work :S I'll be fine Jamesy; just bored, but we will see each other someday, right?"

"Yeah, I'll make it up to you ;)"

That sounds interesting. "Make it up to me? How? ;)"

"I can't tell you now because I still don't know, but you'll see ;) g2g now, love you Chelley"

"Bye, luv u too "

I sighed heavily. One more week? God, give me strength. At least James was going to probably take me on my first date with him after it is over.

I heard Sass calling me from upstairs then. "Chellita! 30 Seconds to Mars want to speak with you!"

I ran up the stair as fast as I could run with a cup of hot tea on my hand. Sure, I wasn't going to be able to talk, but I could at least see them. I got to Sass' room and Jared, Shannon and Tomo were already on the camera. I smiled at them and waved hi. Seeing them always cheers me up.

"I heard the baby screwed her throat" Jared started.

"Yeah, and in a very stupid way -.-" I typed on the type box. "Gerard prescribed me some tea."

"That works" Jared agreed.

"So, how are you guys?"

"We're perfectly fine, thank you. About to start touring the UK in a week" Tomo said.

"How about you?" Shannon interrupted, "How's your boyfriend?" he questioned. Of course he had to ask.

I rolled my eyes. "He is not my boyfriend :P"

"Oh really, because we saw you dance with him that night and it was a pretty good show you put on" Shannon smirked.

"You saw? :$"

"Yeah, and no friends do that!" Tomo cackled.

":$ :$ :$ :$ :$"

Jared looked at me apologetically. "Guys... Let's not bother her because then she won't want to tell us how pretty boy asked her out" and he winked.

I smiled at him for that. Afterwards they finally let go the topic of James and we conversed about other things until Lila and Davie came back from the hospital a couple of hours after.

That weekend went kind of slow. We had nothing to do and we were still stuck in our house even if the paparazzi had already left. Everyone on the house was doing their thing. We sometimes talked with Davie's cousin Natalie, but I still think she is weird. Lila has told me she definitely doesn't like her that much; she thinks that Natalie wants to steal Kendall from her or something like that, I don't know. All I know is I can't wait to hear how James is going to make it up to me.

Next week started with another boring Monday. I got ahead on some new sketches for my stage outfits and went to bed super early. Tuesday was okay, Davie and I baked an apple cheesecake from scratch and it turned out pretty good, we even made up a song as we cooked. I didn't sleep that night because I had already slept a lot the night before, so I never really woke up Wednesday, which was the laziest day of my life probably. I spent the whole day in my pajamas, eating cheesecake and drinking tea on the bed while watching the whole two seasons of Big Time Rush, plus Big Time Movie. I think I fell asleep around 6 am, only to be awakened by a text at 7 pm (and yes, I did overslept).

It was James. He had been too busy the past five days, so much that one day he didn't text me at all. I never texted him first that week (even though I was dying to do so), only because I didn't knew if I would be disturbing his work, and I really didn't wanted to seem like the needy type before we even dated.

I tiredly opened my phone and read. "How's it going Chelley? IMU loads! But guess what? I'm taking u out tomorrow to make up for torturing u haha... It's a very special date though; I'll give you a clue: I'll be wearing a tux. I trust u know what to do ;) Xoxo, JM"

Oh my heavens! James is going to take me on a fancy dinner with him tomorrow and I am so fucked because I slept way too much! I'll probably won't sleep today either and look horrible tomorrow! But wait, he invited me to a fancy dinner... That is so romantic! Oh no, I'm not good with romantic. I don't know what to do; I'm excited and terrified at the same time! This is my first formal date ever and I really love this guy with all of my heart, so I don't want to screw it up being sleepy or not romantic enough. I definitely need some help, or advice.

Just as I was sitting with my legs crossed on the middle of my bed, thoughts lost in panic, the door of my room opened.

"Knock knock Sleeping Beauty... You up?"

"Mhm... Davie? Come here please" I tried to speak up, but I barely whispered loudly. The sudden nerves plus the grogginess were affecting my voice, which was recovering thanks to the  tea that Gerard advised me to drink. I could talk already, but I wasn't that improved to sing like I normally do when I'm healthy.

"I know it's like, nighttime, but...! I brought you some brekkie!" Davie sing-songed as he moved near the bed "... Are you okay?" he asked quietly as he placed the tray on my lap, probably because he saw my worried face.

I nodded. "Tell me that you love me, please"

"What? What is wrong with you? Are you catching some fever or something?"

I slapped Davie's inspecting hands off my face; I wasn't sick, just pissed at myself that I'm frozen nervous about a date with James. I've known him for almost seven months now; I shouldn't be reacting like this! "Just tell me!" I insisted, my voice breaking.

"Okay, but don't hurt yourself, God... and you probably already know this, but: I love you. There" Davie spoke dryly.

"Davie... Say it like you mean it"

His eyes were questioning, but he looked at me with a serious expression and murmured sweetly "I love you".

I blinked for two seconds and then I looked into his eyes "I love you too". After that I put my tray aside and cuddled on Davie.

"Oookaaay... That was weird-" I shushed him. Davie just patted my hair and wrapped his long arms around me.

I was trying to see how I would react just in case James told me that sort of thing tomorrow. Sure, Davie was a friend and I have no romantic feelings towards him, but I tried to visualize James. For some reason, being able to answer Davie made me calm, even though I knew it wasn't going to be the same if James did it.

I pushed Davie aside to eat my food- I was starving. He left with the plates after I finished my meal and thankfully he didn't question the reason why I had asked him to do that. He must've thought I was still half asleep or something. With that, I went back to bed because, surprisingly, I felt drained (of sleeping too much?) and in two hours or so, I fell asleep again.

My cell phone buzzed and lit up my dark room. I picked it up to see what time was it and almost gasped out loud. 1:00 pm? How come I'm sleeping so much? Am I turning into a bat? Well, I have no time to deal with that right now; I had to get ready for my date with James, which was in four hours or so.

I saw none of my bandmates on my way out of the house, so I guess they had all left with Sass to get her cast off. I grabbed my car keys and drove to the beauty salon. I got my legs waxed; my hair washed and blow dried, my face exfoliated, plus a manicure and a pedicure. After the salon I took off to my favorite dress boutique to find a perfect outfit for my date. An hour and a half of trying on over twenty dresses later, I found the perfect one. It was a sexy red with black lace, fitted on the top and loose from my hips down. The best part was I already had matching shoes home. Now I just had to get there because I had only less than an hour left to get ready. Note to self: get several assistants ASAP.

When I got home, I assumed the guys had arrived because Davie's car was parked on the garage, but I didn't saw them on the way up to my room; I don't care really, I am in a rush to get ready.

Thirty minutes later, I was ready just in time. I stared at myself on my huge closet mirror. I looked totally gorgeous! I really hope James likes it and doesn't think I exaggerated because I was feeling like I overdid myself a little. It was worth it though, because I sure looked striking.

A minute later, the doorbell rang and Lila screamed up to me (she must've opened). My stomach filled up with butterflies and I took a deep breath to calm myself up; with that, I went down the royal staircase only to see James standing there. He was wearing a tux just as he said he would, looking dashing and sexy with it, and was carrying a small bouquet of bright red roses on his hands.

James took a long breath as he assessed me with sparkling eyes "You are so- wow- stunning..."

"You too Jamesy" I smiled shyly at him and went over to hug him. He then kissed my cheek and gave me the bouquet, smiling brightly. God... He was too perfect, ugh!

My moment got interrupted by a slight cough. "Long time no see" Lila said, looking a little taken aback at James and I. I had forgotten I hadn't told anyone, and I didn't notice Lila standing there the whole time.

"Oh, yeah, hi... Sup?"

"What's up with me? What's up with you! You know what? Explain later because if Davie sees you guys likes this he'll probably freak out and we don't want anyone throwing punches again, right?" Lila chuckled as she looked at James. He put his hands up defensively.

"Okay, okay, bye Delilah" said James, and then he offered me his arm "Shall we go, my dear?"

"Of course" I answered as I put my arm over his. We walked to his car and James started the engine. He had been driving for five minutes when I started to really grasp what was happening "So..." I started "where are you taking me?"

"It's a secret, because I'm kidnapping you. No one will ever see you again... only me" James threatened with a playful naughty smile.

"That doesn't sound that bad actually; but seriously, where are we going?" I was curious. We were driving to the direction of the beach, and with the shoes I was wearing I don't think I'd be able to walk over sand.

"You'll see. Just relax... and listen to Big Time Rush" he turned on his car stereo and Boyfriend started playing. How convenient. "Common, join me" James said.

"I can't, as much as I want to, my throat is fucked, remember?" what a bummer.

"Damn, you're right. Guess I'll have to serenade you then" James started singing, his loud smooth voice filling the small space of the car. I was getting pretty comfortable, lulling myself with the sound of James' voice (was I seriously getting sleepy again?), when I heard the engine cut off. We had arrived to wherever James was going to keep me hostage.

I got out of the car and when I saw what was in front of me my mouth almost fell slack. Day had suddenly turned into afternoon, and in front of me I had a flaming pink and orange sunset, with tints of purple and deep blue higher up in the sky. James -still silent- took my hand and led me into a pier-looking structure, built probably a few meters into the sea. It was decorated with lots of white candles on the floor, and right at the center there was a table for two.

I sat down on the very fancy chair, facing James, but I could only see the beauty of the scene around us. "Whoa" I finally gasped.

"I know right? It's pretty breathtaking. But I'd rather look at you". I turned my head to look at James, snapping back into reality.

"Oh really? Why?" like I didn't knew...

"You know why; you look amazing"

"Thanks, you look really good as well" I smiled and sipped a little out of the wine that was served. How did James set this all up? I bet the other guys helped him or something because it looked a detailed, especially the candles; there were probably more than 200 candles.

"Lila looked surprised to see me when she opened the door" James spoke up.

"Oh, that. I kind of hadn't seen her or the rest of the guys in two days"

James' eyes widened a little "What? That's what happens when your house is that big!" he laughed.

"Other than the fact that I stayed in my room those two days" I explained.

"Why?"

"I don't know; Wednesday I watched BTR all day long, fell asleep and then woke up at seven PM next day!"

James snickered "Were you trying to be Sleeping Beauty?" I shrugged. "What about the food though? Did you just stay there in a hibernation state?"

"No, I had some tea and cheesecake the day before, and then the next day Davie cooked me some breakfast" I made air quotes around the last word and sipped from my cup again. I'm no wine drinker, but this one was pretty good.

James looked at me pensively "Davie cooks?"

"Really good" It was true. I don't know how but that boy was better than us three girls combined in the kitchen!

"Interesting" James responded, and drank half of his wine in two chugs. A random guy appeared out of nowhere then, with two trays of food. That's when I realized I was hungry; I hadn't eaten something since Davie came in my room yesterday night.

"Fancy much?" I asked James with a smirk. He smirked back.

"I told you it was going to be formal"

I ate a mouthful of the Alfredo sauced fettuccines before speaking again "James, do you dislike Davie?"

He stared at me through narrowed eyes, and for a moment I regretted bringing up the topic; I don't know why did I even asked him that. After a long pause he answered "Of course not Chelle; why would you ask that?"

"Because you kind of punched him."

"Well, he messed with my hair; you know that my hair is a sensitive spot for me!" I rolled my eyes and laughed. It was ridiculous because hair doesn't even have nervous terminations... "Also, I think I'm jealous of him"

Okay, what? "Jealous? How come? You do know he is the one that's jealous."

"Yeah, but if you think about it well, he spends most of his time with you. And the other girls, of course."

"You're right... But we will work it out somehow."

"We will" James brought his cup up and clanked it with mine. We ate and chat between bites, letting off the awkward topics such as Davie forgotten, cherishing the beautiful moment we had for us both alone, at the beach, having a great meal under the night sky.

James and I went to stand by the corner of the small pier after we finished eating, his head over my shoulder and arms around my waist. He quietly hummed Boyfriend, rocking softly as he shifted to the rhythm of his hums.

"We might as well dance" I suggested with a light smile, still looking at the numerous bright stars.

"You wouldn't think I forgot the music..." James moved over to another corner and held up a CD case. "Exclusive BTR acoustic performances" he winked. "And the first one" James closed the lid of the small stereo with a click, "is our song".

Boyfriend started playing for the second time that evening, only this time, it was acoustic.

"That's a really good version of that-"

"Shhh.." James pressed his finger softly against my lips. "Come here"

He pulled my arm and held me close to him. His hands were cold and I could practically feel his heartbeat. Must be nervous; the poor thing, but that made me feel better in some way; knowing that I wasn't the only one.

This time we danced without speaking a word (or kissing). James and I looked at each other boldly, saying more words with our eyes than we could say with our voices. I love him, I realized. Love him a lot. There was another part that was going so this is what it feels like..., but most of my brain and body was just overwhelmed with happiness, because even though he hadn't said anything, I knew he loved me too; it was written all over his eyes.

We were so caught up in our "dancing", that we didn't realize the CD had started repeating, and it had reached the third song.

I think we noticed at the same time.

"Are you gonna-" "Just let me go and-" we stared at each other and laughed as we tried to talk at the same time. "I'll go get that"

James took his hands off my hips and moved towards the direction of the CD player, only that he was still standing in front of me. "What's wrong?" I asked him.

He looked up at me with an anxious expression "I think I'm stuck".

I looked down and saw the front of his pants was stuck in the lace of my dress, in a pretty awkward way, if I'm allowed to say so. "Okay James, don't move, I'll get us untangled". I started to fumble with my dress and his jammed zipper, but it wouldn't give in, in fact, I was just making James more uncomfortable. He was starting to squirm and that made it even more difficult and even worse when his phone buzzed once. He tried to move to get to it, but lost his balance by pulling me in a little too rough.

"Shit!" James cussed as he hit the ground with the back of his head, me falling on top of him instantly, cus we were still glued together.

"Oh lord, are you okay? That sounded like it hurt!"

"Don't worry I'm... fine" He looked up at me, just inches away from his face. There was no space between us, my own chest rose and lowered to the rhythm of his breaths.

"... James-" I was at a loss for words. He was so gorgeous on the candle light; on any light.

James kept staring at me mesmerized, his facial features gentle and passionate; with just a whisper, he melted my heart. "Be my girlfriend Michelle... Please."

Sweet baby Jesus, is this happening? Oh god, where's my voice so I can tell him yes? Heck, I wasn't going to be able to speak, so I might as well demonstrate him that I want to be his girl. I grabbed James by the sides of his face and kissed him hard. Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course I'll be your girlfriend!

When I pulled off to see his reaction, James lay with his hair blown back from his face, expression shocked with his mouth hanging open in awe, looking like he was about to drool. I giggled at his face; his cheeks were even redder than before, he looked so adorable.

"Is that a yes?" James muttered, just an inch from my mouth. I nodded enthusiastically; he grinned brightly and without any warning, crashed my lips against his again.

So, there I was: lying on top of James on the floor making out with him. Wearing a new dress, which was stuck on his pant's zipper, and probably ruined? Yeah, I pretty much didn't care. Breathing was getting harder by the second too, but I wanted to kiss him forever. He held me tight, brushing my back with his hands now and so, and I knotted my fingers gently round his soft hair. It was heaven. I was making out romantically with the sweetest most handsome man ever, and he was mine.

I don't know how much time did we lay there, just kissing, but the sound of footsteps made us stop. I looked up to see it was the waiter that has brought us the food, removing the empty plates and wine cups. "I-I-I'm sorry; I'm just cleaning up" the guy muttered nervously, as James and I both stared from the floor. "Excuse me, Mr. Maslow" he uttered quietly and started to go.

"No, wait! Would you mind helping us? My zipper is stuck in her dress and we can't move apart without ruining it"

"S-sure sir" the guy moved quickly but awkwardly between us. Poor him. Poor James and I. It was embarrassing not knowing how to explain to ourselves how the hell did his zipper got stuck in my dress, but in a way, I thank that zipper.

At the end of the night, we saved my dress and James' zipper, and soon it was time to get home. I had been too stuck in spending a nice time with my new boyfriend, that I couldn't believe it when James' clock read midnight.

"Jamie, take me home please?"

"Aw, don't tell me you've still got curfews... another drink?" James offered, already pouring more champagne into my glass.

"No, thanks, I think I've had enough of those tonight. If I didn't know better I'd think you want to get me drunk" I laughed. "Just take me home, please, before Davie acknowledges my un-presence. The girls can't keep him distracted that long"

I could tell that bothered him "Fine... Whatever you want, love" James said gallantly. I loved it when he called me sweet things.

The ride home was short because there was no traffic, so we got home in no time. I opened the door and the lights were on, but there was no one in sight.

"Want to come in for a while?" I asked James with a smirk. He just looked at me with pursed lips and in a rush he picked me up and carried me. I giggled in surprise, but then panicked when he started to run up the stairs.

"James! Stop! We're gonna fall again!" I warned between laughs. He soon stopped and landed me carefully on my heels, taking my hands on his and kissing me again, only this time we weren't thrown on the floor, but standing at the top of the royal staircase. I was pressed tight against him, wrapping my arms around his neck. For some reason, I knew kissing James would be a problem, because once we started, it was hard to stop; it just got better by the minute.

"Stop!"

Ah, Davie! We stopped but James still had his arm wrapped around my shoulder. Lila and Sass were standing behind Davie, who was practically blowing sparks from his hair. Damn.

"Davie... chill and-"

"Yeah, I'm her boyfriend now!" James said cockily.

"James!" Lila, Sass and I yelled at him in dread.

Almost simultaneously, Davie did a double take. "What?"

I stared at James with crossed arms. He shrugged and offered a lame "oops?"

"Run." I told him, Davie was already going up the stairs two at a time and I didn't want a beaten-up boyfriend. Sass and Lila ran behind him, probably to stop him; he tends to exaggerate a lot.

James and I got to the second floor; we were running across the hall, searching for a place to hide. I looked ahead and found it: my room. I was the only one that had the access to that place.

"Here!" I pulled James inside and locked the door. Phew, finally safe.

"Damn, he sure looked pissed" James breathed. We were standing against the door, as if we could hold it up in case Davie tried to break through it.

"Yeah... You shouldn't have said you are my boyfriend."

"Then when were you planning on telling him?"

"I don't know; when it got more obvious?" I shrugged

James rolled his eyes. "It couldn't have been more obvious, don't you think?"

I pursed my lips. "You're right. We screwed it." James laughed softly, moving to face me. He placed both his hands against the door, keeping me trapped between his arms.

"I believe we were not done yet..." James whispered in my ear. He started pecking my jaw lightly, traveling to my cheeks and finally to my lips. I stood paralyzed, surprised at how different this kiss was from the others. It was deeper; I could taste the champagne we had drank on his mouth. I leaned back on the door, and James moved closer to me, his hands still trapping me. They were so amazing, his lips. I know nothing about kisses because James is the only guy I've ever kissed (believe it or not), but he sure was really good at it, it made you want to keep going forever, and believe me, I would've stayed there if the door hadn't opened.

"Ouch!" Together, we fell to the floor again, only this time James fell on top of me, and damn, he is pretty heavy! Also, I think I was bleeding.

I have no idea how the door opened, but there was a furious Davie and a very amused Lila staring down at us. "Get. Off. Her. NOW." Davie growled.

James carefully lifted himself, taking me up with him. He turned to apologize but gasped when he saw my face. "Oh my goodness, I'm so, so sorry! I didn't mean to!"

"Huh...?" I had no idea. The kiss left me a little dumb.

"Mate" Lila snickered, "your lip is bleeding!".

"BLEEDING?" God, I hate blood!

James looked at me with concerned eyes, regret all over his face. "I'm so sorry baby, I shouldn't have-"

"I know! I know James! Don't worry, I think I'll be fine" I tried to calm him down by acting relaxed, but truth is I feared I might puke anytime soon.

"You!" Davie pointed at me. I rolled my eyes. "Come with me if you don't want me to kill your boyfriend" he sneered. I sighed and moved over to Davie, but to my surprise, the lace of my dress was ripped off because part of it was stuck on James' zipper. Again.

Lila started laughing like crazy when she saw that and Davie's face grew redder. James was blushing just like me, trying to un-stuck the dress. Thankfully, it was easier to unlatch this time. I hurried and grabbed Davie from his shirt so that he couldn't kill James.

"Guess I have to go now" James spoke.

"Yes!" Davie yelled, but we ignored that.

"Tonight was amazing. See you some other time?" I tried to smile without getting blood in mouth.

James took my hand and kissed it "Yes. Goodbye love". He said goodbye to Lila and Davie (tried to, at least) and then left, still looking guilty for my split lip.

After I cleaned up my wound, I couldn't really care less about it, or even about my ripped up dress. James was my boyfriend. Mine! Just in my wild fangirl dreams I dreamt about it and now it was my reality. I must be the luckiest girl on the planet, I thought. I was member of the rock band of the moment, doing what I love to do the most which is singing, with Davie, Sass and Lila, whom I love. I met my idols and my celebrity crush, who turned out to have a crush on me too, and now he is my precious boyfriend.

I spent over one hour talking with Sass and Lila that night, telling them how imperfectly romantic James had asked me out. Finally I slumped over my bed and prepared myself to sleep, when my phone buzzed.

"I forgot to tell you something: I love you. I'm so glad you're my girlfriend, beautiful; JM"

I smiled to myself and texted him back. "I'm really glad too. I love you, my boyfriend; Chelle"

#my stories #name: Boyfriend #c3: James’ Girlfriend

[toycarousel]

Hello! I haven't asked you for advice in a long time but you always give the best wisdom tbh. But I have an issue.. My roommate and I have a weird kind of relationship. We were kind of like girlfriends without the label...but a big fight happened after she got a girlfriend and now things are just different. She says things that are hurtful and boasts about her sex life knowing it bothers me. We had plans to share an apartment next year but I don't want to anymore and dont know how to say it.

Thank you~! You’re so kind, Anon... my advice is not that of a professional’s, so if it feels like it doesn’t fit for you, you are under absolutely no obligation to follow it, or even listen to it.It’s absolutely fair for you to not want to share an apartment with her.  I understand why it’d be hard to say that to her, given your plans, and it seems like you would want to be close to her again, but... she’s not really giving you that option.  

It’s okay for her to have a girlfriend, though I believe it would have been kinder for her to tell you, ahead of time, what your relationship to her was interpreted by her -- like, there shouldn’t have been that grey area before she got a girlfriend.  She could have been clear (kindly so) that you and her were not dating, or girlfriends, and that she was seeking the company of other people for relationship purposes.

And the fact that she is rubbing this in your face is unkind and unnecessary. She doesn’t need to be mean to you in order to establish relationship boundaries, or be dedicated/loyal to her girlfriend.

It seems as though you definitely don’t want to share her company anymore, and I certainly don’t blame you.  You should not be forced to share a space with someone who causes you pain, and who you may (or may not -- I don’t want to put words in your mouth) feel betrayed by.  

I think you should be honest with her.  And if speaking to her about this in a public area makes you feel more comfortable (or a private area -- just depends on how safe you feel addressing this topic with her) then definitely go for it.  You can’t stay with someone who is causing you emotional distress, and you don’t owe her anything.  If she wants to get an apartment, she can always put up ads for specific roommates, and/or live with her girlfriend (depending on the situation).

But you have to be kind to yourself and let yourself have space from her, especially while she’s causing harm to you.  I’d say something specific like “I cannot be your roommate in a new apartment, because I feel as though you’re telling me things about your girlfriend, and your sex life, in order to hurt me, and I can’t live with that at this time in my life.  I respect that you have a girlfriend who you cherish, and I’m not asking you to choose one of us over the other, but I need to be kind to myself, and at this point in time, I don’t feel respected by you as a friend and a roommate.”

It won’t be an easy thing to say, if you decide to.  But it’s good to be honest, and even if she gets really mad at you, or says mean things, you’ll have given her something to think about (and you won’t need to put up with her harsh words).

I’d start looking for roommates and apartments on your own as soon as possible, so you have somewhere to go if things don’t work out.  I wish you didn’t have to feel this way at the hands of someone you really cared about.  I’m not sure what her motivation (besides the fight) was to continue treating you unkindly, but the fact is that it’s not emotionally safe for you to be around her indefinitely, or for a long period of time.  You need your own time to reconcile what’s happened, and to move forward with your life.  Maybe someday she’ll be in your life again, and you two can compromise and be close once more.  But for now, it’s just not a healthy dynamic, and it’s not something you can rely upon.

I wish you the absolute best, Anon~!!! Take good care of yourself.  You do deserve it, no matter how you’ve been made to feel.

#relationships #sex mention - #emotional abuse - #anonymous #scotchasks