#he’s 43 years old & suddenly the woman who loves him whom he’s been keeping in his back pocket just in case… is dead | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

compacflt · 7 months

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While I was reading your slider oneshot for the third time (sooooo good btw, i cant say enough how much i love your writing), I kept thinking about Ice and Sliders conversation about Carole-[“Me and Carole?” Ice said, thinking it over. He smiled his bitter, bashful smile— “Yeah, we might’ve worked out, once. I won’t get into the details. We tried it out. But I don’t think the timing was right.”]-What is Ice referencing here?? Is he referring to when Carole kissed him? Or did I miss something (entirely possible tbh)? I really felt like Mav when I read that scene ["What do Admiral Kazansky and Carole Bradshaw get up to when he doesn’t know about it?"]

The parallel of Mav being [redacted] with Goose and Carole liking/loving/pining for Ice. Wow! So deliciously complex. What an interesting little love square they have going on. Bradley and his four parents.

But man...Carole really is such a tragic figure in both canon and your fic. But I really really love the depth of emotion that you give her in the glimpses that we get. Her relationships with both Mav and Ice are so interesting and layered. They just feel very real. I really really loved the gimpse of her point of view you gave us in the Dad!Ice fic (the half empty box of cigarettes!! I still think about that)

this is such a sweet ask. thank you. yes he was referring to her kissing him (not really “trying it out,” to be fair, but he’s also trying to “prove” to slider that he’s still interested in women, so he’s using even the most tangential of evidence and holding it up like “see? See? not gonna give you all the details but Trust Me bro we tried it out😎”)

& also here’s from my notes in my printed-out copy of my fics from last OCTOBER (whoa). Referring to the scene in the hospital when Carole gives ice & maverick the instructions to pull Bradley’s USNA app & suggests she & ice have discussed it previously (they haven’t).

Carole is pretty much the only person who is around both Ice & mav enough to know the truth of who they are. (Slider also recognizes this— “ice let Carole Bradshaw see his happiness but not slider… :( que cruel”. And the whole “she is literally the only camera capturing icemav’s happiness on film for the historical record” section of slider

.) And Carole therefore is the only person to whom ice quite literally cannot deny that he & maverick are together, because she… has eyes. And is their best friend. and they’re raising her kid with her. So that sets her up as like a confessional character, in that ice HAS to be truthful with her in a way he isn’t with anyone else, including… his literal boyfriend maverick. so it’s a pretty easy leap for Maverick to be like, It’s a given that ice does not honestly want to be with me, a man -> but he is honest about his feelings with Carole, a woman who has expressed interest in him, behind my back (“what do admiral Kazansky & Carole Bradshaw get up to when he doesn’t know about it?”) -> Omg they’re having a heterosexual emotional affair. Which, like, they totally might be? which is why i keep going back to the *possibility* that they might have worked out once, had it not been for the simultaneous timing of ice falling in love with maverick, since ice is also Bradley’s no. 1 dad figure in my story. Which slider points out.

From a heterosexual family planning perspective, ice & Carole together just kinda makes sense. In a way that everyone in the story recognizes, for better or worse.

#ice as the responsible dad; Carole as the fun loving mom #like if they had ‘worked out’ everyone recognizes they’d be the perfect successful nuclear family with a good love story to boot #which is why it hurts maverick to be compared to that. to be reminded that Ice is only with him because he has to be.#so you get this kind of ‘man it’s a shame ice is gay’ feeling from Carole because she’s the perfect alternative #and when she dies ice has NO other option but maverick #he’s 43 years old & suddenly the woman who loves him whom he’s been keeping in his back pocket just in case… is dead #and maverick becomes his only realistic hope for companionship. doors closing one by one. getting shut into this life he didn’t want.#which is what is hopefully represented in the rendition of the funeral scene in the slider one shot.#pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #icemav #top gun #edts notes #carole bradshaw #is icecarole even a ship? seems…#homophobic somehow #these are characters who exist as whole people in my head independent of my personal skill level in rendering them on the page #so im just gonna tell you what i was GOING for lmfao #‘here’s how i MEANT to write it’#‘here’s how i WOULDVE written it if i were being a little more intentional & wasnt speedrunning my first draft in 13 days’

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momoliee · 3 years

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Ch 43 and why I think xqc was both right and wrong for…what he said in those videos.

On why I think what he did can be justified :

Here we have to consider xqc’s background. Xqc’s parents were brutally murdered because of their line of work. As police officers, they were investigating a dangerous case and because of this case that they were investigating, they ended up being killed in a horrendous way. When they died, they left behind a 13 year old son and a 5 year old daughter, who neither had money nor relatives to take care of them. Their two kids had to suffer and go through a lot because their parents chose to not put into consideration the danger they were putting themselves in when they picked up the case. This, of course, traumatized xqc. He suddenly had to care for his sister, care for himself, make money to put food on the table, etc etc (I’ve already written a meta on this). It also gave him nightmares, seeing his beloved parents’ bodies crushed that way and all, and I dare say, Xqc might have suffered from a case of ptsd because of the incident.

So when he saw the video of Qin Ciyan being murdered, murdered because of his career and work, all his triggers were set off at once. Qin Ciyan, sacrificing everything for his line of work, Qin Ciyan leaving behind a daughter and a wife, Qin Ciyan being murdered in a very gore-y sort of way. It set off all his alarms, probably causing an immense shock that resulted in him taking a violent step backwards. He suddenly thought, the guy who killed Qin Ciyan was a mentally ill patient, and I deal with mentally ill patients all the time. What if I die like that too? Is this career worth it? Where would Xie Xue and my wife go if I’m gone? What will happen to them? Isn’t that exactly what happened to my parents? Aren’t I, too, putting myself in danger for my career even tho I have people who are dependent and reliant on me?

And so xqc treated that patient in the hospital the way he did. And he resigned the way he did. And he said all the words that he did. And he decided to cut off he yu the way he did. It was all…a trauma response. Trauma that he never properly healed and progressed and moved past, trauma that’s so bottled and stuffed in without any room to be let out, just suddenly coming out and biting him in the ass.

Now why I think everything he did and said was wrong, despite being justified :

First of all, mentally ill patients should never, ever, be demonized, treated as some sort of lowly animals that can’t be controlled, and especially not by a certified psychologist. As xqc himself once said, they are normal people who have been placed in abnormal environments and so had no choice but to develop a mindset that’s different from others. Of course, there are those who are BORN mentally ill, who are the way they are from the moment they came out of the womb.

Here is the thing tho : all mentally ill patients are victims. They are victims of their own disorders and illnesses, they suffer because of these illnesses more than anyone around them does. Because THEY are the ones experiencing the illness, THEY are the ones battling it and fighting it on a constant daily based. They are the ones who have to treat their own brains and minds as their biggest enemy.

Nevertheless, there ARE patients who are a danger on society. There are patients who will put others at the risk of harm. And those patients are dealt with in special means and ways. When being treated, everything is done to ensure the doctor’s and the patient’s safety. There are people standing ready with sedatives, there are special wards to accommodate them and avoid triggering them, and there are special ways of treating them, understanding their minds and brains, why they do what they do, what drives them to possibly harm others, and how that can be controlled, checked, and dealt with. There are ways to teach them how to deal with their illness, how to control their impulses, and how to coexist with others in society without harming themselves or those around them.

Qin Ciyan’s case was an exception that shouldn’t have been generalized. The son of the woman who died, might have been a mentally ill patient; however, he was an untreated patient who never stepped into the office of a psychologist that could have helped him. He lived his whole life like that, with his mother never telling him that his actions are wrong or trying to redirect him, in extreme poverty too, not even knowing that he was mentally ill or different from others. Most patients like him, don’t even realize that they’re suffering from a disease unless they’re told by a professional that they are. I bet his mother herself didn’t know that her son was mentally ill. The blame here lies on society for not educating the citizens more on mental health, and instead just treating it as a taboo topic and stamping it with harmful and demonizing stereotypes. So if the son’s actions and lash out was to be blamed on his illness, then we shouldn’t blame him. Rather, we should blame his circumstances, his poverty, the ignorance of society on the topic of mental health that allowed him to go on for so long without realizing he needed proper treatment. It is an exceptional case. Not a general one. Not every day the relative of a patient of yours who died comes barging in and stabbing you with knives.

But here’s the thing, it was later proven that, despite being mentally ill, he was completely sane during the time of the murder. Which showed that the murder wasn’t done because his illness caused him to lash out and lose control and be unable to distinguish between right and wrong. It was done because of his own vengeful intentions and wrath. If that’s the case, then why should all mental health patients be blamed for HIS decisions and actions? Why should they all be categorized into the same “can’t control themselves, might kill you at any time” box for a decision that one of them made when he was in a fully sane mindset? How is it their fault? Why didn’t xqc take the fact that he was sane at the time of the incident as any other resident when he chose to say the things he said?

Xqc, for anyone who DOESNT know about your background and what you’ve been through and why you reacted the way you did, of course they will call you a hypocrite! Because xqc, psychologists always get to choose their patients, and if they feel like they can’t handle a certain patient or their expertise isn’t enough to be able to treat said patient, they can easily transfer this patient to a more qualified and confident psychologist. Because xqc, when psychologists are dealing with a patient whom they deemed as dangerous and can suddenly lose control, they deal with such patients with utmost care and control, setting up so many precautions to ensure that no side is harmed during the treatment, at any given moment in time. Because at the end of the day, as a psychologist who must’ve treated countless patients before, you should know that every patient is unique, every patient has a story, every patient has a trigger. They all can’t be generalized into one category. Every case is different. Because as you yourself once said, isolating them from society and keeping them away from everyone else and treating them like some time bomb actually does more harm than good. Such treatment only triggers them further, hurts them further, and dehumanizes them in a discriminatory way. So of course such a video would paint you as a hypocrite, a doctor who lies to his patients, and someone whose previous patients can no longer trust or listen to.

If you wanted to be ‘safe’ for the sake of your family, you could’ve calmly stated that you are no longer qualified or able to deal with those patients with a sound mind anymore as the incident has affected you deeply, instead of going back on all your previous words and doing exactly what you yourself said people shouldn’t do when it comes to mentally ill patients. That’s probably what your colleagues thought when they heard you.

I rest my case by saying that I love xqc to bits, that although this analysis was highly criticizing, I still understand that he himself is a victim that shouldn’t be blamed for his trauma response. Also whatever reaction or treatment he yu will give him will be 10000000% justified. Also I love meatbun for managing to write smth so complicated and intricate and deep and full of layers that can’t be understood unless peeled carefully.

#case file compendium #meatbun #meatbun doesn’t eat meat #bing an ben #bab #cfc

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riseofthecommonwoodpile · 4 years

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Warehouse of Prayers by Laura Kasischke

It’s dark in here. Please, let me out.

No, I hear him say. I want to show you. And to see it, you have to stay.

And, O, I saw it then. So many prayers. Who could answer them all? And yet

what god would have the heart to toss them out?

Yes, he says, I know. It terrifies. The silence, and the din. The tremendous weight of them. It defies

anything you might think or say

about sound about size.

But, yes, of course. Of course I’ve kept them all.

“We had gone for a walk in the dark.

Of all things, I was deeply in love with my husband! Then

something silent I couldn’t see crept out of the darkness, and bit his hand.”

The beauty of it. The great

beauty. The true beauty of it. The beauty beyond—

It’s

bitten me. I’m bleeding.

In the dark one night you felt around for your blue scarf. Its blue diffusion. Its shameless would-be sky. But it was gone.

Gone, with your watch, and your wallet, and those cheap beads. How

strange to understand, so suddenly

that none of it was yours. Not

a snippet, not a glimpse, not a bit, not

even the dust that had gathered

Amishly on it for years.

And the green lawn rolls, and the green lawn rolls to the foot of it all, to the foot of it all

telling the story of a world created by a god, who wanted to be loved but did not like to talk.

“We predicted this. Something

strapped to the chest of a child. Light pouring up from holes in the ground. A fountain

run dry, and a mild-mannered man on a rampage in July.

Still, we were confused. We

thought we’d looked for this trouble everywhere, and

never found a thing. We

believed there’d be more warning, despite the many warnings. We

deeply believed a mistake had been made.”

10.

Then, in the morning, a mannequin sitting in the rain on the neighbor’s porch. The rain on the mannequin, like so many kisses bestowed upon a corpse.

11.

No. (He takes my hand. He opens a door.)

12.

Wow, I say. So this is all—

and this is the vault in which they’ve hoarded it.

All:

What is, what was, what will be—

added to in increments. (A skyful, a pocketful, a teaspoonful, a pinch.)

13.

And still, mostly vault.

14.

The blood and the bed. The basement full of blankets. The

freezer full of meat. We

all will rise again, and all be dignified.

The vein straight through the center

of the leaf. The woody stem of a rose. The dark suburban fruit of mulberries on the lawn.

We will rise over it all, and all of it will still be here when we are gone.

15.

Hello. It’s me, Eurydice. I want to tell you about his eyes: Stupid

hopeful windows. You

idiot, I said. All this resurrection business just to have your dumb love-glance sideswipe me dead.

16.

Her boy, in the war, the gate, left open, the field full of flowers, the day, so cloudless, she couldn’t help but see the mysterious sense and emptiness of it: As a child, he was so quiet, you could have drawn a circle

around it with a piece of chalk.

You could have taken a bus to the edge of that silence, and stepped off

onto a sidewalk, made of time, and walked

for years and years, all through his childhood and still kept walking.

17.

This is the illegible scroll

on which Orpheus’ reply was written.

This

is the book, thrown from the window.

A cough.

A broken telephone.

A few notes of a song.

18.

And a woman sobbing in a hospital gown, Not fair. Just this one body, and not even the body I wanted, and still it clings to me weeping when I have to leave. Not fair.

19.

“Eurydice? Eurydice? Are you there?”

20.

RSVP: She

will not be arriving by ship of by plane. No car door slamming. No

driver to be paid. She will not be walking. Neither shall she run. Thank you for asking, but she can’t come.

21.

Please, please, please, sweetheart,

pick up the fucking phone if you’re there

22.

“The Czar was killed on the spot, as

were the Empress and the Grand Duchess Olga, neither of whom could finish making the sign of the cross.

But the daughters

wore corsets

lined with jewels. For long moments the bullets, fired at their chests,

ricocheted around the room.”

23.

Please?

24.

One day I saw the divorcée take a letter from her ex-husband. Briefly, his fingertips touched hers, and then she slipped the letter into her purse:

But, O, that purse, full of old pleasure, and that letter. Memory, like a dark hole full of feathers.

25.

“Lust, that goat in violets. Those violets like so much tenderness

scattered in the grass. Love,

that rusty chain dragging you home through your past.”

26.

A woman turns at church in her pew and tell me before the organ starts up, “I know a story about your house.”

27.

Oh? Yes?

28.

“In the forties, a farmer named Elmer Barow, in your kitchen, shot himself.”

29.

Oh, I thought, I know. I know. Time,

passing, all along— the hum of the cobwebs in the corners crocheting their intricate shrouds. The

dripping of the faucet. The blackened toast. Of

course, when we sat down at the table with our heads bowed, that

was him listening in on our prayers— Elmer

Barow with a rifle in his mouth.

30.

Always that

flash of desire, always

in the way (that

gray cat sleeping in the driveway, those

teenage girls bathing in a pond of bees)— that’s

what’s left of the freedom God had to make us, or remain free.

31.

Eurydice?

32.

In winter a woman I work with gets the idea that her hands are poisoned. She can’t touch anything anymore. She wears

gloves to bed, in case, in her sleep—

33.

No, E., of course, your hands aren’t poisoned. You cannot kill your children if you stroke their hair. You

know this, you know it.

34.

But, suddenly, gradually, myself—

everything I touch, there’s—

35.

There’s something wrong. (Not that. But something.) I

spend hours trying not to think about the something, but it’s

always there

in the shadowy tissue, in the silvery microscopic gloom, the lazy fluid slip of it, which,

released by love, billows loosely around the cerebral cortex—

a poisoned flume.

36.

Then—?

37.

“And then the day is over, and the—”

38.

And the day is over.

And in the dark I hear God say,

Laura, go ahead and pray.

39.

Okay.

40.

Okay. I— Okay. I—

Dear God, I—

offer up this prayer of dryer lint and hair.

41.

Orpheus here in a cellar made of glass. In it, with me, a blizzard of small black words. I

am sending this message to you from the world, but “This is a message from the world” is all it says.

42.

“Oh, to the teeth, sweetness is the medium, but the message is decay. Like

the soul, a hunch, wrapped in disintegration. Sweater

wool, skin cells, carpet fibers, ash, a gray

breeze: Virus,

and pollen, and ourselves

blown to breathing pieces.”

43.

And then at the petting zoo I knew

animal terror for the first time. Animal

despair: The trembling of the lamb under my trembling hand.

44.

Suddenly, God answers me!

I am made of the same thing you are, after all, and you

are made of me:

Some darkness, a supplication, a moral silence breezing

over the glassy stubble in a vacant field.

45.

“And let us not forget the petty prayers. The insatiable hunger of seagulls. The sunset

in the blood, and those

birds turning

in on themselves. Crying, reeling, happiest hungry. Let us be

you amphetamines! they scream. The market

full of fruit out of season. The locked

door of the embassy. The high

gate surrounding spring:

Please, God, I want all of it for me.”

46.

To: Orpheus Fr: Eurydice Re: Death

The babble. The cold, teeming, intangible hotel.

47.

God, do your hear that? That

bit of stitching in the wind? It unravels when you listen. Listen.

48.

The Debt Birds screeching, Insufficient! Someone shoveling snow onto a fire. A figure in a black suit swinging a lantern through the dark

in arcs, coming closer, and closer.

And my mother standing by the lilac

(the lilac, which is the suburb’s lyric poem

about death) talking

to a man she never met. I

overhear him say, Whatever

crazy sorrow saith.

49.

“No one was crying, no one was bleeding, but the mail had been dumped in the street, and

someone’s husband a few blocks over was shouting loudly about accountability.

Shadows stuffed into envelopes— as when the forest creeps to the edge of the freeway, perfectly tamed, finally revealed,

and the wild illegal animals people keep as pets,

escape, are seen.”

50.

Jesus Christ, this stuff is everywhere!

51.

Excuse me.

I couldn’t help but overhear your prayer...

52.

“What the bloody hell is this? Someone must have written down every word ever said, then

shredded every word ever written.”

53.

O, honey, O, lovely, O, please. It’s me,

Orpheaus, again, Eurydice.

54.

“Okay, now what we need here is a warehouse, or an abyss. Which one of you guys can get on this—

ASAP?”

55.

trying to hold fire. Like

trying to hold perfume. Like

wearing fog to work. Like

stoppering a bottleful of light—

trying to talk to God.

56.

“Hello. Yeah. It’s me. Is he in? We’ve got a major mess on our hands.”

57.

“Shit. Shit. Is he ever in?”

58.

Like stoppering a bottleful of light. Like wearing fog to work. Like trying to hold perfume. Like

trying to hold fire—

to make the simplest goddamned contact with—

59.

O, wait, look after all— that

warehouse, that

abyss, and

a beautiful naked stranger diligently trying

to ladle the oceans into it.

#laura kasischke #i typed this whole thing out on my old blog so #here it is #my favorite poem

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38-planes · 7 years

Text

The Wild Child Of “Come From Away”

Logo: New Now Next [April 3, 2017]

Jenn Colella, one of Broadway’s few out leading ladies, talks playing a real-life hero, making out with Idina Menzel, and lesbians in open relationships.

On September 11, 2001, after terrorists flew jets into the World Trade Center and the Pentagon, authorities closed United States airspace to all air traffic. In the remote Canadian town of Gander, Newfoundland, 38 passenger jets suddenly landed on the airstrip, and were grounded until further notice.

Instead of treating them as intruders, the town opened its homes and hearts to 7,000 strangers from all over the world. By the time the visitors departed, cultures had come together and lifelong friendships had formed.

The hit musical Come From Away tells this sprawling story with a foot-stomping Celtic band and a dozen versatile actors portraying some 50 real-life characters, many of whom flew in from Newfoundland to dance onstage with the actors on opening night.

The show packs a political punch at this ungenerous moment in America—a point that hung in the air when Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau invited Donald Trump to attend a recent performance. (The President declined but sent Ivanka.) Critics took the musical’s subtext to heart. The Washington Post called it “an exuberant antidote for what ails the American soul.”

For extra exuberance, there’s star Jenn Colella, one of Broadway’s few out lesbian leading ladies. In Come From Away, Colella sings her heart out as real-life pilot Beverley Bass, one of the pilots who landed at Gander on 9/11. But Colella, 43, been attracting fangirls ever since she rode a mechanical bull in Urban Cowboy, rocked the butch title role in The Beebo Brinker Chronicles, and played one-half of a lesbian couple in If/Then.

On the phone in her dressing room before a recent performance, with her girlfriend chiming in, Colella told us about her life as an irresistible wild child, from her current relationship à trois to the occasional makeout session with Idina Menzel.

How would you describe the story of Come From Away?

Jen Colella: For me, it’s about welcoming people because they need help. I don’t know where we got away from the habit of being kind, but kindness and compassion is where we live. We all have access to it, and it requires practice.

How was it for the cast when Justin Trudeau and Ivanka Trump came to the show? How was it for you?

It was extraordinary to have them here, and have them together. People are drawn to this show who know that everyone is good at heart, people who are drawn to a sort of kindness movement that’s in the air right now. Justin knows that’s the best possible way to lead people, and I believe Ivanka does as well, or else she wouldn’t have joined.

Did you speak with Ivanka?

We didn’t. It was Justin’s night. He made a speech before, and I believe Ivanka ducked out a little early out of respect, so as not to take anything away from him. But the show is direct address–we can see the audience very clearly. She was truly enjoying herself and smiling and laughing and crying and was really in it, so I know she had a good time.

You play Captain Beverley Bass, who blazed her own trails as the first female captain for American Airlines. She seems like the most clearly defined hero in Come From Away. How did you two meet?

After our final preview [at La Jolla Playhouse], Beverley and her husband Tom arrived at a restaurant across the street. We spotted one another from across the room. She came over and said, “I think you’re playing me,” and I said, “I think you’re right!” I’m so grateful that they’ve chosen me to play this badass pioneer for women. I feel the privilege and responsibility of it.

Like all the actors, you play several characters in Come From Away. Aside from Captain Beverley, you play this enchantingly gay-looking woman in a T-shirt and vest. Was my gaydar going off correctly with that character, or is she just Canadian?

She’s just Canadian! Actually that character, Annette, is quite male-crazy. She likes the men that come off these planes. But I have faith that Annette would be open to women as well. I’m going to throw that into the show tonight and see how it plays.

I was googling you, and the first thing I saw was this hashtag: #jennfuckingcolella. Do you have lesbian fangirls?

I do, and it feels so good! Everybody’s respectful, but, yes, to receive that kind of energy from women fuels me. It feels, again, like a privilege and a responsibility. And I’m so thrilled that I’m out and the age that I am, and I feel confident and capable to be a good role model for gay women.

How do women reach out to you?

Some fans will see shows many, many times. I have one awesome fan—I don’t know if these people are even gay, to tell you the truth—but one girl has my signature tattooed over her heart.

I’d say that’s a clue.

She hasn’t come out to me, you know? So I don’t want to assume. But I get a lot of baked goods, sweet cards, flowers. Chicks are so good at gifts, right? I ride a scooter around town, because I’m like a 12-year-old, and one of my fans actually presented me with a new scooter. Yeah, they mean it. It’s awesome.

Let’s go back to the tattoo: Did you autograph her chest and then she went and got the autograph tattooed?

She’d seen If/Then many, many times. She said, “Hey, will you sign this piece of paper for me?” I did, and then later she came back and showed me her tattoo. Isn’t that awesome?

You sometimes subbed in for Idina Menzel as the lead in If/Then. What was that like?

Idina is an amazing person, and super sweet and fun. She and I like to flirt a lot. We made out a couple of times, which was super, super hot and fun. I like to tell as many people that as possible. Great kisser.

How exactly did that come to pass?

The best part is, my girlfriend is in the dressing room with me right now, and she keeps looking up and giving me these like sexy little smiles. Anyway, Idina’s straight—mostly—in the way that I’m mostly gay. And I would just wear her down at parties, just walk by and say, “We should make out.” Just trying to constantly put little seeds into her beautiful brain. She took me up on it once or twice.

Aside from making out, did you and Idina ever sing together?

Onstage, we had many opportunities to sing together, and that voice is just inimitable.

As is yours. In fact, speaking of Idina’s great roles, did you ever do Elphaba the witch, in Wicked?

People are always asking me that! I finally had to tell them to stop asking me to come in, because I am terrified that I would lose my mind and my voice. I’m going to leave that to those professional belters and try to save this loud-ass belt that I’ve got for as long as possible.

Although it would be really cool to do a gay Elphaba.

I hear you. I hadn’t thought about that. You know what, though, I want to play Bobby in Company. [A 2016 London production reversed genders to feature a woman in the famous leading role of a commitment-phobic bachelor and the loves of his New York circle of friends.]

Your girlfriend’s listening in, so she’ll appreciate this. What kind of woman is attractive to you? Do you have a type?

I like people who are balanced in their masculine and feminine energies. I like girly girls who aren’t afraid to wear ripped jeans and play in the mud. I joked when my girlfriend got here, “You dressed like a little dyke for me today!” She’s wearing ripped jeans and her big belt and a cut Women’s March t-shirt. Yeah! Then as I’m getting older, I realize that what I find sexy is someone who’s smart and kind and funny. I’m attracted to the whole world, is the truth.

Any quality in a woman that’s a deal breaker for you?

Yeah. An unawareness, right? If someone treats a server unkindly—snaps at a server, or anyone in the service industry—that is such a deal breaker for me. I can’t.

Does your girlfriend like seeing you in uniform as Captain Beverley onstage?

[She repeats the question to her girlfriend.] She likes seeing me in everything.

I was going to ask you about starring in The Beebo Brinker Chronicles [the 2008 Off-Broadway adaptation of Ann Bannon’s iconic novels of lesbians before Stonewall]. Has anyone ever talked about filming it?

Lily Tomlin was one of our producers on that play, and she and Jane Wagner talked about possibly filming it during that time, but I haven’t heard any more about it. So, yeah, we can put that back out in the universe as well.

Definitely. Those lesbian pulp paperback days were very sexy.

True. That was one of the sexiest shows I’ve ever worked on. It was fun to be the butch lesbian that all the girls were swooning over.

Not that different from your real life, is it?

[Laughing] It was fun to have that as my job.

I know I’m asking in front of your girlfriend, but do you see yourself in the future marrying and quote unquote settling down? Are you interested in kids?

I’ve been married a couple of times.

To women?

Yeah. My joke is, chicks love it when you propose. I had two wonderful marriages, and I’m a big fan of the institution of marriage if it is truly an equal partnership. But my girlfriend and I are in an open relationship, and that feels really lovely and right for me right now.

So you’re both seeing other people?

She’s actually married to a man. I’m kind of dating them both. They have a little kid whom I adore. And I’m also dating someone else, and, you know, my girlfriend just got on OKCupid, and it’s all very open. There’s a lot of respect and a lot of communication and a lot of trust. It’s quite lovely.

Usually lesbians can’t do that, at least the lesbians I know. Gay men can stay together 50 years, and they manage to keep their exterior lives very hot and vital and yet preserve these lasting relationships. What’s different about you that you can do that?

What I’ve found is that if women are intimate with one another, there’s such an emotional connection that happens. That’s what can be scary for the primary partner: If you have an emotional connection with someone else, how is there going to be any room left for me? But our hearts are much more open and capacious than we give them credit for. There’s no better or best in my world of love. I have boundless love. So the more I can trust myself and love myself, and trust and love my partners, then I’m finding there’s an infinite amount to explore.

Come From Away is now on Broadway at the Schoenfeld Theatre

#come from away #jenn colella #logo tv #new now next #article #interview

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watchstandpray · 6 years

Text

From the Creator of Watch Stand Pray

Though the subtitle reads “Moral Motivation”, I do not consider myself any moral authority by any means. Morality is a topic society is hungry for. It would be a crime not to spread the news: Morals are good.

Note that the title is not “Moral Perfection”. I write these words to myself as much as to everyone else. As the words suggest, this work is both a motivation for morals and a set of moral-centered motivationals.

I was inspired by my many students and friends, as well as Oswald Chambers. I was introduced to his work when a kind of spiritual grandmother in my life gave me a copy as I went off to Moody. My Utmost for His Highest, the gold standard of Bible-based devotionals, was a collection of notes from Chambers’ widow; our loved ones often know our best values best. He died at 43 years old of a health condition. His first book, Biblical Psychology, was published five years before that. If he could address both Bible and culture at such a young age, I can too.

I write this at 37 years old. When I first wrote this Introduction, I had only finished the first read, drafted about eleven other candidate reads, and had a list of about 180 for other topics, at least 100 of them Bible Theology topics. Most of those are rants I have given to friends on more than one occasion. It seems, according to the fact that his wife took notes of what he would say at home, Oswald was a bit of a “ranter” like myself. What writer/teacher isn’t?

My father would also go on “wisdom rants”. He called them “little Walter thoughts”. Our family treasures them today. Toward the end of his life, he started to write them down, but most of what he said remains only in memory. I don’t want that for my own ideas for future generations. Although I have written political columns, Bible teachings of many kinds, fiction, and numerous other pieces in various genres, nothing I ever wrote before this really had “Jesse thoughts”. This does.

Oswald Chambers brought us all something special. His daily readings aren’t just “Bible study”. They were real, passionate, and natural from the moment. Those kinds of “household wisdom rants” have the strongest “didactic” teaching impact in childhood. Some of our best books are the ones we don’t know we write. Oswald remains unique in the devotional world.

The lesser among devotionals can often be with cliche, are quite dry, belong best under dust on a coffee table’s lower shelf, or were invaluable for readers from another time. Many good Bible devotionals are aimed at novice Bible readers who love Jesus and need elementary teaching to enrich their busy, hectic lives. There are many rich daily-Bible books, such as 365 Read-Aloud Bedtime Bible Stories, the “Uncle” Arthor Maxwell collections, and it goes without mention that Max Lucado and my dear friend, Joe Stowell, are generally awesome. But, all of these are heavily focused on traditional Bible-preaching topics.

What about the professional? What about the Christian who wants to minister through the marketplace or in government? Wisdom such as, “Make sure you’re nice to people because God really loves you as much as them,” carries truth that can be properly applied if we take it to heart; but it doesn’t necessarily answer all challenges of the working professional.

Who disciples the Daniels and Josephs? Who motivates the motivational speakers? They weren’t without mentors of their own. Without any spite, I believe there is a “red ocean” marketable need for a book that daily enriches the lives of self-proclaimed “Christian yuppies”. I wanted “Tony Robins meets Oswald Chambers”. Frankly, that’s Jesse Steele.

Oswald Chambers didn’t intend to write the book he wrote. That was part of its magic. The only reason that I can justify even being worthy to want to follow in his shoes is that every one of these 365 reads—353 of them yet-to-be-drafted—are from rants I have already made. I’m doing zero research and zero outlining for these devotionals. I’m simply sitting at a keyboard and pounding out “repeating broken record rants” of my past that people have thanked me for time and again. The book will be finished as fast as I can type. (Now we know how long it took.)

(Don’t tell her, but this is arguably a romance tactic. If I publish all my brilliant ideas before I meet my future wife, that might deter her from taking notes while I’m ranting. Wouldn’t that have been kind of funny—a young couple getting into it when the wife suddenly pulls out a pad of paper and starts taking notes? Just sayin’. But, I kinda’ like that kinda’ woman.)

No, I’m not married. I just haven’t had time to pursue it, being too busy with other important things that I won’t have time for in the future. So, how can I even include anything about marriage and family in these readings?

I am a son and an uncle, for what it’s worth. I hope I’m valuable to my nieces and nephews. Still, I severely limit myself on the topic of raising a family. I can’t speak to the 24/7 parenting gig; it’s exhausting just to think about. But, if it is wrong to write wisdom for children when you don’t have any of your own then most of CS Lewis’ work would be unqualified.

In terms of marriage, I am just an inquisitive observer. I’ve often picked the brains of married couples to see what works for them, why they fail, why they succeed, and I often know more about what goes on behind the scenes than people realize. I’m somewhat of the grapevine in that sense. I don’t think God would let those little “bees” buzz over and keep me so informed if I flapped jaw about other people’s problems. I keep a tighter lip than most will ever know. Many a secret will go to my grave with me. From those secrets, I have a wide scope of what I have seen fail and succeed. I think it would be a crime not to share at least a little from that insight.

These reads contain the warnings and wisdom anyone can see in advance, with a little diligence and “grapevining”. I’ll probably write a post-parenting book on how it all worked out. My mother often told me with all sincerity and no animosity, “I can’t wait to see how your ideas actually work out when you’re a parent.”

What do I have to say about being a father?

I write this not as a father, but as a godfather of a godson whose father left him forever when he was three, to whom I gave my name. I have none of the rights nor powers of a real father, yet I carry much of the responsibility. I have no influence in his regular instruction or situation. I am only available when called on and can only act in the capacity of a commentator and cheerleader. In many ways, I wish I had even some of the powers of a real father to David, with no second thought for the burdens that would come with them. I did not ask for him to be my godson and I cannot ask to be released. I only write about the topic of fathering because no devotional would be complete without it. In this, I write from what I little I do know and from what the Bible teaches. I hope that God grants you the powers to glean from my wisdom and disregard my lacking.

But, I am no novice to these matters either.

My grandmother was called “Grandma” even by her elders because of her wide and long work with children in her local church. Even after she died, my aunt’s neighbor, who barely knew her, had a dream in which she called her “Grandma”. My mother was listed in the local newspaper among the top ten local daycare providers. My own babysitter, from before I entered elementary school, was a leader in her community and I am still in touch with her to this day. We often talk about dealing with people as we never stop growing up.

During the ages of nine and ten, when I was homeschooled, I listened to Dr. Kevin Leman on the radio every day as parents called into his national talk radio program for advice. Sadly, yet honestly, I believed I have studied the subject of parenting more than most parents. In addition to that, I have twenty-three years of one-on-one tutoring experience with ages ranging from five to seventy and in three different cultures. I have seen many parenting styles, what fails and what succeeds, and I say confidently as humbly: It’s all predictable.

Books have already been published about most every problem and conflict. Talk radio hosts, even the less famous, have addressed many challenges. Yet, most of the people who face great challenges in family relationships rarely seek advice, let alone seek advice in advance. Not seeking advice in advance is usually among the greatest problems in family. Never have I encountered a situation where my own counsel had not already been published by men more experienced than I. When it comes to family, I have absolutely nothing new to say, yet I think I have seen one quarter of all there is to see, the total being unfathomable.

I do not have experience as a husband or as a biological father. I can’t speak from impure relations either. I can only speak from the perspective of one who has the wisdom to wait for things for which I know I am not prepared. Of all the experience I lack, the greatest is preventable and unnecessary failure. For the failures I have, I am glad I was at least absent from the bleachers and present on the game field.

Aside from parenting, I feel competent in the areas of which I write. I survived nine years overseas with my only financial plan being God as my provider. Everything I write about money came from what I have observed in life and read in the Bible. The same goes for leadership, whether organizationally, in business relations, friendship, or positions of authority such as controlling a classroom or working in government.

My work speaks for itself, including the fifteen other books I have written as of 2018, all of them available as ebooks and through print on demand, as well as the inkVerb and PinkWrite projects along with many others. I have a degree in Bible, ten years of work in food service, twenty years in education, and am a pianist of thirty. I am son to a widowed mother and Military Police renaissance-man and teacher of a father. I am a brother, uncle, godfather, Linux programmer, designer, podcaster, columnist, predictor of politics, adviser to unnamed few, ESL and piano teacher, forever student, individual sport enthusiast, hands-on student of culture, lover of people almost as much as I am lover of our Creator God, sinner, mentor, friend, hunter, tamer of animals, writer, editor, survivor, and hope-to-be-better every day all-around good guy.

I write this at 37 years old. At this time, I have only drafted the first read, about eleven other candidate reads, and have a list of about 180 for other topics, at least 100 of them Bible Theology topics. Most of these are rants I have given to friends on more than one occasion. It seems, according to the fact that his wife took notes of what he would say at home, Oswald was a bit of a “ranter” like myself. What writer/teacher isn’t?

My father would also go on “wisdom rants”. He called them “little Walter thoughts”. We treasure them today. Toward the end of his life, he started to write them down, but most of what he said remains only in memory. I don’t want that. Although I have written political, Bible, fiction, and numerous other pieces in various genres, nothing really had “Jesse thoughts”. This does.

Oswald Chambers brought something special. His daily readings aren’t just “Bible study”. They were real, passionate, and natural from the moment. Those kinds of “household wisdom rants” have the strongest “didactic” teaching impact in childhood. Some of our best books are the ones we don’t know we write. Oswald remains unique in the devotional world.

The lesser among devotionals can be filled with cliche, quite dry, belong best under dust on a coffee table’s lower shelf, or were invaluable for readers from another time. Many good Bible devotionals are aimed at novice Bible readers who love Jesus and need elementary teaching to enrich their busy, hectic lives. There are many rich daily-Bible books, such as 365 Read-Aloud Bedtime Bible Stories, the “Uncle” Arthor Maxwell collections, and it goes without mention that Max Lucado and my good friend, Joe Stowell, are generally awesome. But, all of these are heavily focused on traditional Bible-preaching topics.

Who disciples the Daniels and Josephs? Who motivates the motivational speakers? They weren’t without mentors of their own. Without any spite, I believe there is a “red ocean” marketable need for a book that daily enriches the lives of self-proclaimed Christian yuppies. I wanted “Tony Robins meets Oswald Chambers”. Frankly, that’s Jesse Steele.

Oswald Chambers didn’t intend to write the book he wrote. That was part of its magic. The only reason that I can justify even being worthy to follow in his shoes is that every one of these 365 reads—353 of them yet-to-be-drafted—are from rants I have already made. I’m doing zero research and zero outlining for these devotionals. I’m simply sitting at a keyboard and pounding out “broken record rants” of my past that people have thanked me for time and again. The book will be finished as fast as I can type.

I am a son and an uncle, for what it’s worth. I hope I’m valuable to my nieces and nephews. Still, I severely limit myself to the topic of raising a family. I can’t speak to the 24/7 gig; it’s exhausting just to think about. But, if it is wrong to write wisdom for children when you don’t have any of your own then most of CS Lewis’ work would be unqualified.

In terms of marriage, I am just an inquisitive observer. I’ve often picked the brains of married couples to see what works for them, why they fail, and I often know more about what goes on behind the scenes than people realize. I’m somewhat of the grapevine in that sense. I don’t think God would let those little “bees” buzz over and keep me so informed if I flapped jaw about other people’s problems. I keep a tighter lip than most will ever know. Many a secret will go to my grave with me. From those secrets, I have a wide scope of what I have seen fail and succeed. I think it would be a crime not to share at least a little from that insight.

These reads contain the warnings and wisdom anyone can see in advance, with a little diligence. I’ll probably write a post-parenting book on how it all worked out. My mother often told me with all sincerity and no animosity, “I can’t wait to see how your ideas actually work out when you’re a parent.”

What do I have to say about being a father?

But, I am no novice to these matters either.

During the ages of nine and ten, when I was homeschooled, I listened to Dr. Kevin Leman on the radio every day as parents called into his national talk radio program for advice. Sadly, yet honestly, I believed I have studied the subject of parenting more than most parents. In addition to that, I have twenty years of one-on-one tutoring experience with ages ranging from five to seventy and in three different cultures. I have seen many parenting styles, what fails and what succeeds, and I say confidently as humbly: It’s all predictable.

Books have already been published about every problem and conflict. Talk radio hosts, even the less famous, have addressed many challenges. Yet, most of the people who face great challenges in family relationships rarely seek advice, let alone seek advice in advance. Not seeking advice in advance is usually among the greatest problems in family. Never have I encountered a situation where my own counsel had not already been published by men more experienced than I. When it comes to family, I have absolutely nothing new to say, yet I think I have seen one quarter of all there is to see, the total being unfathomable.

Aside from parenting, I feel competent in the areas of which I write. I survived nine years overseas with my only financial plan being God as my provider. Everything I write about money came from what I have seen in life and read in the Bible. The same goes for leadership, whether organizationally, in business relations, friendship, or positions of authority such as controlling a classroom.

My work speaks for itself, including the fifteen other books I have written as of 2018, all of them available as ebooks and through print on demand, as well as the inkVerb and PinkWrite projects along with many others. I have a degree in Bible, ten years of work in food service, twenty years in education, and am a pianist of thirty. I am son to a widowed mother and Military Police renaissance-man and teacher of father, brother, uncle, godfather, Linux programmer, designer, podcaster, columnist, predictor of politics, adviser to unnamed few, ESL and piano teacher, forever student, individual sport enthusiast, hands-on student of culture, lover of people almost as much as I am lover of our Creator God, sinner, mentor, friend, hunter, tamer of animals, writer, editor, survivor, and hope-to-be-better every day all-around good guy.

— Jesse Steele Creator of Watch Stand Pray

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