#dont ask me how the mechanics of mermaid sex works

[archangeldyke-all]

mermaid reader and pirate/sailor sevika

sevika would be such a good pirate! she's ruthless and driven and really fucking smart, could you imagine her in one of those billowing white shirts??? i just nutted.

anyways, let's be cliche. it's so fun.

men and minors dni

you're out swimming when you come upon a shipwreck. judging by the wreckage still in flames, it had happened pretty recently. you swim closer, eager to see what kind of treasures were on board. as you approach the debris, you hear a groan. you freeze, your eyes scanning the water for a sailor as you sink into the water, just your eyes above the waves.

it's been a while since you had a sailor, and human is always a nice treat when you've been feasting on fish for a while. you bite your lip as you start slowly swimming around the various floating barrels and shrapnel.

there's a few dead men bobbing on the surface of the sea face down. you scrunch your nose in disgust as you navigate the bodies, swimming toward the moaning that's echoing over the waves. humans only taste good when they're still warm.

as the last remaining yards of the main mast sink below the surface, a loud, animalistic scream sounds out from behind you. you whip around. your eyes catch on a moving figure. as you swim closer, you're eyes adjust, and you realize that it's a human hugging onto a bobbing barrel. you grin, your sharp fangs descending from your gums as you duck beneath the surface and swim under the barrel.

two feet below the floating human, you can only see their flailing legs. you smile. human legs are so strange looking. you reach out to run one of your long, sharp nails down their pant leg, laughing when they start to panic, flailing around in the water. "what the fuck was that?!" you hear their garbled shout out above the water. you giggle, then wrap your hand around their ankle. a loud shriek rings out and they nearly kick your face with their free leg. you dodge them and swim away, slowly rising to the surface behind where they're scrambling to straddle the barrel and get their body out of the water. you chuckle.

the sailor whips around to face you, and you both simultaneously gasp.

it's a woman, you think in shock. her breasts are heaving, and the thin white shirt she's wearing is doing nothing to conceal her chest now that it's soaked. her silver eyes are wild, her black hair is plastered to her face, her brown skin is dotted with drops of water. a pretty woman.

"fuck." she whispers. you giggle again, swimming closer to her as she scrabbles at the barrel in fear. "fuck fuck fuck." she curses. you stop ten feet away from her.

"i've never seen a human woman before." you say. she freezes.

"y-you can talk?" she asks. you giggle. humans always ask that.

"what are you doing out here?" you ask. the woman blinks at you.

"are... are you gonna kill me?" she asks. you shrug and smirk.

"dunno." you say honestly. "never killed a woman before."

it's silent for a moment. then, "aren't you supposed to sing?" she asks. you burst into laughter.

"only if i was trying to lure you. but... you don't really have anywhere else to go, do you?" the woman studies you and you study her. "you're very pretty." you say. the human laughs. what a lovely sound. "what are you doing out here?" you ask her again.

"i... i was captain of this ship." she says. you blink.

"women can sail?" you ask. she scowls at you.

"'course we can." she grunts. "they just don't want us to."

you consider this, looking the woman up and down. she's shivering now, the shock and adrenaline wearing off. "doesn't look like it went very well." you say, gesturing to the floating bits of ship surrounding you. she growls.

"that's not my fuckin' fault! my navigator got scurvy!" she spits. you swim closer to her and she shuts up, gulping. you frown.

"are you scared of me?" you ask. she huffs a laugh.

"obviously." she says. you frown.

"why?"

"fuckin' look at you!" she says, gesturing her free hand at you. you look down at your body. "gills and fangs and shit! i thought mermaids were a fuckin' myth!"

you pout, sucking your fangs back up into your gums. "there. better?" you ask. the woman shrugs.

"depends."

"on?"

"are you gonna kill me?" she asks. you grin.

"dunno." you say again. she groans. "what's your name?" you ask.

"sevika." she says.

"how'd you get into sailing?"

"dad was a fisherman." she grunts.

"which flag do you sail under?" you ask. you've had horrible experiences with sailors who wave the flag with the red X on the white sheet, a few of their ships tried to hunt you for weeks. ships that fly the red X on the blue sheet carry tasty sailors, always fattened up and full of liquor. the woman before you chuckles.

"none of 'em." she says. you raise an eyebrow at her. "i... technically was not the owner of that vessel." she says, gesturing to the bottom of the sea where her ship has sunk. you grin.

"you're a pirate!?" you gasp. she shrugs.

"i guess."

"a woman pirate!?" you ask again. she chuckles at your excitement.

"yeah." she says. you swim in an excited little circle before reaching your hand out to sevika. she flinches away from it and you pout.

"come on. i'm not gonna kill you." you say, shaking your hand at her. she eyes you warily.

"right. i'm sure you say that to all the boys before you sink those freaky teeth into their throats." she says. you grin and giggle.

"well yeah, but you're not a boy." you say. she hesitates, still, and you huff, crossing your arms over your chest. "fine. i'll just leave you here to starve to death. or maybe the dehydration will get you first. you'll start drinking the saltwater to quench your thirst and that'll be it. or maybe the sun will just cook you to a crisp when it rises." you say, slowly swimming away from the pirate. panic starts creeping over her face as you speak, and when you dip beneath the water, you hear her scream.

"wait! come back!" she shouts. you giggle and pop up six inches away from her. she jumps in surprise, her grip on the barrel slipping, and she starts flailing as she begins to sink. you quickly hook one of your arms under hers, pulling her back up to the surface and holding her as she gasps and sputters for air. "thank you." she says, as she clings to you. you smile.

the woman falls asleep in your arms as you swim her to a small deserted island nearby. on the shore, with half your body still in the water, you gently tend to her wounds, cleaning them out with saltwater before dressing them with strips of her shirt. she shifts and mumbles in her sleep, but doesn't wake. you admire her for an hour or two, pressing your ear to her chest to listen to her lungs, poking at her legs and studying her toes. when the sun begins to rise, you spend an hour catching and killing fish for her, dumping the headless bodies into a pile beside her sleeping body. it occurs to you that humans drink freshwater, so you begin to swim around the perimeter of the island, looking for a river or stream where you can collect some water for your new human friend.

when you return to sevika with a sack you'd made out of leaves filled with fresh water over your shoulder, she's starting to wake up. you claw up onto the beach to lay beside her, watching her twitching eyelids blink awake.

"you're real." she grunts. you smile. "thought i imagined you." she says, sitting up. there's sand in her hair, and you reach up to brush it out.

"your hair's so soft." you say as you twirl a lock of it between your fingers. sevika looks around her, taking in the island and the supplies you'd piled by her legs. she looks back down at you.

"you brought me here?" she asks. you nod. she blinks. "and the fish?"

"figured you needed to eat." you say. you nod to the freshwater. "got you water too." you say. "the kind you can drink, i mean."

sevika laughs, slightly hysterical as she takes in the scene. you frown.

"this is like... fifty pounds of fish." she says. you blink at her.

"yeah?"

"that's way too much fish." she says. you pout.

"i thought you'd be nice. you're a woman pirate for fucks sake, you're supposed to be cool! but all you've done since we met is call me scary lookin' and insult my fish!" you say as you start to shove yourself back down the shore and into the water. "i saved your life! and i didn't eat any of the fish i got for you. i mean, except for the heads. and i brought you to land and everything! you're fuckin' heavy, you know, and i swam you all the way here! and i haven't insulted your freaky ass legs once!"

you feel better back in the water. you duck your head under and swim ten feet away from the shore, twirling in a figure eight as you refresh your dehydrated body. when you breach the water, sevika's waist deep and scrambling, her hands reaching out as she searches for you in the waves.

she spots you and her shoulders slump in relief. you back away as she starts trudging towards you.

"would you quit swimmin' away, asshole? i'm trying to get to you!" she shouts. you roll your eyes at her but stop swimming, allowing her to doggypaddle over to you.

"you should be careful. the tide'll sweep you out and then you'll be lost at sea aga--mmph!"

sevika cuts you off with a kiss.

you've never kissed anyone before. some of the girls in your pack like to play with their food before they eat-- pressing kisses to enchanted sailors before tearing their throats out-- so you've seen it before. you just never got the hype.

at least not until now. because now, sevika, the pretty woman pirate, is pressing her chapped lips against yours, her warm human hands gently cupping your jaw as she hums against your mouth. now, you feel a whirlpool in your stomach. now, you feel an altogether different kind of hunger for human flesh in your chest. you wanna taste her, so you dart your tongue out to brush against her lips. she moans against you, one of her hands wrapping around your waist, pulling you against her chest. you shudder in her arms. she's strong.

sevika pulls away with a gasp after a while, and you hold onto her shoulders to keep steady as a dizzy feeling swirls in your head.

"i'm sorry." she says. "you're right. you've been nothing but nice to me and i've been a bitch. it's just a lot. i nearly died and then got rescued by a mermaid who chose to save my life and make me breakfast instead of singing me to my final sleep." she says. your eyes are locked on her lips, your tongue licking your own as you watch them move as she speaks. "you're beautiful." she says. "like... devastatingly beautiful. i can see why so many sailors would be allured by you." she says. you smile, your eyes flicking up to hers.

"we don't really eat that many humans, you know. before you guys had boats, our diet was mainly fish." you say. sevika grins.

"so... do you wanna eat some fish with me now?" she asks, gesturing to the tiny mountain of headless fish waiting on the beach. you bite your lip.

"promise you won't kill me and sell my body to scientists or something?" you ask. sevika laughs and kisses you again.

"yeah. 's long as you keep letting me kiss you." she whispers.

those terms seem pretty agreeable to you.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity

#sevika #sevika imagine #sevika arcane #sevika x reader #sevika x you #soft sevika #this was soooooooo fun to write omg. #also in case ur wondering: u end up helping sevika hijack a new ship and build a new crew #sevika builds a giant tub on deck for u #and her crew and ur pack team up and start luring asshole sailors to their deaths #for u to eat and for sevika to rob #and u guys live happily ever after obvs. #dont ask me how the mechanics of mermaid sex works #i have no idea

[evenbechnet]

GROUP CHAT 7/01/17 GMT

Feel free to edit and add!! 00:00- all quiet, everyone finally goes the fuck to sleep

1am- salma, bells and Elliot having a party and crying about the summary, horse Even!?? Why? Animals, farm yard animal, farm discourse TM. Quack quack mother fuckers.

2am-killer tire in dessert movie, ohmygid these guys are literally shit posting idk what I’m summarising but I’m laughing, Elliot gets attacked by animals how is he alive?,

3am-9am- wondering about Eva noora discourse, wondering about anteater Wilhelm,

Fic Recs galore: - http://archiveofourown.org/users/rhalei/bookmarks - https://archiveofourown.org/works/8815849 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/8961337 - http://archiveofourown.org/works/8802484/ - https://archiveofourown.org/works/8820784 - http://archiveofourown.org/series/607585 - WIP with 4 chapter no link!???

Talking about terrible FICS again, werewolf isak vs hung horse even, RHAE “instead of biking to the pool ISAK rides on evens back”, furry vs curry discourse, this isn’t VILDUS pls , Taha: someone needs to read it and report back/////

Ao3 FICS are weird, mermaid fic, (someone rec that properly pls I havnt read it -Zaa) , more talking about the trailer dropping and how we gon die, might require spray bottles,

Daf is awake and approves of the FICS, caterpillar on chrispys face in s1 #confirmed, FANART is so sacred , must protect at all costs, so much talent

WHERE IS A SNAKES BUTTHOLE, snakesak has taken over as a horrifying meme, snake tongue compile? Snake videos? Pls provide links, he always licking his lipssss we should have known, WE CANT GO BACK,

10am- if Isak has dry lips Even needs to be licking them for him, JUST COUPLE THINGS EVAK

11am- Shola wages a one man war on the crispy discourse, her soul has been penetrated by p Chris, sprays bottle and despair, Shola tried recalling her fellow demons daf and Rhae for back up, more pchris discourse(more like only pictures), hating on shola )): , everyone being possesed by pchris, FICS discussion, ao3 vs lj vs ffnet, first fandoms?

12am- Harry Potter aus, which houses discourse,slytherin isak and his snake pickup lines, see seperate post.drawings of snakesak with snake.

1pm- ISAK so pale, cafeteria scene creys, that week was too dark, General ep 6 and 7 love, SHOES, halla scene vs hotel room scene, matching boyfriends

2pm- it was defo isaks first time, INFINITE, why was Even hair still perfect, it was the icecream secret, Faiza pray bottle is needed, when even touches isaks Lip in the hotel SCENE, NOSE IN HIS MOUTH, ER DU DANSK, 2pm is Lot okay- AND ISAK BEING SO CLOSE TO HIS MOM LIKE "OK BUT YOU DIDNT PAY ME THIS WEEK AND YOUR SON MADE ME BUY SO MUCH SHIT WITH MYYYYY MONEY???"

Evens mum and isaks mum head canons, Listen someone write a fic where their families have a get together @cz where r u- there is no way to summarise what's happening it's actual chaos.

SHOLA FOLIGH AWAY, more crispy wilhelmmy faces, they never end, will we ever be free? Chris and Eva the new FOLGERS commercial - Dani is leaving to EAT GOOD THINGs - like snakes aka venom!???, HANDS, Evaks hands, who cares about SEX scenes we want hand holding, THERE WAS NO SEX SCENS DISCOURSE GOT TO IRONIC

3pm- PORNHUB talk, dick talk, are dicks ugly or not, what did ISAK do in the shower in ep8, how do ppl not read the texts between clips, Faiza coming for us all with even giving ESKILD sex advice and tips, Rhae throws holy water- OH How THE TURN TABLES, Eskild even Isak hitting gay bars head canons, kitchen sex ftw, they fucked in the kitchen after 5 fine frøkner #confirmed,ILL TATTOO MANNEN I MITT LIV ON MY FOREHEAD, NSFW headcanons: Even probably makes dick jokes while they have sex, probably goes "the millennium falcon isn't the only thing that comes in less than 12 parsecs" when he's close and isak just goes wtf Honestly I can summarise this its just filth about EVAK sex are we any better than the chrispy fan girls!?

just all around terrible EVAK sex headcanons to Justin beibers baby. DONT LOOK AT ME I AM IN THE SHAMECUBE.

Evens SEX playlist;

- My anaconda - nicki - Baby my Justin beiber - Talk dirty to me - Take U down by Chris brown - Lots of years and years

Praise kink Isak, its it's just filth for an hour plus about EVAK sex I'm not gonna lie, ISAK likes scarves because they cover them hickeys

4pm- Faiza telling us a cute EVAK In School making out behind closed class room door, Shola and RHAE span crispy, even tongue is not alone anymore hi isaks tongue, why is this chat so filthy we all need Jesus, multiple holy water GIFS, ocean gif, penetrator ET, HALLA after sex, DAF and Zaa livetexting the awful sleeping beauty fic , let's never speak of it again, more shitting on eyewitness, Talking about good shows, watch merli, the get down,sense8,

5pm- s4 NRK poll, skam saved 2016 y'all, so many feelings, getting pretty sappy, love all y'all, skam as a good and bad coping mechanism the discourse, from dicks to feelings: and EVAK story, even4s4 discourse for the tusen time, crispy Kreme roasting, season 4 trailer contemplation, 8th Jan at 21:21 WHAT LIES, also u; waiting t 21/22 8th Jan refreshing the site,

6pm- we are all hot AF #confirmed, the tollness vs smolness debate, we are all dating now it is decided, crushes and how to flirt, EVAK yoga store, COUPLES yoga, ASK OLD ESKILD typo I love to regret My life, more love life talk, let's take desperate to a whole new level of EVAK could do it so can we

7pm- Evens bipolar diagnosis discourse, fandom before and after ep8 on the subject, bitch we guessed it we was RIGHT, wlw on skam pls, attacking VILDUS smh, vilde Magnus sexuality debate TBH, WILLHELM NOSE CANT FIT INTO CHRISPEE's MOUTH, never gets ask old, look at that washboard ass, crispy again, will we ever be free of crispy, TRIGGERED WILHELMY AND CRISPY

8pm- quotes for edits, poems and writing such talent here u guys

9pm: fic talk, finally the mermaid fic link (http://archiveofourown.org/works/9111700/chapters/20710825), why is there tarjei David friendship discourse why, why are ppl so gross!?,

10pm- hating women who get IinThe way of m/m ships PLS DONT, why must ppl invalidate even and isaks sexualities?, 11pm- all quite on the western front TBH

#7.1.17 #chat