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#happy birthday u annoying lizard
falsehero · 4 months
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unvalley · 4 years
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The Way He Moves
Pairing: Gray Fullbuster & Juvia Lockser | Gruvia
Modern AU
Genre: Humor & Romance
Rated: M | For strong language
Summary: Juvia isn't too fond of surprises. Definitely not happy about her friends taking her to an All Male Strip Club, for her birthday. Well, that was until she found something or rather someone to be fond of.
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Chapter One | The Birthday Surprise
‘’Can I take it off yet?’’
‘’Just a little bit longer, Juvia. We’re almost there!’’ 
I let out a groan. The girls made me wear a blindfold ever since we left my surprise birthday party at my apartment for another birthday surprise they said they had for me. That was over thirty minutes ago! So, at that point, I was getting impatient and annoyed as hell. I wasn’t a fan of surprises so I wasn’t looking too forward to it but that is unless they took me to eat to heaven, aka, Caramade’s Franks… I wouldn’t be this stubborn. So, Cana, Erza and Levy, all had to push me from the back to get me to even move a step forward. And hungry. How did I know that was not the case? Because Franks was only across the street from where I lived. Yup, I was the luckiest person in the whole wide world but I wasn’t at that moment.
At some point a sudden wave of music and loud cheers were blasting my ears. I guessed we walked into a building. That was when Lucy let go of my hand and the other girls stopped pushing me.
‘’Okay, Juvia, you can take it off now!’’ They sounded excited. Way too excited and I knew, for a fact that all of them were exchanging smug faces. 
‘’Finally!’’ I said as I reached for the blindfold and didn’t hesitate one bit to rip the whole thing. And when I could see… I wanted to dig myself a hole and die in it. 
‘’Happy birthday, Juvia!’’ 
Fairy Tail’s male stripclub?! What the fuck. 
As I was frozen in place with my mouth hanging to the floor, I was about to protest but Cana interrupted me and put her arm around my shoulder.  
‘’Let’s get drinks!’’ Or I could drink away my misery, that worked perfectly too.
What was really suspicious for me was how the girls somehow managed to get us VIP seats, right in front of the stage. And I couldn’t put a finger on it but I knew they were up to something and I didn’t like it one bit. But anyway, while my friends were drooling over the strippers like a bunch of  puppies, I was too busy chugging my booze like nothing ain’t none of my business. 
Oh, and let me tell you the names these strippers actually went with… it was so cringe and laughable, that it was sad... This one guy, with pink spiky hair was called ‘’Salamander’’. Yes, those amphibians that look somewhat like a mixture of a frog and a lizard. Okay, those things are cute but this wannabe would forever be the least cutest salamander. Why would you even bring cute and innocent salamanders into stripping? That’s just fucking wack but Lucy didn’t seem to mind any of that. Of course salamander dude had to be her favorite and here I thought Lucy was the smart one, turns out she’s just as bizarre as he is. He just had to dry hump her while exchanging ‘fuck me’ looks. Perhaps they could be a good couple after all with their matching bird brains. 
Then there was this very tall guy with dark and long hair and lots of piercings.  He had the nickname ‘’Iron fist’’ and I never want to know why of all the names that’s the name he picked. So that's definitely enough stripper descriptions. Just know none of those losers passed the vibe check. 
After the longest couple hours of my life, the performances were finally over. I couldn’t have been more happy to yeet myself out of that hellhole but the presenter had yet to announce something. 
‘’So ladies… I heard there’s a birthday girl here tonight. Where are you, Juvia?’’ 
No. Don’t tell me-
‘’She’s here! This hottie is Juvia!’’ My friends started jumping up and down as they were all pointing at me sinking into the couch, trying to make myself invisible from everyone. 
‘’Please walk up on the stage, miss. I believe there’ll be a special show just for you’’
Uhm, I think the fuck not. There was no way in hell I was getting on that stage because I’d honestly rather go and start to dig that hole, right the fuck now. 
‘’Guys I love you and appreciate you for doing this but I don’t think-’’ 
‘’Don’t you think it’s finally time for you have  fun on your day, Juvs?’’ Levy said and gave me a smile.
I hated to admit it but Levy was so right. It was my birthday after all. And maybe, just maybe I hadn’t even tried to have fun, just because I was at a strip club, where I definitely didn’t want to be but...not like I ever had to come back, right? So I gave Levy a nod as telling her that I agreed. 
The presenter, I think his name was Warren, gave me a hand and led me to the center of the stage where a chair was seated. He kindly asked me to take a seat and so I did and then he let go of my hand and wished me a happy birthday, before walking off stage. I looked back at my friends who were giving me their thumbs up and I answered by sticking my middle finger up to them but couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. These girls, I swear to god. They better not regret ever doing this to me,or I’d have to reconsider making new friends. . 
”Juvia… let me present to you, your very own Ice Prince’’
Did he just say... my own...Ice prince? Oh god, let me guess, the stripper was going to put ice cubes all over me and somehow make it look all super sexy, like in that 50 shades of Grey movie? Yeah right. Better luck next time finding your ice princess, sweetie. 
Whatever, I just had to get this shitshow over with. For good. 
I don’t know for how long they let me sit there, all by myself but I felt awkward as hell and the performance hadn’t even started. As I was in deep thought, the loud music suddenly started   playing and the screams, squeals and cheers from the female crowd scared me and made me jump in surprise. 
After a few seconds I felt a strong but gentle hand on my right shoulder and I looked up in that direction and when I saw him… my whole world stopped.
A/N: It only took me a year to writing this very short and weird AF, first stripper chapter but here it is. And I know what you're all thinking... who the hell includes salamanders and stripping? Oh that would be me. Anyway, I still hope you guys liked the chapter, so stay tuned :)
PS. @be-dazzled​ told me not to credit her but i’m going to do it anyway, thank u so much for helping me 💓💓💓
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dustycactus · 7 years
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tag game thing that i’m doing the whole thing instead of just the ones i get in asks cuz wooo
1: name: kaiden 2: age: 15 3: 3 fears: the ocean, being left alone, and uh basketballs (those r terrifying you’ve gotta admit) 4: 3 things i love: drawing, the cold weather, and pastel yellow 5: 4 turns on: people with eyes, people with a heart, people with a brain, and people who are nice (do u rly think i’m going to say NOT SAFE FOR WORK THINGS ON MY TOTALLY SAFE FOR WORK BLOG pshh what r u on about) 6: 4 turns off: rude people in general, too much sarcasm, does ~drugs~ (the illegal shit), very judgy. 7: my best friend: MY LITTLE BLUE HAIRED FUCKKKEERRR, or just my cousin lol 8: sexual orientation: pansexual with a preference for bois 9: my best first date: uh we went to go get ice cream and then went to their rooftop asdfghjk i haven’t been on many dates 10: how tall am i: 5″6 11: what do i miss: my home town and the cold weather 12: what time were i born: 2 AM 13: favorite color: yellow or blue 14: do i have a crush: nah not for now 15: favorite quote: “existence, well what does it matter. i exist on the best terms i can. the past is now part of my future, the present is well out of hand”- ian curtis (lol not the most inspiring but i love) 16: favorite place: a small cliff behind a restaurant in my hometown. 17: favorite food: kitkats, or ice cream 18: do i use sarcasm: not really, no 19: what am i listening to right now: Kool Thing by Sonic Youth 20: first thing i notice in new person: their way of speaking, or their eyes. 21: shoe size: 9 1/2 22: eye color: brown :/ 23: hair color: brown again :/ 24: favorite style of clothing: the late 70′s- early 80′s punk outfits asdfghj i wish i was cool enough to pull that off 25: ever done a prank call?: ye 27: meaning behind my url: well right now it’s pumpkinspiced-aliens and it’s because it’s halloween and i love aliens asdfghjk 28: favorite movie: donnie darko, or maybe rocky horror 29: favorite song: can’t choose :( 30: favorite band: twenty one pilots and close second would be the clash asdfghjk what a nerd amiright  31: how i feel right now: 40% empty and 60% unaware of my surroundings and thinking about how useless life is ::))) 32: someone i love: my bro 33: my current relationship status: v single 34: my relationship with my parents: i guess okay? idk  35: favourite holiday: halloween and christmas (i already bought a christmas phone case i’m fuckin prepared) 36: tattoos and piercing i have: ear piercings, no tattoos yet 37: tattoos and piercing i want: probs gages, but not that big maybe the size of pencil erasers,, also a tattoo of a flamingo because reasons. 38: the reason i joined tumblr: because i needed something to do on the weekends and reason to get out of bed 39: do i and my last ex hate each other?: no we’re friends and hang out sometimes, i just realized that they’re not the type of person i like, so eh 40: do i ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?: i fuckin wish :’( 41: have i ever kissed the last person i texted?: uh yeah 42: when did i last hold hands?: today with my idiot friend nayla jkjk ily 43: how long does it take me to get ready in the morning?: like 40 minutes maybe 44: have you shaved your legs in the past three days?: :p 45: where am i right now?: at home 46: if i were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me?: probs my friend caro cuz she would be there too 47: do i like my music loud or at a reasonable level?: depends,, if i’m angry or sad really loud, but when i’m ghosty and stuff at a normal level 48: do i live with my mom and dad?: yeah 49: am i excited for anything?: for the hiatus to be over asdfg jk but also moving out  50: do i have someone of the opposite sex i can tell everything to? : uh not really everything,, i don’t tell everything to anyone but yeah i guess i’ve got a few friends that i trust with some information 51: how often do i wear a fake smile?: more often than people think 52: when was the last time i hugged someone?: today  53: what if the last person i kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me?: i tried to kiss my brother on the cheek and we accidentally touched lips but yee, um, i would be cheering that girl on 54: is there anyone i trust even though i should not?: i’m the most paranoid person about this stuff so no 55: what is something i disliked about today?: i had a science test and i had a panic attack at 3 AM 56: if i could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?: uh probs tyler and josh, or just my soulmate esrdgfhh jkjk 57: what do i think about most? now that i think about it, it’s either college or death 58: what’s my strangest talent?: i can hold my breath for 3.5 minutes underwater asdfg it’s not that long but it’s oky 59: do i have any strange phobias?: other than the ocean and basketballs? i don’t think so. 60: do i prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?: behind 61: what was the last lie i told?: this is gonna sound super fake and stuff but i said “i love you” asdfghjk 62: do i perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?: talking on the phone 63: do i believe in ghosts? how about aliens?: ghosts? not really. aliens? damn right i do hmu if u want the full explanation 64: do i believe in magic?: nah 65: do i believe in luck?: maybe 66: what’s the weather like right now?: it was sunny a few minutes ago and now it’s windy like crazy idk what the fuck happened 67: what was the last book i’ve read?: stephen king’s “the girl who loved tom gordon” 68: do i like the smell of gasoline? fuck yeah 69: do i have any nicknames? not really other than kitkat or kai 70: what was the worst injury i’ve ever had?: my ankle snapped in half after being pushed to the bottom of a pool asdfghj it’s a long story 71: do i spend money or save it?: i spend it way too fast help 72: can i touch my nose with a tounge?: with A tongue? probs, not with my own tho 73: is there anything pink in 10 feets from me? yes my 3ds 74: favourite animal?: can’t choose but i love lizards 75: what was i doing last night at 12am?: showering fgh 76: what do i think is Satan’s last name is?: probs something super common like Johnson or Barkley or Trump. 77: what’s a song that always makes me happy when i hear it?: chills by down with webster lolol it reminds me of home 78: how can you win my heart?: being sweet and sending me good morning and goodnight texts 79: what would i want to be written on my tombstone?: “and a great succ he was....” and whatever else my family wants to write on it lolol 80: what is my favorite word?: plump 81: my top 5 blogs on tumblr: i don’t want to annoy them by tagging them but i love so many 82: if the whole world were listening to me right now, what would i say?: i would read every single one of my angry political letters and then tell them to fuck off. 83: do i have any relatives in jail? nah 84: i accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. they were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power?: props invisibility or magic healing 85: what would be a question i’d be afraid to tell the truth on?: r u ok? 86: what is my current desktop picture?: the meme man 87: had sex?: asdfghjkljhgfdsfghjk,jhgfd no 88: bought condoms?: no but i got a bunch of them thrown at me once 89: gotten pregnant?: no 90: failed a class?: yee in like 6th grade 91: kissed a boy?: ye 92: kissed a girl?: ye 93: have i ever kissed somebody in the rain?: no but i wish 94: had job?: there are so many different things you could be talking about right now but yes i have had a working job 95: left the house without my wallet?: yeyeyey 96: bullied someone on the internet?: nope 97: had sex in public?: jcfghjghvewbdsjhwefhgv no 98: played on a sports team?: yee 99: smoked weed?: no 100: did drugs?: uh bad memories ascghj but technically yes and it sucked 101: smoked cigarettes?: ye like only a couple of timez,,, like 10,,,, i’m not addicted tho 102: drank alcohol?: ye 103: am i a vegetarian/vegan?: pesco vegetarian  104: been overweight?: nope 105: been underweight?: yep 106: been to a wedding?: yep 107: been on the computer for 5 hours straight?: yep  108: watched tv for 5 hours straight?: yep 109: been outside my home country?: bitch yes 110: gotten my heart broken?: kinda i guess 111: been to a professional sports game?: nah 112: broken a bone?: ye 113: cut myself?: purposefully, no. 114: been to prom?: well they’ve got “proms” at my school which is the entire high school including the seniors but like yeah i have 115: been in airplane?: too many times 116: fly by helicopter?: yee 117: what concerts have i been to?: so manyyy,,, tell me if u want me to say them all 118: had a crush on someone of the same sex?: i’m practically gay 119: learned another language?: i speak french and italian ~fluently~ 120: wore make up?: yes 121: lost my virginity before i was 18?: asdfghj no 122: had oral sex?: azsxdcfgvhbjbvgfhvewubcyfbkuycfuyqerliu no 123: dyed my hair?: eyeyyeyeyeeee 124: voted in a presidential election?: nope 125: rode in an ambulance?: yee 126: had a surgery?: yeee 127: met someone famous?: i met johnny cash,,, also his daugther 128: stalked someone on a social network?: celebrities yes 129: peed outside?: yee 130: been fishing?: yee 131: helped with charity?: yee 132: been rejected by a crush?: no 133: broken a mirror?: not that i remember 134: what do i want for birthday?: this year i only got 50 dollars haha i would like some clothes maybe and a ukelele 135: how many kids do i want and what will be their names?: i want 1 max 2 but idk their names yet,,, a girl i would name kayla cuz yeah 136: was I named after anyone?: nope 137: do i like my handwriting?: nope 138: what was my favourite toy as a child?: this little ballerina doll i had gotten in a mcdonalds happy meal 139: favourite tv Show?: “that 70′s show” or stranger things 140: where do i want to live when older?: toronto, montreal, or ottawa 141: play any musical instrument?: guitar, piano, and clarinet 142: one of my scars, how did I get it?: instead of using a plate to cut my sandwich in half while camping, i put a paper towel on my thigh and sliced a 1 cm cut into it lmao  143: favourite pizza toping?: pepperoni  144: am i afraid of the dark?: eh not really 145: am i afraid of heights?: not at all 146: have i ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?: i got caught by my dad trying to steal a beer for my cousin,,,  147: have i ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?: on literally every test i’ve ever taken 148: what i’m really bad at: texting, being supportive, sharing food, physics, and general emotions 149: what my greatest achievments are: probs getting 1st at a national competition for a sport which i am not going to tell you 150: the meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: that i don’t have any friends and that i should drink bleach while jumping off the CN tower :) 151: what i’d do if i won in a lottery: donate a quarter of it to charity, giving another quarter to sick family members, and the rest save for my education and my brother’s. 152: what do i like about myself: i’ve got nice eyelashes i’ve been told 153: my closest tumblr friend: idk... 154: something i fantasise about: having a nice romantic relationships
THERE DONE BJKHSDAKUJSDXKHJEKYGUYHWERUHIFR
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