#before the bro was born and I was the only child in the whole fam

[electricyoshi]

Eldest grandchild pressure... like not just the eldest of my siblings but the eldest of all the grandchildren on my dad’s side... why do I feel this pressure when I’ve never even had living grandparents on that side... and it’s not like I’m competing with anyone?? My brother is 2 years younger and we don’t compete and then my 2 cousins are literal children who are still in elementary school... I think it’s just the feeling of getting older and being aware that people have expectations for you, and that they feel entitled to those expectations, whether that’s right or not

#my aunt texted me a picture last night of her holding baby me #before the bro was born and I was the only child in the whole fam #like the only grandchild of my dad’s deceased parents #and I know my aunt sees herself as the matriarch of the family cause she’s the eldest of her siblings and the only girl #and she’s not married and has no kids so she’s got lots of time to try and be a matriarch for everybody else #even tho she is not #but don’t tell her that #anyway it was a sweet photo but now I’m just getting in my head about it #once I was a baby now I’m an adult that’s all there is to it Thea calm down #anyway that was personal

[broodingmuscle]

Lil Bro Muscles Up, Finale added

Eighteen year old Jimmy looked in the mirror. Damn he looked good, he thought. Broad shoulders, nice muscles, damn handsome, if he said so himself. “Those Boston College girls won’t know what hit ‘em,” he growled. His beat up Corolla was all packed, all that was left to do was say goodbye to his lil bro, Roy. He felt a bit guilty leaving town for college. Nerdy Roy, only fifteen but going into his junior year since he skipped Grade Four, couldn’t count on the protection of his big bro anymore. He felt worse about leaving Roy to fend for himself than he felt about leaving Cindy, his girlfriend. She was hot, but he was going to be playing the field with college girls, he couldn’t stay attached to a high school senior.

“RoyBoy!” he yelled at his little bro as he stood at the front door. “Gonna miss you, bro! You gonna be okay?”

“Don’t worry about me, Jimmy,” his lil bro smiled. “I’m gonna use your weights in the basement to get big and strong, like you!”

Jimmy looked at the scrawny limbs of his shrimpy lil bro. He grabbed his upper arm, which was so thin, Jimmy’s fingers touched when he closed his hand. Those little dumbbells in the basement might not be up to the task. “Alright, RoyBoy, I wanna feel some muscle here when I come back for Columbus Day weekend.”

Roy winced. “You know they’re calling it Indigenous People’s Day on college campuses now, right, bro? Maybe it’s me that needs to worry about you, dummy!”

Jimmy laughed and picked his lil bro up and threw him over his shoulder, then spun in place like a helicopter. Roy giggled and yelled. “Put me down you big goof!”

Jimmy dumped him on floor and towered over him, flexing his biceps. “That’ll teach you to call your big bro a dummy.” Roy grinned and stood up, losing his balance. Jimmy righted him by putting his hand on his skinny shoulder. So thin, he thought.

“Okay, RoyBoy, I’m outta here. You do your workouts and make sure Mom feeds your skinny ass.”

He stuck out his hand to his bro, and Roy looked at it funny, but then shook it. They’d never shook hands before, and Jimmy noted that weirdly, his hand was only slightly bigger than Roy’s.

“You hear me?” Jimmy warned with a grin.

Roy squeezed Jimmy’s hand and cocked an eyebrow. “I’ll make you proud, big bro.”

Jimmy pulled up into the driveway at 11 PM after a five hour drive had turned into an eight hour drive due to an accident on the interstate. He was irritable that he missed dinner with the fam. He’d been more homesick than he expected going to college. He was looking forward to hanging out with his lil bro and folks, and maybe even calling up Cindy. With his good looks, he’d scored a lot of sex in his first month on campus at BC, but it all felt kind of empty. He realized that he’d had more of a connection with his high school girlfriend than he thought. He hadn’t texted her though, he thought they should talk in person.

Jimmy opened the front door with his key and all was dark and quiet inside. He walked into the kitchen where his mother had left a plate of food and a note:

“Welcome home honey! Too tired to wait up. Reheat this 2 min on high. Guest bedroom all made up for you. Sleep well and see you in the morning! xoxo”

Jimmy put the plate of food in the microwave and then looked at the note again. Guest bedroom? Is that what they were calling his bedroom now? Geez, he’d only been gone six weeks. The microwave dinged and he tested the food but it was only lukewarm, so he put it in another two minutes and then picked up his duffel bag and went upstairs to drop it in his room.

As he opened the door he practically gagged at the smell. The room reeked. Jimmy covered his mouth and nose with his hand. He looked around and saw that the furniture and posters on the walls were those of his lil bro Roy. “What the hell?” he thought.

There were dirty clothes strewn everywhere, as well as wadded up balls of tissue paper. Gross! He picked his way across the cluttered room to open the window. At least now there was some flow of air.

“Jimmy, you’re home!”

He turned to see his lil bro Roy at the door. Before he could say anything Roy had crossed the room in an instant and hugged his big bro tight.

“RoyBoy! It’s good to see you!”

Roy’s hug was so touching, Jimmy couldn’t be mad at him for taking his old room. Roy’s head was plastered against Jimmy’s t-shirt and his sweaty arms wrapped around his chest.

“But, man, lil bro. You stink!”

Roy let go of his tight hug and looked up into his big bro’s eyes. His face was sweaty and his brown hair was soaked.

“Ugh, I know, sorry Jimmy. I just ran all the way from Cindy’s.”

Cindy’s place was at least six miles from here. “What were you doing there?”

“We’re doing a school project together.”

Jimmy frowned. “But she’s a senior.”

“Oh yeah, I guess you wouldn’t have heard. I’m skipping Grade 11. That shit was just too easy for me.”

“Language, RoyBoy!” Jimmy was amazed and proud of his lil bro’s news, but he’d never known him to swear.

“Haha Jimmy you’re funny. You look good, big bro, you still working out?”

Jimmy laughed. “Of course, kiddo, it’s a lifestyle y’know.”

“Show me, big bro!” Roy gripped Jimmy’s right upper arm and squeezed.

“Oww, quit it!”

“Sorry big bro, did that hurt?”

Jimmy pulled his arm way. “Of course not, smelly! I just wasn’t flexing.” Jimmy put his hand around his lil bro’s arm. He could still make his fingers touch. “And I thought you were going to put on some muscle yourself while I was gone. You slacking, lil bro?”

“As if, big bro. It’s just that...”

In a flash, Roy pulled off his red t-shirt.

“...I wasn’t flexing!”

Jimmy stepped back and looked at his lil bro. He still looked skinny, but it almost looked like he had abs now. Then Roy flexed his arms and the muscles popped out.

Jimmy smiled. “Good for you, bro, you got little biceps!”

Roy grinned. He relaxed his arms and then flexed his right biceps right in Jimmy’s face. Was it Jimmy’s imagination or did it peak a little higher? “Feel it bro.” Roy said, excited.

Jimmy hesitated. The stench from Roy’s armpit, which had a tangle of dark hair in it now, was overpowering. “Nah, man.”

Roy suddenly looked angry. “I said feel it!” His voice this time was deeper, and insistent.

Jimmy immediately put his hand to his lil bro’s arm.

“What the fuck.”

Roy smirked. “Language, Jimmy.”

“Dude that is solid as a rock.” Jimmy couldn’t believe what he was feeling. Though it was small, Roy’s arm was all hard muscle. He couldn’t so much as dent the peak of the little biceps with his fingers.

Roy raised at eyebrow at Jimmy’s efforts. “Try both your hands.”

“Smartass!” Jimmy brought his other hand up, and pushed both his thumbs into the top of the muscle, while gripping the rest of his arm with his fingers. But Roy didn’t cry out as Jimmy expected. He just grunted and flexed harder, his face reddening. Jimmy started to sweat from the effort of trying to crush his lil bro’s muscle with both hands. Finally he felt a cramp in his hand and stopped.

Roy beamed while Jimmy shook out his hand. “I told you I was gonna make you proud, big bro!”

“That’s pretty great, bro.“ Jimmy said weakly. “You know, I’m beat after that long drive, let’s catch up more in the morning.”

Roy’s face broke out into a grin. “Sure thing, Jimmy! Let me take your bag to the guest room.” Roy dropped his t-shirt amid the smelly detritus on the floor and picked up Jimmy’s big duffel bag with one arm. He hauled it over his shoulder, and turned back to his brother. Now Jimmy could see he had triceps and well as biceps, and his dark pit hair was shiny with sweat from his six mile run. From my ex’s place. Jimmy remembered.

Jimmy gulped. “Thanks bro.”

Roy crossed the hall and opened the door to his old room, which their mother had done up as the guest room. Jimmy stepped in and frowned. The whole bedroom was pink. “Are we getting a little sister, or something, bro?”

Roy laughed. “Naw big bro, Mom just went a little overboard with the re-decorating.” He tossed Jimmy’s duffel bag on the taffeta bedspread. “See you in the morning big bro, sweet dreams.”

“Thanks bro, it’s good to be home.”

The door closed and Jimmy looked around the utterly unfamiliar room.

He took off his t-shirt and sniffed at the pits. Despite eight hours sweating in the car all he could smell was his deodorant. Then he put his nose lower down the side of the shirt where Roy had hugged him with his sweaty arms.  The stench was awful.

Jimmy looked up and and said out loud:

“What the fuck is happening?”

Jimmy insisted to his family that he was “too busy” to make it home for his lil bro Roy’s sixteen birthday, and made the same excuses for Thanksgiving. It was only on the long drive home for Christmas break that he really thought about the Columbus Day weekend visit and what it meant to him. He had always been the Golden Child in the family. First born, a good-looking athletic blond kid who grew up to be a handsome leader and Prom King in high school. Then to find coming home after only six weeks away to see his lil bro had taken over his old bedroom, and was spending time with his ex-girlfriend. Even if it was just for a school project, that seemed awkward, and Cindy had completely brushed him off when he’d tried to contact her. Admittedly, Jimmy had dumped her, so he had no right to expect she come running when he called. But, Jimmy had never begged a girl for sex in his life; he had sex thrown at him almost daily by horny undergraduates.

And then there was that weird thing with Roy’s hard little biceps. Jimmy had gone around to all his gym buddies after he got back to campus and made bets that he could crush their biceps. Most of them he could make cry out in pain with just one hand, let alone two hands, and none of their muscle felt as diamond hard as Roy’s had felt. The whole thing still weirded him out two months after the fact.

As he pulled into his suburban neighborhood, off the main road, his car died. Damn, Jimmy thought, this visit is off to a great start. After the long drive, he didn’t want to have to deal with tow-trucks and mechanics tonight. He phoned his Dad and asked him to come down the road and help him push the car the half-mile or so to the driveway.

“I’ll send Roy,” his Dad said.

“Well, I don’t think Roy’s going to be able...” Jimmy started to reply, but his Dad had already hung up.

Jimmy sat in the car as the temperature within started to drop, with no heater to keep the cold at bay. He began to shiver. Tired, he closed his eyes briefly as he thought. What’s taking him so long?

He was woken up by a rap on the window. Jimmy rolled the window down and his lil bro Roy’s face appeared, with a big smile. Wearing a Santa hat and a ski jacket, he leaned his arms onto the window sill.

“Merry Christmas, Jimmy! What’s up bro? Car trouble?”

“RoyBoy! It’s so good to see you!” Jimmy felt his irritation melting away as he stared at his lil bro. His smile seemed to light up the inside of the car, and Jimmy realized that he’d missed him despite all the weirdness of the last visit. “Yeah, this damn Corolla is on its last legs.”

“What a coincidence, today is leg day!” Roy said, and Jimmy looked puzzled. “Put her in neutral.” Jimmy did so and then reached for the door handle. But Roy put his hand on the sill. “No need, I got this.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, it’ll take the two of us to push.”

“But there’s a turn before we get home, you’ll have to steer.”

“Well then you get in and steer.” Jimmy said, he pulled on the door handle, but the door didn’t budge.

Roy stared at him, smirking. “Bro, I said I got this.”

Jimmy figured the door must be frozen shut. He sat back. “Okay,” he said, “I’ll steer, lil bro.”

Roy went to the rear of the car and Jimmy rolled up the window. He could tell that Roy had grown a little taller since he last saw him, and his face was leaner and more handsome. But even if he’d been working out (”Leg day” he’d said.) he’d never be able to push the car on his own. What was he thinking? Jimmy pulled out his phone to call his Dad again, but stopped dialing when the car started to move.

“I’ll be damned.” he said.

At first the car moved quite slowly, but it began to pick up speed. Jimmy looked behind him but all he could see was the red of the Santa hat. What a goofball, Jimmy smiled. He looked back to the front just in time to see the first turn coming up. He cranked hard on the steering wheel. With no power steering, it took some muscle. Took some muscle, he thought, mentally comparing the task of turning a steering wheel with his brother pushing a ton of steel and glass down a snowy road.

The snowy road. Oh shit. Jimmy realized, there was a stop sign coming up, and there were no power ABS brakes. Roy had got the car going at a good clip, and the brakes would no doubt lock. He tried the brakes, pushing down hard on the pedal, and that was exactly what happened.  Jimmy panicked as the stop sign approached fast, and he saw a speeding truck coming from the left. If they couldn’t stop they’d be t-boned. Jimmy threw himself into the back seat and pounded on the rear windshield to get Roy’s attention. He saw Roy’s face pop up under the Santa hat and then suddenly disappear. In what he thought were his last moments alive, Jimmy was glad that Roy had saved himself.

Then the car stopped dead and the truck roared past.

Jimmy looked out the front windshield and gasped. He opened the car door and jumped out, not sure what he was seeing. Roy was at the front of the car, arms outstretched, hands on the hood, legs bent. He stood up, breathing hard. Jimmy realized with a shock that they were now the same height.

“That was close, huh? Good thing I wore my good boots.” Roy grinned.

Jimmy was stunned speechless. Roy had- had run to the front of the car and stopped it with his bare hands with a truck bearing down on them?  How was that possible?

Roy guided Jimmy back into the front seat. “You’re in shock. Just get in, bro, I’ll take it from here.”  Jimmy sat dumbly in the front seat as Roy pushed the car the rest of the way. When they got to their house, Roy opened the door. “Home sweet home, bro. Does your garage opener still work?” Jimmy nodded silently. Roy reached in his arm and pressed the device clipped to Jimmy’s sunvisor. Jimmy felt like he was sitting in a room in the back in his head and observing what was happening on a TV screen. Roy’s right arm turned the steering wheel and Jimmy was sure he could see the muscles of his arm working under the padding of the ski jacket, but he didn’t see how that was possible. Roy guided the car into the garage of the family home and then offered a hand to his brother.

Jimmy got out and stood in one spot looking around the garage. There was barely room for his car because the rest of the garage was filled with gym equipment. A weight bench, a squat rack, barbells and dumbbells, and lots and lots of iron plates. Roy closed the door and saw his brothers look. “Pretty sweet, huh, bro? Can’t wait until we can get a workout in together.” He slapped his brother on the back and guffawed. “Hey I guess we just did, right bro? I’m sweating like a pig.”

Jimmy huffed his breath, which formed a small cloud in the sub-zero chill. He started to feel a rush of blood to his ears as his brother zipped open his ski jacket and shrugged it off. He was shirtless beneath, and was so perfectly proportioned and shredded that Jimmy didn’t know where to look first. At his broad shoulders with their rounded delts? His pecs, two slabs of muscle like armour plating that were dusted with black chest hair. At his abs, which looked carved from steel?

Then, Jimmy saw it... The sweat from Roy’s exertion pushing the care was evaporating off his astonishing physique, visible in the chilly air of the garage. 

His lil bro was so hot, he was literally steaming.

Roy stood there smiling for a minute until he saw Jimmy’s face, then he reached toward him. “You okay bro?” The motion caused his pectoral muscles to bounce.

“Oh God...” Jimmy said. Then everything went black and he fainted.

Jimmy had reached that point; he had brought his personal trainer Orlando to tears.

 “I don’t know what you want! I’ve trained you for four months and there’s only so much I can do!”

 “It’s not enough! It won’t be enough; I can feel it!” Jimmy raged.

 “You’re more jacked than me! You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met! I jack myself raw every night thinking about your golden perfection! What do you want? The angels to weep in envy?”

 Jimmy spat in Orlando’s face and walked away. “Waste of my fucking time and money.”

 But as Jimmy rode in the cab from the airport, he wondered. He felt up the heft of his pecs and the hard roundness of his delts. Would it be enough? He had certainly sacrificed enough. He’d focused so much on working out he’d failed his courses. With all his extra dough gone to supplements and Orlando’s useless personal training fees, he couldn’t afford to re-take his year and had to transfer to the state university and move back home. Meanwhile his brother Roy, and his ex Cindy, had gotten into MIT. He laughed bitterly. Guess I’ll get my room back.

 As the cab pulled up to the family home, Jimmy got out, pulling out his bags. The garage door was open, and he stepped up to edge, but couldn’t bring himself to enter. The man in the garage was repping the bench press with one and a half times Jimmy’s personal best on the squat. Plus there were heavy link chains added to each side of the bar that clinked in the spring air. Jimmy allowed himself to wonder, for a tantalizing few seconds, whether this was a new bodybuilding neighbor, maybe his Mom’s new lover, anybody but the man he knew it exactly to be. Man. Jesus fuck he’s only 16! He watched those pecs, covered in black hair, inflate from thick plates into rounded boulders at the top of the rep. He observed those deep armpits, each with more hair in them than he had on his chest. Yes, a man.

 He turned away from the garage and went in the front door. He dropped his bags, keeping only his laptop bag and went up to the emasculating pink guest room, ignoring his mother’s question: “Jimmy is that you?”

 He opened his laptop and logged into the wifi. He needed answers. Why? He suddenly remembered Abigail, that British chick who constantly talked about literature, and called out his name as she rode his cock. What was it she had said that time after they’d fucked? Something about names? “Names tell you all. Your name it your destiny.” Huh.

 He typed into Google: “Meaning of name Jimmy”

 He squinted at the answer: “Diminutive of James.”

 He typed into Wiktionary: “Diminutive”

Answer: “Extremely small, tiny.” Fuck.

 He typed again: “Meaning of name James”

 “English version of Hebrew Jacob. Examples from history: James the Lesser.”

 He stared blankly at the screen. Eventually he typed:

 “Meaning of name Hebrew Jacob.”

 Answer: “Envious of hairy brother. Heel grabber.”

 Jimmy nodded feeling a sense of relief. He felt his hands tremble as he typed, finally:

 “Meaning of name Roy.”

 ***

 Jimmy stepped into the garage. He stood calmly while his brother Roy rose from the bench. His body unfurled itself in its majesty until he was several inches taller, a foot wider and utterly superior in every possible way. Roy raised his arm to rub his neck as he greeted his bro, now clearly the “lil bro”.

 “Hey bro.”

 Jimmy leaned in slightly and sniffed, absorbing some of his brother’s testosterone funk.

 Then he bent the knee.

 “My king.”

 The End.

[Inspired by @theobromic​‘s amazing commission!]

#musclestories #bigbrovslilbro #ultimatelilbro #lilbromusclesup #art #commission

[majesticnerdynerd]

Man, kids are so wild in general, but

Babysitting my 3 year old sister (I'm 20, mom had me early at 21, aye) is so wild because she's slowly starting to speak and repeats all we say

Recently, what she does is that whenever our parents are at home and we (my 17yo bro and I) tell her to stop doing something she shouldn't be doing (earing food she dropped on the floor, stop playing with the radiator, stop stealing my pens, STOP CLIMBING THE STOVE THIS ISN'T HANSEL AND GRETEL), she starts to pout and yells "MA! VEE (she doesn't use this but you know me like this) IS BAD!!"

So she's telling on us for everything, but she doesn't do this when they're not at home and she behaves! Honestly, kids speculate a lot

Another thing she does is ask for a yogurt for kids, I open it, hand her a spoon, and she says nah fam, I changed my mind. OK ok I get it you're a child. She goes to play with her cubes or cilinders or what have you nowadays for future architects at this developmental stage of youth, start doing the dishes, and the moment water touches my hands and I soap up she,,,,, she just,,,,, she storms in jumping yelling "TERMIX! TERMIX! BREAD! CHEESE! TERMIX! MONTE!"

And like ok Cookie (my nickname for her), we have that, but your tiny belly can take just so much, choose 1??please??i still have to wipe your butt and NO ONE wants to see the kaakaa poo like that. So off she goes with the yogurt, only for me to hear "yoooo oh noo" so I storm into the living room, dish soap dropping from my elbows, and she,,,,, she turned the yogurt upside down to apparently test the gravity 🙃 ok Cookie, I get, Newton is hardly gonna judge you for proving it again but DID IT HAVE TO END UP ON THE FUZZY CARPET

So I sigh, get the cleaning stuff, and in the meantime of me sprinting to the bathroom to get a washcloth and lots of water she manages to import the whole dinosaur colony she got for her birthday SO THAT THEY CAN EAT IT. CHILD, I KNOW YOUR EMPATHY IS ABOVE ANYONE ELSE'S BUT please not the carpet. Anything but THE CARPET IT'S SO HARD TO CLEAN.

Then we make lunch. I beat up what we have, serve, get her fork because Cookie likes to keep independently now ofc. She doesn't want to eat this specific food she otherwise likes when mom's at home. OK. BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE Nutrition, I say calmly, but do kids 3 years of age listen? No, they throw the food in your face. Okay fair, I did make you stash your toys in the toy box.

And then, what happens if she gets the food on herself, you may ask

WAR.

Changing clothes on a 3 year old girl with the hyperactivity I haven't had since I was 12 when I lost most my childhood impressions of a happy world, she out-sprints Usain Bolt at the speed of Freddie Mercury's speed of light. She kicks, BITES (I'M NOT KIDING CHILDREN ARE FERAL), laughs, kicks some more, and tempts your patience. The amount of times I was *this* close to yelling into a pillow is uncountable.

What's the method?

You get your brother to hold her while she still kicks like a mustang horse. Socks are easy. Pants are not.

Ponytails are okay. She's interested in what I'm doing with her hair. She enjoys that, but brushing has to be careful.

Now.

The tantrums go something like this:

Me: Cookie, you have to keep your socks on, it's cold.

Cookie: no!

Me: it's cold! You'll get sick and won't go outside to walk our doggo.

Cookie: no! *gasps at the dawn of realisation* no doggo?

Me: *Shakes head sadly* no doggo if you get sick :(

Cookie: :0!! DOGGO INSIDE??

Me: no, she's outside because she smells

Cookie: doggo!!!!!!!!!

...... And thats how our 9 year old German shepherd ended up in my bed and I had to collect ticks from the ground. Fun village life, eh.

One last thing that I'll mention that Cookie does is ask for watching the TV, so we turn on YouTube or something since our parents got her used to that, and she gets to choose what she wants. The feed is full of kids stuff so safe on that front.

But i swear to god if I have to listen to Jurassic Park the Musical that's just bootleg pop song from 2010s I'll be the next Joker

Listen, it's kinda fun. But having to help out a lot since she was born, being the eldest sister and having the second most responsibility in this household for her, yeah, not something I enjoy. When she was born I was 17 and the ladies that saw me with her and mom were like aw, is this yours? Your mom is a grandma? Well, there's no shame being a young mother!

//excuse me Lady do you assume I'm a teenage mother just because there's a kid in the vicinity??//

Honestly. I love my sister, and sometimes, babysitting isn't that bad. But yeah, having a younger sibling when you're almost an adult and therefore becoming a free babysitter for your parents is exactly what makes me not want children in the next 20 years, thank you very much. Changing diapers? Nah. I'll pass, but I'll get a cat or a dog! Ma, look, your grandkids: *shows picture of pets*

There's no point to this rant. It's just eldest daughter rant that shows what a 3 year old can do before it's even 10 am.

Have a nice day o/

#eldest daughter #eldest sibling #younger siblings #sister #vee ventures #young adult #family

[wolfsrainrules]

Have you heard about the theory where Midoriya's dad is Endeavour's lil bro? Because if it isn't too much, could you do headcanons about good!dad!enji and husashi with their kids? You don't have too if ya don't want to ^^. Also, have a great day/night you beautiful baby uwu

I HAVE in fact, read exactly one (1) fic like that, a long time ago. I cannot remember the name, but I remember thinking “OH NO THATS NEAT” Thank you! I’m having a good time tonight (early morning its like 3am). @north-peach when you see this later, i figured you’d like to add on XD

–Enji brought Hisashi to every single ultra sound for his four kids. 

–In fact, the day he found out about his first kid, he barreled to his brother’s house, still holding the preg test in hand, and kicked the door down to yell about being a father and waving the stick around like an idiot.

He accidentally set his brother’s couch on fire, and then had to tell his sister in law, why her couch was ash. 

Inko laughed so hard she cried.

(Enji replaced the couch that day)

–Inko then sat down and helped Enji pick out some gender neutral baby clothes (since they didn’t know the gender yet at the time) 

–Hisashi LOVES his nephews and niece and called Rei crazy for wanting to have ‘this lug’s kids’.

–Hisashi and Enji both sat the boys down, and explained about BOYS  and what they were going to do to them, when they finally noticed Fuyumi.

(Fuyumi was very confused at the time)

–Enji carried pictures of his kids in his wallet. Like….Hughes from FMA  level pictures.

–Hisashi, when he finds out about Izuku, loses his entire mind, screeches, accidentally breathes fire and sets the tablecloth on fire, yells at his wife “HOLD ON I GOTTA TELL ENJI”

scrambles for his phone, knocks into every piece of furniture in the way, and exhales smoke and embers the entire time.

He calls Enji- who is at work at the time, which Hisashi didn’t think about but usually does (Izu will get his analysis from his father in this AU) and Enji will answer in a panic b.c his lil brother is calling DURING WORK HOURS??–

and he literally yells into the phone as soon as he hears “Hisashi??” 

“HEY ENJI, YOURE GONNA BE AN UNCLE. IM HAVING A BABY” at full volume, like an excited child in a candy store with 200$,

–Enji loses his entire mind, mid patrol, and proceeds to yell, full volume like the idiot all Todoroki’s secretly are (or will be) for their family as a whole “I’M GOING TO BE AN UNCLE???!”

–its all over social media like 20secs after it leaves his mouth.

–Enji shows up, smoking, in hero costume, having FLOWN HIMSELF OVER LIKE A FUCKING ROCKET MAN, five mins later so he can freak out over this fact with his little brother in person and coo at Inko’s still flat stomach

–And then he realizes that this means future Izuku (unnamed at the time) is going to be born around the time future Shouto (also unnamed) is and proceeds to basically climb the room and screech into the void for five mins before he comes barreling back down like “THEY”RE GONNA BE BROTHERS HISASHI.”

—Toddler yrs are great. All the kids learn to play and have a blast with both brothers, and Enji and Hisashi have a literal BLAST trying to outdo each other during games of “Dragons” and such (b.c with a majority rule in fire quirks of course they do)

—Izuku proves to be very, very smart, Kacchan joins this group of protective fiery little monsters and they don’t put up with any of his shit even as tiny tots. So Kacchan gets an EARLY AS FUCK attitude adjustment and it changes everything.

–Izuku gets diagnosed as Quirkless.

–It doesnt slow any of them down. Enji and Hisashi just adjust plans for heroing quirkless, Enji goes on some MAJOR campains for Quirkless support and discrimination (which ripples down b.c he IS Number Two Hero, and his actions cause reactions) 

–The other boys and Fuyumi all help Izuku and Izuku who goes to school with Kacchan and Shouta has a Protection Squad that Dont Take No Shit

Not to mention Izu has been training with the Todoroki fam forever and he knows how to defend himself, so he ALSO dont take no shit

–Hisashi and Enji only have one kidnap attempt per child, and each of them end in fire and brimstone and screaming. And then Lawyer Mama Inko gets involved and the kidnappers family for four generations in both directions WEEPS.

–When the day comes that Shouto and Izu get taken, they get taken together.

–Enji and Hisashi get a text from Izuku, thats basically just “CODE HELLFIRE” which is basically “Hey, um, kidnapping in progress!!”

–As each child had grown, they had all helped with the proceeding child’s “Code Hellfire” (named such b.c thats what they’d all bring down on the kidnappers) and now they taken the BABIES of the family AT THE SAME TIME.

The entire Todoroki family rampages across the city together for this one, Inko sitting like a queen at a control center, hooked into the entire mess via cameras at her brother-in-law’s agency, calling shots and being TERRIFYING the way we all know she can be

An entire villain gang BURNS for this.

By the time they get there, Izu and Shouto have already freed themselves, and were mid-escape.

Izuku punched Enji in the face.

Enji was so proud he got his nephew ice cream

Hisashi laughed so hard he cried, b.c Izu BROKE Enji’s nose, and then FLIPPED him over his shoulder before he realized it was his uncle and stopped the rest of the instinctive follow through. 

Shouto tried to freeze Hisashi to the wall, but Hisashi reflexively melted it with fire before it worked, though it almost didn’t b.c Shouto has been training his ice with QUITE A FEW FIRE USERS HIS ENTIRE LIFE

–Hisashi is an underground hero btw. Just gonna toss that out there b.c that idea gives me l i f e. And presents the chance for AIZAWA TO BE A FAMILY FRIEND AND PREFERRED BABYSITTER 

and dadzawa shenanigans form the start.

Plus shouta MELTING over these tiny babies, who wrapped their TINY HANDS around his fingers, and try to grab his capture scarf, or his hair. 

who smiled tiny gummy smiles at him and told him “love you uncle sho” 

who do clumsy attempts at braiding his hair with chubby child fingers and show up dressed like him b.c hes a favorite hero no matter what.

AND Shouta can help his problem child with quirkless fighting

–Oh BOY when All Might chooses Izu he’s gonna face a WALL of “Hey um what the FUCK are you doing to my BABY (brother/nephew/son)

#bnha #good dad enji #good dad hisashi #WHY THE FUCK ARE HISASHI AND HIZASHI ONE LETTER APART #DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY TYPOS I HAD TO FIX #Hisashi is a Todoroki #Shouto is a good Big Brother #He will set you on fire for Izuku okay #tododeku siblings #(cousins technically but shhhhhhhh BROTHER)

[petriichvrs]

𝒘𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒚, 𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘.

´   ･   .   ✶   ⧼    jessica barden, demigirl, she & her & they & them   /   mariners apartment complex by lana del rey + short nails with dirt caught beneath them and worn out jeans with muddy patches on the knees. scuffed trainers that have seen better days ( you understand how they feel ) and a handknit jumper that is somehow still too large, with stitches pulled hither and tither. windswept red hair and a stubbornly set mouth, the kind that used to twist into the most infectious smile ; but doesn’t, now that you are the girl on fire who has seen it all and yet, not enough. in the depths of those brown eyes, flames rage, good and strong, and isn’t that the savage beauty of it all? that in spite of everything, you remain - sturdy and smelling of smoke.   ⧽   ━━   hey, isn’t that GINEVRA MOLLY WEASLEY? i read a daily prophet article on them, once ; the TWENTY TWO year old pureblood WITCH is a GRYFFINDOR alumus, who has gone on to be a PROFESSIONAL CHASER FOR THE HOLYHEAD HARPIES. i’ve heard they can be quite RESILIENT & INTUITIVE, but i don’t know… they came off very HEADSTRONG & WAGGISH in that interview. it really is hard to know what to believe these days though, isn’t it? click HERE for ginny’s entire history ( also linked within ) & HERE for her pinterest board.

  and they call us hard women,       as if SURVIVAL could ever be delicate.

𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐒 !

FULL NAME:   ginevra molly weasley.

MEANING OF NAME(S):   an arthurian baby name meaning ‘fair one’. a name of irish origin and derived from ‘mary’, meaning ‘star of the sea’. a surname of unsure origin.

NICKNAMES:   ginny.

AGE:   twenty two.

BIRTHDATE:   august 11th, 1998.

BIRTHPLACE:   great britain.

ETHNICITY:   white.

EDUCATION:   homeschooled as all wizard children are, before attending hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry upon turning eleven.

JOB:   chaser for the holyhead harpies.

LANGUAGES:   english, french, german, spanish.

GENDER IDENTITY:   demigirl.

PRONOUNS:   she / her / they / them.

SEXUALITY ORIENTATION:   bisexual biromantic.

𝐖𝐈𝐙𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐒 !

HOGWARTS HOUSE:   gryffindor.

WAND TYPE:     eight and a quarter inches yew with phoenix tail feather.

PATRONUS:   a horse ( an ardennais stallion ).

BOGGART:   tom riddle ; not lord voldemort. people often forget that ginny faced him all alone, aged eleven, and only barely lived to tell the tale.

AMORTENTIA:   molly weasley’s homemade mince pies, harry potter’s preferred cologne and the smell of the quidditch pitch at hogwarts, after spring rain.

MISC. INFO:   trained and registered animagus, with the ability of transforming into a ginger tabby cat.

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 !

FATHER:   arthur weasley.

MOTHER:   molly weasley neé prewett.

SIBLING(S):   william, charles, percy, fred, george & ronald weasley ( older brothers ).

RELATIVES:   the weasley & prewett families ( and all who have subsequently married into them ).

SIGNIFICANT OTHER:   none.

EX SIGNIFICANT OTHERS:   harry potter & dean thomas & michael corner.

CHILDREN:   none.

PET(S):   arnold ( purple pygmy puff with a shocking lifespan ) & archimedes ( a screech owl ).

𝐏𝐇𝐘𝐒𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 !

HEIGHT:   five foot one inch.

EYE COLOR:   brown.

HAIR COLOR:   ginger.

SCARS:   she has scars along her thighs and upon her fingertips that she doesn’t remember getting, from her second year. 'blood traitor’ on her right arm from lines she was forced to write by the carrow twins, in her sixth year. scars from the crack of a whip along her back, and scars upon her wrists and ankles from the chain bonds that filch preferred. a scar along her left cheekbone that she pairs with the gnarly one upon her knee, because both of them were sustained under the cruciatus curse. she has more scars than she can possibly remember that serve only to remind her of the war that they fought ; and she tries very hard to be proud of them, but even she finds it hard.

GLASSES / CONTACTS:   no / no.

PIERCINGS:   basic lobe piercings and a scaffold piercing in her right ear.

TATTOOS:   a tiny snitch, stick and poke tattooed on the inside of her arm - done in her third year, it glows when the weather is perfect for quidditch.

OTHER NOTABLE TRAITS:   there’s a dent on her forehead that you would only see if you were looking for it, sustained in the chamber of secrets.

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 !

STAR SIGN:   leo, the lion ( passionate, earnest, enigmatic, jealous ).

PERSONALITY TYPE:   estp, the entrepreneur ( high energy, independent, reckless, bold ).

ALIGNMENT:   chaotic good.

TEMPERAMENT:   melancholic.

RELIGION:   agnostic.

PHOBIA(S):   ophidiophobia ( fear of snakes ).

VICE:   anger, recklessness, impatience.

VIRTUE:   confidence, passion, perseverance.

𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐂𝐀𝐋 !

ALLERGIES:   none.

SMOKING/ALCOHOL/DRUGS:   sometimes, but has mostly broken the habit / socially, and regularly / no.

DIAGNOSES:   post traumatic stress disorder, survivors guilt and chronic insomnia.

BLOOD TYPE:   a positive.

𝐅𝐔𝐋𝐋 𝐇𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 !

click this link to be brought to ginny’s entire history.

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 !

seventh child and only daughter of arthur and molly. first girl born into the weasley fam for GENERATIONS, so that makes her special. had too many brothers. biggest grievance was they never let her play quidditch with them, so she broke into their shed and taught herself. cried every single time they went to hogwarts without her. 

eventually got there herself. her first year notoriously SUCKED.

if ‘sucked’ is a good enough word to describe being possessed by tom riddle and opening the chamber of secrets, which ultimately led to a lot of people almost dying, including herself.

this, understandably, royally fucked ginny’s shit up. easily seen by her extra special hysterical reaction to the dementors. didn’t do much in her second yr other than be upset by them on the train and be hermione granger 2.0 ( overachiever extraordinaire ).

fully supported harry potter during his fourth year, when he became the unwitting fourth champion. would have gone to the yule ball with him if she hadn’t pledged herself to neville longbottom, who goes on to become one of her best friends.

got all up in order business in her fourth year, against her parents wishes. you can take the girl from the rebellion but you can’t take the rebellion from the girl. joined dumbledore’s army. also named it. became a royal pain in umbridge’s ass. was super talented at spells ( she’s special ) that they were being taught. had a rough christmas cos her dad almost got killed by voldemort’s ugly snake. hexed draco malfoy and still giggles about it to this day. fought off death eaters in the department of mysteries and was witness to sirius black’s death.

everyone rly wanted a piece of ginny in her fifth year ( understandable ). she got invited to slug club. was also made chaser of the gryffindor quidditch team ( after playing seeker the previous year when harry was banned ). she dated harry for a hot minute after she finally got rid of dean thomas ( srry dean ), but... after dumbledore died and death eaters attacked the school he broke up with her to ‘protect her’ which... sucked.

honestly. summer in general sucked. her bro got attacked by a werewolf. her boyfriend dumped her for her own good. there was a wedding, for some reason.

sixth year also sucked. the da was reformed ( by ginny & her friends ) but could only do so much in the face of the gross misuse of power by grown ass adults. ginny did all that she could even when they were actively torturing them all, but was made go into hiding at easter. 

followed her fam to hogwarts for the battle. almost had to sit the whole thing out, but ran off after she was forced to leave the room of requirement.

let’s recap the battle real quick : her brother? died. her friends? died. the love of her life? never even said goodbye and died. ginny? almost died! she did not have a good time. 0/10 stars on yelp, in fact. but they prevailed! they made harry proud! love when you succeed and get ptsd for your troubles.

ginny helped rebuild hogwarts over the summer, and went back in september to finish her seventh year, but... it wasn’t really home anymore. a war will do that. loss will do that. she was trying very hard to be okay - and in a lot of ways, trying a little too hard to be who she had ALWAYS been. she probably could have done with being told that no one expected her to be unchanged, but... everyone was going through their own stuff. 

she tried to honor the one’s that they lost by living, but... that was easier on paper. ginny didn’t seem to make it all the way through the five stages of grief. she was angry, and she was sad, but she couldn’t deny it and she couldn’t change it - and acceptance was impossible. her grief turned into a persistent feeling of emptiness, and that took a toll on her, as a person. 

a lot that made her happy once didn’t, anymore. she was scouted by the holyhead harpies fresh out of hogwarts, but when they asked her to sign, she didn’t immediately take them up on the offer. quidditch was about the only thing she had left at that point that brought her some measure of joy, and it felt...surreal, to be considering taking such a small pleasure and turning it into her life work. it felt not right, for some reason. doing something so ‘normal’ felt insulting, almost, to all the people who wouldn’t do anything normal again - but she couldn’t do nothing forever, and eventually, she was convinced.

she took the offer. she never looked back. things haven’t really gotten better in all the time since then, but at least they can’t get any worse.

𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 !   /  talk of scars & death & trauma.

ginny’s scars tell more stories about her life at hogwarts than she has ever uttered. from her first year, she has marks that she can’t name the cause of. scarring along her thighs and upon her fingertips that were obtained in some of her black outs, that her parents BEGGED madam pomfrey to remove, but who she quietly told to not bother. there’s a small dent on her forehead that she sustained when she collapsed in the chamber of secrets, and you wouldn’t see it, if you weren’t looking. she doesn’t point it out.

of course, she sustained some in her fourth year. she fell over during a dumbledore’s army session and she scraped up the palm of her hand, something that they all laughed about, back then. she broke her ankle badly enough that it continues to click, even now, but luckily was never a hassle in her chosen career. maybe she’d have been even worse of, if bellatrix had tortured her like planned. ginny counts her blessings.

but it’s her sixth year that ruined her. that instilled within her a LOVE of long sweaters and a fear of being seen entirely naked. ‘blood traitor’ is carved into her right arm from lines she was FORCED to write with her own blood, over and over, after being caught putting graffiti on the side of green house number five. she didn’t cry, to them. she didn’t shed a tear. along her back there are criss cross scars from the CRACK of a whip, so many of them that ginny still closes her eyes when she’s getting into the bathtub, so she doesn’t catch a glimpse in the mirror. she’s been suspended by her ankles, by her wrists, and she has the taut skin there to show for it, and under one instance of the cruciatus curse, she FELL and sustained two wounds most commonly paired together in her thoughts - a scar along her left cheekbone, and a gnarly one upon her knee.

the war scarred her too. scarred her deeper. scarred her truer. she has more now than she can possibly remember that serve as a reminder to the war that they fought, together - and she tries to be proud of them. she really does. but even she finds it difficult.

ginny still keeps a bag packed and ready to go at the drop of a hat under her bed, just in case she has to run. it’s a habit instilled in her by her parents from when they went into hiding, and it’s one that she’s finding almost impossible to break. she still sleeps with her wand underneath her pillow every night, fingers curled around the wood - terrified, always, to be caught without it.

her nightmares vary, but they’re there. sometimes she wakes in a cold sweat, blinking away the MEMORY of green light that came all too close to finishing her off. sometimes, all she can see is the rotting body of her older brother and his open, vacant eyes. sometimes it’s harry, and he’s all alone, and she’s screaming at him - just screaming and crying and begging him to turn around and stop and come back, but he never does. sometimes she’s back in the dungeons of hogwarts, hanging by her ankles, and when she’s shakily sipping coffee in the morning, she can still hear the carrow twins laughter in her ears, clear as day.

she’s suffered from sleep paralysis, too, though this predates the war and began in the weeks after the chamber of secrets. her limbs too heavy to move, the demon that stands over her is tom riddle - her longest and most withstanding nightmare. she’s ashamed of the fact that though she fears she’s forgotten the exact sound of fred’s laugh or the feel of harry’s hand in hers, she’ll never be able to forget the features of sixteen year old voldemort.

ginny can throw off the cruciatus curse, now, and perhaps can even resist imperio. she’s never wanted to TRY, but after the many times it was used upon them in her sixth year.. she believes it possible.

she trained to be an animagus, more out of… boredom, than anything else. she’s registered as an orange tabby cat, and it’s not uncommon for her to run off in this form in the direction of the lake, where she can sit for hours.

ginny is bloody awful at all of the things her mother tried to teach her. knitting, cooking, general housework. she would sit for HOURS with molly in the lead up to christmas, a pair of knitting needles held awkwardly in both hands, fingers incapable of making the loops and stitches that molly is so skilled at doing, until SHE had all the christmas jumpers done… and ginny only had a rather pathetic excuse of a scarf. similarly, she tried many a time to lend a hand in the kitchen, or memorize the recipe and replicate her mothers famous homemade fudge - almost always creating some sort of inedible goop at the end of it all. she tries, god bless her, but she just doesn’t seem to have the knack that came so EASILY to molly, and years ago after a particularly disastrous attempt at knitting the weasley family matching jumpers that ended with tears all around, ginny gave up that particular hobby.

she can garden, though. BOY can she garden. neville taught her how to take care of plants she thought were beautiful, and when she moved into her little bedsit, ginny pulled up the entire garden in her allotment - redoing it in her image. she spends hours out there, knee deep in mud, hands covered, and she comes in, sunburnt, smiling, blazing and beautiful. it’s such a simple joy to her, but it is one, nonetheless.

she always had an interest in muggles. ginny idolized her father ( and still, perhaps, does ), and some of her earliest memories were of clambering onto piles of scrap in the burrows yard, just to peek through the little dusty window on arthur’s shed and watch as he tinkered with some new muggle artifact. she was the one who told fred and george about the car, you know - though she never thought even for a MOMENT that they would end up driving it.

she learned the concept of ‘stick and poke’ tattoos from a worn out fiction book she borrowed from hermione, and learned how to replicate them with a good quill, some magical ink and a couple good spells. she gave herself her own one, in fact - the little snitch inside of the crook of her left arm, that isn’t a perfect circle, but still manages to glow BRIGHT when the conditions are perfect for quidditch. she got pretty good at them, too, giving many of her classmates their own magical tattoos as the years went by - though, like many things that brought her joy, she stopped doing them after the battle of hogwarts.

#nox.intro #( 𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐘 ) ━━━ * biography !

[tenebraetrash17]

UM OK BUT I WAS ACT IN TEARS OVER THE THINGS YOU AND GIVELIGHTNINGHERHAREM DID ABOUT BABY LIGHTNING AND RAVUS, SO I WOULD LIKE TO SAY THAT INSTEAD OF DYING, LIGHTNING SAVED HIM BEFORE HE COULD FIGHT THE BROS AND THEY LIVED IN DUSCAE TOGETHER AND EVERYONE JUST THOUGHT THEY BOTH DIED AND ONLY THE BOYS KNEW THE TRUTH

HI, I’VE NEVER PLAYED RED DEAD BUT I AM A L L FOR THIS, FAM.

Sorry it took so long to get to! I really wanted to think about this one..and failed because I got sidetracked, I’m so sorry, I’ve been half asleep lately ;u;

But yes!!! 100% all for this!!!

Fun fact tho! Ravus’ English VA is Dad Kogane!!! The guy who got a stone cold alien lady to fall head over heels for him? Yep, that’s Ravyoli!

You might think I’m mentioning this because I like to recognize voice actors and what not, sorryifanyonehasseenmegeekoutoverthem, but actually! I find it kind of interesting becaaaaaaause….Krolia is a whole lot like Lightning, I’m just gonna put that out there now!

Now we don’t know much about Dad Kogane other than he was a firefighter who lived alone, but we can see he was a pretty family oriented guy who was always willing to risk his life for the greater good and for his family! Which is pretty Ravus-y! Kind of-

So yeet, just really random trivia fact! Which might tie in?? Idk- I’m rambling at this point, LET’S JUMP RIGHT INTO IT!

Alright! So from what I’m getting from this…

An alternate timeline branch from the main game where instead of dissolving into nothing-ness, Lightning went and banished the blight?? Oh hells yes! And actually, them settling down in one of those abandoned farms tucked away somewhere in Duscae wouldn’t be too far fetched! Besides, no matter what good Ravus did, he still would be fairly unliked by the people of Lucis, unless they’re those horny chicks who were perving on him, he did a lot of bad things to them which might not be so easily forgivable! So what you said about him changing his name and turning over a new leaf is quite plausible!

Although, I can’t imagine Ravus being anyone other than a Ravus. He looks like a Ravus. Looking very Ravusy. A Ravusy Ravus (where am I going with this?). BUT LAST NAME HOWEVER! It would be possible that instead he would take on Lightning’s last name! His name would then translate as ‘Gray Thunder’ Which is cool until you consider that when you look it up, it also means gray sooooo…. “Gray Gray.” good name change, Gravy.

AlthoughRavusALSOmeanscharming,butIcan’tmakeGrayGrayjokeswiththat

THAT’S NOT TO SAY LIGHTNING WOULDN’T DO THE WHOLE NAME CHANGE TOO THO! Actually, she might just go back to being called Claire! After all, the name ‘Lightning’ is a bit famous around Eos, I’m certain! So Lightning goes by Claire now, and it doesn’t bother her half as much as she thought it would! Not to mention that Ravus never called her Lightning per say, so hearing the name ‘Claire’ coming from him isn’t a foreign sensation. Although it is pretty hard for her to register it, and anyone besides Ravy might have to say her name a few times to get her attention.

Ok! Onto life and how it all came about I guess?? Idk, did you want a story-ish analysis or was it just a hell yeah??

ANYWHO. 

I really like the way you put it for everyone thinks Ravus and Lightning died in Niflheim but only the bros know that’s not the case. Given that they would have to lay low for awhile to allow injuries to heal, Ravus would have been able to grow some stubble to at least alter his appearance somewhat, plus remove that fancy armor on his prosthetic. And I bet Lightning wasn’t often seen in photographs so it wouldn’t be easy to recognize her, even if she didn’t change anything! 

During that time period, I bet Prompto would be the first to visit with news of what happened to Noctis, as well as what the deal is with Ardyn. Now, Lightning is most likely to be compelled to go after Ardyn and stop him, but it’s most likely the thought of leaving Ravus in his current state will be what keeps her back, albeit reluctantly. Ravus would probably try to encourage her to, however, with something along the lines of. “Don’t let me hinder you with my burden. I can tell you want to go.” although Lightning would be having none of that and just grab his face and be all like “Listen, I saved your ass, so now I have to make sure that you don’t go and ruin my work.” which is basically her trying to say that she still wants to stay with him. Thankfully with so many shared years, Ravus understands and will only mention it in passing at times.

Don’t worry about Lightning though, she keeps her skills sharp in hunting the local wildlife, since they are trying to lay low for a few months, she relies mostly on Ignis for cooking supplies as she provides what to cook. Since Ravus is healing during this duration, (I mean, he got his chest cut open and then was twisted into a 9 foot tall monster, he’s going to be in recovery for awhile,) Lightning is going to most likely be the only one able to do much about the place. She gets cooking lessons from Ignis during his spare time, which entails him telling her what needs to be done, since he’s blind and stuff. She becomes surprisingly adept at it, much to Ignis’ delight.

Since Lightning gives Ravus nothing to do around the place, he tries to scheme up ways to help integrate them into society. More often than not, he finds that their identities would be unveiled, so it’s rather quickly shot down. Eventually he comes up with the idea of selling vegetables and meat at Lestallum, to which Lightning only raises an eyebrow.

“Are you saying you want to run a farm?”

“Not exactly….? More of….an occupation such as that is the best way to get a positive reception from the Lucians….”

“Ravus, just say you want to run a farm.”

“….I would like to run a farm.”

Whenever Lightning gets too apprehensive with the idea, namely when Ravus, the man who can hardly move without wincing, suggests that he goes to find seeds to plant, he always finds something to make her pause.

“What happened to the little girl who thought it would be fun to run wild in the woods of Tenebrae? Knowing full well she was by the serpents cave?”

“She grew up.”

“And yet, she also thought it would be wise to try to save someone who was corrupted, and has the ability to possibly turn her into very tiny pieces?”

That image is not welcome to Lightning so she often times doesn’t bring up that argument anymore. Which thus begins the start of their regular walks! Brought on by Lightning saying that she needs to be around in case he provokes some demon, or he’s some sort of werewolf who gets all goopy at night, which are steadily growing until there’s only an hour of daylight left.

When Ravus is fully healed, he and Lightning take turns going out hunting, although by now, there is nothing but night so eventually they decide to just head out together. They’ve adopted a stray dog at this point and he helps guard the house. Along with Ravus’ rites to make their little farm act like one of the havens Lunafreya set up, although it is considerably weaker, even with Lightning to help boost him. They’ve both been reluctant to move to Lestallum, after hearing the news that Gladio gave them about it being a safe place. Ravus still is wary of the Lucians and wants nothing to do with them, other than the occasional selling and buying he originally had the idea of when beginning the farm.

However, his outlook changes when Lightning becomes pregnant, they’ve both never experienced anything like it, and with no-one around, it’s no mystery that they’re both scared. Ravus eventually comes to terms with the fact that his runes aren’t strong enough and he doesn’t want their child to be in constant danger. And Lightning readily agrees.

Ravus does have to swallow his pride and go to Lestallum, being recognized by none surprisingly, save for Cor, Monica and Aranea, who remain silent on the matter since they were briefed by Ignis. They integrate rather well into society, even if they are a bit awkward at trying to act normal. A group of mothers soon noticed Lightning is expecting and they end up overloading her head with way too many facts and making the poor girl paranoid.

“I haven’t seen you look so worried since you had accidentally thrown a frog at Regis-!”

“HOW DO YOU STRETCH, BUT NOT STRETCH TOO HARD?!”

“What-”

“Mrs. Smith said that if I don’t stretch, the baby won’t grow, but if I stretch too far, it’ll hurt the baby!!”

“I think maybe you should relax-”

“HOW CAN I RELAX WHEN YOUR CHILD IS GIVING ME ANXIETY?!” 

Ravus eventually came to the decision to join the Kingsglaive and hunters in the quest to gain meteorshards, although in doing so he had to drastically change his style so no one would notice. Lightning was a big help to him in that as she helped him grow comfortable in using said weapons, as well as teaching him a different way to use his sword so he wouldn’t be recognizable. He also taught himself to tone down his strength unless no one was around. 

Ravus has also picked up hunter slang, Lightning stared at him for a good minute the first time he used it. He says it made him sound normal, she begs to differ.

Lightning also helped make up a story abut how he got his prosthetic.

“’So, a daemon bit me, and I was sure to perish, yet! My wife came in and chopped off my arm! Stopping the blight from spreading and I remain indebted to her forever!’”

“I don’t sound like that at all! And I’m cutting out the indebted part!”

“Well, maybe you only owe me a kiss and that will pay off everything?”

Oh yeah, Lightning’s mood swings include her yelling “I NEVER THOUGHT I’D MISS THE FUCKING SUN!” and scaring poor Ravus half to death.

Ravus made sure to take at least a month off from the hunters when their baby was born, which was both a thrill and bittersweet for him and Lightning since their child would grow up without the sun. Along the course of the nine years they spent in Lestallum, they ended up with five kids, most of whom had Lightning’s mischievous nature.

Once Noctis returned, the kids were smitten with him, and although they had to act like they didn’t know each other, Ravus attempted to crush Noctis’ hand when he went in for a shake, leading to a silent battle of wills that Lightning had to break up.

OK BUT YO, THE LIGHT IS BACK. IS NOCT DEAD? IDK, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN BECAUSE AU AND STUFF.

So! Since the sun is back, the daemons are vanquished, Ravus and Light can go back to their farm with their new little army, all is good! OH LOOK, NOW I CAN ACTUALLY GET TO THE FARM PART.

Ok, but Ravus immediately tends to his garden once they settle in. He needs produce to sell after all, and given his family’s success with flowers, he raises some of the best veggies around. It’s not uncommon to see Ravus with a few of the kids as he shows them how to plant seeds as Lightning sits on the porch with the baby.

There is a notably more softer version of Ravus and Light, ngl. Ravus mumbled something one time about it being those damn kids, only for his daughter to run in and show him a flower she found, making him smile like an absolute nerd.

The dog will often be the one to round up the kids while they play, which is helpful because more than likely the minute Ravus or Lightning catch one kid, the one they caught previously is gone as well.

Ravus woke up one morning to see that Lightning had went and gotten him a bunch of plaid shirts, she played innocent but he acted unamused. Which is one of the reasons why he chased her through the house and throughly scared the kids when he managed to catch her and his so called ‘attack’ was just a kiss, and kisses are gross y u c k.

Speaking of the farmhouse, Ravus had to get used to having stairs right after the door, since they were on the upper floor, or the repurposed attic, there were stairs right outside the door. Ravus, having lived in a palace all his life and when they did live in the farm, it was never upstairs because they hadn’t repaired it yet, so needless to say- it took awhile for him to remember. It wasn’t uncommon during the first few days to be awoken by a scream and some colorful words as Ravus had taken a step and tumbled down the stairs.

Lightning keeps up appearances by hiding their weapons on the top shelf in the kitchen. Noctis visited once and was surprised to see them nowhere around, although with a glance up he did notice, and Lightning tried to play it off as just some china.

Snow and Serah are regulars to the farm as they love the homegrown feel to it. Serah often talks about how she would like to run a chocobo ranch, which surprised Lightning because she thought her sister wanted to be a teacher. Although eventually Serah confessed that she was thinking that if she had a chocobo ranch AND a school, it would attract more students for her to teach.

HOLY COW, I’M SO SORRY, I WENT SO FAR OFF TOPIC????????? I WENT INTO THE WHOLE ORGINS OF THEM GETTING THE FARM, WENT INTO WORLD OF RUIN FOR SOME REASON, BUT COULDN’T COME UP WITH ANYTHING ACTUALLY BASED ON FARMER RAVUS.

WOW, I AM SO SORRY!!!

BUT IT’S A BEAUTIFUL IDEA YOU HAD, ANON!!!! I HONESTLY COULDN’T ADD ANYTHING TO IT TO MAKE IT BETTER!

Although I do want to share this little tidbit from the Lightis discord, idk why but it amused me! “Alright, farmer life it is.”

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY BUT IT MAKES ME CHUCKLE?

I chuckle at random things, I’m sorry.

Any how, I hope this weird storyline-headcannon thing was at least a fun read?? I’m so sorry I couldn’t add anything of value!

#ravus nox fleuret #lightning farron #sfw #SDRFTGHJKLM THIS MADE ME HAPPY WHILE WRITING THIS OOF #IDK WHY BUT RAVUS AND LIGHTNING JUST SETTLING DOWN??? #I LIVE FOR THAT #Ravus x Lightning #Raire #Final Fantasy XV #Final Fantasy XIII #Silver responds!! #Why did I do a Voltron ramble for awhile? #Dad Kogane needs justice tho #TELL US HIS NAME #FFXV #ffxiii #yee some of these things are little references to my fan fiction im working on!!!

[svblunar]

( * lim dal-hye . )

✧ — * » < kim namjoon, cismale, he/him, twenty-six > welcome to the witching community of chicago, LIM DAL-HYE ! you’re a LUNAR WITCH right ? some of the locals around here have described you as being DELPHIC and A CONTROL FREAK, but others have said you’re CORDIAL and STARRY-EYED. i guess i’ll have to see for myself. now, being a type of witch, i hear you excel at PSIONIC IMAGE PROJECTION. the chicago witching community prides itself on having skilled witches so make sure to keep practicing!

hello :3 this is @jinhien‘s mom with her much softer son~

SORTA BIO THING:

first of all, dalhye’s @ofjunos’ big brother. hence, i’m not going to be a little parrot and repeat everything taylor wrote about their parents in her bio, i’m just going to link it here. 

he’s a 92 liner, born 6 years before his baby brother, as the very first kid of the lim fam

prior to his birth, his dad really wanted a child, while his mother was very wary of it. this is why, when they found out she was carrying a baby, the father was ecstatic, and the mom was super stressed out. of course she was happy, but she’s always had more of an analytical approach to life and she’s always been an overthinker.

the pregnancy was wonderful and the baby boy was born during the total lunar eclipse which happened during the night between the 9th & 10th december of 1992. because of this, and the small crescent moon birthmark he was born with on his right hip, they wanted to incorporate DAL, meaning moon in korean, into his name.

he brought the spring back into their relationship, and somehow they fell for each other even more, watching one another care for their little baby with so much adoration and patience and vrwbkhnwc i love this little family :(

being a tech witch, his mom would always come up with innovative techy toys for him to play with, but he’d become bored with them in two days, toss them away and not care for them anymore, but ever since he could walk & talk, he’d always been interested in his dad’s crystals and would play with his mom’s necklace and rings, crafted by his dad, while sitting on her lap

he was definitely a night child, and his parents had a problem with putting him to bed. when the moon was up, he was up too, no discussion. he’d be all sleepy and lazy during the day, tho. he wasn’t really an outdoorsy kid, or an active kid generally, but he’d insist on looking at the moon n the stars every night, and only fairy tales regarding those two elements would put him to sleep, so it was pretty easy to determine what type of a witch he’d be

growing up, he wouldn’t insist on going to the playground or staying with the other kids more than his parents would allow him, since he’d like to spend some time alone with his thoughts and the nature often. his mood would be so back and forth all the time. he could be bawling one minute, and then fine the next... that has followed him into his adulthood as well

he really insisted on having a bby sibling 💕 and his parents finally DELIVERED six years later. during his mom’s pregnancy, he’d call his bby brother moonie bc his mom’s belly reminded him of the full moon :( iM devastated yaLL

being an empathetic lil lunar witch, he always stayed by his mom’s side, and she was treated like a proper QUEEN by his dad n him, they didn’t let her pick up a spoon, let alone anything larger FIENSJSKMDF

i dont think there was a happier day in his life than the day his lil moonie was born ???? i mEAN J U N O FNSKEJDF

he’d practice his reading by reading his bby brother stories !! he was ALWAYS by his side and always snuggling him and he probably transferred a good chunk of empathy and softness onto him

basically his life revolved around his lil bro n parents, n everything he did, he did it for them, and didn’t really make connections outside of his family bc he was happy the way things were, with only four of them ?? they were his safe haven

he did well in school and was a total teacher’s pet FENCDISK also he wanted to set a good example and be a good role model for juno ( maybe he still calls him moonie sometimes pstT )

the hardest thing in his life was moving out of his HOME ?? his parents got him an apartment near the campus of his witching academy and ... he no longer got to see them 24/7, but their mom forced them to make a group chat for the lim fambam n stay in touch all the time nivrnwicm dal always sent moon & heart emojis and pictures/vids of what he did in his classes and pics of how he decorated his apartment n yea. his lil bro came often to hang out with him there. a proper pest, y’all. jk.

the upside of having that apartment was that dal became a lot more sociable and started inviting pals over, having fun game nights, drinking and all... it was super handy when he was in relationships too, yk :)

when lil baby juno started going to college, he moved in with him too and brought his plants n a cat with him, so he no longer felt as detached in there~ he just squishes his bby brother with softness and makes him nice food n has a cat to cuddle with lots so that’s nice

during his stay at the witching academy he mastered his specialty which is psionic image projection !! it means he can materialize his or someone else’s dreams or thoughts using light particles !! he creates images n projections, but he can actually make them tactile too, tho that takes more power and effort

he has a pet goldfish called lucky #2 ( dont laugh at him, he loves talking about lucky #2 :( )

he had a pet goldfish called lucky but lucky wasnt that lucky n got eaten by juno’s cat :(

sometimes he can still feel lucky’s presence in the apartment

no joke he cried for 3 days straight n called in sick for work ( his dad’s crystal shop KBGNEJGF )

PERSONALITY:

he’s the cutest person you’ll ever meet

v soft and caring, always puts others before himself and his own needs

perhaps a living koala bear ?? he just wants to cuddle 24/7 n he’ll cry if you deny him of your attention

but at times he likes being alone in order to daydream and look at the moon n yk all of that poetic shit

he’s a hopeless romantic and sometimes his cheesy side gets sooo overwhelming ?? like, he can literally ANNOY the hell out of you with how loving he is.

he’s like glue. if he likes you, he’ll stick to your side and want to do EVERYTHING with you, you wont be able to get rid of him

too sappy at times ?? 

easily gets sad NGJESF be careful with your words around him, he’ll think about them and they’ll ring in his head even after 20 years

he gets stressed easily. one (1) thing could go slightly wrong and he’d be like. THATS IT MY WHOLE LIFE IS OVER. so uhm .. you could say he’s slightly dramatic.

spends his time watching romcoms n stupid documentaries

#haze:intro #im exhausted yall #this is waCK compared to jinhiens #but regardless ... plots pls

[friisans]

Hey, so I saw the next gen for Altertale and I seriously wanna see how the parents deal with the time right before having kids. Like would Sans or Pap be nervous and how would Tori, Red and the others react? I really want to see this. I bet it precious and adorable. I love preggers and fam pics. Babies are awesome. Btw Tumblr is evil and apparently undid the follow for you so I had to refollow. I did not just follow now. ^^;

id love to draw this but I know my lazyass would end up putting it off for the next 10 years so take this lame non-art thing sorry

Sans and Paps would be pretty calm about it tbh, especially Sans. I mean, being a guardian is nothing new to them; they took care of Chara and little bro Gaster for a long time after all. The only difference here is that instead of siblings they’ll be caring for, it’ll be their very own child(ren). So really, they’re already experts (moreso Sans, since he also took care of several more children over the years). Tori and Red had their occasional bouts of panic and worry, both having to do with the fact that 1) “holy shit I’m actually carrying the baby of the freaking ex-king of the underground omgomgomg-” 2) soon-to-be-new-mom jitters were hard to shake sometimes, even though it’s 100% what they wanted. But like, since Tori does suffer from anxiety, and Red has always had trouble expressing positive feelings without getting miffed, it was to be expected and their husbands were extremely understanding of this. . Gori and Undyne expressed no signs of doubt at anytime and were all smiles and happy outbursts, but Undyne was abit too pumped throughout most of the pregnancy, which often worried Asgore because even while pregnant she was up and about smashing things and being her usually rowdy self.BP and Catty, being the youngest couple to be expecting, were obviously pretty nervous about being parents, but also extremely happy because even though they were young, they knew that they wouldn’t have wanted to start a family with anyone else but each other, so the timing didn’t really bother them too much.Muffet and Mettaton were just. really vocal and flamboyant the whole time, and as soon as they found they were having twins, that was it. they became too far gone. Grandiose preparations, huge shopping sprees for just baby stuff, decked out nursery, over the top everything, right up until they were born.

#rtnightmare #at!chat #op shares my love for domestic new family stuffs oml bless

[tofuisms]

platonic.

ADRIAN TREVOR, our TOM HARDY fc is looking for a ARMY SQUAD / THREE TO FOUR PEOPLE connection who look like JON HAMM, MATT DAVIS, EVANGELINE LILLY, RASHIDA JONES / UP TO PLAYER who are 30+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( adrian was in the british army from ages seventeen to twenty six, when a serious injury brought his honorable career to a sudden end. he was the only survivor of a landmine related explosion, and a few of his friends died that day - but some of the people he was closest to survived, and i’d love for him to have their friendship, even now. they would have known him at his happiest and most put together, and have been witness to just how badly he fell apart when it was all said and done, and there’s just.. something really lovely to me in the idea of him clinging to their friendship more than he clings to any sort of relationship like that. ) ( vidar björk-thorson / 2-3 more )

familial.

ADRIAN & THEORA TREVOR, our TOM HARDY & KATE SIEGEL fcs are looking for their OLDER SIBLING who looks like BRADLEY COOPER, SKEET ULRICH, JONATHAN RHYS MEYERS, ALEXANDER SKARSGARD, AMY ACKER, WINONA RYDER, JENNIFER GARNER / ANY FC and is OVER 37. you DON'T have to contact prior to applying, though you CAN if you'd like at FIIDELIS or WVTCHFUL. ( the firstborn ! the way we see it, there's two ways to play it, and both are probably just as fun! option one is, they're only a few years older than the twins. after steve returned to life - john mulaney vc hooray! - he settled down for the quiet life, and diana continued to do her hero thing. somewhere in between of life, they had their own small family, and this would be their firstborn. they grew up alongside the twins in london, and probably had to deal with.... a lot, like the stage their little sister went thru where she stanned mom EXTRA HARD, and the time that their little bro went to the english equivalent of juvie. once they were in the latter teen years / had aged up to adult, all the kids kinda went their own ways - following their various dreams and whatnot until all roads led to here. but they were all VERY close growing up - understandably - and depending on how things have played out for them, they still stand a shot of being now! option two, while less fleshed out, could be that the eldest kid is actually from the first shot that steve and diana had at their relationship - conceived before steve died prior to the end of world war one, and still alive now because of inherited amazonian powers. they'd be... much older than adrian and theora in that case, but depending on how it's played, they could still totally have been close! maybe they spent an extended period in london w them, both to get close to steve and to know their sibs! maybe they just tried to make that a priority! who's ! to ! say! 

)ADRIAN & THEORA TREVOR, our TOM HARDY & KATE SIEGEL fcs are looking for their YOUNGER SIBLING who looks like MANDY MOORE, RACHEL BILSON, SERINDA SWAN, TYE SHERIDAN, MAX IRONS, DANIEL SHARMAN / ANY FC and ANY AGE / PREFERABLY OVER 25. ( okay! this connect is for the youngest of the bunch, and boy oh boy... what freedom there is. the only thing ENTIRELY set is that, like the twins and the elder sib - if option one of that connect is followed thru - they were born and raised in london, where steve settled down to have the wholesome fam life while diana continued hero-ing. like ALL the sibs, in their later teen years / adulthood, they went their own way and did their own thing - totally up to YOU where that brought them and what was going on in their life - but... all roads lead, x2, and here they are. we totally can't speak for the yet unpicked up older sib, but adrian and theora are both... wildly loyal individuals who care about and love their fam more than absolutely anything, so while they got the younger sib treatment from their older sib, they gave it, x2, when it came to this one. they would have been so, so loved - and honestly? very close, at least up until a certain point. everyone in the family eventually drifted, but that doesn't mean that the love has ever waned, or that the twins' over protectiveness of them has ever stopped. cos it hasn't. they love them more than words can say, and would probably be THRILLED to have them here. in fairness its probably the first time they've all been together with no end point in sight in years, the sum of their conversations probably over way too many skype calls and text messages up until now. we'd love to have them! small explanation for the 'preferably over 25'. steve and diana are kinda?? the perfect family for chars on the 'older' end of the spectrum, and we kinda love the idea of all the kids being actual adults™ at this stage, especially since the rest of the siblings are all in their mid thirties plus. )

GRÁINNE CASSIDY, our SOPHIE RUNDLE fc is looking for her SIBLINGS / TWO OLDER, TWO YOUNGER who look like FINN COLE, OLIVIA COOKE, CILLIAN MURPHY, EMILY BROWNING, DOUGLAS BOOTH / ANY FACE CLAIM who are anything from 20-40 YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( do u want to play a member of a crime fam, but ur not sure which to pick? do u want to play an irish char, but dont know what to do? if the answer is yes to the first and no to the second, but ur ok with settling, then boy o boy do i have the crime fam for you ! mutant on their fathers side and mobster on their mothers, the cassidy-sullivan’s are honestly… p hot, if i say so myself. their matriarch was left the only member of the fam after they were wiped out in gotham about ten years ago, and now they’re all getting older, the kids are restarting that specific fam business. i love the idea of them all having like… conflicting ideals, conflicting ideas for their fam, conflicting LIVES. gráinne fancies herself the head of the family right now, and at least for the minute is continuing their loyalty to the falcone’s. her sibs could want to challenge her… could be happy working alongside her… could mayb not even wanna be apart of the family - it’s honestly up to YOU ! )

MAKENA THURMAN, our ZOE KRAVITZ fc is looking for her ADOPTIVE SISTER / HOPE SUMMERS connection who looks like KIMIKO GLENN, ALISON SUDOL, RILEY KEOGH, DEMET OZDEMIR / ANY FC who is 26+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( i also play hope’s “grandmother”, jean, but i mostly just !! really want kena’s fave and most badass big sis !! )

NIKKI BARTON, our PHOEBE TONKIN fc is looking for her ALMOST FOSTER PARENT / CANON OR OTHERWISE who looks like PLAYERS CHOICE and is  PARENT AGED. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( right after her mom died and before her dad TECHNICALLY kidnapped her, nikki bounced from foster home to foster home a lot over a period of about three years. they most all ended badly, but there was one - the one right at the end, the one she left when her dad came back - that stuck with her, because a part of her was… sort of hoping they would want to keep her forever. they brought a softness to her that she had been pretty quickly losing, supported her when needed, were strict when they had to be, and have always been a pretty big what if in her life - making the idea of them reappearing and nikki encountering them at this point in her messy life… really interesting to me. )

NORA LANCE-QUEEN, our JOSEFINE FRIDA PETTERSEN fc is looking for her MOTHER / DINAH LAUREL LANCE who looks like ( SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR, CHRISTINA HENDRICKS, ADRIANNA PALICKI, DIANE KRUGER, MICHELLE PFEIFFER / ANY FC ) who is  MOM YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( nora is embarking on a new char arc that’s basically.. going to lead into her becoming a vigilante, smth she never rly wanted before now, and def like.. laying groundwork for her to Someday, whenever dinah steps down, mayhaps taking on the black canary mantle. she loves her dad, but she STANS her mom, so..pls )

NORA LANCE-QUEEN, our JOSEFINE FRIDA PETTERSEN fc is looking for her  FATHER / OLIVER QUEEN who looks like NIKOLAJ COSTER WALDAU, CHARLIE HUNNAM, MATT CZURCHY, RYAN GOSLING / ANY FC  who is DAD YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( oliver queen may have his - many - faults, but nora was honestly… always sort of a daddy’s girl, and that’s an unfortunate trait she may never rly lose. pls bring green arrow dad. i can’t offer much, but i can give u all the angst u could want. )

NORA LANCE-QUEEN, our JOSEFINE FRIDA PETTERSEN fc is looking for her TWO OLDER SIBLINGS who look like  BRIE LARSON, TOBY REGBO, CANDICE ACCOLA, DANIEL SHARMAN / ANY FC  who is 25+ YEARS OLD . you DON’T  have to contact prior to applying. ( it is honestly… one of my many dreams for nora to have a couple older sibs that she’s actually, like. u know. pretty close to! im not saying it couldnt go the other way bc ofc that’s just as interesting to explore, but im.. big hoe for the idea of three sibs standing shoulder to shoulder against the world and everything it may throw at them. )

RAMONA DARKHOLME, our MADCHEN AMICK fc is looking for her ELDEST CHILD ( MUST HAVE NAME BEGINNING WITH R ) connection who looks like WILLIAM MOSELEY, LILY JAMES, TOBY REGBO, WILLA FITZGERALD, DOUGLAS BOOTH, IMOGEN POOTS / ANY FC who is 30-35 YEARS OLD. you DO have to contact prior to applying at OFDARKHOLMES or DISCORD ( jean grey rail me challenge#5427 ). ( ok … hear me out. mayb im wrong. mayb im right. but i think… that romy having a kid that’s on the older end of the spectrum could b pretty fun, and i have … a whole sort of. concept for them. so. back in the early years of her relationship with her baby daddy ( he is an npc named abe ), and back when she was… very young, and VERY committed to the brotherhood cause - there came to be an accident. one that was loved, don’t get me wrong, but an accident nonetheless. at that point, romy… couldn’t care for a kid. she just wasn’t prepared for one, and it kind of parralells what happened roughly ten years later, in my mind - one child she knew she wasn’t prepped for and gave up for that very reason, and two that she could have given the world to but had to give up because the world said no. but here’s the CONCEPT ; i’d love if they could have been raised by raven, and if romy… was still in their life, as they grew. moreso than that, i’d love if they were past the awkward stage of “oh, so, i’m ur mom”, or at least… both on the same page about that, and think it could be a super neat dynamic if they had kind of gone from… mother / child to older sister / younger sister cookie cutout relationships to something more friendly. i’m essentially flying by the seat of my pants, here, and i can be talked into ANYTHING ( ask my friends, they’ll tell you ), but i’d love to have… a cute lil romy darkholme / darkholme extended fam , ok. pls. allow this to b a thing. ur grandmom / mayb adoptive mom is raven and ur grandfather is logan FOR CRYING OUT LOUD )

TRIXIE ESPINOZA, our CHRISTIAN SERRATOS fc is looking for her FATHERS / DAN ESPINOZA & LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR who look like JAY HERNANDEZ, ALFONSO HERRERA, GABRIEL LUNA, ANY MEXICAN FC ( DAN ) / DIEGO LUNA, RICKY WHITTLE, TOM ELLIS, ANY FC ( LUCIFER ) who are 40+ ( DAN ) & 1000+ ( LUCIFER ) YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( healthy coparents, unite !! chloe and dan are two of lapd’s best and brightest, and trix loves her parents so much - but she ALSO loves her stepfather, lucifer, and he’s 100% on the same level in her mind as her birth parents. )

TRIXIE ESPINOZA, our CHRISTIAN SERRATOS fc is looking for her MOTHER / CHLOE DECKER who looks like LAUREN GERMAN, VERA FARMIGA, WINONA RYDER, SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR, AMY ACKER, PLAYERS CHOICE who is  40+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( if u have seen lucifer, then u already have a pretty good idea of trixie’s dynamic with her mom! her dad is great and all, but… chloe was the one who was REALLY there for her, ya know? i kinda had it hced that chloe is now with lucifer cause that’s how the show was heading to and i didn’t imagine anyone snagging anymore lucifer chars, but i’m! definitely open to changing that! just gimme her mom pls! )

VICTORIA CREED, our STELLA MAEVE fc is looking for a “HALF-SIBLING” / COUSIN connection who looks like DJ COTRONA, JASON RALPH, KATIE CASSIDY, TINASHE, ANTHONY RAMOS, PLAYERS CHOICE who is ANY AGE / PREFERABLY 26+. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( so. yall best know yall can do what yall WANT, its just.. originally when i played vicki i had a wc for a “half-brother”, and i was thinking about it recently and think it could be… kinda fun. SO. this is for a kid of victor creed - either.. biologically, or another one that he just kinda . stole - that vicki actually knew during certain points of her life, because for the most part, she was pretty isolated. for whatever reason - maybe he just wanted someone to keep an eye on his investment or whatever - victor allowed these two to interact a bit more, and depending on how they were to one another, i feel that a certain loyalty definitely could have developed between them. vicki got fucked over a couple times and left in, like, japan for 9 months and a yemen prison for another six and incidents like that have dotted her life, but im kinda thinking this “half-sibling” could have been the one who.. helped her out, or was stuck there alongside her. gimme! )

ZIVA MIZRAHI, our INBAR LAVI fc is looking for her HALF BROTHER connection who looks like SHILOH FERNANDEZ, JUSTIN BALDONI, JULIAN MORRIS, JUSSIE SMOLLETT, XAVIER DOLAN / UP TO PLAYER ( tho the named are preferred ) who is 30+. you DO have to contact prior to applying at SICVIITAEST or DISCORD ( jean grey rail me challenge#5427 ). ( things to know: they were both born in tel aviv, israel, and they share the same father - an oc named joseph, who is now dead. neither of ziva’s birth parents were good people, but what his mother was like and what happened to her is up to you. they were raised together, however briefly, before they were separated - ziva was seven, and he was either a small bit younger or older. both of them were experimented upon, though like prev, it’s really up to you whether or not that resulted in any sort of enhancements. she became a ward of shield, and where he ended up is completely up to you - just like his personality and whatnot, though i’ll admit straight up that the main reason i’m looking for him and the main reason i waNT him is cause i would love… for him to b a drumroll, please - villain. w her being raised to be a hero and him being raised the opposite it would create a rly [ forgive my choice of phrase ] hot contrast, and make them.. two sides of a literally same coin. it would also b. pretty fun to explore both of their feelings, and both of their motivations - would ziva want to try and see him better? would he want her to join him/think more on his side of things? would it instead take the turn of her wanting to b the one to take him down, or vice versa, and would either b capable of that? it’s fun to imagine so ! do the thing ! )

romantic.

ADRIAN TREVOR, our TOM HARDY fc is looking for an EX-FLING / MOTHER OF HIS CHILD connection who looks like EVA GREEN, MILA KUNIS, EVA LONGORIA, HOLLY MARIE COMBS who is 30+ YEARS OLD. you DO have to contact prior to applying at FIIDELIS. ( so! i won’t go into everything about this one here cause i wanna try keep it short, but basically… they were on and off and never really an official item for years - way back to when he was still in the army, meeting up and having relations whenever he was home / free for a while - and were… complete opposites. on the surface, it seemed as if she was the sweet and innocent angel, and he was this rough geezer. in actuality, SHE’S kinda cold hearted - in the best of ways - and he’s the softie, but… not many people rly knew that truth. anyway, they came to an end right around the time he got into his short lived relationship + marriage, and he always thought of her as a big “what if”… right up to last year when he discovered that after they had ended, she had moved to the states and had his son. the kid is seven now, and she never told him for obvious reasons, but he’s here only to try and make something work - he never WANTED to have a kid, but he’s not going to deny him now he knows. we can talk out p much everything, but ! yeah ! )

RAMONA DARKHOLME, our MADCHEN AMICK fc is looking for her EX-FLINGS / MAX. FOUR who look like WINONA RYDER, SOFIA VERGARA, PEDRO PASCAL, HUGH DANCY / UP TO PLAYER and are 35+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( romy might have lost the love of her life, but she did not lose her sex drive. i’m sure there’s a better way i could have worded that, but… whatever. over the years since her fiance passed, romy has tried many times to move on - and that means she has quite a few exes scattered about the place, all of whom she has a different dynamic with. like any ex / current fling connect, i’m most interested in discussing how it started and all with people who want to do it, cause i think that’s the best way of making unique dynamics! )

other.

ADRIAN TREVOR, our TOM HARDY fc is looking for a NEW BOSS / ANYONE WHO WORKS connection who looks like UP TO PLAYER and is 30+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( right now, adrian’s main job is pouring coffee for millennials at starbucks. he’s ex-army and current gang, and he’s really not got that much going for him - but it’d be nice, if there was someone out there in a better place, job wise, willing to give him a shot. he needs to get that bread! )

ADRIAN TREVOR, our TOM HARDY fc is looking for a NEW BOSS x2 / ANY PRESS ADJACENT CHARACTER WHO WORKS connection who looks like UP TO PLAYER who is 30+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( can you tell that i literally… do not know what to refer to this connection as? lmao. anyway he’s an independent journalist - who writes things on like… avocado recipes and shit for whoever will hire him at a time - and i’m not sure on the newspaper / general press situation here, but i’d love for someone to read his writing and take him on as some sort of regular reporter. i imagine it would remain secondary to his “main” job if only because he really needs to keep himself afloat here, but over time, i’d love to see him succeed and actually become the journalist who writes about relevant things that he’s always dreamt of being. )

EMMA FROST, our AMBER HEARD fc is looking for her HELLFIRE CLUB INNER CIRCLE / MAX. FIVE who look like ANY FC and are 30+ YEARS OLD. you DO have to contact prior to applying at WHIITEQUEENS or DISCORD. ( out with the old, in with the new. after emma’s hellfire club takeover, the old inner circle was removed, and she’s now formed her own out of members she trusts. they’d have neat titles all sourced from a chess board, and that, plus how they met / what their connection to emma would be because they would def have one is mostly why i’m making it a contact thing cos ! i’d like for us to smooth those details out! )

EMMA FROST, our AMBER HEARD fc is looking for her SECRETARY & PERSONAL ASSISTANT’S / MAX. TWO who look like ANY FC and are 25+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( emma runs frost international, a multi-billion dollar company that deals mostly in transportation, but has started to branch out into electronics. its a full time thing and she actually… doesn’t spend all her time on it, because she’s also dedicated to remaining an active professor and is splitting time between everything. she does it quite well i’d like to imagine, but she definitely needs the added help, and that would be these chars! bonus points if they’re mutants! )

GRÁINNE CASSIDY, our SOPHIE RUNDLE fc is looking for the FAMILY OF HER DECEASED SPOUSE connection who look like ANY FACE CLAIMS and are ANY AGE. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( gráinne married at twenty six to the self professed love of her young life - someone who was better than her, who may or may not have known the full extent of the cassidy-sullivan crime families activities, but who loved her back, regardless of all else. theirs was a whirlwind romance - they had known each other before, surely, but had gotten ahead of themselves quickly once together - begun in spring and married in winter ; and when the leaves began to turn once more, and new life began to bloom, gráinne’s love was taken from her. it was her fault. whether they died for her or died because of her, details can be smoothed out, but the blame rests on only one woman’s shoulders, and their family surely KNOWS. give her people who resent that she exists. people who can’t understand why a light of their lives was extinguished, while gráinne cassidy gets to continue. give her people who can fuel her own feelings of responsibility. )

MAKENA THURMAN, our ZOE KRAVITZ fc is looking for a BOSS connection who look like JASON MOMOA and is 30+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( kena works at the karma klub as an accountant and booking agent, and i’d ! love for her manager / owner of the klub / honestly… whatever tf / to be a jason momoa face, just because… their pics are supes cute and i think it’d be really sweet if kena had this older guy in her life who’s almost, like… someone guiding her? they’re in the scene longer than her, they can provide some tips and tricks, and just past the job aspect.. neither of her parents are here, so it would be nice for her to have someone who can sort of step into that role and be someone who she has learnt to be able to go to and confide in, when needed. )

MAKENA THURMAN, our ZOE KRAVITZ fc is looking for her EX HOUSEMATE connection who looks like PIPPA SOO, ALFIE ENOCH, HAYLEY LAW, JOHN BOYEGA / UTP who is 25+. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( in the years before her daughter was born, makena wasn’t always the most stable of people. she’s also never exactly been the WORST, but… she’s always had a lot of issues with keeping her emotions in check, and she used to be horribly selfish and petty, at the worst of times. after becoming friends in college, she and this character decided to get an apartment together and split the costs - but after a few months of this, shit hit the fan, and kena fucked up in a way that she couldn’t go back from, resulting in them kicking her out. they’ve barely spoken since, and she harbors.. a lot of resentment, for that fateful event. )

NIKKI BARTON, our PHOEBE TONKIN fc is looking for a EX-CLIENTS connection who looks like UP TO PLAYER who is ANY AGE you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( i’m gonna keep this one a little vague, cause.. i wanna leave it open to multiple people, and i think every single one of those could have a different sort of dynamic with her. nikki used to work as a drugrunner for a major dealer named callum. he was, for want of a better description - an abusive piece of shit, and he continued to be that right up until nikki killed him in self defense. HOWEVER, before he died and she got carted off to jail, nikki used to do a lot of jobs for him, and they led her across states. she would have rubbed shoulders with a lot of not so great people, but also some kinda ok ones. some might have heard what happened, others won’t and might be kinda confused about what the FUCK happened to their supply, but either way.. i want. also. callum coulda had some other helpers. idk. i just want it ALL. ) ( bea zsasz & others )

RAMONA DARKHOLME & ABRAHAM MUELLER, our MADCHEN AMICK fc is looking for their EX-BROTHERHOOD GROUP MEMBERS connection who look like WINONA RYDER, PEDRO PASCAL, JADA PINKETT SMITH, ANGELA BASSETT, HALLY BERRY, NORMAN REEDUS, KEANU REEVES / PLAYERS CHOICE, MUST BE 40+ THO who are 45+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( any of them can maybe be kids of canons, depending ON the canon?? anyway. all of them - preferably about.. five, ig - are surviving members of the brotherhood group that romy ran, some nineteen years ago. they all worked together for YEARS, moving around europe a lot but spending some time settled in rural germany, which was ultimately where their particular crusade seemed to come to an end. intolerant humans attacked them, most were killed, and those that ran were assumed dead / assumed they were the only survivors, pretty much ‘til now. romy back means they’re probably gonna maybe want to restart what they were doing before, and this connection could rly go.. any way. maybe romy - ran into one of them at some point in the past, and relieved they were alive, kept in contact to call them someday, leading to their reunion now. maybe they’ve seen a familiar name in the paper, or on the paragon website. maybe this is just where the wind has blown them. i lov the idea of this squad, ‘kay, cos.. they spent a chunk of their time together, and for romy, they were less friends more #fam ) 

TRIXIE ESPINOZA, our CHRISTIAN SERRATOS fc is looking for LUCIFER CANONS / MAZIKEEN, AMENADIEL, LINDA MARTIN, ELLA LOPEZ, CHARLOTTE RICHARDS who look like LESLEY-ANN BRANDT ( MAZE ) / DB WOODSIDE, IDRIS ELBA, ANY BLACK MALE ( AMENADIEL ) / RACHAEL HARRIS, RACHAEL TAYLOR, KRISTEN BELL, ANY FC ( LINDA ) / AIMEE GARCIA, MARIA LAAS, EVA LONGORIA, ANY MEXICAN OR PUERTO RICAN FC ( ELLA ) / TRICIA HELFER, JAMEELA JAMIL, CONSTANCE WU, ANY FC ( CHARLOTTE ) who are ANY AGE. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( considering just how interlocked everyone has become on the show, between… maze and linda and amenadiel, ella working with everyone, charlotte being with dan, etc - i like to kinda imagine… they’re all a huge, vaguely blessed family. it would b nice not to b the only lucifer canon rocking around the place ! )

TRIXIE ESPINOZA, our CHRISTIAN SERRATOS fc is looking for ILLEGAL PATIENTS who look like UP TO PLAYER and are ANY AGE. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( trix is a med student, and she does a lot of work at the local hospital - but i also imagine that over the last few years, she’s sort of made a name for herself in the lowkey sense as someone who’s willing to treat patients out of hours / out of the hospital / etc on the downlow. if your character is a vigilante / hero / villain / etc, who sometimes gets themselves fuckt up and doesn’t want to make the big deal it could be by getting treated officially… hit her up ! she’ll fix you up for free, and she’ll do it discreetly. )

TRIXIE ESPINOZA, our CHRISTIAN SERRATOS fc is looking for MORTUARY COWORKERS who look like UP TO PLAYER and are ANY AGE. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( so !! trixie currently works at the local morgue, and as of right now… i think she’s the only one who does? and i’d love for her to have some coworkers there, cause it’s obviously such a heavy job, and i think… while it doesn’t phase trix, it would still be nice for her to have people who can relate to how TOUGH it can be sometimes, and who she can kind of have developed a little something something with. )

VICTORIA CREED, our STELLA MAEVE fc is looking for VICTIMS who look like UP TO PLAYER and are ANY AGE. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( twenty six years spent being little more than another weapon in victor creed’s hands means that victoria has… a lot of blood on her hands. i dare say that none of it is blood she wanted to spill, but the fact remains that she never really knew enough torefuse. she’s done a lot of things she’s not proud of, and she’s hurt a lot of people - meaning she’s going to be spending a great deal of her very long life trying, in vain, to make amends in some way. i want for her to encounter people who she’s hurt. either directly, or that… she hurt their family or distant family before alongside victor, and either she recognizes them and seeks them out, or they recognize her and seek her out. give her people who shout and scream about what she’s done, and people who can’t believe she’s being allowed walk around and keep on living. give her people who know she was just another victim of a psychopath, who could maybe give her something she’s never had before - forgiveness - and make her feel a way she’s also… never felt before. give her all sorts of connections under this heading bc i think it’s unrealistic if she has none. )

ZIVA MIZRAHI, our INBAR LAVI fc is looking for her SENIOR AGENTS SHE SPENT TIME WITH GROWING UP / LIMITLESS connection who look like UTP and who are 28+ YEARS OLD. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( ziva basically lived at headquarters from the time she was brought in - age six - to now, and while nick and natasha were her primary caregivers, she was often shuttled between different agents during down periods or whatnot. basically, if she for some reason couldn’t stay at shield itself, or there was a holiday - like thanksgiving, christmas, easter, her birthday - coming up, she’d be taken in briefly by a senior agent or their family and given a place to stay for a bit before such a time as she returned. )

ZIVA MIZRAHI, our INBAR LAVI fc is looking for her PERSON SELLING SHIELD INTEL connection who looks like UTP and who is ANY AGE. you DON’T have to contact prior to applying. ( they would be a shield agent, but what separates them from most is for whatever reason - be it nefarious or something closer in line with money troubles - they’ve been selling information on shield to the highest bidder. five years ago, ziva was sent on a mission with a handful of agents she had never really worked with before, and because of information that they gave - and the fact that they, or another, heavily implied that because of her shield upbringing ziva would be the one with the most intel on that team - the mission was compromised from the get go, and while ziva was captured, everyone else was wiped out. she suffered over a year at the hands of her captors and meanwhile, everyone back home fully believed that she was dead. what they did could weigh on them, or it might not. if it’s a case of something more innocent whereby they’ve needed the money gained from selling secrets, it could even be that they didn’t realize that the info they were giving was going to lead that particular buyer where it did. again, if not, it could be because they have a grudge against ziva for some reason we can talk out or smth. i’m v much into the idea of this and ! would love for it to b taken ! so pls ! do the thing ! )

#ooc.

[maywemeetagain-youheldyourbreath]

bellarke fam, why has NO ONE written Henry Tudor VII and Elizabeth of York bellarke fic? LIKE come on. what a perfect period piece for them. imagine this, Clarke as Elizabeth of York...the white princess. Born a princess to smart and savvy Elizabeth Woodville-type, Abby and the King of England, Jake (Edward VI). Her family has been at war with Lancaster (Tudors) for fucking ever and after her father dies her whole world is turned upside down, her position is not secure. Her two brother, the heirs to the throne, are killed. And her uncle takes the throne and declares Clarke and her sisters bastards. She's a princess without a crown, a ruler with no legacy. THEN THE PRETENDER KING, A BOY THAT WAS EXILED TO FRANCE AS A CHILD, FINALLY RAISES HIS FUCKING ARMY BECAUSE THE YORKS ARE FIGHTING AMONGST THEMSELVES. THE TIME IS NOW SO HE TRAVELS ACROSS THE SEA TO ENGLAND. Bellamy Blake (Henry Tudor VII). His mother, who tbh is nuts, thinks he was born to be king, that it is god's will, but the people of England don't want him. They want Edward's heir on the throne- Clarke. But it's history so a woman cannot rule. He's got a major chip on his shoulder about how much the people hate him and love her. HOWEVER, Clarke's mother (ever the brilliant politician) wants Richard to pay for murdering her sons and taking her children's legacy from them and wants to put one of her children back on the throne. So she promises, against Clarke's will, her hand in marriage to this Tudor boy, Bellamy. He doesn't wanna marry some York girl. She doesn't want to marry some Tudor pretender. Remember, their families have been at war FOREVER, their entire lives. WAR OF ROSES, FAM. But he knows the nobles of England will not back his claim to the throne without a York beside him. La Clarke. Abby says Clarke will marry him if he beats Richard. Against all odds, seriously some crazy odds, Bellamy wins at the Battle of Bosworth. Bellamy murders Richard. He goes to London and meets Clarke. They are outrageously suspicious of one another. Like who the fuck is this person I have to share MY throne with. On BOTH sides. Bellamy is an inexperienced leader, an exiled pretender to the throne that she believes has taken the throne by force. Clarke is a "spoiled princess" that has never known real struggle and is beloved by the people where he is only met with mistrust. They marry to unite their houses- York and Lancaster (ie. Tudor). And their marriage is not a strictly happy one...at first. Lots of shade. They know no other world than the one that had them at odds. Bellamy acts like a petulant Bitch. He wants to prove his worth as a sovereign so he does not marry Clarke right away which has some people like HEY BRO WTF WE WANT A YORK QUEEN. He has his coronation without her and is crowned king with no queen. A play of power. Clarke thinks he's being a baby and showing great weakness by having to flex his muscles. He keeps putting off their marriage because lols he's "busy running the country". Clarke puts Bellamy in his place. "Your claim to England was only legitimized because you said I would be your queen. To England, you are a foreigner aggressor, a conqueror, not its king." She's fierce and fabulous and is handsome to behold. A true York rose- blonde, blue eyed and beautiful. They learn to know each other a little better after that but they are hardly friends. Allies in the common goal to repair England. Bellamy and Clarke marry. She wears a red dress, Tudor colors, but it is a clear sign that she is being married off like a harlot, a spoil of war. She's still bitter af about being used as a pawn in her mother's political game. Their wedding night is terrible and awkward and they do their duty but do not speak. Clarke becomes pregnant immediately. Like FREAKISHLY fast. Bellamy is in awe of her. TBH. He falls in love with her over the period of her pregnancy. She's regal and generous and when the sweating sickness breaks out because Bellamy's army is foreign and brings the disease across the sea, she sends money and doctors and aid to the common people. "We cannot let people die if we have the means to save them". Cue heart eyes? Oh yea. Eight months later, she gives birth to a son, Arthur. An heir of both Tudor and York. His birth means the war is really over. Both sides have their heir. He's small and fragile and both of them are besotted with him. It's as a father, Clarke falls in love with him. Bellamy is a stern man and not lavish in the ways that Clarke is. She likes music and parties and art and the finer things. He grew up with nothing in exile and so he is not fond of the revelry of the court. But with their son, he softens. He also sees how art and culture make her happy and (this part is true about Henry and Elizabeth) their court becomes a supporter of the arts. BECAUSE IT MAKES HER HAPPY and he's about her being happy. He begins to gift her things. He's awkward and doesn't know how to make Clarke see how much he cares about her. In his plain court, she gets new dresses and pretty trinkets. She gets music and parties and they commission art. It's the renaissance guys but let's not get into how much love he had for his queen that like he literally became a PATRON OF THE ARTS FOR HIM. This awkward, grumpy gus that has no time for revelry makes their court a comfy place for her. She tries to thank him for his gifts but every time she brings it up he gruffly responds "it's nothing, really". She loves her grumpy king. BUT THEY ARE SO BAD AT FEELINGS. Like, okay, they are married and have a kid together and they can't figure it the fuck out. Finally, Bellamy makes the ultimate gesture. He has her anointed queen. She could be his wife without being queen. That happened. But he's gonna make her his fucking QUEEN in the eyes of god and the state. AND LET ME TELL YOU, her coronation is extra as fuck. After, when they are sitting on the throne together, she takes his hand and he knows. He knows that she understands what he was trying to say. They are not enemies anymore. Their marriage bed goes from duty to awkward to passionate. His affection is apparent to everyone in court and they have more children together. Life goes on better than before. War crops up again and they defeat their enemy together. Life is great, fam. Years later, their eldest son Arthur dies at fifteen. From sweating sickness. The same disease Bellamy's army brought with him when he conquered England. He falls into terrible grief. They both do. But Clarke powers through. In their late thirties, Clarke tells him they are still young and will have another baby in honor of Arthur. They do. But Clarke and the baby die. Bellamy locks himself away in his castle. His grieves with his children. First Arthur, now Clarke. He is in mourning for the rest of his life and never remarries (Henry VII becomes a shadow of himself). And every year on the anniversary of his wife's birthday he releases hundreds of birds into the London sky. Until he dies and their son, Henry VIII, has them buried together in Westminster Abbey. Side by side.

#bellarke #bellarke fic #WAR OF ROSES FIC #bellarke fam I'm so sorry #but how is this not a thing

[junker-town]

Trash Or Nawl: The 10 trash albums of the year

Welcome to Trash Or Nawl, a weekly column to help you weed through the Internet Muck. To do that, I’ll be breaking it down to a helpful binary: Is something trash? Or nawl? Topics here will involve sports and whatever else the hell I say is sports or sports adjacent. I’ll do my best to make sense of what's going on each week, but the thing to remember is no matter what I say, most of these things are still trash.

You might say this is simplistic, and hell yeah it is. This is how I make sense of the chaos. Professional grade hating restores power to my powerless stupid fan hands. I give a middle finger because I've given up clapping.

Trash or Nawl criteria: We will pick a topic. We will breakdown why or why it isn't trash. You can agree, you can comment or tweet your disagreements. Or we can fight. Really, it's up to you.

Good morning, hopefully y’all are hungover too. Today on a special edition of Trash Or Nawl, I’m finna discuss why y’all decided to make and praise these garbage ass albums. A lot of the blogs kept saying these tapes were fire, so we found out. Please enjoy this rare moment of where I put my Diddy hat and matching fur on.

“The inability to tell the difference between good pop and trash pop is the sign of a music philistine.” — My editor, Nate Scott.

With that in mind, I’m bout to fry tf outta all of the music Nate likes. [Editor’s Note: I don’t even like two-thirds of these albums and I’m not sure why I’m allowing this article to run, but whatever. Happy Holidays everyone.]

Lorde — Melodrama

I’m so muhfuckin tired of you internet people tellin me that Lorde, who basically only makes music that belongs on FIFA video game soundtracks, is making good music. This is some bullshit. Last night, I thought I was bangin out some whiskeys and was ready to party and tried out this wannabe Avatar background music. Woke up in a daze, night ruined.

And don’t you give me that “you a hating ass asshole I love Lorde” bullshit. I was gettin busy when “Royals” came out just like you were. And then whatever the hell “Green Light” is came on and ruined it. Lorde gon’ stop whisper singin’ on these tracks.

[Editor’s Note: This is one of the albums on this list that is objectively Good, and you need to understand that Tyler is just doing this to get a rise out of me and you.]

Also idk who told Lorde that this pop art album cover was litty, because this some diet Pablo Picasso ass shit. Ain’t fuckin wit it.

Haim — Something To Tell You

What the actual fuck is this? Most of these artists also just sound the same: like some weird version of whatever ‘80s movies made for white people were. Like, this easily coulda been the opening music for Pretty Woman. “Want You Back” doesn’t even make sense to me. Do you have a fear of forgiveness? Are you too proud? Are you blaming yourself?

We gotta stop telling our kids in grade school they can do anything they set their minds to because then we get shit like this. Seriously tho. I’m tired of the re-incarnation of Hall & Oates making pop music. I listened to “Founded It in Silence” five times by accident before I realized it was playing and not just my heater making noise.

Feist — Pleasure

Before “Pleasure” finally came on, I thought I got an album that didn’t have any music on it. Then when the song started and I spent the next minute not knowing what was actually said. The guitar was dope tho. Can’t hate on that. That fuckin guitar was dope as hell. But if I actually hear the word “pleasure” anymore in the way I have on this album that makes me think I’m in a Brooklyn dive bar with some round glasses ass hipsters wit they stupid turtle faces, I’m finna fight someone.

This album makes me feel like I’ve taken a lot of acid. I’ve never even had acid. Someone send me acid so I can know how I’m supposed to feel for listening to this album. [Editor’s Note: Please do not do this.] But, still. Can’t lie. This guitar is real real dope. Especially on “I Wish I Didn’t Miss You” but that ain’t gonna cut it, fam.

Charly Bliss — Guppy

I can fucks with a lil bit of some good rock music. But this fake ass Paramount [Editor’s Note: I think he meant Paramore but it’s a lot funnier as Paramount so I’m leaving it] sounding ass band wasn’t poppin. The drums was litty tho. New Indie Rock loves to do this thing where it remakes music that was born in the 80s but also the 90s now too. I felt like this coulda been played in Bring It On when Kirsten Dunst was hype because some bro made her a mixtape with his I’m Really Doing Something In Life struggle stubble. Also: Go Clovers.

Guppy wasn’t as bad as Lorde and Haim and Feist, but I just felt like someone was crying to me for 30 minutes. It also isn’t Future, Kendrick, SZA, John Legend, Migos, Badu or anything resembling it. Shit. This ain’t eem Plain White T’s “Hey There Delilah” level litty. [Editor’s Note: (Long, sustained sigh)] This ain’t making me pick up a guitar. Yeen head noddin to this. I can’t keep lettin y’all whine on a track and say you waxin poetic. I fuckin refuse. Empire wouldn’t even play this on they show.

Jason Isbell — The Nashville Sound

This is purely here because in a world where we’ve decided we ain’t fuckin with blatant white supremacy and nationalism (lol, this won’t last), I am triggered by a song titled “The Last Of My Kind.” Also, Isbell getting mad because folks laughed at him in college as a justification for this song is highkey highkey highkey the same reason people comment on Breitbart.

Photo by Rick Diamond/Getty Images for Country Music Hall Of Fame & Museum

He also made a song called “White Man’s World,” which, lol, y’all never really need to keep asking why folks don’t listen to country if this what y’all keep giving us. #WokeSZN #Resist #DumpTrump

[Editor’s Note: All the sportswriters of the world who are obsessed with this dude, please know that I had nothing to do with this section. Jason Isbell is great. Jason Isbell is the best. The Beatles? Beethoven? Fuck em. There is no one better than Jason Isbell, except maybe Bruce Springsteen, who I think you all also love for whatever reason. Please, for the love of god, don’t yell at me on Twitter.]

Margo Price — All American Made

A lot of you On The Internet Money Makin Whites love Margo Price. So because of that (and because OG Willie Nelson was making an appearance) I turned this on expecting non-pretentious and pompous ass country bangers I am accustomed to. Y’all told me this. Y’all told me she was the shit.

Welp.

Somebody call Deputy Raylan Givens and whip up that good wild west bullshit because Margo sound like the soundtrack to Justified. Margo dropped some bars that say “a little pain never hurt anyone” which is a whole lie because I promise you I was reeling from this weak shit.

OG Willie was dope tho. Don’t worry about that.

Taylor Swift — Reputation

Y’all knew this was gone be here.

First of all: IF CARDI B WASHED YO MIDDLE OF PENNSYLVANIA ASS ON THE CHARTS THEN YOU SHOULDA KNOWN WE FINNA GET THAT ASS UP OUTTA HERE BOI.

**re-adjusts collar**

I’m sad Future had to be dragged onto this album, but I know he owe Rocko a few Brinks trucks so I understand. I don’t know what Taylor keeps doing with these albums, tho. She’s always gonna get a few body rolls from me just because Future was featured here on some childish ass beats. But, y’all can’t expect me to think it’s pawpin for Tay Tay in the year of our lord 2017.

Photo by Dia Dipasupil/Getty Images

The New York Times, however, wants you to know this was super hot fire. Smh.

Katy Perry — Witness

Listen dog. I used to get it EXTREMELY LIT at high school mixers to some Katy Perry. Ain’t nobody gonna ever tell me Katy Perry wasn’t the white T-Pain at one point in my life. Left Shark is the hero this world needed at a time we didn’t know it. But the song “Swish Swish” which includes a line saying “Swish Swish Bish” featuring Nicki Minaj is one of the worst things created in a year full of some of the worst things ever.

The thing I didn’t expect: Nicki Minaj was actually the second-best thing about as much of this album as I was able to tolerate. Quavo yelling “KATY PERRY,” harmonizing with her in autotune, rapping many random “ayes,” yelling his own name, and randomly saying “Bon Appetit” on “Bon Appetit” is the best thing. [Editor’s Note: This is actually correct.] I need you to notice, the good things here have nothing to do with the person who made the music. If Space Jam and an elevator had a child and it grew to become a singer, it would make this album.

Macklemore — Gemini

Skylar Grey SANG her ass owf on this tape for “Glorious.” But Macklemore following up her vocals with “I’m feelin glorious, the crib lookin Victorian, you know we been goin in, since we hopped out that Dolorean, I’m gone, things are just things, they don’t make you who you are, can’t pack up a UHaul and take it wit you when you gone, we posted on the porch my family glasses to the stars, my grandma smiling down on me like OUU THAT BOY GOT BARS” is the most sickening thing I’ve ever had to take part in.

I don’t know if I’m more mad that another Macklemore album came out or the people who keep letting Macklemore let another Macklemore album come out. The sad part is: Macklemore actually gets some really fire ass beats. But we keep getting some fake ass Eminem verses because nobody gonna tell Macklemore either 1) he can’t rap that well or 2) he can’t rap that well about happy go lucky shit all the time.

Photo by Andreas Rentz/Getty Images

Mack also steps on Kesha’s angelic vocals on “Good Old Days,” Yachty’s assumed piano playing in “Marmalade,” and Offset’s ad-libs on “Willy Wonka,” which is just unconscionable. Also every single song on this tape except “Ten Million” had a feature. He reverse J. Cole’d himself. What world are we living in.

DJ Khaled & Friends — Grateful

I’m mad at Khaled for several reasons:

I followed him on Snapchat in anticipation to this album

His bit is lowkey tiresome at this point

Asahd is the most handsome baby in the world, which brings envy from my being

The album has 23 songs and is an hour-and-a-half long

The album was no where near any other Khaled bangers out

Khaled hyped this shit up for no good damn reason

That being said, this Khaled tape is probably the best worst tape of the year. “Shining” with Beyonce and her lil’friend is a fun song, and Qween has never made bad music. You’re welcome, Shea Moisture Twitter. “Wild Thoughts” still got me thinking about Havana fwiw even tho Bryson Tiller is the corniest dude alive next to Big Sean. “I’m The One” had me trine buy Bieber Merch and loudly singing said song at many functions. “I Love You So Much” was some cute Disney shit. “On Everything” had me jumpin on people’s couches.

But literally the other 80 percent of the tape is hot ass garbage. Which is super disappointing because a dude with the most Jordans in the world, prettiest baby alive, 18 mansions, superstar friends, and a call log that would envy the Lord hisself should be able to do marginally better than this.

Most times I think Khaled’s music is only good as an audio soporific. Sometimes that’s okay. Not this time. I’ve been deceived. To make up for this: Khaled plz send me some sneakers, Bellaire Rose and Jordan sweatsuits and all will be forgotten. [Editor’s Note: Khaled, don’t do thi... Actually, you know what? Khaled, do this. And throw in a sweatsuit for me.]

We’re good, Khaled. Because at the end of the day: You still better than Lorde.

If you disagree with these verdicts, comment below. As stated earlier, you can agree, comment, tweet through your frustration or fight. Really, it’s up to you.