#existensial-dread-crisis

[magicalgirlpropaganda]

Considering I spent most of my life tht i remember (i dont remember much) wanting to kill myself, i never thought id dread the day i die. I always viewed death in a sort of peaceful way. Even after i stopped being suicidal, i still wasnt afraid of my eventual demise because it would be an eternal peace. An eternal nothingness..it wouldn't hurt to be dead because there would be nothing. Simply just nothing forever. But now i realize that i cannot comprehend nothingness and i especially cant comprehend eternity. In my mind i know that i cannot suffer if i cannot feel. But its like i have some sort of instinct that makes me fear death just because i cannot comprehend eternity. I cannot comprehend eternal nonexistence. An afterlife would not make me feel better because it would still be, in most cases, an eternal state. I'd either exist or not exist for eternity. My existence doesnt matter so much as the fact that it is eternal. Nothingness is a bit scary, but i am far more afraid of eternity. Living forever wouldn't save me because it'd be eternal. I know logically that there would be no suffering, but i am afraid because i cannot comprehend infinity. Even after i die, I will not be able to comprehend it. Mostly because because i will be dead. Existence or nonexistence, there is no escape from eternity- at least not one that is within my comprehension.

#tw existential dread #existensialism #existential crisis

[ea-paperbits]

does existence count if I'm not perceived by anyone?

#riddle me this #do i exist #existential dread #existential questions #existence #existensialism #existential crisis #existential horror #fuckk

[ichika27]

OnS Chapter 130

Aaaaaaaah!!!! The lore thickens!

I am just dreading to make this since tumblr's post editor updated to being a pain the ass to use lol. I can't just not blog about reading OnS chapters cause it's the only way I can "re-read" them when they become unavailable. Why have the scanlators stopped working on this, I'd never know but I'm sad they don't seem to be around anymore for this manga (I mean I'd still read stuff on mangaplus but if I want to backread at least I'd have a way...).

While Yuu-chan and Mika are having a chat and probably some potential existensial crisis, Rigr seem to be checking out the 1st Progenitor's memories.

Would you look at that? He got there at the exact point in the memory world that Yuu-chan and Mika last watched! How convenient lol.

Rigr now knows about Shika Madu's past.

The reincarnated angels don't remember their past lives but it seems Shika Madu is okay with them living unaware of it. After all, tragic backstories and all.

Rigr now knowing the truth, it seems he now cares about the 1st Progenitor. Shika Madu might be an asshole but he still cares about his angel subjects even after all this time. He knows it would be difficult and he might not be able to succeed but he's not going to give up hope.

It makes me wonder more what his plan is in the present since he seems to be fucking over those he says he cares about.

Anyways, Rigr ends up crying even if he doesn't have his past life memories which made him wonder if those memories still lie within him somewhere.

I'm not gonna lie, I have no idea what to call him now that it's revealed he's the real Mika. Anyways, he was finally noticed by Shika Madu which is bad cause he has a plan.

Angel Mika is alive now and he needs to make his father think he's still dead so he asks homonculus!Yuu to take his place. He'd even forget his real identity to make things more convincing.

"No matter how many eons it takes... no matter how many generations we go through... in the end, we'll save everybody!" declared human Yuu whose actually the real angel Mika (this is gonna be confusing lol. I'm calling him Past!Yuu). It didn't matter how long it took and what the circumstances have become, Yuu-chan has always wanted to save everyone no matter when and it's always been his goal.

(I wish I could take the screenshot of when he said this but it's hard to crop with the length)

Homonculus!Yuu seems hesitant at first but he happily agreed with Past!Yuu's plan and he's now the new Mika.

New!Mika (yes, I'm not calling him that) is given his first task for his newest role. I'm guessing the "seven lights" are the black keys? Maybe? Anyways, he basically made it so that his father would do a bunch of detours before getting to his goal lol.

Past!Yuu erased (although more like locked away) his memories of being Angel Mika. He promises New!Mika that no matter what, he'd come back and collect him and New!Mika happily promises back.

Beams of light shoot out from New!Mika and Shika Madu catches one of them. On his hand he finds one of the black keys (I was right earlier! lol). He thinks homonculus!Yuu might've done something but basically thinks "Nah, I made him and he can't think for himself." so he turns his attention to Past!Yuu.

Past!Yuu acts like he knows nothing (either he's acting or the memory lock worked too well) and Shika Madu doesn't buy it and checks his memories which kills Past!Yuu in the process. Shika Madu confirms that Past!Yuu totally knows noting (lol if only you knew).

Shika Madu laments the fragility of the humans he created as he estimated that they might not even live to be a hundred.

Shika Madu doesn't realize that close by, Past!Yuu aka the real Angel Mika had been reborn again.

Aww!! A proper reunion between Mika and Yuu! Yuu-chan had fullfilled his promise! They still don't actually have their past life memories but they're okay with it as they think it'd have been bad if they actually did all this time. After all, it took this long to get this far in their plans and they went through so much that if they remembered everything, it'd have made them suffer more and give up.

They're reminded of the vampires who hated being immortal cause it caused them suffering.

These two are now having a discussion on the meaning of (their) life. They wonder why they should keep going and why Yuu-chan should make Mika human again. Mika answers that he wants to live and die with Yuu-chan (aww... that's so sweet!). Yuu-chan asks if that'd really make Mika happy and Mika says he thinks so.

Mika is slowly but surely turning into a full demon and Yuu-chan says he won't let it happen. Yuu-chan concludes that they don't clearly remember their past lives and they'd continue living this life and would try to reach their present lives goal: save everyone (especially the dead Hyakuya orphans and Guren and their friends) and turn Mika back to human.

Hope restored! Yuu-chan likens their current situation to a video game and thinks that they have a chance now that they know the lore. Mika agrees!

Their current goal? Get the seven keys!

Oh!! Flashback to eight years ago!

Ferid is wondering why the First Progenitor wants to make a "Mikaela" and what even is a "Mikaela" in the first place. He says he wasn't compatible to become this Mikaela and the First Progenitor himself cannot be whatever it was.

He also got his hands on little Yuu-chan and Mika (they were drugged and were sound asleep) to check their memories. Someone else is there with Ferid however...

Ferid asked Guren if Guren had checked the kids' memories and he hasn't yet.

Oh... what does this mean?!

--

That last panel though. Guren looked weird lol. Had their chins always been this round/big? I mean I knew the illustrator's artstyle had changed over the years as this manga had been running for a long time now but this is the first time I really notice. I don't like it lol. Makes them look weird and old. I might not like Guren that much but I have to admit he's handsome and this? Not at all lol.

Okay! We got the lore!! I'm happy and excited and this feels like the most hilarious development I've seen in this story in a while. Angel Mika is smart and immediately have some kind of starting plan for his goal. Sadly, it seems turning himself into Yuu-chan also lowered his braincells lol jk. It seems no one else in this metaphorical chess game realized that someone they wanted to take as pawn is also playing the game.

Guren and Shika Madu totally fucked up their plans all because they were targetting the wrong kid! Especially Guren who had been with Yuu-chan longer in this current life cause his actions in the last couple of chapters made Yuu-chan reject helping him. I think if Yuu-chan had gotten back his memories of being Angel Mika and if Guren knew about this fact, Guren probably would've had a better chance of convincing Yuu-chan to sacrifice himself since Yuu-chan's goal in life (both the past and present) was to save everyone including Mika.

Oh, ther irony! XD

This isn't a perfect story, I admit. I don't think this turn of events had been hinted before (if it had been, then it's my fault I missed all the clues) but I don't care. I'm still having a lot of fun reading.

Mika telling Yuu-chan once again that he'd just want them to live together until the end made me sooo happy! Ah, it's times like these I'm happy to be a MikaYuu fan haha. I remember that in the PSP game, they did mention this also with Mika and Yuu wanting to live and raise kids together. (>///<)

I'm curious now about what Shika Madu is actually feeling about all this in the present. He did care a lot about everyone back then but now it doesn't seem to be the case and he's willing to sacrifice the other vampires just to get his son back. But then again knowing that he could just have them reincarnated, maybe he's okay with sacrificing the current them cause he can just make new bodies for the vampires.

Also wondering why Shika Madu kept remaking the Yuu from Ancient Greece. Did he realize there's something special about this new human? Did he realize that in a way, this was the human form of the homonculus eyeball (actually Angel Mika)? Or did he just think of making a human version of homonculus Yuu cause it'd be easier to experiment on something like him which he could just remake? I wonder if it's the reason why Yuu from Ancient Greece didn't have emotions while the new humans created in the past had personalities or seemingly could have one even before getting possessed by angels?

Also, Shika Madu's tragic backstory is enough to make Rigr sympathize or at least care about him though. I wonder how this would affect things as Rigr hated the First Progenitor and was willing to oppose him. How about now?

That ending there though. What did Ferid mean by "Have you looked into their memories?" when talking to Guren? Vampires have now been revealed to be able to read memories - Rigr and Shika Madu did so earlier and Ferid says he would at the end although I think I should've seen this coming since vampires turn into demons and demons have that ability. Does the question mean Guren also have that power? How?? Or is it Mahiru-no-Yo's power their talking about since she's now Guren's demon? Hmmm..... but then again, didn't they mention a connection between the Ichinose clan and Rigr?

Oh my god, so many questions! XD

I'm so glad I didn't end up taking too many photos cause tumblr had a photo limit for posts and I didn't hit that. Excited for the next chapter! Hope it's as fun as this one.

If I don't get to post anything in the next few days, here's a Happy Holidays to you! I hope you have fun and thanks for reading. :)

#owari no seraph #seraph of the end #sana_post #mikayuu #ons manga

[froglovemushroom]

I never really payed attention whether I had cellulite or not.

Buy after watching the Barbie movie, I got curious, and so I checked my thighs.

And there it was. The squiggly white lines branching on the side of my upper thigh.

I was, surprisingly, not upset about it, and somehow I didn't hate it.

And tonight, I decided to become a kid again and used some colorful markers to draw on my skin, to draw on the cellulites and make them into fun little tattoos.

I drew a sakura tree and some long stemmed daisies, and I was smiling by the end of it.

This movie really shifted something in me.

Even though the dread and existensial crisis is still there, the self acceptance is slowly coming in, and because of that, I kinda feel like crying tears of joy, cause maybe someday soon, I'll be able to look in the mirror and say,

"Hey, that's actually a really beautiful girl in the reflection, and she's....Me"

#barbie movie #barbie 2023 #barbie the movie #barbie fever<3 #calli rants #this is a movie that i will hold close to my heart forever and ever

[randomwords247]

see the issue with having late night existensial crisis' is that going to sleep is probably the best way to fix it, but then that would involve facing the morning and the dread of the next day which is the last thing anyone wants.

#im just having one of those nights #ramble post #delete later

[theblackdahliaaa]

do y’all also have a an awkward existential crisis after a really dramatic breakdown?

#existential dread #existensial crisis #im having a breakdown

[gothicfury]

Annihalation of Joy Annihalation of Joy "At a prison for simulated beings suffering from existential dread, Clancy ponders reality as he watches an inmate die over and over again." It starts off with Clancy realizing that music can “soothe the savage beast,” through an ad, he decides to revive the rose that he puked on last ep with music. While he realizes this Clancy said, its so obvious, Music saves them. He goes on a trip to a bizarre planet called Moon R3t8, full with malfunctioning sims with existensial crisis. He meets a prisoner Bob whose mute coz he cut his tounge off, and bobs soul bird Jason. They lightly discuss Indras net which suggests that all souls, all life is connected, and also atman which suggests that one consciousness is God. They discussed Buddhist meditation. How the relinquishing of self is the ultimate orgasm. That in Buddhist meditation you arent trying to get anywhere, you're just yourself, you're sitting with the feeling that you've been trying to get away all day. Until you know the feeling is changing of its own accord until the fundamental nature of everything is changed and is impermanent and is emptiness and the whole dream of your life that you thought was real was just a dream and then you wake up and realize you're awake, thats the first turning of the dharma. They also discussed how were also infinitely pushing into matter in time to get away, because everything we do is an addiction to Maya, which is I am as I am; its not to feel your inherent suffering because it hurts to have a body. They also discussed that we live in a Universe where time exists, and everything disintegrates and the suffering of that is unbearable. I did not agree on all the ideas though such as where Jason said that, the moment you accept things as they are you dont have to hope, coz you realize where you are is kinda okay. That Hope tortures your ass. Although there is some semi truth to the idea in extent it just prolly means to be content and one should always be grateful or humble about his or her situation, I dont agree with the full idea, irregardless if we are in a state of dream or not, if we exist or not, if we are part of one consciousness or not, suffering, real suffering is distinguishable, and were allowed to remove ourself from such situations, but as for everything else, we should try to see the goodness of things and be humble and grateful for experiencing good things. They discussed all those things while Bob escaping prison which if you think about is a metaphor for life, in his escape he kept dying and going through a process of being reborn and his heart weighed through the scales, at first his heart was fucked, but as soon as he contemplated on things and accepted things as they are and kept moving forward his heart healed and he was given the gift of time by the Gods, or whoever it is that weighs us and he escaped through the help of Music. Which comes back to the idea at the beggining of the Ep when Clancy said Music heals everything. Bob is freed and grows backs his tounge which he sings with in his beautiful voice, "Freedom is what happens when you escape the prison you're designed in." Hope you like that recap. Love, Matty ❤🍓🙏🤘🧘‍♀️🧘‍♂️

#Midnight Gospel

[threepanelhorrorstories]

#three panel horror stories #inanimateobjects #waking nightmare #sleep paralysis #existential dread #existensial crisis #urban legend #petrified #campfire stories #monster #milk #milk carton