#fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day

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Summary:

Nothing had happened, is the point. Nothing had changed. Nothing that would explain why he’d had to choke down his dinner, had only managed part of it in the end, left the half-eaten remains to go bad in his kitchen sink.

Nothing had happened that would explain how when he’d gone to get undressed for bed that night he just… couldn’t. How the thought of taking off the heavy sweats he’d spent the evening in felt unnervingly like peeling off his own skin. How he’d crawled into bed still fully clothed, still cold, had curled into a ball, tucked deep under his duvet. How he’d just… gone.

Nothing had happened that would explain why he was still curled into that ball, still fully clothed in the dark all those hours later. Still awake, still gone.

He’s cold.

In which Jamie has a very-bad-brain-day and Roy tries to help.

AKA: ‘I feel like I’ve lost my wings Roy’: but make it much, much worse.

#guess who's got two thumbs a terrible sleep schedule and FINALLY GOT HER SHIT TOGETHER #it's not me #i did finally finish this though #i wrote a thing #(and EDITED the thing holy fucking hell) #fic: thought that i was young #formerly known as #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #ted lasso #ted lasso fanfic #roy kent #jamie tartt #ao3

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I don't think I’ve seen you post one of those rose for a snippet meme / request things, but just in case you do ever want to share something about any of the fics you’re working on — a snippet or a preview or if you’ve just got any ideas you wanna talk about — consider this an invitation:

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌷 <- bonus tulip

I said I was gonna get better about using my rose hoard and I WILL! (Also I feel like I owe you in particular for appearing like a common-sense-water-angel in my notes yesterday while my brain was trying to work out why orange was so crunchy 🫠)

From the titled-untitled-technically-redacted-title-jamie-blue-screen-day-fic which I will finish within the week if it KILLS ME.

“Jamie, what’s wrong?” He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t- He’s cold. He’s fractured. His face itches. “Can you hear me?” He can hear him. He can hear him. He can hear him. He can- “C’mon Jamie, you’re starting to scare me here.” He’s sorry. He’s trying. He wants to answer. Really, he does. He wants to speak. Wants to scream. “I need you to tell me you can hear me, lad.” He can hear him.   He can’t tell him.  He doesn’t know how to get his voice working, the distance between his thoughts and his throat is too great; a gaping, yawning chasm he can’t even look at let alone cross. But it’s Roy asking. It’s Roy Kent asking. He tries to speak to him, he really tries but he’s choking on the echoes of a voice that won’t work. That cold thing in his chest is rising up and crashing over his neck again, it won’t let him speak.  He can’t speak. He can’t speak. He can’t speak. He can’t-  He shakes his head. Slowly. Gingerly. He shakes his head. He's still looking up at Roy Kent. At Roy. Tries to tell him with his eyes. He can hear him. He’s sorry.

#thank you again my common-sense-water-angel! #AND THANK YOU FOR THE ROSES #AND THE BONUS TULIP #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #rose for a snippet #ask box is always open #i wrote a thing #ted lasso #jamie tartt #roy kent #ted lasso fanfic #readwing #jamiesfootball #real talk how does everyone write so fast #and so CONSISTENTLY #the writers on this website are TERRIFYING #(and i treasure them all)

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Sending some 🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹 for whenever you want to share of the other ideas you have going in that brain of yours!

Thank you for the roses my talented friend!

Let me preface this snippet by saying I love Jamie! I really love Jamie! So much! He’s my special boy! I want to give him hugs! And flowers! And chocolate! And a stuffed shark plushie!

I have given him depression.

Whoops.

Nothing had happened, is the point. Nothing had changed. Nothing that would explain why he’d had to choke down his dinner, had only managed part of it in the end, left the half-eaten remains to go bad in his kitchen sink. How he’d had to drag himself through his nightly routine, hadn’t showered, had barely managed to brush his teeth, feeling ancient and brittle as he’d braced himself on the counter afterward. How he’d had to skip his skincare, had only been able to splash cold water on his face, hoping it would wake him up. Hoping it would help. Hoping it would push back the thick shadows he could feel creeping up his neck. Nothing had happened that would explain how when he’d gone to get undressed for bed that night he just… couldn’t. How taking off the heavy sweats he’d spent the evening in felt unnervingly like peeling off his own skin. How he’d crawled into bed still fully clothed, still cold, had curled into a ball, tucked deep under his duvet. How he’d just… gone. Nothing had happened that would explain why he was still curled into that ball, still fully clothed in the dark all those hours later. Still awake, still gone. He’s cold. It’s coming from inside him, some solid, crushing icy thing.  He’s cold. He’s cold and that doesn’t make sense. Usually he couldn’t bear to have anything on his legs while he slept. It wasn’t just what he’d told Roy, that he got cold upstairs and hot downstairs, it was the seams. He could ignore them well enough in the daytime, could feel them, but could push the feeling down until it was only in the background. He could ignore them until the sun went down, until it was night. At night those same seams felt like wire brushing against his skin, felt sharp and biting enough to draw blood. The urge to get out, to get away was usually so overwhelming that he couldn’t hope to sleep. But now he’s cold. He’s cold and the seams don’t matter anyway, he can’t really feel his body enough to notice them.

#i haven't made progress on this in dayyyys but it's gone past the 7k mark so i'm tossing this snippet into the universe #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #rose for a snippet #ask box is always open #jamietarttsnorthernattitude #thank you again!! <3 <3 <3 #ted lasso #jamie tartt #i wrote a thing #ted lasso fanfic #i still have no idea how to tag writing stuff lol

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I would to know more about the untitled-Jamie-blue-screen fic, if you wanted to share anything about it : )

Hello terrifyingly talented friend! I am happy to share!!

So this fic started rolling while I was writing 'i learned to walk while he was away', - that story explores some of the 'unseen' effects of Jamie's experiences, specifically what his relationship to expressions of violence (even when positively channelled) might be after growing up with an angry man. The 'untitled-Jamie-blue-screen-day' fic (which is technically 'redacted-title-Jamie-blue-screen-day' fic, I'm a fairly changeable person and the title's redacted purely because it's still subject to possible [who knows, not me] change) is another exploration of some of the 'unseen' or more accurately 'undeveloped' parts of Jamie's psyche that canon skips over.

Specifically, the symptoms of depression he displays in 3x11 Mom City.

I'm a card carrying member of the 'Jamie has multiple missing diagnoses' bandwagon and know first hand what a horrifyingly tricky combo neurodivergence and clinical depression can be.

I use a lot of metaphors to describe/understand the complexities of mental health- when I was studying it, when I'm teaching it and yea when I'm thinking about my own brain :)

Most of the metaphors are computer based- product of the times I guess.

The untitled-title 'blue screen day' is how I unaffectionately refer to the days when that horrifyingly tricky combo decides to be extra horrifying and extra tricky and causes total system overload. The days when you forget how to be a person. That 'blue screen' blink feeling of not functioning, but then it's not momentary, it's not a blink, it doesn't go away. You're seeing with your eyes sure, but you're not really seeing and they don't really feel like your eyes. You exist in your body yes, but do you really exist? Is it actually your body?

(To use plain language; it's a brief and intense episode of severe burn-out, typically bought on by cognitive and/or sensory overload, but sometimes seemingly spontaneous [clinical!].)

So that's what I gave Jamie, a blue-screen-day (sorry buddy).

But I also gave him Roy! And a smoothie! He'll be okay.

(Essentially the story is the idea that sometimes things don't have solutions or answers or a quick and easy fix. Sometimes all you can do is be. Sometimes all you can do to help is be there.)

The fic really is gentle hours, I swear.

#THANK YOU FOR THE ASK!!! #jamie lives in my brain #i loved him for yonks but after the boot room scene in 3x11 the guy has lived in my head #he sits sideways in a chair and kicks footballs at my amygdala while scream singing 'the chain' #i don't know what to do about that #other than fic i guess? #anyway if he's gonna live in my head i'm gonna poke him with a stick (depression [??]) and see what happens #OH HEY ALSO- I absolutely take (and crave) roses #I am dragon hoarding them because they make me feel happy to look at :) I WILL GET BETTER ABOUT ACTUALLY USING THEM WHOOPS #THANK YOU AGAIN FRIEND! #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #ask box is always open #i still have no idea when this thing'll be done #it's nearly finished! #just needs a few more scenes then a couple edit swipes to make it more cohesive #readwing #jamiesfootball #ted lasso #jamie tartt #NEARLY FORGOT WARNINGS AGAIN YIKES #cw: depression #cw: mental health #writing tag

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Ye ole tag game!

Tagged by the incredibly talented (and all around incredible) @fanficfanattic to post the last sentence I wrote!

He’s still propped against Roy’s side; head still firmly planted into the solid place where Roy’s arm meets his chest. If he concentrates, if he squints his tired eyes and holds his gentle breath, he can hear the steady thump-thump of the older man’s heart. 

Posting two sentences because 🤷‍♀️

Tagging with no pressure @jamietarttsnorthernattitude @jamiesfootball @sighonaraa @kvetchinglyneurotic @abubblingcandle @nativestarwrites and literally anyone/everyone who wants to share!

#i am indeed cooking! #slow cooking rn #like slow slowww cooking #earth oven slow #but there's stuff on the stove (or in the ground to maintain the metaphor 🧐) #namely this thing! #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #THANK YOU FOR THE TAG!! #I ADDED ABOUT 200 WORDS AFTER NOT MAKING PROGRESS IN DAYS #i know i said this already and then DIDN'T but i will at LEAST get this thing to the edit stage within the week i SWEAR #tag game #i wrote a thing #G'NIGHT

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⚠️🖍️ and ❤️❤️❤️❤️

CAUTION! CRAYON! Somewhere in the world this exact phrase is currently flashing across the mind of a person responsible for tiny humans 👀

⚠️Which WIP are you most likely to finish or update next?

The untitled(not actually untitled any more)-Jamie-blue-screen-day fic will be finished first (probably??? I hope???) It's cracked 10k and still has a few scenes to go but unless a short-ish fic falls fully formed out of my brain in the next week and a half, that one will be the next to emerge from the quagmire that is the re-awakened creative corner of my mind!

🖍Post any sentence from your WIP.

From the (now titled) untitled-Jamie-blue-screen-day fic. (The toxic-sludge-man is barely in it but ahh, I feel like I need to exercise some of him away, so HERE [sorry, ACTUALLY sorry])

James had broken his promise to the boy, he’d walked away, hadn’t put in the time to raise him properly. Had left the task to a woman who knew nothing about being strong. No wonder the lad was like that.

AND A THOUSAND KUDOS TO YOU MY DELIGHTFUL AND TALENTED AND DELIGHTFULLY TALENTED FRIEND!!!

#THANK YOUUU!!! 💚💚💚 #omg I actually feel guilty about giving you a sentence(s) from HIS POV #i will make it up to you #somehow #jamietarttsnorthernattitude #ask game #ask box is always open #i wrote a thing #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #writing tag

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🌍 & 🖍 for the ask game owo!!

EARTH CRAYON! That feels so whimsical!!

🌍What tags or warnings will your/one of your wip(s) need if you intend to share it?

James Tartt Sr. (as both a warning and a character tag [help])

I DIDN'T MEAN TO. HE'S NOT EVEN THERE. Sort of. (He has a reflective POV section in the untitled-Jamie-blue-screen-day fic, and he is... himself ☹️)

Actually most of the tags on that one are gonna look brutal but it's GENTLE-HOURS I SWEAR!!

🖍Post any sentence from your wip

I tend to write staccato sentences so I'm tossing out a passage from the same WIP as above 😬

Roy’s in front of him now, standing tall above him in the low light. He drags his eyes up to take in the other man's face. His mouth is hanging loosely open, his eyes are wide under raised brows. Roy’s looking at him. Roy is seeing him and Jamie can’t put the pieces of his expression together. Is Roy disappointed? Disgusted? Is Roy mad at him? He hopes not.

#THANK YOU!!! 💚💚💚 #as you say- MWAH! #ask game #ask box is always open #sighonaraa #i wrote a thing #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day #writing tag

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RULES: Post the last sentence you wrote (fanfic / original / anything) and tag as many people as there are words in the sentence.

Tagged by the human sunshine that is the delightfully and devastatingly talented @jamietarttsnorthernattitude

By the time the screen dims and takes Phoebe's multicoloured face with it, Roy’s gone.

Okay, I was tagged a whole 24 hours ago (I missed you tumblr) so I think everyone I know has been tagged at least twice by now! BUT! consider this a free hit for anyone that wants to share!! I'm just gonna go drop some roses into any/every inbox I can think of 💚💚💚

#tag game #i wrote a thing #(still need to edit that tag whoops) #fic: untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day

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i don't know if you're still taking roses but 🌹🌹🌹🌹

So about two weeks ago I said I would finish the untitled-jamie-blue-screen-day fic within the week if it killed me. Well consider this me ghost-posting because it's STILL NOT DONE, and apparently I spent too long staring at it because my brain decided it had had enough angst and spat a non-angsty new-wip at me instead. Whoops.

“The fuck are you apologising for?” “I dunno.” Jamie does the stupid head tilt thing that makes him look like a walnut-mist coloured fucking Labrador. "I’m just sorry, I guess.” Roy watches as Jamie straightens his head back up; his brows crunch together, his eyes slide away and his mouth drops lax. All sure signs that he’s trying to string more than two consecutive thoughts together. “I grew up in a council estate.” God help them both if that’s all the little idiot’s come up with. 

#bought to you by the fact that people keep posting about/talking to me about birthdays #...that will make more sense in context #fic: because he had no say in it (no say in it at all) #...that title will also make more sense in context #...possibly #THANK YOU FOR THE ROSES!!!! #ask box is always open #rose for a snippet #i wrote a thing #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso #the-sea-anemone #kvetchinglyneurotic #writing tag