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catch22inareddress · 6 years

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Abandoned Series Chapter Three: Cap’s New Mission

You jolted awake and a stifled scream unaware of where you were. You heard shuffling in the darkroom and immediately jumped out of the bed and flew past whoever was in the room and hit the lights. It was Steve and from the looks of it he had fallen asleep on the love seat in your quarters and was alarmed from being awoken from your scream and the flurry of you turning on the light in such a frenzy. His arms were up like you were a frightened animal. "Hey, it's just me, Blue. You're ok." You exhaled deeply, relieved that you were safe at home and it was Steve and not some creeper or HYRDA agent in your room. You had a nightmare and safe to say it freaked the shit out of you, thankfully not literally.

His gaze softened and turned rosy and his eyes darted down your body then he looked away. You looked down and you were in your lace bra and lace boy shorts. Several shades of red gracing your skin to complement the dark panty set. "D-did you undress me?" He shook his head. "No Wanda and Nat cleaned you up and put you to bed while I cleaned up, I just didn't want to leave you alone tonight. Slept on the sofa. I hope it was ok?" You nodded in response. "Of course." You looked at the clock, it was 2 am and you were tired from the mission. "I-I'm going to go back to bed. I'm exhausted." You narrowly walked past him taking in his clean linen and soap smell mixed with leather and climbed into your bed and scooted to the middle. He just stared at you for a beat. "It was dangerous what you did, doll." He voice was soft yet there was anger underlying it. "And I'd do it again Cap. We had no cover and they were trying to kill all of us." He put his hands in his slow slung sweat pants and shook his head. "Not you. I've gone over it a thousand times in my head. Talked to the team. They seemed to want you. Tony and FRIDAY are trying to decode the information that we extracted. It may be nothing but if its something, ten to one I think it has something to do with you." You sighed and rubbed your eyes. "I'm nothing to them Steve. A sideshow Dr. made me??" He sat on the edge of the bed and you could see the lines of his face and you sat up. You pressed your fingers to smooth out the creases between his brows with a small sympathetic smile. "You're special. I have a feeling in my gut that it was a trap to get to you. I need to you trust me." You could see that, at least tonight, you weren't going to win the argument and to be honest you just want to rest. "M'kay. I trust you." His shoulder relaxed a bit and he made a move to get up. "S-Stay. I mean will you stay with me again?" His eyes widened and then he nodded. You slowly laid on your side with your back to him and he laid down and curved his body towards yours. "N'ver been the big spoon." You laughed. "Are you the little spoon often, Rogers. And with who do you spoon with?" He laughed and his breath on the back of your neck tickled giving you shivers. "I may not be a virgin but I haven't cuddled with women a lot. Most of the time they just want a one and done with Captain America-Steve Rogers isn't really their type." You scoffed at his comment. "Wow, well they're fucking idiots." He laughed and pulled you closer. "Especially because I'm finding that your one helluva good cuddler, never knew I liked it." He was silent for a minute. "You and Bucky didn't cuddle?" You bit your lip. "Yes and no. He and I would lay together and console each other during nightmares but not hold each other like this. It was more like holding each other to keep from falling apart. I think that's why would've never worked. Too broken and damaged." You could feel his face dip and his mouth settle on the back of your neck. "You'll find the one that'll make you feel whole someday. You deserve the world. You protect others before yourself and make everyone laugh and keep me humble and like me for Steve not Cap. You just need to stop seeing yourself as a sideshow because none of us see you as that." You just hummed in response.

"Damn you, woman." He leaned over you and you were slightly startled. " I know you've had a shit life and my best friend was a metal-armed ass hat. But my new mission is to make you see yourself the way we see you. Badass and amazing." You smiled under his intense gaze but in the back of your mind, you still heard how quickly he said No to Bucky when asked if you were his and the disgust at the thought of being romantically involved. Or at least the disgust you thought you heard, it was hard to convince yourself that when he was so close to you and held you closer than that damn shield of his. He laid back down when you rolled over and put his face flush with your neck both of you dozed off. Truth was, you were orphaned and then captured and tortured by the creep show doctor for years on years. Then the Avengers rescued you. You mistakingly became close to Bucky between shared experiences but both of you were too traumatized to be good for one another. Yet, you still loved him and he would be perfect for someone, just not for you. He nearly broke you beyond repair and yet here you were, stronger than before but yet still would any man ever want a woman like you. A tortured fighter with the self-esteem negative 40?

You awoke an hour or two later to his kicking and heavy breathing, it was like he was struggling with Casper. When you wiggled out of his grasp you could hear him groan and saw his brows stitched together in pain and he was breaking into a thick sweat. You got up on your knees and were careful to wake him. You remembered once when you woke Bucky he grabbed you by the throat and nearly crushed your esophagus. It was a few nights before he left. "Steve. Wake up." You said in a calming voice. "It's Y/N, you're ok. You're safe." You put your arms on his damp shirt and shook him gently. "Steve?" His eyes widened and he bolted upright and nearly slammed into you. "Holy fuck!" You bit back you smartass remark on language and instead decided to try to sooth the frazzled soldier in front of you. You went to climb off the bed to get him some water. "Please don't go." He voice broke and it nearly killed you. "I was just going to get you a water."

He shook his head and held your hand to keep you from leaving. His chest was heaving and he held his head low. "Do you...do you want to talk to me about it?" There was infinite silence between you two as you sat with him while he held your hand. You started rubbing it slightly knowing he would do the same for you. "I sometimes have dreams where I lose you, or other friends. They feel so real. ...I've just lost so many people in my life. I can't lose anymore, doll." He sounded so broken and his voice was barely above a whisper. His breathing was finally back to regular and your heart broke for him. He was always so busy taking care of all of you that he never let anyone take care of him. You went to get up and his eyes were pleading. "I'll be right back, Stevie. I promise." He let go and you went to grab a cool washcloth and came back with some water for him. He drank it all at once and then you reached for the bottom hem of his shirt and he looked at you confused. "It drenched. Take it off. I promised I won't take advantage of you, Captain." You chuckled and this elicited a small smirk from him. You took the cool washcloth and ran it over him to cool him off.

"You don't have to do this, doll." He said quietly as you cleaned him up, so to speak. "S'fine. Who says I don't like taking care of you." He risked a glance at you and you locked eyes with him. He looked ashamed for some reason and you tried to not let your face betray your emotions at that moment. "I don't like you...a-anyone, seeing me like this." You let a dark chuckle escape your lips and he frowned at the sound. "What? Human." He shook his head. "Weak." You put the washcloth down and then laid next to him not touching him but still you found each other laying face to face, while his body cooled. The proximity did nothing for your flaming cheeks but at least the darkness of the room hid the color from him. "Nothing wrong with being human. Doesn't make you weak, Stevie. If anything, just makes us want to follow you even more. We trust you because you're not perfect or infallible. You hurt when we hurt. You hold us when we cry. Your an amazing leader and an even better friend." He laughed. "I don't hold Sam when he cries. He's on his own, little shit." You laughed at him and relieved that he had calmed down.

"I didn't hold Bucky this time either." His voice was dark and low and he looked at your collarbone, anyplace other than your eyes. "Hell, for the first time I can ever remember I didn't choose him." You didn't want to break up a nearly century-old friendship and tears were threatening to spill over onto your cheeks. "Ya know, it's ok Steve. I won't be mad if you go to him, ever. He's your friend, s'ok." He still had his hands under his chin balled into a white-knuckled fist as he spoke to you. "It's hard when I don't agree with what he did, doll. He wasn't a gentleman. Part of me still clings to the thought of James Barnes and he's not him. I need to accept that he's a different man. Don't get me wrong, he's partly him but he's also a new man which has some of the Winter Soldier mixed in. I don't think he's truly found himself."There was a pause and then he continued. "I do think he loved you, as much as he could. Then he ran off when he got scared, because that's all he knows. Or at least knew to do. B-but to take your virginity and then leave you? You just don't do that to a dame that you care about ...that love you. If someone can love us like you loved him. Love a man like him or me through all the shit that we do. The fights the battles the nightmares and fuck---all of it. You fight for a dame like you, you don't make love then run off! I-I can't. I woul---" He ran his hand over his face to steady his outburst. He wouldn't what? He was so angry at Bucky for what he did to you and it made your heartbreak to know that Steve didn't have that love but at the same time, you it felt blooming in your heart for him. If Bucky was your first love you felt like Steve was your eternal one. He was what you soul ached for and what was the source of your energy. You would fight for him even if he would never know or want your love but because a man like Steve Rogers deserved to have someone to love him above themselves.

He snapped you out of your epiphany with his strangled words. "He just did you wrong. He abandoned you and... he abandoned us all. So don't blame yourself, Y/N. This was an easier choice than you-you may ever know. We'll work it out he just needs to come to peace with the fact that he needs to move on." Tears ran down your face and he wiped them away and pulled you closer. "Hey...You ok? I'm sorry if talking about him upset you." You shook your head. "I'm not upset about me and him, per se. I just wish that he and I could be friends and that you and he were fine. That it was just..ok. I'm ok with it all, really. What's done is done. I loved him and now I don't." Your head was buried into his bare chest as you calmed yourself and he held you.

"I think tomorrow we should take the day off and everyone go to Coney Island? Whaddya say, doll?" You turned your head over his heart and could hear it beat. Was it always quickened? You assumed so due to his super-soldier status although part of you wished it was because of how he was holding you. "That sounds perfect, I've never been." He scoffed in disbelief. "You know what I like, Cap?" He hummed in question. "Besides your ridiculous Man-muscly-boobs, I think I like when your Brooklyn accent slips out even more." You were exhausted and things like that tended to slip out. Wanda said you had word spittle similar to when you were drunk. He just gave you a lopsided grin. "Also, I swear I don't cry this much Steve, fuckin' hell." He rubbed your back. "Maybe I just wanted to be snuggled between your manboobs." He let out a hearty laugh. "Hey these are not manboobs! They are man-muscles. I could probably crack a walnut with them" You turned your head so you could breathe and chuckled. "Well considering at this position I could motorboat them, I would say the technical term is Manboobs. And the next time I have a walnut I'll place a bet to have you crack one." He pulled away and looked at you. "You're somethin' else, doll. Ya know that." You nodded. "If this is how you act whenever I lay on my Brooklyn accent I should start using it more, huh?" You laughed at him and his flirty side, loving it. "I don't know, what if it's a combo of shirtless and accent." You could hear his heart beat quicken and knew it was the serum this time and gave yourself a victory high five. "You're saying you would want me to walk around without a shirt and have thick Brooklyn accent." You paused for effect. "You're right, that would be a bad idea." You pulled back and shook your head quickly for dramatics and he looked at you with his brows stitched together, "Yea, how so, doll?" You gave a light shrug. "You have enough women falling all of you, Rogers. That would create mass hysteria." He smirked and pulled you back in. "Go ta sleep, I'm taking ya to Coney Island tomorrow." With that, you fell asleep in the arm of the man you had fallen head of heels in love with.

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