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#can i really blame it on the caffine. can i. god i really need to find a new therapist lol i cancelled the old one but
cerealmonster15 · 10 months
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ougugugughghhh i get,,, so embarrassed when i try to be Earnest lol especially w/in the context of like fanart/fic like i LOVE when other people do it i LOVE reading earnest and vulnerable deep fics and seeing intense fanart etc etc etc. but then i do it i feel like i am Going To Be Killed LJFDKSLF SDJFLS
#yknow like??? if i do ANYTHING other than my funny ha ha sillies <-which i love btw. my fave thing to do ever#but if i try something Different i feel like im CRINGE for trying bc im not. good at it??#or like im Trying Too Hard?? I GET SO EMBARRASSED#anyway i got jumpscared by a jami/azu i found from last year#and i mean /i/ like it but. i feel like i would die if i posted it#im p sure ididnt post that one i just sent it to my friend on discord#and then even that still made me Feel Embarrassed lol#SORRY GOD idk why im airing out so much internal feelings today lol#can i really blame it on the caffine. can i. god i really need to find a new therapist lol i cancelled the old one but#havent found a replacement yet jklfjsdl oopsie. but like how do u talk to a therapist about this shit anyway lol#i dont. WANT to tell them about tumblr thats EMBARRASSING#sorry this all boils down to im very insecure and always have been  l o l#like it's FINE ill be FINE im just oughhghghghgh yknow?#i guess im better than i used to be bc. i post way more than i used to re:drawing and writing lol but#i do have fits of panic where im like#🧍‍♂️am i delusional. perhaps my mutuals/followers r just politely humoring me#and i am simply making A FOOL of myself#maybe!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know#not that i think anyones out to get me or anything i just hfhhhshhdhsghf#i lost track of what i was talking about#anyway shoutout to people who r nice sorry i have a hard time absorbing it lol thats a ME problem not anyone else
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h4rin · 6 years
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prompt: hi hi! i love love LOVE all of your writing SO much! specifically the soulmate!chan and changbin aus that you’ve done. i was just wondering if you’ve written any more of those for stray kids (since the latter isn’t linked in your masterlist so idrk if you have or haven’t)? also, would you ever consider doing a jiseong or seungmin one? thank you in advance and have a wonderful day/night! ☺️❤️
word count: 1,764!
a/n: so happy to have posted this!! i’ve been working on it for a while and i finally feel ok about it ^^ i hope you enjoy ~~ also, thank you for the prompt!! jisung might be next, unless i work on another request first, but enjoy!! (i’ll post your ask after jisung, ok? luv u!!)
so in this au
you’re in college
you’re an enviromental science major
and this is your first year!
you haven’t met your soulmate yet
which isn’t super uncommon, tbh
but it is slightly uncommon
just uncommon enough for you to be the odd one out in your group of friends
anyway
the marks change with the generations
so your parents couldn’t see color until they made eye contact
which was really cute
but you? your generation?
you’re incapable of causing physical harm to your soulmate
which is, to say the least
less cute
but it didn’t make it too terribly awful for you to meet your soulmate
if you couldn’t hurt them
they were the one
so you cruised along high school and through half of your first year of college
and by december, you were kinda done with living in l.a.
like, it’s a great city, and you were so thankful for the opportunity to study at the university that you were at
but nothing was happening
so you started looking into studying abroad
you were looking at thailand!
since they had a lot of english speakers, it really seemed to be your best bet
almost as soon as you applied, you were accepted
...and then you got sick the week before you were supposed to be going
which, of course, was the worst case scenario
so your friend was stuck taking care of you while you were moping about
because you couldn’t go and see the world when you had planned to
(and because you didn’t get your money back wtf college)
but then your friend got sick
like as soon as you got better
wtf
so y’all quarantined yourselves
in your dorm
(lucky you had a solo, right?)
but your friend was, sadly, a caffine addict
so one day, she sent you out to the closest coffee shop on campus, just to get a few coffee-y things
and, since you were a good friend
(and since you got her sick)
you begrudgingly went out and got her the coffee
and holy shit, it was busy
you were kinda shocked at first, but the main thing was, nobody was really ordering???
people were just kinda chilling around the shop, avoiding leaving??
as far as you were aware, there was nothing terrible going on around campus
and there was nothing to suggest that there was any type of deal or competition in the cafe itself
so you were vastly confused
until you saw him
holy shit
he looked like an angel??? and he smiled every time he took someone’s order, and wrote their name on the cup in such an amazing way --
okay, [y/n], b r e a t h e
you’re up
so you managed to get through your order, only stuttering once or twice
(you blamed it on being sick recently)
and then he looked up at you
with those glittering, amber brown eyes
and there were tears in yours oh my god
“[Y/N]?” he paused for a second. “oh, sorry, it’s just...i think you’re friends with my friend felix?”
and you and felix had had a few classes together before, and you had bonded over some dumb shit, so yeah, you would consider the two of you to be friends, so you nodded
“i think he talked about you before, and you seem cool. we should hang sometime!” you nodded because this aNGEL WAS STILL TALKING TO YOU
the next minute or so was honestly a blank, you were recovering from his existence near you
like,, how did felix not tell you his friend was the MOST BEAUTIFUL PERSON TO EXIST
buuut you were less salty when you heard seungmin, as you learned his name was, called your name out for your order
and you were nervous, okay? this was your first time meeting him, this was your first impression, so this would make or break you
and you’re an idiot
and you ended up holding the cup too tight
causing the cup to burst
on your and seungmin’s hands
which?? was weird.
the cup in question had your name on it, and you could’ve sworn you asked for a hot drink??
but it wasn’t hot
it wasn’t cold, either
or warm or cool
it just felt...wet. not any temperature, really
well, maybe room temperature
it wasn’t even steaming on your skin
while you were focused on that, seungmin was apologizing profusely
“ohmygod, i’m so so so sorry,” he insisted, “i’ll get you a new one, i’m so tired and that’s no excuse i just --”
“it’s okay, seungmin,” you interrupted him
“it...it doesn’t hurt??” he questioned
“no?” you responded, not totally sure how to respond
“oh.”
he awkwardly handed you the other drink, and you stood around the counter for a moment while you waited for your drink to be remade
the cafe, oddly enough, was silent
uncomfortably silent
you could feel everyone’s eyes on you
seungmin handed you your drink again, this time more carefully
“again, i’m so sorry,” he repeated
“no, no, it’s okay,” you repeated
you walked out the door, your heart beating fast
like,, holy shit, you just saw an angel
your friend looked at you weirdly when you got back
like, you were covered in coffee, probably hot coffee, but you seemed okay
a little dazed, but okay
but she was sick as hell, so she just kinda mumbled “coffee” and sipped on it, eyes closed
the whole thing was sort of forgotten, especially after you showered quickly and changed
as if it never happened
by the next week, your friend was better, and you weren’t sick again, and you’d drank a lot of coffee
like, an intense amount
but you hadn’t gone back to that shop
for some reason, you felt weird about going back to the shop you’d seen seungmin at
you honestly hadn’t felt that way about someone in a long time, if ever
and you didn’t know how you felt about that
he was nice, yeah, and he put butterflies in your stomach
but you had a soulmate out there somewhere, you knew that
and you didn’t want to risk that
but, damn, seungmin knew how to make good coffee
something was drawing you to that coffee shop again, and you could only avoid it for so long
so, one day, your friend essentially dragged you to the little shop
...she didn’t know about the thing with seungmin, you figured it didn’t matter to tell her
your connection to him was through felix, so it wasn’t like the two would connect
...right??
sadly, you were wrong
as hell
“oh, hey, [y/f/n]!” seungmin exclaimed as soon as the two of you. “and [y/n]! it’s been a while, how are you two?”
you froze, while [y/f/n] sort of...paused for a second. “oh, seungmin? french last year, right?”
“yeah!” he responded. “prenez-vous toujours la classe?”
“non,” she replied with a sad smile on her face, “j'ai dû abandonner.”
you were immensely confused, but just kinda dealt with it. they spoke in french for another minute or so, and then when they stopped, your friend ordered for the two of you
luckily, not in french
he offered to bring it to you, the cafe being less busy than usual, and the two of you graciously accepted
it only took a few minutes, but, while you were sitting, you and your friend started discussing random things
specifically, the two of you decided to tell the stupidest story you could come up with
bonus points for it being unrealistic
so you started going bullshitting, making something up about a rat you’d seen that was thiiiiis big
(you stretched your arms out as far as you could to make your point)
...hitting seungmin in the chest, spilling your coffee, this time, on him
the heat very clearly rose from his chest, steaming a little bit in the cold air
but he didn’t seem phased beyond being wet now
“sorry about that!” he apologized
“no, no, it’s okay!” you insisted again
“i’ll go get you a new one.”
your friend kinda looked at you weirdly as he walked off, his head cocked slightly to the side.
“what?” you asked quietly
she raised her eyebrows. “didn’t he spill your coffee on you last time? and it didn’t hurt?”
“yeahh…” you responded, trailing off. “why?”
“and you spilled your coffee on him this time, and it didn’t hurt him.”
“yeah? so?”
“dude, what if he’s your soulmate?”
“there’s really no way to tell.”
she cocked her eyebrow again, sipping at her coffee. “yeah, there is, and you know what you have to do.”
begrudgingly, you followed seungmin to the back, where he was trying his best to get the coffee off of him, while simoutaneously making your new cup.
“do you need help…?” you asked quietly.
he shook a little bit, obviously surprised, but nodded a little bit.
“yeah, if you want. can you pull a cup out of there? and a few packs of creamer. maybe some sugar, too.”
you nodded, immediately doing what he asked. “so, i have a sort of weird question.”
“i’m sure i’ve heard weirder,” he promised. “what’s up?”
you thought for a second about how to ask him. finally, you took a deep breath, mentally preparing yourself to switch schools. “[y/f/n] thinks we might be soulmates, and she told me to test it. did the coffee hurt you?”
“no, it was really more...annoying than anything. just kinda...wet. it didn’t hurt you the other week, either, did it?”
“no. how would we even test this? i-if you want to.”
“yeah, i’m down to.” he paused. “slap me,” he suddenly said.
“what?”
“if it hurts, we’ll know! c’mon!” he grabbed your hand. “please?”
you paused. “i...okay.” you tried to relax your shoulders, ready to grab ice when it inevitably didn’t work.
then you did it
you smacked him
not too hard, your handprint showed up for only a split second
but enough to cause pain to anyone else
but, aside from moving his head slightly from the pressure, he felt nothing
“holy shit,” he whispered, staring at you intently
your breathing was heavy before you wrapped him  in a hug
whether you usually would or not, you  did this time
that was one stressor out of your life
you knew your soulmate; the person you’d spend the rest of your life with
and you had honestly never been so happy to have been sick
or to need coffee
just
woah
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