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farfromstrange · 5 months

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Chaos Theory | Michael Kinsella x Reader

Chapter 24: Bandaids Don’t Fix Bullet Holes

Masterlist ° Chapter List

Pairing: Michael Kinsella x Reader (she/her)

Summary: While Michael meets with his solicitor, you're stuck at his house, and you slowly start going crazy. A visit from a particular someone drives you even crazier.

Warnings: Angst, Frank (yes, that's a warning)

Word Count: 3.2k

A/n: I've finally gotten around to finishing this chapter. It might not be as exciting as you guys hoped it would be, but I have a plan for the next following chapters and I had to leave space for that, which is why this isn't as plot heavy as I intended it. (Also, I’m not sure about the title, but I’ve run out of songs to use)

You’re still tired when you wake up the next morning, but the sadness that overcame you the day before has been replaced by emptiness. You just feel numb now, but it’s better than being in pain.

Michael has an appointment with his solicitor this morning. Your blood burns your insides when you think about being left alone for the day. His family surrounds you. Not literally, thank God, but with them living on the very street Michael does, it feels as if they’re caging you in like a zoo animal.

You tried to convince him to let you go home, but he insisted that you stay in his house until he’s back so he can make sure that you’re safe. His house has a better security system in place than your own home, and after everything that was unraveled the other day, he would rather not take any chances until he has figured out how serious the repercussions of Frank’s actions will be.

They blew up Michael’s phone all day yesterday, but ever since he blew them off, no one has been brave enough to his house in person. It has been otherwise quiet, too. Thankfully. Still, you can’t help but be wary.

You’re sitting in bed with your legs pulled up to your chest, resting your cheek on your knees as you watch him rummage through his wardrobe to get ready. Today is an important day to him and he doesn’t want to risk making a bad impression, no matter how big the chaos around him is.

You called in sick from work. You can’t stand being around people, let alone put on a fake smile. The scent of coffee makes you nauseous. To top that off, your hand is still swollen, bandaged, and your knuckles have started getting irritated. Any doctor would have told you the same thing Michael did; your wrist is sprained and you need to rest your hand, which means that work is off the table.

You know you’re going to use up all of your sick days if you keep going like this, but at this point, there are no worries on your mind. None but one, and that is your sister. Okay, maybe you’re overthinking about a little more than that, but you refuse to acknowledge that or you will drive yourself crazy.

At least Michael’s house smells like safety. You can’t describe it, but the comfort his scent engulfs you in makes this a little easier, even with the separation anxiety eating you alive like a flesh-eating amoeba.

“Hey,” his soft voice brings you back to reality. It has a bit of a scruff to it, but that’s what makes him so attractive.

The bed dips before you, and you look at him with red eyes. “Are you gonna be alright?” Michael asks, his hand reaching out to cup your cheek. “I could call the solicitor and tell her I’ve changed my mind, that I can’t do it today, I…”

You shake your head. The last thing you want is for him to put you over getting his daughter back. The truth about your past, then Jamie’s death, and now the revelation with Frank and Amanda messed with both of your lives, and God knows what else happened in the time you were at work.

The things Michael threw in Frank’s sounded so serious, you can’t imagine that he has fully forgotten them just because of this one appointment. There seems to be more to it, even, and that scares you. It scares you that he’s going through hell and now he’s going through yours too. And you’re forced to go through his, thanks to his family and your inability to stay away.

You have an inkling, but you don’t like what it is telling you, not one bit. You know Michael, and you know how easily he could be pushed to a point where he would do just about anything for the people he cares about. It’s a terrifying prospect that you could lose him.

You shake it off. You’ve already done enough stupid things for the time being. You can’t do this alone anymore, and you don’t have to.

“Go,” you say, your voice barely above a whisper. “I’ll manage. Don’t put your future with Anna at risk just because of me. It’s not worth it.”

Michael’s eyes soften. “Yer always worth it, that’s not–”

“No. Not this time.”

He sighs. “We’ll talk about how to keep your sister safe once I’m back, alright?” It sounds like a compromise. “Just don’t do anythin’ rash ‘til I’m back,” he says.

“I know,” you answer.

“Promise me.”

You open your mouth. An exasperated sigh slips your lips, and he gives you an incredulous look. “Okay, fine,” you cave. “I promise. I won’t do anything rash until you’re back.”

You’re not sure how you’re going to keep it, but he’s right. You can’t do anything rash or you will risk a lot more than your sister’s safety. She’s the most important thing in your life, above all else, and if you put her at risk just because you’re impatient and drowning in your concern… You wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself.

“I’ll be back in a few hours.” Michael leans forward and presses a kiss on your forehead.

You close your eyes and lean into his touch. “I love you,” you whisper.

He smiles right back at you. “You too.”

Michael checks his appearance a few more times in the mirror, and you can tell he’s nervous. He rechecks every document twice, and he repeats every question he prepared himself for in his head.

You want to lift him up, but you’re too low to say anything supportive other than what you feel for him. You hope it’s enough, but you feel useless and numb, and the state you’re in is a horrible middle space between being an exhausted mess and being on high alert. But most of all, the fear never leaves your bones. It has manifested and it’s eating away at your soul.

“After our fight,” you speak up, “I, uh, called the inspector on the case of my sister’s death six years ago.”

He deserves to know.

Michael stops in his tracks and turns to you. “And?” he asks.

You shrug. “I was redirected to Scotland Yard’s official hotline, and the front desk lady told me she would pass my message along, but…” With a defeated sigh, you lower your head and shake it. “He didn’t call me back.”

Michael purses his lips. He’s not mad, you can tell. He probably would have done the same in your position. You took the only road you thought could help you, but it ended up being a dead end, after all. Or maybe you missed something crucial.

“Maybe he’ll call today,” he says almost hopefully. “If he’s anythin’ like ya said, he’ll call eventually. Maybe he’s just… swamped.”

“Or maybe he can’t help me.”

“I’m not going to lie to you.”

You want to kiss him just for that.

“So,” he says, “him not wanting to help or be associated with this case again is somethin’ we need to consider.”

You nod along. He’s right. It’s possible. The truth hurts, but at least it’s true.

Wiping your dry cheeks to prevent yourself from actually crying, you clear the lump in your throat. “Well, regardless, I need to pick up the file,” you add, your voice stronger this time.

He shakes his head. “We can do that once I’m back, alright? Yer not goin’ anywhere without me.”

You don’t have the strength to protest. Michael kisses you again. “Good girl,” he says.

When he turns to leave, you hug him for a little longer than necessary. He rubs your back, knowing it’s hard for you to let him go, but he has to leave. You understand now why he was so clingy the other day, and it hurts to watch him walk out the door and down the street, disappearing out of your sight, and you lock the door the way he told you to.

Against what your brain tells you, you don’t go back to bed. You make yourself a nice cup of coffee and find some toast in the cupboard to make yourself some breakfast, and you force yourself to swallow a few bites for your upset stomach. Maybe that will give you a clear mind.

You spend a few minutes sitting in the backyard, staring out into nature. Every once in a while, you peek over at Jimmy and Amanda’s house. It seems so deserted. You wonder if they fought after you punched her.

Michael and Jimmy don’t seem all too close, but they’re still brothers, and Michael seems to see something in him that you don’t. You don’t need to understand it.

You busy yourself with cleaning for a while. Just as you’re scrubbing the stove, you catch something from the corner of your eye. Your peripheral vision picks up on a silhouette close to the bushes that adorn the sides of Michael’s driveway.

She’s concealed halfway by your car, but you catch a glimpse of the girl’s face that is staring directly into the house, and when she meets your eyes, she gasps and bolts.

Anna.

You know Michael has secretly been watching her just to get a chance to see her, even if it’s from afar. You never expected Anna to come to the house herself.

She was still little when he went to prison and she must be more than curious, but also a little angry because she probably doesn’t know or understand the full truth behind her mother’s death yet. She’s a child, but she’s not stupid.

You open the front door and storm out of the house. You call out, “Anna?” But upon hearing her name, the girl runs faster, and soon enough she has disappeared around the corner in her school uniform.

You sigh. Whether or not you will tell Michael about this depends on how his meeting goes. Now that she saw you, what must she think? Knowing her father whom she hasn’t seen for eight years has a strange woman standing in his kitchen and cleaning it like a mad woman.

By opening the blinds to let in some light, you might have just screwed up in the eyes of a teenage girl and Michael’s daughter, and that fills you with dread because you don’t know if he’s going to process the truth in the way you want him to.

Locking the door behind you again, you draw the blinds closed and return to angrily scrubbing the stove, making the pain in your injured hand worse without even using it, but at least it makes you feel something other than the gaping emptiness deep within your soul. It keeps you from going crazy.

Suddenly, there’s a knock on the very door that you just closed. Startled, you turn around. Goosebumps form on your skin. For a second, you consider what to do. Should you go upstairs and hide? Should you call Michael? Should you grab a knife or the gun behind the fridge?

You move toward the front door, your steps careful and calculated. The knocking intensifies. You can feel yourself quivering in the fuzzy socks you’re wearing.

Then, you hear a faint voice call out your name, and you can see Frank peeking in through the kitchen window. He waves at you as if he can see you through the slits in the blinds. You hold your breath.

“I know you’re in there!” he calls out for you. “I just wanna talk.” There is a pause, and you stand there completely paralyzed until he adds, “It’s about yer sister.”

Your feet carry you the rest of the way to the door and you open it enough to look outside.

“What do you want, Frank?” you snap. “Do you get off on harassing innocent people? Or are you just that stupid?”

He looks at you, and… is that guilt in his eyes? You don’t want to believe it. The audacity he has to show up here and look like that. He’s cruel, he’s vile, he is an asshole and he doesn’t deserve your attention. But he mentioned your sister. After what happened the day before, he knows that you would jump at the mere mention, and that is how he gets you.

“I just wanna talk,” he repeats. “Please.”

“Michael’s not here,” you say. You have to stand your ground. He’s doing this on purpose. He has to be. This man is capable of unspeakable things.

If Michael knew, heads would roll.

“I’m not here to talk to Michael, I told ya. I’m here because o’ you.”

You let out an exasperated sigh. You shouldn’t, you know that you shouldn’t, but your body acts without listening to your common sense. You open the door just enough to let him inside.

This is about Maya, you tell yourself. Whatever he has to say could be important. And you can’t say no to the man who threatened her once before. He is the reason she might be in grave danger. So, whatever he knows, as small as it might seem could help prevent any further damage. And if he’s lying, you can still grab the gun behind the fridge and put an end to this disgusting excuse of a human being.

“Thanks,” Frank throws your way as he steps in, almost as if you’re friends, and you hate that he carries himself with that godawful, confidence-secreting attitude.

Does he not realize what he did? Michael threatened him with a gun and this is how he walks around, with his hair styled and an almost sly smile on his face—it’s just a hint, but it counts, and it makes you feral.

He stands in the kitchen, turning to you. You stand across from him, arms crossed and waiting for him to make a move. You won’t offer him a drink, that’s for sure.

He lets out a long breath eventually, pulling something from his backpocket. You flinch at the sudden movement of his hand, and he lifts them almost as if to reassure you that he isn’t a threat. But to you, he is everything bad and more. You hate him in a way you ever only thought you could hate one person, even though it’s a different kind of hatred nonetheless.

Frank pulls out a small envelope, looking down at it for a moment before slowly extending it to you. You frown at him. He insists you take it, but you’re not sure if you want to see the contents.

“Open it,” he encourages you.

You roll your eyes, reaching for the envelope. The paper feels thin under your fingers, almost rough and worn. It’s barely closed. You only have to pull a little to open it, and when you look inside, you can tell there is a series of pictures waiting for you. You shoot Frank a glare.

“What’s this?” you ask as you take the photographs out of the envelope.

“It’s the pictures my men took of your sister,” he answers.

You stop. “What?!” Your voice echoes. The house isn’t even that big, but you are loud enough for the sound to carry.

“Relax–”

“Relax? You had my sister followed and now you come here after deliberately putting her in danger, telling me to relax? How sick can you possibly be?!”

“They’re the pictures I was plannin’ to have sent to ya so you’d leave Michael alone. I told my men to back off. I promised tha. I don’t like being threatened,” he says. “They’re the only photographs left of her. Swear to God. It’s done. It’s over. Nothin’ more to worry about, alright? So… relax.”

His voice holds a certain edge as if your anger is somehow annoying to him and not at all justified, and only for that you want to use your healthy fist to hit him.

No, you won’t fall for it. You see a glimpse of humanity, but you refuse to let it blind you. People like him know how to fool someone in a crisis like you, and they use that vulnerability to their advantage.

You take out the photographs he gave you. He’s right, it is Maya. Your little sister, all alone and vulnerable. It’s so different to see her walking the streets of London after school, hanging out with the few friends she has, and–

You stop. The last picture has your father in it. The look in his eyes resembles death. He smiles at your weak mother, but there is nothing but evil in his eyes. You can see that he has no soul, he never had one. It makes your stomach churn.

“You’re lying,” you say, but your voice is barely above a whisper. “This was never supposed to happen.”

“Believe me or not, but it’s done,” Frank repeats. “They won’t hurt her, and for the record, I was never plannin’ on havin’ her hurt anyway, but after what you said about your father… You know, we can help–”

“Don’t even start,” you cut him off. “You had men follow my sister and put her in danger because you didn’t think. You were dissatisfied with Michael choosing himself over your twisted family for once in his godforsaken life, and you were ready to let it out on an innocent child you didn’t know instead of taking it up with me. That makes you as much of an asshole as my bastard of a father, and I’ve encountered many people in my life. You threatened me and my sister and that is not something I can just forgive. So forgive me for not trusting you, but you have done nothing to earn it.”

He nods slowly, processing your words and agreeing, “Yer right. For what it’s worth, I’m…” And he struggles to say it. “Sorry,” he says.

You stare at the pictures, then back at Frank. Tears of frustration and pure rage form in your eyes, and they already start pricking at the corners. “Get out,” you say, trying to stay calm.

“C’mon now, let’s not make such a big deal out of it. You know that ya have your own problems and that you’re not ready for what this family brings with it. I just wanted to protect us. I only hurt those that need t’be hurt, not innocent children.”

The urge to punch him grows with every passing second. Every word in your head makes less and less sense as you start losing sight of what’s most important. You want to give in to your anger. You want to be selfish.

But you can’t. You can’t allow yourself to give in. This is not who you are. And Maya wouldn’t want you to lose sight of that as much as she wouldn’t want you to lose sight of her.

“You already hurt her,” you say.

“I didn’t. She’s alive. She’s no longer being followed, and your father has no fuckin’ clue ‘cause my men aren’t that stupid. What more do ya need?”

“Frank,” you spit his name like a snake would dig her teeth into its victim. You’re inching closer to the point of disaster. “I’m going to ask you nicely,” you say, “even though you don’t deserve any bit of my kindness. Get the fuck out of this house or I swear to God, I will make use of the gun Michael keeps around here and shoot your cock off!”

Instead of cowering in fear at your tone, Frank only smirks. He looks surprised, impressed even, but not scared. At this point, you’re boiling like a tea kettle on a gas stove.

“I was wrong ‘bout you,” he says. The sound of impress is laced in every vibration of his vocal cords.

You stretch the fingers of your uninjured hand. He needs to get out. Now.

“If you don’t get out, I will call Michael right now and tell him you harassed me.” It’s your last straw. He doesn’t respect you, so maybe he will respect the man that already bashed his head in.

The next time he comes face to face with him, you know he won’t be as merciful.

You pull out your phone. “I’m sure he’d love to hear what you had to say to me, word for word.” You unlock it and select your boyfriend’s contact at the top of the list. “I have a very good memory, you must know. I can remember conversations pretty vividly.”

Of course, it works immediately. Frank’s face falls. As soon as you mention Michael and the possibility of telling him every last word that was passed between you in the past five minutes, he takes a step toward the door.

“Take care of yourself,” Frank tells you, and you have never been so relieved to watch someone walk away from you as you are now.

You’re quick to lock the door behind him, letting out the breath you had been holding before, and your entire body quivers as you sink to the floor with the photographs in hand. The tears start streaming down your cheeks as the helplessness of your situation settles in.

You’re not sure where to go from here, and it is terrifying.

How much longer can you hold on before everything around you, including the people you love, turns into ashes in front of your very eyes?

Tagging: (let me know if you want to be tagged, too!) @bellaxgiornata @mattmurdocksscars @ms-murdockswift @your-not-invisible-to-me @shouldbestudying41 @glowstick-lesbian @acharliecoxedfan @roseallisonparker @norestfortheshelbywicked @1988-fiend @loveroftoomanyfandoms @mattkinsella @schneeflocky @harperdoodle @ravenclaw617 @lunaticgurly @mattmurdocksstarlight

#michael kinsella x reader #michael kinsella #michael kinsella x f!reader #michael kinsella x you #kin amc #reader insert #charlie cox #chaos theroy #michael kinsella angst #michael kinsella fluff #frank kinsella

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bepractical · 1 year

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Kin Season 1 Superlatives

I'm just about ready to reignite my Daredevil obsession, but before my page becomes flooded with pics of my favorite vigilante in black pjs…

I thought I’d do one last Kin post to close out my recaps, at least until Season 2. Here are my superlatives for season 1 of Kin. It was much harder than I expected.

Favorite Character: Michael Kinsella.

You won’t believe it but I really had to think this one through. How much of my love for Michael has to do with Charlie Cox? Have I been blinded by those sad, puppy-dog eyes? Amanda is my close second and her storyline and development is just as satisfying. In the end there are a few things that put Michael in the top spot. The first is Anna. Michael and Anna’s relationship is one of my favorite things about the series. More on that in a minute. Second, I love how Michael is portrayed. It’s a conscious decision to make the family hitman a quiet, grieving man, who is soft and shy on the outside but a stone cold killer who struggles with expressing himself and with detachment on the inside. His health problems provided some of the most intense moments of the series and he has wonderful, multidimensional relationships with Anna, Jimmy, Amanda, Birdy, Jamie and Frank. He’s a good character who is well acted and I cannot wait to see what happens with him next season.

Least Favorite Character: It’s Frank.

Of course it is. I’ve said it before and I stand firm in the assertion, rewatching is not kind to Frank. It’s not that Frank is uninteresting or poorly written. He has a great story arc and Aidan Gillen does a wonderful job with a pretty thankless character. Frank is written as a man who worked hard to secure his place in the family. He kept them well respected and relevant, but failed to provide the might needed to survive. Even before the events at the beginning of the season he had a fraught relationship with Eamon. Once the shit hit the fan, Frank reacted in the worst way possible. He panicked, stopped looking for solutions, and took out his frustration on the people around him. He was pathetic, sexist and incompetent, and a terrible, emotionally abusive dad to Eric.

Favorite Villain: Eamon Cunningham.

Eamon is frustrating, foolish, stubborn and full of hubris. He’s entirely dependent on his ability to intimidate and outright murder his enemies. The minute someone bites back he’s floundering, with no choice but more force. He’s the Goliath to the Kinsella’s David. He’s also a sucker for his ex wife and his little son in Spain. Eamon is a great antagonist and Ciarán Hinds plays him well.

Character Who Benefited Most from the Recaps: Jimmy Kinsella.

The slow watch I did for the recaps, where I paid special attention to details and wasn’t doing ten other things while I watched, was so good for Jimmy. There are a lot of small details to his performance, and most often they involve him loving and reaching out to his loved ones. He’s an incredibly emotional character and the dichotomy between him and Michael is fascinating.

Biggest Fuck Up: Eric Kinsella.

Character or plot point, it’s all about Eric. He’s a loveable fuck up, but a fuck up all the same. His horribly planned, anger fueled drive by was undoubtedly the biggest fuck up of the season.

Character Who Made the Largest Impact in the Least Amount of Screentime: Bren Kinsella.

His appearance answered so many questions I didn’t even know I had concerning Michael, Jimmy and Frank. He’s the missing piece in the Kinsella crime family and I cannot wait to see more of him.

Character I Want to See More Of: Birdy Goggins nee Kinsella

Birdy played a supporting role in most of her relationships this series, whether she was subtly manipulating Michael or bolstering Frank. My favorite scenes of hers, though, were her conversations with Eamon. First at Jamie’s funeral, when she outright asks him to give the Kinsellas Caolan Moore and second, when she approaches him in the parking garage and tries to broker a peace. I want to see more of Birdy when she’s not propping up other characters. I am also dying to see her, Frank and Bren.

Favorite Ship: Michael/Amanda/Jimmy.

Aka my favorite slow moving disaster. Every combination of these three is a delightful mess.

Favorite Family Relationship: Michael and Anna.

This is a show about family, so the options are many. In the end I have to go with Michael and Anna. They are the same flavor of awkward ducks and seeing them circle each other and try to carve out a relationship is stressful and endearing. Big props to Hannah Adeogun for mirroring some of Charlie’s mannerisms for Michael, right down to his awkward smile.

Most Shocking Death: Jamie Kinsella.

In retrospect there’s enough foreshadowing packed in that first episode that his death should have been visible from the moon, but on first watch I found it truly shocking.

Favorite Storyline: The Kinsellas do a robbery.

From Frank’s mischievous smile when the idea is first brought up, to Eric and Jimmy’s delight at Michael’s participation, to Michael’s dry delivery when threatening Con, to the family celebration when the job is done, this was a delight all around. Was it a good idea? Probably not. But everybody loves a heist and I love that this one hinged on Con Doyle loving his son more than he cares about Eamon’s drugs.

Least Favorite Storyline: Eamon and Angela go to an ayahuasca ceremony.

I love Angela and the hold she has on Eamon. I even love getting to see more of Eamon’s life outside of him terrorizing the Kinsellas. It’s the muddy symbolism, man.

Saddest Scene: Jimmy's eulogy.

This is a sad, sad series. After much contemplation, I’m gonna go with Jimmy’s eulogy at Jamie’s funeral for the saddest scene. It is a certified tearjerker. Emmett J Scanlan does a tremendous job in his portrayal of grief, with his strained, tearfilled smiles as he struggles to talk about his dead son. We also get a brief recognition of the pain Michael has caused his own daughter (which leads to another sad scene). The scene ends with a cut to Amanda with a crying Jimmy beside her, who has finally surfaced long enough from her own grief to see how painful this is for Jimmy.

Most Satisfying Scene: Amanda ferrets out the mole.

Everything about this plan is immensely satisfying to me. The minute Amanda suspects someone is working against the family, she uses her deductive reasoning to figure it out. She confronts Kem at her house, with Jimmy unknowingly on standby, and weasels the truth out of him. Look at that shot. Awesome.

Most Stressful Scene: Michael freaks out during the hit on Caolan Moore.

So many options and almost all of them have to do with Michael. I’m going with the first scene to truly stress me out in the series, Michael trapped in the bar after he kills Caolan Moore. It ends with him face-to-face with Mini Michael, the hitman who killed Jamie, but he can't focus his eyes to shoot. So stressful.

Most Cathartic Scene: Michael yells at Amanda after the cafe shootout.

If you’re looking for catharsis, this may not be the series for you. There is, however, one scene that really brings it home. You know the one. It’s Michael screaming out his feelings after the shooting at the cafe. If ever a character needed a moment to release his emotions, it’s Michael.

And that's all she wrote. Feel free to post our own, or say if you agree or disagree. The list I used is below. Hope to see you next season!

Favorite Character

Least Favorite Character

Favorite Villain

Character Who Benefited Most from the Recaps

Biggest Fuck Up

Character Who Made the Largest Impact in the Least Amount of Screentime

Character I Want to See More Of

Favorite Ship

Favorite Family Relationship

Most Shocking Death

Favorite Storyline