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deadmantalking117 · 7 years

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BETTER LIVING THROUGH CHEMISTRY

I've had a very long and weird relationship with drugs. Ingesting or injecting hundreds of different chemicals into my body in an effort to fix one problem or another. A lot of time the results were some whole new problem. My brilliant newphew recently sent me a list he'd come across. It was dozens of drugs used to treat the various forms of IBD. all the different gut issues. My first shock was how long that list was.. 5,6,7 Dozen different drugs. Maybe a hundred even. My bigger shock was how many I had personally taken. That made me think of some of the others that I'd had to take for OTHER issues. I gave some thought to trying to list all the drugs I've been on over the years... but I just can't! Maybe one day.. but I just don't have the mental strength to stare down that dragon. So I'll just give you a brief history of some of my more unusual experiences. So you can began to see what might be in store for you as a newly diagnosed diseased maniac. Some of my favorites... IV CONTRAST I'm 13.. in the hospital for a whole week so they can figure out why a kid has gotten full blown migraines for years. Go for a routine xray. And they push in some IV contrast...and I can't breathe.. at all. At first I flop around like a fish. But in seconds I'm going under. Everything is going black. A doctor grabs my IV.. injects something into it... and it's like he injected air right into my lungs.. whoosh! I take several deep breaths while a nurse is massaging my chest. I learned a new word.. anaphylaxis. A severe allergic reaction. A 13 year old shouldn't have to know the word anaphylaxis! PREDNISONE AND SOLUMEDRAL Steroids used for Crohns and Arthritis.. and Cancer.. plus bunches of other things. They are a Godsend for lots of problems. But there are issues. Steroids are really bad for bones over the long haul. If I get older I will likely break bones easily. Like standing up and SNAP! easy. But an interesting side effect are the emotional issues. Steroids make your brain go to weird places. Some nights when I first get put back on them.. I don't sleep.. can't shut off the flow for a second.. too sick to DO anything.. just think.. fast. Once in the hospital I was on a bunch of IV steroids.. and for an hour, I just sobbed uncontrollably.. no reason, no emotional connection. Just trying to have a conversation with Kat or the nurses, and tears are flowing. But I couldn't make it stop. Another time at work.. I yelled at my manager for almost nothing, then stormed out. I Quit! After I calmed down.. I had no idea why I got mad to begin with. So lots of apologies. Lots of explaining about Steroids. Fortunately I have understanding friends. REMICADE I've mentioned Remicade before. For lots of people its a wonder. For some of us, a nightmare. Every couple months I'd go to the hospital to the chemotherapy ward and spend 6 hours with the cancer folks getting transfused. After about a year, I was having serious Arthritis issues. Everything was bad and I was having real mobility problems. My Rheumatologist seems completely useless for months.. lots of tests.. no actual help..as it got worse and worse. He confirms that I have RA in my hips, hands, and knees, but thats common with Crohns. And I already knew that, thanks for the new copays! My hands were turning into claws. I can barely walk. After a horrible afternoon where I tripped in my bedroom and then could not find a way back up. My daughter comes over pulls me up and takes me to the ER. A massive dose of Steroids (Godsend) and I'm almost like new for a couple weeks. But the crippling comes right back. My Sister begins sending lots of articles on line about how people are suing the manufacturer of Remicade. For the exact same problems I am having. So I called my doctor immediately and said I had to quit my next infusion.. and about 6 months later.. I'm almost back to normal. I still have damage to my hands that you can actually see.. to this day..but overall.. I'm ok. One last issue. This stuff costs something like $14,000 per dose.. for me.. that would've been between $64,000 and $100,000 per year. My wonderful doctor had to arrange a special dispensation from the manufacturer for me. TYLENOL! As I've said before. I've been on many different narcotics over the years. And honestly have never had any negative consequences from it. Only positive. I've written about this topic a bunch, and I know there are millions of people with real problems as a direct result of using narcotics... but that ain't me. I once was talking to a neighbor who was a nurse, and commented on how I was able to take lethal doses of narcotics without even getting a buzz.. not even a little buzz.. nothing. Bummer man. She says " that's soooo dangerous!" Why? I told you that I don't get high? It's just like you taking a bunch of Tylenol! She says "Tylenol IS the dangerous part!" Say what?! Most prescription narcotics, Vicodin, Percocet, Darvocet, many others are really giant Tylenol pills with other stuff thrown in. Your liver has to work overtime to deal with the Tylenol. The more you take, the more damage you do. It's like an alcoholic with cirrhosis. But without the fun parts. I was taking a dozen pills a day.. sometimes more. My liver is fine now, but I only take meds that don't include Tylenol. Mostly. It's a fine product. Just don't overdo it. 6MP One of the things they toss in to your treatment plan when other things aren't working. There are drugs like Asacol, that are usually the first "go-to" drugs. But every body is different, and some people do well with it, others like me don't seem to respond to any of them. After a few different drugs, none that made any real difference Dr. Feelgood says "we can try 6MP!" 6MP is the street name for a long chemical formula (google it if you want the real name) but the deal is this.. for some reason, it seems to do a good job reducing inflammation and Crohns flare ups. With one little drawback, it will probably give you Leukemia after a while. I'm in my late 30s, and I believe I'm going to be dead by 40. I'm sick all the time, and nothing helps. So yeah, why not? I tried it for several months, but since it too, wasn't really doing anything useful I moved on the next thing. Fortunately I still don't have leukemia. Why are doctors always trying to give me leukemia!? That's my short list, I'll probably come up with others as we go, but I wanted to use these stories to give you a couple of very important tips. GET ALL OF YOUR PRESCRIPTIONS FROM ONE PHARMACY All pharmacies have a really good system in place that check for multiple drug interactions. A pharmacist can tell you if prescription A will cause a problem for illness B. If you bounce from pharmacy to pharmacy... the right hand can't know what the left hand is doing. (See my comments about pharmacy hopping below) You could die because Doctor X prescribed you something that doesnt go with what Doctor Z just gave you. Interactions are now automatically flagged by the computer. Using one pharmacy solves that issue. Which leads me to something I've talked about before. Pharmacy hopping is a common practice for people who are drug seeking. They figure that they can get drugs easier if this place doesn't know that they're getting drugs from that place too. But thats getting harder as the data base is improved. Part of what the AHCA or Obamacare tries to accomplish is better communications among all doctors and pharmacies. So less and less people can get away with drug seeking behavior. That can go a long way towards curbing the opiod epidemic. It's also one of those pesky nuisance regulations that Congress is now trying to get rid of. KEEP AN UPDATED LIST OF YOUR MEDS ON YOU AT ALL TIMES. In you wallet or purse.. always. Its probably good advice for everyone, but especially for we diseased maniacs. A list of every prescription, vitamin, supplement, cream, suppositories. Anything besides food that you put in or on your body. You need the name, the amount, how often you take it. Be sure that every doctor you go to has the exact same list. When any one doctor changes or updates something.. tell every other doctor ( next time you see them...don't get weird). So very important! You don't want to have to try to remember this stuff off the top of your head while being wheeled into an emergency room. My wife just pulls out her copy, says "here! It's current." That's all. At each Dr appointment I pull out my copy.. hand it to the nurse.. " here! Its current." Easy peasy. TRY TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TAKING. Most people I think are just like me. Your doctor hands you an official looking piece of paper... you give it to a nerd behind a counter. You take your pills. Most of us just kinda do what we're told. Who am I to question this guy? He has a medical licence.. the white coat.. the clipboard. He seems to know what he's talking about. The nerd behind the counter seems ok with it. So who am I to question? You're the one who has to take this new chemical! It's very likely that the doctor does know what he's doing.. they usually do. You need to make him aware of what the other doctors are doing! Plus those holistic herbs from Tibet that your grandma says you "Have to try!" Everything. Spend a little time on the interwebs.. google the name of your prescriptions.. its so easy. Read a little of the overview. WebMD has a complete database if every prescription out there. Look up yours.. take 5 minutes to get a rough idea what this is. Its important. Go to those support sites I keep advising you to check out. See what others, who take the same prescriptions, have to say about it. Just ask! To be a successful diseased maniac... the kind who actually survive their particular ailments. Requires a little effort and some education. Make the effort, get educated. You're life is worth the effort. Be well my friends

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voxplusherizes · 7 years

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April Ramble: Eye Troubles, Hair Uncertainties, and Doll Instanity

I’m gonna try to do a monthly update about stuff from now on.

So, Lots of stuff has happened. and at the same time lots of stuff ...hasn’t...happened.

Eyes:

I’ve finished Erasii’s mouth and right eye. However, my confidence with dealing with resin came back to bite me in the ass. Severl years ago, i tried to start a project where i would make large plushes (like Erasii’s size with a wildly different pattern) or all the remnants and i started with Azur. I didn’t get past sewing the arms and legs, and thats because i started on the eyes right away. I used the exact same methode as this time: sculpt an eye from polymer clay, make a mold, cast the eye dome, attach a photo of the eye behind it. Simple. easy. Lmao. Nope. I recall casting three eyes and every one of the had bubbles. every one of them was cloudy. one was very sticky. I gave up back then, and the project was since abandoned.

Until two weeks ago, where I thought i’d done enough research to know how to do it right. Except i forgot that resin has a fuckin vendetta against me i swear to god.

The first eye attempt developed holes at the dome, aka: the front of the eye. This irritated me because when i poured the resin, it was super clear for two hours before i checked it and suddenly: a fuckton of bubbles. I havn’t no idea where they came from. So i tried again (also tried to cover the first attempt in more resin after pokeing holes to the bubbles, which.....ended poorly.) and poured another cast. i watched this version religiously, and it was amazeingly clear! I thought it went perfect.....until i went to check if i could remove it after four days of letting it cure and it was still completely liquid. two extra days did nothing. Evidently, I did not stir it properly enough (i call bullshit, i stirred for three minutes. i timed it.) and i had to scoop the resin into the trash and clean the mold. by far the most agaonizeing part of this one was that it was still completely bubbleless like w h y must u hurt me.

By this point, I’m incredibly irritated. Whenever I get the measureing and stirring correct, my cast developes bubbles for no damn reason. whenever my cast doesn’t develope bubbles, it doesn’t cure. I have browsed forum after forum, video after video, did every trick i could find, fallowed the instructions to the T. and still, my resin has failed to turn out.

I am torn, honestly. I am so pissed at my inability to cast resin properly that i’m determined to keep trying to get it right. but at the same time, i’m wasteing resin and not making any imporvments. on the other side, My mom has a coworker who owns a jewlery buiseness with her husband and most of their peices use a really nice clear casting material. I’m wondering if I could ask them if they’d be willing to make me a complete eye as a commission. I havn’t any idea how they make their casts, however (i assume molds, but not sure) so i’m not sure. i’m also unsure if their casting material is a type of glass. I’ll ask about the durability of the material, and keep it as an option if everything else fails.

I currently have a third eye in the mold. i havn’t checked it since i poured it. i’m scared to, thb. i don’t want to be dissapointed.

Dragon:

On a more lighthearted note, If yall rememeber my dragon pattern from a while ago, i started on that plush. Originally i was just going to work on it until i got the rest of the stuff to finish erasii, but since his eye is taking forever and i havn’t been able to get the yarn to the correct length for his hair, i’ve gotten a lot of it done. the wings and batting inside are completely done (witht he exception of turning and sewing the finger details+stuffing) which was the largest part of the project. I started working ont he gold tail decor but i need to pull out an entire side since the peice didn’t match up properly. i was going to leave it, but i dont want her to look ugly int he end so about two hours of sewing earlier are down the drain Lol.

Hair:

Returning to Erasii, for more bad news, I’ve decided I can’t use yarn for his hair. i can’t get it long enough. I also can’t make a wig for him like i wanted to try, because i forgot his horns existed. Instead, i’ve decided to order saran hair. This....doesn’t sit well with me. I was going to try wefts this time, but i dont feel comfortable attching them dirrectly to his head. but i havn’t any idea how else to attach them either. i was thinking maybe glueing? or somehow sewing the hair directly into the head? the bangs and sides are the main ones i want to look nice since the back of erasii’s head is litterally just A Mess of short hair. I dunno. i’m ordering a crapton of hair, so we’ll see what i can do when i have it in my hands.

Dolls:

I’ve made the mistake of watching doll customizations. and i wanted to do one. except i couldnt make up my mind, and now i have three planned whoOPS

The first one is Pumpkin Pie, a pumpkin themed girl I want to make arund halloween. I have an orange body thats faceless and lacking hair bc it was from a create your own monster kit. she’s the perfect starter.

The second one was the original one i wanted to make, Nyoul. My little girly boy with a taste for cupcakes and human flesh. He was the reason i first went through the way-too-big box of dolls my mom and i bought years ago (over 500 dollars worth like srsly.) to find a duplicate to tear apart. but surpriseingly, we didn’t have any duplicates. We have three frankies, yeah, but they were all different versions, so i didn’t feel comfortable tearing any of them apart. Most unfortunately, this conundrum gave me time to lament, during which time i keep peeking at my Gooliope. She’s 17 inchs high, and i loved that size. I didn’t dare ruin her (she’s by far my favorite) so i kept an eye out for other 17 inchers. And as luck would have it, while stopping by toys r’ us the other day, I noticed one in the clearence bin. orignally 30bucks, dropped down to 15. not bad. the reason for this was because the doll (a clawdeen) was a little bit damaged. both her ears have broken bits and theres a lots of weird plastic at the seems. not so good for a child, a miracle gift from the doll gods for me. i expected to feel a little guilty buying a doll away from a potential kid, but because this one is damaged, i don’t. parents would have told a little girl to put this one back and grab another one anyway, so no harm in giving this little misfit a home x3

There are some....drawbacks, however.

Nyoul already requided heavy modification (ie: tiddy-be-gone) and now he needs even more. I was originally aiming for a frankie, since she has a lighter skin tone and no ears, since my concept for Nyoul has him as very pale. this is because his outfit will have a lot of color and having his skin be near-white would allow them to pop like on a canvase. he’s also aupposed to look like a doll, but also sickly. Cute, but not quite right. I’m going to have to cut off the ears (and boobs), and then repaint the entire body. I do feel.....gross, about doing that. it feels insulting and wrong. But if i’m going to put all this effort into makeing him, why shouldn’t i make him completely what I want?

on the upside of workin on him, I get to make a prop eventually! I love doing that! he carries a big-ass axe and long scissors.

Nyoul’s going to be a very long project. This is why I want to finish both Erasii AND the dragon before i even start him. So Clawdeen’s just chilling with her deformities for a couple of weeks Lol.

And lastly.....my ball joint doll.

Years ago, i purched a ball joint doll from someone used. I’ve always loved ball joints, but they were all too expensive. I was so excited to have a BJD at last, i developed an entire design for her that sadly failed to come to be. I had a lot of trouble as a newbie seamstress back then that i eventually gave up, and tossed her into my closet for a few....years.

and then i took her out of the closet and put her in the attic for several more years. I rescued her afew days ago, and i feel super guilty. I never even put her pants or shirt back on!

I dislike the original design i had for her, so i’ve been trying to think of what to transform her into. I was thinking about a demon popstar, so i could make horns and wings and a tail, but....her face doesn’t fit. she has a very serene sad face, lidded eyes. I’m not sure if i could paint her face to make her look more evil or mischevious or a diva. I really want to try tho. I might have to save it for another 17 incher monster high tho. i keep seeing the popstar design with highheels and my BJD has flat feet. and I can’t order new ones because they’re expensive and also i have no idea what modle doll i even have so whoops.

if i do move ahead with that idea tho, i’ve taken inspiration from Sia and Lady Gaga (and Billy Joe Cobra if i’m being embarisingly honest) especially witht he hair idea. a boxy neck length thats pure white on top, but each later under is a different color of the rainbow with some rainbow bangs. She’d also have sunglasses, piercings, tattoos, long fake nails....just so much stuff.

But its a long way before i’m confident to even try to work on her. just holding her makes me scared i’m gonna break her. (even tho i kinda already did, accidentally had to restring her legs bc i dropped a string trying to take her head off.)

Her time in the closet and attic seem to have done something to her faceup. I’ve been struggleing for the past three days to remove it (bc i want to repaint her and also the colors were ugly and she has a stupid little tear on her cheek) useing everything i could. I tried acetone first (i did a test ont he inside of the headcap to see if it’d hurt the resin) and it did absolutely nothing. so then i tried rubbing alcohol, and again nothing. i tried a magic eeraser which finally worked, but not well. i don’t want to try to buy anything else, so i’ve been dealing witht he magic eraser. i’ve nearly removed everything besides the lips, and i honestly don’t think i’m gonna be getting that lip color out of there. I’ve tried to shove some eraser into there and scrub with a toothpick and it did not do anything. I was planning on coloring her lips a dark color anyway, so meh. bonus shadeing.

#VoxRambles #Text #not spellchecked #longpost

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