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stxsis · 3 months

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hi this post is rant about shepard's psychology and character design. someone recently gave me one of the best compliments i've ever received when they told me that they can see how much thought i put into my shepard and i loved that someone saw and appreciated that so i wanted to talk about what that process was like and the choices i made creatively and why i made them and sort of what my thoughts were on shepard's whole make up as a character.

the choices that i made in shepard's character design were specifically chosen to be stark opposites. i wanted to make a shepard who looked in all ways the most feminine and delicate, the most underestimated sort of woman who is often treated as almost like a doll, and then i gave her the most tragic backstory and the most ruthless follow up reputation (butcher of torfan).

i picked a combat class entirely opposite to my own (me personally? i'm always the team sniper. don't see me, don't get too close to me. i'll take your head off from across the map thank you) to embody this idea of her being just FULL OF RAGE like she will charge your ass into the ground and you will see her face before you die. a lot of her fighting is very up close and personal (which is fairly fearless) and she'll often stun her opponent with biotics and then execute them with a series of melee attacks. i wanted a shepard who looked harmless but who was capable of intense and unrelenting violence.

her renegade characteristics were about being indelicate in her diplomacy (as in, she has very little diplomacy), she speaks plainly and without pretense and she is fond of employing violence as the solution to any given problem (although i have to say there have been situations where simply the THREAT of her being incredibly violent has resolved canon situations with absolutely no violence like UNC Kyle where she just walks in and tells him to turn himself in and he's like yeah okay sure because he KNOWS shepard will slaughter his entire cult and sleep JUST FINE). it was designed to be opposite of what you would imagine the feminine resolution to be.

i also chose to make her very high empathy but extremely cold in her decision making to support a lot of the canon "renegade" decisions made throughout the game. i was not aware of my own autism a decade ago when i first conceived of shepard and made this blog, but in retrospect i really coded shepard with some of my most autistic traits by giving her an extremely black and white code of ethics and the ability to reduce life and death to a simple math problem. for example, rana thanoptis on virmire: i know personally that i would have let that woman live and then she would have turned around and killed a bunch of people in me3 because of being indoctrinated. we know that all of her work on virmire is studying indoctrination up close and personal. we should be able to very simply deduce that she is likely indoctrinated and therefore a huge liability and have the renegade option to remove her as a threat. ((unfortunately, the only option we are given for killing her in canon is actually to punish her for participating in evil experiments, which-- it's dubious at best whether she was even a willing participant.)) ignoring the canon dialogue for a moment, what i wanted to achieve in shepard's character design is someone who would take one look at rana thanoptis and shoot her dead because she's been exposed, and thereby without knowing it save the lives of a handful of asari two games later. this is death math + enough faith to pull the trigger, which also requires a fair bit of confidence in this math. to grant this confidence, religious faith seemed like a really key choice to add to shepard's character.

justifying her choices with a religious foundation that allows her to exist within this morally liminal space without the intense self doubt i think other characters might face given her choices was really to me a necessity because i couldn't imagine someone existing like this all the time and making these decisions all the time without some kind of ... for lack of a better phrase mental padding. not just for her confidence in her choices but also to assuage the guilt factor. i just think that unless she is a sociopath, this decision making would be an extremely taxing process for any person capable of empathy. so to bolster her morale and her confidence, i made her a deeply religious person. now only god can judge her and she can kill them all and let god sort them out. i also specifically made shepard catholic even though i myself am jewish because again, opposite to me, but there's a long historical precedent of catholic soldiers and the archetype of the paladin but also ALSO catholics have as a major part of their faith ABSOLUTION which to me is crazy like you can just say sorry and regret that you broke a few eggs to make the omelet if you say sorry about that, you can, through the church, be formally granted divine forgiveness (which to me personally i must reiterate is wild but go off).

a lot of formulating the explanation for shepard's choices on torfan was foundationally conceived around the thought experiment of the trolley problem. you can google it, but basically it's an ethical dilemma wherein you can choose to kill one person in order to save five people or to do nothing and let the five people die. i wanted to create a character who looked at this problem and would have shot that one person herself, who would beat them to death if she had to because she believes so staunchly in saving the five. so for me, this was about designing a person's psychology hugely around the concept of "death math," which is what i call calculating loss of life and making all of her decisions based on the outcome of those calculations (the key of all these being of course torfan). she was willing to put most of her unit to certain death and she was willing to execute surrendering slavers as part of her canon and so it was vital to me in her character concept to account for these decisions and to extrapolate them into the core of who she is. i even added in a headcanon that she sent her significant other to their death on torfan (not really 100% knowing he would die but still) because of the math.

none of this works by the way without shepard being from mindoir. mindor is a lynch pin for shepard to be the butcher of torfan and make decisions based on death math and still be an empathetic person. in my opinion, if you remove that foundational trauma from the character, she reads as a sociopath. which is fine, but i didn't want shepard to be a sociopath, i wanted her to struggle every day with the choices she made and to have a secret roiling layer of guilt and self doubt that no one ever sees but she stamps down every second of her life with whiskey and jesus.

here's how it works: she's seen the uglier thing. that's what it comes down to. if you don't murder ever single slaver on this base, she has seen up close and personal what will happen. so every decision she makes is TO PREVENT MINDOIR. her most basic psychological programming is to make the sacrifice of committing whatever lesser violence is necessary to preserve the most civilian lives. civilians first always. and she is willing, enthusiastically willing, to beat the life from every slaver in the galaxy with her own bare hands if she has to in order to protect innocent lives. she will commit atrocities and possibly even war crimes if it means saving lives or serving the greater good. the violence of it will haunt her late at night some days, sure. but she will tell herself that this is what's necessary, have a drink and a prayer, and go to bed with no real regrets.

#HC / only mostly dead

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blacksunscorpio · 4 years

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Scorp you're a genius! So relatable and I love how you don't judge others or anyone who comes to you for help. Keep it up! I just had to ask since I see that you make pop culture references to make analogies with astrology. You've mentioned GoT a few times and im a huge fan! Can you do a quick post on Game of Thrones characters and their potential zodiac signs? I'd love to hear your input! Thank you so much!!

Game of Thrones Characters & Their Zodiac Signs

Aries

Khal Drogo- Impulsive. Warlike. Bloodthirsty. Alpha. Conqueror. Hardcore athlete [did you see him on that horse?] Extremely sexual. Forceful. When he first meets Daenerys, he forces himself on her. Afterward, however, he is the first to go to war if he feels the people around him have been disrespected.

Aerys Targaryen- Impulsive, sadistic. Boastful. imperial. He would be the Emperor [reversed] in Tarot, lol. Not as good with being a tactician as he ought to have been. Cruel. Rage problems. The need to be the first and the best. Fire and blood, anyone?

Taurus

Maergery Tyrell - Classy, wealthy, sexy, laid-back, frank but with an air of elegance. Highgardeners have a love for the finer things in life. A love of fine wines and foods. Beautiful clothing and aesthetics. RICH RICH. Get on their bad side and they will take their time finding a way to subvert your authority.

Robert Baratheon- Love of luxury, bullheaded, strong, takes no shit. Fixed in his opinions of others, highkey jealous. In his youth, he enjoyed the gifts of Venus: Charm, wealth coming from the noble house of Baratheon, widely considered handsome by almost all in the 7 kingdoms.

Gemini

Tyrion Lannister- Silver-tongued. HIGHKEY intelligent. Social. Charming. Great sense of humor. A freak [in the sheets]. Chatty. Always finds his way out of a sticky situation. Finds a way to use his intel to bolster diplomacy between his family and the families who hate them.

Little Finger- Cunning, quick-witted, works behind the scenes, manipulative, a snake, jack of all trades. Top dog in the social circles of the 7 Kingdoms. There wasn’t a person who didn’t know of him and his... reputation. He singlehandedly, through his Machiavellian tactics, caused the events of Game of Thrones to unfold.

Cancer

Cersei Lannister- Protective, moody, caring [to her kids], motherly, cantankerous, jealous. A savage. People don’t give Cancer’s the credit they deserve in terms of what they’re capable of. Cersei is a prime example of the type of person who can show unrivaled levels of devotion to the one’s they love. “No one matters but us.” She can be cruel because she lets her emotions rule her actions. When her safety is threatened, she makes sure no one else feels safe either. She loves with a ferocity only rivaled by...

Catelyn Stark- Another mother who would die [quite literally] for her children. Fierce, Protective. Doting. JEALOUS. Let’s not forget how she treated Jon all because she believed Ned’s lie about him being a bastard. Followed her son into battle. Damn near lost her hands fighting off Bran’s would-be assassin.

Leo

Jaime Lannister- Proud. Handsome. Princely. Funny. We seem him go from underdeveloped Leo [arrogant, selfish, bully, prideful, snob, loyal to no one but himself] to developed [Kind, helpful, warm, honest]. Fought bears for his friends. Skilled and proud fighter even without the use of both his hands. Unfortunately, his loyalty caused him to stay loyal to his twin towards the end, but such is the nature of a Leo. They’re hard-pressed to abandon those they truly care for.

Brienne of Tarth- LOYAL. Proud. Devoted. A bit of a flare for drama especially brandishing her sword. Brienne is the definition of Leonine traits. Hard to miss. Devoted to those who show her kindness, i.e Renly, Catelyn, Jaime, Sansa, etc. Always at the front lines in war screaming “STAND YOUR GROUND”. Unrivaled levels of bravery and courage. Not to be fucked with. A true Queen.

Virgo

Samwell Tarley- Intelligent. Scholarly. Methodical. Always with his nose in a book. Unproblematic king. Caught the things everyone else missed, especially when he was an apprentice in Old Towne. Figured out how to cure Jorah Mormont’s affliction on his OWN without any formal training. Genius.

Lord Varys- Remember, Virgo is also ruled by Mercury who is the most cunning of the planetary rulers. Varys always had a spy to collect intel on everyone. A tactician. Never lost his temper. Always had the scoop but didn’t partake in gossip for gossip's sake. Not afraid to be critical or tell those “in charge” his opinion. We can see this specifically when he critiques Aerys, Daenerys, and Robert.

Libra

Davos Seaworth- a skilled diplomat. Davos is always seen seeking balance and fairness in the situations he finds himself in. The minute you see this man in a scene you know he’s going to give a moving speech and get someone out fo a sticky situation. He convinced the Iron Bank to support Stannis. Convinced Daenerys to entertain Jon Snow when they traveled to Dragonstone. Always breaking up a fight. He is in full support of law and order, especially when he called for Melisandre’s head after discovering her part in Shireen’s death [RIP.]

Rhaegar Targaryen- Had a love of music. Harmony. Balance. He brought two families together [Stark and Targaryen]. He was also blessed by Venus in my opinion because he was said to be extremely handsome. A fabulous singer. A fighter yes, but a lover first. Very good with diplomacy but not the best with defending himself against his cousin sign, Taurus [Robert Baratheon].

Scorpio

Daenerys Targaryen- Many see her as an Aries but I have to respectfully disagree. Daenerys is a Scorpio in my opinion. Remember, Scorpio is honorary fire. She was literally “reborn from the ashes”. A Phoenix, Scorpio’s final form. She went from a silent and meek girl to a skilled and commanding Empress. Unlike Arians, she did not jump headfirst into battle. It took many arrows in her dragons, many slights to her ego, copious council from her advisors, dozens of her loved ones lost for her to go nuclear. Like her father, she hungered for power, a very Scorpionic trait. However she, unlike her father, listened to reason [Jorah, Tyrion, and Barristan Selmy]. She had a long fuse until she didn’t, and then that’s when she rained fire and blood on everyone in King’s Landing. She was skilled at retribution and was unapologetic with it *cough* the Tarleys *cough*.. Unlike Arians who pop off at the drop of a hat, she gave her enemies fair warning if/when they crossed her.

Arya Stark- You already know what it is with this one. Arya is pretty much death [Pluto], personified. Stealthy. A tactician. VENGEFUL. I think we all fist-pumped when she served Filch Walder Frey his sons in that pie. Never forgets a slight. Keeps a list of people who’ve wronged her [All Scorpios can probably relate]. You never see her coming. She is “no-one”. She is the assassin that slips through the back. She may seem calm at first but trust that she has been planning your downfall for a while. LOYAL. The definition of a Scorpio.

Melisandre- Dark. Mysterious. Unafraid of the occult. So much of her life is unknown and I’m sure that’s how she preferred it. Even her Lord of light was mysterious. Strong supernatural abilities and highkey psychic. Knew immediately how many “eyes” Arya would “close.” Had ties to the underworld which is demonstrated with her ability to resurrect the dead. Came through at the clutch in the last battle wielding fire [Mars] with her witchcraft. It’s no secret that Scorpios are some of the most skilled in sorcery.

Sagittarius

Missandei- Exotic. From Naath which is an island just above the mysterious continent of Sothoryos. A world traveler. Lucky enough to escape slavery [until the end]. Jupiter's influence is here in my opinion because she is so kind and friendly. Also a polyglot and gifted with the ability to speak 19 languages. Her fire is seen at the end of the series when she tells her best friend “Dracarys”-- meaning “fire” in High Valyrian. She isn’t afraid to call wrath down on others.

Olenna Tyrell- Loud, unapologetically blunt, zero-filter, feisty. Olenna to me is the definition of Sagittarius. Always speaks her mind. Clap back queen. Will call you out. Was also quite promiscuous in her younger years. Very charismatic and extremely likable despite her penchant for saying whatever was on her mind.

Capricorn

Tywin Lannister- I can’t see the patriarch of the most notorious family in Westeros being anything other than a Capricorn. Methodical. Structured. Business-minded. Karmic [A "Lannister always repays his debts"] Cold. Cruel. Unfeeling. Like Saturn, he is the father figure. Basically ran the 7 Kingdoms for Aerys, [which was probably why the latter was so salty towards him.] Always has a plan. The man you want in charge if we’re strictly talking about law and order. Vindictive [had the mountain kill Elia because Rhaegar rejected Cersei.] He’s the ultimate son-of-a-bitch.

Jon Snow- Brooding hero that he is, Bae Jon Snow is without a doubt a Capricorn in my eyes. Duty-bound. Serious. A leader in his own right. Could also be cold and unfeeling in terms of distributing karmic justice. Lest we forget the “fetch-me-a-block” situation with Janos Slynt. In addition, the moment he was resurrected he took vengeance against the black brothers who betrayed him. Saturn, Like Pluto, is all about karmic justice. The beating he put on Ramsey after The Battle of the Bastards was one thousand percent a karmic beating. A proper lover as well, according to Ygritte, Jon also knew how to handle himself in the bedroom, a trait very akin to Capricorns.

Aquarius

Bran Stark- I thought about making Bran a Pisces, but then I changed my mind. Remember Uranus rules sudden insights and hardcore psychic receptivity. It also rules sudden and unexpected catastrophes or surprises/ sudden breaks. Bran suffered a literal “tower” moment at the beginning of the series which resulted in his psychic powers developing. Once he became the three-eyed raven, he became very detached from the world.

Grey Worm- Aquarius is also androgynous. Grey Worm is a eunuch. He is always down to fight for a cause though, specifically his queen’s. Cares about others, specifically Missandei, and was seen towards the latter season speaking up for the Unsullied against the slavers. Fierce combatant but also very detached. His job is his job.

Pisces

Jaqen H’ghar- Much like Neptune, Pisces’ ruler Jaqen has a mysterious and illusive personality. He wears “many faces”. Skilled at illusion and very very intuitive. Has a soft side though which is clearly seen with how he treats Arya. Hardly ever flies off the handle. Calm. Cool. Collected.

Hodor- Sweet and gentle giant, Hodor is a Pisces to me. Affected by psychic trauma, it’s revealed why “Hodor” is the only thing he can say. Calm. A bit of a baby. Caring. Easily adaptable [think of all the terrain he carried Bran through]

Eddard Stark- I don't care what anyone says, Ned stark to me represents the most developed form of a Pisces. Like the Hanged-Man in Tarot that represents sacrifice and which Neptune Rules, he willingly sacrificed his reputation as honorable for his sister, Lyanna. He later sacrifices himself for his children when he died at Joffrey’s [little bitch] command. He is wise. Though appears cold, he is actually a well of feeling and caring. Unfortunately, he also suffered from the naivety of Neptunian influence which is why he wasn’t very skilled at the Game of Thrones, which calls for more tactical ruthlessness. Pisceans however also have the rage of Poseidon flowing through their veins [which people like to forget]. This was displayed when he pinned Petyr Baelish to the Wall in King’s Landing for daring to dishonor Cat by inviting her into a Brothel. RIP, King Stark.

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sage-nebula · 6 years

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What do you think of the direction the Pokemon anime is taking on Lusamine? They are trying to make her more sympathetic and she don't seen to be abusive. I feel conflicted because will they are whitewashing the only female villain, they are also going into to the USUM route without the unfortunate implications.

Well, first, before anything—I mean no offense, but I just feel that you should know for future usage that “making a villain out to be a good person” is not the correct use of the term “whitewashing.”

“Whitewashing” is a very specific term which relates to portraying a character of non-white ethnicity as white in adaptations of the original work. So for instance, the characters Katara and Sokka were whitewashed in the live action film adaptation of Avatar: The Last Airbender, because although they have dark skin in the original cartoon, they were played by white actors. The character Yagami Light was whitewashed in the recent Netflix film adaptation of the series Death Note, because although he is originally a Japanese character, he was portrayed by a white actor and his name was changed to Light Turner, and so on and so forth. “Whitewashing” applies specifically to the depiction of race (and sometimes culture) within media adaptations, and doesn’t at all refer to the heroics or villainous traits present within the characters. Again, I don’t mean to call you out on this or attack you or anything even remotely close to that, but I just thought you should know for the future, since there are some reactionary people on this website who might get a little more volatile about it, even though it’s just an honest mistake on your part.

As for the actual content of your question: It’s complicated.

First, before anything else, it needs to be said that Lusamine is still abusive in USUM. Gladion’s line about how he was “an ornament to [his] mother” is still in tact, as is all of the verbal abuse she hurls at Lillie and Gladion right there on screen when you confront her at Aether Paradise. I actually transcribed this while playing through that scene last night, so I can share that now:

LUSAMINE: “A gifted young trainer like [player] … and they bother with someone like you? How disappointing. […] My … you do say such imcomprehensible things. Calling me mother? I don’t have any children! Certainly not any wretched children who would run off and reject my love! So tell me how you’ll save that pokémon. What can you do, Lillie? You failed to convince me to listen to you. You don’t even have the strength of a trainer. The only thing that you’ve ever done on your own is steal someone else’s research material! It’s so terribly unattractive. But know that my fathomless love will save even someone like you … when I protect this entire world from darkness!”

The very first thing the player witnesses Lusamine saying to Lillie, her daughter, is that it’s disappointing that the player has “bothered” with someone like Lillie. The fact that Lusamine takes the time to point out that the player is gifted hammers in the point that she feels that Lillie is not. By saying that the player is a gifted trainer bothering with Lillie, Lusamine is—in essence—saying that Lillie is not worth their time. She is not good enough for the player. She is worthless. Given that this is the first thing we witness Lusamine saying to Lillie—and that this is the first time they’ve even spoken in person in some time—we can see right off the bat that she’s an abusive mother.

But she doesn’t stop there. When Lillie tries to defend herself by saying that she doesn’t need Lusamine’s approval, and that she will save Nebby, Lusamine says that she says “incomprehensible things”. This ostensibly applies to everything Lillie just said, but Lusamine decides to drive the nail in further by disowning her (and Gladion, though not by name), saying that she doesn’t have any children, and that the children she does have by blood are wretched children who rejected her. Even if you wanted to argue that Lusamine is just lashing out in anger and rejecting those who she perceives rejected her first, the truth of the matter is that Lusamine is the adult. She is their mother. She is supposed to love and support them, and do the right thing, which she has not done. She treats them, as Gladion tells us, like objects and possessions, and when they don’t behave the way she wants them to, she throws them out and blames them for how poorly she treats them. This is emotional abuse.

And again, she doesn’t stop there! She continues to berate and belittle Lillie right in front of the player character, to the point where Lillie ends up bowing her head in shame and hurt. She blames Lillie for her own refusal to listen to or acknowledge Lillie’s concerns, saying that it’s Lillie’s responsibility to convince her rather than her own responsibility to listen. She insults Lillie for not being a trainer, and calls her a thief (while at the same time reducing Nebby to an object, calling him “research material”). She then goes on to call her unattractive, and to say that she’s going to save someone like [Lillie], once again pointing out that she sees Lillie as the lowest of the low without directly saying that. All of this is verbal and emotional abuse. All of it. It’s extremely realistically written, something I can say from personal life experiences with my own biological mother, and it is high-key abusive.

And then, shortly after that, we get:

HAU: “:Daughter? Son? Wait … you all are a family?!”

LUSAMINE: “Perhaps once we were … sweet Hau. But those wretches beside you left me.”

She straight up once again says that Gladion and Lillie are no longer ones she considers family, and calls them wretches on top of it. (Note that, despite the fact that Lusamine says this to Hau, Hau still calls her “a good person” later. Have I mentioned how much my opinion of Hau has plummeted by this point?) Despite the fact that her intention now is to save the world, and despite the fact that she has moments where she does things like call Gladion “a sweet boy” for seemingly worrying for her, it’s more than evident that Lusamine is every bit as abusive toward her children in USUM as she was in SM. If anything, Lusamine changing her tune only when her children seem to care about her is even more indicative that she’s an abuser. Abusers will act nice and sweet toward their victims when their victims “behave”; it’s when they start to “step out of line” that abusers bring down the hammers of pain, and that’s exactly what Lusamine is doing here. Oh sure, she’ll act like a sweet, caring mother if her children are doing what she wants them to do, but the second they try to think or act for themselves she declares them wretched traitors that she wants nothing to do with. Considering the last conversation I had with my own biological mother ended with her calling me a traitor because I got out of her house (and me saying I didn’t have to listen to that, and her saying I did, and me saying I didn’t before I hung up the phone), yeah, that’s all very familiar to me, and it is absolutely abusive.

So make no mistake: Lusamine is still an abusive mother, and is still the most realistically written abusive parent that we’ve had in Pokémon to date (far more so than Ghetsis, whose dialogue makes him sound more cartoonish than anything). Even though the anime is clearly looking to adapt USUM, that shouldn’t affect the fact that Lusamine is an abusive parent to Gladion and Lillie, because she is. The only real difference is that here it doesn’t seem as if her abuse is being blamed on Nihilego toxins; instead, it’s just being handwaved and treated as though it isn’t abuse at all (along with Lillie’s experiences pre-canon being erased, since we no longer have the, “… you left me alone with Mother. She became so bad after you left!” line that she delivers to Gladion on Poni Island in the original games). And honestly, that’s kind of even worse, since now the fandom’s awful behavior of ignoring / downplaying Lusamine’s abuse and excusing her because she’s a woman is being validated by Game Freak themselves. Disgusting.

With all of that said, I would argue that Lusamine’s behavior still carries shades of emotional abuse in the anime as well. It’s clear from the few interactions that she has with Lillie that she doesn’t actually respect Lillie’s autonomy or agency very much at all. She ignores Lillie’s personal space, and handwaves the fact that Lillie is upset being hugged and cuddled by her. She also completely disrespected Lillie’s wishes regarding her old clefairy, treating Lillie as though she was an ignorant child and evolving the clefairy despite the fact that she knew Lillie wanted to raise the clefairy as a clefairy, rather than as a clefable. Whether Lusamine was right in that it was illogical to raise a pokémon in a pre-evolved form simply because it was cuter that way or not is irrelevant. The point is that she railroaded over Lillie’s wishes and boundaries, and she seems to have a habit of doing so. That said, you’re right: That is far less overt than the emotional abuse she hurls at Lillie and Gladion in the games, so it does seem as though they’re treating her as though she’s just an oblivious, overbearing mother rather than an actively abusive one in the anime.

As for how I feel about it? Well … I would think that would be obvious.

I’m livid at the way Lusamine has been handled in all forms. I was so, so excited to finally have a female Big Bad, and I had so many high expectations for her. Game Freak and TPCi have successfully ruined and destroyed every last one of them. In USUM, which the anime is clearly taking its cues from, she’s not even a villain anymore; she’s an antihero at best, because although she clearly abuses her children and is willing to sacrifice Nebby, her decision to sacrifice Nebby is not one borne out of selfishness, but rather is one borne out of perceived necessity. If Necrozma comes over to this dimension, he’ll steal the light, and presumably everyone and everything there will die. Lusamine is taking the tack that sacrificing one life is worth it if it means saving billions. That’s logic that can’t be easily argued with. It’s an ethical dilemma, and ethical dilemmas often don’t have hard line right or wrong answers. (Often, but not always. There are some “ethical dilemmas” which aren’t ethical dilemmas at all and do have hard line right or wrong answers.) They’ve completely stripped her of her villain status, presumably because in their minds women just can’t be villains. (And by “their” I mean “Game Freak’s”, because remember, the anime staff did have Hunter J back in DP.) It’s upsetting and infuriating both on the basis that I really wanted a competent, dangerous female Big Bad for once, and also because she’s still a blatantly abusive mother in the games, and that’s just treated as if it doesn’t matter. I guess, in the eyes of Game Freak (and a large part of the fandom) abuse just doesn’t count or isn’t that bad if it comes from one’s mother. What a great fucking message to send. [/s]

Anyway, I’m not happy about it, but there’s also nothing I can do to change it. So long as Alan is left out of the Team Rainbow Rocket arc coming up (or at the very least, if he’s involved, he doesn’t have his character assassinated), I don’t have it in me to get very worked up about it, emotionally.

#white-gehenna

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the-sapphire-general · 7 years

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My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 2)

There was originally going to be just one part about what I think and feel about Sephiroth, but it turns out I have more to say than I thought I did. You can say I'm passionate about Sephiroth. Not a day goes by without at least thinking about him several times. Lol Anyway, if you haven't read my previous post, here's the link because I will describe things I have said in the first part in more detail.

My Thoughts and Feelings About Sephiroth (Part 1)

As I mentioned before, I can identify with Sephiroth. At first I didn't consider him an idol considering how different we are, but I realized about the similarities we have, even if those similarities can be different. I hate mentioning my former friend, but she used to be someone that took advantage of me, a lot of the time without my knowledge. So I know how Sephiroth must have felt after discovering that everyone lied to him about his origins. Now his situation was extreme compared to mine, but the key thing is we were both betrayed somehow. It's difficult to handle, and we both took it hard, with Sephiroth taking it farther than me. Betrayal, whether big or small or somewhere in between the two, isn't pleasant, especially if those who betray you are people you thought you could trust. I know what that's like, and it's not an easy thing to just brush off as if it were nothing.

To further prove how Sephiroth and I are similar is our personality traits. For starters, we are both quiet. Now it's hard to tell online if someone is shy or outgoing, but believe me, I'm one quiet girl. I'm real timid in real life. I don't think Sephiroth was timid, and I bet he was just sheltered growing up. Be honest. Hojo sucked as a father, and Sephiroth wasn't treated like a human being. So Sephiroth may have been socially awkward, which can appear as timidity or coldness. I'm timid and I can get a bit anxious, but I hide it really well. I'm not a social butterfly, and neither is Sephiroth, but that doesn't mean I'm purposefully ignoring others. It's just I'm not good at socializing. I am socially awkward myself and people have to get to know me to know the real me. Others saw Sephiroth as cold and distant, but they didn't even try to get to know him. Angeal Hewley and Genesis Rhapsodos saw past this and became his friends. Sadly others see me as cold and distant as well, and to be honest it hurts. I bet it bothered Sephiroth as well. Or maybe he didn't care, I don't know. I'll believe that it did bother him. Of course, despite our shortcomings, Sephiroth and I do have friends (well, Sephiroth used to have friends). I may struggle to be social, but I can bond with others. I mean, hello! I have my boyfriend, his friends, my family, my own friends, and my online friends. Sephiroth had a few close friends, but at least it's something. Angeal and Genesis. I swear, if things didn't get so screwed up, they would have been best friends forever. Heck, Zack could have been a great friend to Sephiroth if he was given the opportunity. In a way, they could have helped Sephiroth back in Nibelheim, but the damage is already done.. What I'm trying to say is I understand this real well because I've been there. It just makes me want to give Sephiroth a hug and possibly a kiss to comfort him and let him know that I care. Though he might be annoyed by my affection. Lol

The next similarity we have is we're intelligent. Unfortunately a lot of people don't see me as intelligent, but Sephiroth's intelligence is what has me striving to prove to others that I am all while improving my own intelligence. They just see me as a girl with average intelligence and I was once accused of being an idiot. I wonder if Sephiroth had naysayers always doubting him. Looks can be deceiving. I'm not what others claim that I am, and it's annoying. This brings me to my next point. When Sephiroth was still part of SOLDIER, others might have perceived him as so many things, which includes being cold and distant and such. I've said this already, but this isn't just assuming that someone is cold or timid or whatever personality trait. It's about others assuming things about others that may be false. Sephiroth didn't consider himself to be better than everyone else (prior to Nibelheim of course). Heck, he didn't even show interest in fame to the point that he allowed Genesis to take it, possibly unaware that he was jealous of him. Maybe he tried to do that to ease his jealousy. Though Genesis should have handled his jealousy better. Before you assume anything about a person, either get to know the person or keep it to yourself until you see who they really are. Otherwise, it can be damaging to them. It was to Sephiroth. Something tells me all those soldiers had mixed opinions about Sephiroth, many of them potentially formed out of false assumptions and simple ignorance. Okay I'm getting too deep into this due to my own personal experiences, so I will switch to the next similarity.

Sephiroth and I hate certain people. How else can I explain my former friend that I have mentioned plus other people? Although Sephiroth took it to an extreme and hates everyone, I can still relate. Now it doesn't mean I will be as destructive and cruel as Sephiroth, but I can relate. Everyone at ShinRa treated Sephiroth like an experiment without his knowledge. He was never told about his origins. He never knew his parents. Then again, never finding out that Hojo is his father is a blessing (unless he somehow found out already?). He was deceived and manipulated ever since the day he was born. Correction, he was manipulated BEFORE he was born! He has the right to hate those who mistreated him. However, that doesn't justify any of the horrible things he did. Now my case is nothing compared to Sephiroth's since I was simply deceived by certain people, but my dislike for them is reasonable. Seriously, who would be able to let someone pretend to be your friend only to harm you emotionally and verbally, try to control you, spread lies about you, and basically destroy you? That's what my former friend did, and I hate her. All the bullies I've encountered throughout school? I hate them too. But that doesn't mean I would try to hurt them back because that wouldn't make me any better than them. I was given one opportunity to tell off my former friend online after I cut off contact for years. I told her to get well because she was sick, but she was getting better. She insulted me, not directly, but she did imply it. I was furious. But what did I do? I kept my mouth shut, told her to have a good life, and bid her farewell. Telling her everything that she made me feel and how much I loathe her would have only caused trouble, and the last thing I need is for her to stalk me online or try to pick a fight with me since she's freaking insane. She got angry over tiny things, physically assaulted someone just for being rude, as in getting into a conversation between the skank and someone else. Like what the fuck?! She could have told him to wait until she was finished. She was not psychologically well in my opinion, but I'm not one to confirm it because I'm not a psychologist. I thought she had changed but I was wrong. All my suspicions I had about her have been confirmed. Everything. And I vowed to never speak to her ever again. So Sephiroth and I may have handled our hate differently, but it still counts as something we have in common. Looking back, I see Sephiroth as an extreme version of my hate, anger, and pain, making me picture what I would have been like if I had taken it too far. It's a bit terrifying for me to imagine, and I am glad that I have more good inside me.

Now the next thing is something that still affects me to this day, and it's this. Sephiroth and I have felt like we were different, that we didn't belong anywhere. Having an identity crisis isn't fun, and Sephiroth is proof of that. He's not like everyone else. He's the only one with long silver hair and green cat-like eyes, he's part-alien, he's the strongest of all, and he always felt different because of this. I feel like I'm different because I'm not as outgoing as many people, I get worried about what others think of me, I'm not as confident in myself and my talents, and people don't pay attention to a wallflower like me. So I'm trying to improve myself and find my own place where I belong. Sephiroth found his, albeit in a rather dark way, but I have yet to find myself. But I know I will soon, and I have loved ones who can help me.

With all of this that I've said so far, Sephiroth means a lot to me. He means a lot to me more than I thought, and just by typing this, I'm realizing that he's a character that I love and admire in the exact same level as Sonic the Hedgehog. And as silly as it may sound, I get defensive when others talk smack about my favorite fictional characters like Sephiroth. Why? Because he's someone that I can identify with, regardless of the myriad of contrasting characteristics that we have. Opposites attract!

Now what else I wish to talk about related to Sephiroth...Well, there's his current self. I can hear those that say he's a cruel bastard that will kill you at first glance in milliseconds. My boyfriend and his friends think so. Well, you know what? It's bullshit. If that were true, then why didn't he kill Zack, Tifa, and Cloud immediately? Why didn't he kill Cloud and his team right away during numerous points in the game (other than the fact he needed Cloud to get the Black Materia for him)? Because he's not just a one-track mindless killing machine! This may be an unpopular opinion, but really, Sephiroth doesn't go just "Kill kill kill! Stab stab stab!". You kiss him on the cheek, stab. You compliment him on his looks, stab. You try to join him in his cause, stab. You try to have small talk, STAB! It's boring, predictable, and annoying. Do you really think I would do that on my Sephiroth blog? I would have grown tired of it! I deleted the posts about this, but do you want to know how many characters, users, or whatever I've had Sephiroth kill in roleplays???........One. That's right. One, a character that a friend roleplays as here on Tumblr, in a span of....a year-and-a-half, I think? If I had followed the "logic" of Sephiroth the utterly mindless killing machine and does nothing else, I would have had him impale over 1000 characters, users, anons, etc., maybe 10,000. You get my point.

This sort of thing strips everything about Sephiroth. He's cunning, arrogant, and manipulative, so of course I would have to implement that in his interactions if I want him to harm or kill a character, for example. And in some cases, I portray Sephiroth as just being intimidating, mistrustful, and bitter towards characters. In others, he is intrigued by who he's talking to, and he shows a range of emotions (as long as they fit him). I make him multidimensional. Really, try portraying Sephiroth as just a killing machine and nothing else and see how long it takes for you to get tired of taking out tons of people's muses in split seconds. I'm sorry if this portion became somewhat of a rant but it has been bugging me. Moving on to another Sephiroth subject.

Ahhhh, the theories. I almost forgot about them. Let's see, the lab rat theory is kind of possible, but ShinRa didn't blatantly abuse him. Otherwise, Sephiroth would have had serious psychological issues prior to Nibelheim. If he had endured severe physical and psychological abuse, he wouldn't be calm and collected. Of course he was abused to a degree, but the thing is he didn't know he was abused. He had no idea ShinRa used him as just a tool. That's clever of them. Cruel and despicable, but clever. They had to be discreet or else Sephiroth would have questioned their motives early on or tried to get away from them. Sephiroth was their puppet, which does explain why he referred to Cloud as his puppet. If others manipulated him to screw him over, he will do the same back at them. Sephiroth basically gave them a taste of their own medicine. Unfortunately, he takes it out on the whole planet. Think about it, though. He was deceived and manipulated by others, and this is his way of showing others that he will never allow himself to be controlled by anyone anymore. And this brings me to the next theory.

Jenova possessing Sephiroth is a famous theory and I don't blame people for believing and supporting this. I confess that I used to believe this theory as well, but as I looked back at the events of Crisis Core and Final Fantasy 7, it doesn't make sense. First of all, after being used by an evil company his entire life, why would Sephiroth allow himself to be controlled by an alien that arrived to the Planet millennia ago? Yes, he was at the library at ShinRa Manor for a week reading endlessly about his origins without sleeping, and possibly eating or drinking anything. Obviously that must have left him vulnerable, but I don't believe Sephiroth would have been brainwashed easily. He was controlled by ShinRa, and he wasn't going to allow anyone else to control him again, especially Jenova. Sephiroth was the one who controlled her, not the other way around. If Jenova had gained control, that would undermine Sephiroth's reputation as the main antagonist of FF7. He is the villain, the real villain, not Jenova. Sephiroth burned down Nibelheim. Sephiroth killed many people. Sephiroth killed Aeris (or Aerith) in FF7. Sephiroth summoned Meteor to injure the Planet in order to absorb its life stream to become a god. Sephiroth created the Remnants to achieve his goal to claim the Planet as his own, become an unstoppable god, and bring despair to those who stand in his way. It's all Sephiroth. And besides, Jenova is a parasite. I doubt she would have planned all of this before trying to destroy the planet. I also doubt she's even alive. Sephiroth is the master of his ongoing desire to take back what he believes is his planet, conquer it as a god, and destroy anyone who stands in his way.

Alright then, this post has gone long enough. Now I'm not sure if this is all I have to say about Sephiroth. Well, I assumed that I did’t have much else to say in the previous post, and look! Here's another one. I like doing this sort of thing. It makes me feel good and I just love Sephiroth. I could go on forever if I want, but I’ll end it here. I hope you liked this and if there’s any more things that I haven’t said here, I’ll make sure to do a third part.

#sephiroth #final fantasy 7 #part 2

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