#but i hate the implications behind that which society has instilled in all of us!

[scripttorture]

Hello, I saw your response about conditioning through torture and how it does not work. I was wondering though, if a torture victim was rescued by someone and then kept in their care could they be conditioned by them while being taken care of? I'm working on a henchmen whose horribly dependant on the villain as he views her as his savior to the point of his own self destruction and I'm not sure if it would be a conditioned response or just a feeling of debt.

Theanswer to this depends on the sort of responses you’re talkingabout and I don’t think the wording is great-

Butit’s difficult to know what the ‘right’ terms are when mostexperts disagree. I respond very negatively to the term‘brainwashing’ because of cultural implications that go alongwith that word. However there aremental health professionals who use the term, even those who researchthings like cults.

They’reusing the term to refer to a very specific set of manipulativetechniques in a way they hope will appeal to and be understood by themainstream.

I’mrejecting the term because I think it ends up leaving people with avery skewed view of what’s possible and confusing people further.

AndI think ‘conditioned’ looks very much like a synonym for‘brainwashed’ in this context.

Theword implies a lack of agency or choice on the part of henchman. Andit’s impossible to take away someone’s ability to choose.

Avillain can take away their physical capacity to make a choice (acharacter with their hands tied behind their back can’t choose toshake someone’s hand). A villain can manipulate. A villain cancoerce, so that the choice a character makes isn’t a free choice. Acharacter with a gun to their head being told notto shake hands is likely to think that shaking hands isn’timportant enough to risk their life over. But the character stillchooses.

Thereare a couple of ways that you can make the relationship between thishenchman and the villain extremelyunhealthy, manipulative and coercive, while having him realisticallyview her positively. I get the impression you already know that noneof them involve violence.

Let’sstart by talking about ICURE.

ICUREis an acronym that covers a set of techniques which are scarilyeffective at manipulating people and coercing them into changingtheir beliefs. It stands for Isolate, Control information, introduceUncertainty, Repetition and Emotive responses.

Fromyour description there’s a lotof potential for all of those right at the start of this relationshipwhen the villain rescues the henchman. In fact in the environmentyou’ve suggested it might not even be entirely conscious on thevillain’s part.

Dependingon his injuries and the way medicine is practiced in this setting itmight be perfectly natural for the henchman to be isolated fromalmost everyone butthe villain while he recovers. And that could be a long period oftime- months or years with complex injuries.

Ithink complex injuries with a long healing time would fit really wellwith this scenario and could help make the relationship appear ‘good’from the point of view of the henchman and the villain. Somethinglike complex breaks in major bones, requiring physical assistance andthen possibly physiotherapy providing a ‘natural’ reason for thecharacters to spend a lot of time together and for the henchman to beisolated from others.

Duringthat time the villain has a massive amount of power over thehenchman. But it doesn’t need to be wielded in ways that seemobviously forceful.

Tellingsomeone you won’t let them contact their friends or family has avery different effect to telling a vulnerable character in this sortof position that it’s too dangerous to do so.

‘Ireally wish I could but then wemight be captured. Or they might be tortured too.’ This makes itsound as if the villain’s motive is primarily to protect thehenchman, rather than to isolate him, manipulate him and make himreliant on her. It encourages him to view his isolation positively,to agree to it for the greater good.

Andthe terrible thing is it’s not untrue. Part of the reason torturesurvivors are often ostracised by their communities is the fact thatpeople close to them could also be targeted. This happens especiallyoften with charity workers, politicians and activists.

Soit’s relatively easy for the villain to isolate the henchman inthis scenario.

Onceisolated the villain would need to carefully control the informationthe henchman has access to. Essentially the villain is making surethat the henchman only ever gets her side of the story.

Ina modern setting that could mean telling him that it’s ‘safer’if they can’t use the internet or phones. They can’t be traced orfollowed. This has the added bonus of reinforcing and repeating themessage that the henchman is only safe with the villain and thatshe’s trying to protect him.

Ina more historic setting it’s often part and parcel of isolationitself.

Whateverthe setting part of this means controlling who communicates with thehenchman and what they’re likely to say. The aim is to make surethat almost nothing contradicts the villain’s version of events.Anything that does is a rare blip.

The‘Uncertainty’ aspect of ICURE is probably more relevant if she’strying to get him to break with a group he was previously part of orcompromise on some of his values. It means exposing him to thingsthat are designed to make him question his membership of a group orthe values that group instils.

I’mtrying to think of a…less awful example of this for the purposes ofthis ask. Most of the things that spring to mind are part ofsustained campaigns of hate speech before and during genocides.

You…may or may not be aware of the current problems Muslims in China arefacing.Several years prior to this people in these states reported that thegovernment had started an information campaign against fasting. Thesesponsored messages were supposed to be ‘proving’ that fasting isdangerous and unhealthy.

Theaim in this case was to spread uncertainty about a practice that is acornerstone of Muslim peoples faith.

Howapplicable these tactics are to your story depends on the henchman’sbackground and how much he (broadly speaking) agreed with the villainbefore hand. She may not have try and make him feel uncertain if hedoesn’t have strong objections to what she does and alreadyfeels isolated from his previous community because he’s beentortured. His community’s ‘failure’ to rescue him may havealready created a lot of uncertainty about the place he used to holdin society and the people he used to be surrounded by.

Repetitionis pretty simple, we tend to see repeated points as more credibleeven when there isn’t data behind them. So long as the villain andthose around her are repeating the messages she wants the henchman tohear that will reinforce them.

Thefinal point involves trying to trigger intense emotional responsesaround both the things the villain wants the henchman to relate toand the things she wants him to abandon.

It’sframing things in ways that make logic go out the window and pushemotional buttons instead.

Takethe earlier example of isolating the henchman from friends and family‘for their safety’. If the henchman questions this a possible wayof using emotional responses would be to jump from something like-‘Well I understand your points but surely I could just tell themI’m still alive?’

Toresponses like- ‘God after every thing I’ve risked and sacrificedto keep you safe you want to put usin danger?’

‘Whydon’t you trust me?’

‘Fine.Get them killed. I’m just trying to look out for you.’

Notethat all of these responses derail the conversation. None of themaddress the actual point of the question, they just reframe theargument in a way that’s aiming to get a reaction, whilereinforcing the messages the villain is trying to send:

‘I’mthe only one who can take care of you.’

‘I’mthe only one protecting you.’

‘Youshould put your faith in me not other people.’

Andso forth.

Giventhe situation you’ve outlined it would be perfectly natural for thehenchman to feel indebted to the villain, even without any of thisbeing used to manipulate him.

Butindebtedness will only go so far. Depending on the characters and howmuch they have in common it could be more than enough for thescenario you want.

Butif you want to make their relationship more obviously unhealthy andcoercive, then introducing manipulative ICURE elements is a realisticway to do that while still having a character who is completelydevoted to the villain.

Hedoesn’t have to view her as the best or nicest person in the world(though that might help), he just needs to see her as better than hisalternatives options.

Ifyou have the henchman changing his views after torture then be sureto lay the ground work for that change. Show a natural progression,with doubts or a lack of deep thought about his opinions beforetorture. If you like show the villain manipulating those doubts laterin an attempt to reach an outcome that suits her.

Butthat might not be necessary. Think about whether the character reallyhad a strong belief against violence or loyalty to groups the villainis fighting before he was tortured.

ICUREdoesn’t create loyalty or affection, what it can create is relianceand (over long periods) shifts in views. It doesn’t ‘work’ overnight and it’s not completely reliable. But this kind ofmanipulation canresult in genuine cooperation while torture can’t.

Ithink you need to decide how healthy you want the relationshipbetween the henchman and the villain to be and howmanipulative/creepy you’re comfortable with writing it.

Buthopefully this post gives you enough information for you to choosewhat you’d like to do. :)

Edit: Just wanted to acknowledge that commenters are correct these tactics do get used in more conventional settings, sometimes with good intent. They are just a tool, a tool that’s often used to abuse. But that doesn’t mean there’s no possible ‘good’ use for ICURE or that political parties etc don’t attempt to use it to get votes or change policy. 

Mustard gas was the first successful cancer treatment. Awful things can sometimes be put to good use. 

Disclaimer

#tw torture #tw emotional abuse #manipulation #coercion #unhealthy relationships #ICURE #gotowhatsanapocalae

[forceyourway]

Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge

Day Eight: “What aspects of my upbringing might I benefit from taking into consideration?”

(Using Loki’s tarot deck, “The Raven’s Prophecy Tarot”)

Four of Cups - Another interesting card, considering, the Four of Cups is about focusing on yourself, and not recognizing what good you have in life. Being a Cups card, this can be about relationships. Since I’m abused, it makes sense that I would have a very self-focused childhood; it’s pretty much a survival mechanism. Now that I’m older, though, I’m more able to see all the elements of the puzzle; I can speculate on what my parents and sister may have been thinking, and why they did what they did. It’s admittedly a bit hard not to read this as “you were a selfish child and it’s all your fault,” but I don’t think this is what we’re getting at, here. I think that perspective leads to greater understanding of self...which is what this prompt is all about.

Upbringing - Values, Interests, Conduct

Consider how you were raised. How were you expected to behave? What was considered “normal” in your family unit? What sorts of ethics were instilled in you? Were you ever drawn to or fascinated by things that were not accepted in your family? Note any resistance you experienced to the way you were raised.

Now here’s a question I can get behind.

Much of this stuff has been touched on already in previous posts. For the sake of organization - because this is gonna be all over the place - I’m gonna bullet-point stuff, here.

Be What I Want/Expect You To Be - I think my mom had this vision of what her perfect child would be, and that vision is built heavily around dressing me up and having me be cute. If there is anything that requires any responsibility from her at all, she wants nothing to do with it. As mentioned, she would turn hostile to me when I refused to wear the clothes she got me (which were clothes she liked, not clothes I liked, and she knew that). I eventually started refusing to go shopping with her at all, because it always ended up looping back to this, even if it wasn’t on the schedule. My dad did force me to go to a tanning place when I was a young teen, because I was too pale for his taste, and my skin was not clear. Also mentioned, my dad made very frequent complaints that I was not doing all the terrible stuff he did as a kid (sneaking out, smoking, drinking, drugs, whatever), as if that meant I was not “normal.” I don’t even remotely feel bad about this. That’s his issue. Regardless, I did end up growing up feeling “weird,” and I’ll frequently apologize for “being weird” even now. My dad really emphasized the importance of spending time outdoors, and I appreciated that we would go out and try different things. But the outdoors are really not for me; I’m extremely allergic to pollen, and my skin is so pale that even a short amount of time in the sun makes me burn. I prefer time indoors, and I’m not big on people, so I like my alone time. That is and always was unacceptable in his eyes; he has serious, serious opposition to “nerds,” despite being one. He’s clocked hundreds of hours in FFX, so he’s no right to demand to know how long I’ve been playing. Until I found Final Fantasy X, he was refusing to buy any sort of game system (save our GameBoys, which apparently had a pass for not being Video Game Enough). Because he Perfected FFX, though, whenever I played a game he’s demand to know how much I accomplished re: sidequests, because no one could ever do better than him, I guess. So I felt this pressure to perfect everything, even though many times that pressure turns me off from gaming. I’ve only half-finished tons of games because of this. I’m slowly kicking this now, because I’ll play how I like, thank you. But society doesn’t help on this front, either. I also remember my dad making my sister and I weed the garden when we were in middle school, I think? and we were not allowed to stop until every single leaf and every single bit of green everywhere had been pulled. We were young and it was hot so this was miserable. I remember comparing myself to Cinderella at that point. This probably contributed to my perfectionism.

Christianity - As mentioned, I was raised Catholic, and despite being a generally terrible person, my mother was always pushing that I was gonna burn in hell. I had nightmares for a long time, even into adulthood. Catholic school made me deeply uncomfortable, and I always stood out among everyone else there, and not in a good way. And I’ve always been incredibly resistant to that whole “honor thy father and mother” thing. My parents are abusive, and it just seemed a very weird power move in general, to kind of force compliance upon kids like that. As such, I’m super opposed to pretty much any Christian anything, so I’ll never be one to work with Saints or angels or demons or what have you. This is to the point that even Christian symbolism, like shows or movies with a lot of Christian themes, will trigger an automatic “get it away from me” response. It’s been lessening some over time. My sister, with her ever-changing personality, got really into Mormonism after hanging out with a bunch of her Mormon friends, and that was deeply frowned upon by everyone in my family, even my extended family. Even though it was still Christianity, it wasn’t the right kind. My parents seem of the general belief that people who aren’t Christian are bad or evil, and that has always seemed wrong to me, both as someone very opposed to what beliefs were forced upon me, and as someone who knew non-Christians who are lovely people. And now we’ve come full circle with the Burn in Hell thing, with my mom and sister jumping into straight up Extremism. My mom threatened to have me exorcised (!) because idk she doesn’t like me?? or something I did??

Control through Fear - So there’s that whole “Defiance!!1!” thing. Questioning my father’s authority was pretty much an unforgiveable offense, and a personal insult to him. Naturally, this just made me more resistant to it. There was also a sort of “children are to be seen and not heard” implication, that I also thought was BS, even as an introverted child. I understood that it was a power thing. A lot of these terrible parenting attitudes are what inspired me to become an ECE; I want to help as many children as possible have a better childhood than me. I don’t want them to grow up feeling weird or that they have no support and no voice. My parenting style is authoritative, vs. my father’s authoritarian.

Family Is (The Most) Important - This is another thing pushed by my father; pretty much everything here is. He had far more power than my mother. I have a personal need for family, because I’m abused and always felt that hole. This attitude kind of makes it even worse. He also likes to say “blood is thicker than water,” ignoring the second half of the quote, and “family’s all you’ve got.” He pushes that you should be around terrible people, no matter what they do, because they’re ~family~. I also think this is because he has no friends, that he can’t perceive there ever being anything else. I know this “you need to stay with them” thing is BS, but I wonder that it’s not tied into my need for family, because I’ll keep tentatively poking at these people. I’ll pretty much take whatever I can get, though I now keep my distance, and will shut you down if you go all -ist on me. There was also this idea that family needed to appear perfect to the outside world, a “keeping the family secret” thing common in abusive households. I don’t imagine this has helped me feel comfortable talking to people in general, and I know I’m uncomfortable talking about them being abusive even among people who I know are also abused. Also, any sort of refusal to do anything (for any reason) was always perceived as an attack on the family.

- Isms Everywhere - Every -ism, all the time. Of particular impact on me, my dad would use a lot of female-specific slurs against me and against my mother, which fucked up my perception of women in general. For a long time I was of the mind that we are mostly whores and dumb bitches.

Learning & Education - Pushed by my dad, who thinks the only reason I don’t have a perfect 4.0 is because I’m lazy. This led to both perfectionism and feelings that I’m not good enough, as a person. I enjoy school (given I’m studying my field) and feel really, really awful that I don’t have a B.A., even though there’s pretty much no way I can ever afford one. I think about it every now and then. I think I should have a Master’s by now.

Materialism - My mom’s superficial, my dad’s real concerned about appearances, and wants us to have the best stuff. Because my dad was so hard against anything that had to do with “nerds” growing up, I never had that exposure to pop culture growing up; I didn’t grow up reading comics or watching Star Trek. All of this stuff I’ve had to seek out myself, as an adult, and I frequently feel isolated because of it. I hate when everyone is talking about a thing I don’t know about. So now I have this thing where I feel “behind” everyone else, and am scrambling to catch up. Which means a lot of interest in Stuff. Also, I’m broke, so occasionally I’ll get that “But don’t I also deserve a nice thing?” feeling when I have a bit more money than usual, and it’s hard to fight that off. My dad encourages it, too, being now very poor but going to Red Lobster a whole lot.

Parentification - My dad thinks it’s my job to comfort him, and somehow thought the message of Mary Poppins is that children need to support their father. My mom was also frequently hysterical, and demanded comfort, but I stayed the heck away from her. He also used to say that it “hurt [him] more than it hurt me” when he hurt me. Because it’s really all about him, and my pain is invalid. Ugh.

Unpredictable Discipline - My mother was extremely permissive and largely uninterested in providing guidance, and would just randomly lash out, then run away and cry. For some reason, my dad was of the mind that it was the women’s responsibility to do whatever-vaguely-related-to-family-thing, which included guidance?? So he’d no nothing at all until things progressed to a point where he just blows up, which results in the usual screaming and slamming things and blaming my mother or us for ruining the family. At that point, “we deserve it.” This usually resulted in extremely harsh punishment...which was then sometimes abruptly dropped.

“You’re not doing Enough” - Oh boy do I have issues with this. I can be really over-harsh on myself here. When I was a child, my mother was always demanding that we do chores, because children are expected to do all the chores as payback for their parents existing...but we were not allowed to, save filling/emptying the dishwasher. I always wanted to help cook, but was never given the opportunity, for fear I’d ruin something. And this is a thing with laundry in particular; my mother refused to let me do my own laundry for the longest time, because she was absolutely convinced I was going to flood the house with soap and water like they do on TV. Even into adulthood. When I was staying with her, she always seemed to have something to say when I did the laundry. This has not inspired me to try new things as an adult, and I’m easily discouraged if I don’t immediately do something well. Even though I know in my mind that sometimes you gotta try a bunch of times before you get it right, I kind of automatically go into “I can’t do it, I suck.” As an adult, this has become “Why aren’t you (married/having kids/working a salaried position in a cubicle somewhere/living in a house),” with the implication that I should be doing X because I’m Y years old. This just makes me feel bad about myself. Like I’m failing. Especially why don’t I have a B.A.? I should have a Master’s by now.

#Tree of Life Shadow Work Challenge #Tarot #Divination #Divination Challenges #@unmaskingthedivine #Child Abuse #Emotional Abuse #Psychological Abuse #Spiritual Abuse #Mental Abuse #Sexism #Misogyny #Christianity

[casualeclectica]

Why?… (in response to a good friend asking, post-Trump inauguration)

First off, I respect you greatly for calling for clarification.

I do not just heedlessly jump on the liberal train or follow my friends to “keep the peace” or “avoid drama”.

I am not one to unquestioningly follow.

Even in the Army, after basic…I was sent to Hawaii…spent 2 weeks in reception where the SGT there tried to hammer into us, “Keep your head down…keep those uniforms tight…salute and just do what you’re told!” Guess what…my first week in my actual unit, I was promoted and reported straight to my battery officer each day and helped arrange training schedules and duty rosters, why? Because when I went in to speak to the Sergeant Major that first day, I was the only one of the incoming group who did NOT parrot the same reasons for joining the military…”To be the best SM!…To become a Sgt Major, Sgt Major!…To kick ass SGT Major…To serve our country sgt major!…blah blah blah butt kiss Sgt Major!” My answer was simple…”To experience the world as a soldier and see how I can make a difference in this way…SGT Major…”. The next day, my platoon sergeant called me out of formation and told me to report to our Commander…

I was raised by a very strong, independent woman (I was adopted when I was 2) who not only raised me and my brother but also over a dozen foster children, one other who was adopted as my sister. My mother ran the Northwoods Humane Society for many years when I was a child so I was exposed to caretaking of wildlife, environmental conservation efforts, heck I don’t remember it, but she says that when I was a toddler, she marched in a GreenPeace protest with me in a stroller! When I was ten we moved to Eau Claire, WI where I completed grade school. During this time, my mother worked on many community projects, started an after-school kids club, and was on the City Council for 12 years I believe. I, along with school, choir, and other activities, very much enjoyed being involved, even as a kid. I did camera work for the local Public Access TV station for several years learning basic filmography as well as video editing and tv station operation, even aired a fun little craft show episode with an older lady making bead animal key chains. I was involved in set-up and operation of several local festivities, school events, recorded local government sessions.

Now, my mom is a die-hard text-book far-left, liberal, ride or die democrat…and yes, many of my views may be influenced by that…but besides that, I have retained my individual versions of the same views. I do not believe that either side is wholly right or wrong…I do not believe that the system is set up out of concern for you, me, or any individual citizen. The cops, congress, judges, none of them are there to serve US…they are there to maintain and enforce a system (which ideally Should server US)…an outdated and very riddled system, built on old ways, hard-headedness, silly rules and laws put in place because setting an unnecessary law with unreasonable punishment is easier than a judge actually making a common-sense ruling. I am also heavily influenced by the law, morality, and ethics courses which I have attended over the years…as these have instilled in me, what I perceive to be a rather neutrally controlled aspect of right and wrong.

To actually answer your questions as much as I can at this time…

I cannot say that your feelings of support for Trump are unfounded or wrong (this leads to many arguments that I have even with other liberals and activists, many do not look at the other side of the situation with the proper question of “why do THEY think they are right?” as you yourself have asked me)…

I do not wholly know your situation, your upbringing, or your true feelings toward other people or situations…

More than being against Trump, the entity, himself….I am wholly and forever against what has been coined as a small population of Americans who now, influenced by Trump’s campaign and current statements, believe that it is okay to be racist, hateful, un-humanitarian, generally everything, EVERYTHING, I was taught was bad in the world…and now there are people, who because of Trump’s messages and implications, openly express this hate and such that have been termed by nations worldwide to be inappropriate, un-civil, and in a word, bad…

I will not sit here and say Trump is stupid…he’s obviously not! It takes some intelligence to lose several businesses to bankruptcy and still remain one of the most esteemed and valuable people on the planet… one of us misses a mortgage payment and life is hell til we’re paid up!

Borders is a fragile issue for any country…

First, I believe we are coming to an age where borders should be starting fade…with communication, trade, nearly no war as far as national, and relations, til now, pretty good…are countries truly an idea that is relevant now? This administration seems hell bent on rolling the clock backward on this and many other things. My concern is that it seems we are taking a several hundred year step backward with the intentions of the Trump administration.

Besides that, no, I do not believe “uncontrolled” borders are a good idea and I support heavily enforced immigration…but I do support immigration.

Diversity, immigration itself, hospitality are all things that made America a beacon of hope and a symbol of freedom to the world. Closing our doors, cutting ties, halting aid efforts and denying asylum…these are the marks of a selfish, nationalist, country…North Korea does exactly this…to the extreme, but yes this.

The immigration process in place right now, even refugee transference, is actually a very long and arduous process!

My feelings on terrorism being a reason to restrict immigration further? Well, if someone is hell-bent on making a terrorist statement…they will! Any system we put in place will have some kind of hole, sleeper cells from the cold war could very well still be awaiting orders possibly even passed to offspring…nothing but “NO IMMIGRATION” POLICY will prevent such deep convicted action…but as the UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, can we righteously shut off immigration and continue to be the nation we see ourselves as?

I am for true freedom, true unity, true equality and the fight and/or progress to those ends…anything besides those, I am against!

This is what I believe is right.

Trump has never lived on the same plane of existence as any of us! I really don’t understand how it can be believed that a man with his name on Towers around the world, who gold-encrusts the rooms of his apartments and homes (all plural), has been depicted as a comic-book “rich a-hole” character since we were all kids, who is having his wife and son stay in their NY home, at tax payer expense, to “ease the transition” for his son and wife because it is absolutely a STEP DOWN FOR THEM TO MOVE TO THE WHITE HOUSE (thus any impeachment or such wouldn’t exactly be a punishment for him since he can just go back to his palaces and money)!!!

How?…How does this in ANY way relate to the common citizen? To the average worker? To those who did or were expected to vote for him (of course it was the very system HE claimed to be “rigged” that elected him…NOT The People, We did not elect him as the popular vote shows…)?

If I am allowed only one statement as to why I did not vote for him, it would be that, sorry, I can’t relate to him in really any way besides, yes, the system needs to change. Yes, I hope, HOPE, he doesn’t fuck things up! I hope he actually flips again (the amount of and the things he has turned on should be alarming to everyone!), and shows true concern for the citizens and well being of the nation…

I watched the inauguration…many said to boycott, but I need to keep an eye on this!

I watched, and I saw a new Soviet Union being announced…I saw North Korea being introduced….I saw a dictator, with his generals lined up behind him, just saying “we are tearing the system apart!” No plans, no assurances, it was a religion weaved, call to arms, war on everyone, Nationalist-Fascist (at least the Nazis had the Socialist facade at first), utter horror show of a national address, I hoped to never witness in my or my descendents existences!

I agree, we need change, we need to truly “drain the swamp”…but filling it with crocodiles and snakes does not seem right…Wall Street bankers…CEO’s…people known to have ties to HATE GROUPS…these are what run the country now…and you don’t understand my problem?!

One of the signs I saw in pictures of the Women’s Marches that really touched me was one held by a little old woman in a wheel chaire, it read, “90 yrs old, and I STILL have to fight for Equal Rights?”

The pussy hats…the burning crap…the insults…those are all people venting…people need to express themselves and what is wrong is that things are SO BAD THAT THESE ARE THE ONLY WAYS MANY PEOPLE FEEL THEY CAN BE HEARD!

Comments of “move on”, “accept”, “he’s your president now, get over it” all show very precisely the problem we are calling out!

Do our voices not matter? Do our opinions have no weight?

Are we a nation that should just cow-tow to whoever is in charge because “that’s just how it is?” (because conservatives sure didn’t during the entire Obama administration…just google “anti-obama signs”).

I post, share, and participate in these things because I will always do what I believe is the truly right thing.

I don’t believe in mob decisions, I don’t believe in trend followings, I don’t even just curb my tongue because “Grandma may have a problem”, I believe what I believe and stand behind what I do and say no matter who I am around or who may hear it. People liike to say “I say what I want!” and “I’m the most straight-forward person you’ll ever meet!” when all they actually mean is, I’ll act exactly as comfortable as I feel like acting and I don’t care about manners…except in certain situations and around certain people. This is not so for me, I have and show a base level of respect at all times, I swear on occasion but not out of “outspokenness”, out of admitted bad habit, and I apologize. I say that I stand for something, and if a real opportunity to support it arises, I do it!

This is how I have always been.

You know, I spent some time in Texas as an adult, I was born there but hadn’t been back since a baby, and while I rode bulls, traveled to beaches, experienced a lot!

The one thing I remember most, was when me and a buddy (who I stayed with a while) were doing a day labor job, just for something to do and some extra beer money. We were on a construction clean-up assignment.

Me, my buddy (who was like poster boy texas white frat bro type) and several men of apparent hispanic influence got to the site. My buddy and the others called the supervisor “boss” or “hoss” while I called him “Sir”…I don’t know if it was a northern attitude difference or what but I couldn’t say “Boss”. I asked what the orders were and was told just to grab whatever wasn’t attached to something else and get it in a dumpster. I said I was on it.

I worked all morning…the others trolled about picking up odds and ends, taking smoke breaks, sitting on phones, working but not working…my buddy spent all morning chatting with the “boss”.

I cleaned out 3 floors of the gutted building myself that morning…the others got 1, and after lunch my buddy pulled me aside and said “you’re workin too hard man, don’t worry about the afternoon, we’re listening to the game on the “boss”s radio, let “them” finish up”…now I looked at him and all I could say was “What? Why?”

…now, you do remember I am not white right? I am of mixed background and have black hair, brown eyes, and light tan complexion…

Well this guy leans in and says…”cuz we’re white dude!…let the mexicans do it…we’re gettin paid no matter what…”

I looked at him and said, “You just lost my respect man…I am not white! I may not be mexican, and I may speak proper english…but I am not going to work or be hanging with you!”

I walked off the work site…grabbed my stuff from his place, and went on my way…THAT is who I am…even though the other men were not even working how I was…I was not about to even think I was better than them, deserved anything different, or thought of the job differently. I was there to do a job and not judge others…that’s what I see life as…

At a very basic level…why is it okay and protected, that acknowledged Hate groups like the KKK (extreme white supremacy) or even the Black Panthers (extreme black takeover from their actions, not the ACLU and not sanctioned by other peaceful groups) have been free to march openly for their causes and beliefs of hate and racism through our nation’s capitol…but it is not okay, and made fun of, for me to walk with a sign showing MY opinion.

What I am against are double standards…mistruths…and things that we can all agree are bad things.

I have walked right by Trump supporters rallying in my town…been yelled at to “Go Home!”…my girlfriend was at one, taking pictures for her photography class, she was spit on because they thought she was “with the media” and would “portray them badly”…which they seemed to do well enough themselves…

No, not all conservatives are bad…not all republicans are bad…but they are being represented by those who ARE bad in their actions and messages and influence! Oh, and yes, supporting them, either actively or passively, will bring you to question in many people’s minds.

We live in a socialist republic with layers of democracy entwined…good business is good…good people are good…really, I believe that if the question needs asked as to whether something is good or not…it’s generally not.

I would be all for Real compromise, Real unity, Real negotiation, Real government…heck I would be happy for our nation to just simply decide whether or not it IS a racist nation…a religious nation…which religion…a war-like or peaceful nation…a productive nation…a cooperative nation…but it’s like everything that could describe a nation, America is in flux over!

Land of the free…except the millions incarcerated for minor offenses and the utter dependency on the credit industry and wall street…

Home of the brave…except many who would be brave are cowed into submission, even our heroes, soldiers, many come “home” to not be able to afford a “home” or even the care they may need to be healthy…

Land of opportunity…really only if your cards fall right, hard work actually gets few people much further than a dead end job, maybe with health insurance and some fragile attempt at retirement benefits which are always changing and the hope of maybe a 1 week vacation out of state once a year…

Land of diversity…We are, but it seems like many don’t want to be, stereotypes are exploited and often encouraged, descrimination is rampant, we spent too much effort learning the word Tolerate, and not enough time learning mutual acceptance and respect…

No, even church go-ers, those who preach tolerance, love, acceptance on a podium, dress up nice on Sundays and Holidays and kneel to a higher power, how are these some of the most judgmental, in a land of the free, practicing a religion of love, peace, and non-violence…?

What IS America? Are we just going to be a maybe-improved-version of old Russia? Are we going to start the American Empire, maybe we are jealous that other societies have such a further history than us and we must play catch-up by making every mistake they did over thousands of years, in a mere few hundred? I don’t know what it is…but I will not stand for it.

I can’t be okay with constants of “Now I’m not racist, but [something racist here]” or “I’m the last to judge, being a Christian, but [judgment of someone else here]”…you are OR you’re not!

America is like the rebel teenager of the world, with the never gonna die attitude and the definatley-not-ready for the big leagues brain…and now with direct permission to “just be an asshole, let it all out, do drugs, be nasty, jump off a cliff” kind of parenting from a leader who has nothing to lose and really doesn’t care about any of us, because in his gold-encrusted Towers, he is not one of us…and never will be. He has never lived by the same laws or the same expectations as a normal citizen, and now he is the figurehead of the nation, the main spokesman yelling to the rest of the planet “I AM AMERICA, I SPEAK FOR AMERICANS, AND I SAY SCREW YOU,WE DO WHAT WE WANT!”

I can’t, I won’t.

I may be ridiculed by many…I may one day, even be arrested…but I can promise you, as myself and how I believe.

I will not harm anyone if it is not necessary.

I will not show unwarranted disrespect.

I will not break any just laws.

My children, and their children will not be able to say our family stood by and did nothing.

I do and will make a difference.

Why should it be a peaceful transition to a nation of discrimination and hate?

Should I just accept that because of our skin color, my son and I will probably have to show our ID if we travel within US borders while others do not?

Should I just accept that statements have been made that those who even peacefully protest or voice opinion may be prosecuted?

While these may not come to reality, they have been stated by current administration, and I cannot respect or follow those who would believe these things to be good.

Take from this what you will…you have your views.

I have to say, share, do, and influence what I believe to be right…

I hope this at least gives you a glimpse as to my stand on the matter.

~D.A. Stanley 1/23/2017

originally posted to https://medium.com/@dastanley/why-in-response-to-a-good-friend-asking-post-trump-inauguration-f6f532bdcf8a#.x5jdotosn

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