#but i think i also need adderall.

[brainrotdotorg]

my brain is fried i need to go outside

#turns out that being alone in your room for five days straight isnt good for your mental health #i need to feel the sun on my skin or soemthing #but i think i also need adderall. #like. bad. #i cant focus on fucking anything and its really really bad and im just now noticing #i tried to read a book i cant read a book #i tried to scroll i can barely even focus on whats on my screen #watch a video watch a movie draw i cant do any of it #but time keeps passing so fast . it was noon the last time i looked at the clock #its kind of scary. i feel like im losing time. #really really sure i have adhd but i am literally not able to do anything about it #so. fucked!

[houseswife]

wilson is like one of those bitches who puts nicotine patches on their partner in their sleep so that they’ll subconsciously crave their presence and associate their time together with the gratification of it. except instead of doing it sneakily, he openly (even reluctantly) exists as the main source of house’s vicodin prescriptions, not only providing him with the high but maintaining this pavlovian dynamic where he actively contributes to house’s pain relief & survival. he’s essentially his lifeline. and for the most part, he doesn’t even do it on purpose!!! because aside from the literal drug connection, that’s what his friendship is to house, too. what bonnie said about how wilson just tries to be a Good and Normal friend but ‘once you’re the subject of all that attention, it’s addictive’. in season 8, he says “I cannot be responsible for the happiness of gregory house.” and then has the audacity to look shocked when foreman replies, “You are responsible, though.” it’s like he’s painfully aware of their fucked up codependency but simply turns his face away from it. he’s even in denial until the very last moment, until it’s not only his upcoming death on the horizon, but the knowledge that they’re both free. I always found his smile after ‘I’m dead, wilson’ a little chilling. because it feels like he knows what that means — the larger, lethal implications of house disregarding any worry about his own future — and only then is he done fighting it.

#sorry if this is incoherent #house md #hilson #house/wilson #james wilson #greg house #gregory house #I can see house doing the nicotine thing fr but I can’t see wilson doing it covertly #simply because he can never keep it quiet when he pulls off a covert little manipulation #he’s too proud of himself #most of the insane boundary-violating things that house has done he’s only done to satiate his own curiosity #but wilson does them specifically for house’s validation #like the antidepressant thing or the healthy eating #he knows house loves it when he’s a manipulative bitch #so he’d never keep it a secret #whereas house has probably violated every law of privacy towards him w/o ever mentioning it #I need to study them under a microscope etc etc #also can you tell that my personal experience is bleeding into this a little bit #I used to give my (prescribed) adderall to druggies for free in high school because it made them like me more 😬 #and I gaslit myself into thinking I was doing them a solid / doing a positive thing #as if I wasn’t just depriving myself of medication that I needed as well as feeding the addiction of unhealthily high-reliant kids #processing my own issues via james wilson meta >> #I’m also now realising that this teeters into the horrors of mortality a little bit more than just doomed old man yaoi #i’m sorry i’ve spent a year in the hannibal fandom I forgor we’re not meant to casually drop references to percieved suicide pacts #between our blorblos

[waitineedaname]

i think a constructive hobby and/or medication would fix a lot of characters in mdzs

#mdzs #i think about how xue yang was living a weird domestic fantasy for three years #i think a constructive hobby that didn't involve killing people would do wonders for him #i don't think adderall would fix wei wuxian but it would probably help #same for jiang cheng except with some anxiety meds. it wouldn't fix him but it would help #i think jin guangyao also needs a hobby that isn't directly tied to his perilous status in society #i think he needs to be a dungeon master in dnd #he'd be great at it #though i guess it would depend on who his party is

[seariii]

Hum...

#im just thinking... im okay tho /gen #just thinking about the words the bestie said to me after I told him about my mental health... #particularly a phrase... he just said 'you are already committed' and when i asked what he meant he said 'to life' #its just... idk... it was impressive and had such a weird feeling... sadly i guess i am committed........ 'sadly' huh.... #sigh another important thing was that it was crucial i went back to therapy... i dont really want to tho... #but 'youve been feeling like this for a long time you need help' ... sigh... what i need is... #the future is so scary... sigh... okay #ill put an alarm to wake up earlier tomorrow and work on that! #seari talks #what i need is adderall- jsjsjsjsjs yeah... alr im sleepy time to mimir #tomorrow ill catch up with everything i missed too #also if anyone reads this dont worry pretty person! i got a bit scared/upset up there but its okay #im quite stable right now! at least enough to survive for a couple days! so yup! #miiiight have to look up a new therapist tho... since aside from help i wanna get a diagnosis.... #sigh... but okay that's not for rn seari it's for future seari. rn seari has to go mimir because shes tired #a mimir a mimir pat pat pat

[joonary]

nary i am thinking of u as the mc*t approaches. i know u will do so great as a [redacted university] baddie. u r smart and u r capable and u r so mf prepared. ILY ROOTING FOR YOU!!!!!!!!

HI MJ THANK YOU FOR THE WELL WISHES ILY 🫂.. im at the acceptance stage of grief because i have three midterms on tuesday so i had to put a hold on mcat studies for a bit 🤕 i did do significantly better on my last FL so i think i will come out with minor injuries as long as i lock in properly

#i would leap through a dog agility course for a can of c4 rn #← i said this to my friend yesterday and he said ‘actually i think you might need adderall’ #ask #yoongiphoria #redacted university to redacted university baddie so so real.. meme attached because you also lived through the grad school horrors

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#yet again i fail to convince my counselor i have executive function problems. mostly its bc i dont think well in the moment but also i just #feel kinda weird rn so i was having trouble making my thoughts connect. but i swear to christ i do have problems making my executives #function. i think the issue is im a grad student so i do well in school. not that it matters bc i kno loads of grad students with pretty #god awful adhd. one of my former lab mates was like. Adderall barely made her normal. and yet she was still a phd student #so like. its possible to have executive function issues as a grad student. the problem with me is the obsessive thoughts and self #destructive behavior so to her it sounds like im telling myself that i cant get my brain to work unless i put myself under extreme pressure #rather than i cant get my brain to work so to cope im putting myself under extreme pressure bc if i dont nothing gets done #but like fucking if i try to relax i dont do things. i cant clean my kitchen or my room or take out the trash or do my laundry #and im not like not doing it bc i dont wanna. these things r causing me active distress but i cant flip the switch that makes them happen #ive gotta write a grant proposal. read a paper. and find a paper to discuss by tomorrow morning. i had time to do all of this before but i #didnt do it. y didnt i do it? fucking i dont kno. ugh. whatever. i got refered to a psychiatrist so well see what happens there #i did accidentally set the meeting to when i meet with my advisor tho. oops. also my counselor said it sounds like im a rat running on a #wheel. which is accurate but also a really fucking funny thing to have said abt u. ur r a scrawny neglected lil rat. boohoo. #idk what type of medication she thinks i should b on. like what symptom r we trying to exhaust? the 0cd or the mood issues? #i dont even kno what the issue is. not that i guess it matters. idk. i need to read and write. fucking hell #unrelated

[wickedhawtwexler]

speaking of adhd meds i'm very excited/nervous because my doctor and i are going to talk about switching to a non-stimulant adhd med (so i don't have to cry on the phone to my pharmacist every single month 🥲)

#i've been considering this for a few months and i think now is the best time bc i'm going to be unemployed #apparently it takes a bit to build up in your system. and now it's like who cares i have no job anyways!!! #nonstims don't work as well for most people but this focalin has been doing shit for me even when i've taken two at a time so 🤷🏼‍♀️ #wellbutrin is also an antidepressant which uh. i definitely need currently 🥲 #i tried to get adderall this month so i could be medicated for this job search but it's hopeless lmao. nobody has it. not even my baby dose #and i'm just like. i cannot deal with this right now lmao. if this works even slightly better than focalin i will be happy #m.txt

[music-for-them-asses]

Called my doctor's office again. APPARENTLY they take 2-3 days to send any prescription requests??? I told that clown receptionist that I'm completely out of meds, and she said that it would be completed by this afternoon or tmrw morning. GIRL??? WHAT PART OF "I'M COMPLETELY OUT" DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND???

Also, their stupid office is closed on Fridays, so by the time I realized I needed a new script sent, I couldn't have called them anyway.

I like my psych OK but the incompetence of her office is seriously making me reconsider seeing her. Like, it's a monthly struggle to get my goddamn meds.

#personal #I'm self medicating on coffee today #ALSO fucking Adderall is in short supply and they're gonna wait 3 days to send my script? When time is of the essence?? #Also i think of the angry dome ask the time. i fucking need one

[glass-trash-bab]

I need to fucking redesign my egos again ive been meaning to since April

#im just too Busy and Tired :( #and ive been struggling with anatomy recently also i need to figure out wtf isnt clicking #god i just wanna go back to sleep #why do i have responsibilities :( #oh!!! its also another baby cousins birthday coming up and i need to crochet her a doggy #i think my adderall has been hitting too hard recently. like i havent been able to sleep all week #theres too much shit the world needs to slow down

[nonbinarynightcrawler]

shakes my brain in an attempt to trigger whatever happens during a THC hangover that significantly lessens my anxiety and uno-reverses my executive dysfunction

#like I am not kidding I am dangerously close to having like. a problem #because the “hangover” thing that happens when i take this one tincture is just. absolutely worth how spacey I am #the day after I take it it's like. till 4pm i can just. exist and do things without it taking a million years #and i'm better at communicating and shit because I dont have to run things through 4000 filters first #i think half the answer is “you stop masking” but there's definitely something else there #and i'm furious green cards in this state are not available for anxiety and depression #also my meds doc is definitely against thc and is not quiet about it #i have to write on my chart that I take it recreationally and she makes weird judgy comments every time #she even told me that apparently if you take it with adderall it can trigger psychosis??? which. #i have done some DILLIGENT research and have yet to find any kind of source on that that isn't clearly biased #in the “weed is evil and you're a no good shitty stoner if you take it. have you tried ginger for your anxiety? :))” #might be able to swing it for nausea tho? since nausea is a thing you can get a green card for slkfjsfd #and the anxiety does CAUSE some significant problems including nausea so bad that I used to throw up every other day #but i def need my psychiatrist to back that up and my current one. will not

[sunlightfeeling]

ITS A COVER?!?!? …I MEAN “COVER”?! (since its technically still “his song” with SMAP -its a solo)

OMFG and here I kept thinking “damn…why didn’t they do a proper studio version of this, it feels like it could be so much heavier-sounding” idk why i thought this cuz the session is already super good

ANYWAY HE DELIVERS OMFG AHHHHHHHHHHHH

ALSO: HE MOANED at the end of the SMAP version!? Or someone, but like…it’s def him cuz who else would it be?? and it didnt sound like a generic sound effect that was just shoved in. but also this is just me getting my hopes because i really want it to be him…lmfao what a little shit but the timing was so brilliant 😭 like it can’t not be him because of the timing alone…it happens right when the music takes like a millisecond break, it’s fucking hilarious

I made the mistake of listening to this album while working. I was laughing so hard at Shingo’s and Nakai’s solos but then when I heard that, I knew I wasn’t getting any more work done 🥲

at least now i know to never listen to this album while driving, ridiculously dangerous…lol

They’re actually going to kill me one of these days. my chest still hurts…

#sorry that im like freaking the fuck out over a song #also sorry for talking about his/their music so y’all aren’t even gonna know wtf im on about #i know the accessibility is utter dog-water :( #if you are interested….drop me a dm or something…i might be able to help y’all #BUT THIS WAS A MASSIVE SHOCK FOR ME #and when i tell you that my jaw dropped #IT FELL TO THE FUCKING FLOOR #THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVES ON GWTF IM SO FUCKING HAPPY #I think that I prefer the session actually because the harmonica…holy fuck he is so… #ugh this is awful…need to find more reasons to put on the ‘dislike’ list #getting too unbalanced for my tastes lol #my brain is a fucking shitshow #A HAPPY ONE THIS TIME #can you tell i forgot to take my adderall…?

[giantroboticplatypusbutt218]

Don't mind me. Just drinking a cappuccino while taking Adderall and getting a neck ache after using a posture brace for 20 minutes and deciding to also take Ibuprofen which I choked on but I stopped choking and swallowed it and I'm still in pain and I'm eating chips but everything's fine.

#So much for practicing art for commissions. I got distracted right after putting on the brace and now I'm in too much pain to draw. #I think I need to wait more than 10 minutes before I can say the Ibuprofen isn't working though. #Random Thoughts #Complaining #Also 10mg Adderall is still too low I think. They've got me on child doses or some shit. #I'm gonna be out of money and lose internet and food budget before I can get meds that work. cool.

[itsjustpoopeh]

i also think maybe i should have created sideblogs for my fandom hyperfixations but also i think i might just be hyperfixating on a Potential Organization Project and also i think i might need a dosage adjustment because i want to do all of the things but none of those things are the thing i need to actually be doing

#whew the neurotransmitters got me in their grip #and contrary to popular belief #this does not necessarily mean my dosage is too high #based on prior experience it probably means it's too low #the afternoon dose is a half dose to get me through the evening without fucking with my sleep #and i think it's right at that sweet spot #that my brain is like #wow these things that are fun are SUPER FUN #but these things that are boring are still boring #and of course with brainmeats ymmv #everybody needs different seasoning on their brainmeats #mine needs shockingly high amounts of dextroamphetamine #but not ritalin #that stuff did not agree with me at all don't suggest it #also adderall xr and vyvanse just... don't seem to work at all #it was like taking placebo #a placebo that didn't even give me the placebo effect #brains is weird #for the love of god someone make me shut up #i'm at the point of getting on my own gd nerves #i should have set up leechblock to stop me #problem being when i'm not medicated it's boring and i don't do it #and when i'm medicated i think i don't need it #medicated me is lying i do need it #idk if there's a limit to the number of tags #but i feel like i'm gon test it today besties

[unloneliest]

at the point of really needing to get off my adderall and maybe get on ritalin instead bc on the lowest possible adderall doses i still can't sleep for shit it's 2 in the morning and i took my med at 8 am. but i'm uninsured rn and also moving states. hell

#i think there is a chance i'm experiencing mild medical neglect also because i can tell you for damn sure nobody has ever told me i need #to take occasional breaks from adderall and it's been like 7 years #at least i am not still having untreated thyroid problems w similar enough cognitive effects to adhd that i'm overmedicated to the max and #also drinking daily redbull. two 20 mg rapid release adderalls daily + a redbull was a genuinely insane way to live and i'm so glad i'm #better but jesus christ i'm still not living optimally! #alaska insurance thru the medicare or medicaid will not likely be processed until we fucking. have been living in portland a month #jam posts #drugs m/ i suppose #i just want to be able to sleep during the night and be engaged with my life during the day that's all.

[lovepropaganda]

Alright I made the playlist @kibumkim

So to start off, I put the upbeat hopeful/in love songs and chose Think About Me as the first song which is my absolute favorite to sing to myself throughout the day. The tone shifts when Go Your Own Way comes up and Lindsay Buckingham made that in anger/bitterness about his relationship and breakup with Stevie Nicks who was also in the band with him.

Honestly the production of the album Rumours (their Magnum opus and album of many of the songs I put in the playlist) is so incredibly messy bc at the time, couples in the band were breaking up and divorcing. All of them were fighting and having screaming matches with each other and having realizations about their relationships outside of the band like Mick Fleetwood who found out that his wife who he had two children with had been cheating with his best friend (again, mess).

So while all of this was going on with high tensions and crises amongst them and individually, they decided to produce Rumours as a response to the actual rumors surrounding the band and made the best album while they were at their absolute worst. The song Go Your Own Way really pissed off Stevie Nicks because of how her ex Lindsay decided to attack her and she wanted to kill him every time they performed it and so she wrote Dreams in response which is more mellow sounding but still effective in her response to Lindsay and how she perceived him and I put it right after Go Your Own Way since the two songs are directly connected to each other and for the contrast.

After that are the more angsty and wallowing songs, my favorite being Over & Over where Christine McVie is asking for a small sign from her emotionally distant lover but wondering if it'll even ever come (PAIN). Silver Springs is another song that Stevie Nicks sings about Lindsay Buckingham and... I'm attaching this image bc this is what some people say about the song

but yeah the song lyrics are intense and just... Yeah you'll see soon enough lmfao.

There's another shift in the tone with Songbird which is performed by Christine McVie with a sense of resignation but acknowledging that she loves her constant emotionally distant lover "like never before" and wishing him all the love in the world "but most of all, I wish it from myself" which REAL she was INSANE for that. There's some more resignation and acknowledging the end of relationships with I Don't Want To Know and Never Going Back Again but these songs don't quite have that broody sound from the previous songs and are instead upbeat and very melodic with their guitar twangs.

Little Lies is very experimental in sound similar to Everywhere with Christine McVie once more being the main vocalist with her unique husky but easy sounding vocals. I Know I'm Not Wrong through What Makes You Think You're The One are less heavy and almost sound silly in their lightness and simple lyrics but there's still some value in what the songs try to convey. Finally, I finished off the playlist with Don't Stop which is an incredibly hopeful and motivating song about looking forward to the future. It's very cheerful and one of my favorite happy songs that I listen to cheer me up and improve my mood 😌

#this is a long explanation but i needed to provide explanation and context and also can you tell i actually took my Adderall #like i was supposed to? lmfao #anyways i hope you enjoy it and appreciate my long winded explanation! #lmk what you think! even if it ends up not really being your jam #id like to hear what songs resonated with you

[coffinflop]

i know i say this every time i take one but. i took an adderall and i can literally feel my brain starting to work

#it’s my last one too plz pray for me that i can find a new plug #i only found the old guy bc my roomie was fucking him. but no one i trust sells it #i think my coworker once offered me and i know it’s legit bc it’s their actual prescription adderall so maybe i will…hit them up #oh and i actually did talk to my psych about it but she won’t prescribe me it bc i also smoke weed………Die #jk. i love her also she’s leaving for a new job in february so maybe my next person will #it’s bc weed is very not legal in iowa and she works with addiction patients mostly so it’s her policy that she doesn’t prescribe scheduled #stuff to ppl who use illegal substances. but it sucks bc it IS legal where i actually LIVE just not where i’m prescribed #anyway. i love you stimulants i owe you my life stimulants i wish i had been prescribed you when i really needed you in school but whatever #milestumblr