#but i cant go all out all the time bc im so fuckin tired my brain is crawling on all fours

[soldier-poet-king]

I literally just do not understand how full grown ass adults go thru life like this. 0 self reflection. 0 concern about the impact of their behaviours on others. Continuing said behaviours even when they're pointed out as hurtful. Like????

#the duality of fran #idk its like the every few months i realize i sort of forgive my parents #bc things could be much worse #and they didnt MEAN to be hurtful. theyre just immature and selfish #they're not deliberately being like that #like their behaviour comes from a place of hurt and insecurity #and Yet its been pointed out SOOOO many times how bad it has affected me #and theyre always so guilt trippy woe is me when it's brought up #and maybe theyre trying. but honestly folks???? I DONT SEE ANY PROGRESS #like I cant cut them off i need somewhere to live + need somewhere to fall back on #once i move out. in case yknow. financial disaster (sh we are not thinking about my fears of financial instability that they left me with) #but like. ffs. ffs yall. I AM SO ANGRY #AND HURT #and im tired of being angry and hurt about stuff that isnt ever going to CHANGE #its a wound you know is there but it vant ever heal it just. prods and prods and prods #like the tldr of u can have a severely traumatizing shitty upbringing without ur parents being actually abusive #and it just adds this extra layer of guilt and complicated feelings on top of it all #like #please. just get a fuckin divorce. oh my god. also maybe dont have four kids while barely above the poverty line. #and then harp on your kids for every single perceived flaw or financial burden they incur. just. yknow. a thought

[n0ct0urn1quet]

@raiden-metal-gear-rising sorry this is a gaypos for u but it mite be more of just a rant because i am fuming (not rly i am just frustrated bc . u know why <3)

#im sur u read my previous posts abt uhhh my mom goign to visit my brother bc shes on vacation rn right . shes off til next sunday i think #but uh. yeah thats not happening bc guess what!! she cant afford it!!! because wow who wuldve thought that having to pay twice as much #money for bills + groceries would make u poorer than u already are!!!!! we are struggling!!!!!!! #and what has robynne done? nothing but PARTIALLY pay for grocieries. emphasis on *partially* #idk man its just insane. even if mom wasnt rly thinking about coming to see u we still cant bc we cannot afford it at all....... #i even said if i need to get a job i will and then added 'bceause im more willing to get one than she is' n she just looked at me #and idk man its just frustrraing . pls moeve out of ur place soon so i can leave and move in with u KAJSKLBKKLJG #i dont mean to say that to like rush u or anything u can do whatever u awant at Whatever pace u want i donot minde . it is oke #i just !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! h #i have a very strong feeling im gonna be moving out before she does............................ #just saying #sorey i kno this is supposed 2 be positive bc is gaypos but . i am not in a good mood i want 2 scream and throw things i think #i just want my house back!!!! im tired!!!!!! im so fucking tired man!!!!!! i m going insane!!!!!!!! #and now i just feel horrible bc rob knows i talk shit about her in vc and i just feel like i cannot talk out loud at all rn bc what if shes #fuckin eavesdropping!!! thats another thing did she just overhear me or like completely listen in on our conversation #bc if she listened in on us then thats fucked and i hope she fucks off #but if she just overheard us then idk man guess ill just have to close my door and keep it closed all the time which is something i donot #want to do !! #i dont like having my door closewd bc 1. it gets humid and 2. kitty does not like it and also 3. i just like having it open #but i feel like i cant have it open anymore bceause what if shes listening to just everything i say now!!!!!! i feel unsafe!!!!!! #get me out of here bestie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sory im just . H!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im going insane ill rb this with happier thoughts in a second i just #oh i am so mad . so mad

[creaturecravings]

Tbh ? I'm tired of having a fuckton of talent and no energy to do anything with it

#I'm taking a moment to not be humble bc damn i surprise myself w my abilities a LOT #but i cant go all out all the time bc im so fuckin tired my brain is crawling on all fours #i wanna make the art i know i can but its just too tiring #and its hard to appreciate my sketches and stuff when i see so much better stuff around and i KNOW i can do better #but also not everything has to be a whole thing #little messy arts are just as valuable #idk aaaaaa #vent #leaf speak

[quodekash]

I didnt get enough sleep last night but its not my fault qtoey fuckin kissed

hes literally the most babygirl in this entire show

HIM FRANTICALLY CLEANING UP I LOVE HIM SM

I love this more than I can ever possibly describe

it's so silly

so goofy

HES SO GOOFY

they should kiss again I think

babes your voice just got three octaves higher, do better at lying next time

who the FUCK is this guy and why is he being introduced in episode 7 of 16 (apparently 16??? it's wild that this show is supposed to be 16 episodes long (according to mdl?) cos we're not even halfway through the show and 2 out of 4 of the main couples have officially kissed, and 1 is officially together. which is insane when you think about how msp is 12 episodes long and tinngun didnt properly kiss til thE END OF THE LAST FUCKING EPISODE)

(no im never getting over this, they COULD have counted 67 FUCKING TIMES throughout the show and they fucking DIDNT)

anyway this guy is probably gonna be a main part of the drama that's gonna go down in order to keep this show long enough 😭

why cant we just keep the light and fluffy show as it is and keep spreading joy and dopamine straight to my bones

two adorable little munchkins standing next to each other

theyre my sons

THAT LITTLE GIGGLE I CANT

whAT rEAlLY???

he asked if he could hit on you, then asked if he could KISS you, AND THEN YALL FUCKIN MADE OUT IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

AND THEN WHEN YOU SAW HIM TODAY, HE MADE SILLY KISSY LIPS AT YOU

so I suggest you all give up on this "plan", and change to this real plan: march up to him, ask him out, plant a kiss on his cheek, take your fuckin artist easels and canvases to a fuckin beach at sunset, paint and make out

oml pun's an astrology girlie

HOLY FUCK ITS HAPPENING

what the fuck no why does it look like its gonna get angsty, I cant do this :(

dont make me watch toey sob, I dont want that, I want them to make out again :((

im so confused dude why is he so angry

I genuinely dont get it

I mean im watching at 2x speed so I can get through this quickly so I might've missed some dialogue somewhere or smth, but still

why's he angry

idk why he's angry but I do know one thing: satang is too fucking good at portraying anguish

im too tired to process words so im not entirely sure what he means but I think it sounds poetic so we're gonna go with that

(ahem) THATS SO BEAUTIFUL WTF

WHAT THE FUCK

brb just gonna rip my fucking SOUL out

"its like im sitting in a vast grassy field with a gentle breeze under a bright sky" OKAY WTF ARE THE GMM WRITERS READING MY TUMBLR POSTS OR SMTH

THATS LITERALLY HOW I DESCRIBED THE WAY WIN PROBABLY FEELS ABOUT SOUND

its why his heart doesnt beat fast for sound, he just doesnt have that kind of crush, its more of a relaxing crush, like a gentle breeze

ill fucking find the post if I can

I literally wrote an extended metaphor poem combined with a fic about it

what the fuck dude

if they're watching my posts then why havent they given us my satang and perth siblings agenda yet

and where is the markford series

gmm I know you're looking at this, answer my fucking questions guys

I LOVE THEIR FRIEND GROUP SO FUCKING MUCH DUDE

they all just make me so happy 😭😭😭

okay but he didnt know you were milk frappe boy when hE FUCKING MADE OUT WITH YOU IN A HAUNTED HOUSE

theyre holdin hansssss

is what I think and want to happen about to happen

that wasnt grammar but its fine

THEYF CYKING END IT THERE??

BUT HES ALL PUCKERED UP

HES READY

ALSO THEYRE IN A SCHOOL HALLWAY AND IT WOULD BE REALLY FUNNY

WTF

I HAVE TO WAIT A FUCKING WEEK TO FEEL JOY????

COME ON MAN

oh fuck yes next week theyre goi g to a volunteer camp

volunteer camp episodes are always comfort episodes so thjis is gonna be GOOD

PUN DID IT BC HE WANTS QTOEY TO SPEND TIME TOGETHER??? BRO HE'STHE WINGMAN OF ALL TIME

well anyway I just wanna see qtoey kiss again :(

ill rewatch that one scene in the meantime

buhbye for now my friends, see yous next week

#quodekash's side couple syndrome boss fight #we are the series #winnysatang #qtoey #I would tag the other ships but I like didnt talk about any of them at all in this post #winny thanawin #satang kittiphop #pond naravit #poon mitpakdee #we are series

[mugzymiik]

my tpc headcanons bc why not :D

SOME CHARS I DONT HAVE TOO MANY FOR (IF I HAVE ANY FOR THEM AT ALL) :sob::sob::sob:

[last updated: may 14, 2024]

main chars:

caretakers:

Cube:

trans FtM

he and Lythorus have absolutely been down bad for each other in the past but they never brought it up at all (until really recently now they kis!!!! they kiss!!!!! they kissy k)

REALLY likes cats

has a pretty good tolerance to the cold. all cubes do (in my headcanons anyway) but his is especially great

used to have really bad control over his strength (he and Lythorus HAVE had a pillow fight in the way past and Lyth got smacked into the wall on complete accident)

back when he and Lythorus started dating he tried to rest his head on top of Lythorus's as a way of affection and he proceeded to get stabbed by the spike

Iris:

has a really deep voice. but at the same time he somehow also sounds like a really tired teenager who works retail

Pentellow:

has a british accent

also knows a frightening amount of very unsettling fun facts

shes the tallest out of the non-monster caretakers (so herself, Iris and Cube). why? fuck you. fuck you is why /HEVJ/VSILLY

Pyrare:

he "talks with his hands" >:] i stole this hc from a friend btw/hj/lhj (hi Tea /silly)

he and Ketches are close friends i also stole this hc :3

heroes:

Cyan:

likes to follow people around!!! and also doesnt like being left alone for long periods of time

Orange:

eepy lil guy :D

Tsavorite and him are each other's impulse control. ofc its mostly Orange whos keeping Tsavorite from walking straight into a landmine (/j ofc) but they keep each other out of trouble (most of the time at least)

if bored enough but not eepy enough to take a nap or smth he CAN AND WILL end up somewhere thatll have everyone wondering "HOW DID HE GET THERE-"

Tsavorite:

genderfluid and uses any pronouns. :3c he? yes! they? yes! she? yes! literally any neopronoun(s)? HELL YEAH!!!

also has a british accent

constantly compares Orange to an actual orange (teasingly ofc)

very alert, but "backwards". like. he'll be able to notice a cool beetle from 5 feet away but wouldnt be able to tell you where Orange headed off to despite being right next to him just a few seconds ago

shows affection thru hugs and pokes. basically just. physical touch

adding onto the last one!!! if he cant be physically affectionate they will just give random ass gifts :D

knows a lot abt physical weapons to the point where its honestly a littol unnerving because hOW DOES HE KNOW ABT ALL THIS-

the shortest out of all the Heroes once theyre all matured. and theyre so pissed abt it to this day /silly

actually really likes horror elements in media

can hold intense eye contact for extended periods of time without blinking (and has intimidated multiple people with it on complete accident)

can and will fistfight someone over chicken nuggets btw

HATES the snow. and all the other Heroes tease them (/aff) abt it ever since they all found out bc "we thought you loved EVERYTHING"

owns a shitton of pins i dont take criticism on this one sorry /vlh

does NOT care for formalities. like. at all. like say if he met a "King Guy" he wouldnt say "King Guy" hed just say "Guy"

Gold:

knows Spanish and PSL (Paradisian Sign Language). this is a hill i will die on/j

has bit Tsavorite multiple times for holding him BUT Tsav didnt really care so he eventually just got used to it and now theyre besties :)

tall. tall fuck. everyones confused asf bc hes not physically related to Pyrare so he couldnt get those kinda """genes""" but hes still REALLY fuckin tall (when matured ofc)

does NOT like water AT ALL (self-projection beam GO/j)

VERY SNAKE-LIKE!!! he can hiss. he has fangs. and hes more sensitive to chilly weather and the cold than most other shapes

despite his sensitivity to cold weather he does love snow

whenever hes nervous and/or anxious he just starts singing random songs but in a purposely bad way (haha what do uou Mean im self projecting um)

↓

Cyanide:

has multiple songs pirated on herself. i do not take criticism/j

tall for an unmatured hero :3c

gets attached to people very very easily, but mostly people who show her even just an ounce of kindness :(

whenever she's trying to "hide something", she uses very detailed language,,for example, if she did something like sneaking out or smth she'd say "greetings" instead of just "hi" or "hello"

"lags" more whenever its hot out

being ANYWHERE around her at ANY point in time is a BIG fuckin risk because she can play Never Gonna Give You Up/Whistle/that stickbug gif on herself on command /SILLY

groups:

chipzel:

Purpex:

i dont have any for her as of rn D:

Marcle:

really likes chicken nuggets. its really random but she LOVES chicken nuggets

Squadril:

is CONSTANTLY called short by Purpex and Marcle + everybody in all the other groups (teasingly ofc)

bossfight:

Cintagon:

Round <3

is absolutely dating Circumsphere

bisexual and also polyamorous :D if he was given the choice between getting his dead wife back or staying with Circumsphere he would choose both with ZERO hesitation

Circumsphere:

i dont have any rn :[

danimal cannon:

Quintagon:

very strong for a pentagon (once when she n Hexagram were younger she hit him and he had a big ass bruise for a few days)

Hexagram:

has a very bad obsession with vikings, which is why his corrupt form has a "viking"-ish look

Polyhedron:

i got none rn :<

big giant circles:

Circumuscle:

doesnt swear very often so when he does its a shock to everyone/lhj

a big softie! to those he deeply cares abt tho

he has to be gentle whenever he hugs someone bc hes gonna break someones back someday if he isnt/lhj

Rincle:

IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF CIRCUMUSCLE SWEARING-WISE if she is given a single chance to say Fuck she WILL absolutely take it with zero hesitation at all/lhj

Spheer:

they and Circumuscle have an "older brother + younger sibling" dynamic

has a british accent as well

Cirtunda:

i dont got any for her either D:

other:

Lythorus:

very distractible

also said in Cube's section; he and Cube were absolutely down bad for each other in the past but never actually acknowledged it (untill recently now they smooch)

aquatic flower (explained further in the world-wise "shape related" section)

has a VERY bad fear of insects

hes 6ft. and he and Cube have a running joke with this using his name as a measurement. something's exactly 12ft tall? its 2 Lythoruses tall actually/j/lhj

Heli:

nonbinary!!! and uses he/she/they pronouns :D

he and Ketches r like,,partners. take that in any way possible

has the ability to form a body beneath her, buuuut she prefers to fly

a sweetheart through and through. but when/if they do decide to get silly and start teasing people sometimes he accidentally takes it way too far

Ketches:

absolutely has a "pirate" accent r u kidding me/lhj

also has the ability to form a body like Heli

is an uncle figure to Gold

can honk. not like a duck i mean like a boat. "WOOAOAOAOAORRRR" <- that kinda honk

corrupts:

Dub:

he can purr. i dont take criticism sorry/hj/lhj

he and Barracuda were gay as FUCK i will DIE on this hill istg/lhj

took guitar classes before he and Cuda went pinksauced

left a seat in the tower's "main room" just in memory of Barracuda. little does he actually know--/lhj

Barracuda:

is actually a ghost rn!! after Dub escaped from the seal he just roams around the tower and also occasionally chills next to Dub (even if Dub cant see him at all + has no idea he's even there)

Cubic:

bitch

he and Lycanthropy have BEEF for some godforesaken reason

Cube HAS tried to stick up to him once in the dreamscape(??? is that whats its called???) but Cubic IMMEDIATELY shot him down using a threat against Cyan

Ajaceare:

idk rn D:

George:

his spikes are different from other flowers'; most flower's spikes are pretty sharp, but his never sharpened from childhood, and thus are a little "dull-ended"

Hexacrigon:

idk for her either rn

Cintagram:

manipulative as FUCK. the only person he hasnt ever lied to is Circumcannon

speaking of which. he and Circumcannon still kiss/lhj

Circumcannon:

no ideas,,again😭😭😭

Hexadic:

same as all the others

Lycanthropy:

the only thing keeping he and Cubic from fistfighting each other every time they see each other is that they both know that 1) Dub WILL somehow find out and WILL get their asses and 2) Cubic is strong enough to actually kill Lycanthropy if they fight too hard. and Cubic doesnt wanna fling himself into boiling hot water (not literally ofc) + Lycanthropy doesnt wanna die to THIS bitch's hand

a lot of the other corrupted flowers see him as a "general"/"commander" due to Lythorus being leader of the (uncorrupted at least) flowers

should NOT be trusted with any kind of powertools ever

he can go fuckin insane on the drums

Circubit:

pretty close friends with Macabre

would absolutely dj in his spare time

world-wise hcs:

shape related:

spheres are the speediest out of all the shapes

cubes have a natural resistance to the cold

some flowers have the ability to live entirely underwater, its kinda like a "subtype" for them; theyre often referred to as "aquatic flowers"

flowers have fangs :3c chompers even!!!

spheres are the most likely out of any other shape "species" to be able to grow hair

flowers are naturally tall as shit!!!

flowers' spikes arent as "sharp" when theyre young- they "sharpen up" quite a bit as they get older, though

adding onto the last one, aquatic flowers' spikes are a little more on the duller side

other/unrelated to anything else:

some shapes dont have a "combat ability"

all of the group members of a certain area have meetups sometimes, and occasionally ALL of the groups meet up as a whole (pretty rare considering the size of Paradise, but it still happens at times!)

all the heroes have an odd obsession with going in and out of windows instead of doors. there could be an open door right next to a window and any one of them would still open the window and go right out of it

#the pink corruption #pink corruption #tpc #im leaving the ones i dont have any for “blank” for rn #sorry D: #THE “LYTHORUS MEASUREMENT” ONE IS ACTUALLY AN INSIDE JOKE but its ok its still funny anyway #im surprised i dont have that many for Dub tbh #ive also just come to the realization that i have a lotta flower hcs in the “shape related” world-wise section #its kinda like im inspecting them under a microscope or something/J

[shameboree]

i am actually going to whine about this publicly

my recent Poisoning Adventure was bc my psych NP (baseline can't be trusted) overdosed me on a new med I never shouldve been on and it caused pretty severe acute extrapyramidal effects (hella muscle spasms, uncontrollable jerking/movements, felt like i was in a fuckin dbz gravity chamber) and METABOLIC ENCEPHALOPATHY!! i couldnt control my body and even tho i knew who i was when it was where i was and why i was there i was also on a completely different realm of existence and it was like, Terrifying Actually!! so even tho im off that med and antidoted and not at risk anymore every time i have any kind of nerve tingling anywhere i start Freaking The Fuck Out. this shit was FOR REAL worse and more harrowing than literally any part of having cancer including the parts where i almost died. was more frightening than having meningitis bc at least i wasnt totally fuckin zooted outta my mind!! ur bitch needs Therapy. wowie!!

anyway ive been struggling w orthostatic hypotension for a hot minute (largely dehydration imo) so i got that rush u get when ur bp tanks and just started cryin like a little bitch babby on account of the Fears. Despite being super tired I am afraid to sleep bc the first bout of extrapyramidal symptoms woke my ass from DEAD SLUMBER

I used to love NPs but nowadays NP schools are clownhouse jokester diploma mills and due to scope creep ushered forth by the capitalist disneyfication of healthcare theyre allowed to practice WAY THE FUCK completely outta bounds. it isnt safe!! chikadee was makin nonstop bonkers med choices for me including putting me on the vers of a medication not even meant to to treat what we were trying to treat and also the correct version had limited success in.. the pediatric population?? babe what?? had to get my pcp involved on that one.

i had issues w nps before on account of all the probs w education and safety (theyre not even required to have 5 minutes of bedside experience outside of clinicals which ultimately are glorified techwork and useless in terms of Actual Nursing Practice (i do think having clinical experience IS Essential and beneficial tho)) but this trash ass dumbshit idiot gave me FRESH TRAUMAS i did NOT need so i have gone from a nonenthusiast to a full on hater. listen we did not go to med school we went to nursing school we should stay in our fucking lane. christ alive!!!!!

i cant fuckin believe this single experience was more traumatizing than actual months of chemotherapy

ALSO I GOT DENIED MEDICAL LEAVE?? WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THAT!!!!!!

#kels talks #miserable medical stuff BEWARE #wah i had a scawy expewience #oh i am also afraid of taking my regular meds now so started taking reduced doses without dr guidance which i know is bad u_u #i see an Actual Doctor in <2wks itll be fine but taking a pill shouldnt give me this much anxiety tch

[prestonmonterey]

TLT UPDATE!! BEFORE I GO TO BED

(gods im so tired...)

@vincentaureliuslin @tatsumisheep3

no photos today so heres my cat :P

OPENING NIGHT!!! it went super well!!!!! (i think)

it was PA night so the understudys were percy and annabeth and they killed it!!!!!! :DDDD

also my director gave me a compliment today so im in a good mood (it was somethin along the lines of "you finally did a good job as cerberus" but ill take what i can get...) (i still have beef with him but.. whatever....)

its crazy how fast this show is going and that itll all be over after sunday,, but also i am SO tired bc we literally spend more time at school than at home this week :(

also getting a lotta acne bc im not used to wearing this much make up every day :P

but hey at least ill get to rest a teeny bit on the weekend (just in the morning TwT bc we have matinees)

also my parents and some of my friends are comin tomorrow so they BETTER FUCKIN BUY ME CANDY (i really really really want candygrams... one of the stage managers got like 4 boxes of candy i am so jealous...)

also also also we did the legacy robe last night before preview night and my friend (and mother /ij) got it :DDDD very happy for her

um um um i felt like i had more to say but idk this is already a lot and i cant remember things im kinda tired :P

oh i finally got my camper necklace!!! the beads were missing for like a week but they were just on the table in the costuming room... anyway my friend made it for me during tech class bc shes so so sooo sweet <3 (while i was in math trying to force my friend to study... *stares at neeks* /aff) i got four beads that kinda almost make the ace flag!! (black for tech, silver for the fall play, light blue for this show, and purple for my grade)

idk if i explained it before but all of our necklaces represent how much theater we've done,,, bc its kinda like how long we've been at camp. theres a bead for each grade based on our class colors, and the tlt bead, so everyone gets at least 2. theres also beads for each of the past musicals and plays at school, and a black bead if youve done tech, and a white bead if youve done leadership :D some of the seniors have like most of their necklace filled because of how many shows theyve done

heres another cat pic to keep you engaged and reading this /hj

also also also many many thanks to my wonderful actor and tech friends i would not survive without them (especially thanks to tech bc they have to put up with us actors... /hj) its poseidon's actors first show i think and they have a LOT of quick changes so their section of the rack is,,, kind of a mess. also the lamp for the oracle scene has broken multiple times i think already... and i already left my make up bag out yesterday and my watch in the cubbies today TwT we are a hot mess

my graphic design teacher was acting today :D (the farmer in drive is a teacher role, and they switch out every night) and i love him being so absolutely perplexed by the energy circle before show :333

also i remembered to put setting powder on for the first time,,, and... i forgot that my mom is SO much paler than me TwT (i was very washed out...) so ill probably stick to spray for the rest of the week :P

sorry i really am rambling tonight...

ok i will probably hopefully do at least one more update after strike on sunday!! (depending on how tired i am,, i might just curl up on the floor and sleep after the sunday show actually...) unless something goes horribly wrong,,, then ill probably post about it too

good night!! i need to collapse in bed and try to save up enough energy for tomorrows show :3

have a wonderful day/night and remember to hydrate! (or you'll die straight...)

#marble musings #tlt update

[ajdrawshq]

ok im tired as hell and its too gotdamn warm for me to actually sleep so im gonna list off some of my omori thoughts til i pass out

i got the good ending bc i was following a guide bc i Cannot stand full screan surprises n the guide was good but the one (1) thing it doesnt remind u to do daily is water Basils plants. so. im doing all of that again now

i love the fucking characters in the game theyre all so neat n alive. i keep wanting to say im attached to someone specific but im having a hard time picking favorites theyre all so Good

theres a lot like a Lot of instances where Kel is hinted at being the lesser sibling and just the least important out of his friend group and its only really stated in an obvious kinda way once n like. he seems totally fine most of the time and he doesnt seem down often or for long at all in unrelated moments but for these he doesnt seem to even acknowledge it. and of course the others dont seem to think of him as less important which is Good but does he like. have a problem with this. i wanna say hes hiding it but i dont Know bc hes fucking good at it. i might make a whole post on this later actually

seeing Hero cry hurt more than i thought it would and seeing him jump right back to smiling seconds later every time made it Worse. its the older sibling thing

one detail i really like is that while some of the scenes are meant to be funny to the audience, Hero's fear of spiders isnt usually made fun of (the only time i can remember is when Mari apparently snuck bugs into his desk to see his reaction lmao). otherwise hes taken seriously and the others try to push him to overcome it someday, not Now but its something he should work on himself. and the bit w Kel removing a spider from their room, all while saying what hes doing exactly and reassuring Hero that the spider was gone, was a sweet thing to see compared to all the other media where siblings would throw it at the other or something yknow its just nice

Aubrey Good. thats the post

Basil

i dont even know where to fuckin begin with Basil (affectionate) this kid has Problems

seriously theres so much shit going on w these kids thats left unsaid but is worked into the environments or even just what they Dont say its genuinely incredible. beautiful characterization and worldbuilding

the real world sections of omori feel less like im playing as Sunny and more like im guiding this child in a gentle but assertive manner to Do Shit. like ok kiddo brush ur teeth and then we're gonna go outside today. yes its good for u trust me ive been there anyway ur buddy is at the door, go have fun!! oh btw i found some parents who will literally pay u to help their kids with homework. yes ur doing that. its free money dude cmon

cant believe omori lets me live my true dream job (organizing things in short bursts for money)

on that note the music that plays for the tool organizing and the flyswatting jobs might be my favorite track in the game and i have no idea why. its like the audio equivalent of the word blorbo

i wish there was a fucking therapist in this town bc god knows id drag em all there

my brother came in during one of the endgame parts n thought Sunny was a girl when Basil was teasing him abt his crush on Aubrey n went "aw yeah you cant escape the gay even here" (not in a derogatory way) n it took me so off guard i forgot to correct him. hes right tho actually

"when the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie thats omori" is the funniest joke that couldve ever come out of this game i want to personally thank whoever did that

showing all the different ways the kids reacted to grief and trauma and acknowledging that some were more harmful to themself or others and thats just how people work sometimes n they all make amends n agree to support each other in the end and begin to heal despite it all. h

also the moment that i realized the dream world was in fact a dream world made by Sunny and. everything it represents. his desires. his fears. dude

#i see a lot of myself in Sunny so all the messages abt facing stuff to heal and ackowledging change n stuff . MAN #the only bit that kinda went over my head was when everyone in the dream world was forgetting abt Basil #im. not entirely sure of the reason for that. im sure there is one but it missed me by a hair #im also aware the other route reveals a lot of stuff that im prolly missing but. i. do i have the courage for that. do i really wanna do it #ok ive been typing this stuff for two hours n its still warm as Fuck but im so so tired. gnight yall 💙💙 #omori tag

[rottingsparrow]

Part 6! Of rereading Lore Olympus. Ep 51-60

On these next few parts i really just kept ranting oops. Also I just keep getting busier and forgetting to read more, but I haven't caught up with what I've read yet and that's the only thing keeping me going. Does anyone read these? Last part:

Ep 51

“What about my brother” artemis please its kinda clear at this point

So did hermes question anything or

“ i have no right to be jealous” yeah also theyre just friends dude

“Oh but hermes liked persephone” no hes a gay man argue with the wall(/j)

Why they got eels

I love how tall and slender hecate is seeing as like eventually everyone dissolves into one shape

Yes im over exaggerating what about it

Who are the fire people i love them

Bro imagine dying and like “finally free from this hell where i have to work all the time” only to be put to work when you die

“Everyone should get a fair trial with the king of the underworld” i agree but wouldnt that take forever too like there are so many deaths all the time

I literally get so tired of hades in this episode mfer has such a lack of control in his emotions

like . are you physically unable to have a conversation with her without losing it so you gotta ice her out??

“I cant accept gifts from employees” i mean yeah if they are trying to bribe you its just fuckin food man

Also this part minthe keep it in ur pants ur at work

Ep 52

Wow all women hate persephone bc shes so gorgeous so they treat her bad and like make out with her crush

My point got lost there but you get what i mean like women cant just exist they either are used to compare persephone and show how good she is or uplift her

Im not saying you cant have mean women please do but the way it all comes together just. :/

Persephone is like trying to hard to be nice and friendly and hades just kinda sits there like an idiot smh

Hermes my beloved

I want bakalava now

How would she have a driver's license demeter kept her in the mortal realm you think she would let her get that

Why do they want a car thanatos you have wings my guy

I mean. Did you die hades?

Also smth to ask before hand lmao thats on you

Hecate, agent of chaos, my wife, my everything, my-

Ep 53

I know hecate has reasons to do things but i like to believe she doesnt and she does what she wants

Theres no way minthe sounds happy on the phone when she knows its just hecate

Nah nvm shes probably scared of her

How. how does anything get done at this place

Hades can you. Can you treat her like a friend or even a worker instead of a crush its not that hard youre a big guy

I love the eels

The moment when the artstyle changes randomly and you have to get adjusted to a new one

Hecate is now a different shade of blue what

Fuck you hades putting all your emotions on a 19 y/o

Unfortunately he does treat her like any other of his employees hes just. A shitty boss

“Oh no she thinks im mad at her” yeah dude ur acting like a dick

Sorry this just pisses me off

“Shes like me” she just like me fr

Why is the building confusing what do they gain from that

Its actually so rachel doesnt have to remember the layout

Ep 54

“Is she angry” no shes tired wtf do you think

I know rachel tried so hard on the “please dont grab me” panel girl was sweating

Personally id just leave if i was the reporter but ig he needs smth

Asking for a statement isnt the bad thing its the grabbing and like pressuring yknow

Do they have close ties

I know its supposed to be casual but i wouldnt hold my mothers friend/ business partner. Whatever their lie was, like that

Idk how i would actually im going to be thinking of that

I do like how she has a trigger but im gonna be real i dont think its ever brought up again

Sure you could say she is just good at avoiding it but idk

“I dont always get to do what i want” you literally do unless it doesnt help the story

Rereading has made me see how many things are in place for the story that disappear when not needed

“Man im a lousy tour guide” and a lousy boss :D

I do just want to make sure you guys know how much i hate hades as a boss

Ep 55

Its a lobby. Thats funny ill laugh at that

“That not exactly what we do here” what do you do

I havent read greek mythology in so long

“They may become hysterical” please explain psyche i saw i reply talking about how we didnt see her reactions to phone

They were so right that mustve been fucking bonkers

How do they ease them into it? Do they go through all the years of technological advancements just quickly??

Who is hecate talking to

Let her get the jacket make hades pay the designer to make another one

Also only 3? Like 20 id get but 3? Nah

“Why is she employed here?” you were there yesterday minthe remember she got an introduction

I think hades needs an HR department yknow what

“ a coveted position” PLEASE JUST EXPLAIN THE JOBS AND THE WORK LADDER

I agree with hecate except no one treats it like a work place

Not even you really lmao

If they are scared of her why would they go bitch to her esp if they know she doesnt care

Small medium cause shes so petite but she has curves bc shes gorgeous and-

Rachel smythe sniped me :/

How did she put that on

Ep 56

Whose the green person in the back poseidon idk

Also glasses again :)

“Stop staring at me with them big ol eyes”

Yes i already made the joke its funny tho

meg/persophone is my otp /j

Seriously its already more healthy than hades gotta be honest

So nice of her to let her borrow it how is she gonna return it. They talked more im sure but its funny to think that she actually doesnt know who meg is

Why does his hair get longer in the mortal realm get up

Omg does he have extensions that would be so funny

“I have to have control” yeah you do its gross

I love persephone fury look tho

Wait why did her hair grow

I get like thats the style in that time or whatever but

“I for one find you terrifying” is such a cute line not gonna lie

Persephone why do you look like youre trying to kiss him

“How can she be doing better than me” because zeus is married

I feel like thats obvious

Blue nymph obviously evil she has to be shes a woman and-

But also i forgot her name. Tha. no uh

Its thetis :)

Ep 57

“My visions arent always correct. But they are most of the time” is such a sloppy line

Omg i forgot that hera was the reporter

Also idk how her visions work but couldnt it have been literally anyone? How does she think shell narrow it down

Persephone you are wearing a skirt thing be careful

Also. dont push off people chest just generally

Her hair got much longer but i can excuse this one bc shes using her powers and they tend to coincide

“I gotta inspect that volcano” yep. Sure is a volcano

“But once they die theyre all in service to the underworld for the rest of the eternity” is there a way to die after death bc that sounds awful

Ok but why do they have to wait how does that earn you money

Like no i get the like immediate ride for a obol or whatever but why 100 years. You lose out on so many laborers for a while that way

I love Styx hand in marriage

Haha why is she bald in the last panel

Ep 58

“Reminds me of a younger me” is supposed be like a red flag but was zeus not chill during his formative years

Why does he get so mad a her vision genuinely

Also like why he get mad about her guessing apollo

I know i know “reputation ruined and so is ours” people change yknow also i do second guess your ability to choose olympians

Spit on him queen

This is one of the spots where i feel like rachel was just pushing to make zeus a bad guy. Not like a dick but actually antagonistic qualities

“I prefer the financial benefits of ongoing unpaid labor” haha so funny /s go fuck yourself

Yeah theyre dead and have nothing else to do but damn

“Why would my mom hide it from me” i mean. Thats fair but youre the one that calls her like hovering so i doubt she wants people trying to sex you

I mean fertility doesnt have to mean sex its more than that also one second

Nvm i googled it i was gonna say hestia was a goddess of fertility but shes the goddess of home a stuff my bad

Arnold reaction meme

Oh why is it dangerous

No i know why lmao

Persephones jaw goes from ) to ] in a matter of seconds

“Just stay away from tower 4 until we get to the” THE WHAT??? THE WHAT

Thats not a joke the sentence ends there

“OH you said yes!’ to you helping her like friends do

Ok but how will he know its her

Ep 59

Yes persephone you communicate clearly!! Be healthy!!

I love the flower nymphs personally i know everyone says we dont see persephone be close with them but its the little things i think

“I literally have no idea why you want to be here” me either hades

Haha flower nymphs are dumb! Village people! Haha racism

No i know thats not what shes saying but the racism of nymphs is overlooked

Me, everytime she was handed something pomegranates: :OOOO ITS THE!! ITS THE THING

No minthe has a right to be upset id be pissed if id have to change someones entire schedule

Not the snapchat filter

Why is his name big spenda thats so funny

Ep 60

As someone who has been jealous before i have to say this isnt healthy

Like duh but so intense for someone you barely know

Hades, watching her in silence: wtf is happening

Im glad she realizes its unhealthy

Ok i know i said they dont ever bring up the “any time any place” question but they do here which reminds me that that deal should no longer exist now that hes her boss

I dont think hooking up is bad esp when they werent in a relationship tbh

Like now she is in a relationship so yeah its bad

I love snarky chat that is the most real thing in this comic

“ we need to do smth about persephone” or yall could do your jobs. Kooky idea i know

She is still flirting with thanatos which is bad

Yknow assuming the boundaries her and hades set was monogamy and no flirting

And yeah hes flirting too thats also bad

#anti lore olympus #lore olympus #my opinion #lo critical #lore olympus critical #random thoughts

[lettersformiah]

9:19am, 8 aug

hi bubsy <3 i love you so much im in english right now and it so fucking boring. like we are just filling in the table of language features n shit and i do not care at all. mrs wilson didnt call my name on the roll so i hope she at least marked me present. but i hate her and i hate this class. thankfully only like 2 more terms of it to go ^-^ omgosh i just thought of it! today si the day you get your flowers >:] which means i cant upload this letter until after you get them and text me about them so i dont spoil the surprise! but yeah hehehe >:D i got some flowers sent to u bc obvs i cant cant get you any and i think you deserve some <3 im so sorry we havent been spending that much time together, its so fucking hard online bc i am so tired after work and dance and even just plain school and then when you are busy we cant call until late and by then im already so sleepy. i am very very sorry its so fucking hard recently but i still enjoy just sitting with you when i can. youre very very very lovely and i hope the flowers make u happy <3 mwahmwhawmahwmhamh other than that! i have a headache! but i get to hang out with kealan for a bit after school and chat so that will be nice bc i havent talked to him for like a few weeks? like properly talked ig? yesterday was mainly maya and leo chatting so i havent really hear about his life in a hot minute. thatll be fun. unless its raining then it absolutely wont be. oh! my dad is sick :( was a bit ill yesterday but this morning was even worse and didnt go to work. poor fella. i hope he feels better soon but at the very least i hope he doesnt give it to me bc as much as i hate it i do actually want to make it to gisborne this weekend. omg! my bday is saturday. so fucking weird. im gonna be old :D and our 6 month is tomorrow!! so the flowers are also for that, even though that wasnt at all what my intention for them was. they are bday flowers, anniversary flowers, and simply flowers because i love you. :D ! hehehe i love you soso smuch babba. i still have half an hour of this fuckin class left and my head achy and shit :( but ignoring that, the rest of my day will be all good and im excited to judt get home and eat bro. like i want a munch on the risotto and my chocolate and i want to talk to you. and then i have to deal with dance which will suck but this week i gotta actually go both days and im gonna try my best to enjoy it and be okay :D okok im gonna text u and tell u i wrote a letter so that u can remind me to post it after school. i love you!

i lub u so much and ur so so pretty and i cant wait to be able to give u a lil kiss on the cheek while ur sleepin cause ur sosos cute hehehhe >:D okok talk soon talk soon please wake up soon its unbearable without u <3 mwahwmahmwahmwah

-mads<3

#letters

[noctomania]

im so fucking scared. i'm pretty certain im going to need a microdisctectomy and it's a terrifying concept to me to have my fuckin back cut into. i'm also terrorized bc the chiro i was going to told me to go to a neurosurgeon instead of an orthopedic but it could take months to go to the neuro that he recommended. at that rate i might as well eat up the rest of my disability to just let it heal on its own. Imagine i booked with him just to be fine by the time the surgery comes up?

but the surgeon im talking to on wed doesn't have perfect ratings. but it seems like they have good enough? but idk it's so hard for me to trust anyone or anything anymore. just thinking about this shit makes me cry.

I want my life back. I can't even play video games. i can't walk. I've lost 15lbs. I quit smoking weed bc even tho it eased my mind it almost made the pain worse.

On top of it all i feel guilty if i dont stay grateful for what i do have. i'm thankful i have savings i'm thankful i still have a job and maintaining my ful income bc of my disability leave, i'm thankful i have a helful roommate i'm thankful for all the details that has been supporting me

i just want to be avble to stand, walk, enjoy my fucking life. i'm so mad sad frustrated and tired and above all else fucing terrified. i can read about this shit all day but it doesnt matter bc it never feels like anything relates to me. i've yet to find anyone with this condition who says they can't lay on their stomach. im terrified that all the doctors ive spoken too have not taken enough time to pay attention to details. i'm scared that ill be rushed into a surgery that either doesnt fix it or makes things worse. i'm scared that everyone is in it for the money. i'm scared bc if a doctor cant even figure out how to navigate simple software to view my fucking MRI how the hell can i trust them to cut me open. i'm scared bc anything medical in america is corrupt.

i'm scared ill never be back to normal. that ill never get back to exercising like i did. that ill forever be reliant on someone else when literally my entire life has been me realizing i can only rely on myself.

it's fucking lonely as hell. worse so even when someone will say "you're not alone" and then immediately leaves.

I am alone I spend all day alone in my bed. Nobody comes to visit me. Nobody checks up on me. I am alone. Whether i made myself alone or not i'm not stopping anyone from coming to find me. I aint moved in months.

I am alone. I'm always alone. Don't fucking gaslight me when I have witnessed this lonliness for 33 fucking years. I'm just as lonely now as i was when i was a kid. wordds mean nothing to me now.

im so fucking tired.

#being disabled in america is awful #i understand im technically temporarily disabled but it doesnt matter #disabled people should get free uppers bc this shit is depressing as fuck. #im trying my hardest to fight the depression bc this is not the time or place for that when i have so many danger pills #ive cried more the past few months than i have the past few years #i want to fast forward so bad

[garlique]

so here is my dilemma today sjdjdjs . day 2 in the field of a new job and yesterday i fucking HATED it and HATED the commute to the point where i cried the whole way home and then ALSO cried for like an hour afterward w my partner about how much i hated it and how miserable i was !! im putting it below a cut bc it'll probly get long but if anyone does read it all tell me if i should quit or try to keep going through it

okay so basically the job is charitable fundraising, face to face on the street canvassing. i dont wanna go into too much detail abt the company structure but the company that hired me is contracted by the IRC to do all their face to face fundraising. so yesterday they did some like intros and some basic dos and donts and then paired us up w someone and said "okay go!!"

here are my issues with it that are just about the job structure and not my own issues: theres no centralization at all and every day i would be going to a different spot. now this would be fine if it was based in tacoma, where i know my way around, and also dont have to ride for an hour on multiple forms of transit to get TO the city. the job is in seattle but i live in tacoma and anyone who sees this who does this commute will understand lol. they'll tell us where we're mesnt to be the next day 'by 8pm the night before' and having to scramble every single night to work out a complicated and frankly expensive commute to a brand new place makes me wanna kill myself sjzjzjzjz

minor issue but we have to use our personal phones and let them location track us for time clock purposes and i truly am not comfortable with that, and it saps my phone battery horribly which is a major source of anxiety for me

also in all their promo materials people had tables they were Sitting behind and for us, it is literally standing still in one spot for 6 fuckin hours a day which like i get it but if i can't walk around or sit i cant do it!!

last major issue is in fact the job itself. and i will admit this is my fuckin fault but i dont even rmr when i applied for this position and i have just been desperately applying for whatever i think i could get. but goddamn i am so tired of jobs where the people i interact with as a RULE treat interactinf with me like a horrible fucking chore or something else awful they have to get through like i can just FEEL the disgust radiating off them and that is so goddamn exhausting to me

now here is where we get into why u Shouldn't quit. the number one answer is that i am less than 2 weeks into quitting nicotine and in like another 2 weeks i SHOULD be a lot more normal. i say should because unfortunately nicotine is a surprisingly effective med for a lot of the mental issues i deal with and i honestly DONT know if i will get back to feeling normal within the month timeframe most people do !! and thats also assuming i dont fuckin relapse at all in that timeframe and am Able to stay off it, which if i stay at this job will probably be very impossible. but i truly just DONT have the necessary emotional regulation skills to deal with what i need to at this job! i dont have the emotional regulatory skills to deal with the constand rejection and brushing off, i just dont have the ability to not take it personally right now. and honestly given everything i dealt with at cascade and how much that affected me i dont know if i Will have those regulatory skills once im thru quitting!!

i dont know. like i want a job where i know im putting Good back into the world but i also dont want tiny fucking returns and rejection and unhappiness, and besides this would be an expensive fuckin job w the commute n the food n everything. i just dont wanna fuckin do it and i feel like with how fast paced everything is in this industry i should probably just fuckin quit now .lmao

i just dont know what to do and we're so brain foggy that we cant even make a fucking decision and im so tired and i dont wanna do it lmao . so someone tell me if i should quit or not !!

[foxtriestobiteandmaimandkilland]

Ok im rlly eepy. Had a moment of feeling like i was worth nothing and everyone hates me and the world was going to end. And then. I listened to video game soundtrack. And thought of all th what the fuck. What the cuck i think i saw a fuckin ghost in my room ong. Looked like. Car headlights going past. But my backs to my window and the curtains r closed. Omg. Ghost if ur reading me writ rhis tumblr post then i hope ur. Havin a ghosty time.

Anyways i then thought of all my special vlorbos from thevideo gane and how they probanly thought at points that they wrre worth nothing n that evey9ne hated them and that the worldw as going to end. Hut like. I knew that was wrong bc im the player and i love them amd ik their video game friends love them and ik their world didnt end bc even tho theres no epilogue to the story we know that. After the story. Little guy gets his happy ending. Maybe i am someones video game character and they are looking down at me being oike nooooooo babygirllll ur so sexyyyy and i lvoe youuuu and everyone loves youuuuu because its easier to realise that when. Ur the player. Bc u get obsorbed into this silly world but u dont have the stress and noise of having a brain and having an impact on the world so u get to spend all ur time beign a viewer and as a viewer unnotice things that would get drowned out by brain noise. Man. Is this y ppl believe in god or smth bc like. Someone whos a 'higher power' simply bc theyre just so like outta it all they can just like. Not deal w all th3 sillt Character stuff. If im in a video game. I hope i have an awesome soundtrack. Like undertale. Or omori or. Lifemis strange. Maybe those r all my soundtracks bc i listen to them. And. I am me.

Ok gonna go sleep now nc .im tired. Ogh this is a good song. I love the omori soundtrack sm. Omoris such a good game dude. Id sacrifice 40 hours any day to juwt play it.again fo4 the first time ovviosuly bc, doing things 4 the firs ttime is half the fun. And then every other time is also half the fun. Thats why it comes in half.ves.halves. but remember to be patient from omori is a very good song.everythings so good man. And school sucks bc it makes u think thats not true. And theyre so. Violent. Emotionally violent. But i know that school is wrong and it doesnt matter and i cant exist in the wrong way and i cant make art in the wrong way and all my teachers are wrong when they insult their other students because i know theyre wrong and. My friends are nice. And i am nice. I try to be when i can atleastmi think . Im gonna go to sleep and. Im glad i have friends. And i cant wait for. Th3 day i leave school. For good. Because then everything will be alright

#night thoughts

[mean-hare]

my stupid ed diary (mhwnbcb) , part 7 (november)

november, 1 we met with my friend masha and the 7 cats we had to transit to prague. they are going to their new homes. train was cool. in poland they checked our cats for a very fuckin long and we missed our train. so fuckin long.staying in train station at night, with cat cages and things, there was tiles and desperation.

november, 2 we stayed in almost empty hotel (liminal vibes). kitties were out of cages, running in room. we spent free time in a hotel cafe, it was tiring and boring. i ate maybe too much. masha talked on a phone all the time. i felt uncomfy. we waited on a station for so long. we was so cold. train was late for a hour. we didnt get any compensation for tickets on train that didnt wait for us yesterday. masha hates poland and it seems reasonable (i still like poland for kurwa tram and word "popierdolone" but today and yesterday was real shit)

november, 3 we came to prague at early morning. people who met us was one girl (i thought that she doesnt like me but i really may be wrong) who take most of cats and paulo (mashs and now my roommate). i know him for two years. now he have shaggy bleached mullet haircut with few blue tips, it looks like smoke on dryed fields. they felt very close to each other and very distant to me so i was sad. paulo decide to cheer me up and asked "will you be happy if suddenly there will be unicorn fallen from the sky and crashed on earth with all the rainbows, blood, guts (and so on with his vivid gorey imagination). it made me laught. they bought me an energy drink called rockstar. also i ate spicy chips. finally theres always avalible spicy chip, unlike in ukraine.

november, 4 we live on 6th floor (it would be called 7th in ukraine). i have a place on matress near the window. theres two big chubby cats called olivka (white with brown) and jackie (full name joconda, fluffy smokey-blackish-greyish-reddish one). theres also kitty called mia (tricolor) who need new home. she is very scared of everything guys gave me cows skull(without horns for unknown reason). i like it. masha bought milk and yogurts for me. i ate one.

november, 5 i unpacked my things. i have not so many with me. paper, few clothes, toys. guys' kitties like my toy dogs

november, 6 we went to the closest market and bought some sweets. wafers. theres so many diffrent kinds. and my fav soya bars. but i didnt eat much today

november, 7 my friends gave me their old sensor phone. we walked the pragues center and i was sad bc they were so close friends and i felt like a burden, unwanted, like i shouldnt be here. but the center was beautiful as always

november, 8 i runned from this house because of neighbour drills (i cant stand it) and lost in this place of similar buildings. paulo found me and after that i spent few hours in cafe runned by deaf people. it called "quite place" but visitors were very fuckin loud. i drank tea and draw my oc (smoking bleached bolognese dogboy called kitty)

november, 9 guys made me go to a psychiatrist. i said them a thousand times that i dont want it and i hate it and i cannot trust any fuckin psychiatrist and wouldnt say anything no matter how "good" one is for them. i did exactly as i said, i didnt say her anything. and now my friends are sad and angry at me.

november, 10 703 calories for some chips. pepsi mango zero. i walked from 8 till 17 but it was not that bad. i was chill. talked with danny online with a phone. draw. watched the underground trains.

november, 11 guys bought hair dye. paulos hair is half pink half blue now. i dyed my hair too but im stoopid. so my hair is not really dyed. just few blue, pink and lilac bangs.

november, 12 me and masha walked a little. there was a thick fog, unusual here, beautiful weather. paulo slept all day. the rest of my day was stupid (bc i ate too many shitty wafers)

november, 13 my breakfast is energy drink and sigarete smoke(i do not smoke)

november, 14 i walked for so long. saw so many spaces of this part of city. theres so many empty spaces. i am not used to it.

november, 15 fog. everything in fog. so beautiful and moist. i bought cheap starch chips. ate them on street like a dinner while sitting on bench with word "kurva" written on it. and read some feminist articles on my phone. fine.

november, 16 theres one precious market in strange point near an abandoned night club. this market looks just exactly like some of markets in my dreams. dim, full of unknown packs of food and very calmly liminal. and theres a lot of energy drinks. and very pretty asian woman cashier.

november, 17 chill homeday. i wanted chocolate so bad and ate half of advent calendar my friend bought me week ago. it had small amounts of calories but it feels so fuckin wrong.

november, 18 i walk the streets again. or better to say walk thru supermarkets sometimes buying shit there. i was in 4 of them today. in first one i bought pack of the cheapest (but tasty) chips (all the day long i worried about eating too much and hoping that too many time on the cold streets burned big amounts of calories. its may be true, it was really very fuckin cold, colder than before). and i bought precious zero monster energy in purple (loooveee purpl) can. it was so tasty but i as supersmartass took it from a fridge (there was non-fridge option) and almost freeze while drinking it on streets. then some time in another mall. and some more time on the stairs near our flat. bc guys went on some volunteer job and would be back in hour. later we met in deathmetal bar with some guys. they were talking, i was quite and lonely and sad as always. while waiting the train back we hear and saw a guy who listens to a gabber music. i like it. shitty day but filled with good music. fist snow of this autumn here.

november, 19 im laying on floor, listening to fontaines ds and sneezing (im sick). masha and paulo arguing long and hysterical about cat nicknames (most tumblr users would said that its very important but i wouldnt lie, i find it stupid. and i agree with m that paulos nickname is stupid but i disagree her crying because of it) i ate few pieces of gouda cheese. i didnt eat cheese for so long

november, 20

chill.

i love oliva's habit to come and dig under the blanket and purr. shi likes to spend her time wwith me. kute chonky kity

november, 21 bag of chips, sugarless drink - my usual daily food for eating on street day. i have another fav place to eat and read while eating. its a bench under the roof near some centrum or club idk. one of places wheres dry when it rains

november, 22

today is my bday and i had to spend few hours on cold streets bc of awful drill sounds of neighbors. i bought onion chips with a haloween styled pack and cinnamon zero cola and ate and read one book. and then i felt like i will die. my vision was blurred and dark, i felt nausea and dizzines and awful pain and heat in head and limbs became numb. and ringing in ears. i tried to walk and i realized that its so hard. i walked in a market to warm up but almost fade. i walked out and then lied on a bench. i felt like it becomes easier and felt better. but then some old woman came and started to shame me for lying on a bench so i had to find another place.

now im in our flat, guys greeted me and bought some cake or something idk its laying in a fridge. i have a huge fuck-it mood so today i will eat cake or something, fuck it all, im tired and i need a birthday mood

yeah it was a cheesecake!

november, 23 my days are dull again. i need more party. but theyre dull again.

november, 24 sweet taste of milk didnt erase that gross rotten feeling in my dirty mouth.

november, 25 i ate only one pack of diet joghurt. paulos mom visit us (them). paulo said as a joke "i had said yora that this women is a social worker who came for him" (i asked him before whos that woman). it was an awful joke. he knows about my fears and bad expirienses. i cried. he apologized but it still hurts.

november, 26 i had a mental breakdown or something. i felt isvisible and was so tired. i was loud for the first time of living here. and then i became bad in the eyes of guys, and i realised that i shouldnt be here. i should come back to ukraine. i hate ukraine. i hate czech republic. i hate my life. i have nowhere to go.

november, 27 paulo was high and became willing to help with my loneliness so he made me to register on few dating apps. i was restless bc of energy drinks and sugary things so i made my profiles detailed and almost fancy and swiped away many users who looked like "normal humans" ("normal people scare me" is not a tumblr joke but a real issue for me) it was really tiring

november, 28

good ol' walking thru the malls. and some late night breakdown as i remebber but i cant remember why adn how it was.

november, 29 i bought kinder surprise with discount. i have a little plastic penguin now. i named it ping as one penguin character in german kid book about urmel the dinosaurus. i walked the lonely path between school and big road. i saw there few abandoned shopping carts. children walked in groups their way home or market. they seemed so happy under the twilight skies.

november, 30 now theres a black dog of masha's friend. temporary. noisy shaggy black (his name is black. paulo calls him blacker). he makes funny sniffing sound when i eat wafers or chips. its my most common meal now, today its the only meal for day.

#mhwnbcb #disorder eating #male ed

[soldier-poet-king]

How can I ban every instance and mention of romance from my life entirely. It's ubiquitous and I absolutely hate that society is constructed around the nuclear family and frankly I'm done with living like this

#fran's personal posts #romance here on out is illegal #im fuckin done #ive reached the point where even a mention of romance makes me want to kms #so like. im done im fuckin done #mental bullshit tag #i am tired of being so so lonely all the time #knowing that this is what the rest if my life is going to be like #and i am never going to have physical comfort or intimate human connection with other people #decentralize marriage and romance and the nuclear family or i WILL kill you #the ccc calling for disinterested friendship #vs. its not good for man to be alonr #fight #bc apparently the rest of us poor sops have to be strong enough to live alone #rather than those called to religious life who choose it #i just. fuck u. fuck u fuck u fuck u #everyone is so patronizing oh its bc you cant have sex #i mean sure that's part of it. but i care more for tender intimacy than sex #where are the gentle touches the cuddles the hugs #i just need to bury my face in someone's shoulder everyday for at least 15 min #and be held #its about the uh. physical contact. and being seen and loved #but oh nooooo intimate displays of affection are viewed with suspicion bc you mf trads are all weirdo sex obsessed nuclear family nuts #who hold marriage as the be all and end all of human relationships and the only appropriate outlet for intimacy and deep profound connection