#im addicted to them physiologically i could have grand mal seizures if i go 5 days without them

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rsd machine go brrrrr oh fuck this meme is annoying im cloggin peoples dash i was never funny im annoying everyone and they wish i never existed

#i guess this is relatable hahaha but akso my day has juts been so bad #anxiety was the worst it uad been in like 7 months and i realized i missed my benzos 3 doses in a row and was in a lil bit of withdrawal #anyway i didnt get the chem done that was stressing me out so fuckin badly bc of how bad it was and neither did i get my laundry done i just #fuxk man #i know people think im kind sometimes maybe even funny but like also they hate me #they hate me so bad and i should go back to hating myself #like i KNOW the thoughts arent rational and hold no weight and i know its not true #it still feels like its true as much as i argue w it #idk its just a bad fucking day and i thought i had an exam tomorrow but actually its just getting posted tomorrow #and i have a class discussion in a 100+ person zoom call at 8am #and 3 other classes also tomorrow #and then this fucking chem thing is due on wednesday #and my head hurts im just fucking lonely and i miss things i never had and im so frustrated and disgusted at myself for just forgetting #just thinking ot would be ok not to take my meds #im addicted to them physiologically i could have grand mal seizures if i go 5 days without them #and i just thought it would be fine bc im dumb!!! im never gonna be off medications #i can 'function' kind of but i could never live independently with cooking every fucking day i can barely do it twice a week #im bad at asking for help i know this #my dad is cooking tomorrow so i can spend time w someone special to me #bc i had swapped days w him to go on a social distanced picnic on saturday #i just idk why i think anything #and i KNOW this is negative unhealthy thinking i just. need to say it ig #get it out #how tf do i tag this #vent #vent tw #tw negativity #tw negative self talk #rsd #adhd