#every other curly person I know is doing fine but mine r so weird and I had such a golden few last years and they just completely stopped

[soulwillower]

boyfriend stuff • richie tozier

(richie tozier x reader)      

requested: PLEASE FAKE DATING TO LOVERS WITH RICHIE PLEASE A WHOLE FIC PLEASE MORE

warnings: swearing, fluff, mentions of sex, a bit of drinking, family members, richie has a little sis!! and i believe that is it but as always its unedited

[losers + reader are in college]

sorry i haven’t been posting much but i have this fic for u guys, hope u like it!

6k words yowza

♡

"you said what?!" you hiss, your stomach swirling, jaw dropped as the wind whips your hair around. richie's grinning, but it's not his usual up-to-something grin. much more of an i'm-sorry-i-ran-my-mouth-again  kind of smile, but it's still richie's, so it's impossible to stay annoyed.  

"well shit, doll. you know how i am! and it was my grandma, i couldn't let her down. she is crazy." he says with a shrug, his hand pushing back his wild curls as you glare up at him in his stupid striped shirt and awful, annoying, angelic face.

you scoff, crossing your arms as your eyes flick to behind richie, taking in the law library and some kids playing hackey-sack on the quad. birds chirp in the distance. "c'mon, toots. you can play my girlfriend for a few days, right?" he asks gently, making you look back to him, gazing into his hopeful expression.

you're silent as a warm breeze flutters around you and you weigh your options - honestly, what could go wrong by going to your friend's grandma's house and pretending to be his girlfriend for a bit?

"how far is the drive?" you ask sharply.

"yes, baby! i knew i could count on you." he yelps, scooping you in his arms and making you yelp, rolling your eyes. "i didn't actually commit to fake-dating you yet, richie. unless you pay me."

"100 bucks, kid." he says, holding your shoulders. you gape at him, "what? do you seriously need to convince your grandma and the rest of your family that you're dating someone that much?" you ask, eyes wide and a smile curling onto your lips.

this boy was ridiculous.

he launches into a story about how his grandma is super weird - nice, but oddly suspicious; like (as he puts it) red-scare mccarthy type suspicious, which doesn't do much to help his case with you.

he then lists on his fingers the reasons he needed a girlfriend and continued to insist, "y/n/n, look at me. nobody's going to believe that i'm single. i'm way too gorgeous." you roll your eyes so hard it hurts. 

"-plus, you're the only friend i have that is hot enough and tolerant enough to pass as my girl for a whole weekend. i would ask stan the man, but i already mentioned that it was specifically a lady-lover of mine, and i can't put stan through a weekend of bra stuffing on top of faking' it with me."

you scoff at his absurdity, following him as he walks towards his dorm and weighing your options. "we have to stay with your batshit grandma, tozier? and you're really gonna do all that boyfriend stuff?"

he just laughs, tilting his head up so the sun glints on his forehead and you have to tear your eyes away before you get too attached to the sight of him.

"oh, of course i am toots. i can't wait to treat you like you deserve, babe. plus, it's a small house. we'll be sharing a room, though." he mutters, slinging a heavy arm around you and giving you icy butterflies that thrash in your ribcage. you groan, "come on, richie. i'm only doing this out of the goodness of my heart." you mutter, shaking your head as he sweeps the door to his building open and wiggles his brows. "and i have to share a bed with you?"

"you can curse my momma for bein' so liberal."  he says with a shake of his head, "you'll love her, though. she's excited to meet my girlfriend."

you fake a gag.

x

somehow, a week later, you're pulling yourself out of richie's beat up cherokee and sighing at the heat outside, watching as richie unfolds his body to his full height and sweeps an arm towards the quaint house across the street.  you walk to his side of the car and shake your head, trying not to think of the pressure of acting like a good girlfriend for the next two and a half days.

the drive back to richie's hometown was just as you'd expected a road trip with richie would be - cherry cola, loud music, a/c on blast as the summer warmth whips around his car on the outside, and a briefly awkward lay out of rules for the two of you to follow.

"well what about, like, rules?" you ask, feet balanced on the dashboard. he looks over to you, smirking as he hums along to the radio as it plays quietly. "well, like, what about them?" he asks, smacking his mouth and fake twirling his hair like a valley girl. you hide a giggle behind a glare.

"i'm serious, rich." but your smile gives way to your playful manner as you toss a chip at him. it hits his shoulder and he smirks - you're distracted, then, by how the faint morning glow hits his eyelashes, how his side-profile is sharp and angular but somehow also soft and subdued.

his hair is scruffy and placed perfectly as if he'd just rolled out of bed - though you know it took him a few minutes to make it look that way. he's wearing his stupid black corduroy pants and a long sleeve shirt that looks so soft you might melt and his lips are quirked into a wry smile.

richie's eyes are bright and teasing as ever, even on this early morning, and his teeth toy with his pink lips as he grins. you smile to yourself as you stare, because richie tozier is an artwork.

"y/n/n?" he asks softly, shooting you a soft look that really makes your fingertips tingle as you reach for your coffee. had he been speaking to you? you clear your throat, "richie, eyes on the road."

he chuckles but obeys, turning to look forwards, and you feel your heartbeat relax slightly. "okay. what about touching?" you reiterate as he keeps glancing at you, making you flush and your stomach thrash in tickle.

"you know i'm all for it." he wiggles his eyebrows and you scoff, shaking your head and pressing your lips together to keep down a smile. he's too much."-for real, though. what are you comfortable with? i can do any of that boyfriend stuff." he says, mimicking your words from the week before when you'd agreed to come, and you turn red again for nearly no reason.

you shrug. "well, touching is fine...but don't you think.... er- i mean, maybe kissing is just... a little weird? i don’t know." you ask, your stomach fluttering. you're not totally sure why, or you just don't want to address it, but you think that kissing richie might make things... different for you.

you ignore the feeling as richie nods. "yeah, i mean it’s not like my parents are gonna try and make us lock lips in front of them anyways." he mutters, making you roll your eyes, smiling out the window as the countryside flashes by in splashes of green and yellow.

"right, kid. you ready?" richie's voice calls you to look at him with a smile. "guess so." you shrug, your breath mixing with the warm afternoon air. the front door of the house creaks open from across the yard and richie turns to you, smiling devilishly and holding your bag in his hand.

"quick, they're coming. kiss me." he says with a lopsided grin. your stomach dips and you huff, "ew, no!"

he looks at you with a grin as you continue, "-you just had funyuns! that's so gross." you say, shoving his face as he tries to lean closer to you, making kissy faces. you can't help yourself from giggling as he smiles, "do it! c'mon, toots. plant one on me." "no, rich!" you squeal with another laugh, shoving him as he beams down at you. slowly, he pulls you into his chest and you lay your head, wrapping your arms around him. the proximity of your bodies takes your breath away as you breathe in the faint scent of mint, strawberry and cigarettes. it makes you relax almost completely and you're unsure when these feelings with richie started, but you're suddenly hyperaware of them and you think you might be in some real trouble.

"let's do this, y/n/n."

x

you'd expected meeting richie's family to be the most stressful part of your day, but it went so smoothly you were almost concerned.

his mom was taller than you but still shorter than him, and when he lifted her up in greeting it made your heart swell. next was his grandma, who was quite short and had curly gray hair. she hugged you and kissed your cheek and you immediately felt welcome as you met them.

then not shortly after, a fiery bullet with a black dress and light - up sneakers came barreling full speed at richie, making you blink as he yelled, "munch!" and lifted the girl up.

you met his little sister, who he insisted you call "munch," through a shy wave and a grin as she had her arms looped and face buried in his neck.

and then you smiled and pretended not to feel anything as you watched him tickle her and kiss her forehead.

throughout the day, it is physically painful for you to watch richie with his family. really, it is.

you know richie tozier. the boy who falls asleep at the library and drools on his textbook, the boy who ties people's shoelaces together at parties when he's just entered that drunken stage of "pranky richie." he's the dumbass who fell out the window of bill's dorm and into the bushes, the kid who was a huge nerd yet incessantly boasted about his 'very high' body count (which, by the way, you did not believe). he was the loud person at every party, the kind who drew people in out of admiration, fascination or loathing, he was the boy who got the highest gpa and also the highest amount of parking violations and speeding tickets.

but here, at home...

god, richie was incredible. he had a whole other side to him that fit in perfectly, like a missing piece to a puzzle that you didn't even know was incomplete. he spent as much time with his sister, munch, as he could - singing to her, brushing and braiding her hair, teasing her relentlessly, and making snacks for the three of you.

he even wore a tiara and a tutu when munch insisted you have a tea party - and he steeped real tea (which tasted like shit because he did not know how to steep tea), even getting out his grandma's fancy cups.

the way he treated munch was honestly the nail in the coffin for you, because the one thing you expected richie to be bad at was interacting with young kids. like, he swears like a sailor, is always bouncing around, rarely goes a day without a cigarette, and just all around seems like he'd prefer the company of an average-aged joe. but he is full of surprises, as you've learned.

x

it took almost six hours of driving to get to his grandma's house, none of which richie allowed you to drive, despite your insistence. so after a quick catnap, you'd spent the entire day exploring the house, playing games, and getting to know munch and the rest of his family. and so now, before bed, richie was upstairs showering while you were sitting downstairs at the kitchen table with his grandma and his sister.

you were left to your own wits with his family, which wasn't too bad, but you're nervous you're going to slip up.

"you are just such a lovely young woman, aren't you?" his grandma asks, sipping on her bailey's. you laugh, shrugging your shoulders. "you're too kind, really. you guys are just easy to be around." you say with a smile.

"now i just wonder, what made you settle with richie?" she asks, lifting a brow. you choke on the last gulp of your own bailey's, the warmth going straight to your stomach and the alcohol right to the head. you decide to go the joke route.

"i have no idea, i mean. have you seen those awful shirts?" you say with a snort. his grandma laughs sweetly, sipping again and seemingly forgetting the problem so you pull at your collar, willing for richie to come rescue you.

speak of the devil and he shall appear.

"-hey, you can't judge my life choices, y/n/n, because you are one of them." he says with a grin, drawing you into the crook of his shoulder. "the best one, might i add."

you flush but just roll your eyes, knowing that it's just for show, but secretly yearning for that to be true.

he groans."can you at least pretend you think i'm charming?" richie whines,  "that costs extra." you say, then suddenly your eyes snap to richie's as you realize what you've said.

"costs?" his grandma asks, looking confused. you clear your throat, "o-oh, i..."

"she owes me gas money." "he owes me money for food."

you stare at each other - fuck. that's kind of awkward. richie's grandma hums in suspicion and your mouth feels dry.

richie suddenly guffaws loudly, shaking your shoulders as he nods. "well aren't we the cutest, y/n/n? okay, let's get you off to bed now." he rushes, shitty excuse doing nothing to fix the situation as he tugs your arm so you rise from the stool, then places your empty mug in the sink. he kisses his grandma on the cheek and hurries you upstairs, towards the guest bedroom where you're both staying.

x

the next day was when you really realized that richie tozier never stopped fidgeting. he was an anxious person inherently, so you understood this mixed with his adhd led him to tapping fingers, humming and bouncing his legs.

earlier, he'd had his arm secured around your waist (a foreign yet welcoming sensation) as you'd eaten dinner with his family. he was shaking his leg so aggressively that the table was vibrating and you loved it - you loved the uncomfortable but understanding looks on everyone's faces. you loved that they loved richie just as you did, you loved that they accepted him and teased him and hugged him and joked with him and listened to him like you did.

"what're you thinking' about?" he'd asked into your ear, loud enough that the others had definitely heard. his grin was nearly audible and you smile, looking into his warm eyes, "just you." you'd said simply, with a shrug. and as the words left your mouth, you realized you weren't even putting on a show, or ‘faking it' for his family.

you just really, really liked richie.

shit.

so now, it was well after richie's sister had gone to sleep and the rest of the family was up drinking, listening to music and telling stories. you really were enjoying all the embarrassing stories that fell from maggie's lips, her brain and body being well into a bottle of chardonnay and being more and more humiliating as the clock ticked on.

"-and he was- what was he, dear, seven?" she asks, hand falling onto wentworth's thigh. richie groans, "mom, stop. this isn't even funny."

you nudge him, "speak for yourself."

richie scowls then, leaning back against the awful floral pattern of the couch and pulling you into his side. you smile as you nuzzle into his chest, listening to his wild heartbeat as maggie laughs, "oh, rich. we're just teasing you because we love you."

you nod and giggle as he sticks his tongue out at her. his grandma speaks up, "how did you two kids meet?"

she sounds almost angry, and you're not sure why, so you laugh a little into your sleeve as richie leans up a bit as if preparing for a bullshit speech.

"well y/n was friends with bill first, you know. bill, mike, and her had a class together, and i always heard about y/n this, oh y/n that." richie starts. you smile as you watch him talk, recognizing that it really is the way you met. you'd figured he would just make something up.

"-but anyways, this one time, she came into the dorm because she thought bill would be there. it was just me, though. i was working on some homework or something, and she-she just looked amazing. seriously, i sounded like bill when i introduced myself because i stuttered so much." maggie shakes her head at that, but richie plows through, "and god, ma, she's so smart, she was so sweet i swear i almost got cavities just from talkin' to her for ten minutes. i have never been more star struck in my life, dad. i swear." he says, shaking his head. "later, after y/n left, bill told me he did it intentionally. the little wingman he is, tried to get us to hang out because he knew i'd fall head over heels in love. who couldn't?" he ends, smiling gently at you and brushing his hand on your cheek.

oh.

you feel yourself flush and then you smile at the carpet, your hand rising to grab richie's and lace them together.  you didn't know how damn thick tozier could lay it on - boy did he know how to woo a girl. even if it's all fake.

"meant to be, huh?" wentworth says, and you look from him to richie's grandma, then to richie. "guess so." you say quietly, leaning up to quickly peck richie's cheek and then telling yourself it's just for show in front of his family. it isn't.

it was only 15 minutes later that richie decided it was time to retire to the bed, insisting you come with him - but you know it’s because he’s getting very embarrassed. it was cute to see him flustered for a change. 

"goodnight!" you call, waving to maggie and went as they raise their glasses at the two of you, maggie with a knowing glint in her eye.

you both walk in content silence until you get into your bedroom. 

the music still plays downstairs, a melody of piano and guitar and maybe a quartet wafting up through the vents and creating an eerily romantic ambiance. slowly and wordlessly, richie puts his hands on your waist and hums nonsense as he sways the two of you.

without thinking, you melt into his touch and smile.

you wind your arms around his neck as you move with him, his meaningless humming setting your heart into overdrive - or, perhaps, it's because of the proximity to the boy in front of you.

"rich, nobody's here to see us." it's whispered, because you really don't want to pull away or to have him realize that this isn't what friends do, because you like it. a lot. 

"i know." he says it so softly, you barely hear it. but it's there, the words are out in the open, and you like the way they fall over the air in the room like they're meant to be there. the soft light of the single lamp, the ugly floral wallpaper, the smell of richie.

"isn't it nice, though?" he adds, almost like an afterthought. you grin down at the carpet below you, your eyes taking in his striped socks, his feet absolutely dwarfing yours as you move back and forth gently.

"yeah, it really is." you whisper back, lifting your head up to watch his owl-eyes as they stare back at you, his chewed lips parted as small puffs of breath fall out, his nose splattered with freckles that you can make out from the proximity. he smells like chocolate and that damn mint smell again

"richie..." you start, your eyes trained on his lips as you slowly feel yourself leaning closer to him. he looks frozen, his eyes now changing from wide to almost hooded as he stares down at you. 

you wonder if he's afraid to move, because he's stopped swaying you and now his thumbs are rubbing circles into your side, slipping under your top and yeah, that's definitely new but it's amazing and you wonder if it's such a bad thing for you to want all this stuff with richie.

and to want more.

"yeah babe?" he asks and your brain marvels at how natural and unceremoniously the pet word falls from his lips, as if that really was your name.

but then - be it fear, shame, or anxiety - you mumble out the words, shaking your head. "did bill really try to set us up? l-like, was that all true?" you say with an awkward smile. you just clear your throat, eyes not focusing on richie as if you're looking for something, anything to occupy your mind because you can physically feel the tension and it's suffocating you.

"yeah." he says simply after a couple moments, arms still wrapped around you. you're now too nervous to look at him because he'll see how pleased you are, how happy it makes you that people want you and richie to be together. "all of it was real." he says and his voice sounds so honest, so genuine and so raw that you smile bashfully, looking at him shyly.

"oh, cool." you mutter quietly, fingers playing with the fabric on his chest. he chuckles and his chest shakes with the noise as he pulls you even closer to him. his fingers rise softly to cup your chin and he tilts your head so you're looking in to each other's eyes.

richie is staring at you with a sincerity that you swear you've never seen before; his gaze on yours makes you hear a soft guitar melody, makes you feel weightless and completely full at the same time, makes you taste adventure and strawberries. 

his lips are parting and if he were to speak to you right now, you're completely confident that you would not comprehend a single one of his words because you're too caught up in him. he's making you see pale pinks and blues and lilac and you swear you want to stay the subject of his gaze forever and ever, just you and him and the world outside this room. 

"cool, hm? cool is all i get, baby?" he asks softly, and the only reason you hear it at all is because you feel his breath on your lips and even though you said 'no kissing,' that was a lie - you think you might want to feel his lips on yours forever. your eyes fall shut as you grip his shirt collar, smelling his stupid strawberry 3-in-1 wash as you lean in closer.

and his lips brush yours so faintly that you swear it's like a kiss from a fairy; there and gone so quickly you aren't sure if it ever happened in the first place-

"-jesus, munch!" richie suddenly yelps, scaring you and himself as he jumps slightly, leaning away from you.

you look down, eyes opening to see richie's sleepy sister staring up at you two with wide eyes, her hand clutching richie's leg. "why are you up, kid?" he asks softly, kneeling to her height, hands leaving you. your heart pounds wildly in your chest and you try to catch your breathing, your fingers brushing your lips as you watch richie. did that just happen?

munch whispers into richie's ear, looking to the floor afterwards and you smile, loving how different the siblings are in personality and how sweetly richie treats her. 

richie looks to you with a bashful grin of his own, his cheeks glowing pink and making your heart flutter because at least he felt slightly the same way you felt right now.

"munch wants you to read her a story." he says, shrugging lightly, "you don't have to if you don't want to." he adds, his hand rubbing her head as she hugs his leg. you smile, "n-no, i'd love to."

richie rubs munch's cheek, "lead the way, kiddo." richie loops his arm around your waist softly as you follow her to her room, and you are pretty damn sure it's not just for show.

it took about ten minutes for her to fall back asleep, nestled in a mound of stuffed animals, blankets, and an old shirt of richie's that he'd left behind when he went to school. 

your own eyes droop as you lean your head onto richie's shoulder from where the two of you rest against the wall, stretched on the edge of her bed, and the last thing you remember is smiling at munch's sleeping figure before it's all blank.

you wake up again with a start as you hear a thudding noise - your eyes are bleary and dry, your back and neck kinked in the worst way and you groan a bit as you stir and lift your head. you look around and richie is standing in front of you, arm outstretched. wordlessly, you grab his hand and pull yourself to your wobbly legs as you look at his sister's sleeping body.

you're so exhausted and thrown off that you just follow richie wordlessly into your room and pull off your jeans, putting on shorts before flopping onto the bed next to richie in the dark. 

"g'night." he mumbles sleepily as he wraps a heavy arm around your waist, pulling you closer so he can reach over you to put his glasses on the nightstand. he falls back onto the pillow with a tired huff and you're already half asleep but you can't help your heart from picking up speed as a pair of lips press softly to your hairline.

you fall asleep this time feeling warm and comfortable, the feeling of his lips burning on your forehead sweetly. 

x

when you wake the next day richie’s already gone, the space next to you cold and empty.

 after getting ready, you pad down to the main floor to find everyone outside, munch and richie splashing around in the pool in the backyard. you're excited to see they've set up a lunch outside in the shade under the tree and you decide to go put on your swimsuit just as richie walks in.

"mornin' sugar." he grins, walking over to the kitchen sink. you snort, looking at the clock on the oven: 11:18.

"hey, sorry i slept so late." you mumble, your stomach filling with butterflies as he smiles genuinely at you. your eyes trail over his bare chest, dripping with water droplets as he breathes slowly. your mind flashes back to last night, and you shake your head, jabbing your thumb behind you. "um, i should go put on my suit." you feel awkward. 

he hums, pushing off the counter, "i'll walk with you."

you frown as he does, nervous about being alone with him again. you're being a fucking dumbass, sure, but he makes you nervous in the most delicious way and you can't help but picture his lips fully on yours. it's a terrifying thought, honestly.

"my grandma is being weird today, i think she's onto it because she said we were just really good frien-" richie mutters as you walk the hall and you cut him off, frustrated with his paranoia for no reason.

"rich, why does it even matter if she suspects us? it's not like she knows for sure." you try to reason, your hands falling on to his arms to halt his stride.

he’d just mentioned his grandma’s offhand comment about how close of friends you seem to be. maybe it was nothing, or maybe she didn't believe you. why did it even matter?

he shakes his head, eyes wide. "because that's fucking embarrassing for me! i have feelings, you know." he defends.  

you roll your eyes - you knew damn well richie had feelings. this was getting to be so stupid, this whole thing was pointless - because you know that you've just fallen in love with richie for real and made things ten times harder for the two of you.

"of course you do, rich, but we-"

the noise of footfall in the hallway to your left sends you both into a panic for no entirely good reason, so you tug him closer towards you with wide eyes. his hands catch himself on the wall on either side of you, his breath fanning on your face.

why are you so panicky and jumpy? "did they hear us?" richie whispers frantically, head turning to look and see who was coming towards you.

so instead of responding, for some reason your brain insists you act like a fool and draw his lips to yours. your hands cup his jaw as you press your lips to his, the feeling sending your stomach through loops and your brain fuzzy.

holy shit, this was exactly what you told yourself not to do. shit.

just as you pull back slightly, intending only for the kiss to be a chaste peck, richie's hands are on your body and he's pressing you against the wall, deepening the kiss as he tilts your head to deepen it. 

you're caught off guard, eyes wide as you throw your hands around his neck, kissing him fervently. your eyes close and his tongue prods your lip, taking your fucking breath away.

he tastes like sugary lemonade and you think you're melting, spiraling and falling deeper as you open your mouth. you almost moan out at the feeling of his tongue in your mouth, sliding your tongue against him just as a throat clears.  

you both pull back, alarmed even though you knew this was going to happen - but you're more alarmed at what the fuck richie just did than at his grandma staring at you. 

yeah, his grandma catching you kissing was sort of a huge victory in the 'selling the fake relationship' department, but it’s also a huge bummer for your 'pride and self-confidence' department.

“shouldn't you two be outside?” she says, a small smile on her lips. you let out a quick breath, unable to fucking speak after what just happened. you faintly think you can hear richie saying something to her and then she’s shaking her head with a smile and walking towards the backyard. you blink,  your fingers still hovering over your tingling lips. then, you snap out of it and turn to richie.  as you shove him up the stairs, you yelp, "if you ever kiss me like that again-"

"oh, shut up, you liked it!" he fights back as he turns toward the room you're sharing and lifts a brow, "you opened your mouth for tongue-" he starts but you screech, rushing through the doorframe and shutting the door a little to loudly, "i did not!" you hiss, shoving his shoulders and hiding your smile.  

he stares at you, a grin on his face and eyes teasing. "-then why'd you lick mine when i stuck it in your mouth?" he’s shrugging. you want to punch him in embarrassment because holy shit, is this not a big deal to him?

your eyes widen and you scrunch your face, "god, you're disgusting, just-" you sigh, shaking your head.

your heart is thumping wildly in your chest and you have to physically hold your hands down by your sides so you don't reach up and tug at the stray curl on richie's forehead.

"doll, all i'm sayin' is that was a good practice kiss." he shrugs again.

right. it was for practice.

he speaks up again and you swear he’s giving you a headache. "hey, i mean...since we're here, should we practice sleeping together too?" you turn bright at his words. "richard!" he giggles as you slap his shoulders and he mutters, "-yeah, no, i was kidding, sugar. damn, baby." he mutters, shaking his head with a grin so bright you can't help but share it. “i mean, technically we already did, last night and the night before. but that’s not the kind of sleepin’ i was talking about-“

you cut him off with a stern look and an elbow to the gut and he has the audacity to fucking giggle. 

your stomach tosses and flips itself sick inside of you at the sound and you sigh, giving him a look as he grins. you hope he doesn't notice the absolute heart-eyes you have for him at every given moment.

"cross my heart, sugar. totally kidding." he says, eyes closing as his fingers lazily trace an 'x' over his chest. "i'll wait out here for ya, toots." he says as he walks out of the room, leaving you to change into your suit quickly.

when you open the door back up for him, he whistles. "damn, y/n/n, you look fuckin' sexy."

you stare at him with a blank expression. "richie i'm wearing the same clothes as earlier." you deadpan, gesturing to yourself, having put your clothes back on top of your suit. he grins cheekily as he walks down the stairs, flashing you a wink, "i know that."

he rocks back on his heels. 

"so what can i do to show my love for you since i can't kiss you?" he asks, smirking. you roll your eyes, "shut up, richie. we're by ourselves right now, you don't have to do anything." you insist, pulling your hair back from your face. he sighs, groaning as if in pain. "but what if i just want to?"

you freeze, looking to him with wide eyes as your stomach drops. "do you really just want to?" you ask, mostly joking as your heart beat picks up. he takes a few steps towards you, shirt now on as his curls drip slightly. you watch a drop roll down his jaw and you swallow.

"yeah, i really do." he says simply, shrugging. "i’ve realized that i really do want to do all the boyfriend stuff for you."

you let out a shaky laugh, a smile falling onto your face as you raise your eyebrows. "for show?" you ask, and he shakes his head with a small laugh. "no." he says and you stare at him, unmoving. 

"so you’re gonna make me say it, huh?" he says with a smile that gives you full-blown butterflies as he pulls you to him. you smile back at him, heart melting into mush at the thought of richie being your real boyfriend.

"i think you should, just to be safe." you say with a grin. he smiles brightly, hand coming up to your cheek. his thumb rubs over your face.

"i love you, y/n." he says softly, looking into your eyes. "i want to be your boyfriend, and i want you to be my girl and i want to do stupid shit with you and have tea parties with munch, and for you to listen to my parent's embarrass me, and to spend all my time with you. i want all the boyfriend stuff, y/n."

you shake your head, "we already do that, rich. i've been yours this whole time." his cheeks turn pink and you love the way he looks so you add, "i love you too, richie. i really do. please be my boyfriend."

he kisses you, then.

it's soft, his lips like rose petals and his kiss like honey and it's quite different from your other kiss - both incredible, but this one with much more intention and love. it melts you completely as richie pulls you closer to him, his lips parting from yours slowly, a smile falling onto his face.

"what do you say then, want to go for a swim?" he asks softly, sending you a smile that is blushy and beautiful. you smile, pecking his lips. "sure, rich."

"c'mon, girlfriend." he says happily, tugging you down the stairs and making you grin stupidly, knowing this time for sure that it's not just for show.

//tag list:  @gabiatthedisco @blisshemmings​ @toziershmozier @simplesammyx @dickology64 @clownsloveyou @moon-shine-baby​ @daughter-of-the-stars11  @lets-vibe-bro @trashedfortozier @oceandog13 @finnskindofwoman​ @diorbubs @kait-tozier​ @upamongthestarss​ @fiantomartell @beverlyparkerr @beauregard-s @baby-yoda-a \\

#richie tozier x reader #richie x reader #richie tozier smut #losers x reader #losers club x reader #bill denbrough x reader #stanley uris x reader #eddie kaspbrak x reader #my writing

[yoonminist]

crush stories p1 (💕tell me about your crush 💕)

My crush is tiny and has the fluffiest hair, but his voice is deep and sometimes it gets even deeper when he’s laying down. He’s cold and hard on the outside, but he’s just insecure. His skin is v soft and v warm. He likes staying up at night, and his voice when he’s whispering is honestly the best thing ever. We’ve spooned and cuddled and he’s napped on my lap and we’ve fallen asleep holding hands but, unfortunately he’s in love with one of his best friends. Hurts, but it’s worth it :’))

ohhhh he seems so ideal and all of that sounds so intimate i’m sorry it can’t work out :’( i hope you find someone else ♡

So my crush is really short (even shorter than me) she’s overall really tiny but she has really big hands that are always cold and since mine are always hot I need to warm them up all the time. She has the prettiest hair and really pretty blue eyes. She always looks so beautiful even when she just woke up fkdk she is pretty quiet but when she’s with me she can get really loud lmao sadly she hates to cuddle but sometimes I can get her to do it xd She always let’s me talk because she knows ppl like to ignore me but she still sucks at listening and sometimes i talk for 10 minutes without her even noticing dkdkssk she has an asshole of a boyfriend who really doesn’t deserves her but she never listens to me :( she works too hard all the time what causes her to “fail” more often what really makes sad also she sucks at taking care of herself and I have to feed her or she would die I’m pretty sure xd BUT EVERYTHING ABOUT HER IS SO CUTE

NO THIS WAS SO NICE UNTIL THE BOYFRIEND PART but awwww regardless she’s still so lucky to have you and she sounds beautiful

My crush is a boy, he has curly black hair and a little beard. He is verry tall, about 25cm taller than me. He is very smart, and funny, but a little shy. We don’t talk so much as we used to do. I see him sometimes in tuesday, wednesday and thursday. I started to like him in 2014 I wish i could talk to him more times or tell him that i like him, but i’m shy too. I’m planning to declare myself at the end of next year, wish me luck. (English is not my first language , i’m sorry if its bad :))

i like guys like this fjkdnjfnjksn woww that’s such a long time to have liked someone ,, but good luck!! i hope it all ends up well and don’t apologise, your english is fine :’)

My crush is so pretty. It’s me

your crush did that??? i love it

My crush is stupidly idiot. No joke, i don’t even know why i like him so much??? I mean, before it was different, we were always together and he always made things that made me smile and always made my heart go faster. Now i see him almost never, and when i do, he’s a jerk :)))) OH MY GOD WHY IS MY HEART LIKE THIS???? Stupid him, stupid me :((( #SadStory

oh no :’( i guess it takes time to get over people sometimes especially if you have good memories with them but this one reminds me of the Most Cursed crush i had on this guy i at the same time hated just because i knew he liked me lmao HE WASN’T EVEN CUTE RIP

the guy i have a crush on… it’s been two years and he still makes my heart skip. like we met in junior year and he was the sweetest and our personalities are v v similar and i just.. he had a girlfriend senior year that he absolutely adored and even though it sucked, every time he spoke about her.. his eyes would light up and i couldn’t but selfishly wish i was the one he spoke to other about like that. but i still supported their relationship bc seeing him happy always made my day. but..  they’ve broken up and he seems like he’s over her and yet.. i’m still scared to tell him how much i like him. he has the prettiest crystal blue eyes and his smile is so cute! he’s done things in the past that suggest he may have some kind of feelings for me (sending me a random snap of me in our shared math class and telling me i’m beautiful.. we even have on going joke that we’re married) and honestly… i know i’m rambling but he still makes my heart race and i’m too scared to tell him. 🙈

two years is a LONG time aww this is so cute ;; i’m familiar with this situation lmao i don’t know how long it’s been but if you want advice i’d say that with someone’s who’s just come out of a r/s it’s best to take your time,,, so as not to pressure them just in case they’re not completely over their ex but you know him better than i do so you can ignore me!! whatever happens i hope it goes well, i’m supporting this ♡ ♡

My crush is vv sweet and nice, He’s a lot taller than me (but I’m tiny), and has tae’s facial structure and nose but joon’s eyes and lips. He’s really smart and I look up to him a lot. At the same time he’s a flipping dork that’s into memes and weird cringey shit. His face is really squishy and adorable, especially when he laughs it’s the cutest thing in the world to see his eyes squint closed and his (thicc) lips stretch wide to show his cute braces. Ah man I think I’m in love

and i think i’m in love with your love wth he really does sound like the cutest thing in the world,, this is so pure fdjjnfjm i hope you guys end up together, if there’s a chance ofc ♡

#ask game #keep sending if u want !! i rlly love them fjkdnjnds i just have a lot i thought id put them tgt #sackadaisical

[amidst-the-mists-blog]

Hey, I do you think you could do a imagine where the reader is like really anxious about everything and they've snuck away from their house one night for some fresh air and they come across the losers club and the club think they’re like a ghost or something because they’re too shy to approach them? idk if that makes sense.

Hey there lovely, thanks very much! You’re my first request which made me smile because I didn’t think I would get any. I like to write my imagines using first person (I/Me/Myself) as opposed to second person (You/Your). I have written the anxiety to be the way I experience it, but I apologise if that’s different to the way you feel anxious!

Thanks again, and I hope you enjoy it! xx

He Sees the Ghosts

‘Amidst the mists,

and fiercest frosts,

he thrusts his fists against the posts

and still insists he sees the ghosts.’

The chant wrapped around my body like a mantra, cloaking me in an odd sort of comfort as I shakily picked my way through the dense scrub around the place the locals called ‘the Barrens.’ The words seemed to ward off any evil nearby as the trail twisted ahead, glistening and silver, snaking its way through the trees towards the gossamer river. I couldn’t tell you where I’d picked the words up, but I knew that they sat comfortably on my tongue. The moon and stars pulsed weakly behind a veil of mist, begging to be seen. I felt like the mist was inside my head too, wrapping itself tightly around my mind. My heart raced a million miles an hour and I couldn’t stop the shaking encompassing my whole body. I felt utterly, hopelessly, devastatingly, alone.

Then I came across the clearing.

The river twisted silently past a group of children sitting in a circle. Torch beams skittered across young faces but for once the light didn’t make them look eerie, but cosy. Something must have just happened in the group, though, because a short boy was sending high-pitched threats of ‘I’m going to kill you Tozier!’ curling up into the night sky. However, instead of actually killing anybody, the short boy bent down and settled himself between a face with thick-framed glasses and another framed by curly hair with a huff. It was quite funny, and from my hiding spot I stifled a laugh.

‘Guys, did you hear that?’ The short boy’s head snapped up instantly, staring straight at my face. My heart rate quickened and I begged him not to see me. That was Eddie Kaspbrak. I knew him and his friends, I realised with despair. We were all in the same grade. I felt like a deer caught in the headlights - I couldn’t leave now. If they saw me, they’d tell everybody about how I was spying on them, and my life would become even more miserable.

‘Hear what, dumbass?’ Richie Tozier scoffed. ‘Did Mommy give you too many pills today?’

‘Beep beep Richie!’ Eddie was angry now. ‘I heard something, I swear I did.’

‘R-r-relax, Eddie. It’ll just be a r-r-raccoon or s-something,’ Bill Denbrough muttered tiredly.

‘That was not a raccoon, I know what a racoon sounds like Bill, and that’s - look, I’m not supposed to be out this late, and if, and if some murderer finds us and kills us, then my Mom will kill me. I’m not kidding.’

‘Maybe its the weird clown all you virgins keep seeing, the one that bled all over Bev’s bathroom!’ Richie got up and danced around the circle, waving his arms around and chanting ‘oh Evil Clown that stalks our dreams, come forth and -‘

I let out a small gasp as he mentioned the clown. It was like all control left my body. I began to shake and my heart tightened its grip on my stomach. Seven heads turned towards my shelter.

‘What the f*ck was that?’ Richie gasped.

‘It’s a killer. Oh, I told you, I told you! When my Mom finds out…’

Amidst the mists, and fiercest frosts.

I repeated the words again and again in my head, letting the familiar rhythm distract me from the pressure in my heart.

‘It’s not a killer.’ A calm, steady voice said. It was one I didn’t recognise from the hallways of school. My heartbeat hammered away again.,

He thrusts his fists against the posts.

‘You don’t know anything, Mike! I bet he’s going to cut us up and there’ll be blood everywhere and do you know how long it takes to bleed to death? ten minutes, guys, only ten -‘

I let out my breath, a puff of white dancing upwards in the cool night air. The group froze again and Bill inched cautiously closer towards the trees that protected me. Our eyes locked for a split second and he let out a short, sharp, breath.

‘It’s a g-g-g-g-‘

‘It’s a ghost.’ Eddie whimpered.

And still insists he sees the ghosts.

‘Don’t be stupid,’ Stan Uris began, but he trailed off immediately.

‘I’m not a ghost.’ I whispered, but I might as well have been. I felt as ice-cold as the river slipping along its course behind the group. Suddenly the pressure left my chest and I turned to run, mortified that I’d been caught spying. My feet skittered on the blanket of leaves underfoot and I almost lost a fight to a tree trunk, but strong, firm hands held me in place. I couldn’t break free and the panic bubbled inside me again. My stomach turned itself inside out and back again, but I turned round to swing a punch, only to pause when I realised the age of my captor.

‘Jesus.’ The hands released me and unfamiliar dark brown eyes met mine. ‘Who are you?’

I froze and the mist made its way back into my brain, shutting down every reaction I had. Everything felt heavy and leaden and I felt the pine needles crunch beneath my feet as I swayed underneath the stars.

‘Woah there.’ Brown-eyes soothed. ‘Are you alright?’ I couldn’t reply.

An assortment of hands lowered me down onto the dirt, and a jacket was draped around my shoulders protectively.

‘I’m Mike Hanlon,’ the boy said. ‘That’s Beverly, Ben, Stan, Bill, Eddie and Richie. There’s no need to panic, you’re fine with us.’

I couldn’t respond, only stare blankly ahead.

‘I know you.’ the only girl said, and I knew her too - she was Beverly Marsh, and she was in my social studies class. So was the boy next to her, Ben something.

‘You’re Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N.’

I nodded my head, but it was an effort. I couldn’t stop shaking and my teeth were chattering. Every sense felt heightened - the mournful call of the owl seemed to split my head into two, allowing the cold air to slice against my skin and the weight of the coat anchor me to the ground.

‘Why were you hidden?’ Beverly asked gently. ‘You didn’t think we’d hurt you, did you? We’re not like Bowers and his gang.’

I struggled to breathe. Stan and Mike both put a hand on my shoulder and it felt kind of nice. Almost as if I had friends to look out for me.

‘I’ve seen you around s-school.’ Bill mused. ‘B-B-Bowers hates you too. I don’t know wh-why.’

I dipped my head in recognition, still shivering.

‘Are you alright?’

I tried to open my mouth, but I felt like I was watching the whole scene through tunnelled vision. The torchlight Eddie was shining into my face was too bright.

‘Hey, cut that out.’ Beverly said to him. Then to me, ‘Bowers isn’t here. Neither is that clown, if you’re wondering.’

I looked up at her with wide eyes. ‘You’re not going mad, we’ve all seen It.’

Richie opened his mouth to protest, but I saw the look Bill exchanged with him, and the comment slipped unsaid into the night.

I caught Ben’s eye. I couldn’t say anything, but I hoped he knew somewhat what I was thinking.

It was in my house. In my house.

Ben slung an arm around my shoulder. ‘There’s safety in numbers.’ He looked up at the others expectantly. Richie rolled his eyes. Mike smiled. Eddie simply threw up his hands, saying, ‘it’s not up to me, it’s never up to me, so just do what you want, alright.’

‘We’ve kinda got a c-c-club going.’ Bill said. ‘It’s like a g-g-group of l-losers. Do you w-w-want in?’

Yes. More than anything, yes.

My mouth refused to work, turning over every possible outcome of the situation. None of them were good. Despite my intentions to avoid it, my eyes filled with tears. I tried to shake the coat off, only to find yet more hands pressing it back into its place. Stan looked worried about me. It was a nice kind of feeling, to have people worried about me.

‘Can you say something? Please? Just so we know you’re alright? Whatever’s in your head, just say it.’

I drew in a lungful of sharp, cold air.

‘He thrusts his fists against the posts.’

Bill smiled at me, and Richie let out a mock cry of ‘it speaks!’

‘And still insists he sees the ghosts.’

Richie knelt before me and brandished his torch as if it was a knight’s sword instead of about to run out of battery. With a flourish he tapped each shoulder twice and pulled me to my feet amongst cheers and sleepy yawns. Ben flashed me a timid smile.

‘Welcome to the Losers Club, Y/N.’

#It #It 2017 #the losers club #stan uris #bill denbrough #mike hanlon #richie tozier #beverly marsh #ben hanscom #eddie kaspbrak #imagine #pennywise #henry bowers

[its-a-side-blog]

Meeting the Mayor

Summary: Hancock meets a scrawny young scavver boy and unknowingly takes on the role of father figure, despite his denial that he’s going to look after the kid. No romance, just Hancock setting himself up to be an unofficial Dad for a lost boy. 

Boston was a cutthroat city. Raiders looted anything useful and took great pleasure in making their victims’ deaths as brutal as possible. Gunners scoured the most in-tact buildings and preferred to shoot first and ask questions later, if at all. Then there were the mutants, the ferals, the mongrels…who’d tear anything apart with no thought save blood lust. Entire areas of the city were considered deathtraps, like the Common, which was most assuredly a place only the ignorant, foolish, or suicidal went. Needless to say, it required someone with a lot of knowledge (or a lot of firepower) to survive out here alone. Or, perhaps, someone with a lot of luck.

A lone boy, face covered in a mixture of freckles, grime, and fear, picked through a pile of rubbish. He did this all day, every day, except for days when the sky turned green and the air crackled with malicious energy. But most days he scoured Boston for anything that would help him survive. He’d gotten used to the scavenging life- it was a new adventure every day! But it wasn’t like how he’d imagined a great adventure. Most days he managed to find something edible, though it was rarely healthy. On the whole, he was surviving because of the immense amount of pre-war “stuff”: food, water, clothing. If he was lucky, he found a gun with ammo still in it. On extremely lucky days, he managed to find caps and food AND ammo on the body of some unlucky person, and it would tide him over for the next few days. It was a day-to-day endeavor, and the boy constantly found himself saying “I just need to survive today”, with no thought given to the future. He’d survived “today” long enough for him to forget what his face looked like, and he had nearly forgotten his own name.

It started out as a normal day. Sneaking around, taking back alleys, hiding whenever he heard a noise. The usual routine that had worked for forever. The boy had moved on to a trash bin and was reaching in, half of his body inside the bin in order to reach the stuff at the bottom. Score! A discarded canteen of water! He wriggled out of the bin and opened the lid, letting it fall to the ground as he drank the contents. Sure, it wasn’t pure, but water was water. And water wasn’t easy to get when you couldn’t walk freely through the city. He almost didn’t hear the strangers talking nearby. “Hey… is that a kid?” The boy’s head snapped up, and he looked around, seeing nobody but remaining positive that he had heard a voice. “Yeah… think he’s alone?” “I dunno. Go see.” The boy finally saw two people clad in mismatched armor approach him. They were armed, but they weren’t caravan hands. Dropping the canteen, he dashed in the opposite direction. “Hey! Kid! Get back here!” One of the raiders shouted, giving chase. The kid didn’t listen, not even daring to look back as he ran, terrified of the consequences of slowing down. Not knowing where exactly he was going, he ran right past a small Gunner hideout. A few guards saw him, and didn’t take any chances, firing at him immediately. It was a miracle he didn’t get hit by any of the bullets, but the Gunners had lost interest by the time the boy was out of their line of sight. To the boy, he still thought he could hear the sound of gunfire and feel the bullets whizzing past his face so he kept running until he could no longer stand.

He didn’t remember where he collapsed, but he remembered where he woke up- in a pile of rubble, within arms reach of still-warm corpses, carelessly piled up in a heap just underneath a neon sign pointing to a small metal door. If only the boy could read; he’d know exactly where he was.

The door opened and two men in patched suits carried out yet another body, tossing it just to the left of the boy. He yelped and squirmed a little, forgetting to be still. He’d seen countless dead bodies before, but never so many at once… and never had they been… warm. “Hey, whaddya doin’ in there? Get outta there, kid.” One of the men said, watching the boy with a disgusted look on his face. “Sor- sorry…” The boy’s voice was a barely a squeak- never being near people meant never having to talk. The most interaction he’d had since he was left alone was with the caravans, and all he really had to say was “food?” or “my parents are over there”. He hadn’t had a proper conversation in… how long was he alone? He didn’t know.

“Where are your parents, kid?” The man asked. “O-over there…” The boy pointed in a random direction. “That’s the way ya take to see the muties. You sure they’re over there?” “Over there…” The boy repeated. “C’mon,” The other man spoke up, “The kid’s alone. Parents probably bit the dust and he hid out here.” “No… my parents are over… over there…” “C’mon kid. We aren’t raiders. We ain’t gonna hurt ya.” “...ok…” The boy looked down, trying to hide even though he was standing right in front of the men. “You think we should just let him go?” “He’s a kid for Christ’s sakes. His parents probably just died. He’ll be dead in a few hours if we let ‘em go.” “I ain’t no caretaker. Tough life’s what I say.” “How ‘bout we let the mayor decide? He’d probably have somethin’ to say about this.” “Fine, but keep that kid away from me. He smells like a wet shambler.”  

The kid was ushered through the metal door, and he expected it to be a horrible place, filled with cruel raiders, or monsters, or… But he didn’t see that at all. He saw a couple of people hanging around, and they all looked fairly normal. Some were wearing armor, but the boy had learned to tell the difference between the fairly nice caravan hand or mercenary armor, and the makeshift raider armor. Most of the people looked armed, and he felt a little on edge because of it, but as he walked by, no one pulled their gun on him. They did, however, stare at him with confused or disgusted faces. He wasn’t aware of how weird it was to see a kid all by himself in this town. The two men led him into a run down old building and up some winding steps.

“Mayor Hancock,” one of the men said. The boy saw a man in a red coat and tricorn hat turn around. He looked at the man with wide eyes. Curly, blond hair tied into a low ponytail, dark eyes, and a certain knowing smile. The mayor, however, looked at the kid in confusion. The boy was covered in dirt and dust- was his hair brown, or was it just so full of muck that it was impossible to tell what the actual color was? What color were his eyes? The mayor didn’t want to get too close- the kid looked like a biter. “We found this boy right outside the city, by the body pile.” “He’s not one of mine,” Hancock pointed to himself, “At least, I don’t think so…” “I think his parents were killed, and he hid out where we found him.” Hancock looked at the kid, putting on a small smile, “Hey there. Where are your folks, kid?” “Over there…” The kid pointed in the opposite direction, which was just at the other side of the house. “He says that every time you ask about his parents. I’m pretty sure they’re dead.” “Huh…” Hancock looked the boy over again, feeling a little bit of pity. “What should we do?” Hancock squatted down so he was eye level with the boy, “What’s your name, kid?” The kid had to think for a while, before he stuttered out, “R-Russell…” “Well, Russell, don’t you worry. You can stay in Goodneighbor. If anyone messes with ya, tell ‘em you’re with me- Hancock.” He held out a hand. Russell didn’t understand what he was doing, and he shied away. Hancock decided not to press it, and stood back up, “Everyone’s welcome here in Goodneighbor- just don’t go ‘round causing trouble and you’ll fit right in, ok?” “Ok.” Russell ducked his head. “Now, first things first… I think you need a bath. Or three.” ---

“You’re not really thinking about taking care of the kid, are ya?” One of the watchmen asked after Russell had left to wait for Hancock. “I’m not gonna play babysitter, if that’s what you’re askin’. But just because I’m a ruthless bastard doesn’t mean I gotta kick a kid out to his certain death.” “Yeah, but... a kid? In Goodneighbor? He’s gonna be killed or kidnapped within the week.” “Hey-” Hancock’s eyes grew darker, “This town may be filled with outcasts, but ain’t nobody here a murderer, or a slave driver. I don’t tolerate anyone who takes away other people’s freedom.” His voice was low, almost threatening, as if daring the watchman to disagree. “It sounds like you’re gonna be keepin’ an eye out for the kid.” “What’s so bad about that? I keep an eye on a lotta people. Besides, the kid don’t really seem like the type to cause trouble. He’ll probably just keep to himself.”  “Alright, Hancock. You’re the boss. So long as you don’t drag me into Kid Care, I don’t really care what you do.” The watchman turned and headed down the steps, and Hancock went off to figure out how to get that much dirt out of a kid’s hair. ---

It took at least a full day of scrubbing, brushing, and trimming to clean Russell up to standard (which wasn’t incredibly high), but by the time he was clean, he looked almost like an entirely different person. His hair had to be trimmed because of how much muck there was in it, but he turned out to look like a fairly respectable boy. “You clean up pretty nice,” Hancock said, his hands on his hips as he looked down at Russell, “Feel any better?” Russell nodded, running his hands through his clean hair. “Now we just gotta find you somewhere to stay. Do you mind sleeping up in the attic?” Russell shook his head. He was used to sleeping in attics. “Good. We’ll find a way to give you some privacy. Don’t want any drifters lookin’ at ya while you sleep, right?” Hancock smiled down at the kid. Russell smiled a little. He looked at Hancock with newly found admiration. Maybe this place wouldn’t be so bad after all. The mayor ruffled the kid’s hair, “Come on. Let’s get you situated in your new home. Welcome to Goodneighbor, by the way.”

#Ayye first actual personal writing #please cry about the Scrawny Boy with me #This is more or less a prologue for the Actual Story but #Dad Hancock gives me life #FO4 #Fallout #Fallout 4 #fallout 4 oc #Hancock #fo4 hancock #john hancock #fallout hancock #ghouls #Goodneighbor #Hancock for best Dad #Russell Passerini #My boy don't say much in his youth #We'll see if Hancock helps him out or nah

[gladysnmccary]

[INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games

Jack Black and Kyle Gass of Tenacious D are ready to blow the roof off The Bomb Factory in Deep Ellum.

Tenacious D released their last album Tenacious D in Post-Apocalypto last year and will be bringing it live to DFW. The duo is scheduled to perform on October 19th. Doors will open at 7PM and the music will be unleashed an hour later. Cinema fans may recognize the band from the cult movie classic Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny, which followed their legendary journey to rock and roll immortality. Click here to get tickets or find out more information about the concert and venue.

Of course, Jack Black is no stranger to the big screen or music. He headed up the award-winning movie School of Rock and has starred in numerous other blockbuster hits such as Shallow Hal, King Kong, Nacho Libre, and the Jumanji reboots. Since he is heading to Dallas next month, we thought it might be a good idea to catch up and see what we can expect from his debut at The Bomb Factory. Jack was kind enough to agree and what followed was one of our funniest and most open interviews to date. Take a look at what he had to say and also be sure to hear Tenacious D bring the “spicy mustard” to Deep Ellum later next month!

You've received numerous awards for acting in blockbuster movies and you have a successful music career. What would you consider your highest achievement thus far?

Probably School of Rock. That was like my tombstone. That's my biggest gig and my big breakthrough. I've gotten a lot of satisfaction from Tenacious D. Every album is like a baby because that one's all mine. You know? The writing, directing, and starring in each one of those projects.

Are there any projects you've done that you regret?

No. [laughs] No, none that I would ever admit to.

You’ve actually got a new movie, Jumanji: The Next Level, coming out later this year.

That one I definitely don’t regret; that’s for sure.

You’re known for being a gamer. What games are you currently into?

I’ve been playing this golf game on my phone. My phone has ruined my gaming career because I was all about the Xbox until my iPhone took over my life. Now there's a game called W… Is it called WTF? It can’t be called WTF. Hold on let me look… It’s called WGT Golf.

Close enough.

Yeah, it's a great golf game for your phone. It's a great app, but they found a way to suck all the money out of my wallet and it's a pet peeve of mine, all these f*cking phone games. They can be fun, but I'm from a generation where you bought a game and you were done buying sh*t. Do you know what I mean? You could play the whole game for your 50 bucks or whatever it is. Fifty bucks seemed like a lot of money for a game back in the day.

Now, with these little crappy phone apps with the in-app purchases, you can spend hundreds of dollars on stupid ass games. The graphics are not better than my rad Xbox games. They figured out a way to rig the system and I hate them for it. But, in the meantime, I continued to just give them my money because I'm a sucker.

You are spot on with that. I can't think of a truer statement I've heard today.

I keep on meaning to play Red Dead Redemption. I’ve started playing it but I’ve just scratched the surface. I just can't carve out the time in my life, you know. I’ve got kids and I’ve got jobs. I am looking forward to retirement when I'm in the old folk’s home and really catch up on all those video games that I've let fall by the wayside. I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Let’s just hope the arthritis holds off so you can do that.

I guess that would f*ck with my gaming. But you know, those Rockstar Games like Red Dead and the Grand Theft Auto don’t require all that much finger strength or speed. It's more like watching a movie. It’s like Bandersnatch where it's a hybrid between a movie and a video game. Did you check out Bandersnatch?

I heard it was awesome. So yeah, I had to check it out.

Hell yeah! That's the future. It's half game and half movie. It won an Emmy for Best TV Movie and I thought that they deserved it, just for the innovation of the choosing your own adventure style. It’s so rad and exciting. Those Black Mirror folks know what they're doing. They’ve got some good episodes too.

Speaking of Hollywood, you apparently made some comments a few years back that offended some folks involved in making superhero movies. Let's go ahead and bridge that void. You were considered for playing Green Lantern before that movie came out. What superhero could you see yourself playing?

Yep. Then they gave it to the pretty boy and you see how that turned out. Great job Hollywood. You sure f*cked that one up. Mine was going to make a billion dollars but, you know, hindsight is 20/20. And I don't begrudge him; I like that guy's new superhero movie as long as he keeps the mask on. Just don't take that mask off because that's when everything gets f*cked. What's his name again? I can't remember his name.

Ryan Reynolds?

Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Ryan Reynolds. I do enjoy the twists and turns that his career has taken because it took him a while to get it going, but now he's on fuego. More power to him. What was the question again? What would I want to do?

What superhero movie would you do or what superhero would you be?

You know, I'd have to be some fat pain in the @ss. Maybe Penguin would be a good role for me or maybe Thing. If you put me in the right muscle suit made of rocks I could be the Thing from Fantastic Four.

I don’t know, man. I’ve seen you do Chris Hemsworth’s workout and you nailed it. Don’t sell yourself short.

Oh yeah! No, I I've got some upper body strength. It's just covered in fat. I'm trying to think if there's any other good fat superheroes, but nothing's coming to mind. Maybe I could be, like, Buddha. That’s not a superhero, he's a religious figure. He's the king of the of the Buddhists. His power could be that he can float around and talk to animals. He's pretty rad. He's real mellow and super Zen.

You may have to work that into your next album.

I'd like to play Buddha. You think they could work him into the MCU?

I don't see why not. It seems, at this point, that they let anybody in.

But I definitely would get in trouble for taking an Asian-American role; that could actually be the end of my career. So, there's that… Do you remember how much trouble Tilda Swinton got in? She got into big trouble for playing that role in Dr. Strange. So, you don't really want to f*ck with that. In fact, next question please.

Fair enough. So, Tenacious D used to be a popular basketball term. Why did you think it was a good idea to apply it as your band’s name?

Well at the time we thought it was hilarious, but in retrospect it was pretty dumb. It's not a very good name for a band, and it's not even really funny anymore. I don't know. Tenacious D. We thought it was just pure gold. It's funny how things somethings age well like a fine wine, but that name for a band is kind of like aged mayonnaise. You don't want to be called Tenacious D. But you know what? It served us well.

It's just among a list of lots of great bands with crappy names. The Beatles? That's a dumb name. I guess because it's a bug and also the word “beat” is in there. So, it's like they keep the beat. Just another dumb name for a band. Another dumb name? U2. It’s just the letter U and the number two. That's some high school sh*t. My point is that it doesn't really matter. The only thing that matters is the content. Do you bring the spicy mustard sauce? If you do you'll be all right.

I read that years ago you would trade Kyle Gass food from Jack In The Box for music lessons. Who got the better end of that deal?

Oh man, that's a tough one. Those music lessons were crucial, but have you ever had Jack In The Box’s seasoned curly fries? Those are some of the best french fried potatoes in the world. I started leaking in my mouth just now. I'm going to call it a tie.

Will we ever actually get to hear the greatest song in the world?

There is a school of thought that it is the song in the Pick of Destiny, Beelzebub. But, you know, it's always a matter of opinion. That's the joke of the greatest song in the world. It's not really a definable thing. It's not really a measurable quantity. Scientifically, it doesn't make any sense to say something is the best song in the world. That’s the joke. It's in the ear of the beholder. One man’s eargasm is another man’s sh*tty music.

For those who've never been to a Tenacious D concert (or even those that have been), what can they expect from your upcoming concert in Dallas?

Well, for those audience members that are old enough to have seen Pink Floyd’s The Wall, that's what it's being compared to. It's a rock opera. It's epic. It's powerful. It's hilarious. It's rated R. Some say it’s rated X but I'm just going to say it’s a really hard R.

Are you keeping your clothes on?

I keep my pants on, but it's all animated. There's, like, a lot of drawings that will be projected on the screens around us. There’s full penetration, but it's like a really bad cartoon drawing trying to do it. It doesn't seem like it should get the same rating as a pornographic film. You get away with a lot more. Have you ever see the movie Sausage Party? You know you never would have been able to do any of that sh*t if it wasn’t a cartoon.

I was thinking that you were going to say Team America.

Aw, the best! You know, there's an unrated version that has an even funnier though sex montage. They went with, like, a full Cleveland Steamer, but only in the not rated version. You won’t get that on TV. You're not going to get that on iTunes or iMovie, but I highly recommend it. That is one of the greats.

I wouldn't call a rock opera, but man can they write some funny songs. Ah, Team America World Police… It all came down to that one weird homeless person, sort of, moral of the story. Know what I mean?

Yes, I do.

Genius and true. You can't really argue with it. They also did it with Book of Mormon. Did you see that show?

That is one that I have not seen.

They crack the code on Broadway, dude. It is the spiciest mustard, every bit as spicy as Team America. Somehow, they made it so we're laughing our @ss off, but then you look over there and there's an 80-year-old grandma laughing her balls off. How do they do it? It's like some kind of magic trick. It's wizardry.

They definitely have found a way to make some hits. Are you ready for few rapid-fire questions?

Yeah.

Favorite singer?

I'm going to go with that Aerosmith guy.

Favorite song?

I'm going to go with that AC/DC song, Shake A Leg.

Instrument you wish that you could play?

Accordion.

Song you hate to admit that you like?

What’s that song again by Chicago? I’m going to have to look it up. F*cking Chicago, dude. They are my guilty pleasure. I want to nail it. [He proceeds to cuss out his iTunes for not allowing him to log in so he could search] If You Leave Me Now, that’s it.

What would a song title be for the story of your life?

Wow… Sh*t, it would be really embarrassing to say because I've had a very charmed life, so it’d be something like Juke Box Hero.

Now I’m going to give you a subject and I want you to tell me the first word that comes to mind.

Okay.

Kyle Gass

Brother.

Nickelback.

What's that one jam? It’s their biggest hit. [Proceeds to belt out a few lines from the chorus of How You Remind Me] Only one word?

I’ll let you slide and use a couple if needed.

This is unfair, but I'm going to go with cheesy. If I only get one word it’s cheesy.

Fair enough. Next topic, pirate metal.

What's that? Pirate metal? One word? Um, arrrggghhh!

I didn't know what that was until about a year and a half ago. Apparently, it's heavy metal music with pirate lyrics. That may be right up your alley.

That's a new genre to me.

Taylor Swift

Trouble.

Do I want to know why?

You be careful if you date Taylor Swift. She's going to write it song about it. She will cause you a whole world of hurt.

The next and last topic, Texas.

I'm going with barbecue.

Good answer.

I want you to spell out barbecue, not just BBQ.

Are you sure you don’t want me to put the word “Bar” and the letters BQ?

No. Come on...

Alright, I'll have to edit it. No acronym. That's all the questions I had for you. I appreciate it.

Absolutely man. Thank you. I’ll see you at the show.

The post [INTERVIEW] Jack Black Gets Candid About Music, Movies, and Games appeared first on I Live In Dallas.

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