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storyunrelated · 6 years

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Roller Mobster

I can never remember if I've posted this here or not and I don't think I have so, well, here it is.

Inspired by a combination of this Carpenter Brut song and also a cliched view of all bloodsports in all dystopian fiction but which only really exists in my head. Also nonsense.

This is also where I came up with Evil President Halifax, a one-note dickhead who amuses me greatly because he's just straight-up called Evil President Halifax. He seems vaguely aware of what sort of story he's in, too.

These things amuse me.

PS: Carpenter Brut is getting kinda big now and this is good.

[Only ridiculous bloodsports can keep the masses in check!]

Entrants from all twenty of the Sectors stood in a line, their futuristic gender-neutral tunics resplendent in their bland colours. Surrounding and encircling them was the track, which gleamed.

Last-minute preparations and checks were still underway here and there: the bearings of the roller-skates being quickly tested, the surface of the track re-sheened for the hundredth time, the guns being loaded, the nozzles of the flame-jets cleared, the blood-sluices checked for flow control and things of that nature. The Entrants had to stand perfectly still through all of this, of course, and the audience had to remain perfectly quiet.

The Derby was integral to the fabric of society, for reasons that were ill-explored at best. It was said that it helped to strengthen the citizenry by reminding them of the important part that total submission to the ruling elite played in their continued survival and the survival of society in general.

Of course there were a handful who had the temerity to point out that survival wasn’t actually that hard as there weren’t any external enemies they were aware of and the non-specific conflict that had sundered the world all those years ago hadn’t actually impacted the planet itself that much anyway – no radioactive wastelands, for example.

Those people had preference when it came to their children being entered into the Derby. If they didn’t have children they were politely and forcefully encouraged to have some as soon as possible so the original threat would have more weight. Surprisingly, this often worked. They were probably just being polite.

The hush that suffused the arena deepened as the president of the Grand Unified Peaceful Allied Alliance (GUPAA) entered, accompanied by lackeys, gophers, advisers, hangers on and the various other useless persons that a person in such a lofty position tends to acquire. Like shit acquired flies.

Evil President Halifax (his official title) waved lazily to the gathered crowds as he took his seat in the Presidential box. The camera drones buzzing about made sure to capture his most sinister angles and blew them up all over the Magna-Screens so that none could escape his gaunt, unnerving countenance. The effort he put into looking the way he did was considerable. Image - while not everything - was very important..

His duties at the Derby were largely ceremonial, but he enjoyed them all the same: look disinterested by everything that happened to further drive home the pointless futility of the spectacle and enforce a general sense of helplessness in the population. After all, he had it within his power to stop it, and if he chose not to even when he seemed not to enjoy it what hope could there be for freedom?

It was good fun. Pageantry was Halifax’s favourite part of the job, really. Again, image.

With the president in place it was time to begin. The Entrants were introduced one after another as soaring music blared from enormous speakers dangling from the cavernous arena roof. Often the music was so loud it drowned out what was being said but it was unlikely anyone was missing much. Just the standard spiel about whichever Sector the Entrant was from, when that Sector had won the Derby last, what their blood type was, what their perfect Sunday was and so on. One by one they were locked into their starting blocks.

There followed the anthem of the Grand Unified Peaceful Allied Alliance; a slow, ponderous dirge that infrasonically ground down even the merest trace of anything approaching hope or joy. The words to it were primarily concerned with how without the benevolence of the Corpo-State every single person in the arena would be dead, naked and in a ditch. Or words to that effect, it was sort of hard to make out of the constant, low droning sound of the Terror-Organs (which were rather like normal organs, only far more terrifying).

Once the anthem had finished it was time for Halifax’s commencement speech. Rising from his seat he approached the Presidential Microphone (like a normal microphone, but capitalised and far more sinister and imposing), relishing the sight before him - a sea of terrified face staring up at him. Just like every year. Just like he pictured in his head anytime he felt down.

“Loyal subjects of the Grand Unified Peaceful Allied Alliance, again we come together as an allied alliance to witness the cream of our youth engage in brutal bloodsports to remind all of you that resistance is pointless and your lives mean nothing to those in power. Let us begin.”

In previous years Halifax had put more effort into his speech. Some years it had gone on for hours, specifically just to see how long he could drag it out. Five hours was his record, at which point he’d got bored and by which point a good number of the audience had collapsed from exhaustion (and been dragged outside to be beaten, as was only to be expected). Today it was mostly just a case of rubbing the faces of those present in how hopeless their situation was and getting it over with.

He sat back down again and waved lazily at someone who was presumably in charge, signalling that it was time to get the ball rolling on another year of murdering children. Nominally for the sake of enforcing order but mostly because by now it was just tradition. Too much effort to stop it now.

His gesture was seen by those managing the event and in a flurry of clipped communication and barked instructions through walkie-talkies the signal was given to begin.

And so the Entrants were off.

At first it was, of course, chaos. It was always chaos at first. The event was intentionally overloaded with Entrants so that the start became a bloodbath of tangled limbs and panicked teens and this year was no exception. Those furthest up the side of the track and most at the mercy of its camber were the first to topple, they in turn taking out those below. Only those closest to the inside managed to escape the landslide of struggling bodies, leaving the others behind.

They had good reason to move quickly. The hazards that the Entrants had to contend with were released in waves and the first wave was always only a small delay behind the Entrant's own start time. Sure enough, with barely anyone managing to wriggle their way out of the body-pile the first wave was set loose.

Heavily armoured and wielding Cruel Cudgels (cudgels designed by science to be as vicious as possible) the Roller-Goons came skating out from their deployment gates, whooping their bloodthirst as they swooped in towards the Entrants - a living tide of proper nouns and violence.

They immediately set about pulping the heads of any Entrants still within reach as those on the furthest side of the pile redoubled their efforts to claw free. Everyone involved was screaming. The Entrants in terror, the Roller-Goons in delight. The audience was deathly silent. All they could do was watch.

Those Entrants that had got away in good time lapped the pile and did not slow down. A few Roller-Goons who hadn’t managed to get prime spots for beating children to death took lazy swipes at those who sped past but their heart wasn’t really in it.

At least one Entrant strayed a little too close and caught a cudgel to the gut, flipping over and cracking their skull open on the track to whoops of approval from the Roller-Goons and a tiny, unseen fist pump from Evil President Halifax. The impact had been tangible, the sound exquisite.

By now the initial carnage had largely run its course. Those killed were dragged off the track by Corpse Handlers and those who had got free were now speeding around with the rest of them. The wounded and the ones too slow to get away properly quickly joined the ones being dragged off and stacked up for incineration.

The second wave of threats was then triggered. Portions of the track gave way to reveal spike-pits, blades swung out from above and jets of flame burst from hidden ports. Traps, basically. The unwary and those simply in the wrong place at the wrong time experienced the traps first hand and results were messy, if spectacular. Even a Roller-Goon caught the wrong end of some fire, crashing into a barrier in a screaming fireball much to everyone’s enjoyment.

Through all of this there was one Entrant in particular who, little by little, started to bring more attention to herself. Her skill on the skates was unlike any that had been seen in years. No trap got close, no Roller-Goon - who by now had all started skating as well - could hope to catch her. She handled herself as though wheels were more comfortable than feet. She was a natural. Born to roll. Halifax narrowed his eyes and steepled his fingers.

“She’s a wizard on the skates!” One of his advisers gasped, earning a frightful glare from Halifax. If there was one thing he couldn’t stand (there were many, but some stood out more than most) it was hushed, awed reactions of the hidden skills of the Entrants in the Derby. That sort of thing never ended well for anyone, and had very nearly brought his predecessor’s administration to its knees.

Halifax wasn’t going to let any nonsense like that happen on his watch. With a subtle tip of the head to one his emotionless, starkly-clad retainers he had the adviser quietly removed and neck-shot. Neck-shooting solved a multitude of problems, Halifax found, and never, ever had any repercussions or negative consequences vis damaging his authority or the loyalty of those around him. Why would it? Who would lose respect for an employer who made a habit of regularly murdering those working for him? It was unheard of.

“That one. Where is she from?” Halifax asked another of his advisers. There were always more of them to hand. They seemed to crawl out of the woodwork whenever he had his back turned. This one in particular seemed especially obsequious and fawning. They’d go far.

“She is from…” The adviser said, scrolling rapidly through the pad they were holding. Halifax held a hand up though, stopping them from continuing.

“Wait. Don’t tell me. She’s from the poorest, most run down, furthest-away-from-the-capital Sector, isn’t she?” He asked. He had a gut feeling, and his gut was rarely wrong. It was a presidential gut of the old school, and had instincts beyond those available to normal guts. It was better than normal guts.

The adviser scanned their pad, unsure if they were supposed an honest answer or not. A stiff look from Halifax jolted them into action and they panicked, telling the truth. They hadn’t been advising long enough to have learnt how to suppress this reflex.

“Uh...yes…” they said. Halifax grunted, another nod of the head seeing this adviser dragged off screaming just like the last one. Another expertly delivered neck-shot followed Halifax revised his earlier opinion - they wouldn’t go far.

“Always the bloody underdogs…” Halifax muttered. “And always a teen girl. Why is it always a teen girl? Why do we even let them in this event anymore? Nothing but trouble.”

Meanwhile, on the track, the Entrant continued to amaze - while also display a dazzling combination of personal strength and emotional depth. She shed tears for her fallen, tragic childhood acquaintance whom she’d only just realised she’d truly loved, but she didn’t stop moving to do it. Weeping tastefully she continued speeding around the track, spinning beneath blades and somersaulting over charging, cudgel wielding Roller-Goons.

“I also love you!” Said some other Entrant, speeding up beside her. This came as something of a shock to her, though not as much as his death seconds later. She’d hardly known him, yet somehow felt as if she’d known him a lifetime. Then she concentrated on continuing not to die.

President Halifax sighed. Someone always fell in love with someone. Kids. It got a bit predictable really. Not that it mattered much. He would bring this inspiring, drama-filled charade to an end. Turning to his seat-mounted request unit he pressed the largest, shiniest button.

“Release the Roller-Hounds!” He roared. Unnecessarily. He hoped whoever was on the other end had had their ear right up to the speaker at the time.

At his command a siren blared, a light flashed and a heavy metal grille pulled up and out of the way. From behind it came a ravening park of slavering, barking dogs, all equipped with dinky little canine roller-skates. They tore onto the track with a fury, most skidding wildly out of control and ending up in a thrashing heap where the track tilted, but a handful got moving properly and set off to chase the irritating, still-crying, still perfectly turned out girl.

“The Roller-Hounds are always a safe bet,” Halifax said to himself, idly stroking his exquisitely maintained beard of evil as the hounds closed the distance.

While the hounds themselves could sometimes prove hit-or-miss, the sight of a hitherto irritatingly graceful Entrant being torn to screaming bits by a pack of dogs was never something Halifax would willingly pass up. He usually went to sleep listening to playback of it from previous years. He couldn’t really drift off without it nowadays.

Glancing back over her shoulder the girl saw the Roller-Hounds bearing down on her. The tiny little rocket set into the rear of their tiny little roller-skates gave them a speed advantage she simply couldn’t overcome on her own.

“The inevitability of her vicious mauling by dogs is symbolic of the inevitability of failure for all involved!” An adviser exclaimed, drawing a disbelieving look from Halifax.

“Yeah. That’s sort of the whole point. Do you want to get shot in the neck?” He asked. The adviser rapidly shook their head, paling. Halifax returned his attention to the track.

“Then don’t talk again. For at least a month,” he said, fingers steepling once more as his eyes returned to the girl. The first of the dogs leapt through the air and Halifax found that he couldn’t help but grin.

Of course it wasn’t going to be as easy as that.

Almost in slow-motion (though in actual fact it barely took a heartbeat) the girl smoothly spun in place, ducking beneath the dog which tumbled end over end with a yelp. She was still spinning though, her forward momentum carrying her on along one skate as her other leg shot out. Like a flail she knocked aside the dogs as they closed in, sending them all sailing away from her like they were nothing.

“My God, she’s mastered the Minovski technique,” breathed someone nearby, utterly overcome by awe. Halifax spread his hands.

“I will have everyone here executed if so much as one more person expresses even a shred of admiration for the Entrant down there. Okay? No more hushed tones and no more appreciation. In fact everyone just be quiet. Next person who speaks and isn’t me gets to be food for the Roller-Hounds.”

That shut them up, but did little to slow down the girl who had stopped spinning and was now just continuing to skate. Nothing slowed her. Not Roller-Goons, not the handful of remaining Roller-Hands, not the traps - nothing. Even as the other Entrants were whittled down to single digits she remained utterly unscathed. The release of the Roller-Bats (bat with roller skates, natch) didn’t even register with her. It was like she didn’t care.

Already there was a rising sense of expectation from the audience. A barely-suppressed murmuring. Halifax had seen this sort of thing before. It always ended the same way but it was always annoying when it happened.

“There’s always one. Every year there’s always fucking one,” he hissed, pinching the bridge of his nose. It was starting to feel like a bad joke. Every year there always the underdog. Never the kid who practised, almost always the girl, invariably driven to some idealistic pronouncement towards the climax of the event and unavoidably being very irritating up until the point Halifax had them shot.

This year he really wasn’t willing to wait.

Reaching over again to his seat-mounted request unit he flicked open a plastic cover and pressed down on the angry red button marked ‘Purge Track’. The still-skating girl had a second or so to register the blaring alarm and flashing lights before the whole of the track dropped away, depositing anyone and anything still on it into the suffocating, grinding darkness beneath. She did not have time to scream.

There was uproar in the crowd at this breach in protocol - and, you know, murder of someone who had been doing so well - but Halifax couldn’t have given less of a shit and lazily motioned for some guards to open fire randomly into the audience until they stopped whining. He didn’t stick around to watch the results.

“Next year no more teen girls, alright? Just boys from now on. No-one gives a shit about boys and they never make trouble like this,” Halifax said, striding away from the Presidential box with his advisers clustering around him and struggling to keep up. Then he frowned and came up short, remembering something.

“But then there was that maze stuff. That had boys and they made a mess. Fuck. Fucking kids. You know what, fuck it - bombs in the all the skates. And all across the track. And fucking spikes. And guns in the spikes. Just make sure we have a way that I can press a button and kill anyone making a problem. I’m so sick of this ‘figure of the resistance’ shit every fucking year.”

He glared around, daring anyone to contradict him or make suggestions. There was silence, apart from one adviser quietly taking notes on their tablet. This Halifax actually appreciated, but he wasn’t going to tell anyone that. They’d go far. Probably.

With a final, extra-hateful round of glaring Halifax stomped off, shoving aside anyone careless enough to get in his way and even veering off a little just to have people to shove.

“I’m going to my evil Presidential yacht and if anyone calls me anytime in the next week I’m just blowing the country up I don’t give a fuck.”

END

#Roller Mobster #Short #Short story #Amwriting #Writblr #Writeblr #Writing

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trendingnewsb · 6 years

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What Does Anxiety Feel Like? (Types and Symptoms of the Invisible Killer)

At some stages in their lives, as many as 40 million US adults will experience anxiety disorders. That figure, from a report by the Anxiety & Depression Association of America can practically be doubled when taking into account cases of anxiety from around the world.

Yet despite impacting the lives of so many people from across the globe, anxiety remains a misunderstood illness, particularly among two key groups of people: Those who aren’t sure whether the debilitating symptoms they’re experiencing are a sign of anxiety or not; and those whose friends and loved ones are living with anxiety.

Whichever camp you fall into, those first throes of an anxiety disorder are enough to set your mind racing with questions:

What does anxiety feel like?

How do I know if I actually have it?

What can I do to stop an anxiety disorder ruining my life?

What can I do to support someone else with their anxiety?

Here, we’ll look into the answers to all of the most common questions about the causes, symptoms and solutions of this most misunderstood of mental illnesses.

Anxiety vs. Anxiety Disorder

The most common misconception about this illness is that all anxiety is bad. The truth is, a little bit of anxiety can be helpful.

If we start to get anxious about an important exam or a job interview, for example, that’s our body’s way of reminding us that we should do all we can to be prepared and ensure we get the desired outcome.

This is a gift left to us by our ancestors who needed anxiety to trigger a fight or flight response when faced with all manner of wild beasts and dangerous situations that threatened their very survival.

Today, the dangers we face are unlikely to involve potentially being torn limb from limb by a wild beast, but we do still need the fight or flight response to help us make decisions about the best way to survive. If the building we are in catches fire, for example, anxiety is the thing that says “Hey, you know what? We’d better get out of here!”

However, problems arise when our brains and bodies start acting as if we are in a burning building even when we are perfectly safe. In other words, when the level of anxiety we feel is disproportionate to the danger (or in most cases lack of danger) we are in.

When this happens, we are faced with what’s called an anxiety disorder, which can take many different forms.

Different types of anxiety disorders

Whilst a number of common symptoms can occur with all types of disorders, it would be unhelpful to simply give you one blanket answer to the most important question we are addressing here: What does anxiety feel like?

The truth is that different anxiety disorders occur for different reasons, typically bringing about their own (occasionally overlapping symptoms). If we’re going to tackle your anxiety or that of someone you care about, it’s helpful to look at some of the most common anxiety disorders in turn.

General Anxiety Disorder (GAD)

This is the most common form of anxiety disorder. It’s what a lot of people typically think of when they think of anxiety. Affecting one in five American adults at some stage in their lives, GAD is typically more common in women, but that doesn’t mean to say men are immune from it.

Unlike other forms of disorders which can be triggered by a single situation or event, GAD usually leaves you feeling anxious about lots of different things on a regular basis, possibly even every single day.

Experts suggest a wide range of causes for GAD, ranging from an imbalance of Serotonin and noradrenaline to traumatic experiences and substance abuse, though it frequently occurs for no specific reason.

What we can be certain of are the signs and symptoms of General Anxiety Disorder. At a physical level, these can include:

Shortness of breath

Tight chest

Muscle tension

Irregular heartbeat

Insomnia

Trembling or shaking

Meanwhile, the mental and emotional side of GAD can leave you feeling restless and permanently “on edge,” as though your body were overrun with adrenalin. Some people with GAD also report feeling a general sense of doom and despair, or even anger.

Panic Disorder

As the name suggests, someone with a panic disorder will have regular panic attacks even if those attacks aren’t triggered by anything in particular.

Panic attacks can be intense, coming up on you seemingly from out of nowhere and completely paralyzing you.

Though the fear and stress that arise when you go through a panic attack can be incredibly powerful, it’s the physical sensations of an attack that are the most overwhelming. These sensations might include:

Feeling choked or short of breath

Hyperventilating

Feeling like your heart is pounding so hard it might burst through your chest

Chest pains

Tingling sensations/pins and needles

Ringing in your ears

Dizziness

Feeling incredibly hot and sweating.

The intensity of these physical changes can be terrifying and leave you feeling like something terrible is going to happen to you. The good news is that although it may seem as though an attack is lasting forever, most dissipate within twenty minutes and nothing bad will happen to you as a result.

Social Anxiety Disorder

Not to be mistaken with simply shyness or an introverted personality type, Social Anxiety Disorder is a crippling fear of social situations. This doesn’t just mean big occasions like parties or being around large groups, but everyday situations like going to the supermarket or even talking on the telephone.

Experts have suggested that this disorder, also known as Social Phobia, can be caused by a combination of both physical and environmental factors ranging from an imbalance of Serotonin (the brain chemical that regulates mood) to a past history of being bullied or sexually abused. However, like most mental health issues, an exact cause remains largely unknown.

What we do know, is what Social Anxiety Disorder feels like. People with this order usually feel an immense amount of dread about situations which involves interacting with other people. This may be so bad that they avoid such situations altogether.

If you have Social Phobia and you do go into social situations, you may have the overwhelming feeling that people are watching you all the time, or be constantly worried about doing something embarrassing.

Other common symptoms include:

Avoiding eye contact

Low self-esteem

Feeling sick

Feeling incredibly hot and sweating

Trembling and shaking

Panic attacks

Phobic Disorders

Social phobias are typically classed as a phobic disorder, as are some of the more widely-known phobias such as Claustrophobia (fear of small spaces) and Arachnophobia (fear of spiders). Any persistent fear and avoidance of a specific thing or situation can be classed as a phobia disorder, particularly if it impacts a person’s ability to function on a day-to-day level.

Though we often think of phobias as “irrational” fears, this isn’t always the best word to describe them. For someone living with this disorder, the phobia is often the result of a traumatic event, making it -to them- completely rational.

What does anxiety feel like in this case?

The most overwhelming feeling is, of course, that of absolute fright when confronted by the fear-inducing object or situation, even if it’s only a picture, video or someone talking about it. This fright can manifest itself physically, often in the form of a panic attack, with much of the same symptoms as listed above.

In instances where the phobia is so bad that it limits a person’s ability to function and enjoy life such as social phobia or agoraphobia (fear of open spaces), it can also lead to crippling depression and other long-term issues.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Thankfully, much more is known about PTSD these days than there was just a few years ago. It is now widely regarded as one of the most crippling of anxiety disorders.

As the name implies, PTSD is caused by going through an incredibly traumatic or stressful event, often leaving the person to experience night terrors and/or flashbacks.

Given the high number of military personnel reported to have PTSD, it is tempting to think of it as only affecting those who have served in combat, though that isn’t the case. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder can impact those who have experienced a wide variety of distressing situations including:

Sexual abuse

Domestic violence

Terrorist attacks

Road traffic accidents

Robberies and assaults

Along with vivid re-experiencing of the traumatic event itself, PTSD symptoms also include:

Insomnia

Hyperarousal (being constantly on the lookout for threats)

Difficulty focusing

Becoming isolated and withdrawn as a coping mechanism to avoid feeling the pain of PTSD

What can I do if I (Or someone I care about) Have an anxiety disorder?

Anxiety disorders are treatable, and there are lots of things you can do to stop anxiety from impacting your quality of life. Here, we will look at some of the most common anti-anxiety activities, strategies and techniques you could put to work from today.

Self-help tips

1. Limit caffeine and alcohol

Both substances can lead to heightened anxiety and even cause panic attacks.

2. Try chamomile tea

Chamomile tea has wonderful soothing properties that can make you feel calm and relaxed, and even help you sleep.

3. Exercise

Never underestimate the power of getting active when it comes to combating anxiety.

If social anxiety disorder means you can’t face hitting the gym, you can always start with a gentle walk, riding a bike or even practising yoga at home.

That said, anything that gets you out in the fresh air is going to do you the world of good. Any chance you can take to get active outdoors will boost your mood and leave you naturally more tired. This can be very helpful if your anxiety is causing you insomnia and other sleep issues.

4. Try breathing exercises, yoga, and/or meditation

There’s a reason so many mental health professionals recommend breathing exercises and meditation to combat anxiety — they’re incredibly effective.

Youtube is full of videos offering breathing and meditation techniques, though if you are feeling up to it, you might want to consider finding a local meditation or yoga group. The chances are that you will find other people who joined for the same reason as you did and can build a valuable support network of people who really ‘get it.’

Treatment

5. Talk to your doctor

Depending on the type of anxiety you are dealing with, some doctors may write a prescription for powerful medication that can reduce anxiety. Of course, not everybody wants to go down the route of getting medicated, but that shouldn’t stop you from making an appointment.

In fact, for many, visiting the doctor can be the first opportunity they get to open up about their issue. This in itself can be a big help. Your doctor may also be able to make a referral for other forms of treatment, such as therapy.

6. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT)

Highly effective in tackling anxiety disorders, CBT is a directive, hands-on approach to therapy in which your therapist will help you develop useful skills and strategies for managing and reducing the impact of your anxiety so that you can live a fulfilling and happy life.

Anxiety doesn’t have to control your life

Though anxiety may feel like an all-consuming terror tearing through people’s lives, even at its worse it can’t physically kill anyone. That said it can control your life to such an extent that it kills off any sense of enjoyment or fulfilment that you would otherwise get from being alive.

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Far from being an invisible killer that keeps you locked up inside your own home (or, worse, inside your own mind), anxiety can be controlled, reduced and even eliminated entirely.

One day, one step, one moment at a time, you too can free yourself from the clutches of anxiety and begin to really make the most of life in a way you may never have dreamed possible.

Featured photo credit: pixabay via pixabay.com

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sarahburness · 7 years

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How I Healed My FOMO and Started Saying No

“When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself.” ~Paulo Coelho

My sister-in-law returned to Montreal after spending three months in Portugal. She told me that the biggest adjustment to being back was spending twenty minutes in the pharmacy aisle deciding which shampoo brand to get because the options were endless. She missed life in Portugal, where she only had one brand to choose from.

Ah, the paradox of choice.

I am a recovering indecisive person. I used to stand in line at restaurant counters, telling people to go ahead of me with their orders because I couldn’t make up my mind.

What if I got the poached eggs on cod cakes but the French toast with apple butter was really the way to go? At least with brunch menus you can order both and split it with a friend, but it gets a little trickier when you’re talking about plans where you can’t be in two places at once, but you still try to be.

When I was invited to four different Halloween Parties in my twenties, I attempted to go to all of them! I didn’t want to have FOMO (fear of missing out), so I spread myself thin trying to do it all by making an appearance at each party—always with one foot out the door.

The downside to saying yes to each of my friends was that I wasn’t able to be fully present for just one person. I felt scattered and rushed to get on to the next party, and I left each of my friends feeling like they weren’t important enough to commit to.

The other thing indecisive people like me used to say is, “I’ll try and make it.”

Really? You’re going to try? We both know that probably means you’re a no show. Why don’t you just say yes or no? To quote Yoda from Star Wars, “Try not. Do or do not. There is no try.”

I used to rush to say “YES!” to every offer that sounded good at the time. “Yes, I’ll be part of the book club,” “Yes, I’ll help you write that grant,” “Yes, I’ll launch a rooftop garden project,” “Yes, I’ll help you move,” “Yes, I’ll do a full day workshop for free and not get to talk about my business.”

I said yes so many times I felt like I was spinning plates. Running around like a crazy person trying to please everyone, I wondered, “How did I get stuck with so many commitments?” (Ahem…well, Myrite, you did say yes to all those commitments).

It was as if I didn’t know any other option but saying yes. That was until one day I met with a fellow coach to see if she was interested in co-creating a program with me. I ran the idea by her expecting her to say yes right away (as I would have!). But when we finished the meeting she said, “Do you mind if I sit with this and see if it’s a yes?”

What? Say that again? These were new words to my ears. I had never heard of that option! I didn’t know that you could say that! It opened up worlds of possibilities.

First of all, I respected her more for saying she’d have to think about it than if she rushed to please me with a yes. And it also taught me that I could give myself the time and space to sit with a choice to see if it was a genuine heartfelt yes or if I was saying yes out of guilt or obligation. Just so you know, saying yes out of guilt is a definite no-no.

I also used to be so afraid of what would happen if I said no. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, but what I realized is that when you say yes to other people at the expense of yourself, the hardest person to disappoint is really you!

If you’re so concerned with what other people might think if you say no, then ask yourself whether you’re making other people’s needs more important than your own. Just like kids who throw a tantrum when they don’t get what they want, you can expect that when you start to bravely and gracefully stand your ground and say what you want instead of what others might expect of you, you’ll get some pushback. But that is part of living a brave life. .

So here are some suggestions from my recovering people pleaser heart to yours, whether you’re indecisive, have FOMO, or rush to say yes.

1. Learn how to be okay with disappointing some people.

As Oprah so eloquently taught me, “In order to live a brave life you have to be okay with disappointing some people.”

When you say no to someone else, you are saying yes to yourself. That’s progress for a people pleaser. Instead of worrying about other people’s needs, take care of your own. As Brené Brown shares, one minute of discomfort in telling someone no is better than a few years of resentment in saying yes to something you don’t want to do but feel obligated to.

2. Create space before responding.

When someone makes you an offer, before you say yes, try slowing it down. Take the time to check in with yourself and say “let me get back to you.” Or, “Sounds good! Let me sit with it and ill let you know by…” Or “Let me check my calendar/check in with my partner and get back to you.” Then make a choice: yes or no. Don’t sit in the in between or try and do both. On that note…

3. You are not a magician.

(Unless your name is Merlin, in which case I apologize). But if you can be in two places at once, that is a miracle. If you can be fully present in both places, that is a double rainbow miracle.

The thing is, when you try and be in two places at once, you are setting yourself up for feeling split, torn and neither here nor there.

Stop splitting and start choosing. Choose to be pulled by the loving choice that makes you feel like your best possible future self—the choice that makes you feel lighter, more expanded, more of the you that you want to show up as if you were living your brave life full out.

4. Trade your “I will try” to “I will.”

What are you really saying when you say “I’ll try?” Is it a way to get yourself off the hook, so you don’t have to be responsible for committing to anything? Trying only works when there is conviction behind it. When you mean it with commitment and effort. But when you use “I’ll try” as a scapegoat for “I wasn’t planning on showing up,” that’s when you get into trouble. You’re trying to use the easy button and replace “try” for the scarier “no.”

So here’s my advice: Don’t say try when you really mean no. Start by practicing saying “no thank you.” And if it is a yes, then commit by saying “I will.”

5. Realize there is no wrong choice.

I have to keep telling myself this over and over when I’m torn between topics for which programs to launch next. Every time I am torn between choices. I am learning to just choose one. Start with that.

Whether it’s a brunch order or Saturday night plans or a job offer. Choose one and stick to it. If you really don’t like it, you can leave, quit, or try something else, but at least start by choosing somewhere to focus your energy for now.

Give yourself permission to choose and know that there is no wrong choice. What If whichever experience you will have is exactly the one you are meant to be having in that moment?

Some choices will lead to positive outcomes; others will lead to more painful lessons. But not choosing will mean living in regret. Let not choosing no longer be the acceptable default choice, my dear, and see what kind of magic you create.

About Myrite Rotstein

Fullness Coach and Pattern Disruptor Myrite Rotstein helps women stop filling up with food, people pleasing, and self-doubt and learn to fill themselves up from the inside out, so they can stop dimming their light and remember their ‘nuf'ness.’ She leads monthly Fullness Circles to help women elevate one another, speak their truth, and spark connection. Visit her at myriterotstein.com.

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The post How I Healed My FOMO and Started Saying No appeared first on Tiny Buddha.

from Tiny Buddha https://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-i-healed-my-fomo-and-started-saying-no/

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adambstingus · 7 years

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10 Fun, Cheap Date Nights You Can Have At Home (That Aren’t Netflix)

How often have I babbled on about the importance of keeping the romance alive in your relationship? Im not trying to be annoying or repetitive, but it is important! I am a firm believer that religiously practicing date night on a regular basis is crucial to relationship health. Let me be mores specific. Im not talking about a double or triple date where the conversation is flying six different ways. I do love those group dates with my favorite couples, but I am talking about the importance of one-on-one dates with your boo. Setting aside quality time to spend with your hubby with no distractions is like an apple a day for your relationship.

To keep these date nights interesting, youll want to mix it up and try new things. Obviously, date night has the potential of becoming a very expensive activity. Try hitting up Groupon and Living Social for not only cheap dates, but dates you would have never thought of yourself, like flying trapeze classes or a painting class at a local bar. But for those of us that arent rolling in the dough, these internet deals can still be a splurge. Dont worry, I am here to tell you that you can still have a date night every two weeks (or once a month, whichever you fancy) at home and on a budget. Here are some creative ways to make your date night romantic, entertaining, and low cost.

1. Living Room Camping

This is one has sentimental value to me. When my fianc and I first started dating I was going through a rough time in generally and the bad days at work didnt help. When Id had a particularly crappy day, I would come home to find a good old fashioned fort in the living room. The outside was made with sheets and furniture; inside he made a comfortable cushioned floor using pillows and comforters. We would take refuge inside the fort and forget about all of our problems. Dont knock it until you try it! Use your fireplace or some candles as a mock campfire, roast some marshmallows and tell ghost stories. How does that not sound like a good time?

2. Outdoor Dining

If youve got a nice or even just a clean backyard, use it! Set up a small table for two outside complete with candles and a bottle of wine. Put on some nice background music and have a good old fashioned backyard dinner. Its very romantic. Unlike eating on patio of a restaurant with twenty other couples sharing your moment, this makes for a very private and intimate setting. Think your backyard or patio doesnt have the ambiance needed for outdoor dining? An easy fix is to hang cheap outdoor lights. Its amazing how one detail can work wonders on setting the mood.

3. Boudoir Photo Shoot

Okay, so if you are a little more on the reserved side (cough, prude, cough), this one may not be your cup of tea, but hear me out before you rule it out completely. Date night is supposed to be all out coming together with your significant other and getting intimate. I think this is pretty intimate, not to mention fun for all parties involved. Start by choosing a designated back drop like a free wall, a hanging sheet, the bed, etc. Pick a few different pieces of lingerie to change into. Give your guy a camera (prob best if its not a camera phone, dont want these pictures accidentally getting posted on Facebook or Instagram), and let him take control of the photo shoot. Youre the model, he is the director. Enjoy (insert winky face here).

4. Wine Tasting

If you and your guy are wine-os, youll love this one. Use your kitchen table, bar, or coffee table. Set out a few different bottles of wine and glasses. Make sure to set out some food that pairs well with what youll be drinking, think cheeses, veggies, bread, etc. No food equals getting drunk way too fast, passing out early, and a nasty hangover. That being said, take your time as you would if you were in Napa on a rustic vineyard. Swirl, sniff, sip, and then discuss your opinions on flavor and stuff. Obviously I am not well educated on wine specifics, but you dont have to be to enjoy this. Its just you and your boo, no wine snobs to make you feel dumb. If you are a wine snob, great! Youll have fun with this one too and there wont be any amateurs to slow down your night. Remember to light some candles and put on background music!

5. Game Night

Game night can go one of three ways and Ill leave it up to you to try one or all three. The first is nostalgia game night. Choose your favorite childhood board games (mine are Candy Land and Operation) and laugh at the memories over a bottle of wine or your favorite beer. The second is adult game night. This includes a more grown up version with games like Cards Against Humanity. The third is x-rated game night. Go to your local sex shop or search online for an intimate adult game. There are tons to choose from involving blind folds, melted chocolate, and roll of the body part dice. Whether you choose PG, x-rated, or all three, game night with your handsome babe is sure to be loads of fun.

6. Project/Craft Night

With all of the hours we spend pinning cool crafts on Pinterest, this option seems very appealing. But please, for the love of god, do not make your significant other do something he will hate like knitting or scrap-booking. Choose a house project youve been meaning to get around to or a fun project you can both be involved in. Make sure this is an activity that interests BOTH of you, not just you and not just him. Youll also make sure this is something that is more fun than it is hard work, remember you are doing this as a date. Order a pizza or take out and of course you can add alcohol to the mix if you fancy. Put on your favorite Pandora station and get to work. My man and I did this as a date night with a painting I had seen on Pinterest. It was a hand painting in which each family members hand was in a different color and the prints were all over the canvas, overlapping each other. It looked really cool, so we tried it and of course included the dogs. It was interesting night to say the least, dogs and paint can get messy. No matter, now we have a somewhat decent piece of handmade art to hang in our home.

7. Karaoke

Yes, Blake and I have done this and it was so much fun! We didnt plan on it, it just happened. We started one night with tacos and margaritas, an hour later we were taking turns on the Play Station 3 mic and singing our little hearts out. A bit of heads up, this may not be the greatest idea if you have close proximity neighbors who dont like crappy singing and loud music. If you can, do this! Such a great way to let loose with the one you love. Not into singing? No problem, make it a dance party instead. Im not a video game person, not in the slightest, but karaoke and dancing games are perfect for this. We have Sing Star and Just Dance for Play Station. If you dont have these games but want to try them, check your local rental store or RedBox. You wont regret this one!

8. Spa Session

I know what youre thinking, my manly man wont even get in a bubble bath. First of all, that sucks for him. Second of all, he will end up truly enjoying this one if he approaches it with an open mind. Okay ladies, dont torture your men! No tweezing, waxing, or anything else that is painful and/or will change his appearance. Thats how youll send him running and screaming out of the bathroom. Instead, make this a relaxation effort, not a make over. Run a warm bubble bath with salts and scented oils. While youre waiting for the tub to fill, start with a face mask. I like the warming ones, they immediately send my mind into relaxation mode. Help your beau apply and rinse off his mask. Slip into the tub together and just relax and talk. For added romance, carefully place a few candles safely around the tub and bring a glass of wine for each of you. Just dont get so relaxed that you fall asleep, because after the tub youll want to move it into the bedroom and take turns giving each other back massages. Stop by a body shop like Bath & Body Works for some aromatherapy massage oil. Best spa session ever.

9. Cooking Class

I know I said in home and I meant it. When I say cooking class I dont mean attending an actual cooking class, I mean doing your own cooking class with just the two of you. Find a recipe from a cooking magazine, book, or show that sounds delish to both of you but neither have any experience with cooking such a dish. You will work together, sharing the tasks at hand. And I mean for you to cook an actual gourmet meal, not Mac & Cheese from a box, no matter how much you crave it sometimes. This is your date night activity, so have some fun with it. Put on your aprons and help each other chop, season, and stir the ingredients. When youve completed your edible masterpiece, its time to dig in. Sit down to a table set for two and cheers each other to your cooking accomplishment.

10. Star Gazing

Its back outside for this date night. Sometimes all you need is star-filled night sky to add that little extra bit of romance. If you have a cozy backyard (and ideally a fire pit to keep you warm), take a thermos filled with hot cocoa or spiked cider, a blanket, and your loved one to do some star gazing. Do some research before hand and make a game of trying to spot certain constellations. If you have a stable flat roof, set up some lawn chairs and enjoy the view from up there. Be careful getting on and off your roof! No back yard or accessible roof? Take a stroll down to your local park. Odds are, it will be deserted after dark and the jungle gym style toys make for great seats.

No matter what you choose to do on your date nights, make sure you are focused on each other. Make it about you two and nothing else. Hopefully Ive inspired you to try something new with your partner in crime. Maybe one of these unique date nights will start a spark and youll be truly glad you branched out. If nothing else, simply relish in the company of your loved one.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/163476190967

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samanthasroberts · 7 years

Text

10 Fun, Cheap Date Nights You Can Have At Home (That Aren’t Netflix)

1. Living Room Camping

2. Outdoor Dining

3. Boudoir Photo Shoot

4. Wine Tasting

5. Game Night

6. Project/Craft Night

7. Karaoke

8. Spa Session

9. Cooking Class

10. Star Gazing

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/

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allofbeercom · 7 years

Text

10 Fun, Cheap Date Nights You Can Have At Home (That Aren’t Netflix)

1. Living Room Camping

2. Outdoor Dining

3. Boudoir Photo Shoot

4. Wine Tasting

5. Game Night

6. Project/Craft Night

7. Karaoke

8. Spa Session

9. Cooking Class

10. Star Gazing

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/07/27/10-fun-cheap-date-nights-you-can-have-at-home-that-arent-netflix/

0 notes