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fioras-resolve · 2 years

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it is kind of amazing, a lot of the most passionate ace attorney fans i see these days have gotten into it fairly recently, like after the series basically finished. the modern ace attorney fandom is largely a better one than what i saw back when the 3DS was the hot new thing.

maybe it's a different experience getting into the series now because the games are all out. i got into this series a decade ago when the original trilogy came out on the WII, so while i did have the entire DS era to appreciate, i had to experience dual destinies, spirit of justice, and the layton crossover as they came out, and they kind of had to stand as their own experiences. while the layton crossover came out in japan in 2012, we in the states had to wait another two years, after dual destinies came out.

and to me both of these games were like? fine? you know i had a fun time with them, and they're not bad mysteries, but they also didn't make me feel the way the original trilogy did. i played apollo justice back in 2012, then waited a year to find out its themes would get undermined in the next game. it took another three years for spirit of justice to come out and reveal that the series really is in a strange relationship with itself now. it gives us a new set of characters each game, a new game mechanic to enhance the trials and blur the mechanical focus the series once had, a new backstory for apollo justice instead of bothering to develop the plot threads that were established at this point 15 years ago.

(ugh) i don't mean to mean to be negative about the modern trilogy. it does have a lot of charm to it, and i'm actually more willing to defend spirit of justice than you might expect, but like. when you wait years for "pretty good, yeah" it starts to make you a bit jaded about the future of the series. i've chosen to believe that, since the last new game the series has gotten was in 2017, that there simply isn't a future. the series is done now, and i can make of that what i will.

but if you got into this series recently, you basically have the entire series to binge, and can do so as a full package. you get to see phoenix wright's growth over six games, his relationship with edgeworth, maya, the law as a whole, and you get to appreciate all the characters for what they are rather than anticipating what they could be. if you don't like the games, you can just play another one. or, hell, watch a longplay of it. it's probably a better experience because the trial design of JFA and T&T are fucked.

i'm excited for the future of the AA fandom, but i wonder what place i really have in it. i mean, i'm a game designer now, part of why i made those graphs was just to understand the mechanical design of the trials, what makes these things work or not work. but ace attorney is enjoyed as a story first and a video game second, and i can't bring myself to get passionate about the story anymore. these days i'm more often impressed by games than i am excited about them, and in general my mechanical analysis mind doesn't work well with the kind of fandom that is primarily about characters and relationships. i envy the modern ace attorney fandom.

at this point i've... i don't wanna "moved on," but it's more like "branched out." i've tried a lot of other mystery games! a few mobile ones, aviary attorney, ghost trick, her story, layton, socrates jones (which is fucking excellent by the way), and umineko, which is textually a game but not practically. i might try famicom detective club sometime? i dunno, i just like trying new things, because i love discovering ways that games can surprise me. maybe ace attorney 7 comes out and makes me reconsider all this. but, in the meantime, i'm glad to be here for what the ace attorney community has become

#ace attorney #god i missed making longform posts like this

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exileseverafter · 6 months

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The Author of Exiles Rereads All Of Exiles Published So Far

That's right, I did it. In preparation for Book 4, I started rereading something I started writing...like...ten years ago or something. And you know what? It's pretty good! Turns out I like my stuff!

Behind the cut are a lot of rambling thoughts on each book, along with anything I might have done differently. Mild spoilers, but mostly just authorial navel-gazing.

Book One thoughts: Hey, did you know that if you're making any kind of longform work you should consider taking notes on things like character hair/eye color and background details? And also, it's good to have a beta reader? Because I don't know if I had either at the time of book one! And there are sooo many little continuity errors I noticed! They aren't things you're likely to catch unless you're looking for them, but it makes me think I want to go back at some point and not rewrite book one entirely, but just edit it a little. Fix some errors. It's still solid, and I'm pretty sure me being the author is the only reason it kind of felt like that "Spot the Errors" episode of Garfield and Friends. (Side note: If you can find it on the web, please watch the Garfield and Friends episode "Mistakes Will Happen." It's one of the funniest things ever, with far too many jokes to catch in one viewing for something that predates the internet.)

Also, it turns out that if you try to read something by downloading it in PDF form off of AO3 and putting it on your phone via Kindle, it does unholy things to the formatting. So I do not recommend reading Exiles (or anything else) like that.

Errors aside, god, this was nostalgic. One reason I started this reread was to get back into the heads of the characters, and it all started coming back to me right away. I can go oh, there's where I figured out how this would end. That's when this first comes up. Neat! Also there are some genuine accidental foreshadowing bits that lead into book three, of all things.

Book Two thoughts: Wow, this is long. It's easily the longest of the three, and I'm not sure how well the pacing holds up in retrospect. I was very much writing as a "weekly serial" rather than a novel at this point, and it shows for better or worse. There are chapters where I can tell I was just trying to get something up. Did you know if you write something with regular updates, it's a good idea to have a backlog instead of just writing week to week?

That said, this is where I started to shake off the constraints of "everything must be rooted in some preexisting fairy tale" and I think that's for the best. I started pulling inspiration from 50s pulp sci fi, Little Shop of Horrors, what people in the 90s thought VR was going to be like, and buddy cop flicks. I was figuring out my gender at the time I introduced Rem Tera, and wanted a nonbinary character whose issues were not centered around what were Nonbinary Character Tropes at the time, i.e. 'figuring out nonbinary was a thing, explaining it to others, which bathroom to use, etc.'

I also like playing with scale in unusual ways, and one thing I wanted to lean into was how to create a threatening antagonist who was a few inches tall in a world where people came in giant size. It turns out the answer is 'give him some big monsters to command and scary levels of manipulative charisma.' Lord Germain, you are the worst but I am so proud of you.

Note: I think there may be a chapter missing from the original Jukepop posting. I'll try to go through and fix it soon.

Still also very happy with the final arc, even if the story does a bit of narrative water treading to get there. This book has the most 'quiet time' with the characters, and I think in the long run it helped me flesh out the relationships established in book one and the new ones forming in book two. Especially since book three is pretty story-heavy. Speaking of! Book Three thoughts: Wow, this is like post-timeskip One Piece where one thing just leads right into another. It's unsurprising, since a lot of the plot threads laid in books one and two really activate here. Libra and Valerian have a been a presence from the beginning and Blue was hinted at as far as the Moonflower Market. So yes, I was sitting on those for a while and happy to set them off here.

No Reflection is probably the most difficult original fic work I've written so far. To give you an example, I started it too soon after finishing Of Rot and Bloom and was stalled out for years afterwards. The good news is that like any creative project that isn't made of expiring materials, you can pick a story up at any time. One day I finally decided to ditch the chapter I was stuck on, write something else and start the ball rolling again.

And it worked! I finished it. More or less. There's something of a Nona the Ninth/Alecto the Ninth "book 3 and 4 are part of a piece" feeling to the end of Book Three, but I do try to end on at least a climactic element. There are just a lot more cliffhangers this time around.

Man, I'm mean to Basil in this book and this isn't even his book! Poor guy is gonna have it rough in Book Four.

ALSO, there are at least two missing chapters, and they're important ones that reveal major plot elements. In fact, one is right in the climax. I need to fix that ASAP. Presumably AO3 lets you insert chapters? I'll figure out how.

So, what does this mean for Book Four? It means it's definitely happening, though I don't want to say it's happening immediately. Maybe after the New Year. I have some chapters prewritten for Book Four I want to revise, and this time I'm making sure I have a healthy backlog and a plot outline worked out.

For everyone who's read any part of Exiles, thanks so much for supporting me thus far! I really appreciate it. Wouldn't be able to keep up this much enthusiasm without you. And if you're thinking of writing (or drawing, or animating) your own original thing, my advice is just to do it! Just jump in. Yeah, it won't be perfect, but you'll learn by doing, and an imperfect story that exists is always better than the idealized one trapped in your head.

#The Exiles Ever After #cornet stuff #writing stuff

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yukinojou · 3 years

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I already squeed quite a bit on Twitter, but turns out my Shadow and Bone thoughts demand longform. So that was a 40+ tweet thread or using my Tumblr for an original post for once.

I was wary about the Shadow and Bone adaptation the way I'm usually wary about good books being adapted onscreen. It was amplified because my actual favourites are the Six of Crows books, and because the American-based movie complex has a bad track record of doing anything based on Eastern Europe. 8 episodes in 3 days should tell you how much I loved it - the moment I finished, I wanted more.

First, the technical praise:

Damn but the plotting is tight. It took me a while to realised it's based on heist movie bones, where every little thing (The Freaking Bullet!) is important. The story fulfills its promises and manages not to bore at the same time - it delights by the way they're fulfilled. I called out a few plot developments moments before they happened, and I was happy about it. Such a joy after so many series where "not doing what viewers expect" led to plot holes and lack of sense. It might be an upside to the streaming model after all.

From a dramatic point of view I can tell all the reasons for all the changes, especially providing additional outsider points of view on Ravka (Crows) and letting viewers see Mal for themselves the way he only comes across in later books.

Speaking of which, this is a masterclass in rewriting a story draft. SaB was Bardugo's first, and having read later books you can really see where she didn't quite dare to break the YA rules yet, especially Single POV that necessitated a tight focus on Alina's often negative feelings rather than the big picture and a triangle that felt a bit forced. The world in the series is so much bigger, the way Bardugo could finally paint it when SaB success gave her more creative freedom, and some structural choices feel familiar too. It's a combination of various choices by crew and cast, but the end result meshes together so tightly and naturally.

Visuals! Especially the war parts because Every Soviet Movie Ever, but also the clothes (I would kill for Nina's blouse in the bar), the jewelry, the interiors. The stag was so very beautiful. And a deep commitment to a coherent aesthetic for each character and setting.

Look, you can do a serious fantasy series with colours! Both skin colours and bright sets and clothing! And all scenes were well lit enough to know what's going on, even in the Fold!

Representation (aka I Am Emotion)

To start with: I was born behind the Iron Curtain, in the last years of the Cold War. The Curtain was always permeable to some extent, and we have always been aware that while we have talented artists of our own, we never had the budgets and polish of the Anglosphere Entertainment Machine. So we watched a hell of a lot of American visual storytelling especially because yeah, you can tell we don't have the budgets. 90s and 2000s especially, it's getting better now.

In American stories, the BEST case scenario for Eastern European representation is the Big Dumb Pole, the ethnic stereotype Americans don't even notice they use, where the punchline is that his English is bad or that he grew up outside Anglo culture. Other than that, it's criminals, beggars, sex trafficking victims, refugees. Sure, we may look similar (except we really really don't, not if you're raised here and see the distinct lack of all those long-jawed Anglo faces), but we are not and have never been the West, never mind America. It's probably better for younger people now, but I was raised under rationing and passport bans. Star Trek and Beverly Hills 90210 were exactly as foreign to me.

The first ever character I really identified with was Susan Ivanova in Babylon 5 (written by J. Michael Straczynski, yay behind-camera representation). This was a Russian Jewish woman very much in charge, in the way of strong women I know so well, not taking any bullshit, not repressing her feminity. I recognised her bones, she could be my cousin. The sheer relief of it. There have been few such occasions since.

The reason I picked up Shadow and Bone in the first place was recommendations from other Polish people. I've had no problems finding representation in Eastern European books because wow our scene is strong in SFF especially, but it's always a treat to find a book in English that gets it. And Leigh gets it, the bones of our culture, and I could even look past the grammar issue (dear gods and Americans, Starkova for a woman, Morozov for a guy) that really irked me because of the love for the setting and the characters, the weaving in of religion/mysticism (we never laicisized the same way as the West, natch), the understanding of how deep are the scars left in a nation at war for centuries. The books are precious to me, they and Arden's Winternight and Novik's Spinning Silver.

To sum up: Shadow and Bone the Netflix series gets it. You can tell just how much they've immersed themselves in Eastern European culture and media, it comes across so well in visuals and writing and characters. Not just the obvious bits (though the WWII propaganda posters gave me a giggle), but the palaces, the additional plotlines and characters, the costumes, the attitudes. About the only thing missing in the soldier scenes was someone singing and/or quoting poetry.

I will blame the Apparat's lack of beard on filming in a non-Orthodox country. Poland's Catholic too, but I very much imagined him as an Orthodox patriarch, possibly because I read the books shortly after a visit to Pecherska Lavra in Kiev and the labyrinthine holy catacombs there. Small quibble, not my religion, not my place to speak.

(I've seen discussion on the issues with biracial representation in the show, which is visceral and apparently based on bad experiences of one of the show writers in a way that's caused pain to other Asian and biracial people. I'm not qualified to speak on those parts, other that Eastern Europe is... yeah. Racist in subtly different ways. If anything, the treatment of the Suli as explained in Six of Crows always read so very true of the way Roma are treated, and even sanitised.)

And now for the spoiler-filled bits:

Kaz and Inej. I mean... just THEM. So many props to the actors, the writers, the bloody goat.

I adore the fact the only people who get to have sex in the show are Jesper and a very lucky stablehand.

Ben Barnes needs either an award or a kick. The man's acting choices and puppy eyes are as epic as his hair.

So Much Love for Alina initiating the kiss. Her book characterisation makes sense, she's so trapped in her own head because she has no time to process everything that's happening, but grabbing life by the lapels is a much more active choice. Still not making the relationship equal, but closer to it.

Speaking of, Kaz's constant awareness of how unequal his relationship with Inej is, and attempts to give her agency. I'm really curious how his touch issues come across to someone who doesn't know the backstory there.

Feodor and his actor. He looks exactly like the pre-war heartthrob Adolf Dymsza, a specific upper-class Polish ethnic type that's much rarer now that, well, Nazis killed millions of Polish intellectuals in their attempt to reduce us to unskilled labour only. The faces he makes are the Best.

Nina!! Nina is perfect, those cheekbones, that cheek, I was giggling myself silly half the time. I cannot wait to see Danielle Galligan take on the challenge of Nina's plotline in Six of Crows and Crooked Kingdom, she'll kill us dead.

I already mentioned that the writers fixed Mal's absence from the first book, but Mal in general! The haircut gives him a kind of rugby charm, and Archie Renaux is outstanding at emoting without talking. Honestly, all the casting in this series is inspired, but him in particular.

Extra bonus: Howard Charles and Luke Pasqualino playing so very much against the type of the swaggering Musketeers I saw them play last. Arken dropping the mask at the end... Howard Charles is love.

I can't believe not only was Milo's bullet a plot point, but the fact Alina was wearing a particularly sparkly hair ornament in a long series of beautiful hair ornaments was a plot point.

In conclusion: so much love, and next three season NOW please. Okay, give me a week to reread the books, and an extra day because new Murderbot drops tomorrow...

#shadow and bone #six of crows #shadow and bone meta

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lunatic-fandom-space · 3 years

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Im about to finally watch that NC review of The Wall after watching a bunch of videos about it and Im just gonna put my thoughts during it in this post

Okay I just checked this review has 85k dislikes, 22k likes and 1.5 million views Im scared

I also havent watched actually watched The Wall btw, but I did watch Folding Ideas video if that helps

Oh god I really liked NC in like 2019 and even the beginning of 2020 and his greeting is giving me vietnam flashbacks

I hate Dougs voice already

Okay a bunch of shit is happening

Now theyre just showing clips from the original movie but as a horrible montage with fire edited over it

Dougs face makes me uncomcortable and I hate looking at it

Hes singing again goddamnit

Thank god, an ad

He stopped singing again thank god

What the fuck is that

I hate those giggles theyre awful

Why is Doug Walker a vampire

The costuming is straight up awful what is the budget on this

The cg is so bad and outdated why did they even bother

What are these dance moves

Theyre mentioning twitter now???

I just watched that 3 musical minute sequence and I have no idea what Doug is even trying to say

He spat out a bird? Huh??

What

Bro the animation is so bad

This would literally be completely incoherent without the on the nose lyrics

"So long Oscar-bait song/smoke a bong and it'll feel less wrong" bro what

I havent even watched the fucking movie and even I know hes missing the point, how did I ever think his reviews were good

I didnt not need to see Doug Walker wailing about being Jesus while shirtless in front of badly edited stockphoto water

What is that

His acting is so bad and I still hate his face

Im not even halfway through

I just wanna go back to working on my AU while watching actually good longform reviews

I cant even read the comments bc I wanna focus on the review itself I hate it here

This frame is very blue. I love the color, but its kinda out of place and was probably not done on purpose

What now

What

Why

I wanna commit crimes

Have I mentioned that I hate looking at Dougs face

That was, without exageration, the worst sponsor Ive ever seen

ITS NOT OVER???

I too call the people I am writing a love letter to whiny and pretentious

Oh god

What in the world

I didnt think it was possible but Dougs singing voice just got worse

Dude they drew on his head with like, marker or something and I can see it smudge

He got all these people and all these props and had these wholeass songs written but he couldnt even brush his fucking teeth before going on Youtube

Okay theyre doing a full on twitter song

What is this shit

This is the most boomer centrist thing I have ever seen in my life

What the fuck was that

The eye imagery going on is geniuienly very unsettling and kind of disorienting but I cant really appreciate it bc its just so bad

What is that

AND AD THANK GOD

Back to the bullshit

What is that

The greenscreen looks so bad

Only 11 minutes lets fucking gooooooo

Doug Walker standing in that hallway doing a power stance is my new sleep paralasis demon

Dude what are they even doing

What is that squirrel thing on this random guys counter

I dont understand whats going on

What in the world is that furry nightmare squirrel in the studio

Why is the edgy cowboy furry OC lecturing me about The Arts

I legimately cant understand most of the words being said and I have no idea if its because my brain has been fried or because they just went with the first take of every line

This part of the review is usually praised as "the best part" so Im both intrigued and really scared

Oh god its another furry OC

Okay I actually quite like the design of the grey furry with the big hat and six arms I just really hate the way he moves, I think it would look better as a static model or preferably a 2d drawing

Another Ad!

I also like the black one with the white horns and red accents

Okay what the fuck is that

I mean the one with the way too many antlers is a bit better than the one before it but it looks like the designer kinda gave up at this point

This feels like an acid trip but in the worst way

I think this is the first thing Ive seen that had a dragon in it, that didnt make it better at all

I mean. i guess this is very impressive but why

I feel like every single voice actor for these creatures recorded the lyrics with a completely different mic

Hey, what the fuck

Well this sure is all happening

What

"Well, the movie ended on such an open vagueness that it only makes sense the the review end on such an open vagueness" hey fuckface, thats not how reviews work

Thank you musician guy who had no lines up until now (I think his name was Corey??)

All of this bullshit and for WHAT

Theyre singing the spongebob squarepants theme song

These 30 seconds where the most I enjoyed myself consecutively during this entire 40 minute video

I dont know how, but Doug Walker somehow manages to stay unlikeable even while hes shouting out a charity that probably does wonderful work

In conclusion, there is a total of 5 Things I Enjoyed in this 40 minute review:

That gray furry with the hat and six arms

That black furry with the horns and red accents and eyes

The shade of blue during that one very blue shot

The spongebob squarepants theme

Apparently Griff Taylor (the son of the musician guy, Corey Taylor) is a fan of NC for some reason and his dad pretty much did this for him, and I can appreciate that on some level

#live blogging #ig #review ig #idk what to tag this as #channel awesome #nostalgia critic

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bubbyleh · 4 years

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I See La Vie en Rose - Chapter 9

hey there! quick update. chapter 10 IS posted on ao3, but it won’t be getting a tumblr mirror because it’s not really plot stuff, just stupid things i wanted to share. so follow the link on my blog if you want to check that out, or just tune back in for chapter 11 instead

Chapter 9: The Reckoning

Tommy gawks at the destruction wrought upon the pavilion, and without thinking he brings his hands to cover his mouth. Never in all his life has he seen his home so damaged. Some pillars are missing entire chunks! A few of the scorch marks are still smoking!

Where is everyone?

Drawing in a deep breath, Tommy places two fingers in his mouth and whistles as loud as he can.

Sure enough, it takes a bit, but Sunkist comes running from the direction of his house. The first trick Tommy ever taught her, and it still works like a charm! He’s never been so relieved to see her before, at least until she tackles him to the ground with licks.

“Ow,” Tommy whimpers out, feeling the pain in his bruised shoulders.

Sunkist seems to recognize his discomfort, but she keeps sniffing his face. Yeah, she can definitely tell his nose is fucked.

“Oh, Sunkist,” Tommy sits up and hugs her. “You would- you won’t believe what happened down there today.”

“Tommy?”

He breaks away from Sunkist, and holy shit, Bubby doesn’t look good. He’s very clearly just stumbled in, leaning on one of the intact pillars for support. Tommy almost cries out for him, but Bubby cuts him off.

“I thought I heard you call for Sunkist,” he continues. “What the hell are you doing back here?”

In an instant, Tommy goes from concerned for his family’s well-being to seeing red.

“What- what am I doing!?” Tommy places a hand on his chest, offended beyond belief. He struggles to push himself up with his other arm, the thrumming pain causing him to wobble slightly, but he does stand. “What have you guys been doing?! I’ve been- I’ve been trying to get in contact with you all afternoon!”

Bubby narrows his eyes at Tommy, and for a split second he glances behind himself, back towards Benrey and Gordon’s home.

“Where’s the kid?” he asks, as if noticing for the first time Joshua isn’t present.

“He, uh. Darnold’s watching him.” Tommy frowns. Well, now that he knows things are somewhat okay up here, he turns back to his dog. “Actually, Sunkist? Could you- could you head down and keep an eye on them f-for me?” He’d appreciate something divine watching over them for a bit.

Sunkist barks in response, trotting into the Viewing Pool. She disappears with a flash, and Tommy feels like he has one less thing to worry about.

Before Tommy can ask a single question, Bubby has already turned around, gesturing for him to follow. Catching up, Tommy notices that Bubby’s legs are stiff as he walks, as if he has to mentally will them to bend.

“What- Bubby, what happened?” Tommy asks.

Bubby sighs. “Come on. I’m sure everyone is gonna want to see you.”

Wow, this is a whole new level of brushing off! Bubby’s not addressing the fact that wherever he looks, Tommy sees signs of a fight in the place he’s known as home his whole life. He really didn’t think it could get this bad.

But then again, what was Tommy supposed to think? They never told him anything.

They make it to Gordon and Benrey’s house, the door to which Bubby pushes open without knocking. Tommy almost calls him rude for it, but then he catches sight of the scene inside.

Coomer is immediately on Bubby, lecturing him for sneaking out while he’s so fragile. Tommy spies his dad in the corner, his gaze focused intently on the couch. And on that couch sits Benrey, Gordon passed out and laying in his lap. All of them look roughed up.

“Stop, Harold.” Bubby pushes his fretting husband’s hands away. “I’m fine, see?” He pauses, for the briefest of moments. “Look who I found.”

And just like that, everyone’s attention is turned to Tommy in the doorway. But Tommy’s stuck on the one person who can’t look at him, his thoughts going a mile a minute. ‘Gordon isn’t moving why isn’t he moving is he okay what happened-’

A pair of hands squish his face, and Tommy realizes it’s his dad. He’s looking down at him with such a sad look, and Tommy’s not sure if it’s intentional, but he stands right in front of him, blocking his view.

“Oh, oh dear, Tommy,” Gman says. “What happ..ened to your, nose?”

Tommy’s stunned expression turns to a glare. “Wh- my nose!? You want- you want to talk about my nose?!”

Gman obviously wasn’t expecting a hostile reaction to that, releasing his son’s face and backing away. It does little to calm Tommy.

“Do you- you have any idea how worried I’ve been!?” Tommy shouts. “You weren’t answering anything! And I come back, and- and everything is fucked up, and you’re just- just pretending nothing happened!?”

Bubby and Coomer no longer meet his eyes, but Gman just stares. Tommy continues, “Did- did any of you even check your phones!? I fucking fought a Skeleton today, and it-” All of Tommy’s fury vasnishes in an instant. Just remembering the empty feeling he got looking into that thing’s eye sockets is enough to twist his stomach. “It- s-so much about that was- it tried something-”

Tommy’s legs give out. He can feel his father by his side, holding onto him, and he thinks Coomer is there too. But his head is racing and he’s gripping at it as though he could slow it down somehow. “It- it was so cold, and everything was- was moving except me, and I couldn’t think, and if it wasn’t for-”

“It tried to possess you, bro,” Benrey finally speaks up. “Same as what it did to Gordon.” He runs a hand through Gordon’s hair.

Tommy blinks. “W-what?”

“I mean, I guess the… the cat’s out of the bag, or whatever.” Benrey sighs. “Skeletons possess people. Us mostly.”

“You’re- you’re joking?”

Bubby, who’s taken to leaning on one of the walls, shakes his head. “He isn’t.”

“Perhaps this conversation is best saved for when our friend over there wakes up, hm?” Coomer points at Gordon.

It takes Tommy a moment to process it all. ‘When Gordon wakes up.’ His dad pulls him to his chest, and making sure that he avoids his nose, Tommy presses into him with his forehead. He’s searching for a word, something he’s feeling, and then he realizes it’s trusted.

He feels trusted.

☆○☆○☆

“Your nose looks fucked,” Benrey comments from across the kitchen table. Coomer had convinced him to abandon his vigil over Gordon in favor of getting something to eat, but so far all he had done was make a few tonedeaf remarks Tommy’s way.

“Uh-huh,” Tommy responds, more preoccupied with his phone.

Darnold ♡: Wait they don’t know that I know?

Tommy: I’m not sure how to tell them???

Darnold ♡: I mean, it sounds like you’ve done enough “telling” for today Darnold ♡: So maybe don’t?

Tommy: Yeah? Then what? Tommy: They’re gonna be teasing you next time you meet!! :(

Darnold ♡: Well that just makes THEM look stupid, right?

Whatever stupid thing Benrey is about to say next is interrupted by a groan from the next room over. They both meet eyes, before scrambling out of the kitchen.

Tommy: Oh hang on Gordon’s awake!!!!!! :D

Benrey beats Tommy by a longshot, sliding to his knees in front of the couch and pulling Gordon into a hug. This only serves to agitate him.

“Ugh, Benrey!” Gordon complains, and it’s the most emotion Tommy’s heard from Gordon in a week. He almost cries.

Benrey isn’t deterred, only hugs Gordon tighter as he begins to ramble. “I’m so sorry I didn’t notice I should have seen it I’m sorry Gordon I’m so sorry-”

Gordon sits up, Benrey still clutching him like a koala and apologizing. He barely seems to register it, though, instead bringing a hand to his head and wincing. “My head is fucking killing me,” he mumbles.

“We’re all hurting, asshole, get in line,” Bubby snarks. He’s sitting with his legs crossed on the other side of the room.

Coomer, who had previously been sitting next to Bubby, has made his way to the couch. He places a hand on Gordon’s back and smiles at him. “Welcome back to the land of the living, Gordon!”

Tommy can’t help it anymore. With a wide smile he jumps onto the couch next to Gordon, pulling him (and by extension Benrey) into a hug. “Thank- thank goodness you’re okay!” And yup, Tommy can definitely feel himself crying now, but he doesn’t really care! Gordon’s back!

Having gotten a few more of his faculties in order, Gordon starts to realize that things aren’t exactly normal. Like, for example, everyone around him is injured to varying degrees. “What- why do you guys look like shit?” he asks.

Benrey still hasn’t broken out of his longform apology to make any stunning rebuttals, so Tommy just answers him. “I got- I got punched in the face by a Skeleton,” he nods.

“Holy shit, Tommy,” Gordon actually processes his appearance for the first time. “Is that broken? I can-” He worms his hand out from the hug mess, and before Tommy can protest that he really shouldn’t be using his powers right now, the pain in his face is gone in a flash.

Sometimes it pays to be friends with a god with a minor healing domain. Not when he heals you instead of resting like he should be doing, but other, more fun times.

Tommy gasps. “Gordon! No! You should- you shouldn’t be blessing people, right now!”

“I also got punched in the face by a Skeleton!” Bubby points at his bruised cheek. “The Skeleton was just inside Gordon.”

Oh. Well. He just said it, didn’t he?

“The… the what?” Gordon questions, clearly distressed.

“B-Bubby!” Tommy yells at him. “Why did you say that!?”

“What? We’re sharing things today!” Bubby gestures to himself. “I, for one, would want someone to tell me if I punched them like that!”

“The Skeleton was… inside me?” Gordon stammers out. Slowly, Tommy slinks his arms away from him, and he can see Benrey doing the same.

Gman steps in. “What Bubby, is. Saying, is that. You’ve been, possess...ed, by a. Skeleton, for a whole week.”

“What?! No, they- they can do that!?” Gordon shouts. Tommy thinks he’s about two seconds away from having to stop Gordon from pulling his own hair, when…

“They did it to me.”

Tommy hadn’t expected Benrey to speak up again, not since he revealed the fact Skeletons could possess people in the first place. But here he was, staring straight down at the ground, sitting on his hands.

“Um, we… We knew the Skeletons and their cult were bad for a long time,” Benrey continues. “But we didn’t… know. How bad.” He sighs, looking towards Tommy and Gordon. “I think if we told you guys, probably wouldn’t suck as much as it has. You wouldn’t have been hurt, Gordon.”

Gman places a hand on his son’s back as Benrey talks. Bubby has found his way back to Coomer’s side. All of them have grim expressions on their face, listening to a story to which they know the ending.

“So, uh. Two-thousands years ago. I went down to look at them, and they-” Benrey scratches the side of his face. “I don’t remember much after that, but they got me.”

Benrey draws his knees to his chest. “They made me do a lot of things. I didn’t… World got- got fucked. Society two time, second one didn’t like magic so much.”

Things suddenly start making a lot more sense. It’s like a missing puzzle piece gets clicked into place in Tommy’s mind, or a lightswitch gets turned on, or something like that. They haven’t been hiding this out of malice, or messing with the new guys, it was-

Gordon reaches out, grabbing onto one of Benrey’s hands. He cups his husband’s face gently, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Hey, Benrey, look at me,” he whispers. “It’s okay. I’m here, you’re safe.” Benrey launches forward, clinging onto Gordon, and Gordon holds him.

It was fear.

Tommy turns to the others. He has a feeling Benrey is done talking. “But… but why didn’t they do anything this time?” he asks them. “If- if they wanted to destroy things, why wait?”

“Well Tommy, if I had to guess,” Coomer hypothesizes. “We were able to knock Benrey back to normal relatively easily last time, as well as pummel the Skeletons we did find to the ground. Perhaps they wanted to weaken us from the inside before attempt number two?”

Goodness, this is a lot for Tommy to process right now. A societal-wide reckoning caused by the possession of one of his dearest friends? It’s a little much. He leans back on the couch. Damn it, this must be what Darnold felt like earlier.

“Wait a second,” Gordon suddenly pipes up. “Where the fuck is Joshua?”

Tommy pulls out his phone. “He’s with Darnold. He knows what’s been going on, we’ve been texting. It’s fine.”

“Oh, good,” Gordon sighs, but then he changes his tune. “Wait, he KNOWS?!”

#hlvrai #half life vr but the ai is self aware #sodashipping #somewhat darnold's a little missing in this chapter #he's fine #god au #my writing #i see la vie en rose #hlvrai gods au

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oh-great-authoress · 4 years

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For the Star Wars asks: 3, 14, and 38?

O God in Heaven Help Me, @the-coruscanti-blogger, these are so hard, but. Okay. *rubs hands together* Let’s do this.

I’m so sorry if it’s a little chaotic!

3. Favorite Character from the Prequels

*sighs* This is a hard question for me. Reaaaaallllly hard. I will answer with one, but I must add my next two favorite Prequel Era characters because I feel it would be wrong not to, that’s how much I like them.

Obi-Wan Kenobi

Anakin Skywalker (I’m sorry your no. 1 is my no. 2! 🥺)

Asajj Ventress (technically she’s from TCW, but it’s still the same time period, so…)

14. If I Could Change One Two (technically three) Thing(s) About the Star Wars Universe, What Would it They Be?

Let’s make it two(ish). Asajj Ventress (I would have loved to see her helping out the galaxy when she could, being an awesome Gray Jedi, you know? It would’ve been so cool) and Ben Solo would live, and somehow, I don’t know, the seven traditional forms of Jedi lightsaber dueling would be revived.

38. Fic Recommendations (this was the easiest one for me.)

Mission Report by Ruth Baulding

This is amazingly hilarious. This was one of the first Star Wars fics I ever read. It’s Anakin and Obi-Wan writing a report for the Jedi Council. That’s it.

Live Broadcast by Ruth Baulding

Anakin and Obi-Wan from the point of view of a holo-jockey on a Separatist-annexed planet. It involves a lot of comedy, and it’s really good.

You Shall Become (Me) by Jedipati

How to describe this? This is AU comedy gold. Let me just use the author’s own summary, because their words are the best. “The Guardian of the Sith Temple doesn't particularly care for the new breed of Sith, for all that they've been around for 1,000 years. But they're the only Sith the Guardian knows about. Until one day… Alternately, "How to accidentally join the Sith without really trying."”

Quintessence by Mathematica

This shifts POV from Anakin and Obi-Wan to that of the Jedi Council as The Team reports to them about their latest mission.

Essence of Amity by Above the Winter Moonlight

Inspired by the previous fic, Anakin and Obi-Wan are assigned to a diplomatic mission somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, and everything possible goes wrong for the Master and Padawan.

Canzonet by Pyxelle

This is more Obi centric but this is worth the read. Ani and Obi are sent to a planet to mediate a dispute. The problem is, the inhabitants of the planet cannot understand spoken language, they only understand singing.

(I have a thing for comedy featuring The Team 🤣)

Now for something more serious. I know you said that you wouldn’t stop Anakin from turning because then we wouldn’t get Darth Vader — and I also love Darth Vader, but this next fic is so amazing, I’m pretty sure you might (almost) not miss Darth Dadakin.

When Darkness Seems to Hide This Place by IllyanaA

This AU has it all, Skeevy Sheevy being Skeevy and EVIL, spectacular adventures and skin-of-their-teeth rescues, Ani & Obi being bad*ss, honest and open about their emotions, and being the best brothers to ever brother, Anakin being an Amazing Dad, Awesome Ahsoka, nuanced side characters, and a not-dead Asajj Ventress. This is a 50 chapter epic, but I’m telling you, once you start this one, you’ll have a hard time stopping.

Rise, Lord Kenobi by LilyWanKenobi

This is an AU Obitine where Obi-Wan is the heir to the Stewjonian leadership, and as the heir, he is called upon to fulfill his duties upon his father’s death.

The Height of Subtlety by WinterSky101

Bail hosts Padmè, Anakin and Obi-Wan for a dinner party at his place, and no, there are no secret couples in this group, no siree!

One of my jams is Leia makes up with Dad fics, so these are a few:

Father and Daughter by Morwen Tindomerel This references some events from Legends but it’s still quite in canon up to now.

gunpowder and shades of grey by irnan This fic uses the Legends names of Leia’s children, just so you know.

Restless Warrior by Aria Saralyn This is a oneshot longform masterwork. This must be read.

Darkness by Firefly Alchemist After Ben Solo turns to the Dark Side, Anakin comforts his daughter.

Interview With A Sith Lord by KaelinaLovesLomaris

This fic shows that there was more to Captain Piett’s promotion to Admiral than met the eye.

These following fics use the Legends Canon, and these fics by the same author, frodogenic, are so incredibly good that I had to put these on here. It’s an AU fic series that all hinges on the idea that instead of bodily picking up Skeevy Sheevy in RotJ, he used the Force instead to yeet him into the reactor. Luke and Anakin decided to deal with everything else later because the Death Star was about to blow and they have to get out of there. In this ‘verse, Anakin is able to return to the Executor which was still intact because Admiral Piett was able to raise the shields in time for her to avoid her bridge being blown to pieces. However, despite that, her navigation computers have been completely damaged and so, with seconds to spare, they hightail it out of Endor only to land in the Unknown Regions. These fics pick up twenty-some years after RotJ, and are spectacular in their scale. The feels and the snark and the humor are strong with these. You will have emotions in some parts, and want to bust a gut laughing in others. I know I did.

Meet the Skywalkers While this is technically the first in the series, this one is the latest story in the AU. The author is slow to update, but it’s really, really worth every single wait.

Lord Vader’s Limpet Darth Dadakin babysits one of his grandsons.

Driving Lord Vader Anakin Solo goes to the Space DMV to get his license. Only catch? Grandpa’s the one taking him there. From there, it gets funnier, and heartfelt by the end.

Four Letters, Starts With L Luke gets hurt while being all Jedi Master-y and Dad comes to visit him in the hospital. So sweet, it’s cavity inducing.

Late Afternoon by camweasley

Post-TRoS fic. Ben comes when he can.

we’ll sit and talk the stars down from the sky by catefrankie (tumblr is @catefrankie if you’re interested)

Post-TRoS fic. It’s still a dance with them, if not a more simple one. It’s still complicated though.

Catharsis by KCMarsala

This is TRoS fix-it fic with sass, sads and laughs.

Hope May Vanish, But Can Die Not by DancingInTheStorm (@enthusiasticallyobessed)

A TLJ Luke study with a beautiful and touching appearance from Anakin.

I have so many more, but I wanted to keep things short (hah) so I will end it here, but not before I recommend…

Would it be so bad if I recommended my own fic, Gray Guardian?

It’s an AU focused on Force Ghost! (ish. You’ll see) Asajj Ventress, basically being young Jedi Initiate Ben Solo’s Guardian Angel. Jedi Master/Uncle Luke’s there too, along with a lot of Anakin (father and son feels), and Obi-Wan (he gets lots of brotherly feels with Anakin too and a lot of feels in general), with guest stars Yoda and Qui-Gon. It features a bestest frenemies forevership with Asajj and Obi-Wan, and a Reylo Endgame.

Please let me know if you read any of these and your thoughts about them, and please don’t hesitate to ask me for more fic recs, or more questions from that ask page!

If any of the links don’t work, just let me know, and I’ll fix them!

God bless you, and stay safe and healthy!

Nadia

#star wars #star wars asks #fic rec #the coruscanti blogger

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solatgif · 5 years

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THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY: WEEKEND ROUNDUP FOR SEPTEMBER 6, 2019

Labor Day has always marked the end of summer for me. Here is a hopeful look in the form of a summer road trip from Judd Birdsall, managing director of the Cambridge Institute on Religion & International Studies at Clare College, Cambridge, for the Washington Post: We are American evangelicals raising our family in England. Here’s what we saw when we drove across the U.S.

With school in session: Where Does Affirmative Action Leave Asian-Americans? This is a longform article by Jay Caspain Kang for The New York Times Magazine on how “a high-profile lawsuit against Harvard is forcing students and their families to choose sides.”

Today we launched our Thank God It’s Friday Newsletter so you can get our TGIF weekend roundups delivered straight to your inbox. Subscribe today to receive our second issue next Friday. And if you have any links or recommendations to share, please tweet me @musicgoon or email me at [email protected].

LINK ROUNDUP

1. Patti Withers: Once Abused by the Church, Now I Love the Church

The supremacy of Christ over sexual harassment, spiritual absue, a cult-like church, and an abusive pastor.

2. Thomas Hwang: What’s It Like to be a Lead Pastor?

SOLA editorial board member Thomas Hwang writes on his personal blog. “A few months ago, I transitioned from an associate ministry to begin a new chapter in the lead role. This was a crazy turn of events that will one day make for a fun, interesting story to write about. During this season, I’ve discovered that this transition is far more challenging than anything I’ve ever experienced. But like parenting, there doesn’t seem to be a lot of material out there explaining what this transition is like.”

3. Rebecca Sun: 'Crazy Rich Asians' Co-Writer Exits Sequel Amid Pay Disparity Dispute

Rebecca Sun is the senior reporter at The Hollywood Reporter. She tweets, “I worked very hard on this story because it gets to the heart of a deeper, more nuanced level of consideration about inclusion and equity in the industry, and how value is assigned to creative contributions. Getting into the room (i.e. hiring) is step one.”

4. Hannah Nation and EF Gregory: Love from the Margins: Lessons from 4 Pastors in China

The Gospel Coalition interviews four Chinese house church pastors and presents a compelling testimony of what we can learn from the Chinese church.

WEEKEND RECOMMENDATIONS

1. Hanley Liu: Salvation Is More Important Than Success

In this 6-minute sermon excerpt from FCBC Walnut, Pastor Hanley Liu explains how the most important thing is not the success of your children, but the salvation of your children. “It is never too late to call your kids and show them why the most important thing in life is Jesus Christ and him crucified. Because when you understand that, you understand everything.” Pastor Hanley serves as a member of the SOLA Council.

2. Trillia Newbell: Division Between Younger and Older Women

FTC.co asks Trillia Newbell, Director of Community Outreach at the ERLC, "What keeps younger and older women divided in the church?" Watch her respond in this less than 2-minute video clip.

3. Tabletalk: A Field Guide from the Abyss

“The September issue of Tabletalk considers the many ways that Satan attempts to tear down the church, and presents these attempts creatively in the form of a training manual for demons.”

4. Won Kwak: Throwing In The Towel As A Pastor

“We asked Won Kwak, ‘When are you most tempted to throw in the towel as a pastor?’”

5. Aaron Lee: Book Reviews

This week I reviewed Richard Dawkins, C. S. Lewis and the Meaning of Life and Fearfully and Wonderfully: The Marvel of Bearing God’s Image.

FROM SOLA

1. Oh Young Kwon: Opening the Gates Between Rich and Poor

“My Korean-immigrant church is in Lincoln Heights, a community once marred by gang violence and generational poverty. The church prides itself as one of the first Korean-immigrant churches in America. However, the church itself doesn’t reflect the surrounding community, which is predominantly Latinx and African-American. Needless to say, interactions between the church community and the surrounding neighborhood are minimal at best, non-existing to be fair.”

2. Joseph Lee: How to be an Authentic and Appealing Church for Gen Z

“Forging an authentic relationship with Gen Z-ers might seem like an uphill battle for many pastors. We fear to have this authentic relationship with our students because we are afraid that our students might ‘shoo’ us off or outright ignore us. While we may think that Gen Zers are completely alien, they are actually quite similar to the Millennials than we ever thought.”

3. P. J. Tibayan: I’ve Graduated, Now What? 3 Steps to Finding Your Place In the Church

“So how do we transition well from following Jesus as a college student to following Jesus post college? The difficulty of transitioning can be a confusing or paralyzing discouragement. We go to church gatherings on Sundays and feel out of place and confused on how to embrace the new normal. But college grads who had just been immersed in college ministry don't have to be paralyzed by this transition.”

4. Thank God It’s Friday: Weekend Roundup

In case you missed it, here are some headlines from last week: From Gay to Gospel: The Fascinating Story of Becket Cook, I Was a Violent Klansman Who Deserved to Die, An Uneven Playing Field: The Complex Educational Experiences of Asian Americans, and Won Kwak on What Others May Not Know About Asian Believers.

5. SOLA: TGIF Subscription

Get our weekly TGIF weekend roundups delivered straight to your inbox for free. Subscribe today so you never miss out.

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the-domestication-of-the-dog · 7 years

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The 7th Annual L.A.O.K. Awards

Had a goal to break 100 new releases this year. Happy to report that I reached my goal--watching The Angry Birds Movie on Netflix in the process--before remembering three separate movies I had forgotten to mark down in the process of writing this post. So since I don’t want my viewing to have been in vain, stay tuned for my intensive shot-by-shot longform essay on The Angry Birds Movie. “Part 1 (of 8): Mise-en-Scène” coming January 9. Now on to the show:

Best Movie American Honey The Fits Indignation Moonlight Silence

Welp, sorry everyone. I’m going to assume that some of you that live in LA have seen some of these, but to everyone else, SNOREFEST! To help jazz these up a bit, I’m going to have this year’s Layokie’s hosted by the promoters of the Kickspit Underground Rock Festival, Under-Underground Records’ own DJ Supersoak and Lil Blaster.

vimeo

In case you didn’t notice, it’s that crazy-ass time of year again, the Lay-O-KEEZ! Woot-Woot! This year we got all the best movies: a meandering 3-hour mumblecore saga about a bunch of white trash teens riding around in a van selling magazine subscriptions, and it stars--SHIA LABEOUF WITH A RAT TAIL; an ultra low-budget indie about a quiet girl who wants to be in a dance group--BUT EVERYONE GETS SEIZURES; a Philip Roth adaptation with a 17-minute long scene that’s--JUST DIALOGUE; another low-budget indie about a quiet boy who has trouble breaking out of a very sad home and school environment and has trouble--DEALING WITH HIS SEXUALITY; a slogging, 3-hour religious epic about the struggle to hear God’s voice after sacrificing everything to travel to a foreign land and find a long-lost priest against impossible odds--AND ALSO THERE’S TORTURE.

In all seriousness, I thought this year was filled with small, challenging movies that deserved a wide audience, and if this list serves to even get a couple more views for them, I’d be satisfied. HAHA, HELL YEEAH.

And the Layokie goes to… Silence

Five minutes into this movie, I was in love. Scorsese is easily my favorite director, but that doesn’t mean he gets a pass. I thought Hugo was fairly awful. (Faithful readers will remember that Hugo previously won an “Absent on Purpose” Layokie, and was further remarked upon thusly: “Hugo should have been called, George Melies and the Kid Who Had a Problem but then Solved It After 45 Minutes.”) Silence, on the other hand, was pure, epic filmmaking of a type you hardly see in The Walt Disney Company’s America. Silence was thoughtful, compelling, beautiful, and as religiously moving as The Passion of the Christ (which I mean as a compliment to both films). Of course it’s only in four theaters in the country right now, but I sincerely wish that Bible Belt churches would buy up theaters for this as they have for faith-based schlock like Fireproof and God’s Not Dead. I recognize that non-believers won’t have the same emotional connection watching that I had, and though there’s no way for me to separate those elements out of my appreciation, I’d like to think it holds up otherwise. Silence also has layers of suspense, heartache, and tragedy, an outstanding cast (though one sadly lacking in women), gorgeous direction and cinematography, and minimal noticeably cartoonish effects shots (a growing blight on Scorsese’s oeuvre).

A very close second is The Fits, a movie I’ve been trumpeting the better part of the year, and was fully expecting to remain my favorite. You can watch it now on Amazon Prime, and it’s only 70 minutes long. So just do it! The only problem is that there’s no way it could stand up to the hype I’ve been giving. I just didn’t know any other way to get people to watch it. It actually sucks. It’s awful. Don’t even watch it. Actually, do go ahead and watch it, but just know that it sucks terribly and you’ll probably hate it. But also put it on the biggest screen you have, turn off the lights, and put your phones and computers in the other room. You can survive for 70 minutes.

Honorable Mentions The Lobster Jackie Manchester by the Sea Nocturnal Animals The Witch

Best Director Anna Rose Holmer - The Fits Yorgos Lanthimos - The Lobster Pablo Larraín - Jackie Martin Scorsese - Silence Denis Villeneuve - Arrival

And the Layokie goes to… Martin Scorsese

From a Scorsese fanboy’s perspective, the really interesting thing about his direction in Silence is what he doesn’t do. Not a ton of moving camera, not a ton of cuts, no fancy transitions (although I do seem to remember a couple of jump dissolves). Shutter Island was similarly straightforward in style, but Silence really brings to mind--not surprisingly--The Last Temptation of Christ in invoking an invisible Hollywood style. (In fact, the shot above was pretty much the only one in the whole film to really draw attention to itself.) Without the traditional Scorsese wow moments, it’s easy to see the skill he has in generating tone, creating suspense, and evoking the POV of his characters. One of the things I like doing (I think I got this from someone else) is watching the shot-reverse shots of great directors. Pay attention to one of Silence’s opening scenes, in which three priests have a conversation across a table. The composition and pacing make it easy to see why Scorsese (with Thelma Schoonmaker at his side) is one of the best.

Honorable Mentions Andrea Arnold - American Honey Robert Eggers - The Witch Barry Jenkins - Moonlight James Schamus - Indignation Makoto Shinkai - Your Name. Trey Edward Shults - Krisha Oliver Stone - Snowden

Original Screenplay Andres Duprat - The Distinguished Citizen Yorgos Lanthimos and Efthymus Filippou - The Lobster Taylor Sheridan - Hell or High Water Paul Laverty - I, Daniel Blake Kenneth Lonergan - Manchester by the Sea

Damn is Taylor Sheridan the screenwriter of the hour or what? Last year with Sicario, now Hell or High Water (originally titled Comancheria because obviously no self-respecting screenwriter would name their script after a chunk of an idiom [plenty of screenwriters do do this, they just don’t have any self respect...or they do respect themselves, but they’re shit and they shouldn’t]).

And the Layokie goes to… Yorgos Lanthimos and Efthymis Filippou - The Lobster

The charm of this script is inherently tied to the direction of the film and the deadpan delivery of its actors, but The Lobster is fun, original, and funny, while also tragic and gut wrenching, using the silliest and scariest of premises (not unlike Nathan for You) to point a frighteningly accurate finger at human nature.

Honorable Mentions Andrea Arnold - American Honey Jeremy Saulnier - Green Room Noah Oppenheim - Jackie Jonathan Perera - Miss Sloane Robert Eggers - The Witch

Adapted Screenplay Eric Heisserer - Arrival James Schamus - Indignation Luke Davies - Lion Barry Jenkins - Moonlight Tom Ford - Nocturnal Animals Jay Cocks and Martin Scorsese - Silence

And the Layokie goes to… Jay Cocks and Martin Scorsese - Silence

Come on now, you didn’t see that coming?

Best Actor Casey Affleck - Manchester by the Sea Colin Farrell - The Lobster Andrew Garfield - Silence Jake Gyllenhaal - Nocturnal Animals Logan Lerman - Indignation

I know Colin Farrell's job is to say everything completely deadpan, but he just does it so damn well.

And the Layokie goes to… Andrew Garfield

Alright I know this is now the Silence parade. But he really was the best. Go see it. Also his accent sucks in Hacksaw Ridge.

Honorable Mentions Dave Johns - I, Daniel Blake Joseph Gordon Levitt - Snowden

Best Actress Amy Adams - Arrival Natalie Portman - Jackie Taraji P. Henson - Hidden Figures Molly Shannon - Other People Meryl Streep - Florence Foster Jenkins

And the Layokie goes to… Molly Shannon

Really a shame that Molly Shannon hasn’t t been getting any props for this performance. This one’s on Netflix, and worth watching just for her.

Best Documentary 13th I Am not Your Negro O.J.: Made in America The Beatles: Eight Days a Week - The Touring Years Weiner

And the Layokie goes to… O.J.: Made in America

There’s not even a question. The only reason this didn’t make it to my list of top films is because it was so obviously made for television. (It’s an 8.5-hour film set up in five parts, aka, five weeknights.) However, it did qualify for consideration, and it is incredible. If you have access to WatchESPN, make time for it. It’s about much more than O.J., but even if it wasn’t, his story alone is fascinating. Whatever you call it, it’s one of the best things you can watch on a screen right now.

Honorable Mentions City of Gold Life, Animated Lo and Behold: Reveries of the Connected World Tickled Under the Gun

Best Supporting Actor John Goodman - 10 Cloverfield Lane Yôsuke Kubozuka (as Kichijiro) - Silence Tracy Letts - Indignation Issei Ogata (as the Inquisitor) - Silence Michael Shannon - Nocturnal Animals

And the Layokie goes to… Issei Ogata

Again, with the Silence! Again, just go see it. Unlike Andrew Garfield you won’t think I’m an idiot for picking this guy.

Honorable Mentions Mahershala Ali - Moonlight (thought this before everyone else started saying it!) Adam Driver - Silence Peter Sarsgaard - Jackie Aaron Taylor-Johnson - Nocturnal Animals

Best Supporting Actress Nicole Kidman - Lion Hayley Squires - I, Daniel Blake Tilda Swinton - Hail, Caesar! Rachel Weisz - The Lobster Rima Te Wiata - Hunt for the Wilderpeople Michelle Williams - Manchester by the Sea

And the Layokie goes to… Nicole Kidman

She’s the bomb. Also go see Lion. It will make you cry. It made me cry, and I don’t cry at anything (except The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, which makes me bawl like a baby.)

And now, Ass Dan to present all the good stuff. (RIP Ass Dan 1977-2017)

Don’t Sleep On The Accountant Goat The Legend of Tarzan Miss Sloane Snowden

Movie that Deserves Discussion Lion

Already talked about Lion some. Weeks after seeing it, this one is still an enigma for me. It was incredibly well written, directed, and acted, and it is an amazing story I think everyone should see. It’s truly worth watching. But though it was both visually stunning and emotionally engaging (brought real tears to my eyes--the kind that drip down your face) it’s also branded by a sentimentality that keeps me from wanting to place it into the annals of great cinema. Is this a problem with me, that movies with gushy happy endings can’t be considered great art by their very nature because I’m a cynic? Or does this say something about the inherent struggle we all face as humans and the dishonesty of schmaltz? My gut says the later, but my tear ducts say otherwise! Confused!

The Something Award Paterson

The Nothing Award Sing Street

Worst Movies 1. Nina 2. Independence Day: Resurgence 3. Sausage Party 4. Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk 5. Tale of Tales (the half I could sit through anyway) 6. The Brothers Grimsby 7. The BFG 8. The Little Prince 9. Live by Night 10. The Angry Birds Movie

Worst Actress Zoe Saldana - Nina

God, was this movie hard to watch. I would never have sat through it except that it was my job. First, she was wearing black face. You can try to explain to me how it wasn’t offensive because she is also black, but I was personally offended. Her accent was awful. She couldn’t sing anything like Nina Simone (no dig here, who could?). Lastly, the movie was pointless and boring as shit. Okay, I just decided to check to the movie on Rotten Tomatoes and I’ll save you the suspense. 3% fresh. AKA the opposite of fresh. 1 positive review of 39. Let’s guess, Armond White? Just went back and checked again. Nope, it’s someone named Kam Williams from something called Baret News Wire. This “positive” review notes that Saldana herself later admitted “I didn’t think I was right for the part.” Williams goes on to say: “However, I suspect anyone who actually sees the film would find Zoe’s Africanized features to be less of a distraction than her singing. For, while she certainly manages to hold her own, Nina’s fans will undoubtedly be more disappointed by the absence of the haunting strains of The High Priestess of Soul’s distinctive voice than by her impersonator’s performing in blackface.” That’s from the only positive review! Williams then finishes with “Ignore all the blackface haters, singing aside, Zoe Saldana delivers a decent enough Nina Simone impersonation here to make you wonder what all the brouhaha was ever about. Very Good (3 stars).” You know a biopic performance is good when the only person advocating for it labels it an “impersonation.”

Good in Everything Award Adam Driver - Midnight Special, Paterson, Silence

Best Cameo Tie: Nick Kroll and Nick Offerman - Knight of Cups (If I remember correctly, you can see a chunk of Nick Kroll’s nose and the back of Nick Offerman’s head.)

Best Song Humble by Connor4Real aka The Lonely Island - Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping

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Actual Best Song The Veil by Peter Gabriel - Snowden

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Other Best Song Shiny by Jemaine Clement - Moana (though Disney didn’t submit it ‘cause they’re dumb)

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Best Animated Feature Your Name.

Fastest Learner Doctor Strange, who goes from woefully inept, to able to defeat any henchman, to able to defeat the antagonist, to able to defeat the over-villain, which is some universal galactic superpower, all in the course of about 12 real-time hours.

Most Guts Going All “Splat!” Hacksaw Ridge

The Tallest Tree and Longest Vine in the Known Universe Award The Legend of Tarzan In the words of Jeb Bush, “Please click.”

The Worst Scene to Watch While Sitting Between Your Mom and Your Aunt and Your Girlfriend The one in Bad Moms when they’re prepping her for her date and talking about cocks and jacking off uncircumcised dicks and licking foreskins and cum and all that stuff.

youtube

I did get up and change seats at this point.

Movie the Critics Hated but I Thought Was Great Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice

Movies Everyone Loved but I Thought Were Cinematically Incohesive, Lacking Character and Plot, Were Almost Saved by Brilliant Endings, but then Weren’t La La Land Swiss Army Man

Biggest Disappointment Jason Bourne

Scariest Moment In The Red Turtle when the guy decides to escape that well by swimming out through that tight channel. Like dude, you’re going to get stuck and drown in there you psycho. I would die trying to climb out for five days straight before I’d try to swim out through a tunnel.

Number of Movies I Had to Watch Isabelle Huppert Get Raped In 2

Biggest Gaffe Phantom Boy is a wonderful animated feature from France, but which is set in New York. At one point they get on an elevator and go from floor 0 to -3. Uh, do research much? In America, that would be floor 1 to P3. Eye roll emoji!

Least Believable On-screen Couple Jesse Eisenberg and Blake Lively in Cafe Society

Can people stop casting Jesse Eisenberg as debonair playboys? It’s not working.

Edge of My Seat Award Green Room Don’t Breathe Nocturnal Animals Silence

You Can and Should Watch on Netflix 13th Lo and Behold: Reveries of the Connected World Other People

You Can and Should Watch on Amazon Prime Cafe Society Green Room Embrace of the Serpent Eye in the Sky THE FITS! Krisha The Lobster Louder than Bombs The Witch

Best Scenes Captain America: Civil War - The escape from Bucky’s Berlin hotel and the big ol’ fight with all the people (even though Vision just disappeared for huge chunks of the fight because he could obviously just disarm all of his opponents at once without even hurting them). Doctor Strange - You know the one where are the crazy stuff happens The Fits - The climax Hell or High Water - Any time Katy Mixon was on screen Lion - The meeting of the mothers Midnight Special - Escape from the facility Moana - The song Shiny Nocturnal Animals - The entire highway confrontation Rogue One: A Star Wars Story - Darth Vader tearing shit up

Absent on Purpose Elle The Founder The Neon Demon War Dogs

Haven’t Seen 20th Century Women Captain Fantastic The Edge of Seventeen Everybody Wants Some!! Fences The Handmaiden Love & Friendship Loving Toni Erdmann

Rest in Peace Anton Yelchin

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connorsimpson · 6 years

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Media Diet: Jolie Kerr

This interview was recorded in February, 2014 for a Media Diet feature on The Atlantic Wire. It was condensed and edited for clarity. Jolie is now a podcaster, a New York Times columnist, and a Patreon contributor. She was promoting her first book.

How do people deal with the torrent of information pouring down on us all? What sources can't they live without? We regularly reach out to prominent figures in media, entertainment, politics, the arts, and the literary world to hear their answers. This is drawn from a conversation with Jolie Kerr, the Ask a Clean Person columnist, and author of My Boyfriend Barfed in My Handbag . . . and Other Things You Can't Ask Martha, which comes out this week.

So I'm going to tell you there are two that I love, love, love love. I love Family Circle. Feel free to use this, because I don't hide this at all. Maybe like eight or so years ago, I was in pretty intensive therapy for severe depression. Saved my life, blah blah blah, but the best part of therapy — other than having my life saved — was they always had copies of Family Circle in the waiting room. And my therapist was a chronically late person, so I always got there early so I'd have all this extra time to read issue after issue of Family Circle. I've always been like this. I'm not normal. So Family Circle is like, whatever you think of Family Circle is right. It's a grandma magazine. (This is not the comic strip.) Its competitors would be Good Housekeeping, Ladies Home Journal, Redbook, all that. What I call Grey Hair Ladies Magazines. Or, possibly better would be like Mom Khakis Magazines. (I don't wear Mom Khakis.) Of those titles — I read all of them, I love them — Family Circle is definitely a long time favorite. Redbook, on the other hand — Kathy Griffin talks about this in one of her stand up specials, that she was asked to do an interview with Redbook and she was like, "uh, Redbook, do you know I am? I don't think you want that," but then she went and read Redbook, and she was like, "Woah! This is not my Grandmother's Redbook!" — so Redbook has pivoted a little bit, and it's still for that core audience of like, I would say, I don't know how they define it, that 35-60 or whatever, the middle-aged generation. But they're much more modern about that generation. Like, they have sex articles, you know what I mean? I know! I KNOW! Redbook! It's frickin' great. The other ones, I think, are still staid. They're trying to kind of evolve, of course they have to, but they're a little bit more staid. But yeah, Redbook. Good for Redbook.

I open email and then Twitter and then Facebook, in that order. Email because I always want to check, file and organize anything that comes in after my 9 pm curfew. So if it's Ask a Clean Person questions, I read them. I file them. I have a file for all my Clean Person questions. I read every question, I do. And then, you know, dash off emails to friends. One of my best friends lives in Australia, so a lot of time when I wake up in the morning he has sent me links and cute videos, blah blah blah. So then I open Twitter and immediately have a panic attack, and then I open Facebook because it makes me less panicky.

I hide people on Facebook all the time. I realized that if I have negative thoughts about someone, I hide them. Because that's not nice, it's not nice to have negative thoughts about people. I just kind of scan Facebook and then by the time I'm done that I'm ready to face Twitter. I'm really compulsive, like, I have to go all the way back through my timeline until I hit the very last tweet I read before my 9 pm curfew. I am constantly re-evaluating what and who I'm following. So right now I follow about 150 accounts. I keep it really low. It's a mental health thing. I get very easily overwhelmed. A lot of this cleaning stuff comes from the fact that I'm very easily overwhelmed, so keeping things clean and in order helps me to control that. You know how you can go into someone's account and turn off so you don't see when they're retweeting things? Like, contstanly doing that. That's like a daily activity for me. Just beacuse it's like, oh god, there's so much to read, what did I miss. It's the fear of missing out. Of course I rationally know. It's just feels like so much, which it never really is.

If I didn't go through Twitter the way I do, I would have missed this New York Times story, "Do Curlers Make Good Housekeepers?" It was posted last night, at some point after 9 pm Eastern.

My commute is, I get out of bed and sit at my kitchen table so usually during my commute I'm not consuming any media. I don't have a cable connection — we have a TV with an Apple TV connection, and that's it. I don't watch any live TV or anything like that. All of my news is online. Everything is online. I think the only thing I still read in print is Vanity Fair. It's just like, an old habit of mine, to read Vanity Fair in print. I had a subscription to Texas Monthly. That was the last magazine subscription I had, which was great. I loved it in print because of all the little weird ads in the back. They were so great, and Texas, and weird, and like, blah blah blah. I still read paper books, though. I haven't switched to kindle or anything like that. That's my one weird hold out.

You know, maybe two thirds of my day is working. Either that's writing, following up on press requests, dealing with stuff with my publisher, that kind of stuff. The other part of my day is, you know, so my cleaning, cooking, going to the grocery store. On some days, generally it's Wednesdays and Fridays, are my laundry days, so those days in the afternoon I pack up the laptop, pack up the laundry. I go down to my laundromat, get the laundry started and sit at my corner bar and work from my corner bar. That's a typical day.

I have a 9 PM curfew for any interactive or social media. At 9 PM, off goes email, Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr — I don't really use Tumblr any more, but I used to use Tumblr — anything that I can have any interaction with people. I'll catch up on anything that I snooped during the day that I didn't have time to read. Katie Baker's stuff on Grantland is a good example of stuff that, when I see it come up on Twitter, I say, "save that for tonight to read in bed." If I get through all that stuff really fast, or don't have any stuff to catch up on, I go to the Longform tabs page and cruise through the tags and like, "oh, tonight I'd like to read about organzied crime. Let me see what they have." They never have enough about organized crime! I'm always like, "come on!" I'm an organzied crime junkie.

I'm obsessed with Deadspin. I love sports gossip! There's so much frickin'.... sports culture is hilarious to me. I was this way in college too. I really like men's magazines. I don't read a lot of women's titles beyond those "old lady" titles, which, a lot of that I do because of what I do for work. But in terms of general interest stuff, I read a lot of Esquire, GQ, Details, Deadspin. I'm a frat boy at heart.

I was totally sorority girl. I was the hair-bow-wearing pledge mom of Kappa Alpha Beta. I went to Barnard College, of Columbia University. Let's detour for a minute and talk about my parents sending my to New York when I was 18. Me, of all people. People are always like, "you're so clean. How do you know how to do all this stuff?" Um, pleeease, I was a party girl. I'm older now, and all that stuff. But I was a paaarty giiirl. For sure. A lot of knowing how to clean this stuff came out of like, living through making the messes. Or if I didn't make them myself I was at parties where someone had to clean the barf off the floor and guess who was doing that? Pledge mooom! Pledge mom Jolie. That's where a lot of the empathy for the column comes from. I was always the person who cleaned up someone else's barf that needs cleaning up. Like, people barf! It's OK! Barf happens. I barf! I don't like barfing. I'm a bad barfer. But, you know, yeah!

Used bike shorts comes to mind. It was an early column. Personally, as Jolie, the idea of used bike shorts is horrifying but when I sit and think about it for two seconds I feel badly that I’ve even said that because I understand that those things are expensive and I understand that someone might need to buy those second hand, you know what I mean? And then it's like, "you're being a bitch. Don't be a bitch." I wouldn't want someone to be bitchy to me! I told them how to clean them. I zipped my lip. I think I opened it with a note, like, "let's just put aside whether you should or should not buy these. They were already purchased. What are we gonna do? We're gonna clean them." [Setting aside personal hangups] is the most important part of my job.

You can get cleaning advice a ton of other places. I'm not the first person to dispense cleaning adivce. The difference is two things. One, is the Q&A format. You're reading the stories behind how the messes were made. A number of people aren't doing that! And that's the fun of it. That's why people wanna read the column, it's funny. But the other thing is that people know when they come to me that they're not gonna get judged. They're not gonna be kicked around for a choice they've made — good, bad, ugly, whatever. I'm just here to help.

The other thing is, people are always like, "oh, I'm so scared to have you in my home." And like, I don't care if you don't make your bed every day! It's not my bed. I don't live in your home. It doesn't matter to me. It doesn't matter to me if you don't do your dishes. But it you want to know how to do your dishes, I'm here to help. If you want to know why I think you should make your bed every day, I'm here to tell you. But I'm not here to jam anything down anyone’s throat, for crying out loud.

I am not a doctor. I don't want to cross the line into encouraging people to write to me thinking I can offer psychological help or anything. So I never run those type of questions but I always write back personally to those people. I offer to help, and acknowledge that they've written to me, and ask if they're seeking out professional help. I feel that there's some responsibility on my end if someone comes to me. I've had people who are cutters write to me. So what they're writing to me about, is they're asking about blood stains, and I'll say, "ok, here is a researched body of work about blood stains that I'm sending to you for help, but also you have now told me you're engaging in behaviour and I wanna make sure that you are seeking help, have help, if not, can I give you some resources? Can I encourage you to seek help?" And again, oftentimes, I'll share and say, "I don't think I should run this question." And I'll tell them that, "This is a problem I've had and you're talking to someone who understands, so please seek help if you can. Things can be better. Things can get better." Things are better for me.

The things I read most often other than the big magazines is, like. I love a regional interest title, so like Garden and Gun, or Texas Monthly. I love Texas Monthly, it's so good. Sunset Magazine, which is like a western magazine. Yankee Magazine, which is a New England-based magazine. And Down East, which is Maine-specific, and I love Maine. Maine is such a weird state, and everyone from Maine is just a little bit off but in the best way possible. So of course there are a million stories.

I read The Economist for the obituaries only.

I subscribe to the American Cleaning Institute newsletter. It's exactly what it sounds like.

#media diet #jolie kerr

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