#by doomed i mean not characters themselves but their relationship bc it feels almost impossible for them to get back to what they had once | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brief-candle · 4 years

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ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴠᴏᴡ - Kyoujurou Rengoku & Muzan Kibutsuji

just........ two more..............

tbh i don’t even know what i’m doing on this site bc none of my posts appear in the tags so i’m just hardcore plugging on my quotev because i gotta do what i gotta do y’know?

series: demon slayer/ kimetsu no yaiba

notes: little to no yandere (mayhaps if you squint you can see some?), major character death, male reader, angst, stuff that probably makes 0 sense, angst, the muzan x reader you have to squint for, most likely ooc, angst.

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ♫ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

The rain didn't seem as if it were ever going to stop that day. Tiny droplets littered the streets endlessly, falling from a sea of murky grey which hung in the sky longer than anyone would have liked. It only seemed to enhance the bitter cold and dubious darkness of that alley.

I remember that alley well, with crumbling cobbled floors and walls with jagged cracks that ran up them like crevasses. Fading greys that mixed with the sky, painting the world in monochromatic misery. People hurrying to seek shelter, not sparing a second glance at anyone who didn't have the same options. Humans truly were miserable creatures. This world of grey truly suited them.

But it didn't suit him. As soon as I met his eyes, I knew they would be my doom.

Golden irises like melted honey, or freshly made butterscotch. Those were the first things I saw, and were what I kept returning to. Even the charm of his strangely coloured hair couldn't grasp my attention from those eyes. A soft amber hue with the intensity of the strongest fires behind them. From the second I saw them, I was utterly smitten. Even if it was forbidden by all means, and could never be forgiven by neither humans nor demons, these feelings only festered with time.

He took me in off the streets, with all knowledge of what I was. I wasn't sure how, or more importantly why, he would do such a thing, but I quickly learned that I would never quite understand Kyoujurou. How he would smile as he talked of his upcoming wedding, yet couldn't hide the dimming of the vibrancy that was so common in his eyes. It tugged at the heart that I thought had long ceased existing. Not only to hear of him being promised to another, but also to see such a crestfallen look in those eyes that had gained my affection.

I knew it could never be. Truly, I did. For not only was I a demon and he a human, but we were also two men. We could never marry, even if these sinful feelings of mine were reciprocated. It was disgusting for me to be most ashamed of this, considering the heinous things I've done up until this point. The countless people I've murdered to please a man of my past. Before, I believed that perhaps I loved him. However the heart is a fickle thing, and so betrayed that emotion almost as quickly as I had betrayed him. Fleeing without any notice, I wound up in that very alleyway and discovered true love just hours later.

Yes, true love. True love that could never be, with so many barriers between us. From every meeting between Kyoujurou and his betrothed, it was obvious that neither were interested. I believe that was what hurt the most, the fact that the main thing keeping me from confessing these wretched feelings was born out of convenience, rather than any form of love. They were incompatible in every meaning of the word, with her iciness putting a damper on his usual flame of excitement. Only in those situations did those flames simmer down into a mere ember, only to spark up again in her absence.

"Do you not enjoy the Lady's presence?" I had once approached the subject in a voice full to the brim of faux dispassion.

He attempted to laugh his usual hearty laugh, but it was almost as false as my previous question's tone. Afterwards, paying no attention to this, he returned with another question: "Why do you ask that?"

His voice held a slight tremble to it, one of nervousness. This was unlike him, so unlike him that this alone evoked in me a strong distaste for the woman.

'Your smile never seems as bright.'

'Your tone is completely different when answering her.'

'Your posture makes it obvious.'

'Your eyes lose their usual warmth.'

These statements, all equally true and clawing at my throat to be said, never came. They hung back, caged in through a tightened jaw and rows of razor teeth. Teeth that had devoured many, and would probably devour many more. And those words would suffer the same fate.

I continued with my task for a minute or so, which was to clean the windows during the night. Looking for something more suitable, I stared at my reflection. Sharp features, dangerous cat-like eyes with a colour that didn't match the softness of Kyoujurou's in any way, shape or form.

It disgusted me, reminded me of what I was. And so instead of speaking the truth to him, which was the least he'd deserved for all his kindness, I turned away from both the window and him.

"A hunch."

He seemed relieved to hear that, as well as chipper that I seemed to understand him like that. But he didn't express that in words, but admitted that he didn't hold any affection for that woman. He wasn't enthusiastic in doing so, but it certainly raised my spirits as well as my guilt. If he could trust me with something so personal as his negative view of his betrothed, then he must certainly hold me in high regard. As someone trustworthy. Yet I couldn't even return such a thing.

As days passed, the wedding drew nearer. And so we had to run around to find the best suits, best flowers, best everything for when the horrid day arrived. Each night I lay awake, never needing to sleep but seeking it more than ever, feeling each day that passed like weights on my chest. Every night I lay there, thinking: 'tomorrow will be the day; I'll confess tomorrow'.

However, every 'tomorrow' came and went like each of the 'tomorrow's before it. With unannounced feelings like chains that tightened around my heart with each sunrise that I cowered from.

Until finally, that 'tomorrow' came.

The confession was hard, and one without words. It was messy, in the heat of the moment, and more human than I'd been in hundreds of years. Vulnerable, weak, pathetic and a complete failure.

Those beautiful eyes of his looked so shocked and cold in that moment, like the melted honey had finally set and would never soften again. Even a thousand blades would hurt less than that moment, and perhaps would make me wish to disappear completely less. So when he pushed me away after I had kissed him, I turned to do exactly that.

I ran away.

It was impossible to not look back, and I did it several times. Wishing that I hadn't done that, so I could have lived on with my life even with those unspoken feelings weighing down on my shoulders. Even if I'd had to show up to the wedding and pretend to be happy, when inside it'd feel like I was being slowly torn apart. To wish for his happiness, even though I knew such a thing was unattainable for such an incompatible couple. Because at least then I could still be near him, and could still be there for him to tell anything to. For him to let out stress through words, or to simply chat with and rekindle his infamous enthusiasm with.

However I'd ruined it all in an act of selfish indulgence, of thoughtlessness. Thrown the relationship that we had cultivated into the gutter in a moment of poor judgement.

Though I wasn't sure what I had thought in the first place by doing so. For in kissing him, I had a vain hope that he would accept these cursed feelings of mine, and we could live happily. However reality is cruel, and so crushed that dream as soon as I had hoped for it, out of spite for my very existence.

When I had stopped running for a moment, it allowed for my thoughts to make themselves known. How perhaps if I was a human, it would all be fine. How perhaps if I was not a man, then it would all be fine. For if Kyoujurou was allowed to marry a human girl, then of course he could not love someone who was the very opposite of this.

Even with the mistake born from my passion fresh in mind, my heart still yearned for more. It yearned to be loved by the man with the beautiful eyes, for perhaps then I would discover both the truest form of love and the truest form of happiness. For only a taster of these had been given to me from being just a friend to this man, which left me wanting more. It was the forbidden fruit, and a trap that I would fall into with open arms. To taste the forbidden fruit, one must first sell their soul to the devil.

And so that is what I did.

The devil willingly took my soul with the broadest of smiles, offering what I wanted for something that he deemed of equal value. To love Kyoujurou without being punished by neither man nor those who feed on them, the thing I must offer would have to be of immense value. However that didn't matter to me at that moment of greed, for my mind was too cluttered to consider any consequences.

Upon encountering Kyoujurou again, the consequences were clear as day. All of the apathy I'd felt towards the idea of any sort of consequences had been replaced with intense sorrow when I met him again; to him, it truly was the first time that we had met, for the thing that the devil decided was of equal value was the treasured memories of our time together. Mine were still intact, but I couldn't decide whether I would have preferred it if they hadn't, for I fear that the tears that threatened the lip of my eyelids were all too obvious.

I wondered if he noticed that look in my eyes when I first met him in that alleyway. The look of awe when looking into his eyes was mirrored in his own, so much so that he barely looked away from them. It wasn't even a minute later that he left the bouquet of freshly cut roses behind. When I saw them, that was when I realised the day.

It was his wedding day.

I wasn't sure whether it was relief that I was just in time, happiness when he embraced me or the lingering sadness that forced the tears down my cheeks. However the second of those listed seemed to win when he didn't pull away from our second kiss. Or our third. Or when we went further.

It was bittersweet, really, to think that he may have never loved the real me, rather than this beautiful shell that harboured all of the best features from my previous form. The thought of him only being interested with this new body of mine left me feeling sick to my stomach, however when he spoke to me those feelings were cast aside completely.

"It's comforting to talk to you," he'd said, "it's like I've known you for a long time."

When he added that onto his original statement, all clues of what to respond with vanished. I was left speechless, utterly astounded, and once more on the verge of tears. His gaze, which was on me, seemed so distant and far away, as if trying to recall something that evades you the more you struggle to grasp it.

I swallowed, exhaled softly, and let out a chuckle that sounded more like a choked bark than anything else. It was an ugly sound, one which I stifled my cringing from with a placid, "that is rather strange... but I'm flattered you feel that way."

To speak like a lady was tiring and required too much thought. Where before I could speak to him however I liked, as the other gender it would be considered rude and crass to do so. Such a thing could drive him away from me again, and that was perhaps what I feared the most.

Perhaps in some aspect he still remembered the time that we'd spent together. Comments like 'you could pass for a boy' from him didn't seem all that offensive to me, considering the context of my situation. Any other woman would have felt disgusted and put-off by such a declaration, but it was hard to feel that way when the thing that I could 'pass for' was what I originally was. Besides, it lay seed for a small flower of hope to begin to bloom in your chest, lay way for hope that perhaps he would gradually begin to remember all the time you'd spent together and all you'd trusted each other with before you'd messed it all up.

But time never allowed for that.

As time moved on, another figure moved into the small lives you'd made for yourselves. You were content, growing to be at some form of peace with your situation before someone from the past emerged.

"Give them to me." He had said, voice like silk yet tone like the sharpest of daggers as he gave his demand. As haughty as I'd remembered, and as beautiful.

"Why?" Kyoujurou's smile never left his face, even in a situation as tense as this. He had no clue what was happening here, or why. The guilt began to eat at me again, for if it wasn't for my selfishness, he wouldn't have to be in such a situation anyway. He wouldn't be standing there in between me and the man, shielding me from him. Though Kyoujurou was no fool (he could tell what was a demon and what wasn't from a mile off), he still voluntarily put himself there.

Though I tried to intercept, to convince Kyoujurou to back down from the rising tensions, he didn't allow it in the slightest, only turning to me with that same smile and the same soft eyes that I adored: "there's no need to be worried, I'll keep you safe."

Even still, I wanted to protest, to cry out that his safety was much more important than mine. However the coldness of the intruder's voice cut off any attempt of that.

"You don't need to know that. All you need to know is that I'll take them either way, except if you resist then you'll wind up dead."

To see him here was both shocking and something I dreaded since the moment I'd fled those many months ago. However I wasn't expecting it now, after all this time. It was foolish of me not to, but I just didn't. I found it much easier and much more enjoyable to indulge in the simple and happy lifestyle, where Kyoujurou and I were the only people in the world.

But out of us, soon it would just be I in the world.

The blood was escaping faster than I could try and slow it to give it time to clot. There was so much; it painted my palms and the outside of my hands, staining my face as I stressed as to how to save him. How could I save him? Could I even save him- was it possible? Was this the hand of fate once more, bringing wrath down upon those who dare to taste the forbidden fruit of love between two people that could never be? Was fate serving justice to me, taking away this man's life as revenge for me ruining it? For tempting him away using the foulest of methods from the life he had been given to live?

Such a cruel thing is something I cannot allow. Not if it results in his death.

Yet no matter how much I tried, what I used to soak up the blood and put pressure on the wound, it just wouldn't stop pouring out. Futile tears emerged once more, as if to evoke some pity from whatever cruel deity was enjoying this image of suffering. Yet even then it wouldn't clot, only slipping through my fingers and staining the ground below him. The ground that would swallow him up if I continued to do next to nothing. But there was nothing I could do! I was no doctor by any means, more used to slaughter than healing.

And so, unable to do anything on my own, I had visited an old friend. One who had helped me out with my poor choices once more.

The devil welcomed me back with open arms and a wide grin, as he had first welcomed me before.

I felt the very structure of my being begin to change. A process so painful that I wanted to scream, though sharpening teeth kept them locked within.

He asked for what I had returned.

My internal structure was tearing itself down only to rebuild itself again.

I asked him, with no hesitation: "is it possible to undo my wish?"

But I could feel it, underneath fingers that begun to sharpen also-

He affirmed that it was possible, only to question the reason behind why I was curious about such a thing.

-his wound was clotting.

I told him of my situation, a brief rundown so as to not waste any time. It was of the essence here, after all.

Such a feeling caused the flower of hope to bloom once more in my chest; a full bloom, full of beauty and without sin.

Very quickly he caught on, coming up with a solution with astounding speed. Not that it was very surprising.

His eyes, the sun beginning to fade from those golden hues, began to regain their light.

This was the devil, after all.

They were just as beautiful as the first time.

He had proposed the solution to me.

With the bittersweet familiarity now running through them, unsure of whether to smile or cry.

To undo my deal and to, in turn, fulfil a different one.

This was a dilemma I was facing myself.

This time, as it was his life on the line, the price was higher.

So instead of choosing, I settled on both.

As he was in such dire condition also,

This time, he couldn't bring his radiant smile to light up his features.

the price would be my life.

Instead, as I collapsed into his arms, he only cried instead.

And I accepted without a moment's debate.

The embrace he held me in was shaky as his body was wracked with sobbing, the demon who almost stole away his life standing a bit away from us with unimaginable anger across his face. He was yelling, staring outraged right at me. But at this moment, I decided that I couldn't care less, for surely in exchange for an immortal life, even he wouldn't be able to harm Kyoujurou.

'Let's meet again,' I had tried to say, but lacked the breath and the energy to do so. All I could do was hope that he understood as I lost the energy to even stare upwards at the tears escaping from kindling irises.

#kimetsu no yaiba x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #kny #kny x reader #kyoujurou rengoku x reader #kyoujurou x reader #rengoku x reader #rengoku kyoujurou #muzan kibutsuji #muzan x reader #kibutsuji x reader #kny muzan

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