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olderthannetfic · 1 year

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I'm in a fandom with a lot of virulent antis (surprise surprise, it's heavily dark source material and I don't know why they're here at all) and a lot of the pairings that aren't the main badwrong ship on ao3 now have DNI tags on them for shippers of the badwrong ship. I guess not enough to break the TOS (no direct threats?), but still full of stuff like "x shippers DNI", "get help you freaks", "You're disgusting" etc etc.

Its just... so frustrating. Like that's a pretty red flag for me that a fic probably is going to be in an immature writing style so I probably won't read it anyway, but every time I see it I just.... heave a big sigh. Why these people are in this fandom or on Ao3 at all I'll never know. Its not even helpful - the tags are there to help describe the fic, if I didn't want to see that kind of content I could just... avoid content that's tagged that way. Why even add that to a fic that's not even about those characters at all?

Honestly, my real question is.... Olderthannetfic, how do you do it?

I feel like I do it "right", in fandom, or at least I try. I always just block and move on. I don't follow the discourse where I can help it and block a lot of the relevant tags. I keep to a small circle of folks that have the same fun brainrot I do and have fun, generally. But this kind of stuff still slips through the cracks in a way that's unavoidable if you're ever online at all. To be honest, it still hurts a lot to see each time, and be reminded that some people seem to literally want me dead over reading a story. And I can't help the doubt and the self-flagellation that creeps in. Despite my best efforts, and all my research, and living to the ripe rip van winkle tumblr fandom spinster age of 27... I sometimes have a moment where I think, maybe I really am a freak or a degenerate, or an evil predator waiting to bloom.

Do you ever experience this? Does this feeling ever go away, or at least dull to a more bearable exasperated eye roll? Do you ever see these anti idiots grow up or grow out of this mindset? Is it just a matter of time, age or experience? Is there a point at which you felt like it affected you less, or perhaps it didn't affect you like that at all? Is there a secret to navigating it calmly and with confidence? Do you have any advice to give in the, er, art of not giving a fuck?

Why would I quail at a stupid child on the internet after coming out as queer when I was 14 in the 90s?

I grew up with very open-minded, supportive family aside from my mother's conviction that BDSM was something people were into because they'd been abused. Even then, I remember privately snickering because I was super kinky, and wouldn't that upset her given this silly world view?

I had it easy compared to most in the 90s, but I still saw a lot of nonsense, like good old Mom on the topic of kink or murders in the media. But I also spent a lot of time reading educational sexuality books that debunked myths about fantasies and kinkiness.

Maybe a firmer grounding in sexuality stuff would help you? Nancy Friday's work on women's fantasies is a common starting point. I'm partial to The Topping Book, which is full of "it's great to be a top, actually" and not "you only do it for the sub".

Getting older does usually help though. Most 20-somethings are insecure in their sense of self. Middle age is when people's fucks generally run out, and that only continues to grow. Watch a stupid child go after some 60-something zine writer lady. She's going to laugh in their faces. Some people remain insecure forever, I suppose, but not anybody who had to woman up to be in fandom in the first place.

It's not just that these little idiots are wrong about us being predators: it's that they are the morally degenerate ones for spreading the psychological equivalent of "vaccines cause autism" or "Jews want to steal your Christian babies".

This idea that The Bad People are infiltrating our minds with their propaganda overlaps heavily with anti-semitic conspiracy theory right wing fundie nutjob ideas, and yet these young fools claim to be pro-queer and pro-civil rights. They're an embarrassment to any progressive movement and it disgusts me.

When someone goes "You're not a Christian, so you're going to hell", do you have a moment when you wonder?

Because that's the level of absurdity here.

Even if they don't bully, even if they don't include threats in their DNIs, the fact that they're spreading myths about sexuality that have been thoroughly debunked many times means they're doing something unethical, anti-intellectual, and anti-science.

I'm not afraid or guilty. I'm embarrassed for them.

Do antis grow out of it? Yes, frequently.

They are—either literally or functionally—victims of right wing Christian cults. They have the same trajectory of realizing they've been had and slowly trying to work through the raging guilt and religious trauma.

I have limited patience but some sympathy. Like other victims who were indoctrinated to hurt people, escaping the cult is hard. It means not only giving up your false sense of safety and all of your friends but facing what you've done.

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incarnateirony · 2 years

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What/who is 2po and what is M&G? I see them in your posts a lot and I can't come up with the definition for the life of me 💜

2po: Fandom misinformation troll. Uses the name TeamFreeWill2pointO (tumblr)/TFW2pointo(twitter) to lure in unsuspecting fans while putting on an I Ship Destiel badge, but his wall is nothing but Jared praise, shitting down on Destiel, saying it has to stay in subtext, and blaming hellers for everything, but he feigns being In The Know (ITK) by trading fan whispers, and tries to joust his rumors against my production leaks.

his sources are antis that just got busted for screaming physical threats for hellers hellering in unapproved spaces at a con, eg, asking questions in the Cockles M&G. hence all the bird imagery. i have little birdies waiting for them to stunt like this, and it's expanding in scale monumentally now. 2po, gayle and suzanne's fuckup just birthed into a new movement that's going to make cons hell for all of them

M&G: Meet and Greet: High cost VIP events at conventions that are sealed behind NDAs (nondisclosure agreements, say shit, get sued). 2po peddled these as whispers and lied about the contents for years to charge up wincest shippers and antis while shitting down on heller hopes and spreading his nonsense in the Profound Bond server. It's all word manipulation and deletion.

My server identified his sources and put eyes on them waiting for them to mess up, because the NDA prevented anyone from actually correcting him, and they did. So while he tried his normal thing of lying through it online and deleting shit, I pulled the trigger on the actual contents, which he accidentally verified as real after denying it, by threatening to report it for an NDA infraction. Cuz you can't report it if it wasn't true. But he talked himself into the dirt.

Then realized it was his own sources that fucked up and said it on main, so he couldn't even retaliate, which is exactly the kind of fuckup we were waiting for.

He's a career liar and grifter that projects those accusations at everyone else, and exists wholly to dishearten hellers and give wincest shippers and antis an illusionary bubble of dialogue where they're still the ones being pandered to.

If you want an idea I leaked the pilot for Winchesters february and knew for more reasons than I can ever explain it was real while he squealed like a stuck pig it was fake. I told them all it was about Dean learning from his parents life to find his peace, including the complexities of their life, loss, love, machinations of chuck, issues he has to unpack, letting go and moving on, learning from them and ultimately collecting it into getting to say what he wasn't allowed in the OG property.

For obvious reasons they also wailed against this, refused, because their perfect finale was perfect, and they were convinced jensen loved it and would never do this, and this wasn't, according to 2po, about letting go, moving on, or learning from your parents. And I don't know how to explain how off course he is beyond just pointing at the first three episodes and saying listen to jensen's narration if the episode itself is too Big Brain for him to figure out the sUbTeXt.

Like I'm still where I was before the Deadline hit. This story is exactly what I said and deancas is down the road and they need to cope. But he's gonna keep wheezing out his fake bad sources like a bad prophet to the end, denying the obvious.

youtube

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daxieoclock · 2 years

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Top 5 KH keyblades

ty for the ask! almost all of these are gonna be from Days djhbfgjhb cause that game had the best keyblades

Honorable mention goes to Oathkeeper and Oblivion. Neither of these two are that amazing on their own, they're probably the best of KH1s blades but neither are my favorite in the series, but together? Holy shit, together they're AMAZING. It's like they're made to be used together. Roxas getting to dual wield these bad boys just about broke my g-ddamn mind as a kid, and I was always so sour about the fact that we only got access to that moveset for one boss fight. And back then, we didn't even have the fight against Dual-Wield Roxas, cause it was a Final Mix addition and was still exclusive to Japan.

#1. Myosotis Horizon. This one doesn't have an actual canon name, but it's Xion's final form keyblade in Days. The name itself was something I came up with, and i got david my friend @maverickflare on the name train as well hehehe. As for why I like it, besides that Xion is still my fav character of all time, it's just...elegant. It's got a simple and beautiful design, the color scheme is absolutely gorgeous, and it includes the Nobody symbol in a really subtle way that doesn't distract from the core design. Just...fucking awesome.

#2. Missing Ache. Another of my previous tumblr URLs, Missing Ache is a Days blade that managed to make it into KHuX, and as much as I hate that game for its greediness, absolute horseshit nonsense story and awful awful paper-thin art style...having a mechanic to evolve Keyblades into stronger and cooler-looking forms? That was a fucking genius idea and I hope it comes back in a future game that doesn't suck.

And Missing Ache is one of the best examples, going from gorgeous and simple to an Ultima-contender with tons of ornamentation and really pretty colors. Blue and green were a phenomenal additions to the gold and black color scheme, and I love the way the evolved guards feel like they're opening up and spreading their wings. It's so good. Character development in a keyblade.

#3. Two Become One. Just...look at this fucking thing. It's the Roxas keyblade, and I fucking LOVE it. It's got such a cool base design, with...I don't even know how to describe that guard, it just looks awesome. Ridged and spiked ring. It's rad. And then the blade??? What the fuck even is that!?!? I don't know and I don't care, it's fucking awesome. It's got the cool black and silver dealio, Roxas's chess-board pattern as the handle, and his necklace as the keychain. It's amazing.

4. Aubade. Another Days blade, and this one is probably my favorite take on an end-game weapon in the series. As much as I enjoy the different Ultima Weapons in theory, in practice their designs have always felt way way way too busy for my liking.

5. Lost Memory. This one is probably the worst-utelized blade in the series, and I'm still so grumpy about it. For those who don't know, in Birth By Sleep, each of the main 3 characters (Terra, Aqua and Ventus) start with a unique keyblade, and then near the end of the story receive a "true" or upgraded version of that keyblade. Terra's Earthshaker becomes Ends of the Earth. Aqua's Rainfell becomes Stormfall. And Ventus's Wayward Wind becomes Lost Memory.

EXCEPT IT FUCKIN DOESN'T. While Aqua ends up losing her keyblade near the end of BBS, and carries Eraqus's Masters Defender into the Realm of Darkness, Stormfall is treated as her canonical keyblade, being seen both next to her armor and wielded by her during KH2FM's added cutscenes and secret ending. Ends of the Earth is even more definitive, as it's wielded not only by Terra's Lingering Will during 2FM's secret ending, but also by said will AND by Terra himself during KH3. But Ventus? STILL has Wayward Wind the entire way through BBS, the secret ending of 2FM, and his appearance in KH3. He never actually uses this upgraded keyblade, which is hot nonsense because it looks AWESOME.

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sharpace · 2 years

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I'm back again with more gamer au nonsense cuz you have ruined me XD

They're both recommended Fortnite by a youngster in Jayce's family and Jayce has never regretted something more.

He spends most of his time trying to build an entire house mid-fight because he finds the build mechanic too fun to not abuse.

Viktor however is a tyrant, he stands on the roof of said 'home' and snipes the living daylights out of anyone who comes at all within range, laughing manically the entire time.

Eventually someone RPGs him off the roof and he sulks about it for a while.

Jayce's problem came when they started allowing auto fill for fun. Vik spent the entire time giving frantic instructions in Russian just to confuse their new party member. Jayce had to try and guess what he was actually saying and translate for them (and himself) but gettin it wrong meant being blocked in a room by Vik.

Many Russian games and a few stuttering kids later, Jayce uninstalls the game from both their PCs. It was fun but he doesn't think his blood pressure can take it.

Vik watches him do this with that daft little grin cats have when they know they've broken something.

***

Jayce enjoys playing Zelda in the living room and Vik backseat games but only in one regard.

He makes s little game for himself where he waits for Jayce to clear and area then tells him how many vases/pots he missed on his journey.

He then leaves Jayce to scramble through the entire area again with only cryptic hints to guide him. Sometimes helping properly if he sees him getting genuinely frustrated.

He takes personal offense if Jayce gives up and leaves the area.

***

Vik discovers cooking mama and, with each level completed, their grocery list gets just a tad longer.

These experimental meals are done purely with the game as reference and can either become delicious dinners or kitchen horrors.

There was a time Jayce was tempted into the kitchen by the fire alarm to see the stove alight, Rio covered in flour and Vik sat on the floor - his cane embedded in the wall across the room.

Jayce knows true fear when Viktor completes levels en masse and spends most of his week supervising him each time he's in the kitchen. Their insurance is dwindling.

***

They dabble in a bit of Overwatch! Jayce immediately zones in on Reinhardt - big metal tank man with a giant party sized shield - because obviously.

Vik starts off with Sombra because he likes stealthy characters so being able to turn invisible and drop behind a team to start popping shots is entirely his forteit.

Then he discovers Bastion, a friendly robot who has an immobile form with a rotary cannon. N Jayce being the reliable tank with a shield... no one was safe. Sometimes you can hear him chuckle as he sits on the point downing entire teams at once.

He once spite mained Moira for an entire month after someone made a rude comment during a game he played as her. You've ever wanted a more aggressively passionate healer.

Jayce missed his insane robo partner though. Was very pleased when he started playing him again.

***

Tumblr nuked this ask midway through and I felt physical pain...

Aight that's all I have for now. Your art is positively gorgeous and gives me so many ideas from stuff that I play myself XD

I hope you don't mind me flooding your inbox with these long asks? If you prefer I can cut them into 1 game per ask n spread them out thru the week or I can be on my way completely if you find them too overwhelming!

Either way, hope you're doing well and having fun <3

Fortnite remains a touchy topic between them

This is so so so delightful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!! This is always such a delight to read. I don’t mind the long asks!! But I will tag it as “long post” for any followers who want to avoid them! Win win for everyone.

#sharp ask #arcane #jayvik #gamer AU #also sorry this was delayed #I was one part busy one part sick this weekend so had to take some time away fro #m the online #long post #but aaaaah this was such a delight to get #100% what I needed

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bhadpodcast · 3 years

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Prince has a way of trying to take what other people do well - point out his many hypocrisies - but then he tries to employ the method while blatantly ignoring the rules for how to use it.

For example, I've accused some of he and his buddies of infiltrating my inbox back in the day. But I did that knowing they have a very distinct way of talking. Pew sees this, and instead of actually thinking about who it could be, he just knows its someone who doesn't like him (not the shortest list, bud) and he strikes.

I've written 21 Articles and went to events all over LA for the last 2 weeks. Before that was prep. I haven't thought about Prince or really even Tumblr. Also, Prince knows good and well that if I were to be anon that I'll sign my asks.

So why would he do this? Because he knows I'm a defender of fandom. And when they go off the rails like this and start attacking fandom as a whole more than likely I'm going to say something about it.

But what he's failed to notice is that I've figured out that by reblogging I'm just spreading his nonsense. And so. I don't really operate like that anymore. I'd rather talk to the person in their sights and let them know they're not alone and they don't have to take your crap. You blindside these newbies thinking your aggression will make them love Scott and all it does is show that y'all don't really have any friends or meaningful relationships yourself.

Lastly, Prince trying to act like all fanfic has to be canon is canon in and of itself. Literally in the same paragraph he says people can write fae Stiles and he has the right to criticize it. Also, he's legit said and endorsed others saying that if Scott isn't the main character and sure they've worked out a mathematical percentage of how much makes you not racist. God forbid you have any racial identifiers though, bc then you're stereotyping and that's racist. Scott being white-washed is enough, as long as it's Scott. And no you big sillies, other characters don't count. How dare you write about Boyd or Mason and think that doesn't make you racist! Were they worshipping Scott there? I didn't think so! Ya racist!

Lastly lastly (Ms. Jackson if you're nasty), this idea that Pew doesn't have to tag anti-Stiles bc the Stiles we like isn't the real Stiles is bunk bc a) then why are you talking about him?, and b) if it's not Stiles then why are you using the Stiles tag to begin with? I don't tag my post Pew and then talk about what a sane rational person you are. If it's not Stiles then don't tag it Stiles, simple as that.

But then I guess even fewer people would read your stuff and god forbid you not get your attention high.

I'm not one to be like "get a hobby" or den be like "you're too old for this" but seriously, get a hobby, dude, you're too old for this.

And what I mean is you're too old to be this invested in anything that doesn't provide you with some type of joy. And if arguing semantics and highkey judging and hurting people gives you joy, you really need to figure out why that is.

#Anti antis #Pew #Anti pew #Lol #😂#Twfp

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getmemymicroscope · 3 years

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So, when this movie came out, there were a couple of selling points in the trailer: George Clooney, Hugh Laurie, and the idea of a glimpse of a 'future' that was better than the nonsense that we're turning this planet into. The hope that maybe, just maybe, things were slightly salvageable.

And while Clooney and Laurie were good, what really made the movie fun while watching it were the other 2 main characters: Casey (Britt Robertson) and Athena (Raffey Cassidy). Athena, especially, was great, but even just the interactions between the two of them - right on from the first bit of repeated yelling - was entertaining. And Athena kicking ass was nice, even if it came at the expense of Key (he of Key & Peele fame) and who we now better know as Agatha (not that Kathryn Hahn wasn't amazing before, but, let's be honest - it's Agatha).

The downside, I guess, was that so much time was spent in the now that other than a glimpse of this 'future' all you really get, when you finally get there, is this extradimensional place (more than just 'the future' sort of thing) ... and Casey pretty much gets there and is told "you need to fix it." That's it ... she needs to 'fix' the future, or whatever it is, in the 30 mintues before the movie ends.

Which, well, we're not idiots - there's no quick fix for the future. So sure, they have a battle/fight, and things end well enough (poor Athena - the one person, well droid, that you really care about), but the end result is just: we need to tell people to be better, and find the dreamers who haven't given up hope. Which is, of course, very true for the world we live in, but like ... I don't know. I want to see more of this future/better place. It seems nice.

Of course, while maybe slightly preachy, the movie does have a point. The problem is, of course, that the majority of people - or, at least, the majority of people with the power/position to do something about it - don't give a damn. Because, to them, it doesn't really matter. If the world is in trouble, they'll be the people who can buy their way into space, or whatever it is, anyways.

And then, equally on point is this speech (below) by Hugh Laurie's character. He might not be the most 'good' person, but he's got a point - and the fact that he's the bad guy for trying to look out for himself in a world of people who only look out for themselves is kinda unfortunate. Don't get me wrong, dreamers are great, but they need the help of people in charge to make a difference. And the people in charge don't care to make a difference, because they're profiting just fine from how things are now. And that's all that matters to them.

Let's imagine... if you glimpsed the future, you were frightened by what you saw, what would you do with that information? You would go to... the politicians, captains of industry? And how would you convince them? Data? Facts? Good luck! The only facts they won't challenge are the ones that keep the wheels greased and the dollars rolling in. But what if... what if there was a way of skipping the middle man and putting the critical news directly into everyone's head? The probability of wide-spread annihilation kept going up. The only way to stop it was to show it. To scare people straight. Because, what reasonable human being wouldn't be galvanized by the potential destruction of everything they've ever known or loved? To save civilization, I would show its collapse. But, how do you think this vision was received? How do you think people responded to the prospect of imminent doom? They gobbled it up like a chocolate eclair! They didn't fear their demise, they re-packaged it. It could be enjoyed as video-games, as TV shows, books, movies, the entire world wholeheartedly embraced the apocalypse and sprinted towards it with gleeful abandon. Meanwhile, your Earth was crumbling all around you. You've got simultaneous epidemics of obesity and starvation. Explain that one! Bees and butterflies start to disappear, the glaciers melt, algae blooms. All around you the coal mine canaries are dropping dead and you won't take the hint! In every moment there's the possibility of a better future, but you people won't believe it. And because you won't believe it you won't do what is necessary to make it a reality. So, you dwell on this terrible future. You resign yourselves to it for one reason, because *that* future does not ask anything of you today. So yes, we saw the iceberg and warned the Titanic. But you all just steered for it anyway, full steam ahead. Why? Because you want to sink! You gave up! That's not the monitor's fault. That's yours.

Yes, no. He's 100% on point. Preachy or not, that needs to be the message from this movie. Sadly, nothing has changed. The companies and people in charge, the ones that can help start righting this ship, see no immediate/short-term monetary benefit in it, so they won't. Because that's all that matters.

Back to the point - the movie wasn't bad. I really liked the Athena character a lot. Kicks ass, is funny, saves the day, and continues to have hope all the way to the end. The whole 'shut down if you ask too many questions' thing was splendid too.

#movies #movieblr #gmmm does movies

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boredom-reigns · 4 years

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Ken Amada : Character Introspection

Persona 3 and some P4:AU Spoilers!

Ken Amada is honestly one of my favourite Persona 3 characters. I know the way his character arc was handled was somewhat flawed (like when he basically doesn't matter after the closure of Oct. 4), but I still love him a lot nevertheless.

My main problem is honestly the fact that a lot of people in the fandom hate him so much it can get grating, especially if it's for nonsensical reasons (like him apparently being the cause of Shinjiro's death even though the person who shot the guy was right there).

I mean, not liking characters is fine. I respect other people's opinions. But spreading misinformation based on a misinterpretation of a scene is... yeah.

Note: These are my opinions and interpretations of his character based on P3 and P4:AU. Other opinions and interpretations are welcome!

First off, like most Persona characters, Ken's character is based off an archetype. Ken's archetype, you could say that it's based on the Adorably Precocious Child trope. He's acts too mature for his age, even trying to hide his childishness by denying the fact he watches Featherman and saying that he drinks black coffee.

But this maturity came at a cost. From the little glimpses of childishness that Ken has shown (for example, the movie showing event where he's basically jumping up and down in happiness because the superhero movie was so cool!) along with his reinforcement of the idea that no, he's capable even at 11 years old (one of his battle voice lines is "Don't underestimate me because of my age") makes me believe that he wasn't always like this. He was forced to mature due to circumstances or he forced himself to mature due to circumstances.

What was this circumstance?

Obviously, the death of his mom.

Ken's mom is a huuuggeee part of his life and basically affected him a lot. Her death made him what he was today. First is that he saw her get murdered right in front him. Of course he's going to be traumatised. Not only that, he had something to direct his anger and hatred to (I'll talk about that later).

But when he told people about what he saw, nobody believed him, obviously. But remember this, Ken was a kid. He was 9 at the time. And he was 100% sure that what he saw was real. When he was being basically labeled as a liar because everyone won't believe him and just treated him as some fragile, traumatised kid, he's going to lash out. He knew it was real yet everyone just thinks that he was lying. He didn't think that obviously no one would believe him because he was deep in grief and hatred. He wanted justice. But no one would help him because everyone's saying that it was an accident. And he hated that.

He had a target to hate, yet he was powerless to inflict punishment (his idea of "justice") on that target.

So he wanted to be capable. If no one's going to help him, then so be it. He'll do his own justice. So Ken forced himself to grow up. He forced himself to be more mature, copying the image of capability he believes in.

Another thing that possibly added to Ken forcing himself to mature is the way people treated him afterwards. To outsiders, he was a traumatised kid. Ken says in his conversation with Shinjiro that he just receives pity no matter where he goes and he hates that pity.

I've seen LPs where they're like "huh, but isn't that good?" to that line. Speaking as someone who has lost a loved one and dealed with other people who lost a loved one, expressing pity is a balancing act.

It's hard to express pity because people deal with grief differently and some people despise pity when they're grieving. Some people are of the mentality of "what use is your pity because it's not going to bring them back!". Being treated differently because you lost someone or being treated as some fragile person made of glass who's going to have a breakdown at any time is horrible. Moving on can be so hard when everyone is tiptoeing around you. And I think that's what Ken felt.

What Ken needed during his grieving was someone who would support him. Someone who believed in him. He didn't need someone who just stood along the sidelines and pitied him. He needed someone who actually approached him and bothered to listen. I feel like that was what Ken was looking for: someone to listen to him. Because everyone around him never listens and just calls him off as a liar. He had no support system whatsoever. He was staying alone in the elementary school dorm and from the convenience store bentos in his room that can be seen in P3D, you can infer that he was forced to take care of himself for 2 years. For 2 years, all he got was financial support and never the needed emotional support.

Because of this, he was left to internalise his grief which then evolved into hatred. He didn't have anybody anymore. There was no point in living for him because his mom, his light, was gone. No one else was there to give him a reason to live. No family, no friends, no one who believes in him. Ken felt that it was only him against the world.

So why should he keep on living?

And this is where the idea that he has a target enters in. This target of his hatred became his one and only purpose. Why? Because it was the only thing that was there for him. He had no one and nothing. The only thing he had in life was this target of his extreme hatred. The target for his justice. Giving the rightful punishment to this target became his only purpose in life to the point that after killing Shinjiro, he was going to kill himself. Ken's only reason to live was to kill Shinjiro for revenge.

As for his entire "Mom would've wanted this.", I feel like that's more of him trying to justify his actions. He had a target of his giref: Shinjiro. He wanted to kill Shinjiro because Shinjiro killed his mom. But murder is a very daunting task. Even Ken hesitated. I feel like he just justified himself with "Mom would've wanted this." so he can do it. Because killing Shinjiro is the only thing left in life for him. It's the only thing he can do now. He had no reason for living other than Shinjiro's death. So he tried to justify it so he would be able to get through doing it and to give him more reasons as to why he should really do it and not hesitate.

On October 4, it was an utter disaster especially when Takaya (*cough* Shinjiro's real killer *cough* people who keep insisting that Ken is the killer) arrived. At this part, Ken finds out about Shinjiro's drug deal. He loses his shit because he finds out that Shinjiro's going to die early anyway no matter what he does. Killing Shinjiro at this point felt like knocking someone who was already down. It had no point. And because killing Shinjiro had no point, Ken's entire purpose for living had no point. So... He had no purpose.

And this was why Ken went "I have no reason to live."

Other things we can actually see on October 4 is that Ken does care about SEES. He joined SEES with ulterior motives but in the end, he cares. He pretended that he was the navigator to make sure that Takaya won't find out about Fuuka and that Takaya would target him. The time he spent in SEES was most likely the most emotional support he got (and that's kinda sad because SEES is like the most dysfunctional party out of all the Persona games (except maybe P2:EP?)). He got people who saw the same things he saw, people who understood him. He got people who actually bothered to talk to him and listen. Heck, you can even bring him to the movies which I'm sure is great because who knows how long has that kid haven't seen a movie or had fun. There's people who actually don't treat him with so much pity. That fact that you can bring him to Tartarus, I think he's glad about that because he's not underestimated. Ken was respected in SEES as an equal and he appreciated it.

After the entire Oct. 4 shenanigans, Ken has learned to look into himself. He realized his mistakes, his deep hatred blinding him, but most of all, he found a reason to live. He finally moved on, and decided to live as that was what his mom and Shinjiro would've truly wanted.

Then fast forward to P4:AU we can see that he's indeed living. He's pretty much the most popular guy in school, he's in Student Council, and he's even in the soccer club. But he can't fully live yet.

If you've P3 episode of P4:AU, you'd play the Ken vs Shadow Ken part which actually reveals a lot about post-P3 Ken. If you haven't, watch it here.

Ken can't be 100% content with his current life. He feels fake, being a child again, going to school normally and having friends his age to talk and laugh with. This is because of how much his past has destroyed his childhood. He was forced to mature, forced to see things his age shouldn't see, forced to experience things that he shouldn't experience that age. No one his age could understand. They were too innocent while the ones who could understand him (SEES) were too old.

An interesting thing about his entire image post-P3 is that he was basically the "ideal student". He was handsome, smart, athletic, responsible, etc. It makes me wonder if he got that image because it was what he thought was what living was (which his mom and Shinjiro wanted) or because that was what people expected of him. I can see him trying to be more of a child because people expected him to be lighter as the entire Tartarus-Nyx dilemma was gone. I can also see him forcing himself to be more of a child as he feels the obligation to take back the childhood he lost. But that's it, he forced himself. He's not content because for him, he's fake.

Ken's fake he only wanted to fight and this affects him. I think he wanted to fight because that felt the closest to his true self: who he was when he was with SEES. He wanted to help the Shadow Operatives because it was the only environment he can be 100% honest to himself. No pretending that he had a normal life. It was living as him, with people who knew him. In the end, it circles back to the point that he finds fighting Shadows as a purpose to live.

This chapter also showed that Shinjiro still affects him. He blames himself for what happened on October 4, with his monologues saying that he committed a mistake in relation to Shinjiro's death. Shinjiro is an important person to him and his death was very much impactful.

Then Ken fights his fake, where he says that he's been "conceited" and "didn't understand anything at all". I take this as a point of enlightenment for him. What he didn't understand was "living". He followed a mold that be felt he should follow. He thought that he could only feel true to himself by only fighting supernatural creatures. He realised that he wasn't truly living at this point. He thought he understood that he was living like how his mom and Shinjiro wanted but he wasn't. He was still stuck in the past.

This was why I loved his epilogue. In his epilogue, he decides to quit the Shadow Operatives. He decides that it was time for him to move on from their dark past and continue living, not only for his mom and Shinjiro, but also for himself. He thinks that it was better for him this way. He gets to regain his childhood.

His fangirls notice that he's become less distant and more warm to approach, showing signs that he's beginning to open up to people. Despite the fact that he can never tell people about the whole Shadows and Personas, he can still make new bonds. He doesn't have to be stuck on one bond.

This doesn't mean he's abandoning SEES. He still recognises his string bond with them, one might even say that they're family at this point. But just because he has a bond with them doesn't mean he should only restrict himself to them. He can make new, true bonds that aren't fake.

He finds out how to truly live. He just enjoys the moment and finally lets go, showing his inner child.

Ken's character is all about the purpose of life. Because even if life is so hard it feels like death, there's always a reason to live. Even if you can't find your purpose to live now, you will find it someday.

#persona 3 #persona 4 arena ultimax #ken amada #shinjiro aragaki #character introspection #i love him if you couldn't tell #im also curious about other people's interpretations #long post

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