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#i guess im better than i used to be bc. i post way more than i used to re:drawing and writing lol but
cerealmonster15 · 10 months
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ougugugughghhh i get,,, so embarrassed when i try to be Earnest lol especially w/in the context of like fanart/fic like i LOVE when other people do it i LOVE reading earnest and vulnerable deep fics and seeing intense fanart etc etc etc. but then i do it i feel like i am Going To Be Killed LJFDKSLF SDJFLS
#yknow like??? if i do ANYTHING other than my funny ha ha sillies <-which i love btw. my fave thing to do ever#but if i try something Different i feel like im CRINGE for trying bc im not. good at it??#or like im Trying Too Hard?? I GET SO EMBARRASSED#anyway i got jumpscared by a jami/azu i found from last year#and i mean /i/ like it but. i feel like i would die if i posted it#im p sure ididnt post that one i just sent it to my friend on discord#and then even that still made me Feel Embarrassed lol#SORRY GOD idk why im airing out so much internal feelings today lol#can i really blame it on the caffine. can i. god i really need to find a new therapist lol i cancelled the old one but#havent found a replacement yet jklfjsdl oopsie. but like how do u talk to a therapist about this shit anyway lol#i dont. WANT to tell them about tumblr thats EMBARRASSING#sorry this all boils down to im very insecure and always have been  l o l#like it's FINE ill be FINE im just oughhghghghgh yknow?#i guess im better than i used to be bc. i post way more than i used to re:drawing and writing lol but#i do have fits of panic where im like#🧍‍♂️am i delusional. perhaps my mutuals/followers r just politely humoring me#and i am simply making A FOOL of myself#maybe!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know#not that i think anyones out to get me or anything i just hfhhhshhdhsghf#i lost track of what i was talking about#anyway shoutout to people who r nice sorry i have a hard time absorbing it lol thats a ME problem not anyone else
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risingsunresistance · 2 years
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:D so glad you like the Mola designs! the pretty colors make me happy too :)))) another really pretty deep dive is visible mending and sashiko/boro stitches (if you get deep enough you will know those terms are contested and/or problematic but they are the only words we have that the moment). idk how much you are into textiles (probably less so than i am lol (most people are)) , but if you ever wanted to get your hands busy in addition to distracting you mind, i highly recommend visible mending as a task that is both satisfying and also keeps your favorite clothes from ending up in a landfill :D Happy web diving! -textile anon
visible mending looks soooooo fun but i have had a HORRIBLE time trying to sew in the past. i just dont think im coordinated enough for it :0 i like the way it makes clothes look tho, and i'd much prefer keeping well-worn jeans than having to toss them out
idk much about textiles but ark rlly enjoys sewing and stuff! i personally barely know the names of fabric types, so i'm definitely unfamiliar with styles and techniques, but even if i dont know much they're pretty cool and i like hearing about them :]
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foxstens · 2 years
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i think i spoiled myself by playing senmomo first
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birdiewriteslit · 4 months
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OMGGG!!! i saw ur post abt luke requests and im so glad i did bc i have also had a terrible poseidons daughter!reader brainrott
could you write smth about luke and pd!reader sneaking out to go on a date and then getting caught and sassed out by percy?? 🫶
yes ofc! we love persassy here
luke castellan x daughter of poseidon!reader
warnings: just persassy and a make out sesh
for the sake of this fic let’s pretend that curfew and harpies don’t exist at chb
The knock came at 10:30 pm. You were feeling very lucky in that moment that Percy was a heavier sleeper than you. You tiptoed to the door, opening it slowly and as quietly as possible.
The moment you turned to face Luke after closing the door with caution, his lips were on yours. You pulled away before he managed to convince you to continue right there in front of your cabin.
“Luke!” you whisper shouted. “You can’t do that here.”
He grinned, bringing both hands to your waist, squeezing once. “What? I can’t kiss my girlfriend?”
“Your secret girlfriend, and no, not until we’re at least fifty feet away from the cabins,” you reminded him.
“Stop pretending you don’t want to,” he said, teasing.
He was right, you were pretending. You were flustered by the kiss, and he could tell. You kind of hated how good he was at knowing and how he was even better at making it worse.
“Let’s just go,” you said, not looking at him as you grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the beach.
You eventually made there, getting stopped by Luke’s advances on you every once in a while. He settled next to you on the sand, and tugged at the string on your hoodie. “Can we make out now?”
You gave him a look, one that he knew didn’t actually mean no, even though you tried to make it look like you were serious. “Damn, give me a second. Why’re you so desperate tonight?”
“Because I love you,” he said plainly, swinging an arm around your shoulders and pressing a kiss your cheek. “And I haven’t seen you all day. Is it a crime to miss you?”
You rolled your eyes even though you were blushing. “Stop being so sweet.”
“Stop being so beautiful,” he countered, wasting no time in dropping his head down to meet your lips. You brought your hands up to his face, cupping his cheeks and deepening the kiss.
He shifted your legs over his lap with his free arm, the other one pulling you even closer, his fingertips grazing over your hair.
You let your fingers tangle themselves in his curls, slightly tugging at them. He let out small noise, curling his hand around your neck and running his thumb along your jaw. “Oh, Luke,” you moaned into his mouth.
“So, I’m guessing this isn’t the way to the bathrooms?”
Your brother’s voice made you spring away from Luke, pushing him back with your palm on his chest.
Your face was burning as you made a large effort to not make eye contact with Luke. “Percy, you know where the bathrooms are.”
“That’s beside the point. What are you doing with this freak of nature?” he asked, quite seriously, as he folded his arms over his chest.
“Freak of nature?” Luke protested, but Percy held up one hand to silence him.
“Didn’t ask for your input.” He gave Luke a dirty look before turning to you. “Are you going to explain yourself? Hm?”
“We’ve been seeing each other,” you said, looking cautiously over at Luke. “For a while now.”
“A while? You’ve been settling for this pervert for a while?”
“Settling isn’t the word I’d use.”
“Pervert isn’t either,” Luke added unhelpfully.
“Well, judging by what I just walked in on, it’s the one I would use,” Percy said. “Come on, Y/n, let’s go to bed, which is where we’re supposed to be because it’s nighttime.”
“But-“
“No buts! Let’s go.” He turned on his heel and started to walk away.
“And here I was, thinking he liked me,” Luke said despairingly.
You stood, wiping sand off of your pants. “He’ll come around,” you reasoned.
“Please, give me one more kiss before I have to say goodbye forever,” he said dramatically, taking your hand and rising to his knees.
You giggled. “You’re so weird.” But you still indulged him, leaning down to press your lips to his.
“Stop doing that!” Percy shouted in the distance.
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orphicdreamers-wp · 4 months
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Girl Of My Dreams — Mat Barzal
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Summary: In which Mat Barzal inadvertently falls for the oldest Hughes sibling and her brothers aren’t happy.
Content Warning; Taylor swift 1989 isn’t by Tay(its by reader) Mentions of University of Alabama (reader went there) Trevor Zegras being hopelessly in love with reader. Readers social media face claim is Addison Rae bc idc she’d clear as a WAG for a athlete.
Pairing: Mat Barzal x Hughes! Reader.
Mat would be lying if he said he didn’t sneak glances at the announcers box after meeting you. You had been carrying a plate of food and two margaritas to your booth where your friends sat. Tito had made a joke about you seeming familiar then the pair heard your voice and knew, “Alright now, eat up because y’all are bumming me out.” Mat’s jaw slacked, “He’d known that the Islanders had gotten a new game announcer who was a girl but he wouldn’t have known it was you. You were effortlessly stunning, you had captivated the attention of every straight man in the bar. Mat had approached you as you sat at the bar, “I’m Mat, can I buy you a drink?”
You grinned and spoke, southern accent slipping out, “I’m Y/N, I mean Barzy after the way you played last game? You better buy me a drink. ‘Yknow how many hate comments my broadcast got?” Mat grinned as the bartender approached you, “Another Corona Light and whatever she’s having on me.” You grinned sheepishly, “I’m fucking with you. I’ve heard worse.” Mat grinned, “So now would probably be a shitty time to ask you out?” You smiled at him, “Maybe not.” Mat smiled, “If I may, your not from New York are you? Where are you from?” You grinned, “I grew up in Toronto with my 3 younger brothers and moved to Alabama for college and been in New York for a few months now.” Mat grinned, “Well welcome to New York beautiful.” That was a year and a half ago. You still hadn’t told your brothers who your boyfriend was, just that his name was Mathew. Until your album release came creeping in and you wanted to go public with Mat.
Instagram
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ynhughes; my album ‘1997’ is now streaming! thank you for all your support(especially the bf, ‘slut’ and ‘suburban legends’ are 4 us)
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barzal97: celebrating you is my favorite pastime. i have never met someone who people gravitate towards more than you. you are by far the most wonderfully amazing woman i know. it is a privilege to say i love you🤎 this past year or so has changed my life. you make living easy and so so much better. i can’t wait to see what the future has in store for you.
trevorzegras: alexa play that should be me💔💔
ynhughes: forever in awe of you mathew barzal. amazed a gal like me is lucky enough to be adored by you🤎
oliviarodrigo; THEY HIT THE PENTAGON!! @conangray
>conangray; told you it was them i saw at radio music hall!
ny_islanders; our roman empire is all the sweet posts for to y/n today🥹🥹
sydneyemartin: brb crying. the purest people in the world. so grateful my girls get to grow up seeing a love this pure that isn’t their parents.
>ynhughes: we adore your girls more than words can express.
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_quinnhughes: my biggest inspiration is out here killing it. in awe of you everyday sissy🥹 thank you for being my best friend from day 1
ynhughes: in a puddle of tears quinny. thank you for always being on my side, even when im wrong.
sabrinacarpenter; hockey players making me ugly sob wasn’t on my 2023 bingo card
elhughes; my first babies🥹 extremely emotional over you all today
>_quinnhughes: we love you momma💕
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jackhughes: 1997 reasons to love my meanie head sister, i guess her bf’s alright
ynhughes: i love you little brat, come visit me and mat!!
>jackhughes: will do, sissy🫡
trevorzegras: i can’t believe she won’t date me 😞😞
>ynhughes: buck up z, your way too young for me. perfect age for @sabrinacarpenter tho!
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lukehughes: the worlds best big sister came out with the best album to date
ynhughes; really feeling the hughes love train today, i need to plan for all of us to be together soon! so y’all can meet Mat!
etnow; this just in; the Hughes brothers have brought tears to my eyes supporting their sister
barzal97: the third picture is actually the most accurate representation of your sister now
>lukehughes; always messing with those darn cats! even if they are on the side of the street.
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forgotteneithne · 2 months
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the mysteriously missing sword of malconaire
just going ahead and putting those comments in their own post (and secretly hoping someone who is better than naming swords than me will think up a good name for lord m's sword!) (and i also just like alliteration ;)
phabblebabbles @forgottenarthur @forgottenbrigit ope sorry now i'm off on another tangent because thinking 1) did lord m have an ancestral sword and 2) did he take it to battle and 3) DOES CASSIMIR HAVE IT NOW or 4) did cillian hide it somewhere after the battle of malconaire?!
lizzydobbs @phabblebabbles @forgottenarthur omg!!! you know lord m has an ancestral sword that he took to battle and died with and honestly I can see it going either way??? ooohh maybe cassimir has it (or thinks he does) but cillian has since taken it from him and cassimir won't notice that it is missing until he goes to use it and it's not there
forgottenarthur @lizzydobbs @phabblebabbles THE ANCESTRAL MALCONAIRE BLADE STOPPP IM SOBBING (i looove swords you guys i love them 'an elegant weapon, for a more civilized age,' as obi-wan says etc <3) but also!! im honestly thinking now that cillian probs ~did take lord m's sword when he died and he probs (secretly) presented it to eithne as the one true heiress of malconaire and IM CREY picturing that ngl but yeah whether cassimir discovered it afterwards? idk?
forgottenarthur @lizzydobbs 'or thinks he does!!!' oooooh omg maybe cillian also had a forgery made by the local blacksmith (im sure he'd be friends w that person and perhaps they kept the secret or whatever? and/or cillian told the smith that the forgery was for eithne to remember her dad by if he didn't trust the smith to keep the secret hahaha) for cassimir and valentina to 'find' on the battlefield bc im sure the sword is an important symbol of the possessor's right to rule etc
so for SURE cillian found that sword considering he was w/ lord m when he died! i love that he wanted to give it to eithne <3 guessing when they all got back to malconaire valentina was like -yoink!- that's a sword for the heir, my precious son, as you can see by this very legitimate and not at all fake signature on this document!
BUT ALSO love the idea that cillian has since -yoinked!- that sword right back and has it hidden somewhere! (i'm sure aoife would try to hide it under the floor boards if she could!) i cant imagine cassimir drags it out much? (i'm sure he has his own swords he prefers-- plus it was with the man he had a complex relationship when said man died?!)
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dinsdjrn · 10 months
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things that haven't happened yet | javier pena
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javier pena x bottle girl!f!reader
summary: they kept everything professional, but some things change. [w.c 2.8k]
warnings: 18+, smut and angst, reader is an informant in danger, oral (f recieving), fingering, dirty talk, unprotected p in v, ambiguous ending ig (?) as always if i missed something lmk!
a/n: anyone else have the i can see you brain rot rn... bc i have 17 requests i could have written but this came out of me instead... please be gentle with it im... strugglin to post.
main masterlist
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It was the early hours of the morning as you walked briskly through the streets after your shift. You kept your head down and all that you could hear was the soft rise and fall of your breathing. You weren’t walking fast enough to warrant heavy breathing, but you did carry information that made your chest rise and fall as if you had sprinted to the familiar apartment.
You rasped on the door three times, no answer. You knocked again, harder this time. 
It swung open and revealed a very tired Javier Peña.
“What the fu- what are you doing here?” 
“I’m sorry I didn’t call, but this can’t wait,” Your eyes shifted over your shoulder. 
He studied your face for a moment before bringing you in.
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“And you’re sure the information is good?” He raised an eyebrow at you.
“As good as my life, Javier.” You let out a shaky breath. 
“Shit,” He spoke to himself. 
“I was the only one in there with Diego and Felix. They don’t trust any of the other girls,” You chuckled at the irony of everything. “They think they’re all sleeping with you.” 
“And you?” He said. 
“Nobody sees me as more than the bottle girl who won’t put out. I’m the only one that knows, and I know it’s information you can use. It’ll put a target on my back, so it would be a really great time for that visa you promised me.” 
He turned rubbing his hand across his chin and made his way to the phone against the wall. You shifted uncomfortably, knowing that if the DEA didn’t protect you this information could cost you your life. You were the only girl in the private booth, there was no other fly on the wall.
Javier was quiet about his conversation, he would turn back and look at you periodically. You were hopeful, but you weren’t stupid, if they couldn’t get you out you’d have to flee. An out with the US DEA is much more likely to result in life than fleeing through the Colombian jungle. 
“Okay, gracias,” Javier hung the phone up and walked to a drawer in the kitchen. 
He handed you a passport and envelope. You flipped open and saw your face but not your name.
“How long have you had this?” You asked, taken aback. 
“Not long, but we knew you would need it sooner rather than later.” He said. 
“Okay,” you said. “I guess it’s time to disappear.”
“We can book you on a flight tomorrow night, it gives you time to say goodbye to any family.”
“It’s just me, don’t have anyone to say goodbye to,” You laughed awkwardly, 
“I’m sorry,” he said, reaching toward you. 
“I’m a fly on the wall, Agent Peña. It’s easier not to have anyone, better to go unnoticed,” 
“You haven’t gone unnoticed,” He said, stepping closer to you. The air became thick and heavy with tension. 
“I should go, I don’t mix business with pleasure,” You said, placing the envelope of cash and your new passport in your bag. 
“As far as I’m concerned, we no longer have business with one another,” he smirked. 
You bit your lip, pondering the accusation. He was right, and it wasn’t like Javier Peña was a hard sell. He was gorgeous and he knew it. 
“I should pack, if I’m to make this flight,” You said, stepping toward him this time your hand coming to rest gently on his chest.
He gently tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear. The intensity of his gaze made you desperate to shy away, but he had a pull to him that made it impossible. 
“There’s a lot of things you should do,” he emphasized, “But stay, please. Just for tonight,” He spoke softly. 
His hand drifted down your neck to your collarbone where he brushed the strap of your black tank top off your shoulder. 
“Javier, I’m nobody. I-,” you paused, “I’m going to disappear.” 
“You’ve always been somebody to me, hermosa,” he kissed your shoulder where your tank top had previously rested. 
“Since the moment I met you, I knew you were more than what you gave yourself,” He spoke. 
Before you had time to respond he gently nipped at your neck eliciting a soft gasp from you. 
“Tell me stop,” He spoke seriously as he continued to leave a trail of kisses down your neck and shoulder. 
“Javier,” you hesitated, sounding more like a question than a warning. 
“If you don’t want to do this, you need to tell me to stop,” he looked at your face again trying to decipher any hint of fear or regret. 
His large hand held your jaw gently and his thumb slowly rubbed your cheek. He was comforting and reassuring. It almost felt wrong for the stone cold DEA agent, Javier Peña, to be looking at you with soft eyes and affectionate touches. 
You leaned up toward him, your lips were so close to his you could feel his breath against yours. 
“Don’t. Don’t stop,”  
And that was all he needed before his lips encapsulated yours in an all encompassing kiss. It was a kiss that spoke all the words Javi couldn’t. Passion, lust, and remorse for the situation he put you in. 
Your mouths moved against one another as if you had been starved of kisses your whole lives. Javier gently bit your bottom lip causing a soft moan to escape you. 
Your soft moan ignited something within him. He pulled away from the kiss, his hands gripping tightly at your waist and he forcefully turned your back to him. He pushed you toward the wall and you placed your hands against it. 
His hands pulled your hips into his own, grinding himself against your ass. 
“Ah, fuck,” He groaned, “Baby you are so fucking hot,” 
“Javi,” you sighed.
His hands had begun to work your tank top away from your skirt they explored under the thin material and up your back unclasping your bra. He crouched slightly gripping your hips again and kissed your back. His hands dragged your shirt up your sides once again, stopping just below your breast. You swear you heard him inhale sharply, you arched your back slightly knowing you would grind against the strained package in his jeans. 
He growled at the sensation pulling your shirt and bra over your head and throwing across the room.
He flipped you around again, pressing your back to the wall, and pushing himself against you. You wrapped your arms around the back of his neck and legs around his hips. He used one hand to grip your thigh tightly holding you up. This caused your skirt to ride up your thighs and your panties to be directly against Javi’s jeans. You could feel his cock painfully hard pushing against the material and there was too much fabric between you. 
Before you had a chance to say anything Javier’s lips found yours again, this time more lustful, passionate and messy than before. Your tongue danced with his as you brought your hands to his chest to make quick work of his button up. He let go of your leg and you gently brought your feet to the floor as you pushed the cotton t-shirt off his shoulders.
You took a second to drink him in as you began to work on his belt. He was lean and tan, and looked like the devil himself with his hair tossed and chest rising and falling heavily. 
As you unbuttoned his jeans, he brought his hands to your breasts massaging your nipples into hard peaks. 
He had brought his mouth to your nipple gently swirling it around his tongue before dragging his teeth across it. You whimpered at the sensation, head falling back against the wall and hips bucking toward him. He made sure to give the same attention and care to the other nipple before slowly kissing down your belly. 
“Fuck Javi, on your knees,” you instructed breathlessly. 
He sank onto his knees, his hands gripping the backs of your thighs pushing your skirt up to reveal your soaking panties. 
“Fuck baby, so ready for me,” he inhaled before kissing the small article of clothing. 
His fingers hooked on either side of the lace waistband pulling them down your legs. Once they reached your ankles you kicked them off anxiously awaiting Javi’s mouth to find your pussy. 
He kissed up your thighs and slowly licked the space where the inside of your thigh met your hip. you raised one leg over his shoulder, spreading yourself for him. He used his tongue to lick between your folds up until he found your clit. 
Your knees were weak and he held you against the wall. Working his tongue over your sensitive bundle of nerves. You felt the pressure building in your lower abdomen and you knew you wouldn’t last long. 
Strings of moans, curses, and Javier’s name fell from your lips as you began to come undone. 
“Fuck, shi-,” you cursed as Javi’s fingers began toying with your opening. 
“So fucking wet for me baby,” He praised.
“You want my hands too, princesa?” He put his lips against you again gently sucking your clit. 
“I’m no princess, Javier,” you said as you ran your hands through his hair. 
“Hmm, you didn’t answer the question,” he pulled away from you momentarily, rubbing his hands up and down your thighs. 
“Fuck me with your fingers, Javi. And quit being such a teasing asshole,” You tugged his hair back toward you. 
“You have no idea how big an asshole I can be, princessa,” he teased, immediately pushing two fingers inside you before you could respond. 
You gasped at the sensation, he shrugged your leg off his shoulder and stood up, still pumping his fingers inside you curling them exactly where you needed to be sent into a fit of whimpers and moans. His thumb found your clit circling with just enough pressure to push you to the edge. His mouth found your neck nipping and sucking at your most sensitive spot just behind your ear. 
“Javi, babe, so close,” You panted. 
“Don’t be shy, come on my fingers. Tell me how good you feel, hermosa,” Javi spoke roughly in your ear. 
“Fuck, so fucking good Javier,” you mewled and with that your first orgasm came crashing over you. Whimpers and moans spilled from you as the waves of pleasure coursed through you. 
Javier brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked on them before bringing his thumb to your lips. 
“You are so fucking special, I wish we had done this sooner,” He sighed. 
“You should never mix business with pleasure, Agent Pena,” You spoke softly. 
“Yes, we are keeping it very fucking professional,” He spoke before kissing you again. He gripped your thigh just below your ass and you kissed him back feverishly. 
Your hands moved just below the waist band of Javi’s jeans again, this time pushing them down over his ass. He broke the kiss to push them down the rest of the way and remove them. Leaving you both in nearly nothing. 
He pulled you toward the couch guiding you between kisses. He sat down on the leather couch and you drank him in all over again. The way his legs lazily spread apart making him even broader. His arms reached for you. 
“You can have a seat if you’d like,” He said gently tugging your waist toward him. 
You pulled back slightly, “I will, but first we need to make sure you’re comfortable,” 
He hummed in response. You kneeled before him, kissing his thighs and nipping at them slightly. 
Your hands tugged at the waistband of his briefs and he lifted his hips slightly so that they would be more easily removed. His cock sprung free onto his stomach, the tip reddened and leaking precum. You knew he must’ve been painful strained in his jeans. 
You stood in front of him and hiked your skirt above your waist as you brought your thighs to either side of his hips. You slowly began to grind onto his cock nothing in the way to feel how hard he was against you. His hips bucked to meet yours. 
“Let me fuck you, I want see you bounce on my cock,” He said clearly unable to contain himself. 
“Please,” you begged. 
You slowly raised yourself again, positioning him at your entrance. You slowly brought your hips down to meet his, you both groaned at the sensation. He was big and full and began slowly rocking his hips against yours. 
His hands found their way around your back. One on your lower back to steady you, the other gripping your shoulder. you slowly began to rise and fall against him, riding him back and forth. 
“Jesus, fuck- so fucking tight,” He groaned. 
“So fucking perfect for me, princessa,” he continued. 
His hips began to thrust to meet yours as moans and the slapping of skin filled the room. You both were blissed out on the feeling of his cock ramming into your pussy, it was addicting the sounds coming from him. 
With every thrust his hips dragged across your clit, bringing you even closer to your orgasm. His mouth found your breast once again gently nipping and sucking on the sensitive skin surrounding your nipple as you bounced. 
His thrusts became more erratic as you went and you knew that neither of you were going to last much longer. 
“Javier, fuck, so close. So so good baby,” You whimpered.
“Waited so fucking long for you,” He mumbled. “Needed to see you, know you.” 
You brought your lips to his neck, changing the angle slightly. Javi was ramming into you now, both of you quickly coming undone. 
Your orgasm washed over you first as you groaned and cried Javier’s name. 
“Oh fuck gonna-“ He said pulling out of you, gripping his cock. Quickly coming on your skirt and his own hand.
His hip bucked a few more times and his face twisted and he let out a few moans. 
You collapsed onto his chest and he began gently stroking your back. You were both hot and sticky but your post orgasmic bliss took over. Neither of you made any rush to move or speak for nearly ten minutes. Your mind raced with the possibility of tomorrow 
“Thank you, Javier. Just for everything,” you whispered, tears welling in your eyes at the finality of everything. 
“Hm. Your thank you is starting to sound an awful lot like goodbye,” 
“Javi,” You whispered an edge to your tone. You pushed yourself off him. 
“I think we should clean up,” you sighed and made your way down the hall to the bathroom. 
Javier followed suit, neither of you said anything as you rinsed your legs and skirt off. You sighed frustrated as your skirt was now damp and you would have to wear it home. 
“I have something you can wear home,” he said while he washed his hands. 
“Uh Javi- it’s okay,” your words fell over one another. 
“You could also just stay here,” He said, reaching for you. 
“You and I both know that’s not going to happen,” You took his hand in yours and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek. 
“We could protect you here. I won’t let them touch you, I just fuck-“ he ran a hand through his hair.
You didn’t know much about Javier but you knew he could be soft with those he cared about and he was always soft with you. You knew he could be an asshole, but he had losses not many could understand. 
“You and I both know that’s not possible,” You kissed his hand. 
“I’m going to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. You’ll be here bringing Colombia back to peace, and I will be another notch in your playbook,” You let go of his hand and made your way back to the living room. 
You grabbed your discarded bra and tank top slipping them back on. Javier joined you in the living room a few moments later, now clad in sweatpants and holding a pair out for you. 
“Thanks,” You smiled at him, slipping your skirt off and the soft sweats on. 
“Hey, uh- before you go,” Javi shifted slightly, clearly uncomfortable. 
You looked up at him. 
“Just, when you get somewhere safe. Find a way to let me know, ok?” He said holding out a small note card with an address scribbled on it. 
You smiled at him sighing.
“Goodbye Javi,” You kissed his cheek and brushed past him to the door. 
It hurt knowing you were leaving your home. And as the warm air of the Colombian night hit you for what may be the last time, you realized, you finally had someone to say goodbye to.
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tags: @skysmiller @beskarandblasters @harriedandharassed @cupofjoel @darkroastjoel @tightjeansjavi @morning-star-joy @sinsofsummers @cavillscurls @thetriumphantpanda & will be tagging main taglist just wanna get this posted!!
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faintedlcve · 4 months
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END OF 2023
sorry to anyone who didn't want to be tagged xx
hi! most of you will know me as lucy (unless you're @m3ntallyunstable34 and know my real name lol)
so yes, i am lucy. and this is me reflecting on 2023 on tumblr because it seems like a logical thing to do considering this year sucked like 20% less (one of us is lying reference) because of all my amazing online friends. so yes i guess in a way this is a mutual appreciation post 🫶
@berryzxx you wouldn't believe me when i tell you you were the first mutual i didn't have to be all professional and got to be a crazy bitch with lmao so thank you for not judging me and talking to me like we're besties (we totally are btw bc i said so) mwahh
@longlivestv the loml literally owe my life to you bee 🫶🫶 you are one of the main reasons i'm friends with all of the people i will mention after, so tysm and thank you for being so sweet to me and i love flirting with you /hj ilysm 💗 also if im too young to fall in love why do you keep running through my brain? 😍😍
@loserdiaz one of the very few people i get to openly talk to and not feel weird doing it akshdasjhd ilysm april <33 and youre one of the only people i will ever admit has better pick up lines than me (thats a huge honour btw) so thank you for keeping up with me and flirting with me it makes me feel very special mwahhh and ily and we should totally snuggle by the fireplace you know i made those cookies you like (sab reference) 😍🫶
@weeping-in-the-willows thank you for being the absolute SWEETEST person to me <3 ilysm and btw you were my first discord friend and i'm so honoured about that ajshdnjfe you're so nice and ily and i hope you get everything you want
@theladyinwhite13 thank you for appreciating my unhinged comments and you're one of the few people who deserve to be told that they are funnier than me (i rarely ever give anyone this honour btw so its very special) and i think you might appreciate this reference 'so what if i just wanna be a little out of my mind'
@bodybetters and @its-tortle karo and tortle my beloved <3 ilysm you're like two of the BEST mutuals ever and i was so honoured happy excited (any other positive adjective) when i realised you followed ME back?!? i was literally so ajshdnjfe i can't even put it in words you're like my favourite people on this hellsite (affectionate)
@suugarbabe ajdhhgajsgf my pookie <33 you always stand up for me and ilysm for it youre the nicest to me what did i ever do to deserve you 😭❤️
@patrophthia omg the absolute sweetestt!! youre an angel and ilysm and i hope you have the best life every <33 ilysm thank you for being so nice to me and making me feel valued asjdhajksd i love youu
@theautistmwitch omg idk how youre still sane after hearing to my traumatising jokes 😭 ilysm mwahh❤️thank you for being so sweet to meee it makes me so happy <333 can't wait to traumatise- uh i mean make you laugh even more next year!
@kurtcobainsgreencardigan ajkshdad i had the time of my life 'bullying' [insert their name] (i dont wanna get cancelled yk just in case people actually like them) with you <33 [i mean you technically didn't 'bully' them but we bonded over that] you're so funny and sweet and ily<3
@catastrxblues nadine the loml <33 i LOVED chatting with you and ranting to you and reading your answers to my asks akgdskg im so glad to have you as a mutual and i would love to have some more ranting convos with you in the future haha asdhjhajsh ilysm mwahh <3
@nyctophile-me omg you're so sweet to meee 😭😭😭 ily you're like one of my favourite wives too you're one of the only people i will ever share sab with mwah ❤️❤️ id love to talk to you more next year <3
@magicandmaybe @andi-is-bored @alltheliars and @animallover4000 omg you're all so sweet and ily and we didn't really interact a lot this year but i loved chatting with you on discord 💕
@imperpetuallylost omg ilyy you're so unintentionally (or intentionally?) funny ahsjdnfne and i guess it's inevitable sorry sky but it looks like you (lea not sky) deserve to [redacted] goosebot and it's well deserved ajsjdjdne ily and id love to interact more with you next year <33
@london-affairs literally started talking to you like 5 days ago and we were flirting non stop that's CRAZYYYY ily btw pookie 😍
@m3ntallyunstable34 my literal best friend!! i absolutely love you mwah mwah mwah thank you for being my best friend and dealing with me for 12 years llama im shocked you're not insane yet ahsjsj ilyyyy ❤️
these are the mutuals that made me throw my phone across the room and scream in excitement when i realised THEY followed ME
also i will take this moment to thank all of you for making my year amazing and i love you all so much and i hope you have THE BEST 2024. thank you so much for being a part of my crazy blog i would never have imagined 438 people would find this silly little blog 🫶
@cassiopeiasdaughter @faultsline @underthenightskydreamsneverdie @theostrophywife @slytherinslut0 @imperpetuallylost @themidnightarcher @stvrlighhttt @psychedeliccc @prettybaby-grande @nqds @themidnightarcher @i-miss-you-im-sorry @cottoncandywhispers @svnflowermoon @finalgirllx @fallingforfictionalcharacterss @ashisgreedy @moonffe @suugarbabe @wordsarelife and @xobridgertonblues (i might've tagged some people twice sorryyyy)
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causeitsagame · 11 months
Note
Ok syke one more. Doesnt need to be a whole fic or anything (obviously you do whatever you want) but Fuyuhiko breaching the aforementioned torture subject with Hajime? Like hey bro you're gonna hate this but uh if anyone ever gets captured, you need to let me get tortured bc it's the safest thing for everyone. OK SORRY IM JUST EXCITED. -xoxo hajihiko
OKAY follow-up (or prequel, really?) to this one:
----
"I'm taking Kaz's plane and going."
Blinking, Hajime straightened from where he studied the radar. Most of them were edging into panic mode, and the only thing keeping things together was the collective trust they had in him to pull some sort of rabbit out of some sort of hat. "What?"
Fuyuhiko stared at him with a grim sort of calm. "He's going to set the plane to autopilot right toward them. You're going to get everyone else off the island in some other direction."
Well, it was some plan, at least. Grimacing, Hajime began, "I hate to give up that plane he put together, but if it can hold their attention for even a little while—"
"Hajime."
"I'll figure out a way to make it work."
Fuyuhiko stepped forward and gripped his wrist. "Fucking. Listen. To. Me."
Hajime stared back at him. His heartbeat pounded in his ears. "I did. You said that you're sending Kaz's plane toward them."
"For fuck's sake, we don't have time for this." Fuyuhiko's grip tightened. "A plane is not bait. I am bait."
Heat washed across Hajime's face, and his mouth quivered. "No. This isn't how we're doing it."
"This is the only way to do this. We need someone who can slow them down. I can take whatever they throw at me—"
"God, are you serious?" Hajime cried, and wrenched his arm out of Fuyuhiko's grip. "Whatever they throw at you? You mean fucking torture?"
"Yes," Fuyuhiko said simply. "I can, and everyone else can't. They'd be fine with killing most of us, too, the second they get their hands on us. But not me or Sonia, 'cause we had the most information. They'd keep both of us alive to wring it out of us. Years' worth."
Hajime's vision went blurry with sudden tears.
"Who'd stand up to it better?" Fuyuhiko demanded. "Me or her?"
He couldn't swallow, suddenly. Gasping, Hajime turned away.
"I need you to promise me you'll get them away. Everyone." Fuyuhiko's voice wavered, and he coughed hard. "That'll make it all worth it."
"You… fuck. Fuck!" Hajime slammed his hand into a metal support post and turned back to Fuyuhiko as the post crumpled. "We'll come get you out. We won't leave you there."
"No, you fucking won't."
Hajime stepped toward him, eyes blazing, and leaned forward to put every bit of height he had on Fuyuhiko to good use. "We are not abandoning you, and fuck you for even asking."
"You are not rescuing me," Fuyuhiko spat. "If anyone else decides to try, I guess I can't stop them. They shouldn't; they'll just be caught and killed. But I can't stop them."
Hajime's jaw twitched. "You can't stop me, either."
Fuyuhiko reared up and caught Hajime's shirt in his fists, and gripped it with iron intensity. "They'd keep me 'n Sonia alive for some torture. They'd keep you for an entire lifetime of it. They want you more than anyone else on this island, and I'm not letting them get anywhere close."
"So you throw yourself at them, on purpose, but I'm not even supposed to try?!"
"What they'll do to me is nothing compared to you. If you come for me, you're throwing away every last thing I'm about to go through." Fuyuhiko's hands trembled before he shoved Hajime away. "If I see you again, I'll never forgive it. You got that?"
Stunned, Hajime rocked back on his heels. Tears dripped off his chin and splattered against the floor. "A… a week. It won't be me, fine. But a week, and we'll come for you."
"Don't be an idiot," Fuyuhiko muttered, and swiped at his cheek with the back of his hand. "It'll be a damn year until you're settled in somewhere new. Settled in well enough to monitor intel, anyway."
"A month."
Fuyuhiko's eye closed. "Hajime, please…" He turned away, and for one vulnerable moment, emotion threatened to overcome him. "Please, don't."
"Two months. Final offer. Imposter and Peko, in and out." Hajime swallowed hard. He could play dirty, too. "If you don't want to accept that, then you have to tell Peko that she's not allowed to try to rescue you. If there's a way to do it, she'll figure it out. You have to tell her that she can't."
"She already knows." Fuyuhiko's gaze went very distant, and he had to shake his head before it re-focused on Hajime. "There's not going to be any point in an attempt, by then. Don't bother."
"Don't bother?" Hajime repeated in disbelief. "No point?"
"Peko knows the whole plan. She'll tell you… in two months." Fuyuhiko's eye filled with renewed purpose as he confirmed, "In two months, you'll hear why a rescue attempt won't be worth it."
"But—"
"We're out of time," Fuyuhiko said simply, and turned for the door. "You'd better get everyone out."
"Fuyuhiko!" Hajime pleaded, and ran to follow him.
A sure hand caught his wrist as he left. Hajime turned in surprise to Peko, who'd been waiting outside the door. Her eyes were bloodshot, her cheeks blotchy, but her gaze was filled with grim acceptance. "Let him go," she whispered. "He's made his choice."
"But… I can't…"
"If we do not save everyone else, we will diminish that choice." Peko's jaw clenched, then released. "What we can do for him now is to not let his efforts be in vain."
Something about her grip on his wrist kept Hajime there, even as Fuyuhiko vanished into the distance alongside Kazuichi. "I'm supposed to ask you in two months," Hajime said with a shaking voice. "About a rescue attempt."
Peko slowly nodded.
"He said that, in two months, you'd think it wouldn't be worth it."
"I know why he said that," Peko softly confirmed. "I do not agree with him, but I know why." Her hand tightened until the nails began to dig into Hajime's skin, then suddenly released. "We should round up the others. I refuse to let any of them die."
"…Right," Hajime agreed, and felt his shoulders slump.
I'm sorry. But I'll save everyone. I promise.
Two months.
Everyone. Including you.
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diavolosbaby · 1 year
Note
Hi! So, I saw your Teen!MC being comforted by Simeon post, and I really loved that. I've gone through abuse Luke that from my family my entire life, and quite frankly that post made me cry bc it was very well written🥹So, I was wondering if you could write something similar for more characters? If this makes you uncomfortable feel free to delete this btw😅
Sure :)
I'll do Luke, Barbatos, Satan, and Leviathan :)
Abuse Comfort
Characters: Luke, Barbatos, Satan, Leviathan
Genre: Angst,comfort
Format: headcanons, mini fic
Pronouns if used: they/them
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Luke
- When you tell him, he doesn't believe it. He would have never guessed someone as bright as you went through something so dark.
- actually starts to tear up, he's sad that you went through something so sad
- hugs your waist and nuzzles his head in your stomach, whining about how he's sorry
- actually says some things about your family, not so nice things but still very appropriate (he's still luke)
- he's mad and sad at your family, but the way you're comforting him and not the other way around makes him even more mad and sad at himself
"Waaaaaaaah! How could humans be so mean! Mean to someone like you too! Its not fair you didn't deserve that...sniff.... Theyre more demon-like than anything I've seen in the Devildom... Must be if they treat you so bad...im sorry MC...sniff"
Barbatos
- listens very closely, making eye contact with you or looking directly at you if you avoid his gaze
- very minimal touches while you explain, its meant to be a soft gesture of comfort. He hopes you get that
- when you're done he slides his gloved hand over your head smoothing down your hair
- he plants a kiss to your forehead and then leans his own against it, taking a breath before speaking with closed lids
- You can't tell whether he's angry or sad for you, he tries to hide it very well but you still saw his slightly furrowed brows and slight frown
"My dear MC, how anyone could treat you like that is beyond me. Please leave those memories behind you. Here in the Devildom, here with me... It will be better. I will be better. You will never receive such treatment again. Please believe me."
Satan
- he had his hand over yours before you even started, sensing the tension
- he squeezed your hand a bit, not enough to hurt you but enough for you to notice
- he was mad, angry, furious, that ANYONE could treat you like that, could be so heartless
- but he knew tight now you didn't need someone to protect you. What was done was done. Right now you needed comfort, and you trusted him with that -he gently wrapped his hands around your head and led you towards his chest, you didn't put up a fight
- played with your hair while he whispered sweet nothings to you, except these sweet nothings were sweet somethings, because they did mean something to the both of you
"That... Is terrible. So terrible. I don't... Understand how humans could do that to their own children. And we're the demons...i apologize MC. I'm... Sorry. You didn't deserve that, you were only a child... Their child and they treat you so horrid... It's despicable, truly.."
Leviathan
- paused his game when he saw you were serious
- gave you his full attention, his mouth slightly agape and eyes widened as his brows furrowed in worry as he listened
- took him a moment to take it all in but when he did all he felt at that moment was sorry for you.
- asks if he can hug you and when you say yes he hugs really tight, its awkward but you can feel his worry and determination to make you feel better
- not the best at comforting but will you for your sake
"What... Are you... For real...? Uh... C-can I hug you... MC...? Ok, alright. Uh.. Sorry. I just don't get it. Humans are so supposed to be, well, humane. Thats like the total opposite... Totally unfair to you MC I'm sorry...um..well, I hope my brothers and I can be a better family to you MC...i mean it, alright?"
Again sorry this took so long and hope you liked it :)
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turnstechgodhead · 2 months
Text
ok to the anon thats talkin w me about mental eelness and bro and the "knight of time" line:
id post your entire ask but its Very Long and im struggling to answer all of it in a way that isnt fucking with my head and anxiety so im going to answer with only the character analysis stuff HERE on this post my apologies
for the record i dont even remotely know how to begin tagging this mess down here and i really think itd be better suited for my nsfw blog but yall aint asking about this on that blog which is fair take care of yourselves
JSYK it's stuff about brocal/intrusive thoughts about inc st and c s a SO kids please avert your eyes for my comfort thank YOU
i dont personally have ocd afaik but as someone who Has intrusive thoughts (actual horrifying ones that dirk, gabe and i have to beat back with a stick, not the ones kids think are intrusive thoughts today)
i definitely think that's how bro approaches raising dave; overcompensating for the accusations from his mind and cal[iborn] leading to total icing him out
okay same anon who was asking abt the “i was raising the knight of time” line. you saying “caliborn made [bro] believe that platonic affection is in fact not platonic at all and is instead sexual[the implications when bro is constantly carrying around cal with his arms around his neck btw. insane.]” is fascinating. is this based off the fact that caliborn thinks even hugging or a kiss on the cheek is “filthy?” it makes me think about ocd/bipolar disorder/misc mental illnesses and intrusive thoughts. i have bipolar and im a huge softie for kids but my intrusive thoughts sometimes try to convince me that my affection is somehow sinister.
YES very much
i need to describe to you my thoughts on brocal really quick bc i think that'll help put it in perspective and idk how else to talk about it;
heres the thing
cal is both bro's boyfriend and his fucking family okay
imagine you're a kid and you have this puppet friend that speaks to you using silly words and tells you that you should eat glass maybe :) or cut your fingers off or tear off your own head and hes the only thing thats taking care of you as a person even if hes mean
he tells you that people touching is inappropriate and vulgar and he cant believe theyre doing that in public (but its okay if we hug and cuddle you know?)
but also as you grow up this puppet starts calling you weird shit like stud or hunky or what the hell ever and maybe. youre going to kiss him
this puppet is the only thing you care about because hes the only thing that cares about you youve been with him for years and years and he talks to you and hes all that matters and now youre obsessed with him and you dont know when that happened but you have an obsessive personality anyway
youll do anything for him. (let me kill for you)
hes the only person you love because you dont love roxy this way (consuming, overwhelming, obligating to do what he wants, because he's all you have)
and well shit
if cals telling you that youre a freak for wanting to cuddle on the baby like you did that once (call it the knight it helps keep your distance) then i guess you're a fucking freak because its not even your right to treat it as family anyway; it's bigger than you. it's more than you will ever be and you need to make sure it doesn't fucking die and apparently that involves at least a little bit of affection cal please understand(what a disgusting species)
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akgaereporter · 3 months
Text
꩜ briizes: seunghan/wonbin/taro main dancer discourse 🤕
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tldr: an ot7 account made a big thread on why seunghan is vital to riize's lineup, talents and visuals wise. they explain why his dancing is needed to balance the team but some taro/wonbin stans took it as shade towards their biases dance skills and ended up seeming lowkey ot6..
so everything started with this ot7 user posting a thread in korean about how seunghan is vital and unreplaceable within riize. they mentioned things like how his visuals and proportions blend the group properly, how he’s the mood maker and has good sense in variety and comedy contents, etc. very well written thread btw, here’s the link to read it if u havent already !
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anyways, the issue started bc of the part where nomad talked about seunghan’s dance position within riize. they praised him for his flexible movements in contrast to shotaro and wonbin’s “rough street dancing and standard styles.” they also said that after watching the member’s fancams, seunghan is the member best at “using his upper body” and “highlighting the details of the choreography.”
here is the whole translated paragraph transcribed from the ss:
“Additionally, in order to widen the range of performance types that a group can handle, it is best if the specialized styles of each dance member do not overlap too much. While Shotaro and Wonbin's characteristics are rough street dancing and standard styles, respectively, Seunghan's style, in contrast, is very flexible and allows him to control the strength and weakness well. Also, by analyzing the members' fancams, we can conclude that the member in Rise who uses his upper body the best is Seunghan, and more importantly, Seunghan is the member who is the best at highlighting the details of the choreography among the members. In this way, the three dance line members are already the best combination, complementing each other's shortcomings, so if even one of them is missing, the quality of the performance will inevitably decline.”
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this thread sparked a lot of seunghan praise:
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now idk abt yall but after reading all these, the first thing on my mind isnt “ok but what about x member..”. this is clearly about seunghan, how he affects the performance/stage/vocal dynamic of the group, and what they lose without him. this is for seunghan and about seunghan, RELATIVE to the other members, not comparative. but some people clearly have other things in mind..
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things got kinda messy from here🤕
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and some people just straight up revealed they dgaf about him fr☠️
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and youll never guess whats in shawty's bio..??
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like hmm?? if 2+2 is 4.. how can you support an ot7 riize if you think he doesn't bring anything to the group? that hes not vital in anything? that they're doing fine w/o him? like im genuinely curious but anyways..
some people clocked how weird these reactions were but the damage has lwk already been done bc this is such a strange discourse to have at all🤕
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☆ my opinion
again i just think its crazy how u can call urself ot7 when u dont believe he’s indispensable to the group? the whole point of nomad’s thread was to showcase what seunghan brought to riize, and why this ot6 body isn’t bringing out their full potential as vocal&performance artists. there are so many things to take into account here:
because one member is good at a certain aspect of a skill doesn’t make another members’ any less than..
the thread was to show seunghan’s unique differences from any other member, and highlight what the group loses by not having him. not to say “hes better at x than y member,” but to say “this is how seungan’s skill contrasts any other member and creates a better result.”
riize is a team, teams have members, members are going to have distinct styles that they execute best. shotaro is obviously the main dancer as he's very versatile and can cover a wide range of movement, but that doesn't change the fact there are details & aspects of seunghan’s dancing that he makes most noticeable, & that differ and contrast shotaro’s in a good way. those differences make them look better as a group. like yes taro is a pro dancer, but he has a more "x" style while seunghan accentuates more "y" movements, and "x" and "y" work together perfectly with the rest of the members on stage. its not about who is better, it’s about how they look together as one.
i feel like some taro/wonbin stans are referring to individual skills, which explains why they're bringing up taro's past as a dancer. individual skill is a whole different story, and again, that wasn't the purpose of the thread, it was to show what riize loses as a group by not having seunghan.
the “better at moving his upper body” part is one of those details seunghan highlights, but that comment is an opinion on nomad’s part, so ofc u can disagree with it. however the undeniable fact is that seunghan is very talented at dancing with his upper body, and whether x member is better than him or not isnt the point - it was included to show how he and only he executes it differently than others to create an enhanced look on stage. i think its funny how theres literally a part of the thread where wonbin is agreeing that seunghan has the most flexible upper body in an interview but some milkteas were still acting like nomad saying that is a snub to taro??😭
getting mad at a seunghan praise tweet for praising seunghan is odd behavior. u can of course have preferences, but to call it “discrediting” shotaro is a huge stretch. no one is downplaying shotaro’s skills as a dancer, in fact nomad’s thread is one of the only threads ive seen actually articulating and placing focus on seunghan’s dancing, so to say it was “objectively untrue” is crazy and i think we should just let hongjjangus have nice things. if u disagree, and think taro is better at something, gone ahead and make ur own thread like this user did (maybe with a less shady caption🤕) instead of creating a space for people to feel comfortable demeaning seunghan's skills comparatively to other members.
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like who was speaking on him??😭😭 some people have definitely lost the plot but at least its a minority.. unrelated to these screenshots but theres srsly an epidemic of briizes who are lowkey moving ot6 but claiming its in the name of supporting riize's active members so be careful who u call oomf & stay strapped in these streets😕🙏🏽 seunghan WILL be home soon trust me ladies.. im psychic
[c l o s e t a b ?] ◀ ⇨ akgaepop.com
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Text
feeling rly unsafe 2day, but it's specifically bc of being a trans guy, i keep seeing stuff from cis women abt how men r always the worst and how men hav a duty 2 make their lives revolve around women or else we're sexist, how apparently men need 2 all b willing 2 lay down their lives 4 any woman or else we're just as bad as the creeps who make ppl feel unsafe 2 go out at night and yes i said people not just women but they only want 2 acknowledge it when it's a cis woman that's the victim
i did not fucking sign up for this
i did not fucking sign up 2 sacrifice my life either literally or thru dedicating my life only 2 others just because the pronoun "he" fits me better than the pronoun "she"
i should not hav 2 worry that im an inherently bad person because of being a gay trans man
i should not hav 2 worry abt being perceived as a threat bc of being a queer man of colour
i've honestly started to hav thoughts abt de-transitioning not bc being a guy in the way i am doesn't fit me but rather out of fear of the scrutiny every action of mine will b placed under
i was sexually abused as a child but i guess that doesn't matter anymore because im a man now, boys don't cry they punch ig, apparently since im a man now it means im destined 2 become that which hurt me
all i want is to be a man, in a nonbinary way yes but still a man (demi-guy), i want to love men who love me back, i want to live a quiet life surrounded by love and happiness, i want to live a gentle life
but no.... because im a man now then apparently it must make me predatory in some way
i can't de-transition... i know i wouldn't survive emotionally... so i stick with it, with allowing myself to be a demi-guy.... but it hurts knowing that me being free is perceived as dangerous, that im seen as inherently a threat to women
edit: so a terf started clowning this post, just 2 make this shit clear, this is not a fucking debate blog this is a me posting abt my feelings blog, i would've thought the url "my-traumacore-sideblog" would've made that clear
also no racism and sexism is not the same thing
yes women face oppression at the hands of men and should be allowed to talk about it but men also face oppression at the hands of women and should be allowed to talk abt it, 4 men who r not in a minority group this is usually in terms of legal stuff (how r*pe is legally categorised, custody disputes ect) but this is even more of an issue and more every day when it comes to men in marginalised communities, yk like me, yk like what i was venting abt in my fucking post i should b allowed 2 talk abt my own oppression 2 and acting like me venting abt my own oppression in a post tagged as a vent post on my vent blog makes me the same as my white oppressors is not only terf shit but also racist and it shows a lack of political literacy, a woman has just as much capacity 4 violence as a man but a queer man of colour is seen as inherently violent and a white woman is inherently seen as always being a victim but ur ok w/ these white women using that power of perceived vulnerability 2 call 4 violence against queer men and men of colour and especially queer men of colour just say u want cis women klansmen and leave im not backing down from talking abt my own oppression bc of white woman tears
anyways person who clowed is now blocked so don't bother trying 2 respond 2 my edit
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ahamkara-apologist · 7 months
Note
you have GOT to post guardian pics I'm begging you. feed us (me?) information about your characters. I must know. it is imperative
TYSM FOR ENABLING ME ANON BC THEY ARE MY BLORBOS AND IM VIBRATING ABOUT THEM. buckle the fuck up because this is gonna be a long fucking post
Okay first up is Aeris Sharphawk- aro/ace, he/him. he's my main character, my hunter, and the Young Wolf of my timeline.
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He’s half-Awoken, half-Human (I’ll get to that in a moment, he’s actually an older oc of mine that I ported over from Bloodborne whose bastard nature needed a D2 equivalent), and the older half-brother to my solar titan, Marcelline Attenbough- one of the few little remnants from their past life that they were able to discover in a diary on Marcie’s corpse when they were rezzed together (which occurred because their ghosts are twins). He’s autistic, lawful neutral, and vastly prefers using Darkness over Light because of sensory issues; his ghost (Hoarfrost, previously Mercury) mods his helmets to drastically reduce noise, but he can’t help how Arc tingles, Solar burns, and Void numbs. Tends to spend most of his battles either hyperfocused or dissociated to deal with it. As for the lawful neutral title, that’s because he doesn’t fight for the Vanguard because of a loyalty to humanity, but exclusively for the survival of the Last City and everyone in it. This extended to House Light and the Cabal under Caital instantaneously, and would do so to Eramis if she so chose, because he really just doesn’t take most things personally. He's sometimes derogatorily called 'the Vanguard's Hound' because of this.  
He’s skilled with a bow, and is cursed with a resting haunted stare that can rival even the fiercest bird of prey- hence his title, given to him because his last name wasn’t present in the little diary that Marcie had when they were rezzed. Personality wise, he’s quiet, stoic, extremely efficient at what he does, fiercely protective of those he loves, and deeply curious about the unknown- though if you don’t know him, you’d never be able to guess it, because he struggles deeply with facial expressions and tone, giving him the appearance that he’s ruthlessly cold and unfeeling (pretty much the Guardian we see in game). Because of this, he tends to do much better with Eliksni than most of humanity- bar the Awoken, though Mara makes him deeply uncomfortable- and is thus far more comfortable with them. He’s the moon to Marcie’s sun, and helps keep her in check, for despite her cheery personality, she has a very strong sense of justice and a penchant for impulsive, temperamental behavior when she thinks that justice has been wronged. This goes both ways, however, as Aeris is the very definition of ‘curiosity killed the cat’; he voluntarily gets bit by venomous snakes at venom labs to see how immunity/allergies develops over time, and has a fascination with the Vex that got him a ‘needs watching’ report after he nearly jumped into a pool of radiolaria to see what would happen. The older-brother affection isn’t related to just Marcie, though; he’s unofficially adopted Eido as his younger sister (or kid? Because uhhh that curiosity of his has extended to fucking Misraaks once or twice), and is a mentor figure of sorts to Crow, though he’s unaware that Crow idolizes him; he only hunted Uldren down to keep Marcie out of trouble, as he didn’t like Cayde and was neutral on Uldren, so seeing Crow for the first time didn’t bother him at all. Tutored on occasion by Osiris, and thus has a very deep respect for him. 
People other than Marcie that he likes:  Zavala, Ikora, Osiris, Eido, Misraaks, Eris, and Variks, Petrichor-12 (oc), Viper-4 (oc, lightless guardian), Crow
People he dislikes: Cayde, the Spider, Clovis Bray, Savathun, Mara Sov, Petra Venj (can’t read her very well), anyone who is loud or insistent or confusing 
Primary class (Dark): Stasis
Primary class (Light): Arcstrider
Motifs: Dark, cool blue/silver, viper and hawk symbolism
Likes: Learning about things, working with the Eliksni, being good at being a hunter, bows/glaives/swords, playing with Strand, Gambit (surprisingly)
Dislikes: Crucible, loud noises, fusion rifles, snipers because of the kick (despite being very good with them), shotguns, fans and most other guardians 
Fun fact: When Hoarfrost and Solaris found them, it was in a frigid part of old Russia, with Aeris holding Marcie close to his chest with his back to the door- they had frozen to death while trying to keep each other warm, and were under a thick layer of permafrost. When they were risen, they found out their names, their relationship to each other, and the fact that their father was a cheating bastard who produced Aeris after screwing an Awoken woman for the novelty of it because Marcie had a little diary in her front pocket, which had been somewhat preserved by the cold. Both their ghosts theorize that the reason why Aeris is so drawn to Stasis and Marcie to Solar is because of how they died, though neither guardian will say anything about it. He can also speak near-fluent Eliksni.
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Then there’s Marcie, younger half-sister to Aeris and the sun to his moon; she/her, Solar Titan, lesbian, lawful good. Where he is quiet and introverted, she is loud and bombastic, and where he likes to dart in and strike down his enemies from afar, she likes to punch. I just recently made her in Destiny because the character creation doesn't really match how I see her, hence why she's got Arc on here
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(closer to her actual face minus the blue eyes; this is a very old bloodborne pic)
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Unlike her half-brother, Marcie is a full human, and- according to the diary she rezzed with- was objectively her father's favorite, though the feeling was not mutual, and their relationship was strained by her taking so kindly to the bastard son he tried to send away. Compared to Aeris, she's bright, bubbly, and outgoing, but has a fierce temper, and is quick to snap if something has pushed her too far-think a jack russel's terrier of a human being. Her ghost's name is Solaris (previously Quicksilver), and she prefers the Light and Solar by far. Her preferred method of combat is to hit first, ask questions later, which can be incredibly effective or incredibly dangerous depending on who's on the opposite end of her wrath. Her and Aeris share many quests together, with me typically attributing all the seasons that I didn’t play to Marcie, given that I didn’t make a Destiny character for her for the longest time. 
She was best friends with Cayde, and was so devastated by his death that Aeris had to go instead, as she would have killed anything and everything in vengeance without a second thought. She did, however, kill Riven- something that Aeris himself was somewhat reluctant to do,given his fascination with the Ahamkara. She's stubborn as a mule, surprisingly strong despite her small stature (well, small-ish), and is an absolute massive lesbian, with her type specifically being 'big strong ladies who can kill me'- which was primarily why she wasn't allowed to fight Eramis, or other big hotties, as she has a pretty hardcore crush on her. (The second reason was that she would have stood and bickered with Eramis about the ethics of what she was doing until either one or the other yielded). Instead, she was assigned to work with Misraaks to evacuate House Light refugees, which ended up being a fortuitous partnership with the coming of the Endless Night. Now, her primary work for the Vanguard consists of aiding Eliksni refugees, along with general alien-human politics and tackling xenophobia, as well as working on being an apprentice Splicer. She is very, VERY passionate about equal rights and will drag you to the Crucible if you fight her- and good fucking luck winning against her, because she fucking loves the Crucible and will beat your ass everytime. She’s somewhat of a local celebrity in that reguard
Her deep fondness for her brother comes primarily from the fact that he is one of the few people to take her seriously without either asking her to calm down or come off as patronizing- he's also a well of stability to her excitable moods, the voice of reason to her hyperempathy. While he keeps her from biting off more than she can chew, she acts as his translator + guide, yanking him back onto the path of sanity if he starts to wander into the Deep, and helping him with dysfunction things that Hoarfrost can’t do. She also enjoys working through the data he collects, even if she has no desire to go searching for it herself, so they make a good pair- even if, like most siblings, they will argue over every little thing and sometimes drive each other up the walls with their stubbornness.
I've already mentioned that she got along with Cayde, but her other friends at the tower are Shaxx, Drifter, Saint-14, and Ada-1. Misraaks is her mentor, as well as one of the few people who can talk her down from stupid shit, with uh…questionable results. And while she couldn't stand the sight of Crow when Aeris dragged him back, she managed to befriend him reguardless, mostly because he was so different from the Uldren she remembered that she couldn’t help but accept him for who he was. She often went out drinking with him and Amanda, and was devastated when she died. 
People she likes: Cayde, Shaxx, Drifter, Saint-14, Ada-1, Misraaks, Crow, Amanda (rip), Caiatl
People she dislikes: Uldren Sov, The Osmium Siblings, The Spider, Lakshmi-2, anyone against the Eliksni or people who are rude to Aeris, Calus
Likes: Crucible, Gambit, fucking around with weapons in new and creative ways, going out to drink with friends, playfully flirting, helping with construction work around the Eliksni District, playing around with the Light, moths and other fuzzy creatures
Primary Class (Light): Solar
Primary Class (Dark): Strand
Dislikes: Fighting Eliksni, any exploding enemies that she can’t punch, bows because Aeris will always be better than her at using them, the fact that Aeris fucked Misraaks at one point for science, being alone, her inability to score a girl who isn’t a war criminal
Motif: crimson and gold, bears or lion with eagle wings
Fun fact: Her grasp on Eliksni is actually more fluent than Aeris, and she spends a good deal of her time in the Tower socializing with people while he’s off doing…whatever.
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Okay, now onto Petrichor-12, who decided to nope out of being a Guardian so I deleted their slot to make Marcie before I really did anything to dazzle them up
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Petrichor-12 is a now-retired guardian that actually came from a dream I had before I even played Destiny. They/them or he/him, neutral good, Void titan, ghost is seldom-speaking and called Whisper. Neutral good. I attribute them with D1 content, so they’re the guardian that killed Crota and Oryx, though Marcie and Aeris were also there to help.
Petrichor is an older, somewhat quiet, melancholy do-gooder that's been haunted by guilt ever since they found out the memories of who they were via the Deep Stone Crypt- a bodyguard for Clovis Bray that was turned to a path of anger, abuse, and violence after agreeing to be tested on for power, and got corrupted by the Darkness. This, paired with being rezzed in the Dark Ages, means that they have a lot of trauma surrounding violence, power, and the dilemma of being made to kill when all you want to do is save people. As such, Eramis's predicament troubles them greatly, and while it was them who gunned her down in conjunction with Aeris, they often found themselves returning to her frozen body on Europa to talk to her (presumed corpse) about Darkness corruption in a sort of venting monologue-advice system, which worked both as a way of fending off their troubles as well as keep an eye on her state- though now that she’s defrosted they’ve vowed never come near her again out of embarrassment. 
While retired, they are a stalwart defender of anyone who needs it and a keeper of peace, driven partially by a genuine desire to do good and a need to prove themselves not the person that they used to be. No longer able to mingle with other guardians or humanity at large due to PTSD from what they learned, they live in the Botza district as an ambassador between the Eliksni and humanity, they like to knit + quilt in their free time, teaching whichever hatchlings will listen and getting tutored on weaving by old Wolves in return. They're also 6'3", so…lorge. Zavala and Misraaks are the two people they talk to the most outside of the Eliksni refugees, and they drop by to say hi to Eva and knit with her whenever they have the chance. The war with the Witness is threatning to bring them out of retirement, something that they are deeply unhappy with. 
People he likes: Namrask, Misraaks, Saladin, Zavala, Ikora, Osiris (recently), Marcie and Aeris, Saint-14, Eris (complicated)
People they dislike: Themselves, Osiris (formerly), Eramis (reminds them of themselves), Ghaul, Oryx, Xivu Arath, Clovis Bray, anyone who goads them to fight, Elsie and Ana Bray by association, Rasputin 
Motif: gold and sapphire blue, used to have a gryphon motif but stopped wearing it because they don’t want to be recognized as the Kingkiller
Likes: Knitting, sewing, weaving, gardening, really anything restorative they can do with their free hands that forces their mind not to wander
Class (Light): Void, sometimes Arc
Class (Dark): no.
Dislikes: War, fighting, being a guardian, everything that has to do with what they used to be, anything Braytech sciences, the cumulative trauma from the Dark Ages and seeing recordings of who they used to be in the Deep Stone Crypt, their own fear of themselves
Fun fact: Petrichor-12 can speak Eliksni fluently, having modulated their voice and hearing to be able to incorporate the subsonic clicks and chirps in their speech, and is now working on learning Ulurant despite not at all liking the Cabal empire
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Ash: Another dream character of mine, and my newest Guardian (so she’s somewhat of a wip). She/her, solar + void warlock, chaotic neutral to lawful evil depending on her mood. Pansexual but bitchless. Rezzed in the tail end of the Dark Ages, just long enough for her to see how horrible everything was but not long enough to see the true extent of it. Scholar of the Light, and most recently a scholar of the Dark as well.
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Ash is a warlock with an awful temper, a moral code that changes on a whim, and a ravenous appetite for knowledge that comes at the cost of everyone else, including herself. Her ghost (an anxious and caring little lass) is called Nutmeg, and is pretty much the only indicator that she has a soft spot. Ash dedicated herself to learning how to get closer to the Light, but unlike the more conventional meditations that people usually do to, she was inspired by ancient Greek priestesses and decided for a more unconventional route- by doing hard drugs. By getting either extremely drunk or very high, she claims that she overcomes the need for meditation (or, rather, bypasses it entirely because she’s too impatient for it) and gains a deeper connection with her powers, as she’s connecting with it instinctually rather than choosing to seek it out. Nutmeg and many others are not as convinced about this method, but they also can’t deny that it doesn’t have its perks, as Ash does have a very powerful connection to her light- mainly through exploding things, or setting everything around her on fire. It’s how she used to survive the Warlords she’d steal from in the Dark Ages, and she’s known specifically for her ability to mimic a nova bomb, but with solar power, which is strong particularly for how unexpected it is. 
However, being constantly hungover and harbouring no friends doesn’t exactly have its benefits, and as a result Ash is almost always grumpy, abrasive, quick to anger, quick to turn to cruel jibes and mocking when being defensive (which is often), and is generally awful to be around. She has no friends other than Nutmeg (whose bond has become strained as of late, since Ash is now turning to substance abuse for coping with the impending threat of the Witness rather than simply using it for her studies), her apartment is an uncleaned shithole she only uses for crashing in when she’s particularly out of it, and she's constantly in a state of passive-aggressive warfare with Osiris, as she and him used to occasionally cross paths and share research; they might have had a student-teacher dynamic if they didn’t grate so abrasively, and if Ash wasn’t so much of a lone wolf. He’s tried to whip her into shape a couple of times, but to no avail- they just devolved into shouting matches. Pretty much the only people she listens to are the Drifter and Nutmeg, but whether or not she’ll actually take their advice is a toss-up. 
Despite this, she will overall always choose to do what's right and will begrudgingly trudge along with people in random strikes to ensure that important missions get done, as she fears failure more than she does judgment. And yet, to an extent she also fears judgment, for part of the reason why she’s so cruel is to keep people at arm’s length, so as to prevent them from learning her weaknesses- not even her constant complaining about being bitchless will cover up that the core reason why she makes no effort to clean herself up and be nicer is because she fears vulnerability. She’s also brilliant with the Light and cunningly adept with the Dark, which is why the Vanguard continues to ask for her help and expertise.   
People she likes: the Drifter, Hawthorne, Nutmeg, Eido, Toland, Shaxx to most everybody’s surprise
People she dislikes: Pretty much the whole Vanguard and 90% of other guardians, Saladin, the Iron Lords, Osiris, Misraaks, 
Primary class (Dark): Stasis, wants to learn Strand but has a hard time letting go
Primary class (Light): Solar, Void
Likes: Learning nuances of the Light that others don’t go into detail to, connecting with the Light, growing more powerful and shaping it into new, experimental Supers that would make Zavala have a heart attack if he saw them in action, taking leadership in Strikes and prodding around New Lights to teach them about what it is to be a Guardian (but gently), killing assholes to put them in their place, spooking people
Dislikes: Being told what to do, being reminded that she’s a mess, being reminded that she’s afraid and that her behavior is starting to turn self-detrimental, being looked down on by other Guardians, the restrictive nature of Vanguard protocol that keeps her from playing around with her experimental supers, guardians who have no respect or care about mortal lives, getting kicked from bars for fighting said guardians with no respect or care for mortal lives, being reminded that she has a soft side and cares so much for other people that it scares her
Colours/theme: black, flame-gold, and green
Fun fact: Likes the Hive aesthetic, and knows their tongue just for the hell of it. Has quite a bit of fun tormenting and taunting Hive Lightbearers, loves digging around the Osmium Siblings. Despite this, she’s not passionate about the Hive, and doesn’t care one bit if they’re wiped out or not. She also pretty much never takes off the Stag helm, as dropping a rift on death has saved her ass more than once, and tends to sleep in her robes. It’s a miracle that she doesn’t stink something awful, but smells perpetually like smoke instead.
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and last but not least: Viper-4, an ex-guardian who I have almost nothing on because he tends to be a side character: he/him, trans exo, primarily black chassis with red markings, not yet settled on alignment. A friend of Aeris, he's an ex-Hunter who is now the primary caretaker for a variety of venomous snakes whose species have survived the Collapse. He collects their venom to try to recreate old Golden-Age medicines and antivenom- which he does with Aeris's help- and had his forearms modded with soft silicone so that the snakes don't hurt him if they bite him. Generally a friendly and chill guy, but has a melancholy air as most Ghostless do, and wants to learn Strand so that he has some modicum of control over the elements again, as his lack of feeling the Light was the hardest part about his Ghost's death. Much like Brya and Sagira, his ghost sacrificed her to save him, but he blames himself for her death and pretty much entirely refuses to talk about it. Used to be quite adept with Void. I note that he's trans here because it carried over into his exo body, as he was raised with synthetic top surgery scars that were then worked into beautiful engravings of flowers, swords, and snakes by Viper-1
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scarrletmoon · 1 month
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okay
not to sadpost on main bc i do appreciate those “your friends don’t hate you!” posts but the problem is that when i suspect someone has an issue with me and won’t say it, ive been right. like i may be autistic but im highly sensitive to when someone im close to is upset with me and then continues to pretend like everything is fine, and it’s happened more than once
granted, it turns out the people who made me feel this way were kind of bad friends/totally incompatible no matter how much fun we had initially. i guess there’s just something about me that makes some people put me in the “tap dancing court jester” category in their heads bc the second i express how actually depressed or anxious i am, suddenly they want to run away fast but dont seem to know how to do it. so they just (unintentionally i think) project deeply uncomfortable vibes at me until i break down, and sometimes even then i don’t get a straight answer
im so worried all the time that im an awful person and people can smell it on me but keep waiting for me to guess that they don’t like me anymore, and it means im not always fully honest about how i feel around people i like bc it’s happened more than once
so i have a tendency to hold others at arms length bc i know i can be too much and too annoying and it’s a lot better to reject myself and walk away (yeah my fave character is ed teach, why do you ask) than have someone turn around months later and be like “actually you’re kind of a dick and i haven’t liked you for months”
i choose my close friends very carefully now and they just have to people who’ll be upfront with me when they’re feeling off — even if they’re not entirely sure what the off feeling is! — bc otherwise i just. completely fall apart. i am so scared all the time of turning into my mother. and when someone is my best friend, i REALLY mean that shit. so i just. idk. maybe my boundaries don’t make sense but there’s also a part of me that just can’t be friends with someone after i’ve hurt them in a certain way bc i can’t forgive myself. which is a me problem! but like. why would you want to be friends with someone that self centered. why would you want to be friends with someone who keeps stepping on your toes. at a certain point, me apologizing isn’t going to override the very real sting in your toes, even if it was all an accident
ANYWAY this is getting away from me and i just woke up so i probably shouldn’t personal post on main bc doing that has also gotten me into trouble bc people think im trying to vague about them so they’ll come and beg me for forgiveness or something but that’s not!!
“get a diary, freak” yeah you’re right, the internet isn’t my diary and i shouldn’t have used it as one since i was 12
anyway. anyway. this is gonna be a fun week 🙃
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hikari-drkspc · 1 year
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↬ yandere! bakugou with a darling who is a skilled cook
character: bakugou katsuki [boku no hero academia]
warning: borderline yandere ; MINORS/AGELESS BLOGS DNI, PUT YOUR AGE IN BIO/PINNED POST TO INTERACT
words: 506
a/n: this is a repost from my main blog (@/hikari-writes) so yes this writing is old + bad, i just moved them here w/o editing bc im lazy and wants to keep reminding myself how bad my writing used to be <3 also this was a request from my main blog! not rlly big on the yandere subject tho but since the request asked for "yandere" ill just put it here for extra measure.
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➳ At first, Bakugou won’t really mind you much. He always tried to avoid group hangouts though, so you rarely see him anyways. He only sees you as another extra from outside that just so happens to have a good relationship with the others in Bakusquad.
➳ But one day, you happen to make him some homemade meals since you’ve heard from others how unexpectedly skilled he is in the kitchen.
➳ He refused at first but after constant pestering, he gave up and tried it anyway.
➳ The food was amazingly delicious and it’s been a while since he had such delicious food.
➳ “It was better than I thought I guess.”
➳ It wasn’t the best compliment you’ve gotten from anyone but it still made you happy considering the fact that Bakugou don’t usually compliment others unless they really deserve it.
➳ Since then, you’ve been more and more close to him than before. You would still come to UA to bring sweets and meals for your friends but now Bakugou’s also in the picture.
➳ Whenever one of your friends is down, you would always come to hang out with them and bring their favourite sweets along. If they’re not the biggest fans of sweets, you would bring their favourite meals instead.
➳ Bakugou wouldn’t really mind this and think that it’s sweet of you to go out of your way to come there just to cheer up your friends.
➳ He would, however, get pretty jealous whenever you seem too comfortable with the other guys. After all, you need to pay attention to him and only him.
➳ He would sometimes use the excuse of “a match to see who’s better at cooking” just so you would come and eat his cooking and vice versa.
➳ He very much enjoyed your cooking, though he’ll never say it aloud. It just radiates warmth and kindness like a true homemade meal.
➳ He’s not a big fan of sweets but if it’s yours, he’ll make sure to eat it until there’s nothing left.
➳ Sometimes, he would even steal the other’s foods that you made for them and eat it. This usually happens with Kaminari but we all knew that.
➳ Whenever Kaminari was about to put the food into his mouth, it was snatched away from him. Of course he would be frustrated and get angry at Bakugou but only for a moment when he saw Bakugou’s deathly glare.
➳ “Shut up! A dunce face like you won’t know how to appreciate a good food.”
➳ It sounded a little mean on Kaminari’s side but you can’t help but to be a little bit happy that Bakugou holds the food that you make to such high regards.
➳ You’ll definitely make him more and more food and while he won’t say it, he loves you for that.
➳ You two would also sometimes cook together which will make the others in the group to ship you two together. You two were almost like newlyweds and to be honest, Bakugou was ready to be your *cough*husband*cough* as soon as you graduate.
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