#fuck british accents all my homies hate British accents

[shadowsandstarlight]

Thoughts on every Canadian province (by a totally 100% unbiased Albertan):

British Columbia (BC)—It’s pretty. By which I mean pretty fuckin expensive. Nice views, decent weather, Victoria’s fine to visit but don’t ever ask me to set foot in Vancouver. The Vancouver airport is weird and fucked up. The areas in the Rockies are nice, there are some pleasant lakes, otherwise it’s mid. Closer to the coast it’s like the California of Canada. Fuck you for all the snow you don’t get.

Alberta—Home. It fuckin sucks, but in a very specific way that I can survive. Albertans are highly specialized organisms who can survive in this particular shithole but hate literally everywhere else (and for good reason, rest of the country doesn’t like us any more than we like them). Very diverse landscape, though you’d never realize it because most of the middle of it is just eternal canola everywhere around you. Canadian Texas, complete with cowboys. I hate this godforsaken place, but everywhere else is worse.

Saskatchewan—There’s. Things in Saskatchewan, supposedly. Rumour has it that there is at least one city. I believe that it exists and that there are people, if only for the fact that it borders us and I have relatives who live there.

Manitoba—I’m still not 100% sure that this province exists. I’ve met a solid one person from Manitoba. You never hear anything about the place. It may very well be a collective hallucination, I don’t know.

Ontario—Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. 0/10 hell. Bad. Bad. Bad. Toronto? The root of all evil. Ottawa? No. Just no. My boyfriend is the only good thing to ever come out of Ontario, and that’s because he left. There is no good contained in this province. This is not a place of honour. Fuck Ontario, all my homies hate Ontario.

Quebec—Somehow manages to be even worse than Ontario, probably because it also contains The French. Do not ever ask me to even consider properly setting foot in this province. I’ve been in the Montreal airport one time for a couple of hours and that’s more than enough for me. They literally have an entire political party that runs in our federal elections (the Bloc Québécois). At least Alberta’s not serious about wanting to leave the country. Created poutine, and that’s all the good they’ve done.

New Brunswick—I don’t think about New Brunswick.

Nova Scotia—Y’know what, this is a pretty acceptable one. Never been, but from the Nova Scotians I’ve met it seems solid enough. I’m not a Maritime person, but y’all’re decent.

Prince Edward Island (PEI)—I cannot say I understand why this is its own full province. This is like the country’s baby brother who we kinda forget exists. Anne of Green Gables, potatoes, and utterly incomprehensible accent are the only three things I know about the place. Extra points because when I was a kid I heard about the PEI potato museum and wanted nothing more than to visit it. Honestly, that desire has not lessened by much.

Newfoundland & Labrador—Two for the price of one. Don’t know shit about Labrador, but I’ve met a couple Newfies and I’m decent friends with one of them. Accent is no joke, that Canadian raising is. It’s something. But I really can’t judge accents, so. Decent province.

Bonus: The territories—Respect to the residents of the territories for being proof that humans will find a way to survive in literally any environment. I don’t know much about the territories, I don’t think there’s much to know about. I’d like to visit someday to see the northern lights in their fullest glory, though.

[heartslobbf]

british representation in glitch techs >>> british representation in infinity train

#i LOVE if but i was sat there watching amelia’s backstory like where the fuck is this woman from bcs it ISNT 80s england #i think it was meant 2 be the 80s anyway #like wtf lmao #also their accents. Why #fuck queens english all my homies hate queens english #like mitch n his siblings r so AUTHENTIC. and like they rlly feel british to me #like actually british #btw im not actually worked up abt this it just makes me :) when there r characters that arent all american in shows n theyre. not tweedy #or posh and prim or whatever #n e waze #shut up daisy #glitch techs #infinity train

[acciostorian]

mae reads the kane chronicles: the serpent’s shadow the red pyramid

(aka we see mae go through many emotions in the space of 2-3 days)

holy fuck ive only got to the contents and the chapters have those classic pjo click bait titles i’m so happy rn

WAIT IM SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT- the serpent’s shadow is the THIRD BOOK. uh-oh i almost fucked this whole series over lemme change the book real quick....

i’m literally on the first page and i’ve already been sent on a mission, so the kanes are THOSE bitches

SADIE AND KANE ARE BRITISH???? omg yes please

THEYRE IN LONDON MY HOME

never fucking mind they’re from LA

oh wait sadie was raised as a british kid. that’s very sexy of her.

carter be like, “you wouldn’t be interested in my dad’s lectures.” SHUT UP CARTER I WANNA KNOW MORE ABOUT EGYPTIAN PUNISHMENT

so sadie was raised in east london???? THATS SO SEXC BECAUSE ME TOO BOO

sadie has a british accent. a b r i t i s h a c c e n t.

FIT

“six years in london and she thinks she’s james bond” LMAO

sadie’s so emo/alt i love it. does rick always write his characters like this??

sadie pronounces it “mum” and carter says “mom”

it’s so refreshing to read mum ngl

sadie said bloke omg

i’m feeling carter’s pain. little sisters are shits and honestly sadie has the same vibes as my little sister and me and carter are quite similar. i hate this.

oh wow they really said sadie was too white for their family...

sadie did not HESITATE to be like, “yeah dad we’ll lock that guy in his office. mint.”

sadie telling the story is an experience

sadie said “maths” and “mates” in the same sentence. this is some refreshing shit.

sadie’s friends saying carter is hot is fucking hilarious. like it’s a classic piss-off to thirst over your mate’s sibling

THEYRE GETTING DEPORTED????

LMAO AMOS WAS LIKE, “yeah we don’t talk about manhattan. they’ve got their own problems. *cough percy jackson cough*”

i read thoth the god of knowledge as thot the god of knowledge

carter is right, amos has undeniable swag

philip of macedonia. the crocodile. cool.

i love how the greeks and romans be like “if we don’t honour the gods we’ll get SLAUGHTERED” and the egyptians are like “you know what? fuck the gods me and my homies hate the gods”

sadie kane would stab you in a back alley and dance to mcr as you bled to death and carter kane would take you to a museum, tell you everything about everything and then commit a terrorist attack

amos really went “don’t touch anything, the cats in charge and peace out bitches” and then fucking jumped off the balcony of his five storey mansion

sadie made that door go BANG

that fucking clay statue came to life and not one of them screamed. I WOULD SHIT MYSELF.

i’m giggling, all the greek/roman gods have really long/scary/cool sounding names like tartarus and chaos and nyx but the evilest guy in egyptian myth is called set. S E T.

please make muffin some crazy badass animal like crookshanks or swiftwind.

WHO DARES THROW HANDS WITH PHILIP?????

THE SHABTI FUCKING STOLE AN ARTEFACT THATS AMAZING

i love carter sm, even tho he’s scared as fuck he still picked up that ancient sword and was like “ig i’ll bash some heads in whilst sadie holds the cat”

MUFFIN JUST TURNED INTO SOME WARRIOR CAT LADY AND SHE INSTANTLY GAVE ME CATRA VIBES

every cat in new york is helping them

bast jacked that car like it was nobody’s business

i used to think the greek gods were stupid for having so many things to control but honestly the egyptians are taking the piss, do you really need a whole scorpion goddess?

the kane siblings are written so well. like i actually BELIEVE they’re siblings

i think carters gonna become a comfort character now... like i relate on another level. little siblings always take the spot light and you have to act level headed and calm because the younger ones start shit and you’re like “i gotta be the good one because my family would fall to shit if i didn’t behave.” so big kudos to carter, i love you

so carter’s a king huh? I DIDNT NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT RICK I ALREADY KNEW HE WAS

zia was like “king tut?? ugh he was such a boy, there were waaaaay cooler tombs out there x x”

i read “nectanebo II” as “nintendo II” and i was like ??? when was that a thing

i drinking camomile tea whilst reading this and i feel so peaceful uwu

sadie really can do magic like THAT like bitch be like “i just copied what zia did and yeah it worked lol”

okay so i’m sorta feeling bad about sadies life rn but i’m still very pro carter

set’s laugh makes me uncomfortable. because when most villains laugh it’s usually described like “their laugh was like a knife, cold and sharp. i hates it.” but when sadie discribed set’s laugh she was like “it was warm and friendly. beautiful.” LIKE AAAA THATS A RED LIGHT

set: the god of theatre because gods dam is he a good actor

sadie saw some hot emo guy and was like “omg marry me”

iskandar be like “lmao imma speak in alexandria greek all the time but this girl bouta die? i switch to perfect english for dramatic effect”

woooOooaaaah SLOW DOWN THERE BUDDY, tongue tattoos???

zia: you guys will probably suck at this at first but oh well we all can’t be great

sadie: *makes fire first time* wooosh

sadie and kane: *doing cool shit* me and my tea: sluuuurrrp

bast is so sassy i love it

me when it’s a sadie chapter: okay ig :/

me when it’s a carter chapter: HOLY SHIT CARTER HEY OMG YOURE DOING CRAZY STUFF???? COOL. i love you.

bast: so yeah, you’d be stupid to teleport to paris, this is desjardin’s home territory

sadie and kane, lying in the streets of paris: oh cool cool

sadie: like i might die rn but i don’t care, as long as it doesn’t get filmed and put in youtube, that would be embarrassing

like ???? sis get your priorities together smh

sadie: *sees hot emo guy again in her spirit adventure, he hints that’s he’s dead or something*

also sadie: so will i see you again?

“no, an egyptian drink. you’ve heard of hot chocolate? this is rather like hot vanilla.” dam now i want some.

carter is an amazing older brother. he’s written perfectly and he’s a great character to relate to for me. even though sadie can make his blood boil, he dropped everything to calm her down when she was panicking about not being able to change back from a bird. i too have to do that for my little sister - sadie and ava are ironically the same age - so i find that very comforting that there is someone like me to relate to!

‘a businessman with a rolling suitcase was waiting by the doors. his eyes widened when he saw me. i must’ve looked pretty strange — a tall black kid in dirty, ragged egyptian clothes, with a weird box tucked under one arm and a bird of prey perched on the other.

‘“how’s it going?” i said. “i’ll take the stairs.” he hurried off.’ LMAO THIS IS WHY CARTER BABY I LOVE YOU

highkey pissed that carters like “i’m always edgy around the police. once i turned eleven they started giving me the Look. when it doesn’t happen it’s always a pleasant surprise.” LIKE FUCK NO HE SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO WALK AROUND UNHASSLED WHATS WRONG WITH HIM

lmao bast be like “imma jump off this national monument. see ya at the airport in my finest clothes and jewellery x”

FOOD UPDATE: i’m eating a chocolate covered waffles and having some tea and i feel so happy rn sorry i know you don’t care but like aaaaaaa

bast called carter her little tomcat and my heart exploded

bast really likes convertibles huh

thoth: i hate rereading my old writing, my present self would never write like this now!! SOMEONE GET ME A RED PEN

are they... are they going to dig up elvis presley?

might put some elvis in for this part, y’know, to set the mood?

i cant stop reading ‘thoth’ as thot even though i know how to pronounce it

the captain with a axe for a head: my name is bloodstained battle axe 😸

yuh bast did some shit ...

imma stop now because spoilers, GO READ THE KANE CHRONICLES THEY ARE THE MOST UNDERRATED RIORDANVERSE BOOKS X X

#the kane chronicles #tkc #carter kane #sadie kane #tkc bast #mae waffles #rick riordan #riordanverse #did someone say queued?

[hoe-for-ares]

AU in which Red Rising is just a futuristic roleplay held in a chat full of teenage boys...

l posted once about it, but never went in detail. I was getting bored, so I wanted to make a list of the boyos from the AU - the homies behind the characters they are playing, duh! I imagine them having a roleplay chat and a homie-talking chat, that is mostly a voice-call never-ending conversation that is occurring while they are also roleplaying. Internet homies, also!

Feel free to add more.

Darrow - played by a 16 y/o Scottish boy, a know-it-all-mf, with an extensive knowledge. *Big nerd, fanatic of Ender’s Game and Star Wars. *Where does this dude even fit so much Ancient Greek history? *‘’Wait, why would someone even spend their time reading this crap???’’ - the homies in the chat. *All his friends created big, powerful Gold personas to shame him Red persona, but then Darrow went really deep with it and created a whole storyline about inequality and slavery, all in a long shower session. *No one took him seriously, but Darrow was dead serious - and also no one, maybe aside of Roque and Nero, didn’t really care what the hell he was talking about, but they followed him anyway because it was about badass warriors conquering and torn mfs apart! *He keeps deleting and rewriting his phrases, correlates everything with history and art, making the roleplay to seem wayyyy too serious. *He is anxious as shit if he doesn’t GET THIS LINE RIGHT! 

Sevro - played by a 14 y/o east-european boy, because no one can nail ‘em swearing better than an east european. *Moved to US recently and doesn’t seem to fit in, it makes him to not have many real life friends and not feel welcomed anywhere he goes. *He and Cassius are at the same high school, but since Sevro is a little freshman goblin, Cassius doesn’t fw him and ignores him. *Thus, Sevro acts like he hates him in the group chat and roleplay, but he only really is hella intimidated by him.  *His dad is a super cool dude and joins the gang’s games and conversations as often as he can. *Sevro doesn’t like that his father is much more liked than him within the group. *Listens to rock as a way of living and sunk in heavy metal as a coping mechanism.  *Big and proud furry. Has an IG dedicated to his fursona. *Relationships?? BLEAH. They are for suckers.  *But he has a ‘secret’ thing for muscular, tall and intimidating video game girls. Denies his affinity, though.  *Gang acts like they believe him when he insists he doesn’t care about those kind of girls and no girls in general, but Tactus is not fooled so easily and taunts him a lot by creating Victra.  *Also plays Uncle Narol because he wanted the chance to be the father figure since the gang always sees him as a little boy and treat him as such.  *He recalls every hoggish thing he heard from his father for Uncle Narol’s role, but creates his own expressions for Sevro’s.  Tactus - a 16 y/o french boy, neighbor with Roque.  *His only type of humor is yo mama jokes. *Gang is tired of Tactus’s obsession with their mothers, but Tactus doesn’t lose any chance and always recalls their mama in conversation... it is odd sometimes.  *He might have some mommy-issues.  *Also plays Deanna as a way to parody off Darrow’s real life mother, but he really started to get attached to the character. *He lives with his brother’s, that are always mocking him and embarrassing him every time he is in a voice-call conversation.  *But Tactus ain’t having any of this and screams at them - auch. *’’CLOSE YOUR MICROPHONE, COCK-FACE! YOU ARE FUCKING MY EARDRUMS!’’ - Sevro *He kinda wants to cry when his brothers do this, but he acts all tough. Homies can sense the shaking in his voice, but they act as they don’t hear it so Tactus can think he succeeded into fooling them.  *His brothers always force him to drink as a way of theirs of entertaining.  *Most of the time, he stumbles and vomits, no matter how hard he tried to act as one of them. This is the pure comedy his brothers are talking about! *Once he succeeded into drinking a whole bottle of beer without puking. He is really proud of his achievement.  *Groupchat knows all about it.  Roque - played by a 16 y/o french boy.  *Has a funny accent. *Homies are always laughing at him because of his fuddy-duddy accent.  *Tactus, too, which makes Roque hella sad.  *He doesn’t show his sadness and acts unbothered and way too stoic for being hurt because of their stupid charade.  *He really is deeply infuriated.  *Crushing on Tactus 24/7, but won’t show it - only his character is suspiciously close to his’. *Like...always privately sticking to him.  *No one knows what is going on in his private chat with Tactus. What are they roleplaying about? Hmm...  *He is really worried about Tactus’ mental health and brings him over his house as often as he can.  *Has some blessed asf parents, always lenient and nice. Accepted Tactus as part of their own family since his is way too fucked up.  *Rich as shit.  *Talks as pompous as possible. *Always reading and subtly bragging about what smart things he read, by quoting long and complicated verses out of his ancient poetry, early edition books, wrapped in animal skin.  *Kinda jealous of Darrow’s extensive knowledge.  *He was the one who brought Adrius in the group chat... no one knows how the hell he met such a shady dude.  Cassius - played by a 17 y/o american boy. *Knows Sevro personally, but won’t really give a fuck about him.  *Kinda ignores him irl and in game, too.  *His brothers all have curly hair, but he doesn’t - so of course his character has the perfect, craved-by-God, golden curls! ‘’Fuck you, Mother nature! If you didn’t want to give me the curls, I gave them to me myself!’’ *Doesn’t really know how curly hair works - did his character just went into a dirty ass fight and is full of grim? Bruh, whatever! His hair still shines and bounces like a little angel in Heaven! *He is bisexual irl, too, but tries to hide it. *His character is embracing his bisexuality, but he surely ain’t bisexual! No, nope!  *Hides his affinity for boys by making no-homo jokes and calling dudes gay for showing the slightest closeness to him - dayum, he carves for it, but no one needs to know!  *Thinks Darrow is cute, but as a homie, ya know? *I mean, he is totally going on a no-homo trip with Darrow. *He always listens to him and carves to talk to him the most, ignoring the rest of the squad most of the time.  *Also, always asks Darrow to teach him about ancient stuff he won’t care about irl, but once Darrow talks about them...ugh, they become so interesting! He is such a cool bro, dude, he like...knows how to explain thing to his bro!  *Praises the shit out of Darrow. Always mentions him when he is gone. You know, as a good homie does!  *Tactus ain’t fooled by any of it and makes subtle and snarky commentaries about his behavior.  Fitchner - played by Sevro’s dad. *A cool mf. *Proudly laughing his ass off when he hears how creative his son is with his language. *He knows damn well he is his son’s inspiration - beyond proud of knowing he created a genius.  *Single father.  *Joins the boys chat pretty often.  *Fakes reading something next to Sevro so he can listen what the squad is talking about via voice-chat or to keep up with the events in their roleplay because it makes him to feel good and young.  *He taunts his son irl and in game.  *Sometimes Sevro feels humiliated by his father, so he leaves the chat and/or the roleplay. Fitchner always brings him back and promises him not to mix in their game again.  *Squad doesn’t want him to leave, so they beg him to stay every single time when Fitchner says he about to let them play alone. *He can’t resist and promises them that he will come every time when he has a little spare time. *Sometimes acts like he is really busy and can’t join, when he really only wants Sevro to spend his time with his only friends being unbothered or mad by his father’s presence.  *Squad made him to be Ares because they worship him and call him the leader of the chat.  Adrius - played by a 16 y/o british boy.  *Has the stereotypical unintelligible british accent.  *Roque brought him in the group, out of nowhere, long after the roleplay started.  *No one really knows what’s up with this weird ass dude.  *Is online 24/7, but rarely speaks - he is the dude always peeking at the corners and watching everyone talking.  *When he shows up, his character has complex, long monologues when everyone else, aside of Darrow and Roque, can barely spell.  *He doesn’t fw with anyone’s plans and wreck them completely, by popping out of nowhere and destroying everything.  *But squad kinda enjoys it because he creates a good amount of drama within their rp.  *He types hella fast, like dude would spend his entire time sending messages. *Doesn’t he, like, has any friends?  *He never socialize within the group chat, he only breaths in the voice call.  *Squad created an anti-Adrius chat without him, but keeps him in the roleplay because his weird ass plan-wrecking character is interesting.  *He is so mysterious, with his character and all, that he resembles a chocolate egg with surprises. You never know what to expect.  Nero - played by a 16 y/o american boy. *Brought by Cassius long before Adrius came.  *Squad accepted him, but he doesn’t really fw them. *He is pretty shy and wanted to quit the group chat, since he wasn’t really talking much.  *Also, first time when Cassius suggested him to join roleplaying, he declined.  *A big history fanatic, always researching about war and dictators, corruption and tyrants.  *He will mainsplain every single detail in the lives of the big bad guy’s of the history.  *He will also get all ruffled if you don’t know the exact date in which WW1 started - like, are you even paying attention in the class, Karen??  *Gets excited every time Netflix drops a documentary about WW2.  *Cassius brought him the chat because he wanted to obligate him talk about anything else, but sad, miserable historic facts.  *Also, asked him to join roleplaying so, instead of focusing on the history of amok dictators, he can fight against them in a cool, space-knight way! *Became interested in roleplaying after he heard about Darrow’s plotline, all about inequality and war, thus considering it will give him the chance of shining and playing an old good tyrant. *Cassius hated the shit out of the idea, but Darrow was in ecstasy hearing they will have a big bad guy.  *Didn’t really join in the first part of the roleplay due still being really shy and clumsy at it, only joining when Darrow asked him for the execution part, but once he got used to it...oh, boy!  *He once joked about Adrius being Nero irl in the anti-Adrius group chat. Roque told Adrius about it and he liked the idea so much, he decided to make his character Nero’s son! Roque was kicked out from the anti-Adrius group chat just after that, Mustang - played by Cassius. *Why? Well, Darrow kinda cute... *He is just kidding, duuuh! It’s not about Darrow. It’s about playing a beautiful,tough girl so he can ‘’sharpen’’ his homies!  *He is a senior, so he has experience with girls, duh! He can play a girl just fine and give them tips on how to handle one. *OOPS! Sike! You can’t handle Mustang! Nice one, Cassius.  *Forced Darrow to chase Mustang as a way to entertain himself.  *He felt his soul going uwu when Meaper was going on.  *Expresses his feelings through a cocky girl as a way of coping with his feelings. *Made Mustang Adrius’ sister as a way of flipping off Adrius and his plans, thinking Adrius will lose his shit when someone will disturb his perfectionist plans and monologues just as much as he does to others, but it just fueled Adrius’ weird imagination and fitted into his agenda way too perfectly.  *Now he regrets his decision since he is obligated to spend a little extra time around Adrius.  Victra - played by Tactus *Created her for two sole reason. *Fucking around with Sevro’s not-so-secret passion for dangerously muscular fictional woman that can step on him any time. *Flexing fictional muscles in front of the squad by creating a super-giant-titan-ninja-classy-monster-woman to kick their space-knight asses. Even his own, too, because is funny to see women kicking metallic asses of knights, duuh! *And maybe for fw Darrow a bit, by making Victra all flirt with his shy ass. So, let’s say...three reasons.  *He gathered extensive knowledge from all the girls he knows about what the hell a girl likes - had no idea ‘till then, but now he knows what girls prefers the most: slaughter.  Feel free to add!!!

#red rising #red rising fandom #red rising au #darrow au andromedus #darrow of lykos #sevro au bara #fitchner au barca #victra au julii #mustang #virginia au augustus #tactus au rath #ares #roque au fabii #cassius au bellona

[thatdamnokie]

today, i watched rocknrolla for the first time and kept a running tab of live commentary which can be found below the cut and is a stupid amount of ridiculous and will not make ANY sense unless you’ve also seen rocknrolla and like--have some vague memory of how the movie happens because this was all pretty much stream-of-consciousness or whatever.

yoooo i dig the opening song. okay. off to a good start.

for real thought the dark castle logo was hogwarts fml

is that… mark’s voice?

who is this muscular motherfucker?

LOOK AT THAT FUCKING BONG PIPE THING

that’s as tall as a toddler what the fuck

look at all these people in this movie!

THAT WAS MARK

mr. strong ladies and gentleman

… wait lenny looks super familiar, what else have i seen him in.

this all seems very complicated.

idris and gerard!

counselor’s cute too

why is everyone in this movie so fucking cute

WHERE ELSE HAVE I SEEN THIS GUY

every time mark speaks i jump

wait is that—gerard’s actual accent?

lenny, you are a terrifying dude.

and mark i want to ruffle your hair.

archie, that profile, sweet gracious.

… fuck he’s in the background and i just can’t stop looking at him.

this all sounds very, very complicated.

he calls him “len” omg

“do i look like a fucking immigrant” u h m

okay so pretty sure i don’t like lenny, they should just let archie be the leader

enter the russiannnsss

your sweater is dumb russian guy

i like his accent though

guys i don’t know enough about real estate hustling to be able to explain this to another person

aw sweet russian sweater man giving him his painting

… wait no camera man show me the painting

“whiskey is the new vodka” sure yuri whatever you say

lenny i can shoot whiskey better than you can you fucking bitch

dude you can’t hold your sauce can you?

archie

archie help him

fuck he is so handsome

that jawline

“famous archie smile” I WANNA SEE

dude you need to be nicer to people when whiskey makes you that sweaty?

… i’m sorry but i think i could outdrink arch’s boss???

bless whoever made mark narrator

yooooo stella!

i like her!

dude she looks boss as fuck

“i don’t feel like smiling”

dude a marriage of convenience where you don’t have regular sex sounds awful

“welcome to the—speeler?” did he say speeler?

tom!

some of the names in the opening credits didn’t look familiar but these faces do.

wait is gerard gay or was he making a joke?

that. accent. gracious.

just picture that growling in your ear. fuck, i want a british boyfriend guys. i mean it.

i like the color scheme of all this like everything’s—muted, but still classy?

okay i dig 1-2 and stella’s broship.

can you imagine just calling him twelve to save time

“just a black eye, nothing more.”

dude she has louboutins! or something like them! the ones with the red bottoms, i’m probably misspelling it.

hanging out at the country club. very classy.

arch, you’re all limbs.

… you’re also scary.

duuuuude he has a way of talking that just makes me nervous. like an undercurrent of a threat, things implied…

“in there like swimwear” i’m stealing that.

duuuuude lenny’s robe though?

i got office envy! look at that desk.

WHO FALLS BACKWARDS IN THEIR CHAIR

oh shit they took the painting

… that i still don’t know what it looks like, guys let me see it

len you are boned.

“and archie’s gonna have to go… to work.”

he is literally the tallest dude in every shot.

is he giving him slapping lessons rn.

… yes he is.

oh

oh

oh no

JESUS

ARCHIE

we do NOT HIT PEOPLE

gracious.

i’m torn because on one hand, that would probably really fucking hurt, his hands are probably as big as my fucking face

on the other hand—would i let mark strong slap me?

… maybe.

“but you keep the receipts because this ain’t the mafia”

idrisssss

fuck if he smiled at me like that i’d do whatever he said too

“everybody have fun tonight! <3” :D EVERYBODY WANG CHUNG TONIGHT

“now fuck off”

oh twelve

ugh all the style in this movie.

wardrobe goals.

i want that bag.

“… maybe.” bro you said that like you wanted the d, and i can’t say i blame you.

i like how yuri says london.

for a split second i thought that was tom holland???

ohhhhh what’s gonna happen now!

does everyone just like—drive mark around in these movies

OMG it’s the same money

this shit is hysterical

i want to mess his hair up. because if we were in public he’d probably hate it and tbh i’d be too scared to do it but maybe privately…

guys… i feel like i’d fit into the uk.

ohhhhh an INFORMANT

… oh that dude is cute!

oh that dude is CRAZY

oh, drugs, right. these are the drugs i do not do.

his name is TWELVE archie

see, he’s so good at being quietly threatening

his laugh is so… <3

i think ship stella and yuri—

oh FUCK i forgot she was married

he’s also gay as shit, yuri

dude she just got so sad…

“you devil”

oh duuuuuude

you want that v so bad and it is so obvious

they both have nice hands.

poor bob. :(

twelve you sweet scottish bastard.

OH

UHM

OKAY

that’s a twist.

twelve noooo

dude be cool

DUDE

DUDE THIS IS NOT HOW YOU HANDLE THIS

CALM DOWN

oh my god

duuuuude, twelve.

dude.

bob. bob honey i am so sorry.

is he crying? T.T

TWELVE DO SOMETHING

“no I’M FUCKING SORRY”

YEAH WELL YOU SHOULD BE

a—a poof?

is ‘poof’ a bad word?

guys i don’t know anything about british slang.

bob honey relax…

ohhhhh i’m not sure if that was a smart question to ask right that second.

archie, you’re so classy and wonderful and probably wouldn’t freak out on people like that. probably.

this van gentleman is so delightful ( i am so bad at names rn )

so his nickname is van gentleman.

TANK

there we go.

i like this broship.

in which arch continues to be all. fucking. leg.

OH SHIT

i was NOT PREPARED

“like most things american they’ve eaten the natives” i mean…

i really like his comparison of the crayfish and greed, but like… i also really want bbq now… (have you HAD bbq crayfish? shit’s delicious.)

also HOLY SHIT was not expecting them to be stuck on him like leeches? that’s terrifying.

archie has like—this hidden mercy about him… like he got a weird look on his face and i couldn’t tell if it had to do with the quid dude or putting the other guy back in with the crayfish.

it’s his STEPSON?

ohhhhh an american!

oh he is handsome.

mickey. <3

what else have i seen this rocker dude in…

“ladies of the pole”

mickey’s hat ftw

oh this fedora guy is cute.

JUNE

i love that name AND her bangs!

this movie was a phenomenal soundtrack

aaannnddd definitely thought that dude was masturbating for a second

wait is that the guy from the beginning?

LENNY

... wwwooooowwww

lenny is an ASSHOLE

LENNY

johnny, johnny honey you do not deserve this

why is this movie full of people who deserve better than they got???

LENNY don’t you DARE

that is NOT OKAY

FUCK YOU

gosh, kid, bless your heart…

SHOW ME THIS FUCKING PAINTING

there are so many different accents in this movie and all it’s doing is confirming the fact that i never left my “i want a boyfriend with a nice voice” phase

“guns nuns and cowboys” idk what this bonanza thing is but i’m in

johnny you are very scary and i’m sorry that your stepdad made you like this.

dude stop touching june?

“it’s tasty and exotic—a bit like your june.” lenny you’re disgusting.

that’s an intense line of questioning, lenny.

this fucking painting.

ARCHIE

STOP FUCKING WITH THE MICROPHONE

oh my god

i literally just want him to never stop talking

omg bob.

dude twelve looks piiiiiiissed.

i think… i missed a part of the plot.

guys i want to be a part of this world but i’m only able to say that because no one’s very asked me to like… torture someone.

or sleep with someone gross.

victor you handsome bastard.

russian is such a guttural language i love it

FUCK YOU LENNY

at least you’re getting better at shooting your whiskey? fucking asshole.

like i like him less and less because he’s just GROSS you guys

jk could still outdrink him.

if you touch archie lenny i will reach through his screen and rip your face off.

i really wouldn’t be threatening someone who could snap you in half but okay

who the hell is cookie?

COOKIE

you look like a one-many party

omg where are your pants

cookie

cookie i love you you disaster of a man

omg i want to be invited to one of these parties

like just let me relax in a corner with an old fashioned and a cute boy

OHHH THEY FUCKED

OH

OKAY

that explains a lot

dude bob that’s—okay but like they thought he was going to prison, that was just an accident

wait does archie know?

dude stella i want to be your friend so you can help me with my wardrobe

… twelve. twelve what are you doing.

stella looks so fucking unimpressed

YEAH BECAUSE SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING

dude, stella, girl, i’m sorry

at least one of you can dance

oh bertie you gay as shit

stella why did you marry this man

i like this closed captioning thing they’re doing.

who. is. the. informant.

“and remember—i *am* dangerous.” yes you are baby.

bertie you are so awkward

bob. bobby no. D:

BOB

oh bertie don’t act like you didn’t like getting bossed around i saw it in your face

y’all he is fucking ENAMORED

i’d go see this guy live.

that bouncer wasn’t fucking around. one hit knockouts.

… john. johnny. what are you doing

JOHNNY DO NOT STAB THE BOUNCER

HE IS MAKING ME SO NERVOUS

HOLY SHIT

JOHNNY

ALL RIGHT COOL LET’S JUST SHANK THE BOUNCER

johnny you are batshit crazy

“fucking mutt” wait, what does that mean?

mumbles is a handsome man.

ohhhh this is an awkward conversation.

“made a pass.” right.

ohhhh. oh he knows.

twelve, dude, i’m sorry.

he looks so uncomfortable.

but hey like this means they didn’t fuck so that’s a thing?

boooob, sweetheart. <3

they’re all such good mixes of good and evil.

except lenny. fuck lenny.

ooooo that lady has pretty hair.

oh wait THAT’S cookie?

then who was pantsless homie?

this movie has such a big cast and i can keep track of like four people.

this club lounge place looks cool though.

he helped him get off the rock? that’s pretty rad.

p.s. this movie has a great soundtrack tbh.

all the same kiddos maybe just stick to weed and the occasional hallucinogens

say no to cocaine and crack

oh, johnny. :(

buddy.

holy SHIT this guy’s scars though!

DUDE

how many scars do these russian guys HAVE

… ADJNSJANSOAPSLKKJADSM

TRAIN

OKAY

WAIT NO TRUCK

JESUS

… more scars i guess?

… wait i wonder if archie has scars like that?

ohhhhh noooo yuri.

yuri did your friends die?

LENNY you’re racist and i do not like you.

oooohhhh why do i feel like so many bad things are gonna happen in the last part of this movie.

twelve you’re limping my baby who hurt you

… oh

OH

THAT is who hurt you

also i ship those two russian guys

i like how stella was apparently just watching the entire thing from a distance

and then has the audacity to critique him lmfao

holly shit right into a STOREFRONT

dude NONE of y’all are having a good day

this entire scene is fucking—something else

guns

knives

golf clubs

just

anything you can pick up and use as a weapon at all

WHAT THE FUCK

ARE THESE DUDES JUST INDESTRUCTIBLE

“ABANDON SHIP RUN FOR YOUR LIVES”

YEAH BITCH AGREED

OH SHIT COPS

BOB ARE YOU JUST GONNA WAVE LIKE THEY’RE YOUR BROS

THIS IS STRESSFUL

PARKOUR

bob you look like a puppy

and twelve looks like a zombie

and then there’s mumbles who just stole the coolest bike helmet i’ve ever seen

twelve, honey, you just can’t catch a break

dude russian guy is fucking RIPPED

kudos to who did the cinematography of this because it looks fucking cool

this is the slowest high-intensity chase i’ve ever seen

ripped and covered in blood. i dig it.

twelve you faker

oh hi ruskies

archie do you own any clothing that’s not black, grey or blue…?

fuck i love that jacket, but it’s so long it just makes him look even taller

LENNY

YOU NEED TO NOT BE SO FUCKING RACIST?

and get your hands off his testicles!

gracious.

everyone in this movie needs jesus.

johnny stop calling him pedro.

can…. can i see the painting please.

please.

guys.

this poor scottish guy.

yuri got cake.

johnny… sorta reminds me of freddie mercury in some of these shots? for like a few seconds at a time.

… okay so i’m full of dread between this monologue and what’s happening on the golf course.

lenny. buddy. you really got like. not do that. stop calling everyone immigrants

OH SHIT

GET HIM

GET HIM VICTOR

YOU GO BABY

this is a weird juxtaposition in terms of scenes though?

like

lenny getting his legs beat

and johnny’s super sad speech about the cigs

dude i can’t bring myself to feel bad for len.

wait where’s archie?

“and that is also why i cannot give that painting back.”

this is a set up for something really really bad.

and then they have moments where they act like dudes i know and i warm up to pete and johnny.

bobby stop fucking with that poor man. you’re gonna make him fall in love with you.

“i’m going back to bed.” “can i come?”

*smack* okay, that shit was funny.

johnny you need some chicken.

oh these motherfuckers.

… guys i wanna be a rocknrolla

lmao a protest

that flat looks disgusting.

dude you need to treat your bro better

ASJANSJASN

THEY TOOK THE PAINTING

CAN I SEE IT

LET ME SEE THIS FUCKING PAINTING

OH MY GOD THIS IS GREAT

if this movie ends without me seeing this fucking painting i’m going to kill someone

good man cookie.

TANK’S WATCHING P&P

COOKIE YOU DA REAL MVP

gerard’s laugh though

OH

… well then

like if she wasn’t so unhappy in her marriage i’d feel bad

THE INFORMANT YES TELL ME

… sydney shaw?

“where did he learn a word like pseudonym?”

awwww he likes her…

oh she likes him!

okay good because that sex didn’t look romantic at all.

“you’ve got very good taste mr. one-two.”

lenny fuck you.

you’re gonna be alive for like three more years, relax.

archie. <3 that protectiveness—even if it is for lenny.

aaannnnddd enter the russians.

what a clustfuck.

wait TWELVE

DAMNIT TWELVE

OPEN YOUR EYES

… oh you are FUCKED

ooosajdnaksdjnajsdna this is anxiety-inducing

y’all this is why drugs are bad

and then nice outside scene. birds chirping. looks like a lovely day.

oh shit ARCHIE WITH A GUN

there’s no way that twelve is still alive

what the FUCK

am i SEEING

dude archie, me too

omg ARCHIE HELP HIM

that SMILE

dude i’d laugh too

OH

OH SHIT

welp.

okay, we all figured archie was gonna kill people

put your FUCKING TONGUE BACK IN YOUR MOUTH

wait he SHOT TWELVE?

omg everything is happening at once.

wait, stella, what’d you do?

OMG

dude she looked FREAKED OUT

yuri… dude, what are you doing…?

UHM

WHAT

WAIT

WHAT IS HAPPENING

STELLA YOU LITERALLY FUCKED TWELVE LIKE A SECOND AGO

ohhhhhhhhhh

ohhhhhhh noooooo

ohhhhh NOOOOO

oh stella, honey you in danger girl

archie looks a thousand percent done and he’s been around this kid thirty seconds

wait archie was in prison?

this sydney shaw person put arch in prison…

duuuuuude younger!archie ;-;

“uncle arch” T.T

WHAT the fuck, lmao

just whipping out his gun, nbd

archie stop that. they’re babies.

johnny man you’ve—been fucked up for a while.

dude archie you look miserable.

ohhhh nobody died.

THANK YOU ARCHIE

GET HIM

i hate this entire family.

who all is about to die in this weird basement silent hill place.

… dude. johnny’s face though.

like i’ve felt like NO sympathy for lenny this entire time but i feel bad for johnny. :/

“a hot bath and a cold razor”

… dude

“because you’re poison john.”

o u c h

but like he is CRAZY

like

help i don’t know who to feel for

i feel for everyone

… except lenny

OH SHIT

WHAT THE FUCK

LENNY

JESUS

DUDE

HE IS GOING TO KILL HIS OWN STEPSON

what the fuck is happening.

YES THE INFORMANT

wait.

WAIT.

IT’S FUCKING LENNY????

OH MY GOD

“you are a VERY dirty bastard sydney.”

WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT

THE

FUCK

NO

STOP KILLING EVERYONE

I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

NO NO NO NO  NO NO NO

NO NO NO NO THIS ISN’T WHAT I WANTED

this is STRESSFUL

“put your hands up!”

*thud*

okay that was funny

THE BOYS!

oh, archie.

oooohhhhh… all this shit…

archie. fuck, you can hear the betrayal in his voice.

shit, this is sad.

“there is no spring without a winter. no life without death.”

… archie?

oh a time skip!

oh SHIT johnny got a GLO UP

“c’mon then give us a cuddle”

i’ll GLADLY you give you a cuddle

OH MY GOD THE PAINTING

SHOW ME

S H O W M E

… you literally put those russian guys in pieces, didn’t you archie.

you terrifying motherfucker.

GUYS I WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD

FUCK YOU GO GET THEM JOHNNY

... wait was there supposed to be a sequel?

… WAIT

WAIT  NO

NO

YOU FUCKING SHOW ME THAT GOD DAMN PAINTING

oh my god.

fuck it.

fuck that.

nope.

like mid-credit scenes are the least y’all can do.

… wait is that tom and gerard just like fucking with each other, it might be, that’s sort of adorable.

dude that gay club looks like fun though.

i don’t dance because i’ll spill my drink but.

awwwww guys i could watch them dance forever, like, this shit is funny.

ohhhh i hope this means that archie becomes the new lenny. he’d be a much better lenny.

and now we sway to this groovy end credit music while i sit and seethe in hatred that i never saw the painting and i’m pissed about it. :))))))

… fuck.

welp, guess i’ll just have to write shit about how the fuck this dude falls in love with a cop then.

#rocknrolla #commentary #mark strong

[taylornock]

I waited 19 years for lollapalooza

its wednesday, and three nights ago - on sunday august 4th, the last performance of the lollapalooza festival weekend had just wrapped up; a beautiful concert by the female pop queen Miss Ariana Grande.

music has basically always been a HUGE part of my life; ever since my cousins showed me the fateful X factor videos of one direction that they had no idea would spiral into an unhealthy obsession of many years with 5 british boys who will never know my name or face. but that story deserves a whole nuther post!

i simply cannot imagine what the world would be like without the power of music. it is on literally everywhere, in every store + restaurant, in every car you step into, and playing in the streets of crowded cities with every breath of air you take outside. music is so common and so present in life that the mere idea of silence drives me up a wall; i have no appreciation for silence and almost always need music at least in the background so that silence is not so haunting as i make it out to be. i am blessed to live in a generation where if i want to hear a song, its not like i need to haul my ass over to the jukebox and dig for coins to hear it; i can crack open my AirPods…. (soft flex) case and queue it up on spotify in like, 20 seconds. sorry, i cant hear you was that someone poor speaking? (kidding)  as i said, i hate silence so much even cleaning my room is too much for me without some track playing even if i have heard it 300 times over.

the trend and infatuation with celebrities that plays a huge role in our generation also plays into the concept of music, as now just hearing our favorite artists / records is not enough; we now have access to unlimited media about their lives and who they are as people. not only can we hear their story through the music, but through all that they are willing to share outside of the studio. the ease and accessibility i have today is something i try not to take for granted.

theres something about music that makes you feel connected… connected to something, for lack of better word. the release of serotonin (science fuck ya) that is initiated when u hear your favorite song or your favorite voice is literally a chemical release triggered by something that you love. your body functions and emotions are connected when it comes to music! i think its cool, if i am even explaining this concept right. but, aside from science; nothing beats the feeling in your stomach when your favorite song is blaring. for me, when i hear the intro to Freaky Friday or Mona Lisa i feel like a new woman and am ready to go absolutely apeshit. when i hear the intro to cough syrup or the climb, my heart drops so low and i feel emotions i didnt know i needed to feel. when Feeling Whitney by post malone comes on, the ex i never had runs through my mind; and even though i relate to about 5% of what Post sings about in that song, it feels so so undeniably real to me and like i can sympathize with him through his heartache. im rambling clearly, but the main point here is MUSIC! IS POWeRFUL! TO THE SOUL BAYBEEE

so, furthermore, to explain the title. this past weekend i attended the lollapalooza festival in chicago with my mf sisters, my best friends.  + thousands of more people willing to pay over $400 for the music - or the instagram - either resonates with me. i talk about the connection you can feel with music, and literally NOTHING can surpass the feeling of that connection LIVE; when the artists that you have been screaming in the car to work everyday are there with you on stage, singing the same lyrics you feel like you may as well have written yourself at this point. concerts are one of my favorite things to do, as few things can make me as happy as i am when the band emerges onto the stage to start the set and that first beat hits to make you feel at home. this sounds cheesy and dumb but i promise its JUST HOW I FEEL I MEAN CMON youre telling me you wouldnt get chills hearing the first note of Redbone by Childish Gambino live? youre wrong. ~and not only do you feel that connection with the artist. but the people who are watching and singing beside you. i LOVE the concept of being able to talk to the homies around me who are all here for the exact same reason; to see the artist up on that stage. literally they could be anywhere in the world; but they are at the same damn festival and sweating it out in the same damn heat, dehydrated for the same damn reason you are…… to connect with the voice behind the albums they have on repeat. it will never not amaze me that 100,000+ people all come to the same place to hear hundreds of artists for four days. thats a fuck ton! i met lots of cool people this weekend, and even if i only talked to them for 20 seconds EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION mattered to me. its the little things. i will take my brand of being a people person to my grave and i love talking to people…. even if its an awkward interaction that makes me pee of laughter on Halstead Ln on the sidewalk (thats a story for the books).

the best best best best thing about this trip is that i got to experience it with my MOFO BUDDIES!!!!! i love these girls so much and i know i don’t say it enough - but they truly do mean the world to me and i have no doubt that without them there is no way the experience would have been the same. these are the girls that can make me laugh, that can make fun of things we shouldn’t make fun of together, that can turn a bike ride home into a 15 minute rave, and can make something like braiding hair so much fun. getting ready together every morning was so much fun, and i wish i could wake up and pour glitter in my friends hair every day. id be the happiest person alive!! i am not kidding you when i say i laughed harder on this trip than i have in MONTHS! everything was so funny, and maybe that was the exhaustion or maybe its because we are all (self declared) crackheads at heart. either way, i love these people so much because they can make the most basic things into crazy fun memories that i will never forget about. that dunkin donuts on the corner of diversey + halstead? i will forever associate with the foolery that elisa and i got into with the employees who didnt speak english and our dumbasses who couldn’t hear well enough to communicate through the accents. every time i get in an uber ill probably have a flashback to one of the weird drivers we had who either 1) hated us or 2) offered to take us to a dispensary for weed bc she thought we were cool. THERE IS REALLY NO IN BETWEEN lol. there are a million and 1 memories about the dumbest shit that will only be funny to the 5+ of us. so im not gonna put them here, just know that if u ever ask me to grab you a slim jim theres a 90% chance i will collapse in laughter because of a dumb 2 minute interaction in an Indiana rest stop that sent us all into hysterics.

i feel like these words are a little all over the place, but after a summer full of a stress + a year full of college stress and building anxiety, i didnt know how much i needed lollapalooza. i didnt know that wristband would make me so happy and have as much of an impact on my life as it did. i didnt know when i bought the ticket that this may have been the best weekend of my life, in 19 years. i waited 19 years for this experience and i didnt even know that it was waiting on me. and thats one of the most beautiful parts of life - you never know what the next day brings so you might as well say fuck it and do what you want or it will never come.

see you next year lollapalooza, shoutout to my parents for trusting me to navigate chicago by myself and have a weekend that ill tell your grandkids about some day. thanks for trusting me enough not to take street molly at the EDM stage! even though the offer was tempting, i listened to what you and D.A.R.E taught me about taking questionable narcotics from strangers.

“if someone offered me molly right now id honestly take it”

elisa, abby, julia, + chloe: id do a n y t h i n g to go back to last wednesday when we began all this. i love u all so mucho xx

xoxoxoxoxooxoxo

sad tender gossip girl; currently listening to sweet music by HOZIER wus good ????

#lolla #music #friends #i #love #you