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xxisxxisxxis · 4 years

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Gateway Drug | Part Fifty-Three

Words: 4.5K

Warning(s): explicit language, sexual situations, mentions of drug abuse

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I wake up to the smell of coffee drifting in under the bedroom door, and I stretch, seeing Nikki on his side of the bed, snoring softly.

Pulling the covers off of myself, I get up and throw on my robe to cover my naked body and step into the kitchen to see Karen at the counter.

Karen was Doc's best solution he could muster up to try to keep Nikki straight off drugs.

After calling Doc and Bob Timmons that night Nikki shot out our ceiling, Doc asked Karen, who worked at the Mötley office, to move in.

Hats off to her because she didn't argue, and Nikki did calm down a little when she was there because he was convinced she was a spy for Doc and was telling him what Nikki was doing at all times.

Nikki didnt want to hear shit from Doc, so he tried to hide his drug use from Karen when she was home.

"Good morning." She greets me, patiently waiting for the coffee to get done. "Sorry if I woke you up."

"No, no, it's fine, I needed to get up anyway, uh...what time is it?" I ask her, rubbing my eyes.

"About 9:00." She replies.

"Okay, I'm gonna wake him up and get ready and that reporter should be here around--"

I'm cut off by the doorbell and I look at her.

"You go wake him up, get him showered, I'll stall." She assures me, shooing me with her hand as she steps to open the door."

I rush to our bedroom and shut and lock the door, walking over to wake Nikki up.

"Babe, c'mon." I nudge at him several times until he's groaning a little. "Nikki, wake up."

"Just climb on and get off when you're finished. I'm sure it'll still get up without me being awake." He mumbles tiredly, about to drift back off before I'm hitting his arm sternly.

"Nikki, you need to wake up. That reporter came early. We need to get dressed."

"Jesus." He lets out, frustrated, and I rub my lips together. His hazel eyes open to look at me and he smirks. "You're actually talking to me today?"

I've been ignoring him for nearly a week now ever since he broke our ceiling and embarrassed me in front of our friends.

"I'm getting into character so he doesn't write that I'm not talking to you in the article. Doc said to be as lovey as possible." I add. "So hurry up."

I walk to our bathroom and start the shower, quickly discarding my clothes and climbing in as he trudges into the bathroom.

By the time I'm rinsing shampoo from my hair, he's getting in, his eyes wandering up and down my naked body that currently has soapy water running down it.

"Don't get any ideas, Sixx, I'm still mad at you."

"What kind of man do you think I am?" He puts a hand over his heart as if he's hurt and I roll my eyes, finishing rinsing my hair.

"Move." I say so I can put conditioner in my hair and he grins, about to switch places with me, and his hands hold at my body as we trade spots and I glare at him.

"What? I was helping you move." He innocently states, the slightest hint of a smirk on his lips, and I cut my eyes at him.

He just wets his hair as I get the tangles out of mine with conditioner and we change once more.

By the time he's rinsing his hair again and I'm lathering up in body wash, I feel his finger trace down my spine.

"Nikki." I say in warning and I hear his faint chuckling.

"Sorry." He mumbles, taking his fingers off of me.

When I'm done, about to tell him I need to get under the water, his hands are sliding up my sides and he's getting closer to me, pulling me against him, taking my ear between his teeth in a nip.

"Nikki, we don't have time for this." I let out in a soft giggle.

"So?" He asks, pressing a kiss to my neck, his hands moving up to hold at my chest, rolling his thumbs over my nipples, causing me to take a sharp breath and push my ass against him.

He lets out a soft moan, and I turn to face him, our lips, teeth and tongues meeting in a rough, passionate, kiss, as my body is pulled against his.

"Are you still mad at me?" He says, running his thumb across my bottom lip, looking like he's confident that I'm not still upset with him.

"Get finished, we have stuff to do." I tell him, giving him one last kiss before sliding past him to rinse off.

"Change it to cold water before you leave." He grumbles and I smile to myself, changing the temperature of the water before getting out of the shower.

Once I get my hair towel dried and finish getting ready, I'm cautiously stepping into the hallway, walking where I hear Karen and the reporter talking at the dinner table.

"Yeah, they..." Karen trails off, seeing me. "...Oh, here she is." She states.

He turns around to face me and I rub my lips together, extending my hand to him.

"Len Donoghue." He tells me, shaking my hand.

"Vivian Sixx." I reply, politely. "Um, Nikki's getting some clothes on now, he'll be here in a minute."

"Oh, starting Valentine's Day off right, huh?" He chuckles and I feel my face go red with embarrassment as Karen attempts to curve the conversation.

"You were saying earlier you attend night classes? What degree are you pursuing?" She asks him and I take the opportunity to step to the kitchen and grab a cup of coffee.

Nikki's already there, seeming to be stalling as he takes his time examining the array of coffee cups in our cupboard.

"You don't drink coffee, baby." I remind him and he glances at me before handing me a cup.

"I was supposed to wake up this morning to a blow job. Not a fucking hotshot know-it-all scribe jotting down every last syllable of shit I say only to fabricate and cut it up before printing it in a way that makes me look bad." He mumbles and I give him a soft smile, my fingers running through the ends of his hair.

"It will be okay, Nikki. Just smile and it'll be over before you know it." I encourage him.

He sighs out, kissing me briefly before I pour my coffee and we step to the dinner table, where Len is lighting up at the site of Nikki.

"Hey, man, Nikki." Nikki introduces himself, shaking Len's hand.

"Len Donoghue, it's a pleasure." He smiles enthusiastically at him and Nikki nods before motioning to the kitchen.

"I'm gonna cook some breakfast if you wanna start your interrogation in the kitchen." Nikki says in a joking tone, but in know he means "interrogation" literally.

"Sure." Len nods, the three of us stepping to the kitchen as Karen gets up and heads to her bedroom to hangout until we're done.

I hoist myself onto the counter, watching as Nikki pulls the eggs from the fridge and I tense up as I multiple paper bags on the shelves before he closes the fridge.

I hope Len didn't notice.

"You've even got that particular detailing in here." Len comments, looking up at the mirrored ceiling.

"Yeah, I read somewhere mirror creates the illusion of a more open room." Nikki tells him, grabbing a bowl to crack the eggs into.

"That's why the place is covered in mirror?"

"Yeah, why else would it be?" He pretends to play dumb, and Len glances at me before shaking his head a little. "No reason."

"When did you move into this place?" He asks us and Nikki starts cracking the eggs.

"Uhh...like..." He looks at me. "...Over a year ago? Year and a half?"

I just nod and he confirms it.

"Yeah, over a year ago."

"Who's idea was it to live out here?" He asks next and Nikki nods towards me.

"She liked the house and I got it once we had the money." He explains.

"That makes me sound like a gold digger." I say.

"Okay, we drove by one day and she said it was a nice house and I went behind her back and got it and surprised her with it once I had the money." He corrects and Len smiles.

"Is he always nice like that?" He asks me.

"Despite how he seems publicly, he's a nice guy." I tell him and Nikki shushes me as if I can't tell his secret, making me chuckle as he grins, pouring the eggs into the heated pan.

"There's a lot of mystery around you two, is that something that's good to you or backfires sometimes?"

"It's good." Nikki states. "It's really nobody's business unless we do stuff like this," he motions to Len, "And let people in on it."

"We don't necessarily understand what the big deal is about, honestly. There's plenty of people dating or married to someone who isn't quite like them. The fact we're in the public eye doesn't make it any more interesting, honestly." I add.

"Yeah, people would be disappointed if they saw how our relationship works just like everyone else's." Nikki puts in next.

"I think you two being together really invokes certain conversations because one of you is a by the book Christian, and the other has been accused of Satanism in the past." Len suggests with a small chuckle. "So you're pretty opposite of each other in that sense but you still manage to get along well enough to feel the need to marry one another."

"We're opposite of each other in every sense, almost." Nikki tells him, finishing on the eggs.

"Really?"

"She's more reserved, conservative, quiet, innocent, sober, religious, organized..." Nikki names off a few things. "...and there's me."

"I wanna touch on that, really, because 'sober' is not something associated with rockstars or really this industry much at all, really, with so much money and access to excess and so on, have you really never had a drink of alcohol or was that an exaggeration? I mean, really, your friends, husband, piers are doing God knows what and you've never at least been curious enough to try something out?" He asks me and I shake my head.

"No. And that's not something I ride through the streets and shout out or project at a party or use to talk down on other people with. I choose not to do that because it doesn't interest me, it interests some people, some people enjoy it, but I've never really been drawn to any of it. And especially the really hard stuff, I've never felt the need or allure to that because I've seen what it does to people. But I don't turn my nose up at people who want a beer after work or have some cocktails with their girl friends on a night out. I don't even think I'm any better than the addicts that claw their eyes out while they're on dope. That's their business." I tell him, and Nikki clears his throat, putting the eggs into a bowl to be scooped out by who ever that wants them as he pulls the package of bacon from the fridge next.

"So you're the trusted D.D. when it's a night out?" Len asks me and I nod.

"Oh, yeah." I nod.

"Back to the 'opposites' topic, how did someone like you, get together with someone like her?" He questions Nikki again and Nikki let's out a breath, smirking.

"The clean version." I warn Nikki and he laughs.

"Oh, c'mon, Viv." He nudges me and I raise my brows. "Okay, fine, we met at a club on the strip, Tommy introduced us, and he had told me she was coming down there to see us and that she was a dancer and her mom was super strict, and just telling me and Mick some things about her because he and Vince had grown up with her, but we'd never met her. So she comes down there, and she's dressed like a fucking--I don't even know, nothing like what I was use to seeing on the Strip. And we just couldn't stand each other, honestly. We would aggravate the piss outta each other, I'd harrass her and purposely do and say stuff that I knew would gross her out and she would pick at me and deliberately say shit to get under my skin and piss me off. I called her 'Saint Viv' and 'Virgin Viv' and she'd call me 'Devil Spawn' and we just really got on each other's nerves, man."

"What changed that?" He asks and I wait to see how Nikki's going to say "I screwed her into my ratty mattress" in a PG way.

"There was this one night, I don't even know what happened, but I just realized I was really, really into her, and I guess she realized the same because we've been together ever since." He tells him.

"So, it's worth all the criticism about you not being the real deal because you've 'settled down'?"

"I'm not an idiot, I know people dont talk shit because I've 'settled down', they talk shit about who I've 'settled down' with. And if being with someone who's got my back, and strives to push me be the best in can be, and supports me and helps me up when I need it, then I will loud and proud shout from the hills that I've 'settled down.' I write music based off what inspires me, some of Mötley's best songs have been inspired by the very girl I'm criticized for being with because they either think she's boring or isn't bad enough for me or whatever bullshit they drum up. But I don't need someone who's bad through and through, that would be a disaster. She's bad wear it counts." He informs him and I squeeze my eyes shut.

"Nikki!" I scold.

"I'm just saying." He shrugs. "And I'd hate being with someone who's exactly like me because then I wouldn't be learning new things, or having engaging conversation that challenges my views, or see a different perspective, and she wouldn't have that, either. So I think all the street rock posers downing on me for being with a 'goody goody' and the holier-than-thou Tipper Gore carbon copies that give Viv shit for being with a 'satan worshiper' can all kiss our asses and fuck off."

Len nods, looking impressed but not shocked with Nikki's words.

"Wanna add anything to that?" He asks me.

"Ditto." I reply and Nikki smiles at me for a moment.

After Nikki's finished cooking, we're sitting at the table, and get on the topic of music.

"Is there any idea when the new music will be coming out?" He asks Nikki and Nikki nods, taking a sip of his orange juice.

"Sometime this year." He says.

"Is it gonna have a 'Theater of Pain' feel to it or is it gonna hold the same change that, that album did compared to 'Shout at the Devil'?"

"Well, we change our sound because we grow. I don't think it's too far off, I think it's all still rock 'n roll, but the sound differs a little bit with each album because we evolve." He replies.

"Any album in particular that you've made so far that's a favorite or is the best yet to come?"

Nikki gets a happy, proud grin on his face.

"The best is yet to come." He states. "Some really cool stuff is in the works."

"I'm glad to hear that because I actually am a fan of you guys' so that's a good word from you." He tells him.

"Great." Nikki says, his bare foot kicking at mine under the table.

I kick back as Len is oblivious and continues asking questions.

"Are you into their music, too, or are you just along for the ride because you kind of have to be?" He nods to me as Nikki and I are now in a kicking war, despite acting like nothing's happening.

"Yeah, I like their music."

He looks a little taken back by my answer.

"You listen to Mötley Crüe without obligation?"

"Well, yeah." I tell him.

"She looks like a frilly flower girl so you don't expect that, right?" Nikki asks, and I kick him under the table and he kicks me back, again.

"What else do you listen to?" Len asks me.

"A little bit of everything. If it's catchy or has a good groove to it, it doesn't matter the artist, I'll buy it. I listen to ABBA, Chaka Khan, Hank William's Jr, Deep Purple, BeeGees..."

"And everything in between?"

"And everything in between." I chuckle. "I also have Bon Jovi but Nikki's always trying to steal it and get rid of it."

"You don't like Bon Jovi?" Len asks, seemingly insulted and Nikki looks at me with cut eyes and a devious smirk, like he's gonna get even with me, later.

"I like Jon, I've hung out with him several times, he's a cool guy. Vocally, he nails it every time. Lyrically, musically, I can't fucking stand it. It's like being stuck on the tea cups at Disney. You wanna get off before you throw up."

"So, you don't mind ABBA, but Bon Jovi's a no-go?"

"...Basically..." He rubs his eye. "But, I mean, I might tolerate some of it if she put it on and started doing a little strip tease or something. I'd consider it, then."

I glare at him and Len laughs, as Nikki smiles innocently at me.

Once we're done eating, we offer a tour of the house, which Len eagerly accepts.

"Obviously, living room." Nikki motions.

"What happened to the ceiling?" He asks, noticing the empty ceiling space.

"Nikki thought it would be smart to throw a baseball in the house. The whole ceiling suffered." I lie and Len raises his brows.

"I bet that was fun to clean up."

"We wouldn't know, we paid someone to come out here and do it for us." Nikki mumbles. "Alright, awards and achievements." He says next, motioning to his freshly reframed gold and platinum disc awards, and my ballet trophies I've racked up from childhood to the beginning of senior year, that Nikki practically made me put on display when we moved in because he thinks it's something I should be proud of enough to showcase to people.

"Guest bedrooms, and bathroom down here." Nikki motions down the hall. "Garage, here." We walk down a couple of steps to the garage door and open it up, switching on the light.

His bike, his Corvette and mine, greet us and Len nods.

"Nothing too extravagant." He voices to us.

"I'm looking at a blacked out Mercedes right now, I might end up getting it soon." Nikki tells him.

"Oh, really?" I ask, crossing my arms.

"I was gonna tell you about it later, babe." He assures me.

"Right, like you told me about the Jeep and the Harley?"

"Ha. Ha." He let's out sarcastically. "We have a pool." He quickly discards our disagreement, leading Len back up the steps and into the house to take him to the pool.

By the time the interview is at a closing, it's almost 1:00pm, and I hope he has enough material to make a decent article.

"Thanks for letting me come by, I really do appreciate it." Len thanks us, shaking my hand before shaking Nikki's hand one last time. "It was really an honor get to talk to you, man, good luck with the album. Can't wait to hear it."

"Thanks." Nikki replies.

"Alright, you two take care, have a good evening." He tells us, turning to walk to his car.

"You, too." Nikki says before shutting the door.

When it's shut, he's turning to look down at me.

"What is it?" I ask him.

"I'm probably gonna go get some stuff from town." He states and I nod.

"Okay, I'm probably about to hangout by the pool with Karen for a few minutes." I tell him, heading to our bedroom to put my swimsuit on.

I hear the fridge open and shut--he's grabbing some of his heroin--before he's telling me he'll be back in a few minutes.

Once the garage door shuts, I'm stepping out to find Karen in her bedroom.

"Hey," I start and she looks up from where she's laying on her bed, reading. "I was gonna go lay out for a few minutes, do you wanna come?"

"Yeah, I'll be out there in a second. Let me get changed."

The phone starts ringing and I head to answer it, hoping it's not someone calling to tell me Nikki's been in an accident.

"Hello?" I answer.

"Happy Valentine's Day!" Steven's voice happily declares on the other end of the line.

"Happy Valentine's Day." I reply, stepping to the kitchen to grab a Pepsi from the fridge.

"I-Is Sixx around?"

"Not right now, he's running errands in town." I explain to him.

"Oh...well when he gets back can you get him to call me back?"

"Yeah. Is everything alright?"

"It's perfect. Love you. Gotta go." He abruptly hangs up and I furrow my brows a little, hanging the phone back up.

A few minutes into sunbathing, I'm laying on my stomach with my bikini string untied as Karen chats away while I drift in and out of sleep.

"I'm gonna go use the bathroom." Karen tells me, getting up off her pool chair, heading into the house.

I give her a wave of my hand without opening my eyes, letting out a relaxed breath.

My body tenses for a moment at the feeling of Nikki's lips pressing the center of my spine, working their way up to my hair.

"Hi." I say, sitting up, tying my top back into place as he sits on my chair beside me. "Steven called and wanted you to call him back."

"He called again just when I got in so I already talked to him." He tells me and I nod. "I was out getting stuff for tonight." He wiggles his brows for a second and I try not to laugh.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Some more wine for me, the fizzy grape juice for you, and some more candles."

"You don't like just screwing around with a candle on because you can't see everything." I point out and he smirks.

"I didn't buy them for light." He says and I raise my brows, a lusty feeling washing through me at the thought.

"Race you to the bedroom!" I shout, about to take off but he grabs at my hips and pulls me down to his lap, laughing at my eagerness. "Nikki, we don't have time to waste. I have carbonated grape juice to sip on and hot candle wax to be dripped in, and that's not even including the sleazy stuff that follows, so c'mon." I struggle to pull his arms from around my waist so I can get free.

"Viv, we'll get to that later tonight, you gotta get ready for your surprise." He tells me.

"I have a surprise?"

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"A surprise."

"Nikki."

"Viv."

"...Fine." I huff and he let's me out of his lap, handing me the roses he got me. "Where is this surprise?"

"Can't tell you. Just get changed, dress up a little bit if you want to." He tells me.

I guess he thought since he had died the year before, he should put his all into making up for it the following year.

I have to give it to him, he outdid himself that Valentine's Day...but he had some help.

"Okay, no peeking." Nikki says to me after securing the blindfold around my eyes and I grin, my hand in his as he helps me out of his Corvette.

I'm taken off guard by him suddenly picking me up, shutting the passenger side door with his foot.

"What are you doing?" I chuckle out.

"I don't want you to walk and hear your steps because it'll spoil the surprise."

"I feel you struggling to keep me up." I say to him, poking fun.

"I'm not struggling."

"Okay but if you drop me, I'm kicking your ass." I add.

"I'll kick your ass right back." He scoffs.

"Okay, then put me down and let's go, Sixx. Best two out of three."

"You're like a baby bird: all mouth." He taunts me.

"You're a baby bird: all whining."

"Virgin Vivian."

"Devil Spawn."

"Are you ready to see your surprise or are you gonna keep running your mouth?" He asks and I roll my eyes behind the blindfold and exhale.

"Fine."

He sets me down, and my heels click against the sound of wood.

"Alright, ready?"

"Yes."

The blindfold comes off, and Steven's firing off one of those tiny confetti poppers as he, Nikki and Duff all saying, "Tada!" at the same time.

We're standing inside of Mandy's old rehearsal space, except it's not shitty looking anymore.

The holes in the ceiling are patched up, it's got new lights, the floors are fresh and the once scratched up and worn down mirror is replaced, completely brand new.

I can't even form words, my eyes watering, my hand grasping Nikki's tightly.

"What do ya think?" Duff asks me.

"I-I..." I try to talk, but can't.

"Do you like it?" Nikki asks next and I'm turning to face him, wrapping my arms around his waist, hugging him tightly, nearly knocking him off balance. "Woah." He laughs, his hand rubbing up and down my back.

I'm wiping my tears when I pull away, catching his lips with mine when he leans down to kiss me for a second.

Knowing Duff was the one who bought the place from Mandy to begin with, I hug him to me next.

"Thank you." I sniffle out to him, giving him a tight squeeze before pulling away.

"It wasn't a problem, Viv." He assures me as Steven clears his throat.

"I wiped the finger prints off the mirror." He tells me and I smile, hugging him, too.

"Thank you." I say, ruffling his fluffy blonde hair.

Duff's grasping my hand, turning it over so my palm is facing upward before he's putting a key in it, closing my fingers around it.

I give him a genuine, grateful, closed-lip smile, and he returns it, his kind eyes seeming to have a spark of extra liveliness from being in his element of doing good things to make people happy.

I swear I can see Nikki scowling at us from the corner of my eye, but the look is gone from his face as soon as it arrives.

#nikki sixx #mötley crüe #nikki sixx fanfiction #nikki sixx x oc #gateway drug

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blckdtd · 3 years

Text

"Train"

i had a crush on a college friend for like three years already... maybe longer than that. im writing this post because ive dreamt about him this morning. i tried to sleep again as i still want to continue that crazy dream since it was a bit beautiful. we were happy in that dream. but im not sure if because we are together as a couple or as something else.

i actually really like seeing him smile most of the time, thats why whenever we go home together i try to talk to him and make him laugh or smile as much as possible. but, being a funny person was not my best asset, so its always... awkward. it also fascinates me whenever we dont talk at all, or when his face is blank with unreadable emotion, though sometimes im having anxious thoughts that maybe he was annoyed on why do i kept talking and talking when he is clearly not interested. those moments taught me to shut my mouth most of the times.

but how did everything started? ill try to recall everything dont worry.

it was summer, and we were still freshman in college, group chats for sections in our department were already made and people were already having some clicks and groups. i also found our class' group chats, and while scrolling on the member's list, he was the first person i added on facebook since i noticed he was quite good looking (young me dumb me. always lookinh for the face. apologies). but i never messaged him personally on facebook.

first day came in, he was the first person i talked to actually since he was the person i first recognized. but, during freshman year, he was not my seasonal crush. had a crush on two person on different sememsters, one for each sememsters, but i dont think theres a need to elaborate on that i guess. maybe another time.

sophomore year is starting to come in. summer after fresh man year, i found out that the four of us will be in the same section, me, him, T, and A. the thing is, we actually belong in the same group of friends, we also have the gc (group chat). when i found out that the four of us are in the same class, i started to have some panic or thinking, that "oh shit. he is my classmate. this year. he ll be on the long list of my seasonal mandatory crush (i know. it sucks to have this mentality, like i cannot move forward to my life without having a crush on anyone or anything). i tried to avoid the feelings because he is quite a nice person. but it happened after that event.

swimming class, this was the first day i guess??? i cant remember. but i know it was the swimming class. the four of us were kinda huddled together since we dont rrally get alonv with everyone yet, and the instructor said to group ourselves in to two. to be honest, during the time, i quite sure o dont have the feelings for him yet. so me and him like automatically paired ourselves, since t and a automatically paired themselves. then he said "lets go there". then we grabbed each others hand, under the water. i can still remember that time because after that day, i did not exactly have it in mind, but the longer the time passes, the more i can remember, and im pretty sure he dont even remembered that day.

we hold hands under water and he lead the way. it was not the romantic type holding hands, the one where people actually intertwined their hands, it was just simple holding hands. then we let go, and started the routines we need to do.

being that im the fat one, i did feel how his hands are kinds bony since hes quite thin. and he is also lighter, i even believed that i could piggy back him if he ask me too. i know that he is lighter when our instructor ask us to do a simple floating where we simply lay flat on the water surface. it was fun knowing that he actually cant do that given that he is a really good swimmer and he is lighter too, but i can, a non good swimmer even if it could save my life. i almost like carried him in my arms to guide him how to float, thats how i found out he is light, but thats okay, i also liked that about him.

then one day, i woke up, i said to my self. "shit. im having a crush on him. this is not good". what i hate about this, is because i have the constant need to show off or have his attention or be in the same grouos or anything with him... like? we are already going home together cause we take tge same train or something, im so greedy, attention seeker, obsessed, annoying. i also chat him on facebook most of the time, like i always need to find a reason to talk to him or something. almost the whole year of second year college was me being a bother to him or something, and i just fully realized it now. and if ever for some reason you read this, yes, this is about you, and im really sorry for bothering you all these years thinking that you might, well, "reciprocate" the feelings, in short, sorry for being immature.

til this day, some parts of my heart, wished that there are times where he did enjoy our small talks on the train, or if he did enjoy having me as a "friend".

i can still remember how we talked about the girl you almost become girlfriend, about how you felt when one of our classmate gave you something on valentines day, how i fucked up and confessed of having feelings for you, and how we somehow remained as friends even after that day. i know you told our other friends that i confessed my feelings for you, thats why they started teasing me about it.

i missed you needing me to go somewhere sometimes because youre not much of a streetsmart or always forgets how to go some certain place. i remember how i said that you can rest your head on my shoulder when we were on the train on our way to one of our friends house to make a costume, how i lend my earphones to you so you can listen to some music even though i actually love listening to music, how you waited for me on train station even though i was late. we had a meet up.that day because you want to buy something that we found while looking for some naterials to make the costume, well you waited because you barely remember how to get there in the first place. not gonna lie, i was kinda happy how you waited for me on that station.

i can also remember how we talked throughout our jeepney ride on our way to the station, im sorry to say this, but during that day, i somehow had a hunch that you were just talking to me because i kinda led our way on how the two of us will get home, because you dont always talk to me in first place, ever since that day you knew, which i did understood, but i dont know why i still.stood my ground on seeking yoir attention. ha! but yes i can still remember how i take you to your station on your way home because you dont know your way, i got off of the train even though i could have just stayed and have my way home. it was fun though, and so foolish of me.

why am i even head over heels on you even after all this years? yes until now.

third year college, i promised my self that ill try to stop having feelings for you. but i didnt. but we were on that level where we just accepted that yeah i know that you know thatbinhave feelings for you but we will just be civil about it. we were kind of a pair tbh, you can use my phone whenever you want since that was the time when yiu dont have your own phone. you actually have more photos on that phone than me lol. we were in a civil state to the point we even became automatic pairs on an activity in botany class. we even became thesis groupmates. you probably had the most contribution on that thesis so i still thank you even till this day.

i also remembered when you asked me to come with you to get your birth certificate since you actually dont know how to get one, not gonna lie again, i was kinda having a moment back there since we were in the middle of thesis day, more like finishing it up, but you asked me to come with you. we travelled like for almost an hour for that, fell in line just to have your id photocopied, then i instructed you on which line you should take next, how to get this and that, then i waited for you, again. so we can also go back to the university. i had some realizations that day. on the lengths that my feelings for you drove me.

i also remembered how we went home together like we usually do after that earthquake since the station had a bit of crack on its foundation. but we went to separate ways you rode a jeepney on your way. i walked to mine.

one of the things that touched me was when you asked me about my favorite band, why did i liked them, and you somehow, had some small history, that you listened to them before or something.

but there are also those days where we dont even talked about anythibg at all. we just stayed silent. and bid our goodbyes and take cares. maybe those were your favorite days, just kidding.

im not trying to paint you as bad guy for not reciprocating or anything. im just remembering things, and i need to let them out.

it kinda sucks when i didnt saw you on the last day where we need to return our graduation gowns because i need to leave early that day because of an emergency family trip to the beach. just a celebration because i just graduated.

im sorry i still havent picked up your drawings that i said i will buy just to help you. because i had a job that time and you still havent because youre supposed to go to a medical school.

our company had a job opening but i was too shy to send the invite to you, idk why. i did tried to talk to you again just like a normal friend but, i know i cant. even while writing this, i can attest that im still not in the best condition to talk to you because i still... cant move on. this sucks.

there are parts of me that wished i didnt approached you on the first day of class. or maybe i shouldnt held your hand under water. or maybe... i shouldnt have just let this.feelings swallowed me.

i dreamed of you last night. but dont worry, nothinh sexual. i dreamed of holding your hand again. and seeing your smile. softly playing your hands until they were intertwined. it was a good dream. i wish i didnt woke up. but i need to.

your smile was so beautiful, i rarely saw them actually even after hundreds of train trips we had together. i loved the sound of your laugh actually that will soon give your smilling face. i can even remember your eyelashes they were so beautiful, though i hope you werent freaked out when i looked at you.

youre a beautiful person, your smart, you sometimes dark humor, you being lowkey gentleman, your creativity and artistry. everything about you.

to end this, i hope you know that it is not late to pursue your artistic passion or to go to a medical school. youre a brilliant person Eli, i hope you know that also. and i loved you, as person, as a friend, as someone who i went head over heels. right now, i do wish we meet again, but in a different time, but now, i only wish you happiness and success. thank you for being part of my life as a simple college student.

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multifandomwaifu · 7 years

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Valentine’s Day with the Peaky Blinders

[HOW THE HECK I GOT 2K+ ON THIS POORLY WRITTEN THING!?!??!?!?TY FOR ALL THE LOVE OMG GUYS ;A;]

Wah, I didnt know there are so many people that still liked this fandom nvn

I’m so happy my first imagine of this show got so much love and support, thank you guys and also have a happy Valentine’s Day even if I’ll be at work and then come back home and cry alone with a box of chocolate and strawberries.

Enjoy~! <3

Thomas Shelby

Lips pressed against your temple, fingers laced together while you two cuddled in bed, enjoying each other's warmth and company.

Valentine's day was today and Tommy decided to make it romantic, kicking everyone out of the house and made it a day only for you two to spend together.

Candles lighted up all around the room, rose petals sprawled everywhere while a big heart that was drawn out of them in the middle of the bed.

When you had came home and found that there, you thought it was a joke but finding Tommy sitting in the middle of the rose petals heart with a champagne in one hand and two glasses in his free hand, you knew it wasnt' a joke.

When it comes to romance or dates, Tommy would do anything to please you, even becoming a hopeless romantic to please his woman.

Arthur Shelby

We all know that Arthur was never one for romance, all this mushy things that would make your knees week and your heart throb, but when it came to you, it all changes.

You found him home, pacing around the room before he noticed you, rushing to your side, spinning you around in his arms before having a giant boquet or roses shoved in your face while his eyes averted somewhere else with a simple mumble of 'I love you and all that shit and I know you like roses, so here' .

The gesture was something to make you break into a smile since Arthur tried to become a better man and quit his fighting and drinking habits thought a little glance at the table told you that he already drank half a bottle of wine, probably to man up and give you the flowers.

John Shelby

John always surprised you with something, from flowers, to chocolate and even skipping work so he could take you out and see the pictures.

Today was special and for such a special occasion, he had reserved the theatre for you guys all evening, letting you enjoy the movies you adore and keep sharing deep and passionate kisses once in a while, holding hands and fighting with popcorn when the movie got too cheesy.

When the evening was over and you guys left the pictures, you had asked him why he keeps loving you so much, him pausing in helping you get your coat back on only to press a loving kiss to your neck and smirk.

"Can't a husband love his wife and the mother of his children?"He simply replied only to laugh at the red color surfacing on your cheeks.

Michael Gray

Michael had decided since it was Valentine's day, to take you out and what better way then with a picnic in the park nearby the house you two shared.

Basket in one hand while his free one held yours, fingers laced together while your cheek pressed against his forearm (since you barely reached his shoulders) and enjoying the silent walk you two had.

Once at the park, he had set down a red blanket with dark lines and yellow flowers designs making you snicker at his choice of blanket only to sit down, letting him take out the sandwiches and drinks he had bought before a red box caught your eye making you open your mouth to ask the male what is that only to gasp, hand moving to press against your open mouth while you stared in shock at Michael getting on one knee and showing you the content of the box.

"I know it's cheesy being Valentines Day and everything..but would you do the honors of being Miss Gray from now on?"He asked with a gentle smile.

Finn Shelby

When Finn wasn't taking his drugs and copying his brothers, he was quite gentle and shy when it come to romance and you were sure he had asked his bigger brothers for tips since right now you were on your way to the circus that you always wanted to see since you were a child. Excitement being evident on your face while you kept shifting in your chair like a hyper child.

"You know this circus comes only once every three years?"You asked, licking your dry lips only to lean and peck the male's cheek, giggling when they became a dark red while Finn glanced at you and then back at the road, mumbling he knew that only to add he will even take you backstage so you can meet the performers after the show.

That just made you squeal out in happiness, hands wrapping around Finn's neck to give him a giant hug only to chirp he was the best boyfriend before you leaned back, letting the male keep driving while cooing over his rosy cheeks and how he kept unbuttoning the collar of his shirt to cool down.

Isaiah Jesus

Isaiah loved to treat you like a princess and with everything he did or does, he wants to make it be seen by his close group of friends and even the guys that dear to go against the Peaky Blinders.

During Valentines Day, he had came early at your job, wrapping his arms around your waist while placing open mouth kisses on your neck, squeezing you closer before placing a wrapped up box with a bow in your hands, mumbling he had bought you that expensive Belgian chocolate you craved for weeks.

"I knew you wanted it, so I bought it. Only the finest for my girl."He would mumble, nibbled your earlobe while you unwrapped the box and smile at the chocolate inside, picking one up and press it against Isaiah's lips only to blush when he bit down on it and lick his lips before he leaned to kiss you, grunting when you tried to pry his lips open so you could take the chocolate for yourself.

Alfred ‘Alfie’ Solomons

Since Alfie owned a bakery, he always made you the best treats in town and since it was Valentines Day, it was a much more special day then the others.

Coming home and finding all those freshly baked sweets on your kitchen table only to make you raise an eyebrow hearing thumbs from upstairs making a smile break on your lips.

Once upstairs, you found Alfie cussing while kicking the side of your bed, mumbling more profanaties only to pause when he heard your giggles making him turn around and give you a gentle glare.

"[Y/N], you're home earlier...I wanted to wrap your stupid mutt up in ribbons and have him bring the sweets to you but he bit me and then I---"His words were cut off by your lips pressed against his, gripping the front of his jacket to keep him closer and hum, leaning back and snicker that he was being an idiot right now.

"Boxer will never let you touch him..We both know he started hating you the moment he walked on us having sex..I think we scarred my dog for life."You laughed, combing your fingers through Alfie's hair only to press a gentle kiss to his neck and whisper for him to go downstairs and get the sweets and then come back and close the door.

"Lock it too..I want to eat those sweets off your body."You cooed while watching Alfie with dark eyes and smirk when he walked to the door only to hiss when you slapped his bottom and wave at him from your bed.

#peaky #peaky blinder imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinders imagine #thomas shelby #arthur shelby #john shelby imagine #john shelby #finn shelby #michael gray #michael shelby imagine #michael gray x reader #isaiah jesus #alfie solomons #alfred solomons #thomas shelby imagine #arthur shelby imagine

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stardatextoday · 7 years

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So I've stayed quiet long enough and I think I'm finally ready to talk about my feelings and my reaction to the story that's been circulating about the ridiculous reaction to the radio cutest couple contest. I was not expecting this to go viral, much less turn out in my favor so much. I never realized that after being a safe space for so long, that i in turn get to feel safe as well. my wife's job prevents her from being on the phone during the day and lately she's been very overwhelmed checking in at the end of the night so I think that I'll be the one to talk about this. Plus we all know that I am the extrovert of the two and I'll talk about anything. When I dropped the collage of our photos in the comment section of the radio contest, I knew that there would be some sort of lackluster reaction to it. But society has progressed AND it was our anniversary so i was full of happiness. Once i entered, I forgot about my the contest for quite a bit of time I didn't even realize people have voted for me until i got tagged in something My wife and I have been together for eight years. eight years. that's close to a decade. We are so full of love and positivity that we have made it our mission to take that overflowing love and share it with other people. We are inclusive, we listen, we sympathize, and we are a safe haven for everyone who has ever met us. I thought that by entering a normally very heteronormative traditional contest, that at least one same-sex couple could see it and remember that they are just as valid as other couples. Being married to a woman doesnt make me more or less bisexual, so my orientation shouldnt matter. I didn't expect to win, honestly, i didn't expect even make it into the contest. I'm used to seeing discrimination like that in everyday life and I would've understood if the radio station had chosen the way the traditional way to avoid conflict- even if it would have been exclusionary. However it's 2017 and times are changing. I don't expect the runner up with the poor attitude. (I blocked him almost immediately so i dont remember his name) to understand what its like to go outside and fear for your life when your partner grabs your hand. Did you stand at the courthouse trembling when the registrar asked why my wife was changing her name? No, you didn't. You werent there when i bawled in 2012 because doing my 2011 taxes meant filing as single even though I had gotten a civil union on 11/11/11. Nevermind my legal marriage in 2012 or anything. No, you weren't there. Youll never have to be there. You wont ever have to explain your decisions to people. You dont have to face discrimination for your relationship. My marriage is so strong and so loving, and yet people still wish me dead for it. Ive been called a dyke since i was 11. Ive had it written on my desk, ive had it written in my own blood on the schools bathroom mirror after being assaulted in middle school. Ive been sexually assault because of it, and ive been denied opportunities because of my sexual orientation. I dont owe anyone these explanations but i just want people to understand that after years of being called things like a "fat dyke" those words mean nothing to me. In fact I embraced them. Not everyone is privileged enough to do that. I love being chubby. I really do. I spent years and years hating myself and honestly i have never felt more beautiful and honest with myself as i do now. Yeah, i spend my free time squatting and meal prepping, but you'd never know that because im just a "250# dyke" to you. (Bless you for thinking im only 250 lol) Im a fighter; anyone whos spent more than 15 seconds with me knows that I enjoy every single last drop of diversity, yes even your bigoted opinions. Why? Because your opinions based out of hatred just reinforce mine out of love (and a little spite honestly). Your hashtags are appalling. I was put on this planet to do far more than procreate, and honestly insinuating that people who arent fertile or cannot have children, are not people is dehumanizing and objectifying. You keep giving half-assed apologies about how your beliefs are solid, and honestly i dont give a singular shit. I think you're a petulant child who lost a local radio contest because your support is far less than mine. But, thats just my opinion. My opinions are not preventing you from anything, honestly. I still think you deserve basic human rights, even though you think far less for me My wife has come home every night, too anxious about safety and notoriety to do much of anything. I never wanted this to go viral, but honestly your terrible responses from YOU and YOUR BUSINESS are the reasons this spread like wildfire. I havent said anything other than the occasional "No, please don't mention my name in your article." You are upset that your name/address/and phone number were revealed but it was one google search away. If you didnt want to be public, try not being a public official. I have gotten so overwhelmed by the love and support given to my family. People i havent spoken to in years and people that i dont even know have reached out. Ive cried in public when people told me i gave them hope. I am no saint. I am just a fat bisexual girl who likes cats and black lipstick. Im supportive and kind, even my enemies will tell you so. I wish youd stopped to get to know me before trying to assimilate a biography from a collage in the comments of a local radio stations contest I hope you had a great Valentine's Day. I spent mine eating ice cream and singing songs while driving with my wife. Hopefully someday you understand that opinions are kind of like umbrellas- everyone should have them but theyre not always necessary. Feel free to share this and tag anyone whos been involved, i would like for this to be the last of this drama tbh. http://wqad.com/2017/02/15/henry-county-board-member-attacks-lesbian-couple-sparks-facebook-fire-storm/

#lgbt #bisexual #homophobia #gay #biphobia

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istvp · 4 years

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Change of Decades

when it was the end of 2019 I was caught up on the ideas of decades and how I should start a new decade with a different approach putting to affect everything I've learnt in the past decade. when december reached its end and came into more realisation and understanding to how I was in this past decade (2010-2019)

and what I've learnt and done in those 10 years and how I came to be from the very begginging of 2010 till the end of 2019.

from dancing and learning english to the mentalist and being smarter than everybody else. from reading books and listening to older people and their experience and learning from everything I face and live.

from 2012 and learning about the Illuminati and the Freemasons till the moment of full understanding by watching Zeitgeist movies.

to learning about Jacque Fresco and learning about everything he says and downloading his videos and rewatching them all.

and the venus peoject and how its bettet than everything I had ever read about or hear about.

to 2013 and buying a laptop and watching even more videos. and droppening out of highschool and never going back. and the time on facebook and youtube.

then in 2014 and leaving my old house and moving to a new neighborhood. and then dealing with the aftermath of that and how reminiscent I became about my shit old room as I described it and my old town that I was so desperate to leave.

to then unsubscribing from the faith and religion and escaping my environment.

to then adopting a new diet and being labelled vegetarian in 2015, then losing my laptop later that year.

then having my first smartphone in january of 2016.

and at February I did my first dental surgery and remove my right wisdom tooth in qibla,

and having my fist offical job in Basra Times Square Mall. in February.

and then removing my left wisdom tooth later that month

only to go back to that mall in march and having my favorite job of all time almost as cashier in Texas chicken restaurant.

and then quitting that job for me to be jobless for alomst the entire year.

then ofcourse 2017 and how hot and sad she was

how summery and painful

from the death of Jacque Fresco in may

getting my first tattoo in may

then June of sadness

my 23rd June anf the time in the beach

the sad songs and all the jobs of that year.

then 2018 and getting back to the same mall and going more to see and speak with the beach.

till the end of it and meeting golden girl

and then 2019 and how fast it was and how wiser I became, with every cup of tea and beach visit with every summer and palm tree.

for the sad and .... very sad

for all the songs and every single person I spoke with. that I hurt or made them feel good

nice and mean.

for the start and the end.

for all the changes.

for me

it only brings me to saying what I wanna say about trying to make the New Year's Eve special

in December 31st 2019, where I went to have tea at my spot in ashar and then to the beach of rivers.

I saw that everyone didnt seem to care about the year ending and definitely did not care about the decade ending. (wich is ofcurse a good thing, its just another number)

the seemed ok with 2019 ending because of what was going on at that time and the massive Revolution and the protest that was going on at that time from october fisrt.

then I moved my way back to the place of the protest in Jibila Basra Iraq at 10pm at night.

I saw that they were doing all kinds of operation and grief about all the young peole who died in the protest and still were dying at that time.

it was both mixed with sadness and happiness

hope and despair

love and hate

so I stayed there and decided that I want to finish this decade there with the people (mostly males)

and I had more tea and I played chess and I took a lot of pictures for the end of this decade.

and it happened at 12am where the clock marked the beginning of the new decade/year

I filmed the fireworks and the happy yelling of people in the street and all the overwhelming feelings that I had for I did not beleive I was alive that whole past decade and now I can witness the change of decades and document it and filim it.

after 23 mintues almost everything calmed down and everybody was going back to their places and some went back to their tents and I head back to empty ashar and empty Basra.

I walked in my town for a about 16 minutes at 1:16 am in january 1st 2020 and everybody was asleep and they definitely did not care about this decade.

its only 3 days in this decade and already a lot has happened, from ww3 and the memes to how bad it was in Iraq and with the killings of young protesters.

and the death of Kobe Bryant and his daughter.

to china declaring the outbreak of (covid19)

novel coronavirus in Wuhan China.

then the days went on and I had some of my own things to do like

getting on a boat for the first time in the decade this one and the one before.

having a somewhat happy/cold winter birthday

and for the very first time in my life I had someone as the best winterbirthday party present from the universe to make me happy at January 26th.

and I started doing a lot of things that I didnt think I could do or even think about in the first place.

and as the days went on and as we know each other and as I deal with the firstness of all of this.

of her

of the year

of the decade

of me

I had my first date ever in my whole life in February 14th

Valentine's Day

and I kept liking this decade with all of its early problems and stayed very positive about everything and wanted to see a solution for everything.

the time started to move fast and so does the problems, the protest and the killings and the pandemic that was declared on march 2020 by the WHO.

and I was very observant to how people and government reacted to this and how Iraqis reacted to this compared to the rest of the world. and I monitored everything both online and in real life and saw how the system started to crumble. and I tryed to stay very smart with this situation this is my first time witnessing a pandemic.

how did we not see what was coming, how did we not think about it and had teams be prepared for it how did we came to be very negligent and so comfortable with this system and we are witnessing now is the failing of

Governments

Economics

Religions

to deal with this very new thing in our day and age.

we have been sleeping on these comfortable beds of phrases like

"we are more advanced than ever now"

" humans can survive in every condition"

"humans are civil and smart"

and you can see that this is not true if you look at the current state of people and how they are behaving the globe.

your trust in democracy did not work

your trust in politics did not work

Your dependence on the economy and money did not work

Your religion and God did not work

and as we continued the destruction of the environment in ourselves with our aberrant behaviour. and how we can all see now that we were not really civilised or smart.

and now you are witnessing the aftermath of we did to this planet and ourselves.

only one thing remains one thing that helped us all since the beginning of time.

Science and how wonderful it is and how its the only way out of this pandemic.

every other thing has abandoned you,

your politics, economics, democracy, Money

and God.

they have all prove to you that they are not worth your time and faith in them.

they are not worth your thoughts of them

and their ego that makes you a victim of being you.

you can see that science is the only way, its the music and the internet of this Quarantine

the shows and the food

the company of people that is provided by the help of science

and medicine and doctors that are by science helping humans survive.

the ventilators and the bed

the antibiotics

the solution

and as Im sitting in my balcony of gaze, looking at the town as it rains heavy on these muddy streets, thinking to myseld if this is what I had in my mind for the start of the decade?

I dont know what I had in mind when I was waiting for a new thing to happen in this decade.

it is a strange time and a strange feeling that I have when I see the state of the world and how surreal it is.

I have hope for this planet and for humans that they will come out of this smarter and better

I dont know if they will I would like to work for that and see that in the next months and years and decades.

a lot of people are behaving currently regarding this situation.

most are doing their absolute best at times like these.

and I can only do my small part of anything from writing to filming and documenting.

and to listening to experts and science.

to not make assumptions and judgements

and to stay hopeful for the days to come.

maybe it will be the start of end of this Monetary System.

and the beginning of

Resource Based Economy.

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