#doesn't help that physically I've been in a downward spiral for a while now | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cybernightart · 8 months

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This isn't very well written out because it's 1 am and I just have to get this out so I can sleep lol

Very heavy Gency content!

Okay so I've seen quite a few people say they don't like gency purely for the reason that it would put mercy in a position of constantly looking after Genji like she does with every one and it's the role she gets put into all the time but I would like to present this idea. (More than likely nowhere near unique idea and is definitely been depicted before but this is just how I view their relationship)

While in everyday stuff mercy is the caretaker and the one that looks after everyone and makes sure everyone is healthy and okay, we know she is not very good taking care of herself in the same way. So, I very much picture in their relationship Genji more often than not is the one taking care of her, he makes her food, she makes sure she's taking care of herself, he physically lifts her away from her desk and carries her to bed because she has not slept in far too long, and she's just overall destroying her own because she is clawing and scraping for every drop of energy that she can put back into trying to help people while completely ignoring herself. She has been helping people for so long that she doesn't fully know how to justify helping herself, so Genji helps pull her away from this downward spiral of basing her worth off of how much she can help others, I either mentally or physically pulling her away from her work and taking care of her and being with her.

End of the exact same time mercy is allowing Genji to be something he wasn't allowed to before, when he was in the shimada clan he saw the name sparrow for being too soft and small and having too big of a heart for what was needed, they tried to turn him into a heartless killer and when he didn't want to and he said no they tried to have him killed. And with that not working, they unintentionally succeeded on their goal of turning Genji into a weapon, he was raised and now made especially in black watch for the sole purpose of revenge, destruction and death. Thanks to zenyatta he was able to come to terms with his body and see he is not a weapon he is Genji, he is his own person that his past is not determine him but rather forms a part of him which is ever growing. And even now he is still a ninja, that is something that will never change, but he is still deadly and dangerous and can be brutal swift and efficient, but when he's with Angela he can be soft and caring and be something other than a bringer of death. He can be gentle, cuddly and warm with her. She needs someone to force her to take care of herself and he wants nothing more than to just take care of her, obviously she takes care of him too but Genji is doing more small but meaningful and big gestures.

Genji when he's with mercy can lay there just holding and cuddling with her, that nothing else around the matters, he gets to live this unfamiliar but amazing feeling of pure love, pure love that brings an uncontrollable grid to his face whenever he gets to hold her. And even when they're just together, he can stand near her, be by her side, protect her and take care of her. And he knows she does not need him to protect her, if someone tried she would kick their butt.

So in short mercy gets to take a break from giving and receives, and Genji gets a break from brutally taking and gets to give.

I Can also see this playing into the Love languages I picture them having, they both love quality time, Genji loves giving acts of service, while mercy loves giving words of affirmation. And without dangerous their jobs are, and Genji wearing armor 99% of the time whenever he gets a chance to take off his armor, love physical affection. They'll both just constantly be touching each other in some way, like Genji moving Angela's hair out of her face/brushing his hand against his arm/pulling her in for a full embrace will he buries his face into her neck, or like mercy running her fingers through Genji's hair/holding his face in her hands and running her thumb gently against his scars/holding Genji's hand (or fingers) whenever he seems nervous.

Like I don't have the words to describe how I imagine fully their love being except for like comforting warm fire, like a fuzzy blanket with a warm drink cuddled up on the couch with a crackling fire as it blizzards outside, just pure love not only romantic but also best friends, they could just sit talking for hours being in each other's company and even sit in silence comfortably and just being together is enough.

Vibes like the one song "rises the moon" calming almost like a lullaby or "golden hour"

I have no idea if any of that made sense because I'm exhausted but I hope I at least got some of my point across.

#overwatch #overwatch 2 #genji #genji shimada #mercy #gency #angela ziegler #gency fluff #fluffy relationship stuff #its 1 am #i just had to get it out #i suck with words XD #overwatch headcanons

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museenkuss · 1 year

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Thank you for your nonjudgmental and thorough response.

I guess you can say I started reading that stuff last summer, unplanned. I was looking thru some tags and I stumbled upon a Rey/Ben solo one. Just clicked and read it without even realizing what I was getting into.

And after I saw the tags, I was scared tbh. I felt gross but it only made me curious to know why a big chunk of authors were writing this trope. And even more people reading it. So I got into it.

After awhile it became cathartic. I read it not because I found sexual pleasure in it, but I could see my naive self as a teenager in these characters. I was sexually assaulted a lot by strangers and related men. Till the point that I didn’t even physically react after awhile. This was me growing up in a 3rd world country. Consent was an alien concept and still is.

So now my head normalizes all the dark, gore and taboo topics. For me I feel freer everytime I read some fucked up shit. But I’d KILL someone if they went after someone young IRL. I’d protect them with my life. I don’t okay that shit IRL.

I just get lost in the fictional world. And I know it’s bad, trying to get outside that mental state but whenever I read fluffy stuff I don’t find enjoyment in it.

Sorry this got a lot. And I hope it doesn’t weird you out. I just felt like sharing it with you.

Thank you for sharing! I'm incredibly sorry you've had these experiences, that's beyond horrible. My heart goes out to you and I hope you're at a safe place where you can heal and grow.

In general - but especially with this context - I just need to say again that reading dark stories (or engaging with dark topics in fiction in general) doesn't make you a bad person. Fluffy stories aren't for everyone. There's a little webcomic that came to mind that you might've come across on tumblr already with the caption "different stories resonate with different people". Maybe it's a little more focused on the writer, but it's still very relevant here I think. To me, it really summarised the whole question of "why do you read/write stuff like that????" - Because sometimes, it helps.

That's why it made me sad when you said you "know it's bad", because really, reading those stories isn't a bad thing. You're reading something, that's all. That's not hurting anyone. I know I keep repeating myself but I know we can feel shame or guilt about things we engage with or have an interest in and I don't want you to feel that way. It seems that you found yourself reading something that resonated with you based on your experiences. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Also, you're not alone in this. Finding certain tags and being shocked, intrigued, curious or scared, and then doing research, reading some more, reading a lot more - it's not uncommon at all. It happened to me, too. Sometimes, I look back at stories I was super invested in and liked a lot and am surprised at how dark they are. But then I think that at the time, they helped me in some way. I read them for a reason, maybe I needed to read them. I don't feel guilty for that. Maybe in the future I'll look back at stuff I'm reading right now and will be equally shocked, but right now that's what I want to read for one reason or another.

If you start to notice that it's actively making you miserable, I'd advise you to switch gears for a while because sometimes, we can be stuck in a downward spiral and (intentionally, maybe) make ourselves miserable. I've been there before and found myself binge watching south park (of all things) because it made me feel horrible and I was sad and stressed. In that case, I had to tell myself at some point "this isn't helping me, I just end up feeling worse about myself, also I'm procrastinating doing things I have to do or enjoy doing by doing something I don't enjoy." - if that sounds familiar, maybe try stepping away. In either case, be kind with yourself.

This got SO long again, but I hope it was still a little helpful. Again, I'm sending a lot of love!

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jasonsgreensleeves · 2 years

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Cpap Therapy - 6 nights in

Hi there, I'm Jason and this is my first post on Tumblr. My posts on other platforms are usually about plants and nature. We'll get to that on here too, but I was recently diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on Cpap therapy. I felt Tumblr would be a good site to talk about it. About a month ago I was diagnosed with sleep apnea after a sleep study and my ahi score was 16, which means that I have about 16 sleep apneas per hour while I'm 'sleeping' (or trying to sleep) at night. My airway closes partially or fully, but enough to signal a fight or flight response to my brain to breath. This happens over and over again through the night. Thinking back on it, this may have developed in me when I was a young teenager; I've had resless leg syndrom and nocturia for a long time. Sleep apnea, supposedly only makes those worse and worsens insomnia; left untreated sleep apnea becomes worse and can become a downward spiral. I live a very healthy lifestyle and have read Dr. Matthew Walkers amazing book about sleep. It's an incredible book and as much as it doesn't cure sleep apnea, it is full of words of wisdom. His book has helped me so much on my journey in life.

For the longest time I'd eat a healthy diet, portion/time caffeine and alcohol for periods of time and would essentially do everything I needed to do to get a good nights sleep, I even did the 90 days without caffeine to improve sleep and for some reason no matter what I did, I couldn't figure out why I wasn't waking up rested. I've met and done full physicals with my doctor annually for years. I mentioned this to my doctor recently and was referred into a sleep study where I was tested for sleep apnea and tested positive for obstructive sleep apnea.

So how do I feel now? Well, I'd say I noticed a difference on day one after using my Cpap machine (Airsense11) the previous night for the first time. It's as though I got a glimmer of a brain boost and the lense of my perception of the world was made a smidge, or I should say quite a decent smidge sharper. I could tell that something good had happened to me, especially my brain. The next morning following night two on my Cpap was even better and it was either that morning or the morning after that for some reason I had the urge to play 'The Monkey's' music which I used to listen to probably around the ages of 5-7 years old...I don't think I've even thought of them much in forever, I don't know why I haven't...they are awesome!

Fast forward, last night was my 6th night on Cpap and this whole process up to this point has been feeling as though I'm waking from some sort of coma to a brighter reality. It's quite amazing! I used my map app on my cell phone today and instead of just reading it, I quickly did the math in my head without much thinking much when I looked at it, it wasn't difficult, but definitely a change of perception.

Being diagnosed with sleep apnea and put on Cpap therapy has been so healing and is continuing to change everything. Each day, I'm feeling sharper, stronger, calmer, happier and filled with more energy.

It's as though I'm coming to life in ways that define a new base line of what life is. Perhaps the base line was always there, but because of sleep apnea, the lines were blurred and what I though was my 'baseline', was not. I've been experiencing stress and probably damage to my health for a long time and have just been fueling burnout. I've accomplished a lot in life, people with sleep apnea can accomplish a lot, it's just at the expense of our health.

I'm healing now and am so grateful.

#sleep apnea #cpap machine #cpap #jasonsgreensleeves

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cursedfortune · 3 years

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"You think just because you put your Filthy MORTAL HANDS ON ME that I'd be GRATEFUL to yOu?" The unhinged madman cried, his flesh growing and mutating as agony coursed through his body. Fingers dug into the flesh of his ripping skull on one side whilst decaying purple muck ejected for mortem's body on the other if only just to banish her from him his vacinity. For now.

@sclitarydivinity

It's happening again.

Longer and longer he has come to stay coherent. Moody still? Of course. That has always been okay; the witch would take Zamasu's emotions over his outright violence any day. She tells herself it's okay while he mutates and reminds herself it's progress even if he reverses temporarily. Relapses happen. It's not like he'll suddenly like her or mortals anytime soon. If there was one thing she always excelled at (much to her enemy's dismay) it was playing the long game. It's mainly knowing the pain he'll endure that is the worst of it. She doesn't look at him so agonizingly because she is hurting or is worried about poor results being gained. No, she's empathetic - as if to make up for where he still isn't.

In the beginning she thrived more on his hurt, his anger; because good, mortals and gods alike deserved justice for his actions and she would be the universe's retribution unto him. Now it's of a different flavor after all this time. She came not to destroy but to heal.

...But she has only really ever healed herself.

Wild magic couldn't help him in the way it has others. This wasn't no mere flesh wound despite his physical shape being affected - this was a sickness of the mind, of the soul. Something she knows to be nearly impossible to come back from. And those that do often seldom resemble who they once were.

Lashing out at her like so does not deter her. Mortem lifts her arms to defend herself, skidding back a few feet in the process. With a downward thrust of her limbs she clears away the decaying flesh from herself. Anything else left on her person is ignored, it's not her priority.

"I don't want your gratefulness, Zamasu!" The witch planted her foot firmly; her burning coal eyes seeking his steel - what a beautiful sword they could craft together in a kinder universe.

"I want you! Give me your hurt if you must, it'll only bring these hands closer to your soul. I'll see you restored, godling, and I'll come to know what a smile on your face actually looks like when not caked in my blood!" Her tone and the look on her face may be threatening but the intent she exudes doesn't come with hostility. It comes with a promise. If he cannot hear her he will feel her.

She wants to know his soul, she needs to. This corrupted, twisted being could not last. What would become of the universe if she failed, if he managed to break her spell and snuff her out? Left like this on his own, unstable and wrathful yet towards mortals. There would be nothing left. Any potential life that sprouted he'd executed instantaneously. This wasn't a matter of hoping for the best. She needed to be the best and needed him to become it, as well.

"I don't want you to feel obligated to me. I've already accepted you, you fool! What I want is for you to have some fucking common sense again!" Mortem can see he wasn't always this way. It didn't matter how much of him was left in there to salvage; a small seed could grow an entire tree, after-all. Were people not the same? This phase of autumn into winter would still return to spring - she knew that.

It was enough because it had to be. She stood, bracing with nothing but her promise as she awaited his inevitable spiral.

#oh no mom and dad of the universe are having a yelling match again :')#sclitarydivinity #asks #u hurt me with these but it's the good kinda bad kinda hurt u beautiful monster

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immysticalgarbage · 4 years

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Master of Fear and Man of No Fear

~(Me crying like a bitch when Scarecrow got killed in the final episode of Harley Quinn.)~

So far, throughout my blog, I have been posting Bane and Scarecrow stuff. I've shipped these two for a very long time and I will explain why.

Now, most would ship Scarecrow with Riddler or Mad Hatter, but despite their intellect, I don't see it working. Nygma is an egotistical megalomaniac that would annoy Jonathan and Tech...I rather not go down that rabbit hole...again. But you can ship whoever you want, just have common sense about it. I do view Crane and Tech being acquaintances ever since The Animated Series and Gotham. Just my opinion.

There is just this psychological aspect to Bane and Crane as a couple. Yeah, neither of them are lovey dovey bachelors, but they have something beneficial for one another. And let me get this out of the way immediately as possible, the relationship isn't full on romantic or sexual. Be real, Scarecrow isn't very romantic and he'll die if he sleeps with Bane. These complete opposites can possibly aid one another to make them more like human beings than just evil masked men.

I view Scarecrow as this tired scientist with anxiety on a rollercoaster in a downward spiral to mental and emotional suicide. His OCD worsened that makes him only care about his research. His work is the only motivating factor in his life and nothing more. His obsession to improve his toxin and wanting to destroy whatever symbolism and hope the Batman legacy stands for. This and his anxiety exacerbated to the point he won't eat or sleep. Just this emotionless doll with nothing else on the mind. Crane would only leave his office to get coffee and wash up before returning to research and failed plans that would only stress him out more. This behavior doesn't make him human despite what's behind the rags. A man beaten emotionally and physically, to only get back up just to continue his work. There's nothing wrong with improvement and learning from mistakes, but what Crane is doing is unhealthy. He has his moments of being sarcastic and spiteful. An example is putting on a British accent to spite Penguin after the whole Scarebeast situation. Overall, he isn't very emotional and hardly displays any besides exhausted or displeasure. He's not very social and takes most things too seriously. Even when people offer help to him, he would decline, and explain that there's no point in aiding him when it's either a distraction or not to be pitied.

Now comes Bane. I do not think of him as a moronic musclehead. He is a brawn and brain threat. I see this Bane as setting aside wanting to take over Gotham and trying to explore humanity as a whole. He may be brutish, but when he was in Peña Dura, there was this spark of innocence he carried in the form of his teddy bear Osito. Bane has a consciousness and isn't all about wanting to destroy and ruling Gotham. His mind started to change after seeing the innocence of Gotham and their struggles. A major goal of his is to put an end to his venom addiction.

The relationship itself is a bit complexed as to why would they ever be together. Originally, Scarecrow accepted Bane's assistance in order to use his venom for his fear toxin and get into the mind of one who hardly displays any form of fear. So Crane was being a bit manipulative at first until after realizing Bane shows genuine concern over the once respected doctor. He wants to get Crane out of his melancholic slump. Jonathan humored Bane in the beginning, assuming he would fail at his attempt, but he was wrong. So many years of never given any shred of affection, Crane gotten a bit softer, letting Bane continue his progress to help him while trying to help Bane kick off venom for good. They assist each other in ending their bad habits despite the complications.

Their relationship may seem cute on the outside, but there are scary times. Bane going into violent fits from withdrawal and Scarecrow having to face nightmares of his past that make him doubt every ounce of progress him and Bane made. These nightmares would hinder and push back Jonathan's effort, making him return to his stressed out state.

But progress isn't immediate.

#DC #Bane #Scarecrow #BraneShip #myart #gay #cryinglikeabitch #Mystic #banecrow

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epajournal · 7 years

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