#clark is going to need a lot of therapy and mom lane needs a divorce tbh

[hedgiwithapen]

Oooh can we get a continuation of that ‘bb!Clark kidnapped by US Govt’ au—in which tween Lois is accompanying her dad on a Take Your Child to Work Day or something, and (sneaks off and) meets his trainee superweapon? Or maybe Sam brings Clark home for dinner one night to acclimate him to average human life before an undercover mission?

followup to this one from earlier this DHD weekend! It came down to the babysitter coming down with the flu. Reluctantly, Sam assured Mandy this would be a one time occurrence, and then sat Lucy and Lois down in an empty conference room, with a stack of coloring books, markers, textbooks, and a backpack full of distractions and snacks from home.

“Stay in here. Do not leave this room,” he said, giving his girls each a quick, loose hug. “Lois, do your homework. Lucy, draw something nice for us to take to Mommy, ok? If you get bored, uh.. just… text me, I’ll have something else for you to do.”

Lucy saluted, already scribbling. Lois saw her dad wince as the markers skipped across the paper and onto the table. “Ok, sir,” she said, but she could see the look on his face, and beamed, like it was just a joke. It was, mostly.

“Lo, I mean it. Stay put.”

She nodded, serious. The minute he was gone, she glanced into her palm. His keycard almost glittered in the light. She grinned, and then sighed.

She did her homework. Both her parents--usually Mom, on her good days-- insisted homework had to come first. She did six math problems of the fifteen assigned, which was basically half, right? Swinging her legs, she looked at her Language arts assignment, which was the same as starting it, which was close enough to finishing it. She could write a book report in her sleep, and who needed to study for a spelling test, anyways?

Lucy kept coloring.

"I'm gonna go explore," Lois told her sister.

"Daddy said to stay here," Lucy said.

"Yeah, well, I'm going anyways. You in?"

"I'm coloring," Lucy said, very serious. Lois took that as a 'no.'

The keycard locks made a very satisfying beep and click noise, lighting up green when she pressed her dad's badge against them. The first few rooms she poked her head into were empty, or boring. Filing cabinets were cool to climb on, but She was getting too big for that, and they never had much interesting in them, just papers. Adults loved papers.

One room was labeled 'secure, no unauthorized personnel' which Lois thought was a great sign, literally and figuratively. There had to be something really cool through it. She swiped the keycard against the scanner, already up on her tiptoes like that would get her in faster.

The light inside was red, like the photo darkroom she'd seen on a school trip once. "Coooool," Lois breathed, peering around. Movement drew her eye, and she took a step back, already rehearsing the story she'd give if she got caught.

Her eyes adjusted before whoever it was could yell at her, and she realized why.

A boy about her age was sitting in the corner on a camping cot, looking at her with wide blue eyes.

She took a step forward. "Hi," she said, boldly, sticking out a hand. "I'm Lois. Who are you?"

"I…I'm a weapon," the boy said with uncertainty, not moving to shake. Lois frowned.

"I'm a journalist-in-training," she said, finally dropping her arm. "But I was asking your name."

He blinked, lifting a hand to his neck. Lois's eyes widened. "Oh my god," she said. "That's--um. Are you…ok?" She'd thought for a second he was like her, waiting for a parent to finish work, but that was a shock collar. Like the kind for dogs. And he still hadn't given her a name, and she wasn't much good at math but one plus one absolutely made two and this plus that absolutely made This Is Bad.

"No," the boy said, in such a small voice it broke her heart.

She crossed the room fast. It was easy, being much taller than it was long or wide. "Um, it's gonna be ok," she tried. They were empty type words, words people used when nothing was going to be ok, but this was something that could be fixed. Her fingers felt for a latch, and found a sensor instead.

Her Dad couldn't have known about this. He wouldn't. But he had a lot of clearance, so maybe the card would be programed anyways? She tried it, and a red light clicked off as the collar dropped away. "Is that better?" she asked, hopefully. The boy just shrugged.

"I--think so," he said. "I want to go home."

"Okay," Lois said. "We just have to find my dad. He's gonna be mad I stole his card, but that's okay! it's for the greater good. He'll fix this." She reached for the boy's hand, tugging him to his feet. "C'mon."

Opening the door again was easy, but she hadn't realized it was soundproofed until she opened the door. Some kind of alarm was going. Glancing up, she noticed for the first time the camera pointed at the door, stuck to the ceiling. She would have waved, sheepishly, at getting caught, but she was too angry.

A bunch of people in the uniform her dad wore stood in the hall, blocking the way back to the conference room. They held guns. Lois swallowed. "I'm Lois Lane," she said. "My dad's General Samuel Lane. He's in charge. He outranks you. I need to talk to him." They were the words he'd taught her if the military ever tried to intimidate her, and they sure were trying now.

"Lois," her dad's voice echoed over footsteps, and Lois's heart leaped even as she felt the boy behind her shrink back. Like he was scared. She was scared too, of the guns, but not of her dad.

"Dad, some people were holding this boy pr--"

"Lois, get away from it, right now."

"It?" she echoed, blinking in confusion.

"Now, Lois. That's an order."

"Dad?" she asked. "I don't… you--knew about him?"

"It's a weapon, Lois. It'll hurt you. Come over here."

"No." She couldn't. She wouldn't. Something in her gut told her that this was wrong. She trusted that more than her dad. It hadn't failed her yet. She gripped the boy's hand tight. "I won't let you hurt him."

"Clark," the boy whispered behind her, still sounding so scared, like he thought it might be the last thing he'd get to say. She nodded.

"I won't let you hurt Clark," she corrected herself.

She saw the hesitation in her father's eyes. She lifted her chin.

"Lois…" her father said. He closed his eyes, and lifted a hand.

The soldiers in the hall lowered their guns.

#dammit hedgi day 2023 #My Adventures With Superman #Lois Lane #Same Lane #Clark Kent #implied happy ending? i guess? as happy as it can be with uh ma and pa still dead #clark is going to need a lot of therapy and mom lane needs a divorce tbh

[argyle-s]

SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS CHAPTER 11/?

Rating: Mature (For Later Chapters)

Read at Ao3

Start at the Beginning

Alex shows up at Cat's office, but the visit isn't quite what Cat expects.

Chapter 11 - Of Lighthouses and Shovel Talks

If there was one thing in the world Cat hated more than rich white men who thought they were smarter than her, it was getting knowing looks from employees. Any other day, she would have curtailed it by just demoting someone to the mailroom, but her reign of terror was taking a serious blow, because she couldn’t stop smiling long enough to muster an intimidating glare.  What’s worse, instead of inspiring fear, like it usually did, she could see amusement on everyone’s face because they all knew *why* she was smiling.  She had seriously considering ordering them all into the conference room on thirty-eight and having maintenance brick up the door.  Sadly, that idea was ruined by the fact that her girlfriend would hear the screams and the cries of ‘For the love of God, Montressor’ and rescue the worthless minions.

Still, it was worth it.  Oh, she absolutely should have done the responsible thing and spent the rest of their scheduled meeting working out details and rules of their new relationship, because she was the practical sort.  Instead she’s spent ninety minutes on the balcony making out like she was a teenager.  If she was honest, she’s had honeymoons that made her less excited that getting to second base with Kara.

She’d wanted to take Kara out to dinner after work, but a broken tow line had resulted in cargo barge hitting a cruise ship in Nation’s bay.  Supergirl had spent hours holding the ship up out of the water while the coat guard had welded temporary patches over the huge hole in the side of the cruise ship. Kara had called her afterwards, telling her she needed some time under the sunlamps to recover.

They’d talked for a while.  Cat had teased Kara about the ‘mystery’ weekend, which was sadly still eight days away.  Kara had pouted, which was far less effective when she couldn’t bring the puppy dog eyes to bear.  Reluctantly, they’d said their goodbyes over the phone, and Cat had gone to bed wishing Kara was with her, and for the first time, not ashamed of it.

She’s been a little disappointed when she’d gotten an early morning text about putting out a wildfire upstate, but she was still ridiculously happy.

“Miss Grant?”

Cat looked up from the photo proofs she’d been reviewing to see Eve standing in the doorway to her office and an annoyed Alex Danvers leaning against Eve’s desk with an impatient expression on her face.

“It’s okay,” Cat said.  “Agent Danvers is always welcome.”  She saw the shock on Eve’s face, because the day she’d met Eve, she’d explained that the only people who got in to see her without prior approval were Carter, Kara and Lois.  Adding someone else to that list was a big deal.  “Add Eliza Danvers and J’onn J’onzz to that list as well.”

“Yes, Ms. Grant.”

Eve stepped back out of the office, and waved Alex through.  Cat set down the proof she was working on and settled back in her chair, bracing herself. She supposed she should have expected this.  After all, she knew how protective she was of Kara, and hadn’t she mentioned to the girl that there were plenty of people willing to burn the world to keep her warm?

“May I sit?” Alex asked.

“Of course,” Cat said, keeping the tension out of her voice by sheer force of will.  If this went badly, she and Kara might well be over before they even started.  Kara wouldn’t choose her over Alex for any number of reasons, not the least of which is there was no way in the world Cat would let her.  Eliza, Alex, J’onn and Winn were Kara’s family.

“Thanks,” Alex said as she sat down, and Cat couldn’t help but notice she looked like she’d been crying.

“Are you okay, Agent Danvers?” Cat asked.

“No,” Alex said.  “I’m really not.”

Cat felt her heart seize, because she could only think of one reason Alex would come to her when she was upset.  Apparently, her concern showed on her face, because Alex’s reaction was immediate.

“Kara’s fine,” Alex said.  “Well, fine might be a bit of a stretch.  She’s high as a kite right now, but that will wear off in a few hours.”

“High?” Cat asked.

“Yeah,” Alex said.  “She went to help put out a wildfire this morning, and it turns out the fire got started on a pot farm, and, well, unlike alcohol, Kryptonian physiology doesn’t process cannabinoids so fast it doesn’t have time to impact their physiology.  She put out the fire, but she inhaled enough of the smoke that she’s gonna be stoned for at least another five or six hours.”

“Oh, dear. Is the city’s food supply safe?” Cat asked, fighting back laughter.

Alex grinned.  “The DEO is ordering two large Hawaiian pizzas and fifty Mango Ghost Pepper Wings from Piefection every half hour.  Pot always makes her crave spicy food.”

“I’m afraid to ask why you know that,” Cat said.

“You’ve never noticed Kara’s ‘period chocolate’?” Alex asked, slightly surprised.

“I had,” Cat said.  “But I didn’t look too closely.  I go through three bags of Ghirardelli Dark Chocolate Peppermint Bark every month myself.”

“Kara’s had a medical card since she was thirteen. It’s the only thing mom could find that was effective at treating Kryptonian strength period cramps.  Fair warning, the little twerp doesn’t share.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Cat said.  “So, what can I do for you, Agent Danvers?”

“Call me Alex.”

“Okay.  I suppose you should probably call me Cat.”

“Right.  Okay. Um…” Alex took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “I need some advice.”

“From me?” Cat said.

“Yeah,” Alex said.

“I admit, I’m surprised.  I assumed I was in for a shovel talk.  Actually, I think I expected at least three of them. Possibly four, if I ever decide to let Clark back in the building.  Though I expected the one from Winslow would be especially amusing.”

“I would actually pay to see that,” Alex said. “But no.  Kara showed me the paperwork you gave her.  I’ll admit, I was pissed off by some of the things on the list, but I’ve seen you with her, and I know how much of your own time you’ve spent taking care of her with the whole Doomsday thing and the James thing. And I figure anyone who is willing to burn down thirty years of their life to make amends for it when they think they’ve crossed the line might be worth a second chance.”

“And you know I’ll already aware of what you will do to me if I hurt your little sister,” Cat observed.

“Yeah, they won’t find the body,” Alex said.

“If I ever hurt her, Alex, I promise you I will hand you the shovel.”

“After talking to Lois, I believe that,” Alex said.

“Lois Lane?”

“Yeah,” Alex said.  “I needed to deal with the Clark situation anyway, and I had to be sure. I mean, after the paperwork, I figured you were on the level, but this is Kara.”

“And Kara always wants to see the best in people,” Cat finished.

“Yeah,” Alex said.  “I mean, I get it.  It’s how she copes.  She gets up in the morning, and shoves down every shitty thing that’s ever happened to her into a place so deep it can’t hurt her, and the happiness and joy and optimism are the cork in the bottle.  But I’ve been looking out for her for some long it’s like a reflex.  I want to step on anything that so much as looks at her funny.”

“And I’m definitely a threat,” Cat said.

Alex shrugged.  “She loves you,” Alex said.  “I don’t know how long that love has involved the desire to do things that I beg both of you to never, ever tell me about, but she was star struck by you before she even applied at CatCo.  I’m pretty sure she’d do almost anything you asked.  So, I had to be sure.  I figured Lois would give me all the dirty, since, you know, you too make this huge show of hating each other.  Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be total bullshit, and I find out she’s in love with you too.”

Cat flinched, and immediately hated herself for showing weakness.  “I think you’re reading a little too much into whatever it was she said.  Any feelings Lois might have had for me are long gone.”

“Maybe,” Alex said.  “I mean, her exact words were, ‘Clark is the love of my life, but that doesn’t mean I ever stopped being in love with Cat, or that I will ever be over her,’ so I could see how I might be misinterpreting things.”

“Well, Lois’ has never been good at laying out her point in a clear and concise manner,” Cat said, but than a little surprised to hear what Lois had said.

“I know,” Alex said.  “You’d think a Pulitzer Prize Winner wouldn’t be so damn vague, but once I told her why I was calling, she told me a lot of stuff.  About how the two of you got together.  About how much she loved you, but how she couldn’t seem to stop herself from hurting you.  About how much she wanted to be with you and but couldn’t convince herself to take the hit that coming out in the early nineties would have been.  About how you begged her to go to couples counselling, and about how she left you because she thought you deserved someone who wouldn’t be ashamed of what they felt for you.”

“That’s why she left?” Cat asked.  She regretted it immediately, because the question had just slipped out without any filter at all.

“According to her,” Alex said.

Cat took a deep breath and let it out slowly, repeating the process several times as she stomped down on her anger.  “Well, if that’s the case, I think I’m going to speak with my accountant and see about sending her a bill for all four divorces and twenty-five years’ worth of therapy bills.”

“I know the feeling,” Alex said, and Cat was a little surprised at the anger in her voice.  “Trying to understand women is a little like trying to understand Morse Code over a staticky line while your being shot at, and the person transmitting is sending a message in ancient high Kandoran.”

Cat let out a small laugh and had to reach up to cover her mouth to keep from laughing harder, but Alex looked up at her, and Cat could see the annoyance behind those eyes for a moment.  If faded fast though.  When Cat was sure she could control herself, she moved her hand.

“Romantic difficulties?” Cat asked.

“Kind of,” Alex said.  “Honestly, that’s sort of why I’m here.”

“Oh?” Cat said.

“Yeah.  I um… I mean, we don’t know each other well, and I don’t usually ask anyone for advice, but Kara is always talking about the way you’re able to cut through the bullshit and get right to the heart of the problem.  And considering you’ve got my sister, Lois and Lucy Lane, and pretty much the entire Autostraddle readership worshiping the ground you walk on, I thought maybe you could help steer me in the right direction.”

“You’re asking me for romantic advice?” Cat asked, not quite sure how this conversation had taken a turn for the surreal so quickly.

“I guess so,” Alex said.  “Kara said you’d even written a book.”

“Not one of my better works,” Cat said, “but yes.”

“I, um…  I met this woman,” Alex said.  “And I developed feelings.”

“That does happen,” Cat said.

“Yeah.  Um, not so much to me before, but yeah.  She called me out on it, and it scared me, but I got over it and I came out to Kara, and I told this woman how I felt, and I kissed her and…” Alex trailed off, the words clearly coming with increasing difficulty as she got closer to the point.

“She didn’t feel the same way,” Cat said.

“No,” Alex said.  “She didn’t.  She said she didn’t want to get involved with someone who was fresh off the boat.”

“I see,” Cat said.  “What exactly are you looking for, Alex?”

“I don’t know,” she said.  “I mean, it’s not really a break up, but if I’m honest, I was always relieved when a guy dumped me.  Which probably should have clued me into the fact that I’m apparently a huge lesbian.  This… it hurts.  I think about her all the time, and I just hate that I still want to be with her when she doesn’t want me, and I feel humiliated that the first time I’ve ever cared about someone like that, I’m not good enough for them.  And I just…  I need to know how to move on.  And I don’t want to drag up any painful memories for you, but when Lois told me what happened, I thought…  You’ve been through this and maybe you could tell me how to make it stop feeling like someone cut me open and hollowed me out inside.”

Cat watched as Alex sat there, pouring her heart out.  Somewhere about half way through, Alex had started crying, and Cat felt her heart breaking for the other woman.  She normally hated seeing people cry, but apparently, women named Danvers were a weak spot for her otherwise prickly exterior.  Besides, this one was an easy fix.  After all, she had written the book.

“She didn’t say she didn’t want you,” Cat said.

“What?” Alex asked.

“Alex, if you’re telling me everything, then she didn’t say she didn’t want you.  She said she was nervous about getting involved with someone who’d just come out. And given that, prior to your sister, the most meaningful relationship of my life turned into a disaster because, among other things, the woman I was in love with was so deeply closeted that she would treat me like she hated me in public, and I was so hurt I couldn’t stop myself from lashing out in return, I can understand her point.  It doesn’t mean she’s right, but I can understand it.”

“Then what do I do?” Alex asked.

“Don’t be fresh off the boat,” Cat said.  Alex gave her a confused look, and Cat sighed and reached down, opening one of the draws in her desk and pulling out a paperback book. “I had originally intended to give this to your sister when she was pining for Oslen, but then two of my employees went all revengy, aliens mind controlled the whole city, and before I could give her the book, the two of them seemed to sort it out.  So, today is your lucky day.”  She held out the book to Alex.

“The Lighthouse Technique?” Alex asked, giving the book a dubious expression.

“Yes,” Cat said.  “Like I said, not my best work, but it got me a spot on Oprah.  The point is, this woman…”

“Maggie,” Alex said.

“This Maggie is interested, but she afraid you’re going to get cold feet and go scampering back to Narnia, or realize this is just an experiment, or something equally ridiculous.  So, you need to allay those fears.  Show her you’re the outest, proudest lesbian on the block. Make yourself shiny and attractive, but most of all, make yourself unavailable.  When she sees everything you have to offer being offered to someone else, it will drive her crazy, and sooner or later, she’ll come to you, hat in hand.”

“But how do I do that?”

“That’s a good question,” Cat said as she reached for her phone.  “Are you free Friday night?” Cat asked as she flicked through her contacts.

“Baring an alien invasion,” Alex said.

“Good,” Cat said as she hit the send button, and raised the phone to her ear.

“CAT!” the woman on the other end of the line responded.

“Hey, Claire,” Cat replied.  “How are you this morning?”

“Oh, you know how it is.  I deal with nothing but lawyers and FBI agents all day.”

“You’re a Federal Judge, Claire,” Cat said.

“I know,” Claire replied.  “My mother is so ashamed.”

“Your mother is a Hippy who hasn’t realized the sixties are over.”

“This is true,” Claire said.  “Now, tell me darling, why did you call?  Finally decided you needed a younger woman in your life after all?”

“Yes, but her name is Kara, and she’s the jealous type.”

“The assistant!  Oh, Cat, that is so cliché!  I love it!”

Cat glanced up at Alex who has an utterly bewildered expression on her face, and grinned.  “Well, you’re going to love this even more.  She’s got an absolutely gorgeous sister who’s an FBI agent.”

“Please tell me she’s gay,” Claire said.

“Just out of Naria, dear,” Cat said, smiling at the sudden look of panic on Alex’s face.  “The problem is, the toaster oven recipient doesn’t want to date someone who’s fresh off the boat.”

“Oh, the poor little baby gay!  This will never do!” Claire replied.  “Send me a picture.”

Cat took the phone away from her ear and activated the Camera, snapping a picture of a slightly shocked Alex and sending it to Claire.

“Oh, the poor dear has been crying, too,” Claire said. “Friday night?”

“I’ll text you her phone number.  Seven O’clock good for you?”

“Yes,” Claire said.  “Tell her to bring her handcuffs!”

Cat laughed as Claire hung up.  She looked over at Alex.

“You have a date with Claire Deangelo Friday night at 7:00 PM,” Cat said.

“The warrant judge?” Alex squeaked.

“Oh, you know her then?” Cat asked.

Alex shook her head.  “Not personally, but she signs about half our warrants.”

“Well, I suggest you don’t take any for her to sign Friday.  But do dress up.  I’ll have Eve arrange a town car.”

“Um… but… where will I take her?” Alex asked.

Cat rolled her eyes.  “You really are just as bad as your sister.  Eve will arrange a town car.  GLAAD is holding a fundraiser Friday night.  I usually just send my donation by courier, but you can take the tickets.  There’s an open bar, and Claire is a divine dance and despite being a huge flirt won’t expect anything but a bit of pleasant company for the evening, so relax. You’ll go, you’ll get your picture taken with a beautiful, successful woman on your arm, and if those pictures just happen to find their way in front of Maggie, well, it’s not your fault.”

Alex stared at her for moment, her jaw hanging down slightly, before she seemed to shake herself out of it.  “I’m not sure if you’re brilliant, or crazy, but please don’t ever go Supervillain,” she said.  “We wouldn’t have a chance.”

“Of course you wouldn’t,” Cat said.  “I’m me.”

“Thank you,” Alex said.  “Not just for this.  For taking care of my sister, and for dealing with Clark and James.”

“You can thank me when your Maggie comes to you begging for a date.  Now give me her contact information so I can make sure she sees the pictures of you and Claire.”

#supergirl #supercat #kara danvers #cat grant #kara x cat #fanfic #fanfiction #slow burn #something just like this