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godabsent-a · 9 months
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      “ swinging by my neck from the family tree ”
      hannibal   developed by bryan fuller,   ethel cain   a house in nebraska,   saint maud   dir. rose glass,   we are what we are   dir. jim mickle,   the other lamb   dir. małgorzata szumowska,   chelsea wolfe   the culling,   robert duncan   the collected early poems and plays,   chelsea wolfe   scrape,   ethel cain   family tree,   richard siken   the stag and the quiver,   andrew wyeth   christina's world,   ethel cain   american teenager,   stoker   dir. park chan-wook,   gunn c. killing eve,   an oresteia:   agamemnon by aiskhylos;   elektra by sophokles;   orestes by euripides   tr. anne carson,   yellowjackets   created by ashley lyle and bart nickerson,   ethel cain   strangers,   you're next   dir. adam wingard,   ethel cain   fear no plague 
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jcdas · 9 months
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taylor russell. cis woman. she/her. ⸻ i saw BIRDIE LAMBERT around THE WOODS, you know? the 25 years old that was driving from BEAUFORT, SOUTH CAROLINA when they saw the tree on the road. BIRD has been here for SIX MONTHS and i think they were A MENDER before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying. lets hope you at least survive the night on their own.
TELL ME / WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
full name    abilene lambert birdie faye lambert nickname(s)    bird, faye (birdie is reserved mostly for loved ones) age   twenty5 gender identity    cis woman orientation    unlabelled place of birth    beaufort, south carolina date of birth   august 16th faceclaim    taylor russell former occupation small-time mender & hitchhiker positive traits   ardent, perceptive, resilient negative traits   morbid, impetuous, delicate moral alignment   chaotic good parallels amma crellin (sharp objects), maren yearly (bones & all), india (stoker), abigail hobbs (hannibal) current residency    the colony house current occupation laundress for the colony house BIOGRAPHY tw for the following content: childhood trauma, illness & abandonment, mental illness and murder.
you do not enter this world alone, but you do happen upon it utterly starved & half dead. your sister comes first, and you follow shortly behind ⸻ with all her same parts, but worse. you emerge a novel shade of blue, witholding infant wiles because even then you knew how to wield attention to your liking if there were going to be two of you. you’ve been a gaping maw since then,  devouring anything within reach simply because you could.  you gulp life as if it were something you were starved of.  in all truth,  you’ve always gotten what you’ve wanted,  it was only a matter of having more.
two little girls with bad heart, both still rotting from the outside in. mama says she thought the water would be good for you so your family upped and moved to the closest thing to it when they could afford it. you're still hardly a wink near the southern marshes but mama still paints the house blue to ward off those bad spirits. your dad leaves for the first time real soon after that, part of you still thinks the blue is what warded him off ⸻ that maybe it was best that mama's own superstition hadn't allowed him past the front porch.
ain't this good, bird? she'd say, fingers swept up in your never-done hair because half your childhood was spent mustering the strength to climb out of bed. just us girls. you didn't much like it, but it would stay like that for a long while. a mother-wound doing her very best to raise two little girls that had gone rotten in their own ways. you had always been a spindly little rose,  luscious from first glance but when people were close enough to touch you they could feel that dry,  hollowness you exude even now.  the withering bud your ma had managed to overwater in the dry season.  even with a pink teddy perpetually tucked beneath an arm you were still all teeth.
the liar and the thief, if competition were made between you and your sister, you were by far the finer lambert girl. even in your ailing condition your mother had mulled through you with a fine tooth comb,  ensuring that you and you alone would be the one she would pour all her efforts into. you would be doted:  the one better loved from the top shelf of ma’s china cabinet  ⸻  she thought life was too abbrasive for you so you were kept tucked away.  except this love was more of a gentle taxidermy, in time you would know what it meant to keep the dead things alive.
when you are old enough you will learn that the best place to harbor things ⸻ the best place to bury a body, is within yourself. you would tell mama that it was an incident what happened to your sister, that you didn't mean to dig in the knife ⸻ to twist. but even as you had promised in the womb, she would be your wound as you would be hers. surely there were the startling differences between you as children, but you were the maw remember? your sister had taken everything from you, so when you had sat on it for just long enough, you decided that you would carve out those pieces of yourself in her & make them yours again. 
mama couldn't stand the sight of you and for the first time in a long while, you think ⸻ let alone miss ⸻ your father. you leave in the night like he did, and you've been nothing but a whisper on the wind since. you were just a girl then but you still take that peach fuzz softness and cast it over the vile bits you.  too many teeth where they shouldn’t be,  and too sharp to be just that.  in a childhood turned crime scene,  you were the rabid thing that had been tied up in the powder blue bow & now you're something much worse than you could have imagined. your sister may be dead, but she lives on in you.
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rosegoldfizz · 9 months
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❝  AT THIS POINT, I’VE BEEN LIVING IN SURVIVAL MODE. ❞
ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻⸻  i saw STEFANIE BACALL-BROWN around THE TOWN, you know? the 24 year old that was driving from ASPEN, COLORADO when they saw the tree on the road. STEVIE has been here for ONE YEAR and i think they were a MEDICAL STUDENT before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and seek a way out without losing themselves or dying. let’s hope you at least survive the night. ⸻ frankie, she/her,  27, cst, n/a triggers.
GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻
full name — stefanie kinsley bacall-brown
nickname(s) — stevie
age — 24 years old
gender identity — cis woman + she ╱ her ╱ hers
orientation — bisexual ╱ demi-romantic
place of birth — tbd
date of birth — november 15, 1998
former occupation — medical student ╱ retail sales associate
3 positive traits — ambitious, warmhearted & trustworthy
3 negative traits — suspicious, blunt & paranoid
moral alignment — lawful good
face claim — abigail cowen
TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻
current residency — somewhere within the town
current occupation — server at the diner
BIOGRAPHY   YOUR   CHARACTER'S   BACKGROUND.  ⸻
tbd
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caedesz · 9 months
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❝         I'VE    BEEN    STARIN'    DOWN        THE    BARREL    OF    ANOTHER    LIFE        ...        SAID    I    𝖢𝖮𝖴𝖫𝖣'𝖵𝖤    𝖡𝖤𝖤𝖭    𝖠    𝖫𝖠𝖶𝖸𝖤𝖱,    WE    WOULD'VE    BEEN    𝙵𝙸𝙽𝙴    THEN.          ❞
──────            ❝            I.            ...            OR,            BASICS.
full    name:        scout    jude    vonnegut. nickname(s):        none. age:        thirty2.                     gender    identity:        demi    man. orientation:        bisexual    biromantic. place    of    birth:        port    isaac,    cornwall. date    of    birth:        may    6th,    1991.                     former    occupation:        electrician. three    positive    traits:        assiduous,    blithe,    equitable. three    negative    traits:        languid,    satyric,    ornery. moral    alignment:        chaotic    neutral. faceclaim:        aaron    taylor    -    johnson.
──────            ❝            II.            ...            OR,            TOWN INFO.
current    residency:        the    town. current    occupation:        handyman.
──────            ❝            III.            ...            OR,            HISTORY.
i.            you    can    divide    it    all,    can’t    you        ?        two    categories:        the    before,    the    after.    you    shouldn’t    be    able    to    remember    them    in    such    vivid    detail.    christ,    you    were    only    a    kid-
ii.            before,    part    one:        your    mother,    she    wasn’t    expecting    twins.    in    truth,    she    hardly    wanted    one.    twenty    -    three    to    his    forty    -    four,    they    exist    as    a    cautionary    tale.        (        did    you    hear    about    elizabeth    lawrence        ?        shame,    she    had    such    a    promising    future.        /        loose    lizzie,    gave    it    up    for    her    poetry    professor.    ten    pounds    says    he    wasn’t    the    first    one    she’d    fucked.        /        for    a    good    time,    call    01632    960062        !        )        she,    wide    -    eyed    student    in    awe    of    her    older,    glamorous    professor        ;        he,    preening    under    the    attention    of    a    pretty    little    undergrad,    brimming    with    promise        &        the    scent    of    pink    candy    on    every    delicate    pulse point.    puerile    wonder    meets    erudite    grace,    it’s    a    hell    of    a    combination        &        it    never    ends    well.        (        you    know    her    friends    called    her    the    next    sylvia    plath        ?     well,    if    the    shoe    fits        …        )        it    is    the    kind    of    tale    with    only    one    end        —        lust    turns    lukewarm,    regard    becomes    resentment.    it    takes    him    exactly    eight    months    to    realise    that    he’d    made    a    mistake        /        twelve    to    slip    into    someone    else’s    bed        &        leave    your    mother’s    achingly    cold        /        sixteen    to    start    planning.        (        in    muted    conversation    with    his    mistress,    he’d    called    it    wiping    the    slate    clean.    just    a    shame    he    forgot    to    do    the    same    to    his    call    logs.        )    
iii.            before,    part    two:        she    loved    you.    she    didn’t    like    a    lot        /        you    remember    her    in    expressions:    furrowed    brow,    tight    mouth,    crossed    arms.    she    was    too    young    to    have    the    kinds    of    grooves    she    did,    pressed    into    creamy    flesh    so    prematurely.    she    never    looked    happy    around    your    father.        (        he,    of    the    reputation    that    preceded    him        …        him,    you    only    knew    in    passing.    he    was    always    in    his    study,    rarely    at    the    dinner    table,    never    there    for    the    moments    that    counted.    later,    you    would    look    upon    the    figure    shackled    at    the    wrists        &        hardly    recognise    him.        )        with    you,        &        your    sister        ?        she    was    the    picture    of    delight,    gilded    warmth        &        maternal    joy,    scented    like    fresh    linen.    you    can    remember    the    taste    of    sea    salt    on    cracked    lips,    a    thick    coat    from    where    the    three    of    you    would    spend    hours    dashing    meaningless    circles    in    the    sand    just    to    watch    the    tide    wash    it    all    away.    how    were    you    to    know    it    was    the    last    time    you’d    feel    that,    the    kind    of    ebullient    happiness    that    bubbled    underneath    your    ribcage,    fierce    enough    to    sweep    you    clean    away        ?
iv.            the    two    of    you    are    at    a    sleepover    when    it    happens.    she’s    late    to    pick    you    up,        &        nobody    thinks    much    of    it    until    the    sun’s    threatening    to    creep    down    over    the    horizon        &        the    gravel    still    hasn’t    screeched    with    news    of    her    impending    arrival.    your    friend’s    mum,    she’s    pacing    near    the    windows        /        phone    in    hand,    contact    details    a    faint    glow,    but    she    pastes    uneasy    smile    over    the    crack    of    her    mouth.    it    doesn’t    soothe    you,    so    much    as    unsettle    you    even    more.    fatal    move:        “how    about    i    drive    you    kids    home?”        oh,    she    shouldn’t    have        /        &        fuck    the    backseat    of    her    car,    she    ought    to    have    swaddled    you    in    cotton,    protected    you.    instead,    she    delivers    you    to    the    sight    of    your    mother’s    broken    neck    at    the    base    of    the    stairs.
(            interlude:        oh,    the    blood        …        the    angle    of    her    neck    wasn’t    the    least    of    it.    framed    like    a    break    -    and    -    enter    gone    wrong,    she’d    practically    been    torn    apart.    what    does    it    say    about    a    crime,    that    every    juror    unfortunate    enough    to    be    dealt    the    case    of    your    mother’s    slaughter    took    up    the    court    -    offered    counselling    session        ?       )
v.            the    tabloids    called    it    the    butcher    and    the    bard.    the    judge    called    it    one    of    the    most    gruesome    murders    england    had    seen    in    a    long    time.    relatives    call    you    lucky,    for    being    in    the    right    place    at    the    right    time.    what    do    you    call    it        ?        because    it    tastes    an    awful    lot    like    survivor’s    guilt,    like    wishing    to    trade    places.    you’d    fall    down    the    stairs    a    million    times    if    it    meant    saving    hers        /        it’d    be    your    neck,    your    blood.    your    technicolour    imprint,    ghosting    along    the    backs    of    her    eyelids    every    time    she    so    much    as    deigned    to    let    them    flutter    closed.        (        you    never    tell    anyone,    how    often    you    dream    of    her.    how    are    you    meant    to        ?            “did    you    sleep    well?”        “nope,    saw    my    mother’s    mangled    body.    again.    pass    the    toast?”            )
vi.            after:        your    aunt’s    apartment    in    london        ;        the    seemingly    endless    drizzle    of    rain    against    the    windows        (        home,    school,    child    psychologist,    courtroom,    rinse,    repeat        ).    someone    seems    to    think    it’s    a    good    idea,    for    the    jury    to    lay    eyes    on    the    children    who    only    narrowly    escaped    their    fate.    the    collars    of    your    overly    -    starched    shirts    itch    against    your    pale    neck,    you    wish    you    didn’t    have    to    keep    coming    to    these    fucking    things.    the    judge    casts    a    sympathetic    gaze    every    time    you    reach    to    scratch    at    your    throat        /        if    she    had    her    way,    you’d    be    far    away    from    all    of    this.    instead,    the    jury    rises        &        it    falls        &        you    are    there    to    see    it    all.            unanimous    verdic:    GUILTY.    life    in    prison,    no    chance    of    parole.    sole    custody,    granted    to    miss    margaret    lawrence.            the    therapist    they    make    you    go    to,    she    asks    you    about    it        &        all    you    can    do    is    shrug.        s’pose    it    could’a    been    worse,    y’know        ?        he    could’a    killed    me.
vii.            &        the    thing    is,    he    killed    a    part    of    you.    something        —        childish    wonder,    a    love    of    life,    ambition,    that    feathered    thing    they    call    hope        —        it’s    slaughtered    on    the    floor    with    your    mum    that    day,    bleeds    out    right    beside    her    on    expensive    marble.    
viii.            the    years    speed    by,    the    anniversaries    blur.    the    booze    helps    with    that    one.        at    thirteen:    you    have    your    first    sip    of    something    that    hits    the    bottom    of    your    stomach        &        makes    you    feel    like    the    princely    twat    to    pull    the    sword    from    the    stone.    at    fifteen:    a    friend    offers    you    a    joint,    the    world    seems    to    haze    at    the    edges    in    just    the    right    way.    christ,    pot’s    a    fuckin’    wonderful    thing,    isn’t    it        ?    at    seventeen:    the    drink,    the    drugs,    the    deliquency,    it    all    catches    up        &        your    aunt    can’t    go    to    one    more    fuckin’    school    meeting    about    your    truancy,    about    your    bad    attitude.        (        about    your    promise,    the    way    it    breaks    teachers’    hearts    to    see    you    squandering    your    intelligence,    your    good    heart.    maggie    lawrence    is    not    a    woman    that    enjoys    pity,        &        your    misery    doesn’t    help    to    detract    from    the    enormous    pile    of    it    that    she    carries    now.        )        she    sits    you    down,    delivers    an    ultimatum:        you    get    your    shit    together,    or    you    get    out    of    my    house.    you    go    to    school,    you    get    good    grades,    you    stop    stealin’    my    vodka.    you    sort    yourself    out,    or    you    leave.
ix.            you    leave.    it’s    the    wrong    choice.
x.            you    finish    year    12,    at    the    very    least,    but    university    is    not    a    topic    you    so    much    as    consider.    in    a    hangover    daze,    you    peruse    local    newspapers        &        online    ads,    offer    handyman    services        /        odd    jobs    keep    you    in    your    vices,        &        you    can’t    ask    for    much    more    than    that.    it’s    not    an    active    choice,    to    hide    from    the    world    in    the    way    that    you    choose    to,    but    it    ends    up    happening    all    the    same;        it    grew    so    very    tiring,    watching    the    recognition    spark    behind    a    stranger’s    eyes    at    the    sound    of    your    last    name.    you    can    only    deal    with    being    a    public    spectacle    for    so    long,    before    it    makes    you    want    to    lash    out        &        drink    until    you    can    barely    remember    how    to    stand,    let    alone    your    goddamned    name.    is    it    any    wonder    that    you    retreat,    that    you    drink        &        smoke        &        snort        &        destroy    yourself    for    a    while        ?        
xi.            she    comes    to    you    in    a    dream.    your    mum,    maybe.    aunt    maggie        ?        shit.    could    be    your    sister    too,    they    did    always    look    awfully    alike.    in    one    swift    movement,    your    dream-relation    whacks    you    upside    the    head        &        tells    you,    time    to    wake    up,    chucklefuck.    you    do.    you’re    also    violently    ill    in    the    sink,    but    you’ll    leave    that    part    out    when    you    tell    the    story    of    how    you    pulled    yourself    out    from    the    depths    of    your    psychological    despair.    
xii.            it’s    a    more    conscious    choice    to    return    to    the    world    of    the    living.    you    apologise    to    your    aunt,    to    your    sister,    for    being    such    a    right    little    prick    as    a    kid.        (        you    owe    maggie    a    fair    few    bottles    of    vodka        &        a    few    packs    of    smokes,    too.    you    weren’t    slick    about    any    of    that,    you    know        ?        )        you    try    to    make    amends,    to    fix    what    you    so    willingly    broke,        &        the    most    heartbreaking    part    of    it    is    how    easily    it    all    comes    back    together.    there’s    no    waiting    period,    no    pacing    back        &        forth    waiting    to    see    if    your    family    will    have    you.    your    sister    wraps    her    arms    around    your    neck,    your    aunt    presses    a    kiss    to    your    forehead        &        manages    to    wipe    away    the    errant    tear    that    slides    down    her    cheek    before    you    notice.    in    another    world,    you    deserve    a    happy    ending,    a    soft    epilogue.    in    another    one,    you    get    it.
xiii.            the    crows    are    what    damn    you    in    the    end.    your    sister,    she    always    had    such    a    fondness    for    weird    birds.    as    a    kid,    her    favourites    were    puffins        &        pacific    gulls,    you    can    still    rattle    off    facts    about    them        /        it’s    the    fuckin’    birds.    you    pull    over,    snap    a    photo,        &        by    the    time    it    sends    you’re    doomed.        (        oh,    honey.    you    were    always    walking    a    tenuous    death    sentence.    it    was    only    a    matter    of    time.        )
──────            ❝            IV.            ...            OR,            WANTED    CONNECTIONS.
twin    sister            !!!            ↷            prob    needs    to    go    up    on    the    main    at    some    pt,    but    alas        !        pls    bring    his    twin    sistter    who    arrived    recently    bc    she    was    hunting    her    dickhead    brother    down        <333        very    luke/nell    crain    vibes    here.    more    than    a    dash    of    the    twin    telepathy.    the    only    person    who    knows    him    in    their    goddamn    marrow.    probs    freaked    when    he    fell    off    the    radar        &        didn’t    want    a    repeat    of    their    whole    mommy    getting    got    thing        </3
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nightinghouls · 9 months
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❝ I'VE GOT MY FEARS, I'VE GOT THEM DRESSED UP ❞
brigette lundy-paine. nonbinary. they / them. ⸻ i saw juno pasternak around colony house, you know? the twenty—eight year old that was driving from toronto, canada when they saw the tree on the road. juno has been here for six months and I think they were a bike mechanic before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and seek a way out without losing themselves or dying. lets hope you at least survive the night.
GENERAL   information.  ⸻
full   name     juno elliott pasternak
nickname(s)    june,  junebug,  jay
age     twenty — eight
gender   identity     nonbinary
orientation    bisexual,  strong preference for women
place   of   birth     guelph,  ontario,  canada
date   of   birth     november  1  1995
former   occupation     bike mechanic
3   positive traits     creative,  altruistic,  strong—willed
3   negative traits      reclusive,  moody,  gullible
moral alignment    neutral good
faceclaim    brigette lundy—paine
TOWN   information.  ⸻
current   residency    colony house
current   occupation     bike + small electronics mechanic,  handyman
INSP   characters and media.  ⸻
frances halladay from frances ha / enid coleslaw from ghost world / james leer from wonder boys / eve from god help the girl / my solo exchange diary 1 + 2 by nagata kabi / lelaina pierce from reality bites
BIOGRAPHY   your   character's   background.  ⸻
juno’s parents separated when they were just a baby, and juno ended up with their dad. though born in guelph, fairly soon after their parents broke up them and their dad moved back to toronto, where their paternal grandparents lived. juno spent their childhood between their dad’s house and their grandparents’ house, with the occasional holiday spent at their mom’s, until eventually those dried up too.
they were a strong but frustrating student throughout public and high school, which is to say that they read a ton and could write an excellent essay, but struggled chronically with deadlines, skipped and were late to a lot of class, and nearly failed math almost every year. that juno graduated as an ‘ontario scholar’ is a testament to understanding teachers willing to take months-late work and give make up assignments.
right out of high school they entered college for illustration, sure they wanted art to be their career. college was a disaster; without the constant external prodding of well-meaning teachers, left to their own devices and living away from home, deadlines became completely overwhelming and they dropped out within their first semester. they couldn’t handle the pressure, the self-direction, and most of all, taking care of themselves. they’d always thought of themselves as self-sufficient but once they actually had to do everything for themselves as well as attend classes, they simply couldn’t keep up.
they spent two weeks in hospital after they dropped out due to mental health issues, a stay that refocused their attention: stay healthy enough to stay out of the hospital.
once they were back home and had settled back in, they got a job at the bike shop a few blocks away, starting as a junior mechanic to fill the days and get them out of the house. it was around this time that they started seriously considering and exploring their gender identity. perhaps it was that they were the only ‘female’ mechanic, and that this contrast was brought up to them in a way that it hadn’t been ever before, or maybe it was having a kind of independence without the stressors of school, but whatever the cause the result was the same; many deep, internal questions about their sense of self.
after a year and a bit of working at the bike store, juno decided they’d give university a try. maybe it was college that had been the problem. all the programs in college were so specific, university was more general, you could explore and figure yourself out. so they enrolled in an english literature program.
university went slightly better than college had, but once again as soon as the external stress of school was on them they stopped being able to take care of themself. it was just too much. and so, after six months, they dropped out again. back to the bike shop.
one year turned into two, and then three, and then they’d spent four years living in their bedroom at their dad’s house, even after their little brother had moved out, working the same job. juno liked their job, but still — there had to be more out there. so they started saving up, bought a junker car ( a 1990s volkswagen rabbit ) and decided they would road trip across the united states. they’d never been to the states before, but it seemed like a place full of wide-open possibilities. so, they set off.
they drove through new york and into pennsylvania, and then they saw the tree. the story from there is fairly well-known to everyone. the circling, the attempts to get out. at first they had just pulled over, sure they’d gotten too high before setting out for the day’s drive, resolved to sleep it off. and then there was someone banging on the window and telling them to get out before sunset, to get inside.
they were luckier than most; when they came, they came with most of their stuff. clothing, cds, books, nice but not so useful. their toolkit, now that had value here. they’d attempted to get away from their job, but it seemed that was the best thing they had to offer. bikes are more like clocks than like cars, so juno wasn’t any good at engine repair, but small electronics, the bikes that had made it into the town, and any general handyman-type jobs, those they could handle.
TRIVIA   extra   character   information. 
because their parents were teenagers when they were born, they are named after their parents' favourite music ( juno for juno, their mom's favourite band, and elliott for elliott smith, their dad's favourite artist )
juno was diagnosed with adhd in college, and was medicated for it until they entered the town.
similarly, they had been undergoing low-dose hrt, which they ran out of after a time in the town.
some of the books in juno's car at the time they entered the town are: the wind up bird chronicle, franny and zooey, tell me i'm worthless, paul takes the form of a mortal girl, high fidelity, and please don't kill the freshmen.
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8blud-a · 9 months
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 ⸻  ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻  kristine froseth. non-binary. she/any.   ⸻   i saw  SOFIA RUSSELL  around  THE TOWN,  you know? the  TWENTY-SIX  year old that was driving from  SEATTLE, WASHINGTON  when they saw the tree on the road.  SOF  has been here for  FOUR MONTHS  and i think they were  A JUNIOR DOCTOR  before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying.  lets hope you at least survive the night.  ⸻
GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻
full  name.     sofia  russell.
nickname(s).    sof,   fi, give her some.
age.     twenty-six.
gender  identity.     non-binary.
orientation.    bisexual.
place  of  birth.     seattle,   washington.
date  of  birth.     31  december  1996.
former  occupation.    junior  doctor.
3  positive traits.    dogged,   pragmatic,   observant.
3  negative traits.    aloof,   selfish,   manipulative.
moral alignment.    lawful / neutral  evil. ( to be decided. )
faceclaim.    kristine  froseth.
TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻
current  residency.    the  town.
current  occupation.    doctor.
BIOGRAPHY   YOUR   CHARACTER’S   BACKGROUND.  ⸻
mother died before she was a year old: the bare bones of a human. she didn’t grow up with photos of her nor did she ever think to ask for them –– what use is a dead woman’s picture anyway? not like i knew her.
inherited by her godmother. an earlier memory, that’s not quite a memory: her aunt’s buttery fingers digging into her doughy neck; her aunt’s soft coos as she cried. marking your neck as a scruff of a newborn animal.
her aunt was an exhausted woman. sofia was a ( newly ) middle child, an awkward pup in a litter of kittens. dressed in the same good clothes for church on sundays: they wore purple when she wore brown; they paired together so she could hear them sitting in the middle of or on the outskirts of their posse.
her aunt bestowed the bulk of her attention on sofia. it created a vicious cycle of resentful exclusion, embittered isolation. she couldn’t foster a healthy view of friendliness, of playing nice. she just had her mother. her aunt-mother. her aunt who was a mother without bearing the moniker of mother.
( all of her children had to refer to her by her first name or renditions of it. if they failed, her soft smile would remain. her chin would lower. her tongue would click. and with the least amount of breath she could muster, she would say, “ i wish you wouldn’t call me that. ” a fraught home that couldn’t articulate its unease until it was too late. until a house could not feel like a home without dread flowing through its doors like air. )
she wasn’t an aggressive child, especially not in school: she didn’t pick nor engage in fights. didn’t see the point: it’s easier to be quiet than bruised. besides, she’s already taught herself to not care about her peers. in her studies, she excels. it’s easy and normal, like a language she couldn’t speak but knew from the grooves of her tongue. natural. it leads her to a medical degree, to a field where the human worth is based on what’s inside. literally, not metaphorically. people are much easier when they’re quiet.
one family gathering: a precursor to easter, to see her god-fearing aunt. it starts and ends as it always does. ( with a fight –– between who? about what? who threw the first punch? who slammed the first door? every gathering melts together in her mind’s eye. stuck in this new town for months, not even remembering why. ) and at some point in the night, she leaves with her breathless car. she would’ve been back within forty minutes to remind her aunt to take her tablets. to clean up after dinner. to tuck herself into bed with an unshakeable migraine, and an equally unshakeable, scruffy, old cat curled into her side. it should’ve been easy.
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bledfear · 9 months
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❝ Good people don’t need rules and today is not the day to find out why I have so many  ❞
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ᚠᚱᛟᛗ ⸻ adria arjona. cis woman. she/her ⸻ i saw danielle beltran around the colony house , you know? the 36 years old that was driving from chicago when they saw the tree on the road. dani has been here for ten years and i think they were an egineer / daughter of a narc before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and seek a way out without losing themselves or dying. lets hope you at least survive the night on their own . ⸻
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GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻
full   name   : danielle beltran .
nickname(s)   : dani . 
age :  36 .   
gender   identity : cis woman .     
sexual orientation :  heterosexual .   
place   of   birth   : guatemala .  
date   of   birth : september 21st .     
former   occupation : an engineer / daughter of a narc .
3   positive traits  : strong-willed , playful , kind-hearted .
3   negative traits  : self-sacrificing , reckless , too trusting .
moral alignment : neutral good . 
faceclaim  : adria arjona .
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TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻
current   residency   : the town .
current   occupation : n/a .
time in town : ten years .
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BIOGRAPHY   YOUR   CHARACTER'S   BACKGROUND.  ⸻
⸻ when danielle was born , she was named after her father , a known narco . the only girl out of 5 older brothers , who resented her in every way and ridiculed her as her mother was a prostitute . still , she was practically the golden child in her father's eyes . definitely a dad's girl , her father knew that women can easily run the business if not more ruthless than men . he wanted her to be the next to take over rather than his useless sons .
⸻ making sure she was well educated and knew her way around the world , just like her brothers , dani was homeschooled . when no one was looking her brothers would often threatened her or beat her down until she was old enough and finally was able to fight back . the first time it happened she blinded one of her brother's eye . which her father did nothing but congratulate her and found out about the abuse her bothers did against her .
⸻ by the time dani graduated her home schooling , she wanted to go to college . her father fully supporting her and within the next six years dani earned her bachelor in engineer . by the time she came back dani learned two of her brothers have died . despite how they treated her , she does love them . eventually with his sucessor back and during a party the oldest thought he would take over once their father passed , it was dani who he picked into overseeing all cocaine transportation and distribution in arizona help branching out into florida , chicago , new york , and europe .
⸻ being the good daughter dani would listen to her father but would also tell him its not what she wanted to do . living normally in college made her want a life away from violence and the drugs . yet she promised to help run it until one of her remaining brothers starts taking on the responsibility and get their act together rather than spend their days doing drugs themselves and drinking and parties .
⸻ dani knew her brothers hated this arrangement , yet she didn't know just how much they hated her and what they had planned . because she trusted them despite it all she never thought her own brothers would plan to hand her over to their father's enemies during an inspection in chicago where they tagged along .
⸻ hoping they would just kill her but they had other plans for dani . tortured and breaking her and made sure to record for her father . yet dani's will was not easily broken as she waited for a chance to escape and it was during one of her escape that she took one of their trucks and ended up seeing the tree on the road .
⸻ danielle is kind and gentle regardless of her upbringing . most in colony house would say that dani is playful , bubbly , and relaxed, but at at the same time the life of the party as she was the one who blessed most is mary jane . although she is guarded when people ask about her past and some of the scars she has . there being a silent darkness in her eyes ... but she can open up to the people she loves . she is a strong and clever survivor who would sacrifice herself when it comes to the people she loves , if she has no other choice .
⸻ for the passing ten years , dani had to survive before colony house was established and she realized the truck she stole to escape was filled with cannabis , a couple of bags of cocaine , and money which was useless for those stuck in town . planning the cannabis , dani was in charge in taking care of it . she was a light in colony house and during her time there got into a relationship for whom she would do anything for . so when the night came and somehow they were stuck outside , dani sacrificed herself which ended her being found the next day with a head injury and has been in a coma for the past 4 years .
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adriankinc · 9 months
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❝ IT’S HARD TO FORGET YOUR PAST WHEN IT’S WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR BODY. ❞
ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻  sebastian stan. cis man. he/him. ⸻  i saw ADRIAN KINCAID around the town, you know? the 38 year old that was driving from COLUMBUS, OH  when they saw the tree on the road. ADRIAN has been here for TWO YEARS and i think they were FORMER NAVY SEAL before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying.  lets hope you at least survive the night.
GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻
full name: adrian kincaid.
nickname: n/a.
age: thirty eight.
gender identity: cis man.  
orientation: heterosexual.
place of birth: columbus, ohio.     
date of birth: may 2nd, 1985.
former occupation: retired navy seal.
3 positive traits: adaptable, honest and observant.
3 negative traits: cynical, blunt and aloof.
moral alignment: neutral good.
faceclaim: sebastian stan.
TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻
current residency: in town.
current occupation: trainer.
BIOGRAPHY.   ⸻
adrian was born into a generational military family and spent his childhood moving from one place to another. the only really constant in his life was his mother and younger brother. they became a tight-nit unit, especially the two brothers.
while his grandfather and father assumed and pushed adrian to follow in their footsteps, he was adamant from a young age to carve his own path. once he graduated high school, he started to study computer science at college.
it was only weeks after he got his bachelor’s degree that his younger brother thomas enlisted. adrian had been so busy with his own life that he hadn’t realised the pressure thomas had been subjected to. while adrian was headstrong and confident in who he was, thomas was more of a follower and once adrian was out of the house, the pressure shifted from one son to another.
adrian enlisted only days after thomas did, hellbent on protecting his brother since he had failed previously. he threw away all his own personal goals and dreams even though no one asked him to. and so his time with the navy started. 
at thirty two, irony showed its ugly face when his brother died in combat while adrian had to sit the mission out because of a sprained ankle. how’s that for keeping him safe?
his time in the navy after that is sort of a blur, by then the rest of the team had became family too and abandoning them wasn’t on the list, so he continued to serve. to be honest, he mostly used it as an excuse to be anywhere else but home where guilt and grief waited for him.
at thirty five he left, chose not to reenlist after his active duty commitment came to an end. his mind nor body couldn’t handle it any longer and he knew better than to pretend it did. and then a year later he visited his mother only to see the damn tree on his way back home.
QUICKIES  ⸻
he’s a trainer, he’ll keep you in shape or get you into shape if you ask him. he’ll teach basic survival skills as well, best methods to hide etc.
pretty aloof at first but a real dork if you get to know him. basically a cat in human form, you gotta earn it.
he has mild tinnitus in both ears.
probably said “i would trust beyonce with my life” at one point. definitely listened to toxic by britney before he saw the tree.
CONNECTION IDEAS  ⸻
friends. especially one he’s actually close with and whose company he prefers over anyone else.almost ride or die but not exactly because that takes time with adrian.
“are you flirting or starting a fight?” and i don’t have to say more.
a fwb but not really, it’s more of a mutual understanding of just killing time/finding enjoyment in this godforsaken place while Doing™ it. they might not even be friends at all, just sexually compatible. 
people he help trains because that just makes sense.
ok that’s what comes to mind right now but everything goes tbh
oke bye
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desensed · 9 months
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𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊 𝚋𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛 𝚔𝚗𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚗 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊 𝚙𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚘𝚗
 ⸻  ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻  robert pattinson. cis man. he/him. ⸻  i saw xander romanov around the town, you know? the 37 years old that was driving from brooklyn, ny  when they saw the tree on the road. xander has been here for 1 year and i think they were a doctor before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying.  lets hope you at least survive the night. ⸻
GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻
full   name   : xander romanov
nickname(s) : xan
age : 37 years old
gender   identity : cis man     
orientation : heterosexual    
place   of   birth : manhattan , new york     
date   of   birth : december 23 1986      
former   occupation : doctor
3   positive traits : kind , generous , forgiving  
3   negative traits  : apathetic , desensitized , perfectionist
moral alignment  : lawful neutral
faceclaim  : robert pattinson
TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻
current   residency : the town   
current   occupation : doctor
BIOGRAPHY.  ⸻
grew up in a strict household with controlling parents whose only interest was to mold their children into the perfect human being. the emotional well being of xander and his little sister were often times an after thought, if even that. learning to undo the affects of his parents emotional neglect has been a roller coaster ride for xander, though after finding himself without his family for the last year, it has become a little easier for him to understand his own feelings.
for the most part, he went along with whatever his parents asked him to do. he figured if he took the brunt of the work it would lessen the load that they would put upon his sister, though that idea turned out to be very untrue. at the very least, zelda and xander had one another, and they found refuge in their shared experiences together despite the big age gap that they have.
he excelled greatly in all of his academics, though lacked an obvious important factor in his life. xander has never had any close friends, or even someone he can call a best friend, for his entire life. he has shut off so much of his feelings to get through the harshness of his home life that he finds it difficult now to connect with people on a deeper level.
he's been living his life in a kind of blur through most of it, but now that he's here, he finally feels ' awake ' for the first time in a long time.
WANTED CONNECTIONS.  ⸻
sib connections, to die for obviously. loves his little sister very much and has been away from her for a long time, so if your muse is younger and a lil cutie he'll love 'em !
father / mother figure ? never had a loving parent so would probably melt at the first sign of affection, who knows !!!
people he might have known from school back in the day, or anyone who worked alongside / near him in any capacity.
patients, new and old ! formerly worked in the emergency ward so may have come across a plethora of ppl
first love ? hehe i love angst
TAKEN CONNECTIONS.  ⸻
little sister : zelda romanov @lichtundschattens
father / mother figure : augusto diaz & sierra ducharme
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fairypuzzles · 9 months
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❝ The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.. ❞
ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻  kit young. cis male. he/him ⸻  i saw LINUS HORNER around THE TOWN , you know? the  THIRTY years old that was driving from LONDON, ENGLAND  when they saw the tree on the road. LINUS has been here for TWO YEARS and i think they were PLASTIC SURGEON before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying.  lets hope you at least survive the night. ⸻⸻ ⸻
GENERAL   INFORMATION.  ⸻
linus oliver horner
-
30     
cis male   
gay  
london, england   
october 24, 1994
plastic surgeon
wise, easy-going, get things done
dramatic, arrogant, selfish
chaotic neutral
kit young
TOWN   INFORMATION.  ⸻
town
doctor
BIOGRAPHY   YOUR   CHARACTER'S   BACKGROUND.  ⸻
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staticspeak · 9 months
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ABOUT CADE | All I speak is static screams, can you hear me?
ᚠᚱᛟᛗ  ⸻  tom holland. cis man. he/him. ⸻  i saw CADE ROTHSCHILD around colony house, you know? the  twenty-six year old that was driving from BROOKLYN, NEW YORK when they saw the tree on the road. CADE has been here for THREE YEARS and i think they were A RADIO SHOW HOST before they got stuck in the town. with the way things are now, they are now struggling to maintain a sense of normalcy and  seek a way out without losing themselves or dying.  lets hope you at least survive the night. 
CHARACTER BASICS
FULL NAME: Cade Rothschild
NICKNAMES: That son of a bitch right there, that whiny kid from Colony House, fucking Cade
AGE: Twenty-Five
GENDER IDENTITY & PRONOUNS: Cis man, He/Him
SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Bisexual
FACE CLAIM: Tom Holland
EYE COLOR: Brown
HAIR COLOR: Brown
HEIGHT: 5′8″
DATE OF BIRTH: September 7th, 1998
AGE: Twenty-Five
ZODIAC SIGN: Virgo
SEXUALITY: Bisexual
LEVEL OF EDUCATION: Bachelor's in Communications with a Minor in Advertisement & English from Columbia University
HOMETOWN: Brooklyn, New York
FORMER OCCUPATION: Late Night Radio Show Host "Dorian Thomas"
POSITIVE TRAITS: Silver tongue, Reminiscent, Resourceful
NEGATIVE TRAITS: Manipulative, Impulsive, Impatient
MORAL ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Good
TOWN INFORMATION
CURRENT RESIDENCY: Colony House
CURRENT OCCUPATION: Landscaper for Colony House
CHARACTER HISTORY [TW: MENTION OF ABDUCTION/DISAPPEARANCE]
Before his disappearance from the face of the world a year ago, Cade was, in fact, just another golden boy— at least that's what everyone thought. But not all that glitters is gold, and Cade finally learned that when he was accepted into an elite academic society at Columbia University. He'd been an anomaly as he spoke the part, held the curl of lip just right, but he hardly looked it. Cade's saving grace was how he somehow demanded attention without ever being seen in the back of the classroom. His voice called out from the farthest row, a squint away, seemingly the only one with reason.
He'd been taken under the wing of his peers under the impression that they'd be his guardians. Known to be quiet, he found somewhere to stand and be heard. They made Cade feel as though he was heaven sent and angel willed, but it would be a hard fall from grace after that. No matter how hard they tried to dress him up, there were parts of Cade that they couldn't deny could never be reassembled to fit in with him. Towards the end of his college days, he had scraped himself of every gold flake they pressed against him like it was grime. Many say it was maturity that got to him and why he abandoned the comfort of his so-called brothers, while others believe to this day that maybe they realized Cade wasn't as special as they anticipated. As for Cade, he believes it was just a matter of time before he'd be another fool to false fortune.
Feeling out of place his third year, Cade's older sister, Olivia, had agreed to meet with him and venture out into the city together. They made plans to have lunch, he'd finally show her around and reintergrate his life before with the one he was building now. Their mother had fixated on finding the perfect white picket fence to raise her children in, even if she painted it herself. She had engrained in Cade that he needed to be good, smart, and ready to settle down. He was feeling out of place and exhausting pretending to care about a path he was told he had to follow. Olivia was suppose to talk sense into him, but she never showed up. They would have to reschedule for the next day, and then maybe the day after, as she never made it to campus and no one had been able to trace her down since.
Her disappearance took a toll on Cade that those around him found difficult to handle, and they took a step back. His grades began to slip, and every promise he had fumbled around him. The position he was promised at one of the most sought after news station was compromised. However, he was able to prevail and graduated but he'd once again start at the bottom of a ladder. While he had a degree that most didn't, he lost the drive to try harder early on and for the last four years he's stayed as an assistant.
At a Christmas Party at the station, a drunken Cade climbed up to the broadcast wing of the building to recover. Panic had settled in, and once more, that feeling of being out of place and stuck struck again. He had signed on to the broadcast after hours and sent a message to his sister if she was out there about how he felt and ultimately talked himself down. The message had resonated with many listeners to the point that a few had asked the next day while calling in if they had ever resolved the caller's request believing that Cade had just been someone who dialed in. He'd get on every night and talk into the void of listeners out there hoping that it was his sister. He build a reputation for himself as Dorian Thomas who took a full year to have his identity compromised when the radio station finally figured out it was their assistant. They didn't kick him off though— their profits skyrocketed during their dullest hour, and after a slap on the wrist, Cade was brought on as an official late night host.
PRESENT DAY
Despite his success, all Cade ever did was speak to his sister hoping she was out there listening. After a few years, it felt like he was talking into the void again and he sought out a plan to try and find her again. The weekend he had off was dedicated to tracing another set of plausible footsteps Olivia could have made, but he'd been blocked by a tree in the middle of the road keeping him from finding it.
Cade arrived in town right at sunset. Orange hues were being consumed by the shadows of evening, and one knock on the door was interrupted when they pulled him inside and tied him up immediately. He fought, and they had to knock him out, and he's seemingly never picked a fight again except to strike a deal. After all, there's always a barter system as long as you play your hand best.
He's never ventured outside the Colony House after arriving, never making it into town and never wandering farther than the fields they tend to. The one time Cade did after falling asleep outside, he'll never forget it. He spends his time coping by distorting his new reality with a good smoke, or whatever escape he's conjured up with the mushrooms he brought with him.
HEADCANONS
Cade doesn't have a particular room that's his in Colony House. It's diminished to a small corner in the living room where he's tucked away what's left of his own belongings into a trunk under a bench. He tends to sleep wherever he ends up crashing, though he pays a due in anyway he can even if it's not sleeping at all.
When he first arrived at Colony House, he was very quiet and took to his duties as a working member of the house. He made up for it by rolling a good joint with just about anything. However, he didn't speak much except when he figured out how to channel the small radio in the back of his trunk to whatever channel hung around the town itself to express his own concerns into a void and prayers of seeing his sister again.
Most of the time, Cade is sleeping throughout the day or picking weeds (and his own personal stash of shrooms he'd brought with him) for hours at a time. Any mind numbing task he takes on with a beg. At night, he's found a way to not pay mind to the voices by distracting himself any way he can— including providing any distraction he can for someone else.
His car is near Colony House and has been picked apart for scraps, hit at for entertainment, and used as storage for whatever he doesn't want to share. It's a 1972 Monte Carlo he's demolished in the last three years.
Sometimes Cade will hosts what's reminiscent of a rager in one of the rooms by rigging up all of the break lights he's stolen from the cars in town and propping candles halfway under colorful vases while they spin on turntables. Sometimes, he's not happy with where he is or what he left behind— and he tries to find elsewhere to feel better by escaping it all.
WANTED CONNECTIONS
People he's roomed with in the Colony House
People in town who have listened to him on the radio
Colony House hook ups, which has either worked for a transaction for something or problem solving because Cade is a pain in the ass
Anyone from the New York area since he went to Columbia University
People he went to school with at Columbia University, including those in the Brotherhood if possible
CURRENT CONNECTIONS
OLIVIA ROTHSCHILD - SISTER: Olivia has been Cade's fixation for the last five years since her disappearance. She was suppose to meet him in New York when he was having trouble his junior year of college, unsure of his decisions to chase a life of comfort their mother engrained in them by chasing a reasonable profession and education. She never arrived, and he's tried to keep her memory alive by tracking her down. It's her that he's always reaching out to on the radio even before he ended up at Colony House. He has yet to know she's been in town the entire time.
NAZLI SAYAR - BEST FRIEND: Cade had sought Nazli out in Brooklyn to take on his sister's case for their podcast, but every meeting was met with the same answer he had come up with himself. She was the last person he expected to arrive at Colony House, though, and seeing a familiar face pulled him out of the depression he had settled into. Nazli seems to be the only one who can snap him back to reality when he's become too distant from it all, and they're notoriously never far from the other. You've probably only ever seen Cade wearing clothes that match when Nazli's sitting on his lap wearing the matching silk pajama shirt to his pants at a Colony House meeting.
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caedesz · 9 months
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❝         CHRIST,    FORGIVE    THESE    BONES    I'VE    BEEN    HIDING        ...        &        THE    𝑩𝑶𝑵𝑬𝑺    I'M    ABOUT    TO    LEAVE.          ❞
──────            ❝            I.            ...            OR,            BASICS.
full    name:        esmerelda    flores    moretti. nickname(s):        goes    primarily    by    esme.                 age:        thirty3.                     gender    identity:        cis    woman. orientation:        bisexual,    biromanic.                 place    of    birth:        meadville,    mississippi.                     date    of    birth:        february    14th,    1990.                     former    occupation:        nurse    practitioner. three    positive    traits:        beneficent,    tenacious,    precipitate. three    negative    traits:        circumspect,    irresolute,    stringent. moral    alignment:        neutral    good. faceclaim:        christian    serratos.
──────            ❝            II.            ...            OR,            TOWN INFO.
current    residency:        the    town. current    occupation:        nurse.
──────            ❝            III.            ...            OR,            HISTORY.
one.            this    story    begins    the    same    way    it    ends:        in    a    chapel    that    thrums,    ACHES    with    the    weight    of    all    its    combined    prayers,    hopeless    intercessions,    heavenly    father,    hallowed    be    thy    name            …            mama    says    it    was    a    wednesday    when    she    heard    that    there    was    a    new    preacher    just    rolled    into    town,        &        that    she    ain’t    ever    been    so    excited    for    sunday    mass.    young,    italian,    gorgeous            …            she’ll    tell    you    that    god    put    him    in    meadville    for    a    reason,    just    for    her.        for    us    to    have    you,    mija.        (        &        she’ll    leave    out    the    other    parts:    about    knees    bruised    first    when    she    knelt    in    prayer,    second    time    in    pleasure        /        profane    communion    found    in    each    other’s    hips,    first    day    they    ever    met.    holy    mouth    trails    scorching    path    down,    down,    down        …        when    her    parents    asked    what    took    her    so    goddamn    long    to    come    home,    she’ll    tell    them    she    found    god,    that    he    told    her    that    it’s    about    time    she    started    staying    an    hour    longer    on    sundays    to    pray.        )        ain’t    never    seen    her    hang    on    a    man’s    word    so    damn    much    as    when    she    started    goin’    to    church,    just    to    listen    to    him    talk        !        six    months    after    that    first    sermon,    her    papa    gives    her    away    in    the    SAME    spot    they    conceived    you    in.    
two.            you    got    good    folks,    that’s    what    everyone    says.    your    daddy,    he’s    a    good    man.        (        sicilian    turned    southern,    loyalty    runs    as    bright    as    anything    in    those    bones        /        that    blood.            “yours    too,    mia    ragazza.”            is    that    meant    to    reassure    you,    or    to    send    the    first    prickling    thrill    of    fear    racing    down    your    spine        ?        you    settle    on    both.        )        mama,    she    smells    like    cheap    vanilla        &        makes    your    favourite    foods        (        pico    de    gallo,    flautas,    a    mean    huevos    rancheros        )        ;        she    sings    to    you    in    her    dulcet,    smooth    spanish,    makes    light    work    of    turning    your    unruly    curls    into    two    neat    braids    that    hang    down    your    back.    by    the    time    you    start    primary    school,    you    have    two    little    sisters    who    adore    the    very    ground    on    which    you    so    daintily    step        /        &        you    never    get    the    feelin’    that    your    daddy    might’a    wanted    another    boy.    he’s    got    his    girls,        &        he’s    got    his    god,        &        he    don’t    need    much    else.    (        good    folks,    good    family.    whatever    happened    to    that    oldest    girl    o’    theirs,    though        ?        didn’t    she-        …        christ,    is    that    what    happened        ?        mother    of    god.        )
three.            “that    girl’s    as    sweet    as    cherry    pie.”        teachers,    friends,    everybody    loves    you.        why    wouldn’t    they        ?        smart    as    a    whip        &        pretty    as    a    picture,    kindest    heart    around            …            there’s    a    reason    that    the    other    little    girls    in    your    class    love        &        loathe    you    in    equal,    violent    measures        /        why    the    boys    are    linin’    up    on    the    playground    to    catch    a    glimpse    of    that    sunray    smile    you    flash    so    indiscriminately.        &        that’s    all    swell    when    you’re    little,    when    a    peck    on    the    cheek    is    just    that,    but    kids    don’t    stay    that    way    forever,    motives    change        &        gazes    grow    leery,    lingering    to    the    point    where    your    skin    feels    prickly    with    it.    heart    o’    gold    never    turns,    though        …        ain’t    nothin’    you    wouldn’t    do    to    help    someone    who    needed    it,    or    someone    who    didn’t    know    they    needed    it    until    you    stepped    in    with    your    hair    smellin’    like    strawberries        &        your    dimples    punchin’    craters    in    the    soft    skin    of    your    cheeks.    you’re    too    soft,    too    sweet,    too    good,        &        it’s    the    reason    that    your    daddy    takes    you    out    the    back    of    a    paddock    when    you’re    fourteen.    he    places    the    weight    of    his    colt    in    your    shaking    palms,        &        shows    you    how    to    hit    targets.        “just    in    case,    mia    ragazza.”        &        christ    almighty,    you’re    an    awful    shot,    but    it’s    a    symbolic    exercise        /        half    practical,    half    allegorical,    leaves    you    with    a    strange    feeling    at    the    base    of    your    stomach    anyway.
four.            you    never    thought    you’d    have    to    use    it,    that    lesson.    you    chalk    it    up    to    him    being    overprotective,    overprepared,    worrying    about    a    hypothetical    that    would    never    see    the    light    of    day        /        for    years,    you    never    have    to    so    much    as    think    about    the    way    your    fingers    curl    around    the    trigger,    too    terrified    to    squeeze    it    but    urged    on    by    need.        you    have    to    be    able    to    protect    yourself.        &        the    thing    is,    you    got    so    close.    you    graduate,    valedictorian        /        victorious,    glimmering,    beautiful    thing    in    your    graduation    cap        &        gown,    your    scholarship    to    harvard,    your    career    unfurling    in    front    of    you    like    something    glittering,    something    just    in    your    grasp.        (        you    deliberated    for    hours,    harvard    over    columbia.    acceptance    letters    to    both,    you    should’ve    listened    to    your    gut.        )        in    a    fluorescently    -    lit    bar,    you    meet    someone        /        you    fall    in    something    that    looks    like    love        /        fourth    of    july    looks    like    a    barbeque        &        too    many    vodka    sodas        &        one    knee    pressing    an    indent    into    the    sand,    a    gasp    that        comes    from    somewhere    outside    your    body,    last    of    the    twilight    sunbeams    catching    the    diamond    that    twinkles    inside    its    velveteen    box.        (        he    never    asked    your    father.    if    you’d    had    known,    you    would’a    never    said    yes.    it’s    stupid,    it’s    old,    it’s    a    tradition    the    likes    of    which    you    shucked    off    years    ago,    but    it    means    somethin’    to    him.    if    only    you’d    known        …        )        the    engagement    is    a    blur,        &        he’s    so    candy    -    sweet    that    your    back    teeth    rot    with    it        /        you’re    knee    -    deep    in    adoration,    your    mama    doesn’t    like    him        &        true    to    the    song,    she    does    like    everyone.
five.            on    the    evening    of    your    wedding,    your    father    gives    you    that    same    colt.        “just    in    case.”        twenty    -    four    hours    later,    your    hands    will    smell    of    gunpowder.    in    a    week,    you    will    fall    off    the    face    of    the    planet.
six.            he    puts    his    hands    on    you.    that’s    all    it    takes,    a    grip    that    goes    well    beyond    loving    or    protective        /        fingertips    pressed    into    the    groove    of    your    wrist,    hard    enough    to    bruise.            “you’re    my    wife    now,    you’ll    do    as    i    goddamn    say.”            you,    of    the    analytical    mind        &        the    careful    hands        &        the    painstaking    ways,    you    don’t    think.    for    the    first    time    in    your    adult    life,    near    thirty    goddamned    years,    you    act    first.        point,    squeeze.    shoot.        you    do    not    stick    around    to    see    if    you    hit    anywhere    vital.    the    keys    to    his    dusty    old    pickup    are    on    the    tallboy;    you    take    them,    you    run.    barefoot    bride,    still    in    your    wedding    gown    when    you    bundle    yourself    into    the    drivers’    seat        &        go.
seven.            you    didn’t    plan    for    anything,    didn’t    take    any    clothes        /        no    money,    no    nothing.    your    parents,    they    give    you    a    wad    of    cash,    your    bank    card,        &        a    suitcase    of    clothes    that    border    on    too    tight    but    that    aren’t    your    shorn    -    off    dress.    they    fill    up    your    tank,    they    kiss    you    on    the    cheek,    they    promise    not    to    tell    anyone    that    you    were    ever    here.    harbouring    a    murderess,    that’s    still    a    crime,    isn’t    it        ?        you    don’t    frequent    anywhere    too    long,    can’t    risk    it.    dirty    motels        &        greasy    spoons,    the    open    road,    you    spend    a    few    days    just    driving,    wandering,    refusing    to    think    too    long    about    your    wedding    night.        (        his    eyes,    blown    wide    when    the    sound    cracks        /        you    hands,    fuck,    they    haven’t    stopped    shaking        /        blood,        &        the    smell,        &        the    door    banging    into    the    drywall    so    hard    you’re    sure    it    took    a    chunk    out.        )        on    the    third    night,    you    finally    work    up    the    courage    to    slide    the    gold    band    off    your    finger,    toss    it    into    the    desert.    let    somebody    stumble    on    it    one    day,    wonder    why    there’s    such    a    pretty    little    trinket    buried    in    six    feet    of    sand.
eight.            the    crows.    the    tree.    you    don’t    know    why    you    stopped.    maybe    you    got    tired    of    running,    of    driving,    of    looking    over    your    shoulder.    stupid    girl,    you    should’ve    known    better.    you    stopped,    got    out    of    the    car,    signed    over    the    rest    of    your    life    the    minute    the    dang    door    closed    behind    you.    the    creatures,    that    smile        …        two    years    now,        &        they    still    haunt    you    the    minute    your    eyelids    deign    to    slip    closed.    you’ve    carved    out    somethin’    alright    for    yourself,    got    work    as    a    nurse,    built    somethin’    halfway    decent    in    this    hellhole        /        got    a    funny    feelin’    you    would’ve    ended    up    dealin’    with    monsters    regardless.    maybe    the    ones    with    the    eerie    smile,    the    penchant    for    rippin’    people    limb    to    limb,    maybe    they’re    better        /        maybe    they’re    worse,    who    knows.    ‘least    you    know    this    for    sure:        you    won’t    miss    next    time    you        &        your    colt    come    up    against    one.
──────            ❝            IV.            ...            OR,            WANTED    CONNECTIONS.
tba.
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