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drippingmoon · 1 year

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A Year of Writing -- 2022

Welcome, welcome.

We’ve gone through another year now.

And I intend on tracing back my steps month by month. Feel free to tag along! Take a seat. Take a sip. Take a cat. And let’s cherish the entirety of 2022 together while it’s still here. And I do hope the good outweighs the bad for us all.

This is a feel-good, be-proud fiesta, so if you wanna hear a fellow writer cherishing their discoveries and writing journey, buckle up and I hope some — if not all — of these feelings pass on to you as well<3

First off, a million thanks to maguayans for hosting the event again!<3 She had a gorgeous idea for this year’s theme too, though I couldn’t make the most out of it personally. So in the first part we’ll tackle two of her proposed themes — then I’ll be talking about my two highlights for the year.

Word Count

Aquiver, Aglow — 217k

Aberration of Sunlight — 140k

I think I’ve learnt an important lesson this year, guys. Word count used to stress me out so much, I had to deactivate it. But even then, when I crossed that 10k mark, and no matter how justified it was... I made me depressed. Then I started working on Aberration. I said, well, this time I’ll take it easy, it really won’t matter how long it is. It’s not that I’d work less on it, or that it was less important to me than ‘quiv. But I just wanted to feel good, you know? To actually just enjoy it, instead of feeling guilty all the time. After that... I just gave up on my publishing expectations. Oh, I’ll edit both WIPs to the best of my ability, over and over again as always, but... if they stand proudest at 150k, I won’t force it further. Even if it means I won’t publish them because that won’t be good enough, yeah?

I’m not pretending they will be flawless, or that every salvaged scene will seem worth it at first glance. But it will be all I want to tell. Better than any thoughts of getting published... I’d rather just work on the two things I love best, in the only way I know.

YouTube Wrapped

Total: 13k minutes

Top artists: Borislav Slavov, HAEVN, BrunuhVille, Tom Odell, Aviators

Top song: Another Love by Tom Odell

Top tracks: Minefields by Faouzia and John Legends, Baldur’s Gate 3 OSTS: Down by the River, The Power and Wash My Pain Away by Borislav Slavov

My music personality: The Vibe Diver (you lead the charge in finding unexpected faves and stay loyal to what you love; Deep Cuts, Loyal, Chill)

And that was it for the first part! My top genres aren’t anything but Fantasy (and lately Sci-fi!) so I skipped those. Now on to the year, and how exactly it’s looked like:

January - June

Oh, these were hell lol. To say that uni as a whole — and especially the last semester — was absolute hell for me, is more than a bit of an understatement. But whatever, it’s done and over with, and I’m never returning to those days, HOO-RAY. But... this also fell in line with my going on a hiatus. I was mentally in a very bad headspace, and it just so aligned that for the first time in my life tumblr silence really got to me... and it wasn’t pretty. So I left. At one point, I guess... I didn’t feel so welcome on writeblr anymore. Not as a writer, at least. I still don’t think I’ve fully come back from that hiatus, and maybe never will. I'm basically still here for my friends, who deserve better.

No writing here; except for a notes draft I began during my two breaks. They dealt with Mezusa and Yles mainly (more about it in the ‘quiv section), and honestly? I needed them really back bad then, I’m not exactly surprised that even now, months later, my head is all full of “Catch me in your inwings?”

July

Ah. Ah. This is where the real fun begins. This is where I started taking back control of my life, and it was glorious. I began draft 4 at the very end of July, a few days after my bday, and ah.

This was when, very slowly, I started realizing I could possibly keep writing and rewriting ‘quiv all my life, and still fall in love with it every time, again. Over and over and over. Which is a pretty dangerous thought considering I do want it a completed story one day, but until then, the freedom. I have no words for how much this story means to me. But this year in particular, it’s reminded me that I am a writer. From the bottom of my heart, I do love writing, and it makes me happy.

Basically, starting from July, the remaining months turned 2022 into my very best writing year.

Draft 4 ran from August till September. There were a lot of little changes and whatnot, but I want to particularly talk about the biggest two, and my plans for the future. (which is looking particularly bright!!)

A little bit about my drafting process first. I’m a pantser through and through — I see an outline? No, I don’t, otherwise it gets my panties in a twist, I go mad, the writing goes stale, and everything gets driven straight into a tree. So I don’t do outlines, ever. So when I say I write a new draft, I rewrite the entire thing from finish to end, no skipping, no leaving anything for later, we’re doing it like we have to defend our thesis and we’ve forgotten all our notes. Very few, if any, scenes will repeat, unless they’re central events. Basically retellings of the same story lol. What’s this madness for, you ask? At the end of the drafting process (aka the mass rewrites until the plot feels natural and tight under my fingers and my characters guide me seamlessly because I’ve got them right, so not having an outline is vital because they do everything), all those drafts will come and fight in a giant reading session arena where I pick which draft did what best, and edit from there.

This is where ‘quiv is now.

Yles and Mezusa. Yles is far from being new, but I did her best and I did her justice here. That’s thanks to one character with an amusing evolution throughout all drafts: Mezusa. She started as a nameless blob of an angel character mentioned only once in draft 1 — as the tuba angel who got kicked off the choir (skylarks had made nests in her tuba). All good and fine. Then, at some point between drafts — without my knowing — she met up with Yles, and planned the biggest plot hijack I’ve ever experienced. And gave herself a name. And a plot. And a conclusion. I’m still mad about that (and incredibly proud shh).

So, who’s Mezusa now? An angel living in solitude in a cloud forest full of skylarks, who sings a song to Anne one night and asks her to come take her light. She’s a runaway from Heaven, and most angels know that she went mad, and that’s why she fled. She’s also got talons on her fingers (she couldn’t decide if birds got talons on their hands or feet and nobody provided a satisfactory answer), and a thickly smoky voice that, coupled with her word choice, sends a shiver down everyone’s spine. She’s also dying, and is very well aware of it. There’s corruption visible on her flesh, decaying her body by the day.

But this is not her story. She plays pied piper to Yles’s.

Yles’s chapter goes like this: she was blinded, thousands of years ago, during one of her visitations. Now she wishes to weave herself a new pair of eyes from the souls of their descendants, in a city that towers like a ghost over her life. It basically starts with Yles crashing through the gates all but wreathed in flames. But the thing is... she’s kept postponing the day of vengeance. Up until Anne tosses the shard of light Yles’s way, who can’t get into the starfields (angels haven’t been able to find their way there, since the Turning), so she can’t anchor Mezusa there (though she doesn’t know whose shard it is). And that’s when Yles begins to change. That’s also where Mezusa comes in. She’s forced to see why she’s hesitated so much, all while walking down the old roads her feet still know in that city made of metal, to the Citadel of Endurance.

They meet... and things change. Not that fast; Mezusa’s pretty mad at first because her shard told her Yles was about to die, cue her entrance. They fight a lot. Yles gets hurt a lot. And Mezusa... Mezusa offers her her taloned hand and gets her through the city, the memories, the pain. And she tries to teach her a lesson, because lessons are all she has to give now that she’s dying: when they’re not happy, when they’ve strayed from what they wished for desperately, their bodies listen to them. And they slowly start breaking down. Because nobody wants to suffer, and not eternally. And the body listens much more closely than they realize. So what does Yles actually seek in the Citadel?

(Yeah, that spoilers lmaooo)

In short, Mezusa starts to mean a lot to Yles. She begs her to return to Heaven, and they’ll try, together, to enter the starfields if Anne has abandoned them. She falls in love with Mezusa over the course of the chapters...

And Mezusa is dying. Now it’s starting to bother her a little. She isn’t hidden under the flocks of her skylarks, where it’s all warmth. She stays with Yles, who locks eyes with her, and tells her her dream as an angel has always been the same as Mezusa’s. And that she’s deeply thankful.

(she also refuses to let Mezusa give in to her death)

So what does Mezusa do? She gives a weak smile, says cheekily — but there’s fear in her eyes: “Catch me in your inwings?”

Aka: I think now I can find my way into the starfields if I have you. I don't want to leave you alone

I am not okay.

(One of her eyes is a hive-eye she can’t see through, half of her face looks like rotted honeycombs. She gave her shard of light to Anne so she could find her way to the stars after she died. It’s angel belief that, if they die away from Heaven, they’ll grope eternally in solitude and darkness, and they most fear the loneliness. Afterlife for angels is blind. They’ve always known what afterlife looks for them. It’s beautiful, but also cold.)

In case you were wondering how bonkers I was over these two, they made me write 13k in a single friggin' day. But that's not even the impressive part. So I started that notes draft earlier in the year, yeah? Yeah. It mostly had a scene or two sketched out. At most. And they changed completely. Meaning, I wrote 13k of spontaneous plot with a clear beginning and end, and tbh it was one of the most coherent things I've ever written.

I was possessed y'all wtf

Anne and Tyrone. Yep, this was to be expected; I can’t go through a wrap-up without losing my head over these two. The reason why ‘quiv even exists. I can’t call them parent-child, or even friends, and definitely not lovers. Dunno, I just put all my love into them, and it’s a thing without name. And you know what’s my very favourite part about rewriting? Some things, like the final arc, won’t really change, even with my system. Those scenes can’t be any other. But they can be better, and I’m always extraordinarily tickled pink to see how the build-up leads to a world of other feels. And the build-up between the final arc and the pre-arc really did leave me in tears this year<3333

Anyway, this is a spoilers minefield, so I’ll just leave you with the mental image of: Anne pulling Tyrone on a bed of feathers of her wing wrapped under him. His head rests on her leg, and she holds a hand to his forehead, wishing him sweet dreams while she’s telling the events as they’d happened in Imera’s time, and that he shouldn’t take them to heart. Not him.

What’s to come? Basically the frankendraft, and slowly, very slowly, the very last of edits. I still need to rework the kinks in Imera’s and Malchior’s bits (and bear in mind that the Yles and Mezusa bits are technically a draft 1), but at least it’s just two things this time, oh gods. With Malchior I’m gonna try a riskier thing... as in, he won’t be old friends with Anne anymore. I hope the payoff will be worth it, but hey, I’ve got all my other drafts to rescue me^^

So slowly, veeeery slowly, ‘quiv is coming to an end. Idk how to feel about it right now, other than overwhelmed lmao;( I am not ready at all

9 p.m. sharp after getting home, the closed door, a mug of hot cocoa with whipped cream to the fairy lights on my tables, and tap-tap-tap till 11 or sometimes even 12. That's what my life looked like for two months, and I honest-to-god can’t wait to go back to that.

I’m extremely happy to introduce my newest darling, the pride and joy of this writing year of mine. I didn’t expect to love another WIP after ‘quiv, and certainly not so soon, but here we are, and this WIP means everything to me, the other side of the coin.<3

Huge cheers to all the Halo: CE, Halo 2, Halo 3, Halo 3: ODST OSTs and Grace by Lewis Capaldi for basically carrying me through them two months, and I highly recommend checking the OSTs if you’re craving great quality sci-fi songs and don’t know them; for those of you that do, you’re welcome for the nostalgia. Also huge shout-out to my nightfriend, for being the main catalyst why this year got turned topsy-turvy into the best<3 love you so much! I’m so happy to have had the chance to know you, both as a writer and a person. You’re incredible to me<3

What’s it about? (and forgive the blurb quality)

The universe has always been haunted by a story: a Beast of the Deep Night, a remnant of a black hole, the one being people can't steal from, as they say. It roams the Deep Night, and any astronaut who values their life knows to pay tribute in their heart, and to mind their actions. It's the Beast's realm. And they call the Beast the lambent guardian, taking back from humanity everything they take from the universe.

A foolish man, A. Holloway, goes into rosy space in search of immortality. Between the Beast and the war, it doesn't seem likely that he'll find it. Soon a new recruit joins the ship, and things take a strange turn: she's an oddball, that one. Laughing, but distressed, the crew starts betting if she's the Beast in disguise, come aboard their ship for judgement.

She smiles and never denies anything.

But that universe doesn't look the same now. Hundreds, if not thousands of years after Holloway, the world is ending. The Beast is rampaging, ships sinking in the night, and now it turns a planet into fire and brimstone. Humanity's had to give up on its dream of freedom, and what remains are cities of rust.

Those who have nothing to live for go between planets, to ferry supplies, while they still can.

Police Superintendent Madigan sometimes receives distress calls. There's no sending any help, ever; Command says, a ship sighted by the Beast is a ship that is never returning home.

Command is right. The world is dying, and they better not offer it more sacrifices. All those who go know the risk. All those who remain... better find a new meaning and hope they'll be left for last. One day, Madigan receives another distress call. He picks it up, without knowing that the boy on the other end didn't expect anyone to help. He merely wished to hear another human voice. But Madigan's fallen into a deep state of apathy. Cities rusted from within, sinking in flames. If it's ending, it doesn't matter what he does anymore. So Madigan steals a ship, and decides to give his one shot to humanity.

Soon, they'll be two back-to-back against the Beast, carrying all of hope on their shoulders.

[You know what’s fun? I’m a very baby sci-fi fan. It’s been, what, six months since I’ve read two series I’ve really enjoyed, and that made me stop a little. Because it seemed so wrong. I adored to bits Aliens, Halo, Gears of War, but usually... it's not my genre, and I found pieces written so clinically, I just didn't have anything to connect to. And I was never big on robots; they seem to me to mirror the way people still regard animals, but with more prestige, because they’re humanoids, you see? So it’s just not my world. Or wasn’t. I did a little more digging and... I think it’s the space horror that’s shaped my earliest years of my life. I’m definitely one of those people who need the Very Dark to appreciate the light stuff truly, and Aberration helped me explore that in spades.

(And, yeah, I’m aware Halo isn’t exactly horror. But the drop-dead gorgeous atmosphere of ODST does the trick for me; that mixture of loneliness and uncertainty that make you feel so small in the universe, which I absolutely wanted to pay a tribute to. But that failed in like... chapter 1 lmao;) only the jazz is kept (and I’m gonna hang to it with my teeth!) but even that is warped into a glitched, disturbed thing that resembles the Beast more.)]

This was my NaNo project, y’all! Aberration won Nano on November 21 at 55k, and became a completed first draft... exactly one month later?? On December 21. Even when I came home tired to the bone, it was the thing I most looked forward to; I always sat down and at least did par, and you know? It always cheered me up. It was such a healthy experience, so much that, I didn’t skip on any single day on those two months.

Aberration itself became an idea at the beginning of 2021, when I was listening to an Ori OST remake, and my head went instantly, if space had any single sound, this would be it. The Beast came very soon after.

Then it was my 1k story for my admission, and eventually it turned into the outline for the foolish man (Holloway’s) part of story. Everything in his parts was there, in that 1k original, and that’s when I knew I wanted it to be a book.

Meaning, the rest of it, the entirety of Madigan’s story which is the core of Aberration, came to me as some sort of mystical trance the very day before NaNo. Some details in Holloway’s too. I completely revamped the WIP, as, at that time, something felt missing, and finally it clicked for me. I wanted it to become something much darker, rich in a way like those three series felt to me, aaaand this also means that the light-hearted story about a Beast joining a ship and cherishing them got thrown out of the window lol:')

Instead, we got my pride and joy:< and since it was the day before NaNo, my brain went, heyyyy, what if...?? And I went, heyyy to you too, if I manage to come up with an intro by tonight, then we’ll do it.

And the rest is history^^

Who's Madigan? He's the easiest boss to boss around, a pushover like a doormat's never been, and that's until he starts really caring about something. And if you look deeper, you'll see that's exactly how he wants others to perceive him. So they won't ever be afraid to approach him because of his status. At his core, Madigan loves people, and he loves them deeply. His job is his life’s calling. He feels the happiest when he’s protecting others. He sure as hell would mind losing his life... but rather than losing his loved ones, he'd rather risk his own. People are too precious to him. Even so, he's mostly alone. Oh, yes, people respect him and his close colleagues smile fondly his way, his mantle is his everything. But at the end of the day, there's nobody waiting for him. And what's even worse, he doesn't even realize this, not until very late. And when he does, he doesn't think it's right for him to be that close to someone. They have others in their life already, and he only complicates stuff.

Also!! The structure is way different from ‘quiv, and we’ve got titled chapters which I’m awfully proud of, so we’ll be going through them for the final leg of this journey<3 and, and! You know what’s the best part of it all? I know exactly what goes on in each of them, by heart. *flails hands* I love them so much!!

Cracked Visor, Scorpion Grass — Act 1

Okay, this one is a huge mess, but I already know what I want it to become. And it did its job more than well launching me into the Aberration atmosphere, crisp with loneliness and desolation, and the main event of Madigan finding the broken helmet in a field of purple forget-me-nots, which makes him feel connected to humanity as a whole. It makes him decide to answer that distress call. He hears himself there.

Into the Blinking Red

This is where I got kicked out of my own story and plans again, and in the best way possible. Originally, Spica (or Hahn’s boy, until the 40k story marker lmao) was supposed to be just some mangled body Madigan finds on the ship at the end of that distress call, launching us straight into the horror.

Instead, he’s our one-armed best little soldier who... how do I even describe it? He refuses from the very beginning to ever leave Madigan behind, even with the Beast’s teeth snapping at their backs. Then they’re having each other’s back, bringing the other from the brink of death, worrying over their bed if they’re ever going to recover from their wounds. Then they’ve only got each other on a dark ship in cold, dead space, but they’re always trying to give the other hope, even if they don’t have it. Then they’re talking about space, humanity’s long dream of being free and instead caging itself away from the Beast and how much Spica’s mission means to them all, then little, very little by little... Spica recognizes Madigan as his hero, and Madigan realizes Spica’s become his loved one. And it’s too late to take it back, and the boy means everything to him

Aberration of Light

Ah, yes. The Holloway chapters, which are the ones in italics. What went wrong, you ask? Well, what in the world, except that I had an outline, like an idiot, and no lesson learnt:') :') :') from the beginning this made me feel like I was slamming my head into a wall, and everything bad that I have to completely rewrite stems from the goddamn outline

(otherwise, fun Beast mythology oh yeahhhh)

Nightfall’s Reflection

Enter Lieutenant Hahn himself, the dad, who rides in furiously, and the first thing he does is to unhinge his jaw and gave rise to a howl from the depths of his angry little soul: to demote Madigan, specifically:') but it’s all good, he’s a good dad actually, just thinks his Superintendent is a wet little sock and loves screaming at him. He’s also so loyal to the man he’d die for him. He’s also not pleased that the Beast’s bitten off one of his son’s arms.

Who Lays These Tombs in Ice

Ah, yes. One of the two Luitgart chapters, the magnate of ice. A planet that’s had half of its sunlit face scarred by the Beast, and is in no hurry to forget this. This was also when I pulled an all-nighter because I got possessed, for the second time this year it seems, by the new plot ideas I spontaneously got for the Luitgart arc. And boy. Boy. I’ve got to tell you. This is where the story takes a very dark turn into true horror that also extends a bit beyond the Beast itself and it gets to the point of no return, because, soon, our crew will be stranded on an icy planet around which the Beast’s looped itself:')

(In short, this is, perhaps, the most punchy arc in perhaps the entire book, because you do not expect it)

As for Luitgart... it deserves a little love. As does Hahn, who’ll be my new objective come next draft. Now, Luitgart. It doesn’t spin on its axis. Meaning, one face is always sunlit, and that’s where humans lived before the Beast struck. Its dark half is full of unforgiving ice. But the ruined landscape also has a big impact on its gravity, and that’s where things get a lot of fun, and with horizontal ice rain:<

We also get Madigan digging graves in the ice for frozen corpses, in spite of his broken ribs, because he can’t stop, not now, and do I love that man<3

Lemon-Dotted Dice — Act 2

So yeah, Acts 1 and 2 for Holloway are going to be rewritten completely, with the outline (thank god) thrown out of the window. Great news is, their Act 3 slammed me in the face with the exact solution, via a couple of plot twists I was not expecting and wtf they did they build themselves??

Bad news is, this makes the current summary moot lmao. But it’s what draft 1 is, so it had to stay. Great news is, I’m hyper thrilled for the new version<3

Remnant

This was where the plot started deviating from the outline, and it showed<3

Corpse Snow

Aka the second and final part of the Luitgart chapters. A whole lot of things go down in this 20k behemoth, and mostly? I don’t think anything will change. Not much at all. It feels strange to return to a WIP with plot, but strange in a good way, and everything in Corpse Snow somehow magically came out as I wanted to tell it. Or re-reading will tell? Anyway I can’t connect two braincells about this particular act without wanting to heart and cry vomit

You know what the sad thing is? It could’ve been longer. It should’ve been longer, Hahn included, but I got deathly afraid of that 20k at one point, and decided to cut some stuff out. I’m thinking of adding them back in draft 2, but I’ll sleep on it. I need to sleep on it, or else I risk losing some really good stuff.

And this is also the chapter when Madigan wakes up and sees clearly, wide-eyed, oh, Spica’s his loved one

[also gonna throw this out into the world before it can ever become a thing. There’s nothing romantic between them; Madigan’s exactly 43 as per one of his random rants, and Spica is in his early twenties. They’re got the most familial relationship out there and that’s it]

Wine in the Hanging Lights

</3

What Goes Around... — Act 3

Sadly this is where I’ll have to learn to shut up kindly, because the heavy spoilers begin. So I’ll just spoil you with emoji lmaooo:<

❤❤💞💘💖💗⛔❗⁉️💀👾❗➖🚫

Outreach

THIS. THIS ONE. HOLY FUCK. The plot twist it threw right into my face woke me up from a 8h zombie state of post-proofreading work, and I was pretty much swearing out loud the entire night. All praise Outreach, it solved all my outline issues<3333

Days in Darkness

Now, on the other hand, I was highkey looking forward to this chapter the most out of all. The gorgon (aka the ship Madigan stole, ahem, borrowed) is getting character development here as well, and it’s a beast:<

(It seems the smallest Act, yeah? Yeah, it was the longest)

Echo Terminal — Act 4

We little people on a loop system... heading for the end of the universe... heading for certain doom... lalalala nice background music... oh, someone loses a leg. Oh, someone dies again. A ghostly explosion around the gorgon... oh, I see the Beast’s fangs.

Where Have You Gone?

This does not mean what you think it does, I guarantee you. Also where we part with Holloway’s story, and why it matters for Madigan’s. How they connect.

Solgesis

One of the two log chapters, the other being Echo Terminal. They’re much shorter, but very... to the point. The plot twist from Outreach? Gets built and expanded here. And here goes in all my revamp from the day before NaNo.

Beads of Orichalcum

Nothing to see here, just a tonnuva righteous fury, parallelism like it’s nobody’s business, Madigan being highkey a badass finally, and we’re very very near to the end. Though it doesn’t feel so. Not at all. It’s back to the bleak atmosphere of the beginning, but now there’s a change: they have each other now. And there’s no separating them.

The End of the Deep Night

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

...on the other hand, in case you were wondering how possessed I was about this chapter and really, WIP, hear me out: I actually dreamt of those two and that became the very last scene of the book. Which, whoops, spoilers? They’ve got each other. Till the end. But that’s all I’m saying lalala...

Whew! Must’ve felt like another year. In reading, though, because for me it passed in an instant hahahaha. Or it would’ve, if tumblr hadn’t screwed me over and thrown me out of my drafts thus deleting everything I’d written on Aberration...

All that remains are a lot of heartfelt thanks! If you’ve made it this far and accompanied me to the bottom of the post, I’m whipping up a mug of the most delicious cocoa with whipped cream you’ve ever had, you more than deserve it and I love you<3

And HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

I hope to see more of you and your incredible writing. And I hope you also feel like writing is a part of you and... fuck drafts, fuck perfectionism, fuck everything lol. This is what makes us happy. For a visible reason. And each and every one of you can and does shine through your writing, and the love or feeling you pour inside. I believe in you, and there’s nothing you can’t do ❤🥂

#ayearofwriting #aquiver-aglow #aberration of sunlight #in case you need something to read #here's a behemoth

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the-space-left-in-between · 2 years

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you know sometimes you just know when a chapter of your life is over and the next one is is about to begin? well that’s what it feels like right now. since Stella, there has been two chapters for me (& i’m basing her as a point in my life because everything that came after felt like a new book entirely).

the first, was a period of recovery and flourishing. i wasn’t over her at the time but i used every ounce of disappointment in me to fuel probably the most transformative era of my life. habits changed. people around me changed. i changed. a lot lol. i learned how to be around people again…how to become friends with anyone. i cut a lot of vices. smoking cigarettes was a big one. i’ve fell back on it a couple times but in actuality, it’s just not the same anymore. it just isn’t…so you could say it’s been permanent. i eat and sleep well. i take care of my health above all. my relationship with my family has improved drastically (something i’m grateful for but don’t always recognize). and the thing that pretty much changed me entirely…calisthenics.

fast forward a year and here comes the second chapter. i’ve grown accustomed to school again after taking that hiatus. academically…i’m not performing peak effort (i’m self aware) but it’s been enough to have straight A’s regardless for 20 classes currently (lol). so end result, i suppose it doesn’t matter all too much that i’m not completely nerding out. i’m also getting pretty good at calisthenics now so you could say i’m obsessed. i want to say i’m somewhere between intermediate and advanced in skill level. in a way though, the last two developments have probably made me somewhat cocky (i’m self aware lol). oh well. feeling like the shit is better than feeling like shit right? i’m pushing people away again though. i’m not sure if i just don’t have the energy to give the effort given all the things i have to do but…i don’t know. it doesn’t really bother me that much lol. everyone’s doing their own thing and i’m doing mine. i’m lowkey bored of working at Amazon but life is quiet and cyclical and i suppose, despite the lack of excitement right now…i’m grateful for the silence.

as i’m about to finish my summer class next week, lately it feels like life is about to change again. one, because this fall would be my final semester…and two, because i’ll be moving out this year. obviously i’d be leaving Amazon for one of the bigger firms and life will definitely be different not making $16 an hour lol. accounting pays well so we’ll see. current thoughts outside that tells me a new chapter approaches? every day, i feel like i’m entering advanced territory in my training. and two, I’m open to seeing someone again (not going out of my way, but you know).

have been having this habit of going to the gym past midnight lately, and when i get home it’s so quiet so my thoughts are at an all time high. blessed my class starts past noon. but i should probably stop and come back again. that’s all tumblr. be back again soon.

3:58am Tues 6.14.22

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365albums · 3 years

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artist: Billy Joel

album: The Stranger

year: 1977

personnel:

Billy Joel – vocals, acoustic piano, keyboards, synthesizers, Fender Rhodes

Phil Ramone – producer, engineer

thoughts:

I already knew Movin’ Out and Vienna, and I loved both of them. Movin’ Out is a great start to the album and Vienna.. still hits

One of my recurring thoughts on this album is how much he sounds like Paul McCartney sometimes? It’s not a bad thing I guess but some of these songs really do sound like Paul McCartney solo/Wings creations. “Just the Way You Are” feels almost shameless in this. I think some of those songs are notably weaker but that might be v subjective

the lyrics on The Stranger are so good. I already assumed he was a good lyricist from the Billy Joel songs i’ve heard, including the two on this album, but I definitely think more positively of Mr Joel now !

maybe it’s because he says the words “Village Green” but Scenes from an italian restaurant reminds me of a Kinks song :’) Good storytelling!

I think this album hits every single kind of sound I associate with Billy Joel, which is probably why it’s one of his most famous albums

I guess it sometimes veers into cheesiness sound-wise but that might be me coming at it 43 (!!) years later

Speaking of cheesy, “Only the Good Die Young” definitely grew on me

Current Favorites: Movin’ Out, Vienna, The Stranger, Only the Good Die Young, and Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

#doing this again after a Fall Semester Hiatus lol #first listened at some point in mid December then listened throughout the last week fo December 2020

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inkofamethyst · 2 years

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January 30, 2021

Aghhh I found this men’s shirt on Depop that I really love the look of entirely but it’s two sizes too big for me and I would have to alter it to fit but it’s already an $18 shirt (which like,,, in the grand scheme of things isn’t all that expensive, and it includes shipping,,, so like,,,,, a small price to pay for sustainability tbh) and I could probably find something that would actually fit if I just kept looking... but I did want to get more practice making alterations and I would actually like to have multiple white/cream shirts in my closet that all vary ever so slightly (and I would love to spend money right now bc I’m just itching to buy something (...somethings) entirely frivolous with my book money lol (also wanna get all my purchases out of the way before February comes around and I start tracking my spending again heh)). I suppose I could wear it as a cardigan until I fixed it up.

Reading that over... I think it’s clear that I didn’t come here to talk myself out of buying the shirt.. I came here to talk myself into affirming that it is a justified decision. It’s just that thrifting online can be such a headache, and I feel like my success rate hovers around 65% which isn’t great at all (just did the math: 55% great, 27% eh, 18% bad -- 65% was a pretty decent estimate! (also these numbers include items that I had to alter/mend, 2 of which are now some of my faves)). Honestly, thrifting irl is only a little bit easier. Sometimes I’ll get home, wash something I’ve found, and discover that the cute find is not so cute on me (it happens less so now that I carry a measuring tape, but fit can’t always account for style/color mismatches).

Results are in for the spring music selection: I don’t recognize ~any~ of the songs and we are ~not~ bringing back the song I had the solo in. Which is fine, and I mean hey I won’t have to go through the whole imposter syndrome thing this semester (not with that, anyway) which is dope. I... I can’t say that I’m not a little disappointed, if I’m being honest, though. Because it feels a little like something that’s just sort of hanging over me, unfinished. And I can’t do anything about it. And I think that’s valid, to feel a little disappointed. But, overall, I’m excited to start rehearsing again. I’m excited to be part of an ensemble again, to perform again. Finally, after a three-year hiatus (thx miss rona), to be in front of an audience again.

AHHHHH BUT SOMETHING THAT’S MAYBE EVEN MORE EXCITING THAN THAT IS THE LEGEND OF VOX MACHINAAAAAA AHHHHHH I just watched the three episodes they’ve released and was basically smiling the whole time. I’ve been listening to these nerdy voice actors for... four years now (almost exactly, actually, as I started listening to CR C1 right around the time when my dnd-friend first invited me to play dnd with her and some of her old friends, and I feel like it was a birthday gift to her...) and there were so many parts of episode 3 especially (especially the end) that was just like,,, AHHHH eeehehehehehe and the first two episodes were so much fun on their own (and if they go for the chroma conclave plot in s2, they’ve literally already set that up omg) and I just,,, yes.

Wait but okay back to the whole orchestra thing though, in preparation for next fall’s music selection, I’ve recently started working on the Wrath of the White Witch main theme (not pieces of a broken heart, but the more fanfare-y one). It’s rough. I mapped out most of the melody in a night, and now I’m just taking it slow, bit by bit (saving the hardest parts for last (and, trust me, this piece has more than its fair share)), counting my upbeats and downbeats and all-around beats. I’m considering figuring out something different to work on for next fall though. Like, do a trial arrangement submission so I can learn from it, then try this piece in the Spring. Idk, I’ve got time to learn. And also like what am I if not in over my head at all times.

Ummm I will say that I was in rehearsal today and kept thinking, like, what if I had auditioned on flute? Now, don’t get me wrong, I am extremely proud of everything I accomplished personally last semester in terms of singing in a real choir for the first time. That was awesome. But I was just sitting there today and like,,, choir is only in half of the pieces. I feel like... like an ensemble member in a musical, but like, a freshman who’s only really in the background of four tiny scenes plus maybe one big number. But if I played flute I’d be ~in on the action~ and playing the whole time. And like, that’s making a ton of assumptions: that I’m a good enough flute player that I would’ve successfully auditioned, that I wouldn’t have felt overwhelmed by really difficult music (I haven’t actually looked at the flute music).

I don’t... regret choosing to audition vocally, exactly. I’m just... wondering whether I would have enjoyed myself more had I done flute. And maybe it’s just that I’m tired of the pieces that we’re playing because they were only meant to be played for a semester and now they’ve stretched into two. Maybe I just need fresh music, a new repertoire to challenge me again. Maybe that’s it. Maybe had I done flute, I would be feeling a similar sort of “I wonder how it would’ve been if I’d done choir” type beat. I don’t know. And I can’t know.

Speaking of fresh artsy stuff, a club on campus is putting on a production of a musical that I really enjoy. Auditions are Friday. And I won’t be auditioning. The show swears pretty heavily. And I do not. And it sucks because I would love to give it a go. To see if I had what it took to be one of those characters that I so enthusiastically hum along to. It’s got that quintessential modern musical sound that every girl in theatre tries to break into. But I’d be so uncomfortable the whole time, even in the ensemble. A shame, really.

This... overall this wasn’t a very happy entry :/ Every once in a while we just have those melancholy days, I guess. I mean it wasn’t a bad day by any means, I’m just.. I don’t know.

But, really, today I am thankful to be in a performance group.

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blissedoutphil · 6 years

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Where You Belong Part 9

Sorry for the very long wait, I had to go on a writing hiatus but the semester has ended so I’m back :)

I wrote like 3/4 of this chapter long ago, way before Dan posted his depression video. So this is in no way related to real life Dan, I’ll never romanticise depression. WYB Dan was just having a bad time in uni (might have written it based on what I was going through in uni myself...lol)

And I added this prompt into the chapter, I hope you enjoy!

3995 words of Dom!Phil, sub!dan, fluff, pet play/neko kink, cockwarming, blowjob, handjob, praise kink

or read on ao3!

~Masterlist~

Dan hated life. He hated his uncooperative coursemates, hated his ruthless professors, hated all his unfinished assignments. He just wanted to go home to Phil. To cuddle with Phil, or sit by his feet perhaps. He missed Phil, just wanted to relive his summer.

He’d planned to continue living with Phil during the semester, but here he was, 5 weeks into university and having to bunk in his friend’s room in campus because he had spent the whole evening in school doing a group project and it was too late to go home.

“I’m sorry Peej, I promise I’ll leave tomorrow,” Dan sighed as he plopped onto the spare mattress on the floor.

“No worries, really. I’m always here if you need help. It’s nice having company anyway,” PJ replied.

Dan was so thankful he had a friend like PJ. He’d been staying over for almost 2 weeks now. Every time he thought he could go home, there’d be some new assignment or quiz that he’d have to burn the midnight oil for. Maybe I should’ve just stayed in dorm again this semester, he thought dismally.

Phil had been so understanding, it made Dan feel like crying. He’d miss Phil’s calls or take hours to reply Phil’s texts but Phil never got upset, just kept cheering him on and assuring him that he can ace the semester.

“Miss your boyfriend?”

Dan looked up from his phone to see PJ smirking down at him from his bed. He sighed, “Of course I do.”

“I really wanna meet this prince charming of yours,” PJ stated.

“Maybe one day,” Dan smiled, looking back at his phone, finally able to open the unread messages.

Phil (12:07am): thought i’d stay up w u but an Old Man needs his sleep. pls sleep soon too babe😴

Dan (3:42am): its alright, its the thought that counts lmao😙 yh finally gonna sleep now gnight old man👨

Phil was so excited for his boy to come back home, 2 weeks felt too long. They hadn’t been away from each other that long ever since Dan moved into his home at the start of summer. He briefly wondered if Dan would be up for some kinky fun. Not that he’d mind some vanilla sex either, or even just cuddles.

Dan was supposed to be home about 45 minutes ago, and Phil had texted him when he was 10 minutes late, but still hadn’t received a reply. Another 15 minutes passed and Phil was considering making a rule about punctuality for Dan, but he decided that Dan probably had a good reason for being late and not answering him. He honestly pitied Dan and how busy he was. He’d been to uni, so he understands what Dan’s going through. But still he couldn’t help worrying if Dan’s not okay.

He was pacing around the living room when he heard a knock on the door. He quickly went to open it, seeing a very tired Dan. Before Phil could respond, Dan spoke up.

“I’m sorry, Sir,” Dan said, lowering his head. He sounded stressed and almost panicky.

Phil wrinkled his brows in confusion. “Hey Dan, it’s okay, no need to be sorry,” he said softly, moving aside for Dan to step in.

But Dan didn’t move, even when Phil gestured for him to enter. “Dan? Come in,” Phil said, but before he could grasp Dan’s hand in his, he noticed a tear fall from Dan’s cheek.

“I’m sorry Sir,” Dan repeated, voice quieter, “sorry I’m late, sorry I never answered your texts, always ignoring you. Sorry I’m so useless and dumb, I don’t deserve you, I’m sorry I’m good for nothing.”

Phil had pulled Dan through the door and into a hug halfway through Dan’s monologue. He’d softly shushed him but Dan wouldn’t stop, he was sobbing as he carried on bringing himself down. Phil held onto Dan and stroked his hair, feeling Dan shaking slightly. Dan wasn’t returning the hug, but he buried his face into the crook of Phil’s neck as he whispered negative things about himself.

Phil’s heart broke as he heard Dan say such things about himself. Where was the confident boy he’d been with throughout the summer? He couldn’t take it any longer. He pulled away from the hug and held onto Dan’s shoulders tightly. When Dan wouldn’t look at him, he tilted his chin up with his finger.

“Dan, stop,” he said sternly, and Dan finally quieted down, save for a few hiccups.

Phil noted how dark the circles under Dan’s eyes were. He gently wiped the tears from Dan’s cheeks with his thumb. “What happened, Dan?” he asked, unable to hide the worry from his voice.

“I deserve to be punished, Sir,” Dan sighed.

“Why do you think that?” Phil asked, trying not to sound alarmed. He softly stroked Dan’s cheek.

“Because. I just do. It’s what I should get for being such a nuisance,” Dan wanted to cry again, but his master had told him to stop.

Phil was still confused as to what caused Dan to act this way, but he was clear on what he had to do. “Dan, I’m not going to punish you when I don’t see anything you did to deserve it. What you deserve right now is a warm bath. And what you need is to relax. You’re not any of the things you just said about yourself, understand? Let me take care of you.”

Dan was too tired to protest. He was convinced that he was all the things he said he was, doesn’t know how Phil couldn’t see it. But he was tired, so he let Phil take charge.

Phil gently held Dan’s hand in his as he led Dan to the bathroom. He drew a bath and while waiting for it to fill, he carefully undressed Dan. Dan stood pliantly, letting Phil move him as necessary to remove his clothes.

Phil helped Dan into the tub and when Dan had settled down, he moved to sit behind the tub.

“You’re leaving?” Dan asked, voice small, but Phil could hear the disappointment.

“I’m gonna be right here with you, darling,” Phil reassured. He scooped some water up and wet Dan’s hair, before getting the shampoo.

Dan relaxed into the massage Phil gave as he lathered up his hair. Phil massaged Dan’s scalp thoroughly before rinsing off the shampoo. When he was done, he moved on to massage Dan’s shoulders.

Dan closed his eyes and moaned softly when Phil kneaded at the tensions in his shoulders. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually felt relaxed and comfortable, and he was about to fall asleep when Phil broke the silence.

“Are you feeling better, kitten?”

“A lil,” Dan mumbled, suddenly embarrassed by his breakdown earlier. “Sorry if I scared you earlier.”

“No need to be sorry. I’m always here for you, okay? I don’t want you to think all those horrible things about yourself. You’re smart and confident, you’re not a nuisance or useless. I’m proud and so happy to have you, Dan. You’re not good for nothing.” Phil ended his mini speech by planting a kiss on Dan’s wet hair.

Dan sighed. He wished he could believe Phil as easily as he believed the people in university who brought him down. He splashed the water, angry at himself for being so affected by people who don’t matter, yet unable to accept what the most important person to him was saying.

“Do you want to talk about what happened?” Phil asked slowly, stroking Dan’s shoulders.

Dan gave a small shake of his head. “I just wanna play to be honest,” Dan said shyly. He was upset that his return home was ruined like that, he’d been looking forward to playing with Phil.

“Just relax a little while more. Need to make sure you’re in the right mindset if we’re gonna do anything,” Phil answered, he wasn’t going to push Dan about his meltdown if he wasn’t ready to talk about it.

After a little more massaging, Phil got up. “You okay being here by yourself? I’m gonna prepare some things for you to get ready with in the bedroom.”

Dan nodded.

“Just stay until you’re really ready to play, alright? And if you decide not to play, that’s fine too. Don’t have to pressure yourself, I won’t mind. Your wellbeing is more important.”

Dan nodded again, and Phil gave him a small smile before leaving the bathroom.

What did I do to deserve him?, Dan wondered.

When his skin started getting wrinkly and the water wasn’t warm anymore, Dan finally got out of the bathtub. He took his time drying himself off before walking to the bedroom.

Phil wasn’t in, but he’d laid out the toys on the bed. Dan smiled as he saw his outfit. Phil knew exactly what he needed to clear his mind from all the stress.

He got on all fours on the floor and quickly fingered himself open. Then he took the steel plug. Attached to it was a brown cat tail, long and soft and matching his own hair. He stroked the tail for a bit, feeling the smooth faux fur. He then pushed the plug into himself, biting his lip to suppress a moan from escaping. When the plug was fully in, he wiggled his butt a little, feeling the tail sway behind him, tickling his inner thighs.

Next, he grabbed the collar from the bed. It was a thin turquoise silk collar with a small black ribbon at the front and a silver bell that hung below the ribbon. Dan loved the colour of the collar, it reminded him of Phil’s eyes. He fastened it on and tapped the bell, letting it jingle.

Lastly, he put on the cat ears that matched the colour of his tail and his hair. He crawled in front of the mirror to take a look at himself. For a moment he contemplated if he should get some sharpie to draw whiskers on his face, but decided that’d turn him from sexy to cringey.

He was a little hard from fingering himself, and looking at himself like this just turned him on further. He turned a little to look at his tail, enjoying the feel of fur on his skin.

After a while of checking himself out, Dan finally crawled out of the room. He slowly made his way to Phil, who was on the sofa with his laptop. Phil immediately looked up when Dan entered the room. “Hey there, kitten,” he greeted.

Dan bumped his head against Phil’s shin, rubbed his cheek against Phil’s knee like an actual cat would. Phil chuckled and scratched Dan’s hair lightly.

“C’mon up, kitty,” Phil said, patting the space on the sofa next to him.

Dan managed to gracefully climb up onto the sofa, and he snuggled into Phil’s side, curling his body as much as he could. Phil smiled and played with the end of Dan’s tail.

“You must be hungry, kitten,” Phil said, moving to get the plate of sandwiches he’d prepared for Dan.

Dan hadn’t noticed the food on the coffee table, and he certainly hadn’t noticed how hungry he actually was, too busy having a breakdown and all. But at the sight of the tuna sandwich, his stomach growled.

Phil tore off a small piece and fed it to Dan, who gratefully accepted it. Phil stroked Dan’s hair as he chewed, making Dan hum contentedly.

They kept at it until the sandwich was gone. Every time Phil fed Dan the small bites, Dan kept Phil’s fingers between his lips just a little longer than necessary, looking up at Phil with big eyes and moaning softly in appreciation. He noticed how his actions were slowly making Phil hard, but Phil would just smile down at him and pat his hair and straighten his ears.

After the meal, Phil turned the tv on and continued patting Dan while he watched the tv, scratching under his chin sometimes and stroking his back other times. Dan purred, it felt so good. He felt so safe and cared for. He closed his eyes and just focused on the light touches he was getting from Phil.

“My kitty’s so pretty,” Phil commended, and Dan hid his face in Phil’s side to hide his blush, but he couldn’t stop himself from purring at the praise.

After a while, the pats slowed down and Phil just rested his hand on Dan’s back. Dan was happy being able to just lay there and be Phil’s pretty little kitty. In that moment, he didn’t have any assignments to stress over, no exams to study for, no grades to worry about, and absolutely no rude professors or coursemates to bring him down.

In that moment, the only thing that mattered to him was Phil. And his tail. He began playfully swatting at his tail, making Phil giggle.

They lounged like that for about half an hour, but then Dan got bored. His and Phil’s boners had both died down, and he wanted to change that. He propped his chin on Phil’s thigh and looked up at Phil.

Phil only responded by brushing his fingers in Dan’s hair absentmindedly. So, Dan slowly inched his face closer to Phil’s crotch. Phil finally looked down when he felt warm breath against his crotch.

“Mrow,” Dan tried to meow.

Phil smiled and tapped the bell on Dan’s collar. “Gettin’ bored, pet?”

“Mrrow,” Dan meowed again, and he nuzzled Phil’s crotch.

Phil couldn’t resist when Dan’s looking so cute like that, looking up at him with his big brown eyes in a cat-like manner. He smiled and unzipped his pants, but didn’t go any further. He wanted to see what his lil kitty had in mind.

Dan eyed Phil’s crotch hungrily. With his teeth, he pulled Phil’s underwear down just enough to get Phil’s dick out. It was barely hard, but that’s exactly how Dan wanted it. He wanted to feel it grow in his mouth.

Slowly, he took Phil’s soft cock in his mouth up to the hilt. He hollowed his cheeks. With his nose buried in Phil’s pubes and his lips meeting Phil’s crotch, Dan closed his eyes and hummed in content.

Phil’s breathing got a little shallower as he felt his cock twitch in the warmth of Dan’s mouth. But Dan wasn’t sucking on him, wasn’t trying to do anything to get him hard at all. He was just laying still and keeping Phil’s cock in his mouth.

Dan focused on breathing through his nose. Deep breaths that were made better as he could inhale his master’s scent with each breath. He rested his head on Phil’s thigh and felt the weight of Phil’s slowly growing cock on his tongue. He didn’t want to rush anything. He was glad Phil was taking his time as well.

Phil ran his hand through Dan’s curls softly. He knew what Dan was doing, so he tried his best not to get hard too quick so that Dan could enjoy cockwarming longer. Dan felt so calm and relaxed as he put all his attention on Phil’s cock. Every so often, he’d purr and feel Phil’s cock twitch and harden a bit more.

They continued lounging, Dan enjoying being a cocksleeve and Phil absentmindedly patting Dan’s head and stroking his back. After some time, Phil’s cock was almost fully hard.

“Enjoying yourself, kitten?” Phil asked softly.

Dan, who had been so still that Phil wasn’t sure if he’d fallen asleep, opened his eyes and blinked up at Phil. Batting his eyelashes, he hummed happily.

Phil let out a little moan. “Your warm mouth feels so good, pet,” he praised.

Dan felt Phil’s tip hit the back of his throat as it finally grew to full hardness. His lips were now stretched around Phil’s shaft, but he didn’t move, still content with just being a cockwarmer. His own cock was also hard, had been since he got Phil’s in his mouth, but he paid no mind. He briefly wondered if it was weird that cockwarming managed to calm him down, ground him and chase all his feelings of panic and stress away. God, does he love Phil’s cock.

Dan could hear Phil breathing heavier, understanding that he probably needed some stimulation. Yet Phil was still so kind, not rushing Dan to do anything, putting Dan’s needs first.

Without breaking eye contact with Phil, Dan slowly moved off, dragging his tongue along the underside of Phil’s cock as he did so. Phil let out a small moan and gripped Dan’s hair lightly, almost knocking Dan’s cat ears off his head.

Dan licked Phil’s slit, tasting a bit of precum. He swirled his tongue around the head before giving it small kitten licks.

“What a tease. Cheeky lil kitty, aren’t you?” Phil said almost breathlessly, and he felt Dan’s smile against his skin before he saw it.

Dan licked his way down Phil’s shaft to his balls. He got up on his elbows and knees and stuck his butt out in the air, swaying his tail about while he sucked on Phil’s balls. Phil stroked down Dan’s back and squeezed Dan’s ass, making Dan mew.

“Ah, good kitten,” Phil praised when Dan moved to finally properly suck on Phil and started bobbing his head.

Dan purred as he sucked on Phil, the vibrations making Phil’s toes curl. The bell on his collar jingled as he moved faster.

Dan sucked Phil all the way down til his nose poked Phil’s crotch, and he stayed for as long as he could. His gag reflex was long gone, he only moved up a little when he needed some air. Dan repeated his movements, deepthroating Phil who groaned in pleasure whenever he felt his tip reach the back of Dan’s throat.

Phil had one hand resting in Dan’s hair, and his other moved to Dan’s hard dick. Dan was so focused on pleasuring Phil that he was barely aware of his own erection. He didn’t even feel the desire to come, gaining pleasure purely from giving Phil pleasure.

But as Phil started stroking Dan’s cock, Dan couldn’t help the little mews he let out while he continued to blow Phil. He thrusted his hips into Phil’s fist while bobbing his head at the same rhythm.

“Good pet, so beautiful like this,” Phil praised again, moving his hand away from Dan’s cock to stroke his tail and push the plug into Dan further. Dan moaned in response, arching his back and wiggling his ass.

Dan pulled off of Phil and licked his red lips. He nuzzled Phil’s crotch, taking his time. He didn’t want to rush things. Ending the scene quicker meant facing reality sooner.

Phil had went back to stroking Dan’s cock lazily. He really needed to come, was so tempted to push his cock past Dan’s swollen lips. But he let Dan go at his own pace, nosing his balls, purring when Phil twisted his hand in his hair.

Dan licked up the stripe of precum leaking down Phil’s cock before sucking him again. He had begun leaking precum as well, and Phil stroked him faster, making him moan around Phil’s cock.

They were both so close to the edge already, moaning and panting as their movements sped up. Dan eagerly sucked on Phil while massaging his balls, feeling Phil tremble in pleasure.

“I’m close, pet,” Phil panted, stroking Dan quickly so they’d come together.

Dan meowed in agreement with his mouth full of Phil’s cock. He hummed as he bobbed his head faster, encouraging Phil to orgasm. His hips were thrusting urgently into Phil’s fist.

Phil came with a loud groan, and Dan followed almost immediately. Dan moaned as he came, but never took his mouth off Phil’s cock as he swallowed Phil’s cum. Phil continued stroking Dan albeit erratically, and Dan’s cum spilled all over his hand.

Dan only pulled off when he was sure he’d swallowed every drop of Phil’s cum. He looked down himself to see Phil’s hand wrapped loosely around his softening cock. He pawed at it until Phil brought his hand closer to his face, then he licked up his own cum, cleaning Phil’s hand.

Phil was panting, and he looked at his kitty lap up his own cum on his palm through half lidded eyes. “So hot, kitten,” he commented.

When Dan was done, he licked his lips then rested his head on Phil’s thigh, looking up at Phil with wide, adoring eyes.

“Love you, kitty,” Phil said softly, petting Dan’s cat ears. Dan purred, then he gave a light peck on Phil’s crotch and tucked Phil back into his pants using his teeth.

Dan wished he could stay in his kitten headspace forever. He was so comfortable, with his cheek resting on Phil’s thigh. He felt so blissed, so safe and calm. He closed his eyes and purred softly.

Phil pet Dan’s hair for a while, but he knew letting a sub go to sleep while in a different headspace is not a good idea. He nudged his thigh a little, making Dan grumble softly.

“C’mon kitty, let’s go to the bedroom. Better than falling asleep here,” he suggested.

Dan whined, but got up on all fours. He yawned and pandiculated his back just like a cat would. He looked up at Phil, who’d already stood up, sleepily.

Phil smiled fondly and tried to pick Dan up like he would a cat, but Dan was so big that he ended up carrying him bridal style. Dan nuzzled against Phil’s neck as Phil walked to the room.

Phil gently put Dan on the bed, and Dan stayed on all fours. “So good for me, aren’t you?” Phil praised quietly, nuzzling his nose against Dan’s.

He pecked Dan lightly on the lips and stroked his cheek. “I love you so much,” Phil continued, noticing how Dan’s eyes began to water.

“I’m always here to take care of you,” Phil whispered reassuringly as he moved behind Dan, “Let’s get ready for bed, yeah.”

He stroked Dan’s tail, and Dan swayed his hips a little. Phil heard Dan sigh as he slowly pulled the tail plug out. He stroked the smooth skin of Dan’s ass before moving back to face his boy.

Dan looked up at Phil with wide, glassy eyes as Phil removed his cat ears. Phil tapped the bell on his collar one last time before unfastening it. He quickly placed all the toys on the bedside drawer and undressed, then returned to Dan. He gestured for Dan to lie down.

Dan curled into Phil’s side as soon as they laid down. He didn’t want to leave his headspace, but he could feel Phil pulling him out of it. Phil held him close and he listened with his eyes shut to whispered praises and positive words, willing himself not to cry.

Phil stroked his hair, hugged him, kissed his forehead gently. “You okay, Dan?” he checked in quietly after a while.

Dan opened his eyes and looked up into caring blue irises. “Yes, Phil,” he gave a small smile, “thank you.”

Phil returned his smile. He knows his boy was strong, and he’d make sure to always be by his side to help him get through anything.

“I love you,” Dan whispered. He felt so so grateful to have Phil, to have someone who cared that much about him. Someone who wouldn’t take advantage of him when he was vulnerable, someone who wasn’t put off by his outbursts and breakdowns. Someone who would instead pick him back up and remind him of his worth. Someone who knew exactly what his needs were, and would act on them with no hesitation.

“I love you too,” Phil whispered back. He watched as Dan drifted off to sleep against his chest. He knows they’d make it through anything, as long as they were together, where they belonged.

This is probably the last chapter of Where You Belong. I had fun writing it and I’m glad many of you enjoy it too <3 Sad to end this series, but hey it means I can start on new stuff :)

If you guys loved this series, it’d mean a lot to me if you guys nominated WYB in phanficawards <3

#phan smut #Phanfic #phan #phan fic #phansmut #My fic #dom!phil #sub!dan #where you belong

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rin412 · 7 years

Text

Love Ballad (Prologue)

~ A Samurai Love Ballad Party Fanfiction ~ ~Warning! Samurais x OC pairings! If you don’t like my pairing, I don’t care. lol~ ~Future AU~ ~Definitely OOC so please prepare yourself to vomit~

Okay, so, I made a... thing again. After I was on hiatus for quite a long time. I’m still trying to collect my muse, so please spare me ;;;;

Again, I warn you before you read. These are my own pairings and my own AU. I don’t care if you don’t like it or disagree to it, I’m the ruler of my own world. lol

ok jk or maybe not

Anyway, please enjoy!

Spring….

Sakura petals are everywhere, accompany me while walking through the front gate of my school.

Today is the day of my new semester in second grade in highschool. To be honest, I kind of looking forward for this day because I hope I can meet new friends. Hmm, I can’t say that my first year was all that good, yes. Because… uhh… I just… couldn’t socialize well enough. No, it’s fine. Something ridiculous like bullying didn’t happen at all. It’s just… most of my classmates were quite… fashionable ones? They were always talking about make-up, newest trend, etc. And I guess I’m just… not really used to that kind of thing.

Ahaha…

Well…

I know, I was the one at fault…

But still, I want to live my life however I like. I have to enjoy it! Why, you asked? That’s because I—

“Shut up, old man!”

“Huh?” before I even step into my school ground, I see a looking-expensive black car in front of the gate. There’s a boy with yellow hair shouts loudly to an old man that just closed the car’s door for him.

The boy wears a hard expression, I can practically see his face full of wrinkles here and there. He looks so angry. I wonder why…

“But, Master. If something happens to you, I suppose I can hel—“

“No need.”

“But this is your first da—“

“I told you, just go home already, Sakai! I can do the rest here by myself! I’m not a kid anymore!”

“But, Maste—“

“I said go home, you deaf!! Are you trying to embarrass me on purpose?! Treating me like a kid all the damn time?!”

“I’m just worri—“

“No need. Now go.”

“But—“

“I said GO! Before I pull your hair and make you completely bald!”

“Y-yes! Please! Spare my hair! N-now if you will excuse me—“

“Hurry!”

“Y-yes!!” the old man looks so scared of that boy and quickly get into the car. Then he opens the window and says, “I will pick you up here after school, Maste—“

“Yeah, whatever. Now go!”

“Y-yes..!”

And there he goes….

My, what a scary boy. Judging from the way that old man’s way of calling him, I bet he’s a rich one. Maybe that old man is his driver? Well, who knows…

Before I realize it, he already walks into the school ground. Probably he noticed that I’m looking at him intently, he stops himself in front of me and looking down at me with such arrogance and scary smile, “Listen.”

“Huh?”

“Don’t say anything to anyone about what just happened before. Got it?”

“Why should I—“

“GOT…. IT….?”

Whoa, he peers closer with a really cold and scarier smile ever!! I quickly nod and he let out a satisfied grin, “Good. Now get off my way.”

“You can just walk over—“

“I said get off my way, stupid wench!”

“Wha--?!”

Before I can even spits out a complain, he shoves me away to the point I fall on the ground. How rude!! But look at him! He doesn’t even care and just walks away while humming a song.

Ugh, great. My first day of second grade and I’m already facing this kind of worst luck ever. Look at my skirt. All dirty now. I will have my revenge! Just you wait—

….

Uhh..

What’s his name again?

…..

Okay, great. You forgot to ask….

“Sigh…”

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” I look up and I see a cute girl with a black ribbon on the left side of her light brown hair. Oh dear, look at her smile. What an angel.

She offers her hand and helps me stand up. What a nice girl…!

“Did you hurt yourself?” she asks, worried.

“O-oh no, I’m fine! I just… uhh….” Oh right, I can’t say anything about that boy’s evil side. Remembering that, I decided to just say, “I just… a-accidentally tripped….? Ahahaha!”

“Ah, I see. Please be careful next time, okay?” she seriously worries about me? Oh my god, she really is an angel!!

“Y-yes! I’ll be more careful! T-thank you for your help!”

“No, it’s fine. Oh right, it’s almost the time for the ceremony! Let’s hurry!”

I take a look at my watch, and surely, it’s almost the time. Oh dear, my head was so full about that boy, I almost forgot!

The cute girl who was walking ahead of me suddenly stops herself and turns back to me, “Your name?”

“Huh?”

“What’s your name?”

“Me? O-oh, my name is Rin.”

“All right, Rin!”

“Whoa…!” she suddenly holds my hand and pulls me along to run with her through the school ground.

While running with all our might, she says with a cheerful smile, “My name is Ane! Nice to meet you, Rin!”

“A-Ane! Okay! Nice to meet you too! Haha!”

Well, maybe my first day isn’t so bad at all. I hope I’m in the same class with Ane!

*later, after the ceremony*

I just saw on the notice board that my new class is in 2-E. Hmm, I wonder what kind of people that are waiting for me. I’m looking forward to it already.

Then, before I realized it, I arrived in front of my class. A bit nervous, I take a peek inside. There really is no one that I know here. I guess Ane isn’t in the same class with me. Aw…

“Rin?”

“Huh?” I turn to the source of voice behind me, and I quickly put on a cheerful smile again, “Ane!!”

“I guess we’re in the same class then? I look forward to it!”

“Y-yes! Me too!! I hope we can be a good friend!”

“What are you talking about? We’re a good friend already!”

“Aah, you don’t know how happy I am to hear that!” I hug her excitedly.

Yes!! I can see a bright future of my new life ahead!

*then, homeroom time*

We finally start our first homeroom, and the homeroom teacher’s name is Uesugi Kenshin. Hmm, if I take a look properly, he looks so beautiful for a man. Ugh, I feel like I just became a failure woman. I wonder where did my beauty go….?

“Hm?” I sense a shadow is moving through the slightly opened class door. I take a look, and I see a girl is peeking through the door’s window. Who is she? Why is she not in her class?

Also….

Look at that expression….

She’s… blushing?

I wonder if she’s looking at her crush here. Aw, too bad that they are in separate classroom.

I follow her gaze, and suddenly I realize that she’s not looking to the student desks. She’s looking to the sight in front of our class, Mr. Uesugi.

Whoa…

To think she even ditched her class to see Mr. Uesugi…

I guess someone will do anything for love, huh. I wonder if there will be a time for me to be like that girl too…?

*then, lunch time*

“First day of school is still light and fun, huh.” I say as I stretch my arms out after sit on a hard chair for a long time. Ugh, I suddenly miss my sofa.

“Well, we should prepare ourselves for the upcoming homeworks and tests. So we better have fun now. Haha.” Ane says with a wry smile.

“I suppose so.” I say with a chuckle, “Hey, Ane. Let’s go buy breads in the canteen!”

“I have my own lunch today, so…”

“Whoa, as expected. Let me see!”

“Sure. Here!” Ane opens her lunch box and there, at that time, once again I feel like I lost my beauty and pride as a woman.

I mean, look at this cute lunch box!! How could you even dare to eat these food babies?! Starving sounds better rather than have to eat these cuties!!

“I-I wonder if it looks weird….” Ane seems worried when she saw my reaction.

“No!! it’s the best lunch ever!!” I say with an excited voice.

Ane looks shy and she’s blushing a little, “T-thank you…”

Huhu, she’s so cute…

Wait, the lunch will be over if I don’t hurry!

“Ane, I will go buy my bread and milk first, okay?” I said as I get up from my seat.

“Sure. Want me to go with you?” she offers with a smile.

God!! Go to the canteen together with someone!! I feel like my real youth just started now…!

But wait. Ane has a lot of kind of foods. I bet she needs time to finish that. And, we know what kind of hell school canteen is, so…

Yeah, it will take time…

“I can go by myself. You go ahead and eat your lunch, okay?” I said with a grin on my face.

“Are you sure? Are you going to be okay?”

“Why are you so worried, though? I only buy bread and milk.”

“Well, you seem like the type who eat a lot, so…”

Are you saying I’m fat, Ane? Are you saying that I’m going to buy TONS of foods?

Okay, good. Rin, I guess it’s the time for you to go on a diet.

*a while later*

I guess I was too late. No, I guess the school canteen has became a worst hell ever.

I mean, look at this empty box….

I REPEAT! IT! IS! EMPTY!

Great, I see no breads! SOLD OUT!

Now what to do? Geez…

Looks like I have to skip my lunch.

“S-Saizo, are you sure you’re going to buy THAT much?!”

“Hm?” I hear a familiar voice beside me, and I see the famous duo, Sanada Yukimura and Kirigakure Saizo. I heard Saizo is so popular that he actually broke the record for got 500 chocolates in Valentine Day last year.

“Dear, this much of dangos aren’t problem at all. Now you go ahead and pay for me.” Saizo said while leaving Yukimura behind.

“Wha--?! Mmrrgh, damn you, Saizo! Always, and always!” though, Yukimura paid Saizo’s dango in the end. Yeah, Yukimura is so popular too thanks to his opposite side from Saizo. He’s such a shy boy, and he’s very kind. Meanwhile Saizo doesn’t seem to care about his surroundings and always keep that coldness of him.

“I can see the reason why Yukimura is so popular, but… Saizo…?” I mumble to myself, until…

“I know, right?”

“Huh?” someone agreed to my opinion and I quickly turn to face the source of that voice, “E-err…”

“Oh, forgive me, I forgot to introduce myself!” she laughs with such beauty and elegance. Whoa, does this girl really exist in our school? I didn’t know, “My name is Kobayashi Chiaki. And you?”

“Me? Ah, I’m Rin. Nice to meet you, Kobayashi.”

“Nice to meet you too, Rin! And please, just call me Chiaki. Both of us will get confuse after all.”

“Both?”

“Oh, I was talking about my twin sister. See? She’s over there.”

I follow her gaze, and I see a girl with a low twintail stands in the middle of busy and noisy canteen. Apparently she’s staring silently at Saizo with an unreadable expression. Though, I wonder why…

That small back of her…. looks so… lonely.

“I hate that Saizo, you see.” Chiaki suddenly mumbles.

“Why?” I ask her in curiousity.

“Before we met Saizo, Chise was a cheerful girl. She didn’t has this kind of flat expression. I miss her laughs.”

“Chise? Oh, so that’s her name.”

“When we met Saizo, Chise suddenly became like this up until now. I don’t know what did happen between them, but I surely hate Saizo for taking my sister’s soul…!”

Whoa, that’s a dark expression you have there…!

Also, Chise is still alive, oi…!

*later, in corridor*

“Ugh, in the end I didn’t get to eat anything… I guess I will just ask Ane to share her lunch? Will she even give it to me, though?”

As I’m wondering what to do about my empty stomach, I see our another popular student is currently….scolding….another student, I guess? I mean, it’s him. The famous one-eyed student council president, Date Masamune. He’s holding a… ah… adult magazine…

The owner of that magazine is no one but his own cousin, Date Shigezane. Masamune is likely your image of a full moon in the cold night, and Shigezane is the sun in the bright and clear blue sky. These two are so… unique, I think.

“Shigezane, how many times do I have to remind you, stop bringing this kind of magazine to school!”

“Sorry, Masa. But you see, my friend asked me the other day—“

“I don’t care about your friend. Just stop breaking the rules at school. Don’t bring shame to our family.”

“I know, I know… but Masa—“

“No buts.” Masamune hits Shigezane’s head with the magazine lightly.

“Masa, you’re no fun! I am fine with all the scolding, but I can’t let you not enjoy your highschool life!”

“Why are we talking about me now?”

Then, I see a young teacher walks in the corridor and approach those two. That teacher is still in training, or so I heard. His name is Katakura Kojuro.

“I personally agree with Shigezane about you should enjoy your highschool life.” Mr. Katakura said with a smile, “But I disagree about enjoy it by reading an adult magazine at school.”

“Ugh….” Shigezane pouts, “Kojuro, you’re so harsh…”

“Call me Mr. Katakura….!”

I chuckle a little at their conversation as I continue on my way to my class.

*finally, classroom*

As I sit down on my chair, I let out a very long sigh. Ane who just done ate her lunch is looking at me, worried, “Are you okay, Rin?”

“I don’t think so… ugh… I’m hungry…”

“How about your bread?”

“Sold out…”

“That’s too bad. And I just finished my lunch too… I’m sorry.”

“No, no. It’s fine.”

I guess I just have to hang in there a little bit. Ugh, I hope I can survive this.

Oh wait, this could be my chance to start on my diet!

“Your face…”

“Huh?” I look up, and I see a girl with right sided ponytail is looking down at me in front of my desk.

“Your face looks terrible. Have you had your lunch?”

“Uhh, not yet….”

“The bread that she wanted to eat just sold out.” Ane added and explained my horrible situation. Okay, that’s a bit exaggerating.

“I see…” the girl suddenly holds out a skewer of dango in front of me, “Here. At least have this. You don’t always have to eat bread to fill your stomach, right?”

“Ah, thank you. Then, I take your offer, err…”

“Shimizu Ryuu. Just call me Ryuu, okay? We’re classmate after all.”

“I see. Okay, Ryuu. Thank you!” as I eat the dango, I suddenly realize, “Wait, didn’t Saizo just buy…”

“Ah, I got this from him.”

“What? He shared his dango?!”

“Err, it will be a long story, but to make it short… yes? Hahaha.”

“Wow, that Saizo is actually sharing his dango.”

Ane seems confused, “Why are you so surpised? Sharing food is normal thing, right?”

Ryuu answers with a wry smile, “Well, not for Saizo, you see. You can say he’s quite a stingy when it came to dango.”

“Then why did you…?”

“Like I said, it will be a long story, so let’s just assume he happened to be in the mood to share? Hahaha.”

This Ryuu girl…

Could it be… she’s Saizo’s girlfriend?

Maybe she’s hiding it because she afraids Saizo’s popularity will go down. Also, maybe to avoid that bullying stuff and all…

Whoa, that’s an exciting love story, indeed. I wonder if that’s true.

*then, afterschool*

On my way to my home, while walking on the side of the road, I feel a sudden cold breeze is hitting my skin. Ugh, I guess it’s still a bit cold after all. I should have brought my jacket.

Hm?

Though, not long after I said that, I feel a cold water droplets on my cheeks, and gradually it became the rain that pours down heavily.

Oh, shoot! I better find a shelter!

I run as fast as I can, until finally I arrive in front of a traditional japanese sweets store. Okay, good. At least I find a place to—

“Stupid wench?”

“Huh?” I know that voice. Yes, I know it pretty well. And that rude way of speaking. It belongs to no one but, “You!! The rude guy in the morning!”

“Now who is the rude one?!” he glares while eating his strawberry daifuku.

“Ugh…. I guess my first day isn’t really that perfect after all…”

“…..”

“I got shoved by a rude guy in the morning, my favourite bread sold out, I only ate one skewer of dango, and now I’m stuck under a heavy rain with YOU out of all people…”

“I really wonder who is the rude one now…”

“How sucks.”

“How noisy.”

“Why are you even here?”

“And what’s the point of telling you?”

“Okay, forget it.”

“……”

“……..”

Urgh, this guy, I swear. He’s such an annoying and arrogant brat! My first step of my passionate and beautiful youth isn’t as smooth as I imagine—

“Achoo!” oh, great. Why does it has to be this cold anyway? What a bad timing.

Though, not long until I feel a warmth over my head. I touch and try to feel it, and I realized it’s his coat. This is quite a big one. Is a guy’s body really this big?

Wait wait wait wait!!

What are you even thinking?!

W-well, at least now I know that he has a good side to—

“Don’t make such annoying face.”

“Huh?!”

“I just don’t want you to spread your virus to my daifuku.”

“Now I won’t.”

“Great. And I suppose you know how to watch your attitude, right?”

“Grr…”

“What do we have to say again?”

“…an… you…”

“What? I can’t hear you~”

“….tha… ou…”

“Louder~”

“T-thank you!”

“Hmph.” He quickly puts on a satisfied grin on his face.

Urgh, I take my words back! He’s seriously the worst guy ever!!

To be continued

P.S: do expect a very slow update. Huhu, sorry.

#samurai love ballad party #slbp fanfic #slbp #voltage inc #fanfic #oc #original character #tokugawa ieyasu #kirigakure saizo #sanada yukimura #date masamune #Date Shigezane #Katakura Kojuro #uesugi kenshin

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