my-castles-crumbling - Tumblr blog

my-castles-crumbling · 8 hours

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Hi loves! In the interest of self care I’m taking one night off of tumblr! If you sent me asks or anything I will reply tomorrow! I love you all!

#ask #asks #ask cas #self care

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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Hi guys! I know I haven't done requests in a while- life has been kind of crazy! I'm hoping to get some new stuff out this weekend! <3

#marauders era #marauders #fanfic #marauders fandom

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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headlights - @jegulus-microfic - word count: 263

"Sirius, it's simple, they just-"

"No, Moony! You're pushing your...cute romanticism onto everyone! Prongs and my baby brother are not together!" Sirius argued, rolling his eyes. Really, it was adorable how Remus could find romance in any scenario, but the thought was ridiculous.

Remus scoffed. "He's not exactly subtle about it, Sirius! He literally waxes poetic about Regulus's fingers every time he gets a chance!"

"Friends! They're friends!" Sirius retorted, wrinkling his nose.

"Fine," the other boy shrugged. "If you really think nothing's going in, go check on them in the dungeons."

"Aright, I will!" Sirius said, sticking his tongue out. James and Regulus were currently working on a Potions project in the dungeons.

But as he and Remus walked to the room ten minutes later, Sirius started to worry. What if they were dating? Oh, Merlin, they would be disgusting. People thought he and Remus were bad, James was the most obnoxiously over-the-top romantic there was.

But he decided to be brave, and just ask.

So he pushed open the wooden door of the Potions classroom with a squeak, only to be greeted by a loud yell.

"Sirius! What the fuck!"

And there was Regulus, climbing off of James's lap, while James wore an expression akin to a deer in headlights. "Er, hi Padfoot," he murmured, one had still out from where it had been grabbing at Regulus's hair only seconds ago. "Hi, Moony."

Remus just snickered from behind him.

"Don't you start," Sirius snapped towards him, knowing he was going to be treated to an 'I told you so' later.

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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how friends find me after I listened to taylor's new album (I'm just a marauders fan):

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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modern au - @wolfstarmicrofic - word count: 348

(I'm taking modern to also mean nonmagic so...come for me).

"Fuck," Sirius whispered, peeking around the corner to the bar to see the man he'd been planning to meet off Hinge.

He was there alright. Wearing the purple shirt he'd promised. Only he looked nothing like his picture.

Well, that wasn't true. It was just...Gilderoy had clearly used an even more expensive version of Photoshop because he looked about ten years older in real life.

Not that looks were Sirius's main requirement. But the lying? No, thanks.

So he turned, trying to leave the restaurant quickly before his date could see. He was so intent on making a quick escape that he didn't even notice the man walking in the other direction until he'd walked into him, catching himself on the man's elbows.

He swore again. "Sorry, mate! Sorry, I-" But he cut off as he looked up into beautiful chocolate-brown eyes only slightly covered by light brown fringe. The face in front of him broke into an apologetic smile.

"Sorry," the man said softly, straightening Sirius up.

"No! No," Sirius stumbled over his words, eyes wide. Okay, maybe looks were important a little. At least enough to know that he wanted to talk to this man. "I-"

But at that moment a loud, booming voice cut across the room.

"Sirius, right? You're here for me, obviously!" Gilderoy had seen him. The self-involved look of joy on his face, like he was glad to grace Sirius with his presence, made Sirius's decision easy.

"Erm, no," he said, staring back into the other man's eyes. "I'm not."

"But you're Sirius aren't you? We've been talking on Hinge, and-"

"No!" he shook his head, still not tearing his eyes away. "I'm-"

"He's here with me," he other many interrupted, finally breaking eye contact to turn toward Gilderoy. "So stop hitting on my boyfriend, yeah?"

Gilderoy instantly deflated, murmuring an apology and skittering back into the bar room. But as he left, the other man turned to Sirius. "So I take it you're single? Maybe...want to go for a drink?"

Sirius had never agreed so fast in his life.

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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HI I think you're cool too!

Having even slightly popular mutuals is so cool. The king has bestowed upon me a like. Perhaps even a reblog

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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Hey Cas, how are you? This is brave anon again

So I quit my job when I said I would and overall I feel amazing, it’s hard and I’m still unsteady but definitely feel better quitting. I also got a really amazing opportunity to move away and do something new and get a fresh start which I’m super excited for.

The problem that I have now is I can’t continue to see my therapist once I leave and I’m not sure how to handle that. I don’t actually go to her to manage any mental illness or process trauma or do any “work” anymore, I go because I’ve gone to her for years and years now and we have a really amazing connection and in all honesty she’s probably the closest relationship I have besides my parents (as I said in my last ask I don’t have a lot of friends and the ones I do, I struggle to connect with on more than a surface level or keep for more than a couple months).

Maybe the wound is fresh but tbh, I feel more upset over this than when my long term partner dumped me or when I’ve had any type of friendship break up. I also feel really weird because the main thing I talk about with her anymore is that I connect with people and that I run away from my problems or am too impulsive for my own good and want to stop. And now I have to stop seeing her because I impulsively quit my job and am moving so I can runaway from my problems and in doing so I have to end a relationship with, the only person I’ve successfully connected with.

I still have time before I leave and plenty more sessions with her and I know she’ll help me end the relationship but idk I feel so broken over it. And also I don’t want to find a new therapist because honestly, I don’t need one I just go to her because I like her and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have a connection with a therapist like I do with her again. It took me 2 years to actually open up and bond with her and it’s been years since I finally did that. I guess I feel like I’m losing the one person I connect with, the longest I relationship I think I’ve ever had, and that I’m failing her by doing the thing I’ve been in therapy to stop doing.

Hi! <3

I'm so glad you're happy with your decision!

Leaving a therapist is so hard- I've done it once, and it's so sad! Would it be possible (financially and like..rules-wise) for you two to have a phone/telehealth session every once in a while to check in?

If not, remember that just because the relationship is ending doesn't mean the things you've learned and gained are ending. You can still ask yourself what you think she'd say and you can still remind yourself that she cares.

I think it's really good that you realize this now, too, because you can talk to her about it! Make sure to be honest and express how you're feeling! There has to be some sort of therapy rulebook for this sort of thing, right?

But really, I'm here for you, and I know that's hard. Remember that this is what's best for you, even if it sucks now <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #brave anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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Hey cas. I am pretty much helpless on this.

how can I tell my friend I want to kiss her? Should I even?

I am a girl btw and so is she for clarification

I have known her for almost 2 years and she is one of my closest friends.

She is bi and came out to me about a year ago. she only came out to her mom and very few other close friends me included.

I am pretty sure I am also bi or biromantic and known for a while. I didn’t come out to anyone wet but her. She is the only person I trust with that. I know my mom will be supportive and my dad… would deal with it well enough. My family is nither very religious or homophobic with the kost one being my uncle (not by blood) and my cousins a bit.

I don’t live in the us or Britan or somewhere as progressive. I live in a pretty religious country where homophobia is frowned upon, but acceptable.

she is beautiful, funny and a total sweetheart. a few days ago we met up. I asked her how does a crush feel for her. Not as a romantic advance but as I question my sexuality I wanted to know how it feels for other and am I strange that way. She said how when she had a crush on someone she will want to spend as much time as possible with them, will never get tired with them, and How she will noticed the littlest things about them and see the most beauty in them.

she then mentioned how someone with a crush on me would notice how my eyes are the same hazel brown shade as my hair in the sun or think alot about my ” beautiful” curly hair.

she somehow somewhere mentioned that she likes someone, when I asked she wouldn’t tell me . Later I asked her who wouldn’t she tell me if she had a crush on, “Obviously you wouldn’t tell me of you had a crush on me but who else” i said stupidly. I promise I wasn’t trying to imply she had a crush on me, just listed people off and i guess kinda projecting how I wouldn’t tell her how I have been thinking about her and her lips more then I think I should. She said if someone was close to me she wouldn’t tell me but i said if she does she should tell me to set them up.

we talked about coming out stories and she told me how sick she was of people assuming she liked them when she came out to them. I am scared I am doing the same.

I told her of our friend whi while they were fighting told me she had a crush on her. she said how she couldn’t like her aa more then she is always busy smd want someone more spontaneous and she could have mental relationship more like ours

mind you all conversations were NOT in English but I translated to the best of my abilities.

I am not even sure if I know what a real Crush feels like, I never before really allowed myself to be romanticly interested in girls as well as boys but joinig good queer communities (shoutout to the mauraders) showed me there are atlist some people willing to accept me even before being able to really label myself. I came to this pretty late , probably from some internalized homophobia I am recovering from. I think I am Bi and demi but am not completely sure with any strong labels.

She is warm and kind and very amazing. I don’t see myself dating anyone soon (but maybe her) so I do all my date ideas with her and we have fun. I took her to my favorite picnic spot afew weeks ago and she looked so beautiful under the sun while throwing cookies at me and singing song because noone could hear us.

we always joke about kissing and go so close and she doesn’t know hiw much I want to close that gap btween us, how much I want to kiss her and hold her close.

I am sceared as fuck to ruin our friendship. She is one of my closest friends and I will see her every day for at least the next 3 years no matter what. I am scared she will think I just want to experiment with her and even more afraid that it’s right and I am just kidding myself.

I am also not so ready to come out but don’t want to put her in an awkward situation if we get together and I won’t be ready to tell people. I know that would kill me to that to her. I don’t think I deserve her to like me when I can’t give her all she deserves.

I don’t want to lose her. I know I love her at least platonically and I don’t want to ruin anything.

I am so so so sorry for venting and making you read all of this I just don’t know what to do.

Should I tell her? How should I tell her? What do I do? Am I a horrible person for thinking all of this? Do I do nothing? Help

thanks anyways <3 anonymous

Hi hon!

I don't think you're wrong for thinking she likes you. I think she's definitely flirted a little bit. Of course, that might not mean anything, but...

As far as not being ready to come out, that's valid. And I don't think that should be a reason not to tell her. HOWEVER I think if something was to happen, you should be honest with her about that. You know, be upfront about your intentions going in.

I guess, from what you're telling me, there's a chance she likes you. So my question is- what if she doesn't? Is she ACTUALLY the type of person who would allow things to get awkward and weird, or do you think she would understand and try to move past it? Because from what you said, she's a nice person. I know if someone told me they liked me, I'd be like, "Awww, that's so sweet! I don't feel the same way and I don't want things to change with us, but I'm honored you feel that way!" Would she be like that?

If you think she would be chill about it even if she doesn't like you, I think you should say something. But if you think it could get awkward, maybe wait it out and see if she gives clearer signs? But you definitely DESERVE love. Everyone does.

I'm naming you anonymous anon if you want to write back!

#ask #asks #ask cas #anonymous anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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hii cas! You're a moot of one of my irl friends, and I was just scrollin' around and found that you got a few asks about relationship advice! please help. So theres this guy i like, and he asked me out. its a good thing, right? But here's the catch (I sound like a fucking detective or smth sorry hahah) he compliments me, and is sweet most of the time, but he does get anxiety/panic attacks sometimes. Once he messaged me apologizing about not really talking to me much in school, and i honestly feel kinda bad cuz I feel like i'm the one not talking to him. Do you know any ways I can make him feel less pressured (My friends spam him telling him to talk to me which probably doesn't help) ? And it would be great if you could drop me some tips on talking to other people (I have zero social skills oh my god). Tysm! PS. Your writing is beautiful, I never really shipped Jegulus that hard, but now I would kill for them 🥨✨

Hi!

Honestly, I find the best thing to help anxiety is clear communication. I would just send a message that says, "Hey! I know my friends are pressuring you to talk to me a lot, and I want you to know that I don't want you to feel pressured. It makes me happy when you talk to me, but I know this is new, so I don't want you to feel like you have to push yourself."

This way he knows he isn't pressure and he also knows this isn't you saying don't talk to him.

As far as talking to people IRL? God, I'm am NOT the person to ask, I am so awkward. I mean, as a rule of thumb, people like talking about themselves. Asking them about their likes, dislikes, opinions, etc, is always a good way to make conversation.

And AWWW I'm glad you like my babies!

I'm going to name you talking anon in case you want to write again!

#ask #asks #ask cas #talking anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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hi, Cas :)

Gotta say, I’m a little worried for your brother’s safety if he’s like me😅 also I almost destroyed my kettle by accidentally putting it on without water in it? It literally started shaking really hard and making weird ass sounds and literally the entire thing, plastic handle, lid, base and all, started smoking like one of Batman’s get away devices (not steaming, thick grey smoke was spewing outta that thing stg) and I couldn’t touch any part of it for like half an hour WHICH MEANT NO NOODLES FOR HALF AN HOUR I DONT THINK SO- anyway, the kettles good

peace out,

-bean can man

I, too, am worried for my brother's safety. Sometimes he tells me about shit he does and I question how he's managed to survive for so long.

I will also be showing him all these posts when he comes over tomorrow.

I hope you got your noodles in the end! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #bean can man

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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for the 5k post I want you to stand before a mirror every evening for a week and give yourself an honest compliment. Especially on the days when you are down :)

oooo, this feels targeted (/j). I will if you will?

#ask #asks #ask cas

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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hey!!

Ive seen a bunch of people send you anon asks where they vent to you and im kinda just asking for permission ig? Basically let me know if its okay if i vent to you, cuz i dont wanna pressure you or anything :))

Its fine either way dw<33

Always! Send me anything you need to talk about, hon! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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So you have any advice on how to deal with toxic parents who are one fight away from killing each other or themselves?

Hi!

So...if you're being literal here, then that's not toxic- that's dangerous. If you feel like this is a real danger for you, and you are underage, I would strongly suggest telling someone else. You're not in a safe space and you need to be.

If you're exaggerating a bit (valid) then I want to say- I've been there too. The most important thing to remember is it is NOT your problem. You don't need to get in the middle and if they try to put you there, you can respectfully tell them to fuck off. If mom says "don't you think dad's a jerk?" be like "well, he's my dad." and leave it at that. You do NOT have to get involved. Let the adults act like children all they want, but you don't have to join.

Feel free to inbox me to clarify!

I'm naming you middle anon!

#ask #asks #ask cas #middle anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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heyO

It's funny anon (I giggled so hard hehehahey)

It's not that I feel like I need to protect her, or that I feel like I should raise her to be... I dunno, not like them. It's just the thought of not being able to see her grow up you know?

I've seen my other siblings grow up and go through the motions of childhood without much of a hitch (even though theyre absolute assholes now) but with her it's already getting difficult to be around her with my work load building up.

I'm just a paranoid little guy hehe.

Maybe there's some psychology to how I feel that I'm missing. Maybe I do feel like I want to protect her from growing up the way my brother's did but eh, what can I do?

Staying around my parents is just too much. I can't be near them without feeling like I'm having my LIFE sucked out of me. They're constantly on my case about EVERYTHING. They're trying to push Christianity on me and my father even tried to get me to go to a conversion getaway/gap year kinda thing... Oh. That's quite the story.

Yeah it's just... The decision is difficult. She told me she looked up to me and that I was her favourite person.

I feel so guilty every time the thought of leaving that child crossed my mind.

Hi! <3

Are there ways for you to still see your sister even if you leave? I know it won't be the same, but with what you are saying of your parents, I worry a lot about you staying. I know that it still wouldn't be the same, but maybe if you promised to have weekly dinners or somethin?

Remember that it's okay to put yourself and you needs first, you know?

#ask #asks #ask cas #funny anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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hi cas! Swiftie anon here! I’ve been kind of having a shit week, in general. A few days ago my throat started hurting, and my nose started crying, so that’s been fun, and school feels like it’s taking fucking forever every day. last night, my sister was talking, and I asked my brother to get a coaster for me, since I was holding a hot bowl, and he was standing in front of the drawer, but my sister was talking, so I wanted until she was done to ask again.

my sister is great btw. I’d never say that to her face, but she’s my younger sister, and she’s always been so…happy, and I want it to say that way, she started middle school this year, and I was scared she’d go through the same things I did, and idk that freaked me out. She’s annoying as hell, but I want her to say happy, as long as she can be, so I haven’t been like putting pressure on her, or getting as mad at her as I did when we were younger. And like we’re only a year and a half apart, but ever since I got depressed I feel a lot older, which is sad because we were so close when we were younger. People used to think we were twins, and I miss being that close to someone, trusting someone that much, whispering things under the blankets, and playing games only the two of us know.

anyway, I asked after she was done talking, which was just few seconds, and I got the coaster, and set it down, and then my mom said, you need to talk louder, you’re mumbling again. and l got probably unreasonably angry when she said that, because I’ve always been quiet, when we were younger, my sister talked for the two of us, I hate talking and I’ve never been very loud. And maybe I like being quiet, not only because it’s in my nature, but you always yelled at us for being too loud and interrupting people, and maybe I’m scared to make you angry? Maybe I remember that shit? Maybe I don’t like being noticed because you always get pissed at my older brother, and that’s the only way I ever see you talk to him?

and then that night (after dinner we all go watch tv, play games separately, go to my parents room, pray and then sleep) she got mad at us saying, we’re not a community, we’re just people living together the three (me and my siblings) of you are cocooned in your rooms all the fucking time. You’re on your fucking phones all the damn time, melting your brains, you could be doing better things with your time. And why the hell wouldn’t I want to be in my room instead of with my parents, they stress me the fuck out, and make me feel like I’ve already ruined my chances at everything, and maybe that’s why I need to escape, because they made me believe everything fucking sucked.

and I know being on your phone and sitting down for like 4-5 hour periods isn’t healthy, but that’s a habit I’ll deal with after all the other issues they’ve caused me. I had a bit of a breakdown after that, my arms got red and puffy from my nails, but I didn’t bleed this time so…is that a plus?

I got my at my sister last weekend bc she like, dropped my instrument and didn’t pick he up and I almost smacked her, and my dad saw me like, about to, but I stopped, and got so mad at me? He said, and I quote, “apologize, how would you feel if I got you and ten years later I never said sorry?” and then I was like wtf are you talking about, you hit me when I was in like preschool (10 years ago) and never apologized. I vaguely remember him hitting me, like before kindergarten, I somehow forgot that he did until that moment. I know he and my mom got into fights about it (bc calling us stupid and staying is so much better).

and then this morning we woke up late, and my dad said “you’ll end up all alone bc no one wants anyone who never shows up on time.” And my mom started fucking monologuing about how we’re “wasting our intelligence” and we should on things better, and I started fucking bawling, bc I went to preschool far from home, so when I started going to elementary, I didn’t have any friends, and I had like, a singular friend, I made and she moved at the end of first grade, and so on and so forth until 3rd grade when the pandemic happened, so like ending up alone has always been a fear of mine, and they know this, bc back when I trusted them I literally asked them why do all my friends move away? and school has fucking sucked, pe isn’t so bad, we’re fishing in a lake across the street and I caught one today and almost killed it bc it swallowed the hook, and everything else, besides like my friends has been miserable. I had a dentist appointment today (I have them all the damn time), and they numbed the right side of my face, 3 injections, they’re so sore, and I still can’t feel the lower right part of my mouth, so that’s fun. Sorry for the rant, hope you’re having a better week than me cas! Have a good day/night

Hi hon! <3

It sounds like you're dealing with a LOT of negativity right now, especially at home, and that absolutely sucks. Are there ways you can find some positivity on your own? Things that make you happy even when others are being shitty?

I'm so proud of you for dealing with life even when it's hard <3 You're doing so great, truly! <3

#ask #asks #ask cas #swiftie anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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Hey Cas, it's student anon again!

I hope you remember me, i wrote to you a few weeks back when I told you how not studying during the pandemic has me struggling now.

So first of all thank you for your advice, i tried organising my study material and making a schedule for myself after school and everything and it kinda helped, but there is one more problem.

My school is really far from my place so i have to wake up at like 6 every morning and by the time i reach home it's 3. And i usually end up sleeping for an hour otherwise but i won't be able to function but then I hv to stay up pretty late to complete all my school work and revise everything because I have extra classes in between from 5:30-7:30.

So anyways it is getting quite exhausting, do you have any suggestions for this?

Thank you for your time.

Hi!

Wow, it sounds like you're super busy! Is everything you're doing right now necessary? What I mean is, could you cut down on your extra classes for now until you're able to build some solid study habits?

Let me know!

#ask #asks #ask cas #student anon

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my-castles-crumbling · 1 day

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Hi Cas, I need some advice. I have a massive crush on (might be in love with) my best friend. We’ve been friends for 7 years and for a while we were attached at the hip. She moved far away from me 3 years ago but we remained close. We FaceTime all the time and text every day.

I tell her everything. She was the first person I came out to when I figured out I’m trans (after two years of complaining to her about gender crisis) and she has always been supportive of me. We talk about everything and have always been physically affectionate to each other. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and other stuff like that.

Recently she got out of a relationship (both are my friends and both say it was mutual) and brought up our friendship and how we are physically affectionate. She brought up kissing platonically.

I would love to kiss her, she’s amazing and I have a crush on her. But I don’t think I can do it in a platonic way and I don’t know how to tell her. I don’t think I can tell her that I have a crush on her because I don’t think she feels the same way.

(sorry if this sounds like mindless rambling, it’s hard to put thoughts into words.)

Hi! <3

Honestly, I think you need to be real with her. Maybe not completely, but at least a little. Be like "I don't think kissing is a good idea, because you're an objectively attractive person, and I don't want to blur the lines when I don't think that's what you want."

When you say it like that, it makes it sound like a compliment and also puts the responsibility in her court to say if she wants something more.

But yeah, I wouldn't kiss her unless you want it to end bad.

#ask #asks #ask cas

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