#fear ill be unattractive... its 1. not true and 2. delayed. not real

[emlos]

bro this eating disorder shit rly sucks

#screaming into the void here but #i WISH i wasnt so obsessed with my lack of self control and my resulting weight #but like. no joke #HOW o i stop myself from doing what i want #like.... i know what self control is #i know what mindfullness is #and i cry myself to sleep because im unable to NOT #anwyays i ate another 8000 calories today #i know whats healty or not and sicne i live a basically sedentary lifestyle... i couldve eaten something different #but nooo pizza and cheesesticks and keiserschmarrn it is!!! #i really wish i could kill myself #but im too scared of pain to do that #the only motivator for me is fear #fear ill fail feat itll hurt... but it has to be immediate #fear ill be unattractive... its 1. not true and 2. delayed. not real #i dont know what to do #vent #tw ed #tw eating disorder #dunno which one tbh #fucking ednos because i cant do anything typically #some days ill eat 400kcal #some days 10000 #i cant stop myself when i think of food it 'triggers' me and i cant stop thinking about until the dark cloud is so dark it rains #also alcoholism but thats like... coping. with reality even though i dont have it that bad #literally a waste of fucking space i genuinely should kill myself there are real problems out there and im what #fucking crying cause im chubby #fucking grow up #finger on the eject button etc etc etc