#and they cannot substitute for real therapy. real help. real friendships. real feelings. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

almaasi · 6 years

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Thank you SO MUCH to the 2,000 people subscribed to me on AO3 (and my 10,000 followers on tumblr)!!!

Thank you for your endless kindness, and every comment ever sent my way. Thank you for getting excited about what I make. You’re all wonderful.

In celebration, here’s some art, which is based on a dream I had the other day. Plus!! Under the read-more: A fic rec of people’s favourite 15 stories, which you guys voted for in my recent survey. ♥

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★ All my Destiel fics on AO3

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Top Voted Destiel fics (written by @almaasi)

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Try-Something Tuesday · 48k · NC-17

Human AU. Dean Winchester teaches a third-grade class. He’s new to this whole ‘bisexual’ thing - but by pure happenstance, he meets Castiel: a particularly dapper male librarian who moonlights as a substitute teacher. Dean’s curious and Castiel is willing, so why the hell not? Except, fate never intended it to be one-time-only…

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Of Shampoo and Fruit Flies · 17.6k · M

Dean’s roommate is not what anyone would call ordinary. Cas is asexual, and autistic, and he frustrates other people with his unrelentingly ‘childish’ ways – but it’s different with Dean: they have an exceptional bond, something truly profound. Dean figures Cas wouldn’t respond to the idea of a crush the way most people would, so he has no intention of telling him he’s been harbouring non-platonic feelings for him for years. Then one night everything falls to pieces: Cas overhears something he wasn’t meant to hear. Things were never normal between the two of them, but now they might never be comfortable again.

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Note to Self: Cas Loves You · 3.4k · T

Dean is not just drunk – he is VERY drunk. Castiel ushers him back to their motel room, completely aware that by the time Dean wakes up tomorrow, he won’t remember anything about tonight. What better time for Castiel to confess his love?

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Sam Accidentally Sees the Whole Picture · 10.4k · NC-17

Sam’s been through a lot lately, what with tonight’s hunt rendering his skin an aching shade of purple and all. He can deal with Dean being overly concerned about Cas’ broken finger, and - God help him - he puts up with the sound of their preposterously soppy love confessions and first kisses on the adjacent bed. But he cannot be expected to remain silent and feign sleep throughout the entire duration of their first-ever lovemaking session. He just can’t. Especially not, because it seems apparent that Cas is more intent on deflowering himself than letting Dean do it.

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A Postcard for Castiel · 4.7k · G

The teacher assigns a buddy to all the children in her first-grade class. Everyone writes their buddy a postcard, giving them a compliment. Dean is supposed to write something for Castiel, the mysterious autistic kid in the corner – but he doesn’t hand anything in. Does he have nothing to say? Or does he have too much to say?

p.S. will you Be my Boyfrend ?

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Dean’s List · 3.3k · T

Dean writes out a list of men he would go gay for. Sam has a suggestion to make.

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Understanding Your Body in Ten Easy Steps · 12.2k · NC-17

All Dean has to do is track down a decent porno for Cas to watch, help him find his sensitive spots, then hang back and let him do his thing. Easy-peasy. No homo. …Absolutely no homo at all.

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Welcome All Winchesters · 60.2k · NC-17

When Dean’s engagement breaks off three days before Christmas, he’s left with nobody to accompany him on a road trip to his family’s mountain log cabin. His best friend Castiel happens to be available, and is willing to help him through a tough time. But when Dean’s mother and brother arrive, expecting to meet the person Dean plans to marry, they understandably assume Castiel is Dean’s fiancé. After a weekend of comfortable domesticity, sharing clothes, intimate conversations, and definitely-one-time-only therapy sex, it feels almost too easy for Dean and Cas to fake a loving, romantic relationship. The hard part is going back to being friends afterwards. They can’t keep their hands off each other, and they’ve discovered some fun things to do together which they’d never tell another soul about. And, oh boy, feelings. Now being ‘just friends’ is so impossible, it seems as if fate had another plan for them all along…

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Snow Place Like Home (But My Home Is With You) · 47.8k · NC-17

It’s Christmas Eve, and Dean, Sam and Castiel are snowed into a small town with a big festive spirit. They splurge on a fancy room in a B&B – hey, they deserve a treat. There’s a tiny plastic tree and a working TV, so they could perhaps overlook the lack of hot water and Dean having to bunk with Sam. Sleeping arrangements soon reach a happier equilibrium: Dean’s just cuddling Cas to keep him warm, he swears – the tingly feeling means nothing! Christmas Day arrives, and Cas still doesn’t have a gift for Dean. Dean doesn’t know what to give Cas, either. Sam has a few ideas, but will the other two truly understand what he means?

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Love Him in His Sleep (Love Him Always) · 32.7k · NC-17

After Cas banishes Dean’s nightmares, Dean starts to have wet dreams… about being cuddled. When he wakes, he’s sticky and aroused - and he loves it. Oh, he loves it a lot. Castiel, meanwhile, is struggling with his own descent into the murky waters of human morality. How is he supposed to explore all these new lustful feelings if Dean insists on keeping him at arm’s length?

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Cowboys and Real Estate Angels · 36.8k · NC-17

Castiel crosses paths with the ever-charming Dean Winchester at a rodeo show in Texas, of all places. Dean’s singing days are long bygone, but his crowd-pleasing skills haven’t waned one iota. Unexpectedly, Castiel finds himself in Dean’s bedroom; they take and they give, and discover that sometimes strangers can find love like this, too. (And if a man’s faith can’t be put in God, it needs to go somewhere…)

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Nine Times We Met (And One Christmas We Parted · 58.4k · NC-17

On the last day of school before Christmas vacation, Mr. Castiel Quinn discovers that one of his young students has smuggled male pornography into the classroom. Upon being told that the photos belong to the boy’s uncle, Castiel vows to himself that he will keep the other man’s preferences a secret. It’s 1947; a man experiencing attraction to another man or fantasising about his sexual touch are transgressive faults, which could potentially result in imprisonment - or worse. But then the uncle walks in. The photos are of him: Dean Winchester, a rogue with an empty pocket and a child to feed. Castiel doesn’t know it yet, but his life is never going to be the same again. Years pass between chance meetings, but even though they live their lives apart, Dean and Castiel’s story is proof that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder.

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Angelhawke · 407k · NC-17

A Dean/Cas Fantasy-Drama AU, set in a medieval world where two men are separated by a curse: every sunrise and sunset, both are eternally bound to transform into animals. Every night when darkness falls, Dean Winchester becomes a wolf, and his human mind is lost until the dawn. As the sun rises, his lover Castiel becomes a hawk. Their story has been the same for five years - until the day that a young thief named Sam stumbles into their twisted lives. Without even realising it, he becomes a part of their destiny, their paths entwined in prophecy and fate. Together with a few old friends, they set off on a journey to break the curse, but it won’t be easy. To pass the time, Dean and Castiel take turns to recount their past to Sam, narrating the tale of how they met, how they formed their profound bond, and how they found themselves wanting what no man should ever want: the touch of another man.

‘Angelhawke’ is a saga of forbidden love, friendship, and magic - but above all, family. Partially based on the 1985 movie ‘Ladyhawke’.

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Sharing the Rain Dog · 19.8k · M

When some asshole hits a dog with his car and drives off, the first two people on the scene are Dean and Castiel. Castiel’s an FBI agent with a plane to catch, and he doesn’t have time to take the dog to the vet. Dean’s a musician, and he doesn’t have the money. An agreement is reached: Dean goes, Castiel pays, and they’ll exchange details and meet again to work things out. But who gets the dog? Sooner or later they’re going to realise that having shared custody of one pitbull isn’t ideal. She needs one home, not two. One stable, loving home…

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Our Garden Home · 36.3k · G

Flower fairy Dean has caught a thief in his trap. As it turns out, it wasn’t a mouse stealing his food. It was Castiel: a hissy, bitey bat sprite with one wing and a forlorn, lonely heart. Dean offers a warm space in his nest, where Castiel can stay until Springtime comes around again. However, Castiel becomes more than just a guest. With a little effort, he helps make Dean’s nest a home.

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artmotherhoodandmadness · 3 years

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What Now?

Not written a blog for a while but I think I will start again. 2020 was a strange year for most of us due to Covid-19 and lock down, acute social isolation and increased uncertainty. It was also the year I was sectioned twice. When I think of how unwell I was and how badly I was treated at the hands of the police in Belgium it only makes me realise that I can never get unwell in a public space ever again. My time at Fond ‘Roy, the mental hospital, was humiliating and violating but eye opening because I went undercover and took photos when I was inside - something that is forbidden. I never thought I would have psychosis again, but it happened when I was in Europe. The psychosis was triggered after I was sexually assaulted by a famous Belgian singer in my own home. He attended one of my performances at L’Archiduc in Brussels and implied he wanted to collaborate, how could I have been so naive? I am still waiting to hear if the police have charged him. I believe the psychosis, which continued for four months, was my worst episode to date. It explains why I was taken from my hotel room during quarantine in Malaysia, I had painted all over the windows, in the bathroom, in the bath, on the plasma TV and made sculpture out of plastic. I was taped and put in a strait jacket and taken to hospital, arguably though I had done nothing to warrant such actions apart from create an art installation, I did the same when I was staying at Soho House in Amsterdam. However I was completely delusional and it got worse before it got better. It was only after I took Tolanz, an anti psychotic drug that I stopped thinking that I was the chosen one and the buildings were giant computers. During both episodes I lost data, I deleted followers on Instagram, I deleted all my facebook friends, professional relationships were compromised, old friendships, too, the fall out from each episode is always catastrophic. To deal with this as well as Covid, on top of that, it has been a bit much for everyone, the uncertainty is the worst, the not knowing what now? I feel I am facing an existential crisis regarding my work, for years I have religiously made art and now I am questioning why, I do not know how to do anything else, and so I will continue, but part of me is lost. Every year I would apply for a grant and get it and do a project in London but last year my project was cancelled due to Covid. I have had to totally rethink my practice now. I am awaiting to hear from the Arts Council, if I get my grant then I will feel yes, I can do this, I will be motivated to continue, but if I don't get the grant then I guess I will have to apply again and have a major rethink. Or maybe I should stop being an artist?

I completed two new books The Tree People and Pain = Alchemy = Transformation and in the latter I write about how I believe my psychosis is linked to trauma and also feelings of exclusion and not being good enough. I have been slogging as an artist for over 20 years and it feels that it is getting harder not easier, all these doubts have an impact on your mental health.

I started writing a new novel, called Living in a Painting, I feel that I would rather inhabit my paintings than be in the real world, the real world is just so competitive and full of noise and people, these days I cannot even manage to go to the shopping mall.

It will take a long time to recover from this last episode, I have been stable now for several months but my mood is flat, I do a bit of cycling, but my body wants dopamine, I have become addicted to a lethal cocktail of chemicals induced by unhealthy trauma bonds. It’s an insidious process whereby you become addicted to the peptides generated by abuse and trauma which is intensified by intermittent reinforcement. The abuser can be a parent, a sibling, a friend, a partner, these relationships can take many forms. Trauma bonds have punctuated my whole life and the pattern started in childhood. What is worse than the abuse is the addiction to the cortisol, the adrenaline, the fear, and you seek it out over and over again in other forms. In some ways then I am an addict, even though I do not smoke or drink or do drugs, I would say I am addicted to these chemicals and it’s hard to find a substitute. Now I am no longer psychotic or manic, only flat and depressed, I would say the depression is worse than the mania, at least when you are manic you feel some emotion.

I am seeing a new psychiatrist Dr S’s and I am on medication, I am not saying that I feel better, in fact I am chronically suicidal, which is the norm for me, but killing myself is not an option, I have to carry on. For years I was out of the mental health system, but I needed help and didn't seek it much to my detriment. It is not possible to manage my brain without some intervention, and that feels like a defeat in some ways. Art, music, exercise, none of it is helping right now. At least none of the meds I am on are causing weight gain, unlike the Tolanz, one of the pills Temesta makes me sleep but you cannot stay on Temesta too long, you can very quickly get addicted. Dr S’s says that I need to stabilise first because I am too fragile, and then we will try CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and EDMR, which involves rapid eye movement. It’s the first time that I am speaking about the CSA (Child Sex Abuse) to a professional since I recalled it in 2016. Dr S’s says that the way I remembered, which involved a hallucination, could have been a psychotic episode, but then how do you explain the flashbacks. One thing that he did say was that all my behaviour is symptomatic of someone who has had deep trauma. It was a great relief to hear this. I believe we all have had trauma and trauma impacts our psyche. The treatment that I am having is incredibly expensive, Dr S’s is apparently the best in his field, which is why I have decided to start blogging about it. Can he fix me? Can he help me? That is the question. I haven't had therapy and help for a long, long time, my problems are deep rooted, but Dr S’s believes that he can help, so I have to have faith then.

I only recently started doing iPad paintings, I was making them in 2010 and then I stopped, to date I have made about 20 (my aim is to make 100) when Dr S’s saw them he said they were scattered but I would say they reflect what is happening in my subconscious. I relate more to the world I create on my iPad than the actual one these days.

#whatnow

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delightfullydeafeningstudentlove · 6 years

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Are You Looking For Ways To Slow Down Aging?

If you have tried many anti-aging techniques and you cannot find one that suits you best, it may either be lack of knowledge or simply your implementation methods. Follow the tips provided in this article and you may find something that you have never tried before to help keep you looking young.

Keep your fruit intake high. Fruits are a great source of antioxidants, which help inhibit the aging process of our cells. They are also a great source of other vitamins that provide a host of benefits to our aging bodies. Use fruit as your desert instead of sugar filled treats as an easy way of getting them in your diet.

Eating legumes like beans and lentils are a yummy and easy way to stay looking young. Beans are an amazingly rich source of minerals that will keep your skin looking its best. These minerals help your skin hydrate which in turn keeps you looking young for years to come.

Switch away from real dairy to dairy substitutes like soy or almond milk. There have been quite a few studies linking dairy products with aging skin. If you want to avoid wrinkles as you age, put down the dairy. The substitutes that are on the market are healthy and tasty so give them a shot.

As we age, our body decreases in hormone production, such as testosterone and estrogen. You doctor may prescribe hormone replacement therapy drugs. These drugs can cause harmful side effects, so they should be taken under physician's supervision only.

Keep your friendships alive, and the aging process will be one of enjoyment. By working at these friendships, you are providing yourself with fuel, which gives you energy and provides you with love. Remember, that you are never too old to begin new friendships. Your new friend could be sitting at the next table to you in the coffee shop.

Osteoporosis is an unwelcome part of aging. It is the loss of bone density. There are many ways you can prevent or at least slow this down. One important tip is to limit or eliminate caffeine consumption. Caffeine causes the body to excrete calcium, the exact opposite of the effect you want!

Eat with your friends and your family. You can make a day of it with your family, and it does not have to be a holiday to do it. Prepare the meal together. Make it a meal of everyone's favorite foods, and teach them the way that you have prepared these kinds of food throughout their lives.

Your home should be much more than a house; make it yours. Even when we're older, life circumstances can cause us to depart from the place we believed we were going to call home forever. When you move to a new place, surround yourself with things that feel homey and cozy.

Get the proper amount of water each day! This is important as the years go by! Without proper hydration, your body will react in terrible ways. It could lead to things as serious as seizures, brain damage or even death. Buy a large jug that will hold eight glasses of water and fill it each morning. Make sure that it is empty by the time you go to bed.

Eat lots and lots of vegetables to slow the aging process and keep young. Evidence suggests that the damage from metabolism and toxins contribute to oxidative damage at a cellular level. There are many vegetables that are high in antioxidants which will protect the body from the oxidative stress of not eating right.

As you get older, fortify your diet with more healthy foods like fish, vegetables and fruits. As you age, your body becomes more sensitive to artificial ingredients that are found in processed foods. Keeping your diet full of healthier alternatives will save your body from the adverse effects of the artificial fillers.

If you are retired, try to find outlets to keep you involved in your community and keep friendships. Local schools often need volunteers, contact local schools in your area if this sounds like something fun for you to do. Keeping a social life can help fight off depression which sometimes can become overwhelming if you are on your own.

The most prevalent cause of hearing loss is aging. Hearing loss is also insidious. It happens so gradually that a person may be hard of hearing without realizing it. If you have not had your hearing tested, you should have a hearing checkup at least by the age of 50.

In conclusion, if you have tried all of the common ways that people use to keep themselves looking young but nothing is having the impact that you wish for, hopefully this article has helped. The advice provided will help you to not only maintain your youthful look but also bring you peace of mind.

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ghostie-hoe · 7 years

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Film Studies - Relationship between audience and production

The Princess diaries is a cult favourite amongst the younger demographic born in the early 200s and follows a young girl called Mia who is at the very bottom of the social ladder and finds out that she is in fact the princess of a small European country called Genovia by her grandmother. Films inflict feelings and impact onto audiences, in addition, audiences can impact the success of a film through fandom activities such as blogging, review writing, YouTube channels, writing fan fiction, websites, attending film premieres, collecting merchandise and being influenced to get into film production. Other films and shows can also help to promote a certain film by referencing it either directly or subtly that only fans of that film would understand. The Princess Diaries has been referenced in 90210, Orange Is The New Black, Bring it on and Miss Congeniality When the film was originally released in 2001, there would have been an active audience as social media wasn't as influential and part of everyday lives as it now. Audiences now would possibly be passive due to flourish in social Media, however, the timeless talent of Julie Andrews and the lighthearted humour would grip the audience and turn them into an active audience. The film is inspired by the popular Princess Diaries book series by teenage author Meg Cabot. Unlike most film adaptions of books, this film lives up to the expectations and standards of the books enough to satisfy the portion of the audience from the book series. However, some fans of the book series may not enjoy the slight change in the film. For example, in the books, Mia's father is alive but has testicular cancer and cannot conceive more children. Disney adapted the film and aimed it at families and therefore having her father be dead and her next in line to the Throne is easier for the younger demographic to understand and resonate with. The character of Mia's grandmother isn't supposed to be warm and friendly like Disney's Clarisse. However, as stated before, Disney adapts popular books into films and changes their origins to reflect on their family based audience and they wanted Julie Andrews for the part - someone who couldn't pull of the eccentric values of the original character - Julie's Clarice is much more toned down. In addition, Meg Cabot wasn't involved with the making of the film or the changes to the characters she created and I feel as though, the film would be far more satisfying if she were to have input. However, the books stay true to the tone of Mia being that she's resistant to take on Princess duties and just wants to get through her high school years. Despite Meg Cabots lack of contribution to the film, the following book after the release of the film references the film through the characters such as Lily being angry at the portrayal of her character, Lana being perfect and her Grandmother a warm and friendly soul. Not to mention the death of her father. Mia was Anne Hathaway's break through role and earned her many similar roles later on in her career such as Ella in Ella Enchanted and Fountine in Les Miserables, all films showcase Anne's vocal talent. Anne fit the character of awkward Mia perfectly through her clumsiness which was what actually landed her the role. The scene where Mia falls down on the bleachers wasn't in the original script, Anne herself fell and improvised and the producers decided to keep it in as it portrayed Mia's character perfectly. Apart of why the film fits the family genre is having Julie Andrews as Clarise. A huge portion of the audience would come from other classics such as The Sound of Music and Mary Poppins. Mary Poppins and Clarise are both warm and welcoming characters and therefore Julie was perfect for the role of Clarise. There is forms of intersexuality in this film as Mia goes from rags to riches in the beginning of the film after her makeover from normal girl to princess in relation to Sam in A Cinderella Story. Both of these characters have a glorifying moment where they walk down the stairs at an event and all eyes are on them. The Princess Diaries can be compared to both Mean Girls and Clueless as each of these films have the main character go through a transformation which changes the way they are treated in high school. Once bullied by viscous mean girls as they don't meet the expectations of social norms. Each of these films convey the struggle of being a teenage girl in high school. The producer, Marshall uses the same actors in his films and one who portrayed a waiter, Hector Elizondo quoted a line he used in Pretty Woman "It happens all the time." When Mia drops a grape at a dinner party and sets off a chain of laughter through the room. Social networking wasn't a huge factor in our society at the time and therefore films back then weren't widely discussed or advertised on social media. However, there were discussion boards and fan pages for the fans of the books. The film did have a trailer but that's the only involvement of social media within pre and post production. If the film were released now, there would be brand advertisement through Twitter including behind the scenes pictures and videos, trailers, fan made videos, Facebook pages, YouTube reviews, blog reviews, Tumblr fan accounts etc. The pre and post viewing of a film can be influenced by a few factors; how the individual watches it, where they watch it ect. If the audience member was dedicated enough to watch the trailers, read the books and interviews with the stars, it could raise their expectations for the film and the film could fail to reach their expectations - An example of this is Return to Oz, another Disney adaption. It failed to live up to the first film, starring a young Judie Garland - the film wasn't terrible - just incredibly dark and not suitable for children, in the sense that it would give them nightmares. The first film was a fun musical based comedy about friendship and adventure. In contrast, this film goes against everything the first film stood for and shows darker elements such as the character of Dorothy being in a state of depression - not being able to sleep after he first adventure in oz - and her Aunt Em puts her on a mental institution for electroshock therapy. Baring in mind, this is a Disney film. Dorothy's true agenda isn't addressed in this film, instead of being seen as a child with a vivid imagination, as most children are, her family are quick to identify her as mentally ill. This film is far more terrifying and sinister version of the original as Dorothy arrives in the ruins of Oz to find the people turned into stone by a woman who has a vast collection of woman's heads. The Demons of the story are psychotic wheelers, strange creatures with wheels in place of hands and feet. As I said before, the film wasn't terrible - just not what the audience was expecting. Trailers showcase the highlights and best points of the film - and sometimes this gives an expectation the film doesn't meet. Guardians of Galaxy 2, the second instalment to the franchise lived up to the hype and the incredible trailer. The film was gripping enough for me to watch it three times at the cinema. The storyline was incredible and the cinematic values - CGI, etc were phenomenal. Reading reviews of a film after watching it for yourself can be more giving than reading before to make a decision of wether to see it as the words of an individual can get into your head and affect your personal viewing pleasure. Reading reviews after can change your full prospective of the film. Viewing experience can impact the relationship between film and viewing - Watching a film alone on a phone or a tablet is a totally different experience to watching a film in a cinema with other audience members. The real experience is lost if watched at home as it doesn't have the same atmosphere as a cinema - especially if the film relies heavily on sound and picture. Watching at the cinema is magical as all sense heightened due to the darkness, screen size and sound. This adds to viewing pleasure. The audience also tends to be interactive wether that be laughing at humour or screaming at horror. The uses and gratifications theory suggest the four main pleasure viewers get from films such as personal identity, diversion, personal relationships and surveillance Most people watch films that reflect on their values or characteristics. Teenage girls may relate to Georgia from Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging as they struggle through high school in the boyfriend sector. Georgia is very relatable due to her awkwardness and being targeted by the villain of the film, Lindsey. Other people may watch films that reflect on a lifestyle they lead, for example, people who attend Universities or boarding schools are likely to watch films that showcase these things such as House Bunny or Wild Child. Diversion indicates audiences using cinema to escape reality. These types of audiences prefer supernatural or fantasy elements to their viewing pleasure, instead of a real life feel. An example of this comes from The Guardians of the Galaxy, Star Wars and Twilight. Some people may use films as a substitute for personal relationships. Films may contain a character that an individual would want to form a friendship or relationship with. Stories of friendship such as the Perks of being a wallflower is perfect for these kinds of audiences. Other audiences may find their viewing pleasure from surveillance, films that are education and breed information on a certain subject such as Saving Private Ryan which shows the struggles and triumphs of the war. As you can see from my analysis, the relationship between film and viewer are a complex one - yet one that is thoroughly engaging and fascinating

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