#edit: this isnt an invitation to terfs. i just got nervous about that all the sudden. im not detransitioning leave me alone

[vacant2007]

The intersection of trauma/negative experiences related to being afab + being a trans man is so weird and uncomfortable. I feel like a double-negative in the sense that I both feel threatened by men, and like I'm a threat for being one of them. I struggle to trust or forgive men, but womanhood doesn't suit me at all. I want advice and assistance on learning how to help myself move on from the stuff I've had to deal with, but absolutely none of the readily available resources was made for people like me.

#vent #personal #my new job i think is kind of repeatedly exposing me to triggers #i work in a museum and i have to learn all sorts of history #and it's just kind of littered with casual reminders of womens' history of oppression #the scope of the museum is very narrow but theres just little things here and there that make me uncomfortable and #kind of get that worm of anxiety tunneling in my mind so i can start spiraling into unpleasant thoughts #its just exhausting living in a world where i pick every single little thing apart all day because of my experiences #and whats really sobering is that compared to a lot of afab people my experiences are NOTHING #it just makes it so hard to justify to myself even seeing myself in men or liking them AT ALL let alone being one. #and sometimes i get so upset about it i just wanna puke #why did i have to be a man i didnt ask for this #why do i like men and relate to them #i dont trust any of them and its so exhausting i just wish i could approach this with my head instead of my reactive emotions #rant #negative #cw vent #sexism #edit: this isnt an invitation to terfs. i just got nervous about that all the sudden. im not detransitioning leave me alone