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#bc i had swapped days w him to go on a social distanced picnic on saturday
pdfbabe
·
4 years
Text
rsd machine go brrrrr oh fuck this meme is annoying im cloggin peoples dash i was never funny im annoying everyone and they wish i never existed
#i guess this is relatable hahaha but akso my day has juts been so bad
#anxiety was the worst it uad been in like 7 months and i realized i missed my benzos 3 doses in a row and was in a lil bit of withdrawal
#anyway i didnt get the chem done that was stressing me out so fuckin badly bc of how bad it was and neither did i get my laundry done i just
#fuxk man
#i know people think im kind sometimes maybe even funny but like also they hate me
#they hate me so bad and i should go back to hating myself
#like i KNOW the thoughts arent rational and hold no weight and i know its not true
#it still feels like its true as much as i argue w it
#idk its just a bad fucking day and i thought i had an exam tomorrow but actually its just getting posted tomorrow
#and i have a class discussion in a 100+ person zoom call at 8am
#and 3 other classes also tomorrow
#and then this fucking chem thing is due on wednesday
#and my head hurts im just fucking lonely and i miss things i never had and im so frustrated and disgusted at myself for just forgetting
#just thinking ot would be ok not to take my meds
#im addicted to them physiologically i could have grand mal seizures if i go 5 days without them
#and i just thought it would be fine bc im dumb!!! im never gonna be off medications
#i can 'function' kind of but i could never live independently with cooking every fucking day i can barely do it twice a week
#im bad at asking for help i know this
#my dad is cooking tomorrow so i can spend time w someone special to me
#bc i had swapped days w him to go on a social distanced picnic on saturday
#i just idk why i think anything
#and i KNOW this is negative unhealthy thinking i just. need to say it ig
#get it out
#how tf do i tag this
#vent
#vent tw
#tw negativity
#tw negative self talk
#rsd
#adhd
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