#and ik how people in the community his/my age can be and i just don't want them to go thru what i did | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

my-castles-crumbling · 8 days

Note

hi! can I ask you for a bit of advice?

I'm going on a cruise with my mom, my grandma, and my grandma's friend. The cruise is offering LGBTQ+ meetups and I really wanna go but theres a couple of problems:

biggest one: I'm not out like AT ALL to anyone and I reallllllly don't plan on changing that. Like I won't get hate crimed if I come out but my mom and grandma won't understand and my grandma's friend is a horrific gossip and I don't wanna be the newest hot topic in her friend group, especially since she talks to OTHER people in my family and might gossip about me to them too. So basically I'm worried about getting caught at the meetup and having to explain what I'm doing there/getting outed.

medium one: it's a cruise to countries I've never been to (UK and France) and while I know the queer scene is definitely pretty big in London, cruises tend to attract people from around the world as well as the 50+ age group, which might have... different opinions. so I'm a little nervous cause I don't really know what the culture and acceptance level will really be.

medium one: I'm aroace and tbh I've not had great experiences with queer friends in the past? in my last queer friend group I was the only aroace and also the youngest which probably didn't help but idk I was just really uncomfy a lot of the time cause there was a LOT of sex talk even though I said I wasn't really comfy talking about that. ik it was just that one experience and not everyone will be like that but sometimes I feel like a lot of queer events and communities cater more toward the LGB and sometimes T while leaving out the QIA+.

small one: I'm 19 and I feel like there's not gonna be a lot of people my age there. like I said the cruise demographic is mostly the over 50s and a couple families with young kids. I'm probably overthinking this? You might be able to tell I'm a bit of an over thinker in general haha

anyways thanks for hearing me out!

Hi!

For your big concern: I would hope that you wouldn’t get caught at the meeting because like…anyone who sees you there is also queer, you know? You can also lie and say you didn’t know that it was. I see your concern but I would hope that there’s discretion involved. Is there any way for you to walk by the place it’s being held and see how public it is? Like how easy it would be to see you there? That could help!

For your medium and small concerns: I would hope that a queer space that is purposely queer would be accepting and have lots of different ages. People who aren’t accepting probably wouldn’t go, you know? I understand what you mean about queer spaces being heavy on the LBG, but I think it might be worth it to at least go and see the vibes. You can always leave! I honestly think it’s a cool opportunity, and it’s not like you would be stuck if you went. Drop by, see how it is, and if it’s awkward or you feel caught, have some excuses ready. “Oh, I forgot I have plans” “oh, I didn’t realize what this is, I’m sorry” it’s okay to lie if you’re uncomfortable or put in a difficult spot.

But yeah I’d encourage you to at least check it out!

Naming you cruise anon!

#asks #ask #ask cas #cruise anon

5 notes · View notes

hinderr · 5 months

Note

i miss wren farvo btw do you have like . any lore about him before nature/nurture happened? like what was he like when he was a kid and where did he live and how was his relationship with samirah and who was his buire, etc etc i wanna know 👀

OLLYYYYYYY if there's anyone i can trust to be a wren farvo enjoyer ik it's you fr fr. funnily enough there actually used to be a wren-centric nurture chapter that like, explored exactly his lore lmao. the chapter involved themes I wasn't ready to write about however (like, I realised I wasn't the right person/didnt have enough experience with them) so I scrapped that chapter in the end. i can give you the lore aspects though! (cut off because, long as fuck)

(also this will make sense in the further context of the post, but I didn't feel comfortable putting these links under the readmore lmao)

palestine masterlist by palipunk

fundraiser for Yousef, a photojournalist in Gaza

esims!! they need those!! help them out

basically though the rundown was that; wren was adopted by his buir at a young age, after the Purge (young enough that he doesn't remember his previous life, not that he particularly cares to look). also, Wren doesn't remember this, but he was actually adopted first before Samirah (Samirah was older, and thus ended being the older sister anyway) (Samirah also doesn't bother reminding Wren about this, if only to avoid his gloating)

the two only had the one parent, the sole survivor of the Farvo clan after the Purge. It, obviously, left their parent in...a state. i never went around to properly naming their parent, since in the chapter Wren only ever called them 'Buir'. then again given the fact that they were living with a covert back then, the atriarch of clan Farvo probably didn't give their name out anyway.

oh yeah okay so; in the nature/nurture verse, after the Purge, Din's covert wasn't the only covert out there. survivors splintered off into many, many small coverts, most of them isolated from one another and thinking they were the only ones. at most, one covert would be aware of one other covert that survived (and usually, to the best of their ability, try to merge coverts to reassemble their numbers). each covert had a different approach to making through the galaxy, particularly Wren's covert not instilling the 'dont take your helmet off' rule

the themes that i mentioned the chapter having was basically; what it'd be like, growing up as a child of a dead people, and what it'd be like when your parent is a survivor of a genocide. how that'd affect them, and affect you and your family, and how hard it'd be to connect to a culture and a community that was ripped brutally out of your hands before you could even speak. wren farvo, essentially, grew up in a graveyard, with his parent haunted by the ghosts of a family he never got to meet, mourning for a home he never got to see. that Wren was essentially a genocide survivor himself, and how he'd struggle to come to terms with his identity as a Mandalorian when it seems the entire galaxy wants him dead

then I started writing the chapter, realised how similar it was to the very real Palestinian genocide going on right now, and proper realised the depth and weight and importance of how I was going to convey this story. i tried my best for a couple passages, but eventually though i realised that, as of now, it's better if I just...don't. not yet, at the very least. regrettably Im not the best person to write about this, i just don't know enough, and i wasn't going to take a bite out of something i couldn't chew so, whoops! into the deleted scenes doc they go. maybe one day I'll pick it up again

back to Wren Farvo lore however !! his parent passed in the way many mandalorians pass during those times, having caught off guard and alone by a group of one too many beskar-hungry thieves. it was a pretty dark and awful time for the Farvo clan, but they thankfully had the rest of the covert to keep them going. Samirah became matriarch of the Farvos, and Wren became the lighthearted grounding force that balanced out her seriousness. they kept each other in check, one from sinking into the burdens of responsibility and duty, and the other from a recklessness that would eventually kill him. when Samirah adopted Jeliaya, it only brought them closer together, jeliaya basically being a promise for the clan's continued existence

as this is all happening, wren's covert had managed to meet with Din's old covert (Din himself not being around, still searching for the kid). together, and with Bo-Katan's crew after a while, they banded and started searching for more survivors. the heads of the coverts (+ bo) eventually realised how easily dwarf planets flew under nearly every radar. then they found the dwarf planet where they settled and struck peace with the locals. for about a decade they settled in, digging tunnels of their own and carving out spaces for themselves in the planet itself. Wren stayed close with his sister and his niece the entire time, having no reason to be anywhere else

but being able to live on that dwarf planet, though - being able to walk out in the sun in relative peace definitely did wonders for everyone's mental health. for the first time they had a planet again, however small. Samirah's work thrived, especially when she started communicating with the local doctors. Jeliaya grew healthy and at peace, her safety mostly assured. Wren did...Wren things, helping out everywhere he could

a lot of that involved him being part of the force that stood against the Dark Troopers; Wren was one of the first few that devised defensive plans, figured out their weaknesses, convincing the Armourer(s) that beskar weapons were, against this enemy, quite necessary since it's one of the few materials that can tear through the Dark Trooper's armour (which is why she never made Din melt down his spear in this 'verse. that, and also I'm a beskar-spear enjoyer at heart). one such mission brought him and his sister to this Imperial fort, where they met Din for the first time!!

meeting Din, Wren's first immediate thought is 'woah, this guy's fucked' and after learning that he's still looking for the kid he lost about 7-8 years ago, came up with the nickname "Or'trikar". for the grief that he exuded like a physical aura, and for the tightness of Wren's own chest whenever he so much as looked at him. Wren and Din grew closer, mostly due to Wren being...Wren and generally clingy to the people he's trying to impress. it works on Din, who ended up viewing Wren as a younger brother

Din definitely wouldn't think so, but to the Farvos it's obvious that for that time, Din was practically one of them. An honourary Farvo, if nothing else. he was practically Jeliaya's second uncle, and he came around to the Farvo residence pretty often, thanks to Wren refusing to let the guy stew in his own room and his own or'trikar

about two years pass, and Wren and Din get paired together to find the source of all those Dark Troopers, and to scout out how to cut the production off at its root. they find the biggest, freshest clue they've had in all their years and Wren, antsy and excited, decided to go on a solo hunt to burn off steam instead of going home. Din pointed him in the direction of where he last left the Razor Crest, and Wren found it (neglected, dusty, but still usable; something something, nothing grand, just a means to an end) and used it to fly around for a bit

unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you see it) the tracker that Gideon put on that ship was still there, and still active. Wren ends up being captured and thrown into an Imperial prison, where he meets this strange kid through the vents who insists on calling himself Asset

and then the rest is history

#i like how long this got lmfao also by the time I finished writing this I sorta sat back and went 'hm. is wren farvo like. palestinian'#ily ollyyy hope youre doing well!! mwahmwah #christ i just scrolled up. ough those are so many words. whoops #study on nature and nurture #hinderr asks #apollos-olives #olly !!#by the way definitely go check out those links I posted ☝️☝️☝️ if you're affected by fictional star war characters' plight then you oughtta #be doubly so by the real people going through real fucked up shit #that said also; if you're somehow reading this AND a zionist I hope you know Wren Farvo hates you #the mandalorian #edit: OH. WREN FARVO IS ONE OF THE FEW CHARACTERS I MAKE THAT DIDNT HAVE FUCKING DADDY ISSUES. maybe there's hope for me after all lmao #(burcyan doesn't count. burcyan has daddy issues. in a sense)#(<- should really finish that fucking chapter ough)

5 notes · View notes

bonesandthebees · 1 year

Note

So overall thoughts. Damn what a painful chapter. It dragged a lot to the surface. There’s a lot of shifting. The toxicity and co-dependency is really starting to rear it’s head. Someone save these boys it not healthy.

I’m not sure how to feel about Tommy right now. Like as a character he’s a lot of fun to analyse. He’s beautifully morally complex and a little fucked up. Probably the most fucked up Tommy of yours I’ve read. Which is starting to make me worried. I’m not sure if Wilbur needed to be pushed as far as Tommy pushed him this chapter. Definitely not as soon. Then again who knows when she might make progress otherwise. It’s the age-old struggle of making progress, not how you are supposed to do it to be healthy, but in a way that somehow still seems to work. Though there will be consequences.

Wilbur is a lot of fun too. I really need to start paying more attention to the name shifts because I keep missing most of them on my first read. Also, I’m very much neglecting analysis the bird metaphor, but I do love it. It’s a very good representation of Wilbur’s emotions as something he doesn’t really control but can’t fully repress. It’s essentially his subconscious or inner self screaming at it. It’s ‘Wilbur’ trying to communicate and get out. It’s a Phoenix getting stoked to live again and trying to rise from its own ashes. Reawakening the embers after all these years.

Once more question, cuz I just realised I forgot to put it in the actual ask. Did Wilbur realise Tommy’s tendency to make decisions for other people beforehand or was it more the pieces snapping into place because of how hard Tommy was pushing him?

That is all, for now. Banger chapter as always, Bee. I had a blast, and a decent chunk of energy and free time this time around (as you can tell by my truckload of asks). Have a great day everyone! I’m going to bed.

(10/10)

-🌲

honestly I think glass!tommy might be my favorite iteration of tommy i've written yet (at least in wilbur pov fics) precisely bc of how fucked up he is. he's so flawed and it's so fun to dig into. one of my favorite character traits of c!tommy that I don't think gets explored in c!crime often enough is how possessive he is of c!wilbur. so I'm having a really fun time diving into the ugly aspects of that with glass.

would wilbur have gotten to that point on his own? possibly. but ever since tommy forcibly began calling wilbur by his name, he set up a dynamic between them where he pushes and wilbur will listen, even if he doesn't want to. wilbur is getting to a point where he doesn't know how to make progress on his own without tommy pushing him forward, and that's DEFINITELY not healthy. but glass isn't about healthy relationships lmao

the bird is such a fun metaphor tool for me to write with. it's hard though because I'm trying not to overuse it, but also how tf else am I supposed to describe wilbur's emotions when he can't accept them as his own? it's a balancing act for sure

I'd say wilbur was somewhat aware of tommy's tendency to make choices for other people before, but what really snapped it into focus was jack actually. when he saw it through the lens of tommy doing that to someone else instead of just doing it to him, he was finally able to recognize it and realize how often tommy's done that to him as well.

ty for your thoughts as always spruce!! sorry i was so late answering this and ik you've already sent me one ask about ch 17 so I can't wait to go read that :)

#ask #spruce anon #through a glass divine

8 notes · View notes

krewssleuth · 6 months

Text

＜ ✧ – 𝐅𝐀𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐘? ＞

tw: shouting, Vampire Father HATES Adopted Son?! (REAL), just a couple fighting for a bit

char: mainly funneh, gold & draco

au: vampire family (my vampire family in roblox, i think)

summary: funneh brings up the idea of letting draco go, enraging his wife.

memo: i do NOT ship funneh and gold, nor kat and kim for that matter, it's just for plot & it would be much harder for a more confusing family tree(ik they're sisters k). it was pretty rushed on my end so whatever. um, yea! part 2? maybe in hcs so it's clearer, my normal writing's needs reeaaall work

The family of five was sat at the grand dinner table, a couple chatters of how well the food was made. It was beautiful; the food tasting absolutely wonderful, the siblings laughing together, and of course the couple listening to each other talk about their day. The peace was broken when Funneh brought up the incident at the family gathering.

"He belongs here. I can't believe you are seriously caring about what people say about our family!" the blonde shouted back at her husband with a glare that was seething in poison. She knew he should have known better than to be swayed by family members he only sees twice a year, at least she thought so. In a dark and demanding tone, the vampire continued saying that the phoenix is not, nor ever will be, his son.

The children could only watch and keep their mouths shut as the argument was heating by the second. They could never understand why adults switched topics when becoming defensive about another. The couple continued firing back remarks that led to different topics: being a gold-digger, not communicating with the other partner, ignoring texts, and the list goes on.

Hot tears smeared the woman's mascara, an angry frown plastered on her face. The young boy was in shock—and fear—as he saw how fired up his mother was, not used to her enraged side. With a soft voice, he tried speaking up. "Please, Mother. Don't fight, please." Gold was only infuriated from the argument and wanted for him stay with them, with him. He sure as hell did not.

The girls had left to their rooms, used to their verbal fights. Lunar, the younger sister, instructed him to stay in the guest room till the fight cools down. She was more calm and understandable compared her elder sister. She could not lie that she did not quite like him but was humane enough not to leave him alone to fend for himself. The boy was sat on the floor, right behind the door.

Draco could hear his mother's screams of anger from the simple bedroom, small sobs leaking out. He heard as his supposed father continue to say terrible things about her, the love of his life. It was terrifying to him that a couple's bond could be damaged through one child. He teared up quietly against the door, hating himself for not being good enough to be truly accepted by his father.

The father of the household made sure she could not step over him. "Oh, please. That boy could not, nor ever will, replace him." Funneh continued, "Plus, do you know how embarrassing it was to explain to our relatives about your son at the gathering?" He was referring to the latest dinner with the extended family. The father had to end up telling half the entire extended family that the boy was adopted, and a phoenix.

The look in their eyes were a mix of shock, anger, disgust and disappointment. The older man was embarrassed and ashamed to have even let her adopt a son just based on the fact that he resembled their first boy who died from vampire hunters at the age of four.

The argument went for an hour until Gold put an end to it by saying that the whole family had to stay together, and she refuses to be anywhere without Draco. The father of the family could not bite back on his words and also did not want for his wife to leave. Therefore, the two came to an agreement of allowing the boy to stay as long as he does not cause trouble.

Oh, bless the boy's heart for he would definitely need all the luck he can get, and yet, it would still be not enough to gain back the taken blessing of his father.

#dyaam #krewfic #krew #goldenglare #itsfunneh #draconitedragon #vampire family au

3 notes · View notes

itoshi-s · 1 year

Note

good LORD i caught up w neo egoist arc over the weekend n i cannot stop thinking abt the foreign players influencing bllk boys' lingo ༼;´༎ຶ.̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̸̨̨̨̨̨̨̨.̸̸̨̨۝ ༎ຶ༽ pls i rlly just wanna see more bllk bilingual content (spanish sae i will seek u out)

LIKE HEAR ME OUT! ik they got those fancy ahh transmitters for translations but u cannot tell me rin and shidou don't know a lick of french bc!!! they!!! do!!! the same way bachira knows a bit of spanish and isagi knows german!!! use this however u see fit bc im djsjajdj-ing at the thought of it >_0

DIAAAAA i am so sorry for hoarding this ask for ages akjshfak BUT it's such a good thought i rly didnt want to half ass my response and thoughts on it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YES holy shit rin def knows french :(((((( he's naturally very smart and a quick learner. combine this w his work ethic and mans just gets it within a snap of his fingers !!!!! knows just enough to hold proper conversations w his sponsors or management or anyone else rly !!! when he transfers to another country, he takes a few weeks to focus on studying and gets the general idea v quickly, by the end of his career he'll operate, like, 5 languages with ease !!!!!!!

SHIDOUUUUU WHAT THE FUCK ?????!@ ! Ohhhhhhh please the way i didn't expect that but it DOES make sense in a way !!! 😭 learns just bc his management is giving him a hard time abt it, but then sees that girls go insane whenever he speaks french :0 idk he might seem like a bit of a dummy to some but ik this mans just lazy. if he doesn't see the appeal in doing something then why even bother ????? but yum oh gosh this is such a nice idea

YEP YEP BACHISAGI ... please they def do akjfaskjf it takes them a bit more time actually ( cause we've seen how hopeless bachira was w his english akjfsaks ) but they know just enough to communicate properly <3 bachira gets a slight habit of cussing in spanish or uses idioms frequently. it's so funny ajfkaasfjah i LOVE this man

BILINGUAL SAE ....... gaaaaawdddddd daaaamnnnnn the way the camera zooms in on him and u can make out what he's saying under his breath........ when people first realise it's spanish indeed they go INSANE and i don't blame them :( it seeps into his daily lingo as well. he's so cute i want him

#✧.* ✉ zari’s mail: diabunnies #✧˚ · . bllk #isagi ^_^#bachira <3 #sae <3 #ryusei >_<#rin my love #this was so cute i loved it babes #blue lock #bllk

5 notes · View notes

melodygatesauthor · 1 year

Note

Happy early birthday to you! May I request a Kapkan x Reader with the romantic line, "You remembered my favorite food?" It's the little things that count-

Of course, I can't ask this without giving you a gift. (or rather, questions to entertain your mind with)

We appreciate you writing for the R6s fandom, it's great to have more members that are active within the community. Your longfic of Kapkan has had me in a chokehold since November lmao. I'm a sucker for enemies to lovers. (Ik that the longfic isnt exactly this)

How long have you been into Star Wars? What brought you into it? I used to be REALLY into it years ago, though I have fallen out and perhaps I may join back in.

This one I hope you can answer, and fyi i mean NO ill judgement while asking. What makes you and others so interested in the kink of non-con? I find it hard to read when I know that others irl have trauma because of it. I know that you've clarified that it's just because it's all fiction and that you don't support it irl, but I guess I can't wrap myself around this topic? I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense, but I'd like to know and like I've said before, I am not having negative feelings to those who enjoy non-con! No one should shame you for what you like in fiction.

That being said, keep doing what you're doing and I hope that you have an amazing birthday!!!

Im aware of what I wrote is long af and im sorry-

Hi Nonnie!

Omg so much to unpack and I'm so so so excited to do that. You don't ever have to apologize to me for long asks, I like them. Answers below the cut.

I'm going to fulfill your request in a different post. I have several ahead of yours but it's on my list and I'll get to it as I go down the line. I cannot wait!

Thank you for your kind words about my longfic (The Recruit and the Hunter for others to have context)! I don't get a lot of attention here for it, probably mostly because it's AO3 exclusive, but I'll be adding it to Tumblr at some point! It's definitely a favorite of mine and I've put a lot of work into it. I would say it's enemies to lovers adjacent? lol it's got a similar feel to it! On your note about having others involved in the community, I have noticed that the writings for X Reader are scarce! There are a few of us in the community that I think are keeping it going. I hope more people will get involved!

So as far as Star Wars goes, I watched it all the way through for the first time in 2015 just before The Force Awakens came out and when I watched back then I thought nothing of it. It was good but like, it was just a series to me, nothing more. Fast forward to September 2022, I had a dream about Kylo Ren. Yes, literally had a dream about him randomly and then I couldn't stop thinking about him. (True story) I googled if people even read fanfiction anymore, and turns out THEY DO and hey, 30 years old isn't too old to read/write fanfiction (no age is, you can be 90 writing ff, just have fun). When I found out they did, I rewatched the entire Star Wars movie series again through a new lens...information gathering for fic writing. The second I saw Kylo fucking Ren coming down the gangway in TFA for the first time through this new lens....I knew I was ill. Thus sparked my Star Wars obsession and the spiraling that lead me to write for all these other fandoms, Siege included (although I've been a Siege player on and off since it came out back in...was it 2015?).

This is a great question and gets a section all on its own...

On the subject of non-con in fanfiction (please don't read if this topic is sensitive to you):

To start, I can assume that other people think like me, but as I answer this, I ask that you keep in mind that I can't exactly speak for anyone OTHER than myself. I know what I like and what I'm comfortable with and that's all I can TRULY speak on so bear that in mind as you read through my response.

There are a couple reasons I think that I enjoy non-con. I'M SPEAKING PURELY FROM A FANTASY STANDPOINT GOING FORWARD, NOT A REALITY STANDPOINT. One reason is societal. I read somewhere that it's possible people gravitate to the subject of non-con in fanfiction (primarily women in ff spaces), due to societal factors. Meaning, that women who are from more sexually oppressive countries, America being one in some ways (being primarily a Christian/Catholic country and always teaching people, again with an emphasis on women since it's more "obvious", to save it for marriage), might be more inclined to enjoy "non-con". It's thought that this is due to the idea that it's attractive to think that someone finds us so desirable that they just couldn't help themselves. Further, it's the thought that the blame, again in some ways, is removed from the woman. She didn't go out acting promiscuous, this thing just happened to her, this sexual encounter. She couldn't stop it from happening and for some people the idea of feeling desired and not being able to control that it's happening and therefore it's "guilt free" is attractive. THIS IS AGAIN FOR FICTIONAL SPACES, not REALITY. No one wants this to happen to them in real life or to happen to someone else in real life period.

The other reason is that I just enjoy the purely feral and primal urge for a big man to conquer and take what he wants. Again, not something I'd want in real life or that I'd want someone to go through, but the thought is hot to me. Man want vageen, man take vageen, it's literally that barbaric and simple. I have many kinks in fanfiction that I DON'T have in real life, and non-con is certainly one of them for this reason.

Now as far as "finding it hard to read/write because others have IRL trauma because of it", while I understand completely where you're coming from, and I'm not trying to change your mind, I encourage you to think about some things. Firstly, you are perfectly valid to feel uncomfortable reading something, and that's why I said I'm not going to try and sway your opinion. Let's just understand that first and foremost. Secondly, there are other things we read about that have caused people IRL trauma that no one shakes a fist at, murder being a big one. Just because I enjoy reading/writing a fictional murder-mystery, does that mean I don't feel bad for real people who have been murdered or family members of victims? Not at all, I feel for them, but I'm still intrigued by the story I'm reading/writing. What I find interesting, (and this isn't a reflection on YOU, there's a lot of people who think this way) is that for some reason the subject of non-con is disturbing for some, but the loss of a life (murder) is fine? That is something that I still am trying to figure out! I hope this clears it up a little?

EDITED TO ADD: It also allows lots of people a safe space to indulge in a very unsafe and downright dangerous thing. We can "experience" something horrific without actually being in real danger and it allows us to enjoy it that way.

Thanks for the great thought provoking questions! I really enjoyed this exercise! I'll get to your fic soon!!

#melody answers #anonymous

1 note · View note

thequibblah · 2 years

Note

pwp anon here and im always down to hear your thoughts about arranged marriages in the the regency time period

sure, i pontificated abt this in the DMs of no less than two people so we may as well air it out for everyone's reading pleasure/displeasure, no?

i am by no means a historian, i am simply a reader of things, and regrettably many of the things centre around english/british history. i also recently read a truly fascinating account of marriage through the ages recommended by bestie @clare-with-no-i, called marriage, a history by stephanie coontz, and i will hopefully not absolutely fuck up what i have just learned from there.

but the concept of arranged marriage with jily specifically seems to me like a misunderstanding both of what an arranged marriage means (x1000 for the regency) AND of jily's dynamic — which i've come to realise i have quite strong and dare i say particular, sticklery, text-faithful views about which i know not everyone really cares about.

so with that out of the way,

i've said this a lot of times ik. but part of the thing with AUs for me is that i feel like i have to keep some elements of jily's canonical backgrounds/dynamic. otherwise i'm not really adapting these characters to another setting, am i? and to me one of the fairly significant things is james's privilege.

in AUs i want him to either be directly confronting it (if it's that kind of story) or suggest that he has already begun to confront it, or will have to confront it eventually. this is of course not because i, like, get off on putting them on an unequal social footing — on the contrary, one of my favourite things as a jily shipper is exploring how both characters grow out of immaturity, learn not to misunderstand each other, and come to love each other.

truthfully i don't like not making james rich to preemptively smooth over any discomfort in their relationship. for one it feels tied to his ignorance and his generosity, his confidence and his insensitivity; for another discomfort is part of life and part of love. feels disingenuous to write that out tbh

you could argue that this stuff really shouldn't matter for fluff that's meant to be escapist and easy reading, to which i say yeah, fair enough, to each their own. it's not like i close out of any modern uni au fic i come across where james isn't immediately established as baby warbucks, shouting "this isn't canon-aligned!"

BUT! when we're talking period marriage, or especially "arranged" marriage, it's pretty clear that discomfort is part of the premise. like, the point is watching them get comfortable with each other over time, and it feels a bit like cheating to me to minimise the uphill battle to begin with. pretty sure everyone here is here for the lizzie-darcy, not the lily-of-means à la emma woodhouse who could really have her pick of gentlemen!

now, on to "arranged" marriage. i put this in scare quotes because really, it seems like a weird qualifier to make for certain periods of history and certain social situations, and i sometimes wonder if people know what they mean when they say arranged!

like, i'm indian. an arranged marriage doesn't mean you're trussed up in a wedding outfit and shown to your future spouse on the day of the event (...though it can, unfortunately) — that is not the chief characteristic here. what it means is your families know one another, the match is advantageous for whatever reason (you share a community, a religious subdivision, said families really get along, they think you two are suited) so the families are like "let's make this happen." love is not necessarily a factor, but then for the vast majority of human history, to our knowledge, it really hasn't been, for most marriages across rungs of society. like, my guy the farmer's son might have been fond of his neighbour's daughter, but he's still thinking about how she'll help on the farm, if she can support his trade, what she brings to this economic partnership.

because that's what it was. an economic partnership.

our notion of arranged marriage is a closer analogue for royal marriages, i think pretty much across cultures and time periods. so you are a prince and you're set up with this princess because you need her uncle's support, or her father's money, or some such.

e.g. you are henry fitzempress and you want to keep england and normandy and anjou, and to do so you have to watch out for louis, king of france. so you very smoothly marry his ex-wife, eleanor of aquitaine, because aquitaine is an immensely powerful territory and eleanor brings you that in her dowry as well as every other sort of support you might need against louis — men, arms, money, the works. done deal!

or, let's look for an example with less ~choice~: you are the future henry viii (shocking beginning given "less choice", i know) and your brother's just died, but your lowkey cheapskate dad henry vii is not keen on giving back catherine of aragon's dowry, and like, he's taken all this trouble to bring her here and make an alliance with her parents, what the fuck's the point if she's now free to go marry someone else???? and possibly build a different alliance that weakens england??? no! henry my son you will marry her now.

but notice that both people are bringing immense value to matches like this. it's the perks, not the person. it is ruinously stupid to try and arrange a match with someone (a woman, really, this goes one way) who doesn't bring you a valuable dowry, whether that's actual income, income via land (see aquitaine), or at the very least nice noble connections (see gregory cromwell, son of thomas cromwell of advisor to henry viii fame, marrying bess seymour, the sister of then-queen jane seymour. for the cromwells, a family of commoners, to connect themselves with the old aristocratic seymours and become the king's in-laws was a nice little arrangement, and of course it's good for the seymours to solidify an alliance with the up-and-up cromwells too).

a dowry, for those unfamiliar, is an inheritance kept aside for a woman that becomes an attractive incentive for her future husband, as he will eventually get that inheritance when he marries her. a dowry is not a bride price — it goes from the woman (from her father or another male relative, usually), to her husband upon marriage.

talk of dowries is all over pride and prejudice. the Big One is georgiana's dowry, which wickham has his eye on when he tries to seduce her. but note that even mrs bennet, who if i'm not wrong is the daughter of a tradesman (i.e. not gentry/nobility), has a dowry of her own settled upon her by her father at the time of her marriage, which can only be inherited by her daughters after her death. if i recall right lydia's (nonexistent) dowry is handled by darcy. this is bog-standard stuff — leaving aside implied misogyny women-are-a-burden things, the idea is that a bachelor's household is of course going to grow when he gains a wife and a family, so he's gonna need some means to settle down

or let me pick a whole 'nother example — in downton abbey, mary, the eldest daughter, basically knows she's going to marry the man who inherits her father's estate, because it's a nice way to keep it in the family (rather like the bennets wanting one of their daughters to marry mr collins). they have, in a word, an "understanding." i don't think i need to explain here, though, why mary, an heiress in her own right even if she can't inherit her father's actual property, is hardly a cinderella in need of a prince

and i think you can already see where i'm going with this + the jily socioeconomic dynamic — i just don't see a world in which james's (presumably better off) parents are like, yeah, this is the girl for you, we've set it all up, not to worry, enjoy the wedding night. put crudely, what the hell kind of leverage does lily's family have over them?

like okay, i am hard-pressed to call this "arranged" because he asked her, and she consented (given ofc the caveat that she didn't have a great deal of choice), but mr collins and charlotte is a decent example where he's kind of (cringes) "doing her a favour" by marrying her, because she's really not very eligible — her parents are gentry but not well-off, and she's a spinster. but he needs a wife and doesn't really mind those things because he has a decent income and doesn't need (and, really, couldn't get) an heiress. and even then is it really arranged? it's arranged by mr collins, which to me is just "man decides who he'll marry"

so it seems to me that when people say "arranged marriage" what they really mean is reluctant/forced, which, again, i'm not sure i see that happening between people of different stations (one condition applies and i'll get to that) unless james is royalty, and even then lily had better be something, or james is about to piss off eeeeeeveryone at his court.

to be regency-specific, i think too people underestimate the amount of free choice the average gentleman would have had in making his own marriage. no matter how overbearing his parents, he could probably get away even with not honouring an "informal agreement" arranged by them when he and his intended were younger. and that's not even touching upon the fact that this is james specifically, and these are his parents specifically. fleamont and euphemia are canonically indulgent, and i can't fathom a world in which they insist on marrying james off against his will, to a girl equally reluctant.

(and this may be controversial, but nor can i see james consenting to such a match, even if he already has feelings for lily. it icks me out to think of him roping her into marrying him for like a billion reasons, but especially because this is something jily antis say all the time about canon, that he somehow compelled her to marry him. given a time period where a man of means probably could get away with that, it strikes me as skeezy to have the romantic lead — and, again, james specifically!!! — do it. imagine, basically, james as the mr collins to her lizzie — not exactly arranged either, but her mother sees the benefit of the match and encourages it, and it's a hard thing to say no to. it is shocking enough that lizzie says no to mr collins, and he even points out that she probably won't receive another offer. i find this not very romantic idk about you lol)

finally, courtship in the regency was a ritual. your parents don't just sit down with her parents and decide for you (and again, certainly not indulgent parents like james's). you'd still want to dance with her, formally express interest in her, ask her guardian's permission, and ask for her hand — and hopefully you're doing something in all that time that constitutes getting to know her, or at least seeing if you'd like to be married to each other. if you rushed into a marriage (i'm trying to spitball scenarios in which jily wouldn't know each other and therefore wouldn't be in love yet at the time of their marriage), people would talk — and the #1 thing they'd say is probably that she accidentally got pregnant somewhere along the way so the families are trying to save face rq.

in fact this is the one exception i could see with this whole arranged marriage shtick. if they were somehow caught in a compromising position, they would have to go on and get married asap, and you could argue that this might turn out to be reluctant depending on the circumstances. for instance in the bed-sharing fic i just wrote, two's a crowd, they are certainly not courting or in love, and lily's well aware that if word of this behaviour gets out it won't look good for her — and james knows too what he'd be honour-bound to do.

but honestly i find this to be such a depressing premise! it's sad and awful and reminds me uncomfortably of lydia bennet, who's really stuck in a shit situation to any modern reader imo. even lydia fancies herself in love with wickham before they elope, and needless to say he's probably not exactly in it because he has tender, poetic feelings for her.

that's not to say that love couldn't come out of something like this, but it's not a premise i feel like tackling in the regency era specifically, when you can get the yearning and the drama and all that without curtailing choice in such a specific, embarrassing way. (like, to have to write that social shame... eurgh. my own stomach would turn going on about women ruined and whatnot. there is a julia quinn book that features this and i won't say which one, but frankly i found the way it was executed downright ridiculous and very much un-james anyway)

i just think that a premise more realistic to the characters would be where they like what little they know of each other and then learn to love each other once they're married — less dramatic, i know, but also less contrived. sometimes romance is in the smaller things.

as an aside, my royal au, which is set several centuries before the regency, is probably the only fic i'll write with an arranged marriage, though it's more of a marriage of convenience — which is really a more apt, specific descriptor, i think, for those kinds of marriages. like, both parties are getting something out of this, and neither is under illusions as to whether or not they are in love. they wouldn't really expect to be.

#ask me #anon #regency challenge #hope i dont get flamed by a regency historian for this x

39 notes · View notes

mixingpumpkins · 2 years

Note

Ok so I've been following you for a while now, but you're kind of that one blog that pops up in my feed and my mind goes "Oh! Person! How lovely :)!!!" But ngl this is the first time Ive interacted in any way. I'm surprised to learn that you're over 30! Not in a bad way ofc! But more like, forgive me if this sounds strange, an older sibling/friend kind of way? Like knowing that what im interested in is valid for older people. I'm 18 and I feel a pressure to "grow up" and not be apart of fandoms and such since ik people that see them as childish. So I just wanted to let you know that I'm happily surprised!

Hey! Thanks for saying hi! :) That doesn't sound strange at all. And it's totally valid to have fandom interests as long as you want - I'm sorry if anyone's ever made you feel otherwise.

People of all ages have been in fandom for forever. I was lucky to find communities of fanfic writers early on and realise that a lot of my fave zine authors and posters on discussion boards were 30, 40, 50 years old and that I could enjoy this stuff forever if I wanted. (And I plan to.)

I hope we don't lose fan communities with a diversity of ages just because the modern internet is intent on packaging everyone into neat little marketing segments.

It's also really sad that there's this greater cultural pressure now to see fandoms as childish and say that people who like the "wrong" things need to grow up. Just go back to calling us nerds for liking "geeky" things and leave it at that rather than trying to justify it as calling out "immaturity," ffs.

Because this idea that adults aren't allowed to be passionate about things? Or only "approved," "adult" things? Total horseshit.

Nobody's going to bat an eye if I spend my Saturday watching a football game, doing some meal prep, and then going out for salsa dancing.

They should give precisely the same amount of (zero) fucks if I spend my Sunday calling my cousin, cleaning my bathroom and kitchen, and then curling up on my couch to sob over Encanto and write fanfic.*

Because yeah, eventually you'll have to balance fan stuff with more life responsibilities. But you're allowed to like things and have fun. You can do all your own shopping and cooking and important paperwork renewing AND read webcomics and write headcanons and spend time thinking about your fave pieces of media.

People who don't think it's possible to do both are the immature ones, tbh. Fuck 'em. (...not literally. Doesn't sound like a fun time to me.)

*(Both of these are actual weekend days I've had, not including work in the morning. And not the same weekend. Haven't been out dancing in forever 'cause, y'know, COVID. 😔)

#asks

1 note · View note

rubyvioletindigo · 2 years

Text

It's a Friday night and past 9 o'clock in the evening. I'm spending it like a loser and I'm honestly 100% content with that. I usually have plans on the weekends but I get this weekend to myself. Tonight, I ordered a honey BBQ chicken strip sandwich from Whataburger, fries, a Coke Zero with no ice (they added ice anyways but oh well), and got a free chocolate milkshake. It's my cheat meal because I've avoided fried foods most of the week and I was hoping it would hit the spot. It did nothing unfortunately. I'm craving something particularly delicious and I can't figure it out yet. But I'm not disappointed because now I know for sure it wasn't Whataburger I was craving, so that's another food craving suspect I can cross off my list.

The food I am mysteriously craving is still at large and I don't know what I'm searching for. All I know (by process of elimination) is that sushi, a Philly cheese steak sandwich, Taco Bueno, shrimp rolls, and Whataburger, are not hitting the spot. I promise I'm not as fat as I sound, I'm just a foodie and food makes me very happy.

I probably sound a lot younger than I actually am. I'm a millennial born in the 90s but my laid back yet chaotic personality makes many people think I'm in my early 20s. My nephew is 22 years old and his fiancée is 20 and she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids in their wedding this October. I don't think she realizes I'm about a decade older than the entire wedding party. It's really weird for me, not gonna lie. It feels like I'm living my own version of 21 Jump Street but it's not like I'm trying to hide my age. I own up to it if anyone asks but everyone just kinda assumes I'm in my early 20s so my age never comes up. Asian genes are pretty awesome. I'll happily be an Asian Alexa Demie, haha.

I haven't written in an online blog in years. I'm pretty sure this form of social media is pretty outdated but I'm posting on here for myself. I want to look back on these future posts I'm going to write as a fun nostalgic project. So here are some key notes of where I am in life at this exact moment on April 1st, 2022.

-I'm happily single because dating guys who can't communicate annoys the shit out of me. If a guy really wants to date you, he will put in effort. If he's half-assing it and barely trying to get to know you, the harsh truth is that he's not that into you. Don't let him waste your time because you will regret it.

-I love my job as an international banker. Three years ago, I prayed and wished for this job and it finally happened a year ago. That quote "Remember when you prayed for the things you have now," really hits home with me. I'm really grateful for this job because I never wake up dreading work. Not many people can say that and I am aware that I'm truly lucky.

-I am pretty happy with my life. I try not to focus on what I lack but what I am blessed with. My parents passed away in my mid-20s and I've had a rough life until these last few years. Those difficult years that make up most of my life are the reason why I appreciate how good things have been lately. I have a dependable car that is paid off, inherited my parents' house that is also paid off, and have what I need. Life and God have been very good to me and I don't take that for granted.

-I'm really proud of my life experiences. I've hiked Machu Picchu twice; visited the Santorini; swam in Cenote Ik-kil; visited Chechen Itza; traveled solo to Peru, Greece, and Vietnam; went skydiving; got drunk with friends on a beach in Mexico; etc. I hope to have more amazing life experiences as time goes on. I need to experience as much as I can before time runs out.

I don't know how my life will turn out in one year, five years, or ten years but I do know life is pretty good now. I hope this isn't my life highlight and that things will be even better in the future. To future me who may or may not be reading this, whether things are better or worse, stay humble and be grateful. We've experienced hell and weathered the worst hurricane but somehow survived all that to make it to calm waters. Hopefully those calm waters will eventually bring us to a beautiful paradise island and we understand the why the hurricane was necessary to take us where we need to be.

1 note · View note