#and the reason why i get so mad about the idea that aces inherently dont have sex | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

oflgtfol · 4 months

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i think the whole discourse around whether or not cishet aro men are queer stems specifically from the idea of allo aros being hypersexual - and so the idea of an allo aro, specifically a straight aro man, draws to mind the idea of like, fuckboys, or sexist men who only view women as sex objects, etc. And that is likely why the idea of cishet aro men leaves such a bad taste in apparently so many peoples mouths

now, i’ve spoken before about how attraction =/= libido. i’ve mostly spoken about this in the context of being ace, where asexuals can still have a libido despite not experiencing sexual attraction. the confusion and conflation between attraction and behavior has been a huge source of frustration for me with regards to the popular idea of asexuality and how it has confused me on my path to figuring out my own sexual identity over the years

BUT. the idea holds true not only for aces who have high libidos - but also for allosexuals who have low libidos. the idea that to be allo aro is to immediately be some hypersexual fuckboy is just, so warped? just because you experience sexual attraction but not romantic attraction does not mean you immediately become some sexist pig who always needs your dick wet. like idk it’s just beyond fucking frustrating to see the way that people sexualize alloaros when they’re just - they’re just people. you would not assume what another person’s sex life or libido is if they were otherwise alloromantic allosexual, because your orientation describes the way you experience attraction, not your behavior and sex life, nor your libido. in the same way, being alloaro has literally nothing to do with what your actual libido is. so why are allo aros the exception? to try to divide the community and exclude them based on your assumption of their sex lives is just so fucked

#brot posts #aro tag #gonna get a bit TMI here. beware #i think im definitely acespec i dont know if im fully ace or not but im definitely acespec #and i dont care to define myself further than thst cuz its just gonna be frustrating for no reason #and the reason why i get so mad about the idea that aces inherently dont have sex #is that like - im acespec and i definitely have a libido of some kind #im still a virgin tho! like im not out here being some fuckboy #i just jerk off about it like jesus christ #like when you have this idea of alloaros in your head of being some hypersexual freaks with no boundaries and disrespectful of their #partners etc insert every fuckboy stereotype #its just - why are you assuming things about their sex lives and then deciding you dislike them based on your assumptions #1. how do you know theyre even having sex? all because theyre allosexual?#not all allosexuals have sex…? and not in a celibate way?#they could just jerk off about it and be perfectly content that way. same as me!#2. and even if they are having sex who give a shit? fwb exist you can easily have respectful consensual sex without romance #to assume otherwise is just….#well dare i say it. its very sex negative. you have messed up ideas on sex if thats what you think

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thegeminisage · 4 years

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please dont say queer if you're not trans or not attracted to the same gender. ace people are not inherently lgbt.

lol do you feel better with that off your chest?? be honest with yourself here. you knew before you sent the ask you weren’t gonna change my mind on anything. you just got mad cause i’m out here being ace and fabulous without disclosing my sexual and romantic history/my own personal relationships with my sexual & romantic orientations to you in DETAIL and that rustled your precious little gatekeeping jimmies. like, what were you expecting? for me to see the error of my ways and fall to my knees in tearful apology? for me to change the bio that i’ve had up for years for one anonymous shithead? you knew that wasn’t going to happen. why did you send this ask? just to rile me up, because my daring to include myself in queer spaces riled you up? that’s kind of sad. why do you hate ace people so much? why does it matter so much to you that we don’t call ourselves queer/lgbt? i’m over here minding my own business and i’ve never said a word to you. am i really doing you so much harm? why did you send this message?

you should sit down and think about this stuff. do some reading. broaden your horizons. are you queer? we shouldn’t be arguing on the internet, we should be friends. we should have each others’ backs. what good does it do us & our community to send shitty messages like this back & forth to one another? you know straight people aren’t gonna magically start accepting you, straight society is not going to ever accept you, just because you think it’s cool to have some other group beneath your boot the way they have us queer people beneath theirs. that’s not how this works. so why did you send this message?

and i mean…you know, i could go on to tell you all about how qualified i am, like whether or not i’ve been in love with and/or had sex with other women, how much i’ve suffered for not fitting in with straight society, for not being able to force myself into the tiny little box i’m expected to fit into to act like a straight woman should, and whether that suffering “counts” or not, if it came from the right places and happened for the right reasons enough to get me into your imaginary club. but i’m thirty years old. i’m THIRTY YEARS OLD & i’ve been thru it & i’ve fought with it & i don’t need to audition for anyone’s approval, let alone some shitty exclusionist who’s probably still a teenager. you have no idea the shit i’ve gone through, what i’ve survived, how hard it was to settle on a label that feels right and not like a death sentence, to figure out what the fuck i am and what that means for me & the rest of my life going forward. you don’t have a fucking clue because you don’t even know me. you read a few words on my bio and decided you knew better than me what i was. surely you couldn’t have expected me to change my mind just like that. so why did you send this message? why does it bother you SO MUCH? who am i hurting? am i hurting you? am i threatening you? why does me being myself scare you so much? why do you need to feel superior to me so BADLY? why did you send this message?

here’s the thing: queer was invented by people like me (not straight) for people like me (NOT STRAIGHT). and if you don’t like me calling my very not straight self queer, you’re totally free to stop talking to my queer ass for, like, forever (pretty please).

and next time you see “asexual queer” on somebody’s bio, maybe don’t go into their inbox thinking you know more about them than they do

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