#both are essential to the twink community

[tethered-heartstrings]

This fandom has an inherent issue in how it treats Will Graham, and there are a lot of factors.

I see a lot of fics, fanart, and posts that make Will a twink. He is not a twink by definition. A twink is a thin, hairless, gay man. Will has muscle, is toned, and has facial and body hair. On that same note, Hannibal is not a bear. Stop misunderstanding gay community terms and applying them to fictional characters for your own mlm fetishization and fantasies. Gay/queer men don’t need to fit specific labels. They don’t need to be defined by those outside their community to be valued or understood or taken seriously. Real gay/queer men can use those to identify themselves and their interests, but they are real people. Will and Hannibal are fictional characters that do not fit those labels, and they don’t need to.

I think the reason people make him a twink is to feminize him because they see femininity as weak. This brings me to another point on people always writing Will as a sub and a bottom. Too many people sexualize mlm relationships. They see it as purely sexual, and don’t understand the community and intimacy and history behind mlm love and relationships. People conflate someone being a sub as being a bottom and someone being a dom as being a top, and that is not necessarily true. Regardless, people often make Will both a sub and a bottom to weaken him and use it as an excuse for Hannibal to sexually abuse him. There is nothing sexy about a writer not understanding BDSM dynamic and writing an abuse fantasy. And there is nothing sexy about abuse. Period. Many writers and fans do so simply to cause Will harm. Another aspect of this is writing sex scenes that don’t use lube or even depict safe, sane sex (a CORE of BDSM). Lube isn’t optional, nor is it realistic that Hannibal and Will would forgo it. Spit, blood, etc (not even the bulbourethral gland secretions; learn some anatomy!) is not a good replacement for lube! All you are doing is writing painful sex. And being a bottom isn’t weak. Taking a dick in the ass isn’t weak. Putting a dick in the ass as a top also isn’t strong. It is nothing more than a sexual dynamic between two CONSENTING adults.

Writing Will in this way is also often infantilizing. It’s ableist as fuck to write him as unable to take care of himself, being too weak and needing Hannibal to do everything for him. Will is a grown man who has lived alone, has fed and clothed himself, feeds his dog, maintains a house and a car and a job, and does his own repairs. He isn’t useless.

Another issue I have is often seeing nontrans writers writing Will as a transman, only to essentially treat him female. It’s like they wanted brownie points for inclusivity. Writing Will as ftm only to treat him as weak, inferior, and inherently a bottom/sub is transphobic and misogynistic. Will as a trans man is a man! End of conversation. And even if you gender swapped him to be female, he would not be instantly lesser than Hannibal.

It all comes back to people wanting Will to be this useless, feminine, weak, inferior, and honestly abused character alongside Hannibal. If you believe that, you didn’t watch the show. Hannibal sees Will as his fucking equal if not elevated to the status of a god he worships. In what world would he physically or sexually abuse him? In what world is a man who beat someone to death, has killed, and will kill again a weak little man? Stop fetishizing mlm, stop weakening one side of a queer relationship to fit your cisheteronormative idea of queer intimacy. It is inaccurate and disgusting and you are simply just wrong.

#will graham #hannibal lecter #hannibal #hannibal nbc #nbc hannibal #hannibal fic #hannibal fanfiction #the speaking clown #angry anons will be ignored <3

[kaelio]

Macro/micro for the fetish thing 📏

Ok, I know this ask is because of that entry in Anne Rice's journal where she watched Jack & The Beanstalk (she misremembered, I'm pretty sure this was Jack the Giant Slayer) so she could mack on Ian McShane and was annoyed the giants in it weren't hot enough, but obviously this is relevant to me because I draw micro/macro applicable stuff for a couple fandoms, or I have anyway.

The answer to this is, however, complex! Yes, in a way, but also not really, in a different way.

So first off, I like to write pornography, but it can't really get me off if I was the one who wrote it. Same with fanart. It's a writing challenge with a smack of pay-it-forward, or the sex is inherent to something I am trying to capture, but if I write it myself I'm too close to it; I remember too much of the process or mentally go into editing mode.

But as a result I tend to think of fetishes as both multipliers and ingredients.

As a consumer, I tend to think of fetishes as multipliers. Like, something that you're totally neutral on is a 1x. Something you just can't stand at all, total horny-killer, is a 0x. Hypothetically there's no upper bound but, say, 3x would mean the story is 3x hotter to you because it features that fetish. An example for me would be scat. Hard 0x. The second I see it, I'm out. No matter what else is going on, the multiplier is 0; the story is at a level of 0 hotness. The earlier answer on oviposition is like a .1x. I haven't run into a story with it that was good enough to get me off, but Bloodchild got close, so I'm saying with the deftest of hands, it can work. Micro/macro is maybe like a situational 1.2x. It's a little bump but it's not going to be make or break per se. It could be in a story where it added nothing to me.

Because that's where we get into fetishes as ingredients.

When I'm thinking about an effective piece of erotica, it's got components, right? It's expressing some notion. It'll have different ingredients in it that make up the whole, that make for a cohesive work. I do think that micro/macro can enhance some recipes a bit, but more than that, it's a virtually essential ingredient to others. Let's say you're into werewolf porn. If the werewolf is like, same-entity-size.... I dunno. Like I guess. But isn't the werewolf theme usually leaning on some sort of power dynamic that the savage nature of the werewolf highlights? The werewolf is going to be 140 lbs? Sure you don't want it to be a bit more Big? Or, to make a different point, more Small? That might take you in a funnier direction, more like a comedy premise perhaps, but something's being communicated by the inclusion of some kind of noticeable size difference.

Let's now take it over to tentacle porn. God, I tried. I have on an occasional whim thrown my lot in with Kurt Eichenwald and it just does not take. I can't get off to it. I'd love it if I could. But anyway, let's say someone's being pointedly caressed by an octopus. You can't have that be just a regular-size octopus. Kind of pathetic. Obviously, that octopus has to be bigger than an octopus should be. "Well, what if you add more octopuses, like an octopus gangbang?" Sure, that might work for some people. But for me it comes off as lacking in confidence. Oh, you had to bring all your little octopus friends to nail this twink? Sad.

Now, I am a scaley straight-up. The only limiting aspect to this, for me, is that most scalies seem to have gotten into it from like... Spyro the Dragon? And they're really cartoony. Doesn't hit. As a kid, I had books on ancient Egypt, and I was intrigued by Sobek. Also we had a caiman. And my mother would find people in the classified ads who were trying to sell giant snakes and pay for her kids to go pet (but not buy) the giant snakes so we wouldn't be afraid of snakes, like she was, so as a child I was just overwhelmingly exposed to giant (16'+) snakes. My mother would go dump us off at places where big snakes were so we could observe big snakes, like reptile shows and the reptile house at the zoo. The result of this was super funny but suffice to say I am not afraid of snakes. (Not into vore though! Does nothing for me! Responsible owners don't live-feed.) I want to be super clear: I do not want to fuck animals, never have, but I did want to nail Bleu in Breath of Fire more than you can possibly imagine. However, if I'm doing scaley stuff in particular, one simply has to admit that micro/macro is the baking soda in that quickbread. It's not the part that makes that fetish work, but it's certainly more likely to turn out the way you intended if you put a little bit of it in there. When I made Cardassians huge in my DS9 redesigns, however, that was mostly in service of it being funny since I was a major bottom-Garak advocate, the bigger they are the funnier that is. Also like, whiny old queen giant lizardman is just fun and has room to spitball where like, I don't know, a more straightforward big hot lizard man would utterly bore me. It can't all be baking soda.

#askbox

[idiealotdontworry]

not rly a new take, but i can't help but find the very concept of "twink death" to be absurd and... kind of cruel? from basically no matter what angle you come at it from.

obviously, there's the ageism and the fatphobia: how awful it is, apparently, to age past 22, or to gain weight. and god forbid both happen to you. age is certainly inevitable, and weight gain should not be something so reviled and feared, but here we are.

but there's also this odd glee others have in telling twinks when they've "expired", died - insisting that even if you fit every other criteria of what essentially amounts to the descriptor of a body type, if you're over the age which someone else considers viably twinkish, you're out. that supposed age at which twinks die has been debated to be anywhere from merely 22 to mid-30s (...which not-so-coincidentally lines up with the ages at which people tell women they expire and become undesirable, which is apparently the worst thing that can ever happen to anyone.)

and of course, there's people who inevitably respond that you should just be fine outgrowing your femininity, however slight or not. that the fate of all twinks, or any effeminate young gay man for that matter, is to inevitably give up the ghost. you should just redefine and re-categorize yourself with the same casual attitude expected of someone deciding what's for dinner. to stay true to one's own femininity as an older (or even just 30+) gay man is deemed anything from pitiable to disgusting.

it has me realizing how strange it is that "twink" as a descriptor is tied so heavily to age, when other body and role descriptors aren't, or at least not so concretely. there's stereotypes and expectations, certainly, but nothing so strict. it's made even stranger when you realize that no one actually has a good, kind, or even logical answer to the question, "If twink death is real, then at what age does a twink die, and what does the twink become after?" Surely, if twinks have a set expiration date, then the inevitable evolution thereafter should have a name beyond the derogatory?

i don't have any real conclusions to come to other than that society as a whole has, idk, some sort of issue with aging and fatphobia and prescriptive labeling? and that said issues are rampant even in the queer community? which are also not new takes, but if people are going to be putting genuine "twink death" discourse on my dash then i'm going to give my two cents.

here's an article on the subject that i found worth reading as some food for thought: https://www.dazeddigital.com/life-culture/article/55458/1/in-defence-of-ageing-twinks-james-greig

#queer #twink death #im not going to tag this beyond what is inherently relevant #personal #one day i should make a tag to distinguish between posts like this and genuinely personal ones #but that time is not now

[gutsfics]

pls google top and bottom and bdsm. many queers are into bdsm too (like me). things like you said tonight hurt and diminish us. i want to educate you so you know there are more than one meaning and i hope it isn't your wish to hurt us. i like your blog and i hope you would post this to educate. i don't want to unfollow but this is not the first time you did this and i am start to feel like you are not safe.

okay i have googled it (just so we're on the same page i haven't used google in about a year as i haven't found it trustworthy since people started being able to pay for their sites to show up in search results first. i use duckduckgo)

here's one article i found

and another

and here's two more that specifically mention BDSM

what this search has done for me has confirmed that the terms "top" and "bottom" originated in gay communities specifically in reference to whether one is penetrating or being penetrated during sex (and just to get it out of the way, yes i am aware that penetration doesn't always happen in sex), and adopted by other communities to mean other things

and like. yeah man. that happens with language. language is fluid, words change their meaning with time and location.

my problem, which i am fully aware i have never properly articulated and that is on me 100%, is the way these words have evolved to mean what they mean in different communities.

in both gay and straight communities, the act of penetration is seen as masculine and the act of being penetrated is seen as feminine. how often is it expected that the big burly bear masc tops the tiny flowy femme twink? and in straight communities, a man being pegged by a woman is seen as emasculating and shameful as being penetrated is seen as a woman's role. yes, times are changing and these views are being challenged, but these views have to exist first to be challenged. if they didn't exist, this would be a nonissue. topping and bottoming has essentially just become the gender binary 2 in vanilla communities.

so surely you can understand why i am made uncomfortable when a word that is used to mean penetration is also used to mean dominant and in control, and when a word used to mean being penetrated is used to mean submissive. you can penetrate while being submissive and you can be penetrated while being dominant.

besides, it's not like there aren't any other words to refer to who's in control and who isn't in BDSM spaces. that's what "dom" and "sub" refer to.

i am also aware that not all sex has dominant and submissive roles in it.

granted, while i myself am interested in BDSM, i haven't interacted with any BDSM community, irl or online, and i can understand how my own- rather limited- knowledge and experiences can lead me to saying something hurtful to someone. i am truly sorry for hurting you, anon. not every thought i post to this blog is given the same amount of consideration and thought as this post.

that being said, i would like to reiterate what i said last night about your final line, anon. do not hold yourself hostage in my inbox again. i will not respond to any further attempts to guilt trip me like this, from you or anyone else. if you want to unfollow me, you can unfollow me and i will not hold that against you. you have to curate your own experience to truly feel safe on the internet, i know this first hand.

[goreador]

VtM:WW(W) - The Introduction & Overview Pt. 1

my sweet darling player and wife, @/talypo, is allowed to read the overviews. but you dont you even LOOK at the other ones i will beat you to death with my hooves

(this post is an introduction to npcs, the coterie, and teddy the dog)

Vampire: the Masquerade - Womp Womp Womp is a sequel to Vampire: the Masquerade - Womp Womp, both titled after a worm meme. It’s set in 2019 NYC, with Camarilla focus, featuring an original cast of characters since I had set the game up before I touched any corebook outside of the V20 corebook.

VtM:WW had some stuffed changed after the fact due to timeline shenanigans, but these are the important parts:

The coterie consisted of three neonates that lived together in an apartment. They were not very important people.

Trevor Ygghain was a seventy-something year old neonate and Brujah. He was abandoned by his sire in his fledgling years and therefore forgot them.

Val Diaz was nineteen and only two years Embraced. Their sister, Merin Diaz, was their sire, and she was the childe of the former Prince, Diane Vaughan. They were a radio show host and a Toreador.

Humphrey Harvey Hampshire was a British man with abandonment issues and a snake named Crumpet. Despite fitting the bill for being a Malkavian or Nosferatu, he was Tremere.

The reigning Prince, Ambrose Ravenscroft, came into rule in the early 1900s due to Vaughan being found guilty of diablerie. Unknown to most, Ravenscroft was Embraced into the Sabbat and failed to fully integrate into the Pyramid, causing a large rift between him and the greater body of Clan Tremere.

His Seneschal, Larkin Fallow, was Tzimisce antitribu pretending to be Gangrel.

His Sheriff, Mona Iglesias, was an illegal Ventrue Embrace by one of the old Harpies. While she was set to be executed, Larkin convinced Ambrose otherwise and he spared her, taking her on as his one and only childe, for he was unable to Embrace.

The Keeper of Elysium, Camille Burke, was the only one unwilling to fully integrate into the Ambrose-serving Princedom he ran, still vouching for the integrity of the Camarilla and regularly communing with the Tremere, since relocated to Staten Island. Ambrose did not like this and sought to remove her.

The Tremere Primogen, Pierce Clements, did not like Ambrose, and so the two regularly avoided each other at best and actively fought one another at worse.

The Primogeniture, established before any Prince came to power, consisted of the following Clans:

Cicero Davis, the unofficial master of the domain, (i.e. person that controls a domain), of Clan Toreador, and he had fought a long cold war with Clan Malkavian for control of the city. He was only loosely associated with his Clan.

Ulysses Connell, the Malkavian Primogen who claimed to be the direct childe of Malkav. He also was very interested in theater, with little care for politics, thinking himself above them.

Angeline Dunn, the Ventrue Primogen who was utterly divorced from her Clan altogether and did nothing to help the Ventrue from being treated like a low Clan in the city.

And Ruby Cawley, the Nosferatu Primogen, who hated ugliness to such extremes that she was believed to be Toreador by some and was similarly divorced from the main body of her Clan.

The state of the Camarilla in the city was, essentially, a power-hungry twink, a fucking Tzimisce, four Primogen that didn’t give a flying fuck, an abused Sheriff, two Primogen that were Primogen in title alone and had no power, and the Keeper of Elysium that did more work running this city than everyone else. Also she’s in lesbians with the Sheriff but that’s more of a side note.

Larkin and Mona physically show up to the coterie’s haven one night and demand that the Prince meets them. Because they can’t really tell them otherwise, the coterie obliges, and Ambrose is also kind of drunk and otherwise fucked-up, and he tells them that he has a job for them. There’s a serial killer going around town committing very grisly murders that are also starting to breach the Masquerade, and he wants the coterie to fix it for him.

(Everyone, at this point in time, thinks Ambrose is a very charming guy. He also insists on being called Ambrose, not Prince Ravenscroft.)

So the coterie goes off sleuthing, and they discover that all of the people being killed are Connell’s students, so they go to question him. Anyway Connell sounds absolutely batshit at best, so 2/3rds of the party don’t know what he’s saying, and the other third is British and doesn’t get cultural references to things like NYC being the Big Apple.

They feel pretty strongly that Connell isn’t the one killing them, though.

They eventually make their way back to their haven and find a gift left for them. It is a severed head in a box with a note attached, reading “Give up the hunt. -- E.”

They do not give up the hunt. Eventually, they track down the perpetrator with a little help from the Prince, a Nosferatu named Edgar Lane. He is also Burke’s favorite childe.

During all of this, Ambrose has found out that Humphrey is Tremere, and he’s very interested in having a Tremere presence in his city due to past events that otherwise ostracized him from the Clan. Because of this, he spends most of his time on-screen hitting on him and trying to make Humphrey like him, and then he sets up a date for the two as of Monday at the Metropolitan Opera House.

In between sleuthing, the party also gets a message from Ambrose. He wants them to take a few packages from an associate’s house, but without alerting him of their presence, and without getting it traced back to him.

It’s too late when they get the message, so they stop at a convenience store. Since Val has Fame 3, the cashier, a young kid (barely college-aged) named Justin Rivers recognizes them from the radio. Because Val is a horrible human being, they flirt with him and give him their number. It’s not their number. It is Ambrose’s number. This won’t have consequences.

The coterie goes the next night, spending the early evening teasing Justin over the phone and blatantly breaching the Masquerade, telling him that vampires are real and it’s just like Twilight. They break into his associate’s house, steal the packages, and then run out the door as he starts shooting at them. They jump out a window to get away, and then it’s time to take the packages to Ambrose.

He meets them at a sleazy hotel. Val stays back at their haven, but Trevor and Humphrey go to meet the guy. Justin is there on the bed, covered in blood.

He talks to Humphrey politely and Trevor not as politely. Val is watching at home over a body cam that Humphrey has on his hoodie, but then the connection is suddenly shut off, as Ambrose has Machine Blitz. (No one has yet to figure out that Ambrose is Tremere at this time, and they assume Toreador.) The party starts to panic.

Trevor mentions something about the history of the city, something known as the Howe Act, and Ambrose icily tells him to leave. It’s been a year or two since we had this session, so I don’t remember the specifics, but Humphrey mentions something that pisses Ambrose off so badly that he immediately enters Frenzy, blasting Justin with a Cauldron of Blood that he only survives due to the vitae in his system, and then he feeds from him until he is dead.

Ever the opportunist, Ambrose commands Humphrey feed Justin his blood, and Justin is Embraced. While he feeds hungrily from Ambrose’s wrist, Ambrose uses his big scary Dominate rating to rewrite Humphrey’s memories of the event - he came to drop off the package, and Humphrey saw Justin there and asked to feed from him. Ambrose, a polite host, allowed him to, but Humphrey drank too much and drained him dry, frantically Embracing him to save him. This was an illegal Embrace, and Ambrose could - and should! - have him killed for such a thing, but Ambrose is a kind man, and he tells Humphrey he’ll sweep it under the rug.

Without paying Humphrey for the delivery, he sends Humphrey and Justin on their way, but not without reminding Humphrey of their date come Monday.

(Everyone hates Ambrose now by the way.)

At this point, the game sort of died off because we were all busy, and also the Backstreet Boys Reunion Tour. We decided we would reboot the game, which would push VtM:WW back about eighty years and VtM:WWW would take place in 2019 instead. The game was still canon to WWW (sort of), and this was how the rest of the game unfolded:

Burke was eventually found guilty of the murders and Masquerade breaches going on in the city, and a Blood Hunt was put on her head.

When Larkin tried to intervene, Ambrose Frenzied and killed the man on the spot.

The new Seneschal became the former Baron of the Bronx, a woman named Emilia Barberini, who was blasted with a combination of Dominate, Presence, and Path of Corruption into submission. (She didn’t last long.)

Clements took Burke under his wing to protect her from the Blood Hunt, as he was very sick of Ambrose’s shit. He also had a Blood Hunt placed on his head.

Ambrose, using Barberini’s forces, wrenched Brooklyn from the Anarchs under Camarilla control.

With most of the boroughs under his rule, Ambrose revealed his true plan - he had been Blood Bound to his former Archbishop, a woman named Antoinette Weston, who he had been faithfully serving this whole time as a double-agent, I guess.

He went to report his progress to her, and she told him she was very pleased with what he’d done. Then, just as Ambrose had done to his sire and countless others, she’d diablerized him, and the Sabbat had briefly taken over the city.

Justicar Iadanza got involved. Things were eventually straightened out over a period of time, and soon Weston was dead, Connell executed for helping Ambrose as a co-conspirator (Cawley and Dunn were killed over the course of the game), and Clements was granted the role of Prince. The city, still shaky in its foundation, was still alive, or as alive as it could be.

And that’s VtM:WW :) The next recap will cover the foundations of VtM:WWW, which is my current campaign.

#last time on womp womp #<- tag for recaps

[kidkintsugi]

another epic transmasculinity moment in combination with everything that went to shit recently.

tw for below cut: dysphoria, slight n/s/f/t topics

aye so this week was absolute bullcrap?

i started hating my flatmate with a burning passion. i tried to excuse his laziness multiple times but ive given up on him. hes just an ass and a useless one at that.

i usually dont talk about other people like this because it makes ME feel bad because im being "mean" or whatever but with him? holy COW hes crossed multiple lines. very little to no remorse on this one.

he does not clean his shit and makes me buy things that are shared, like soap for example. i bought a new container of soap once i noticed that were running low, not ONCE did he make the effort to get some soap himself. its like this with other things as well.

his only humour is making a fool out of me (which i can handle. its just annoying) or sexual shit (also mostly involving me) and since im running a 2 person household on my own essentially i had some type of meltdown/breakdown this last weekend. developed a nervous tic because of it too which gets worse the more tired/frustrated i am. i also seem to have some stomach problems whenever im out of it nowadays and its gotten to the point that people asked me if im hungry because its just. that loud. REALLY uncomfortable especially in class.

today he overslept, which happens multiple times, but today was also the first day he actually had some consequences due to it which i like! but THEN he has the audacity to ask if i "tried to wake him up" which, to me, implies that he thinks im obligated to. almost yelled at him right then and there i had to leave the fucking room.

its also kind of my fault i guess? i could just communicate my problems with him more openly, directly order him to clean/buy/whatever but then i remember.

this guy is as old as i am.

i am NOT his fucking dad or something he should be doing these things UNPROMPTED when living together with someone he barely knows!!

on another note, the guy that realized that im trans is spending more time with me recently and i genuinely enjoy spending time with him as well, hes one of the very few people that doesnt get on my nerves. he plays my favorite videogames with me which are my special interest :)

this comes with a problem however: were both mlm and openly mlm at that, so people began "shipping" us (eugh. hate to use this word in this context).

usually i would find it funny, he finds it funny too because we both know that its not gonna happen but this comes with a certain problem.

people begin putting you in boxes, whether conciously or unconciously. especially with gay relationships, a lot of people seem to be fascinated by the idea that same sex couples still somehow have to fit into heteronormative "standards" (stuff like "who wears the pants" "whos the woman" "who takes it up the ass")

obviously im in a bad position. next to my friend, i am smaller. have wider hips, the face of a twelve year old and when i get nervous my voice goes higher in pitch.

if we WERE in a relationship, i would be percieved as "the woman".

that is so, so painful. no matter how hard i try, unless i end up with a super feminine twink bf (lol purposefully exaggerated im sorry), im gonna be the more feminine one and that is extremely shitty when it comes to passing in public.

had it happen today: i go out to grab boba with my friend.

this might just be my paranoia, but i have a feeling that for mlm couples, due to the way that society is, we dont really look like couples to the average heterosexual because unless we were to make out right in front of them homosexuality just isnt a possibility that comes to mind.

so we go up to the counter to place our order and the guy asks if "my friend is paying for me". nothing unusual BUT my language uses the same word for friend platonic and boyfriend/girlfriend romantic in some cases, meaning that it was very, very ambiguous, but to us it sounded like he meant it romantically.

my friend of course just laughs it off and i would like to be able to laugh too, but the truth is that HE was the one referred to as my "boyfriend". what does that make me in the eyes of a heteronormative society? with wide hips, a high voice and a babyface?

exactly. the girlfriend. checkmate.

dysphoria has been bad in general this week and in combination with all the other shitty feelings i couldnt shower. lower body dysphoria reached its peak too.

people joke about me being the bottom, stereotypically the more feminine one in the relationship and its beginning to hurt because they dont even KNOW. i just kinda wish i could talk about it, say that it makes me uncomfortable but that would make me suspicious and everyone in my class is already suspicious enough.

theres nothing i can do. i will have to live like this forever probably. i think i need to readjust my personality again just so i dont come across as androgynous or whatever. i also really need to get rid of my customer service voice, as i like to call it.