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lesbianologist · 4 years

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so i just finished tlwgq the other day and holy fuck i don’t know what to think so i’m going to dissect it a bit because i have a lot of thoughts. and i’m saving my favourites for last. some i’m just going to share the clear.... “arch” and not the character i guess??? idk.

1. micah: love his character development and i love that they’re showing the struggle of a trans man with his mother. he seems really cool and i hope they explore his story in greater depth (i do hope that they shy away from any overt violence towards him bc i think it would be tokenizing him... idk). i don’t enjoy his story arch with josé though. i hope this isn’t a storyline of like “we’re (josé & his husband) poly/open and i didn’t want to tell you”.

2. finley: a downright fucking mess. jesus. from being awkward to downright having no moral or ethical code re: dating, hookups, partying, etc. finley genuinely has a problem with alcohol as well as how religion and family ties into being gay. i hope that she figures it out bc honestly it is really making me hate her character. the worst scene for me was when she let tessa relapse. immediately i fucking hated her. even moreso with sophie.

3. tess: so sweet. i really felt my heart break for her when her gf cheated on her with shane. also fuck shane for that. seriously. i want her to find a nice girl to be with. i like gigi. i think they’d be kinda cute together. i want to see more of her arch though re: alcohol addiction and i want to see her flourish.

4. sophie: complicated character. i like her but i don’t think she’s matched well. she doesn’t seem to fit with anyone, dani or finley included, but i didn’t like that she cheated on dani with finley. it also just.... seemed to come out of nowhere. one day they’re platonic friends, and the next they’re kissing and fucking. i don’t like it. it just also seemed wildly out of character. curious to see what happens with her, next. i want them to develop her background a bit more. flesh her character out more.

5. shane/quiara: should not be together, clearly. shane is CF, wants to remain CF, and is a prime example of someone being pressured into parenthood when they shouldn’t be. i don’t think quiara and shane even had a bit of chemistry, at all, imo. shane seemed fine with sleeping with other women (per usual) but a bit more on the mopey side. i want shane with someone like shane. i don’t like this arch so far. that being said, imo, i think shane would make a good parent and i think maybe she needs to meet someone who she has that genuine connection with and then she realizes she does want kids. something like that. idk.

6. alice/nat/gigi: not much to say about each individually. i don’t like nat. i really like gigi but that’s superficial (i think she’s really fucking hot lmao). i wanted to see more of alice on her own, but her story immediately started off with her co-parenting with nat, and she doesn’t seem fit to be it. if they want to go that route of alice being a parent, i want them to fully commit to it; more scenes with the kids, and more talks with bette about raising kids. if they aren’t, and alice is going to be CF, i want alice with someone who’s CF (don’t suggest shane, i’m not into that). imo more than anyone i think alice should be CF, i don’t see her as a parent.

7. tina: kinda hoping she’s not permanent because i have never really liked tina. she has always seemed mismatched for bette and i know people love them together but i never liked tina with bette. i know bette is deeply attached to her and probably considers tina her person, but this season proved that tina clearly does not feel the same way. tina didn’t support bette when kit died (fuck you tina) and fell for someone else (understandable but poor bette holy fuck). it just feels as if tina and bette are destined to not be together and i hope s2 finally introduces tina’s new partner and bette can move the fuck on.

8. dani: probably definitely my favourite character so far. she 100% reminds me of a young bette. hot as hell. power lesbian, top energy. i am really loving the arch of “bad girl to good girl”, the kind of villain turned superhero arch. it’s fascinating to see. i want to see more interaction and dialogue with her and her dad and i hope maybe there could be a change with his tendencies???? it’d be nice to see a dad actually try and learn.

9. dani/sophie: bad couple. little to no genuine chemistry. sophie seems overbearing and demanding. dani is very much a bette ™ type and i think internalizes everything with the exception of those who are like her (i think this is an mbti personality thing) while sophie wants excess communication and i think dani wants someone who just “gets” her without talking. i don’t see them lasting, especially after what sophie did. i have no doubt dani will find out about that, too, but probably not from sophie.

(i’m not reviewing bette because she’s bette and i love her so let’s get on to what the season appeared to be hinting at.....)

10. dani/bette: sparks galore imo. they have a genuine attraction and likeness that grows throughout the season. they share a lot in common in terms of ethical beliefs and their love for art, and they began to know each others’ coffee orders, too. it’s hard to tell if it’s reciprocated by bette yet, considering the age gap and how wrapped up in the electoral race bette was. but there are moments that i’ve noticed lingering looks that she usually only gives to someone she has sexual chemistry or compatibility with. at times i wonder if she notices that dani’s been eyeing her, metaphorically (and literally) from across the room. dani is almost always smiling at her indirectly (shane’s party, while she was on alice’s show, and almost every time she’s on stage or talking to a crowd). this was hinted at by bette’s worker, after the bigger scandel broke (bette pushing that guy) and her coworker said “this is different for you, she got to you” or something. it was a slight nod towards “i can tell you’re attracted to her”. dani doesn’t even seem to fully acknowledge it herself, expressing that it’s just admiration. but this seems to change towards the end of the season. i loved the scene where bette was watching dani from across a quiet room, alone, and she was smiling to herself. to me, it seemed more of an attraction, particularly when she decided to casually chat with dani. but i really hope they don’t use bette as a surrogate mother for dani. when bette hugged her it read fairly maternal which grossed me out with the conflicting hints of mutual attraction, particularly the line before that when bette said that they’re “far past” a professional relationship. it also conflicted with what i felt by the end of the season, when i felt more confident that bette was noticing dani and felt growing attraction to her. i noticed bette’s lingering looks more strongly at the coffee shop while dani answered her phone (bette’s eyes followed dani), and especially when dani was at bette’s house and she offered her a whiskey. fuck, even when bette raised her eyebrows when dani said “yes” and then dani saw the eyebrow raise and immediately added “please”. i genuinely thought they were going to start to drink (and they did!) together and then sleep together (didn’t, darn it. oh well.). now that the electoral race is over, i think (and hope) they’re going to find more ways to run into each other and realize that even though they’re “finished” the race, they aren’t finished with each other. i think they’re very similar, they have a unique connection (by the end of the season they know the others’ coffee orders), and they have a genuine chemistry that appears to be reciprocated on some level. it could be interesting too, seeing that we’ve only seen dani topping sophie, and knowing that bette is more of a top herself. two tops with insane chemistry? both of who have a very similar personality, interests, and moral/ethical beliefs? plus dani constantly being enough of a top to call bette on her shit and make her hold herself accountable? they’re perfect for each other. i know age gaps are controversial but they’re both adults and it could be great exposure for agr’s if dani is the one to initiate “it”. please, tlwgq gods, make #danette happen and make them endgame. i beg of you.

#personal #tlwgq #tlw gen q #the l word #the l world generation q #danette #dani x bette

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coelakanths · 4 years

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I'm so curious— my mom almost converted us to mormonism back when I was in elementary school because of her really nice coworker... If you would like to tell me things I will listen.

of course!

fair warning that this is my personal experience with mormonism and people are different in every ward! also this is all over the place and long bc im angry and very VERY glad that you didnt join lmao

i was born into mormonism- my parents grew up in it and both went on missions and were overall two very religious people. im not being hyperbolic or exaggerating when i say that mormonism is a cult. there are plenty of red flags from everything to controlling the inner parts of your life (the word of wisdom and modesty laws- more on those later) to making you pay to get into heaven (tithing).

i dont know too much about other religions/sects of christianity but im pretty sure that tithing, while it is a thing elsewhere, isnt as heavily enforced as it is in mormonism. the basic premise that they explained to me was that god gave you everything, so you can afford to give a little back (which is! super guilt trippy!!) and therefore you need to give ten percent of all the money you get to the church. they often say this goes to helping the homeless/building temples, and although it does, they also use it on giant malls and have about 2 billion in the bank.

you need to be a full tithe payer if you want a temple reccomend and you need a temple reccomend to get married in the temple and you need to get married in the temple (a good cishet marriage, mind you) to get into what mormons think is the highest part of heaven, the celestial kingdom.

there is a lot i could go into from here. a LOT. but i think one of the biggest and most disgusting things to me is the rampant racism in it.

there are many scriptures demonizing dark skin. i will let these speak for themselves. when we went over one such scripture during family home evening (an event happening on sundays or mondays most frequently to read scriptures as a family) my grandparents brushed it off by saying “..but thats obviously just a metaphor.” the racism is never mentioned. nobody ever acknowledges it, or the fact that black people were first allowed in the temple in the 1960s DUE TO SOCIAL PRESSURE. cannot make this shit up.

lets go onto sexism shall we!

modesty is a big thing in mormonism. young girls are taught (i was taught) that you need to cover up because boys cannot control themselves and need to keep their bodies pure so they can hold the priesthood. we were literally taught at ages as young as 8 that boys could not stop themselves from looking at our bodies.

some things that girls arent allowed to wear include: things without sleeves, things that show your midriff, and shorts that go above your knee (this one isnt enforced too much but is still a source of guilt). for eight year olds.

also! women are not allowed to hold the priesthood. priesthood is an essential part of mormonism. also also!! young women (12-18) meet together every wednesday for activities, same goes for young men. young men are taught life skills and camping tips, older boys go on things called high adventures where they get to go somewhere as a group and do a bunch of cool shit. young women sit inside and make crafts and are told about how to be good wives.

for lgbt issues, literally just look up elder oakes. i hate him with a passion. he deserves to rot. hes also extremely abelist and minimizes problems because “your body will be perfect in heaven.”

i could also get into how missionaries often prey on people in bad situations (recovering from addiction, after the lost of a loved one, etc) because theyre vulnerable and looking for safety and closure that they cannot get but thats a topic for another day.

and in less serious matters, the word of wisdom sucks. you cant have coffee or tea (even uncaffeinated tea is frowned upon, including most sodas. i have had coca cola once in my life and it was at a nevermo’s birthday party. felt guilty for weeks.) or alcohol. you also cant swear, get married if youre gay, be transgender, or break gender norms without being ostracized.

also! when youre eight you get locked in a room with a usually 40+ man who asks you questions about your sexuality, including invasive questions such as “have you been raped” and, if so, “did you enjoy it?” eight year olds. a man who spoke out against these questions was excommunicated.

so! tl;dr mormonism is much worse than people think it is and i am literally traumatized from growing up with this shit. it is sexist, racist, and extremely homophobic. run by old white pieces of shit. i hate it and you should too!

#this is a lot aldjsldjsl #long post #exmo #exmormon #apostate #this doesnt even cover it all #asks

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ambitchiovs · 4 years

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lenny back at it again… i warned y’all about the intros dump. anyway, off to this bitch:

&&. isn’t that [ DEBORAH ANN WOLL ] walking around the hamptons? oh no, nevermind it’s just [ ADELAIDE MONTSERRAT ]. y'know, the [ 19 ] year old [ CIS FEMALE ] known to be quite [ CHARISMATIC and DETERMINED ] but also [ CUNNING and RUTHLESS ]. currently, the police has them as [ A PERSON OF INTEREST ] in the case of samantha wheeler, because they [ WERE PART OF SAMANTHA’S FRIEND GROUND ]. but they go on about their life as [ A STUDENT ]. i wonder what secrets they’re keeping? [ lenny/23/gmt+3/she/her ]

TW: eating disorders, addiction, mental disorders, possible suicidal thoughts/mentions

DON’T YOU EVER TAME YOUR DEMONS, ALWAYS KEEP THEM ON A LEASH.

In the eyes of Adelaide Montserrat, there was never a girl to be found. If you dare to pry, you will not find what strangers see when they pass her by the crowd. You will look into a bottomless void that threatens to swallow you whole and it will look back at you with smiling teeth. Little Addie, once a girl with pink tutu’s and ballerina shoes, was never one to be meddled with - she would captivate all her teachers and classmates with rosy cheeks and a clever tongue beyond her years, but there was nothing warm or kind about the little girl whose parents held so close she nearly choked to death.

History goes, her father — her biological father, anyhow, was a very powerful politician before he dropped dead. Nobody really knows what happened that night - all everybody seems to know is that all her loved ones seem to fall like dominoes. Her father died when she was 16, during a robbery. The men were never caught, but little Adelaide was left bawling into her mother’s lap. Surprising as it may be, she was actually the product of a one night stand and poor lack of judgement, or so her mother likes to tell her - but Catherine Montserrat was no fool, and she took him for all he had - and as it turns out… That was a lot.

That doesn’t come cheap, for Adelaide, anyways. Being a part of a new family meant she now had a new player to share her inheritance with - and damned if she didn’t do everything she could to throw them off the board. In the eyes of her parents, she could do no wrong - she was pure and pristine and everything they hoped their little girl would be. You’d assume being the younger sibling meant competing for attention - but she never competed. She never even considered it a competition. She won, plain and simple. Her half brother, that man who called himself her “father” now were but pebbles in her shoes, nuisances she had to navigate through to continue on with her luxurious lifestyle. They didn’t understood her, didn’t particularly wanted to, and it was easier to smear on some foundation and bake it with powder than let explain why her skin was cracking. It was easier to strap on those old ballerina shoes and put on a show until her toes were bleeding, than to try and show them what was behind the curtains. And all jewelry in the world, all praise, all money and countless designer bags she accumulated every year could never fill up that gaping hole, that detachment she felt towards the outside world and inability to connect with things and people - even those supposedly closest to her.

You see, Adelaide didn’t lose, because she tailored the game to her whims and batted her heavy set of lashes to make it seem fair. And if she did lose - the game be damned; she’d destroy it and any evidence of her failure with the wrath of a woman scorned. She didn’t want to be a little sister, or a daughter, or something for men to gawk at. She wanted to be something else. Anything other than this vile thing dripping with self-loathing , cloaked in a veil of perfectionism. Something that wasn’t rammed into this golden mold before she even took her very first breath.

Addie’s behavior as well as their parents favoritism only blurred the lines between love and hate between the half-siblings, complicating her understanding of relationships even further. And it certainly didn’t help that her new brother was just as stubborn and competitive as she was. The children were picture perfect, carrying on the legacy of their parents on their backs as if it weighed no more than a feather - while whatever had been good or soft in them began to rot.

But just who is Adelaide Montserrat? The reincarnation of the Virgin Mary to most. The girl with perfect hair, perfect hair and a perfect family. In truth, Adelaide could be seen only as a terror taken human form to those who opposed her, and a perfect, exemplary girl for those who keep a safe distance. What she is, what she truly is, is a game of smoking mirrors - a fragmented girl, scattered into so many pieces to cater to the whims of crowds, that now, when she looks into a mirror, the image that looks back is something recognizable; distorted.

Fueled by her own securities and desire to obtain perfection, paired with the crowd of rich kids that were offered to her as friends growing up, it didn’t take for things to escalate; by the age of only fourteen, poisoning their blood with alcohol, snorting up enough cocaine so she had to carry around wipes and kicking each other in the stomach while crouching over the toilet became somehow ordinary. Encouraged, even. All that deep-rooted self-hatred had to spill someway, somehow. She grew to resent how boys were granted more freedom, more room to misbehave and make mistake. She resented girls for being themselves, for not wanting to scream every second of every day. And she resented Samantha for how genuinely she could smile - for how easily everything came to her, and for how she was everything she could never be; while she was lying in a grave she dug herself - shackled to the image of perfection she’d crafted, held to the highest of regards, expected to never falter nor stutter. It was hard to define the relationship between her - one moment Addie was sweet, the next she was cruel. And as to that unfortunate Halloween night, she claims they parted ways before she could see anything.

All the harder she tries to cling to this illusion of control, the deeper she dives into that well. Parents often say kids will “grow out of it”; their fits of rage, their apathy towards other children, their unwillingness to share, their manipulative, spoiled ways of obtaining what they want- but Addie never did. Somewhere inside there’s still that little girl who’d rather break her toys in half than to share it with other kids. Who’d bump into other little girls at school, and tell the nurse they tripped. Who’d rather set her arm back in place herself than say “you were right”. The little girl who’ll sit in an empty throne all alone, built with the bones of the people she once claimed to love.

PERSONALITY-WISE:

Adelaide is emotionally unstable and has a very competitive, volatile, manipulative personality; she doesn’t forgive, and she sure as hell doesn’t forget, and she can lash out in incredibly ruthless ways due to her extreme lack of empathy for hers. Her addictions and unwillingness to ever speak to anyone in depth about herself only worsen the state of her BPD. Despite all this, on the surface, she can seem like just like any other pristine, privileged girl. It’s not usual for people to find her charming - she does exude that sort of magnetic aura that’s very easy to fall for, because people tend to see what they want to see - and therefore, it’s easy for her to adjust her personality to the expectations of whomever she’s trying to captivate. In a way, her entire personality has merged with her addiction: being friends with her feels a lot like moment of high in exchange for an eternity of sorrow.

She can be a loyal friend, to some extent, although she’ll never put anyone above herself. She’s also very insecure and prone to fits of rage (in private) whenever she doesn’t get what she wants (think broken mirrors and glasses), as her self-image is heavily dependent on what she can achieve and how others perceive her. Deep down, this all stems from jealousy - she so desperately wishes she could connect with other people and things the way everyone around her does, but in the end she can’t, and she’s left feeling like an outside looking in. If she’s miserable, why shouldn’t everyone around her be too?

HIT ME UP TO PLOT U COWARDS !!

for reals, though - i know this was unnecessarily long, but oh well. you can be ex friends with her? don’t know why they’re not friends anymore - but i’m willing to bet it’s addie’s fault.

maybe some sort of competitor? academic or otherwise.

maybe there’s some poor ex out there who knows what a headcase she actually is? but probably can’t say much bc they fear for her life lmao.

she wouldn’t openly date anybody who could reflect poorly on her reputation, so secret hookups??? give me someone who’s getting sick of being used pls. ( she’s a closeted bisexual. society isn’t very welcome to the idea rn ) so girl crushes yes pls let girls have crushes on her. let her manipulate them bc she knows. i need.

also gimme someone who deals drugs to her tbh, bc this needs to be kept SUPER lowkey, but it’d also be hilarious bc she wouldn’t have to fake her personality around them & it’s like bitch what the fuck this girl is dr jekyll and mr hyde.

i’d love love to see a fake relationship - but i don’t mean the ‘secretly have feelings for each other’ - i mean the… secretly despise each other but they’re image-obsessed people and like being seen as the golden couple.

oH and pls someone give me a… dare i say sisterly connection? mostly, a girl who idolizes her or puts her on a pedestal, that she might or might not have a soft spot for ( which in addie’s handbook just means she’ll be that much crueler whenever she feels like it tbh ) & see it as some sort of protegee.

idk i’m open to anything, these are just suggestions thrown at the wall here. the point is… plot w me u cowards. and yes, my muse does bite.

#hamptcns:intro

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yjsangjun-blog · 5 years

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𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖎𝖓𝖌 — 𝖇𝖆𝖊𝖐 ‘𝖘𝖆𝖒’ 𝖘𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖏𝖚𝖓.

hi hello. i’m cait, i’m 25, i go by she/her pronouns and i live in cst! i am a hot mess who loves causing her characters pain & angst…. i also love ruining their lives on a daily basis.

this is my babe sangjun who’s a lil bit messy ( much like most of my characters ) and you can find basic stats / bullet point bio / basic personality info / basic plot ideas & stuff like that for him under the cut! if you want more in depth info message me bc honestly this intro post is … oof !!! it’s also kinda long so lemme apologize for that as well !!!

but i am super excited to be here and i can’t wait to plot with ya’ll & love your babies !!!! if you’d like to plot, please feel free to IM me on here, ask for my discord or like this post & i’ll come to you !!!

tw: mentions of alcohol / alcoholism, drugs / drug abuse, bullying & violence.

BASIC INFO ( PT 1. )

FACECLAIM: min yoongi + suga + rapper. CHARACTER NAME: baek 'sam' sangjun. PRONOUNS: he/him. GENDER: cismale. AGE/BIRTHDAY: twenty-six. + june eleventh. ZODIAC SIGN: gemini. ROOM: haean + 2e.

OTHER INFO

POSITIVE TRAITS: determined, hard-working, charismatic & adventurous. NEGATIVE TRAITS: hedonistic, short-tempered, impulsive & blunt. OCCUPATION: bouncer at club arena / underground fighter. ( future ceo ) SONG THAT DESCRIBES THEM: i'm not sorry - dean. HOW LONG HAVE THEY LIVED AT THE YUJAEN?: six years. FOUR MUSE AESTHETICS: leather jackets, bruised knuckles, blurry evenings, late night snack runs.

BASIC INFO ( PT 2. )

full name: baek sangjun. nickname(s): sam, san, jun. hometown: seoul, south korea current location: yongsa, south korea. ethnicity: korean. nationality: korean. gender: cismale. pronouns: he/him/his. orientation: pansexual. occupation: bouncer / underground fighter. language(s) spoken: korean, english, japanese, spanish, french, chinese.

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

face claim: min yoongi. ( suga ) of bts. hair color: frequently changes, currently platinum blonde. eye color: brown with a small hazel ring. height: 5'10". weight: 169. build: athletic. tattoos: he’s got a few stick-n-poke tattoos scattered across his body, though most aren’t visible when he’s wearing clothing. piercings: these, double helix in left ear & tongue.

HEALTH.

physical ailments: alcoholism, allergies, drug abuse, lactose intolerance. neurological conditions: back pain / muscle spasms, carpal tunnel. allergies: shellfish, pollen, mold. sleeping habits: all over the place, usually tosses & turns for a while before falling asleep. rarely gets more than 4-5 hours of sleep a night. eating habits: horrible, relies on fast-food & take-out most of the time. loves 'comfort foods’. exercise habits: goes to the gym at least three times a week, less if he’s been in back-to-back fights. body temperature: hotnatured. addictions: alcohol, tobacco, cannabis, gambling, sex. drug use: frequent. alcohol use: frequent.

PERSONALITY. ( PT 1. )

label: the cataclysmic. positive traits: determined, hard-working, charismatic & adventurous. negative traits: hedonistic, short-tempered, impulsive & blunt. fears: heights, flying, confined spaces, drowning, commitment. hobbies: arcade games, astronomy, billiards, board games, boxing, card games, comic books, cooking, motorcycles, poker, reading, video games, weight training, yoga. habits / quirks: believes in demonic possession, believes in ghosts & spirits, believes in karma, carries a 'lucky’ item with him everywhere, fights for animal rights, fights for gender equality, fights for human rights, fights for the legalization of cannabis, fights for marriage equality, meditates, always has change in his pockets, owns an outrageous amount of shoes, counts stairs, experiences episodes of depression, boxes, collects packs of playing cards, doodles on everything, gardens, loves board games, paints, plays with fire, plays poker, plays video games, randomly wanders around when bored, sings well.

FAVORITES.

season: fall. color(s): army green, black, red, gray. music: all genres, doesn’t care for country. movies: action, comedy, horror, suspense. sport(s): hockey, basketball, baseball. beverage(s): whiskey, soda. food: comfort foods. animal: dogs.

FAMILY.

father: baek jaejin, sixty, ceo. mother: baek chansook, fifty-four, ceo. sibling(s): younger sibling, nineteen. children: n/a. pet(s): a siamese cat named ramen ( back at home with his parents ), a bengal cat named shiva ( back at home with his parents ) & a seven month old austrailan sheppard puppy named indy ( lives with his sibling. ) family’s financial status: upper class.

EXTRAS.

mbti: entp-a. ( the debater ) enneagram: type 8. ( the challenger ) temperament: choleric. hogwarts house: slytherin. moral alignment: chaotic neutral. primary vice: wrath. primary virtue: diligence. element: fire.

BIOGRAPHY.

born in seoul, south korea.

parents were very well known ceos, both running very successful corporations.

and of course, they wanted sangjun to follow in their footsteps.

parents were pretty strict and didn’t really allow him to do well.. anything.

however, they did buy him whatever he wanted and spoiled him in that way.

and due to both of those things combined, he started to rebel at a really young age. ( i’m talking like 10 )

so he’d sneak out, graffiti people’s houses and break things and the likes.

never got caught for it, though, knowing that if he did his parents would have kicked him out and probably disowned him for his behavior.

but one of the reasons he never got caught being a rebel was the fact he was bringing straight a’s in school, was always the very top of his class and from his parent’s perspective? he was a model child.

however, he hated that, hated having to live under his parent’s shadows and be this cookie-cutter version of himself they wanted him so desperately to be.

but he played it off, juggling the 'angel’ side of him with the rebellious tendencies that continued to grow worse and worse with each passing year.

god, high school was so different, though. he’d rebel more and more every single day, pushing the limits of getting caught.

however, word got out pretty quickly about just how wealthy his family was and kids started to bully sangjun for it, causing his anger to get the better of him until he lashed out so bad it landed one of those bullies in the hospital for copious amounts of injuries.

of course, his parents were pissed. grounded him for a solid month and in that time, he learned each and every way he could sneak out of his house at night, wandering the streets of seoul at all hours.

one of those nights he happened to run into a group of people who also went to his school, but instead of them bullying him for whatever reason, they commended him on standing up for himself like he had & told him there was a way to let out the pent up aggression that ended up sending a kid to the hospital.

his curiosity was lit up that night, eager to figure out what the hell they were talking about and a few days later, he was introduced to a scene that’d become far more intoxicating that anything he’d ever experienced before.

underground fighting. no rules, no shadows he had to live under, tons of money for each win under his belt? it was the life he never knew he wanted, but the second he got a taste of it, he wanted more.

so those late night strolls turned into him sneaking out of the house only to meet up with his new group of friends, all of which were clad in full black outfits .. traveling to some random person’s basement ( or abandoned buildings of numerous kinds ) only for sangjun to be able to release every single bit of pent up aggression he carried out on some stranger who’d never remember his name.

his parents? they were just as clueless as before, though, sam continuing to excel in school as well as his fights so much so that he found the perfect balance.. learned how to hide the scrapes and bruises from his mother & father all while continuing to be the top of his class.

not to mention he was juggling all of that and his acting career all at once, trying to hide certain things from his parents and the rest of the world because he knew it’d ruin his reputation.

however, due to the amount of stress that sat upon sam’s shoulders on a daily basis, he let himself slip up on his 21st birthday, parents stumbling into his apartment only to catch him drunk & high with a bunch of strangers surrounding him.

it was a moment he’d been scared of his whole life, worried his parents would just disown him right then and there...

but in all honesty? it was the most freeing night of sam’s life.

he didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t anymore, didn’t have to pretend to be a pure and innocent little thing who never did anything wrong. didn’t have to live up to the high expectations he’d set for himself so many years ago and god, he was hooked.

his parents not disowning him and continuing to pay for everything he wanted only fueling him to continue the downward spiral, living his life to the fullest, doing whatever the hell he wanted to... whenever the hell he wanted to.

PERSONALITY. ( PT 2. )

hides behind a wall of sarcasm, cockiness, anger and lust.

doesn’t really care to get to know people and had a tendency to push people away before they get too close to him. ( though it’s all a ruse. )

wears glasses to read and mess w computers, but hates them a lot and probably won’t wear them if people are around.

has two different wardrobes, one for when he’s around his parents. that consists of suits & dressy attire. and then one for when he isn’t that consists of ripped jeans, t-shirts, sweats & everything in between.

is …. stubborn as hell and refuses to ask for help with anything.

his motorcycle is literally his baby ??? like he ?? has a problem ??

fluent in a lot of languages, picked them up so that he didn’t need translators at his parents meetings and the likes.

lowkey worried that people will figure out that he’s actually v scared & stressed on the inside because that’ll cause him to start having to deal with his feelings, and he doesn’t wanna do that.

is the biggest flirt you will ever meet?? like if he’s speaking to you… its usually flirty as hell unless it has to do w business ( both his parents & his fights ) or he’s just known you for centuries ?

will try to get everyone to go to bars n parties with him because that’s his life in a nutshell ??

drinks..heavily.. like every night?? it’s a problem tbh.

nerd on the inside though like owns so many comic books, loves to play video games, read books, plays piano.. loves to sketch, paint & the likes.

he cares… god he cares so much about people and the world but he pretends to hate everything because it’s easier than letting people in.

full of horrible and cheesy pick up lines and jokes and frequently texts people said pick up lines and jokes.

owns a book that is full of nothing but blank pages and keeps it on his coffee table because he ‘relates’ to it.

is a highkey hoe but he tries to keep it on the dl ( he fails… miserably. )

super into fitness as it’s a way to keep him away from drinking every evening. ( that doesn’t work for him tho, oof.. )

also has bruised knuckles 24/7 & some other injuries he gets from his fights, plays it off like he’s just clumsy.

anger issues af. needs to get them in check.

actually super kind and caring once you’re able to see get past his wall?? which is really hard tbh but if you’re able to? he’s so loyal and caring it’s unreal.

has a bad habit of smoking whenever he’s stressed out, which is usually all of the time so he smokes…. more than he should ( though he won’t admit to being stressed out,,,,, ever in his life. )

highkey into cuddling and all the cute shit like that but would literally never tell a soul because then they’d see that he isn’t the ‘hardass’ he pretends to be on a daily basis.

is a burnt cupcake who has 'decent’ intentions but has extremely horrible execution skills.

PLOT IDEAS.

bad influence. ( on your muse. )

best friends.

childhood friend.

competition.

confidant.

cousin.

current hook up(s).

drinking buddies.

drunken hook up.

enemies that used to be friends.

enemies.

exes who ended on bad terms.

flirtationship.

frenemies.

friendly competition.

friends that used to be enemies.

friends with benefits.

good influence. ( on sangjun. )

hate sex.

one night stand(s). ( past & present. )

partner in crime.

party buddies.

past hook up(s).

ride or die.

social media friends.

trouble makers.

unlikely friends.

#yj:intro #✶ — › 𝔞 𝔰𝔴𝔢𝔢𝔱 𝔡𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔪 𝔬𝔯 𝔞 𝔟𝔢𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔦𝔣𝔲𝔩 𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔢 — ⌜ out of character. ⌟#pls come lov the SINnamon roll

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explcsivcs · 5 years

Text

––– MEET CASEY!

basic information

full name: casey brennan o’neill

nickname(s): literally none although i’m sure kiv has some choice names

age: twenty-two

date of birth: november 5th, 1996

hometown: london, england

current location: provincetown, ma

nationality: british

gender: cismale

pronouns: he/him

orientation: straight

religion: agnostic

occupation: grad student, who knows what other kinda side hustles this fucker has

living arrangements: apartment in nyc during the school year, ptown with his aunt and uncle on breaks

languages spoken: english, german, french

accent: estuary english / southeast british

physical appearance

face claim: jacob elordi

hair colour: light brown

eye colour: alexa, play pretty brown eyes by cody simpson

height: 6′4

build: athletic, muscular but not body builder muscle-y you know

tattoos: oh he’s definitely got some ink happening. see this photo... and growing akdjfh

piercings: a single ear that he’s had done since he was 16

clothing style: laid back fuckboii. button ups and crew necks, tight black jeans and adidas joggers.... here u go

usual expression: smug as fuck

distinguishing characteristics: case has one scar on his right eyebrow. there’s a tiny gap in between his two front teeth, and he’s got .... hella dimples

health

physical ailments: none. *kate hudson vc* healthy boyyyy

neurological conditions: nunca

allergies: too much responsibility gives him hives

sleeping habits: goes to sleep too late, but could honestly sleep unbothered until 2pm. he doesn’t bc he goes on a run every morning but akdjfh he could

eating habits: a literal black hole.. eats like 13 meals a day

exercise habits: super active, actually. runs every morning except for sundays. spends.... too much time at the gym

emotional stability: has all of 3 emotions. suppresses all of them.

sociability: he’s not antisocial per say, but he is an introvert. being around too many people at one time for too long can be utterly exhausting, especially since he really does not care for small talk. he likes his alone time ok

body temperature: hot-natured

addictions: does being an adrenaline junkie count?

drug use: surprisingly, no

alcohol use: unsurprisingly, yes

personality

label: the crimson

positive traits: charming, persuasive, loyal, determined, adventurous, courageous, intelligent

negative traits: reticent, temperamental, impulsive, reckless, inconsiderate, self-serving

goals/desires: to figure himself outside of his dad’s suffocating expectations... to overcome the grief of losing his mom... to learn to handle his own fuckin emotions... to find a career working to help with kiddos who have screwy parents ( that last one, he doesn’t know yet )

fears: losing people closest to him, becoming too much like his father, being forgotten

hobbies: racing LMAO, running, weight lifting, he loves reading, anything that gives u a solid adrenaline rush

habits: smoking, speeding, fidgeting with a pendant on his necklace

favourites

weather: autumn

colour: black

music: INDIE POP ICON KIV O’NEILL, jaden, 90s hiphop, ella mai

movies: action & horror

sport: lax boi babieeee, he’s really good at lacrosse. soccer, baseball, and football as well. fuck basketball tho

beverage: lmao water

food: prob something along the lines of steak ... y i k e

animal: platypuses don’t make sense so prob those

family

father: sean o’neill. was never meant to be a dad. worth millions of dollars. cold hearted business genius. became utterly miserable after the loss of his wife. y’all know eric dane? that’s him. was once hot.

mother: emma o’neill, deceased. light of the fuckin’ world. tiny little thing with a big heart. came from old money but used that to... give back. dedicated her life to charity work. was a school teacher for a time. loved the shit outta casey.

sibling(s): nada, h o w e v e r. kiv. kiv is the closest thing he’s ever had to a sister. and he cherishes that more than he’d ever actually say out loud. would drop everything to make sure she’s okay and despite the fact that she acts like she hates him 80% . of the time, she’s... literally one of the best things in his life

pet(s): recently adopted a retired military dog!! german shepherd named echo who’s like... six

financial status: trust fund baby to boot

extra

zodiac: scorpio

mbti: isfp

enneagram: type 4, the individualist

temperament: choleric

hogwarts house: lmao slytherin

moral alignment: chaotic good

primary vice: wrath

primary virtue: diligence

element: fire

#[ 𝐂.𝐎. –– 𝘮𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘯𝘨 ! ]#heyoooo

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phoebus-de-chateaupers-blog · 6 years

Photo

Phoebus de Chateaupers – Character Sheet

oh, some evil spirit, oh, some evil this way comes / they told me how they fear it / now they're placing it on their tongues / for to see it with my own eyes / for to see it with my own eyes / no food or water for the better part of ten months

quietly he sat between the folds of a tree trunk / for to see it with my own eyes / for to see it with my own eyes / all the men of faith and men of science had their questions / could it ever be on earth as it is in heaven? / for to see it with my own eyes / for to see it with my own eyes

Archetype — The Ruler Birthday — November 14, 1982 Zodiac Sign — Scorpio MBTI — ENTJ Enneagram — 6, the Loyalist Temperament — Phlegmatic Hogwarts House — Gryffslyth with a claw model Moral Alignment — Lawful Neutral Primary Vice — Envy Primary Virtue — Diligence Element — Earth

Overview:

Mother — Sorcha de Chateaupers (nee DunBroch) (FC: Lindsay Duncan) Father — Silas de Chateaupers (FC: Pierce Brosnan) Mother’s Occupation — homemaker Father’s Occupation — Prince of the Order; owner of de Chateaupers industries (they make metal work for construction sites) Family Finances — wealthy; got dat old money Birth Order — oldest Brothers — none Sisters — Astrid, little sister Other Close Family — family tree here Best Friend — Celmens de Chateaupers (deceased) Other Friends — the Order Enemies — vicious creatures, demons, ghosts, mediums, sinners Pets — Achilles; twelve year old grey dappled Hanoverian Home Life During Childhood — because Phoebus had been born prematurely, for the first few years of his life, he was rather frail. His mother became over-protective of him and doted on him. He spent a lot of time indoors, reading and studying. His cousin Clemens came over to play with him, but he didn’t socialize much outside of school. His father was constantly criticizing him and attempting to “toughen him up.” Town or City Name(s) — Skagen, Denmark (has also bopped around Europe, he’s been pretty much everywhere.) What Did His or Her Bedroom Look Like — pretty plain, didn’t have a lot of toys. Lots of books though. Painted like a blue probably. Faced towards the sea. Any Sports or Clubs — Once he got older, he got into rugby and football, that kind of thing. Was never amazing at it, but not horrible either. Also did sword fighting, sparring, wrestling, etc. He’s a GREAT jouster. Favorite Toy or Game — jousting Schooling — homeschooled Favorite Subject — history and tactic Popular or Loner — loner for sure Important Experiences or Events — becoming a squire, studying with the DunBrochs, when he fucked up his first hunt, when he finally killed a demon, when his father named Clemens his successor. Nationality — Danish Culture — Danish; Order of the Prince Religion and beliefs — Christian, specifically Lutheran-Protestant

Physical Appearance:

Face Claim — Nikolaj Coster-Waldau Complexion — fair, but tannish from the sun Hair Colour — golden Eye Colour — blue and twinkley Height — 6’2 Build — stocky but not overly broad, definitely fit and toned and intimidating Tattoos — one on his right shoulder of his family coat of arms Piercings — none Common Hairstyle — mid-length, straight, tucks it behind his ears or slicks it back, sometimes it is shorter, just depending. It’s been longer for a while now bc he can’t be fucked. Clothing Style — casual. Wears a lot of jeans and boots. Good things for hiking or moving freely. Mannerisms — not a fidgeter. He stays still. Very stoic. Usual Expression —

Health:

Overall (do they get sick easily)? — yeah, he lowkey gets colds all the time, especially travelling, but he fights through it Physical Ailments — none Neurological Conditions — depression, alcoholic probably Allergies — general allergies Grooming Habits — depends on his mood, definitely likes to get cleaned up and look nice all clean shaven or beard trimmed and wearing a nice suit, but on the day to day he’s a little more rugged Sleeping Habits — doesn’t sleep well these days because he’s haunted, so always looks kind of tired Eating Habits — also not great, drinks more than he eats probably, but he does his best to keep in shape too so eats lots of meats and salads, not a big sweets person. Exercise Habits — every day, runs in the night and does gym shit in the morning i don’t know what gym shit i don’t do gym shit but he’s physically fit okay Emotional Stability — lol not great Body Temperature — average Sociability — he’s an introverted extrovert, he’s good with people, very slyth-secondary Addictions — alcohol, women--probably Drug Use — none Alcohol Use — all the time

Your Character’s Character:

Bad Habits — drinking, getting into fights, being a general dick Good Habits — uh, he reads a lot, intelligent, thinks before he speaks...usually Best Characteristic — hard-worker Worst Characteristic — jealousy Worst Memory — learning of Clemens’ death Best Memory — becoming a Prince Proud of — his hunting accomplishments Embarrassed by — himself? lmao Driving Style — a good driver. follows rules Strong Points — intelligence, strategy, eager to please Temperament — pretty even keeled, but he’s got a bit of a temper and is impatient Attitude — callous and uncaring Weakness — his ego? uhhhh Fears — being useless, being shamed Phobias — none Secrets — that he is p sure he killed his cousin Regrets — spreading that rumor about Clemens Feels Vulnerable When — people talk about him behind his back Pet Peeves — cowardice (when it comes to hunts/battles) Conflicts — what happened to his cousin, his religion v what he’s done Motivation — to be the very best, like no one ever was Short Term Goals and Hopes — fight some monsters Long Term Goals and Hopes — get rid of his fucKINg cousin’s ghost Sexuality — hetero af aggressively hetero Day or Night Person — daytime Introvert or Extrovert — introverted extrovert Optimist or Pessimist — pessimist

Likes and Styles:

Music — likes a little bit of everything but is more into acoustic-type stuff. Probably also like a few danish rock bands from the 80s/90s most likely, when he went through like his #angsty punk phase. Books — loves history books and mythology; anything that can help him gain more information and strategy for fighting. Magazines — none Foods — loves fish and meats. Not a big sweets fan, honestly. Drinks — whiskey, who doesn’t love a good glass of whiskey? He also is a fan of a good beer. Drinks protein shakes, but he doesn’t like them. Also an avid coffee drinker. Animals — horses and dogs, as they are the most useful during a hunt and also loyal. Finds cats frivolous and only good for rat-catching. Indifferent towards most other animals, except for dangerous magical ones, of course. Social Issues — the protection of mundus Favorite Saying — “strength gives glory” his family words Color — gold and red, the colors of his family coat of arms. He takes great pride in this. He also likes blue, because it looks good on him. Jewelry — probably has like a family ring heirloom type thing. also has a virgin Mary miraculous medallion that he wears Games — jousting, melees, that kind of thing Websites — none really TV Shows — cops shows/true detective crime shows/the history channel Movies — okay there is this danish movie i found called “Ordet” and the plot is #wild, but also sounds like something Phoebus would be into. He’s into like gritty noir films or avant garde indie films. Stuff that has to do with like crises of faith and that sort of thing. Probably into period pieces too or medieval. Also, big into mythology, so any adaptation of the Odyssey or the Iliad or stuff like that. He watched a lot of movies as a kid. (Side note: there is another movie called “Breaking the Waves” and wow,,) Greatest Want — to take over as the head of his family and be a successful Prince, maybe even King one day, in the future Greatest Need — to be admired

Where and How Does Your Character Live Now:

Home — an apartment in Castle Suites Household furnishings — plain Favorite Possession — his saddle, it was given to him by his father when he became a Prince -- it was custom made Most Cherished Possession — he’s not really a material person tbh or well, he is ? but he doesn’t really consider anything “cherished” Married Before — no Significant Other Before — he’s had a few girlfriends over the years, but they’ve all fallen through, was in love with his cousin’s wife just for extra salt in THAT wound. her name is Olivia. Children — none Relationship with Family — strained with his father, closer to his mother Car — none atm but he can drive Career — a Prince -- but his cover is police officer Dream Career — running his family company and being a successful Prince Dream Life — married, with kids, running his family company and being a well-renowned Prince Love Life — a mess.

Your Character’s Life Before Your Story:

Past Careers — he’s been an officer in many places over the past twenty-ish years Past Lovers — lots and lots of women Biggest Mistakes — lmao where do i start Biggest Achievements — becoming a Prince

#character sheet #about #try and fight me #on this fc choice #/pets

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nolimitsongrace · 4 years

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February 4: Flee Fornication!

Flee Fornication!February 4, 2020

Flee fornication…. — 1 Corinthians 6:18

In the early years of our marriage, my wife Denise and I pastored an adult singles ministry, and one of my responsibilities in this role was to regularly meet with people who needed counseling. During one session, a distraught young man began to pour out his heart to me about how he kept habitually falling into sexual sin. As he sat before me, I could see that he was disappointed in himself, spiritually broken, and feeling like a miserable failure. With tears streaming down his face, he told me, “Before I know what is happening, I find myself in the middle of a sexual sin. I just can’t seem to control myself.”

I asked him, “Where are you when this sin usually takes place?”

He told me, “It usually happens at my house or at my girlfriend’s house.”

*[If you started reading this from your email, begin reading here.]

I looked into his eyes and asked, “Don’t you think it would be wise for the two of you never to be alone together at your house or her house so you don’t put yourself in a position where it’s easy for you to fall into sin? If that’s the place where you keep falling into sin, I strongly recommend that you don’t spend time alone in her house or yours!”

He responded, “Are you suggesting that I run away from my problem and my weaknesses? No way! I am not going to run away from my weaknesses! I intend to prove that I can overcome these temptations. I don’t believe I need to change my environment. I just need to be stronger!”

As the years passed, I watched this man continue to struggle with sin. His plan wasn’t working! He was sincere, but the approach he was taking was not wise. Not only was he not conquering his temptations, but he was being conquered by them! It was time for him to use his brain to get up and get out of those places where he had habitually fallen into sin. He needed to heed the words of the apostle Paul to the Corinthian believers when Paul urged them to “flee fornication…” (1 Corinthians 6:18). If this man would have just obeyed the wise counsel of the Word, he could have escaped those years of misery, feeling like a spiritual failure.

“Fleeing fornication” would have been very hard to do in a city like Corinth! Corinth was known for its perversion and twisted sinful activities, as well as for its drunkenness. In short, it had a worldwide reputation for being a “party city” and a center for “sexual freedom,” where one could avail himself to the vilest of human instincts without any fear of others’ disapproval. The entire city was devoted to the sex industry; therefore, any kind of sex was considered acceptable and fair. Some have speculated that after Sodom and Gomorrah, Corinth may have been one of the most perverted cities in human history.

The city had a constant flow of sailors who came to town to party, and this fed the prostitution business — the largest source of revenue in the city of Corinth. Furthermore, the city abounded with idolatry, which frequently incorporated sexually immoral behavior into their rituals, and the Corinthian bathhouses brimmed with homosexual activity.

In addition to all these excesses, wine was integrally tied into nearly every aspect of the city’s culture. It was used in idol worship as a sacrament and a tool to commune with the spirit realm; it was commonly imbibed by prostitutes and their customers; and it was readily available in the city’s bathhouses to loosen people’s inhibitions so they would more readily participate in homosexual activities. Basically, all these factors combined meant the alcohol business in Corinth was booming! So not only was Corinth rife with idolatry and all manners of gross sexual perversion, but the city also struggled with serious alcohol abuse and addiction.

In fact, the city of Corinth became so synonymous with perversion and drunkenness that the term “to Corinthianize,” first coined by the Greek author Aristophanes (450-385 BC), became a common term used in other cities of the Roman Empire to describe drunken or immoral debauchery.1 Regardless of where you lived, if you knew a person who was given to excess and drunkenness, that person was referred to as “a Corinthianizer.” Corinth’s reputation was so stained that if an actor in any city of the Roman Empire was required to play the role of a drunkard on stage, he was always depicted as a drunk Corinthian.

This was the environment the Corinthian believers faced every day, and because they were so new in their faith, the lure of the world and the flesh still had a strong hold on them. Paul knew they needed to use their minds to think carefully about where they went and what situations they should avoid. Even today, we know it’s just common sense that if a person struggles with alcohol, he needs to stay out of bars! Likewise, Paul knew that these Corinthian believers needed to avoid environments where they might be tempted to fall back into sin. Fleeing from sinful environments was the smartest thing they could do if they really wanted to stay free from sin!

This meant the newly saved Corinthian believers had to avoid a lot of places in Corinth! It meant they had to reassess how to maneuver in the city in order to avoid all the places where sin tried to call out to them. Because there were so many sinful places in Corinth, it took concentration and serious planning for them to obey Paul’s exhortation to “flee fornication.” However, because Paul admonished them to stay away from these cesspools of sin and perversion, the committed believers in Corinth learned to move as quickly as possible to “flee” from these establishments.

The word “flee” that Paul used in First Corinthians 6:18 is the Greek word pheugo, which means to run, to flee, or even to take flight. Making this word even stronger is the fact that the tense used in this verse conveys the idea of a habitual fleeing or a continuous escaping. This plainly means Paul is telling believers that they need to make a habit of running from sin!

The Greek word pheugo is used throughout Scripture to depict the act of:

Fleeing from evil influences.

Fleeing from youthful lusts.

Fleeing from morally bad friends.

Fleeing from a corrupt stimulus.

Fleeing from wrongdoing and sin.

In short, the word pheugo means to run like crazy!

Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is get up and get out of a situation as fast as you can. Just as Joseph fled with haste to escape the seductive advances from Potiphar’s wife (see Genesis 39:11,12), if you’re in a setting where you’re being tempted or you feel yourself being lured to do something contrary to the Word of God — get out of there! Rather than stick around to prove you can resist, it’s time for you to get your feet moving and resist sin by saying goodbye as you walk out and let the door slam behind you! A weak person won’t have the strength to say no and walk away — but a person who is strong will say, “Enough is enough!” and walk away.

Paul’s order to the Corinthian congregation was to “flee fornication.” In order for them to obey Paul’s command, these believers had to make drastic changes in their routines. They had to change the places they frequented, the activities they participated in, and the people who surrounded them. If they were going to walk away from sin and stay free from it, they would have to deliberately avoid the situations that previously made it so easy for them to fall into sin.

How does Paul’s message apply to you?

For you to stay free, it may be necessary for you to choose new friends. You may need to make a break from the places where you used to spend your free time. You may need to quit watching the TV programs or movies that once were a big part of your life. It is possible that you may need to stop reading the material you once read. It may even mean that you need to discontinue your Internet service so you won’t gravitate to pornographic sites that keep luring you into their seductive, entangling web.

Is it possible that you’ve been praying for strength to resist sin, when actually all you simply need to do is to stay away from the things that encourage you to sin? If you’re tempted to overeat, stay out of the kitchen! If you’re lured to pornographic websites, then add filters to block those sites, or, if necessary, discontinue your Internet service. Permanently fix your situation by removing yourself from the things and the places that have a negative influence on you. Taking this commonsense approach may be the answer to the prayers you’ve been praying to be free!

If you are serious about your walk with God, you need to make every change necessary to stay both spiritually strong and free from guilt and condemnation. I admonish you to take Paul’s words deep into your heart and “flee” from those things that have an adverse effect on your soul and on your spiritual life. It’s what you would tell someone else to do if you were giving them counsel about how to stay free from alcohol or drugs, so don’t you think it would be wise for you to start applying the same advice to your own life?

1William Barclay, The Letters to the Corinthians (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1975), pp. 2-3.

MY PRAYER FOR TODAY

Lord, I thank You for speaking to my heart today about making a break with my past and with the places that tend to pull me down. I admit that I’ve allowed my flesh to lead me, and I have been wrong for not making better choices for my life. I’ve tried to blame the devil and others for my failure, but today I am taking personal responsibility for the control and direction of my life — and I am walking away from those places, people, and deeds that negatively affect me. Holy Spirit, I tap into Your mighty power already at work within me to strengthen me with might in my inward man as I make these right choices. With Your help and by Your grace, I can and I will walk free and stay free!

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

MY CONFESSION FOR TODAY

I confess that I do not linger in compromising situations where I am tempted to think wrong, speak wrong, and do wrong with my mind, mouth, or body. I am the temple of the Holy Spirit, and I honor the Holy Spirit’s presence in me. I never want to grieve the Spirit by slipping back into those sins from which I’ve been delivered. Therefore, I am making every effort to stay away from people, places, and deeds that have a negative impact on me!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO CONSIDER

Can you think of people, places, or deeds that you need to make a break from in your life? Make note of them, and then determine a plan of action you can take to avoid them so you can remain free from sin.

Was there a time in your life when you felt seduced by sin, yet you stayed in that bad environment? Did you falsely think that you could overcome it, but instead succumbed to sin over and over again? When and where was that time in your life? What did you learn as a result of that experience?

If you were counseling individuals who were struggling with an addiction or some habitual sin, what would you say in counsel to them to help them stay free? Do you apply this same counsel to your own life?

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hudsonjoshua-blog1 · 7 years

Text

One Hell Of A Day

I'd made it so far. So many memories. But there was what I held so near and dear to my heart for years laying in a puddle. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was for the best. The United States Army was an adventure. I had good times, like when I was sent to Germany around October fest. Like... Holy Shit. And there were the bad times, like losing my buddies in battle. But that's beside the point. The point is what I learned and how it helped me for the rough times to come. Coming back from my 3rd deployment was the greatest feeling in the world. It was a rough one, but I can't share many details. Higher up may have a tight watch on me. So I'll just jump right in. This, ladies and gentlemen, is the end of the world. I don't know how it started, but these.... Things.... Just came out of nowhere. Canniballistic monsters formed from innocent civilians. No-one had enough time to hypothesize and research how and why this started, but we all have our own theories. To save time, I'll just make my back-story short and sweet. My biological father was a horrible man. An alcoholic and a drug-addict, abusive, an ass, ect. U get the point. I spent the first 10 years of my life (which he was only in the first 6) not understanding why my mom left him. By age 11, I knew. My mom remarried, which there's not much to say about that. By age 13, I was smoking cigarettes and drinking, becoming pretty wild. That carried on throughout high school, and on my 19th birthday, it caught up to me. I was arrested on my birthday for minor in possession of alcohol and a public intoxication. It was at that point that I decided I needed to stop. My brother took me to an army recruiter and boom... Theres my life. I was 3 years 11 months and 4 days into my second enlistment when it all happened. My Sergeant told me about people going crazy and eating one another. All my life I've been obsessed with zombies, but these things are worse. They can think, speak, and really fuck you up. I immediately called McKenzie, my beautiful wife. I'm sorry, but I have to tell you about her. She has the most gorgeous Brown hair and these eyes that can make u feel loved just by looking into them. Her smile shines with confidence and when she smiles at you, you can help but smile back. We have a daughter named Yvette. She was 3 at the time. That little girl is my whole world and I would kill anyone or anything that harmed her or my wife. And they look so much alike, both beautiful and smart. They are my favorite humans. I told McKenzie to stay with her parents until I could get home, which would be another 26 days, and she agreed. I worried sick for those 3 and a half weeks, constantly texting her to make sure she was OK. She said things we're getting pretty bad and it was slowly moving closer to our home town. All airlines we're shutdown due to the shit that was happening, so I drove my ass from Fort Lee, Virginia to Harrison, Arkansas, speeding the entire way. Took 16 hours, but I made it. I remember running through the yard and before I even made it half way, McKenzie had the door swung wide open and met me with a kiss. I missed her so fucking much. I was glad to be home. After lots of preparing, we gathered up out belongings and or daughter and decided to stay with her parents and her grandfather at their family cabin. It was a small cabin. One that was set out in the woods, secluded from the outside world for the most part. We got all settled in, and that's when I told McKenzie something I'll never forget. "I'm not scared, babe. But I have a feeling this is going to get much worse. No matter what, we stick together. " "Josh, I'm not scared either. Because I know I have u and Yvette. And my weapons! " She smiled at me. It restored my faith, and I felt that all would be alright. It was about dinner time, so we headed down stairs and ate a good meal before we headed back up to our room. That night I had a dream that we were back at home watching TV, seeing our favorite show, when there was a knock on the door. Two captains were at my front door and asked to come in. I allowed their entry and offered them a drink. They declined and told me that my best friend was killed in combat. Maika was in an LMTV when they were struck by an IED when they ran over it. "We need you to go back out to the field and take his place, Hudson. You're our best mechanic." "Sir... Is there noone else? I just got home. I don't want to leave my beautiful family." "We are sorry, but we need you, Hudson. It's an order straight from the BC. " I'll just go ahead and throw a fact in here. When you sign your first contract, it's usually 8 years (if you are active) 4 of those being real duty then 4 being reserve obligation where then can call you back to service. So this dream honestly made no sense because I had already filled my 8 years that were required. So in this dream, I left my family behind and went back out to the field. The gun shots made me jump out of my slumber. "Babe. Are u OK? Was it a nightmare? " McKenzie said. I guess I woke her up with my sudden jolt to the upright position. "Yeah. " I said with heavy breathing with a thin coat of sweat formed on my body. "It was just a nightmare. It wasn't real. It... Wasn't.. Real.. " I looked at the clock and read 2:03 AM. I got out of bed and walked slowly down the stairs to get some coffee. I knew I wasnt going back to sleep. McKenzies dad was sitting at the table drinking one himself. "You OK, Darryl? You're up pretty early." I whispered. "Just kinda worried about how we're gonna make it. Food only lasts so long you know. And if everything shuts down, we can't eat. " "How bad do you think this is going to get? " I asked filling myself a mug. "It's hard to say" he replied. "Could get worse, or, if we're lucky, it'll get taken care of real quick. I'm hoping for the best" he said, taking a sip of coffee. We sat and talked for a long time, then decided we better make our wives happy and start breakfast. I'm not a master chef, but I can make some mean pancakes. All from scratch. I guess the smell of my bomb ass pancakes and the bacon Darryl was cooking woke everyone up, because here came McKenzie down the stairs holding Yvette and Kathy was coming down the hall with that usual smile she had on her face. Darryl and Kathy were both nurses, Darryl being an RN nurse with a masters in education and online teaching certification. He taught in the LPN program. Kathy being a wound care nurse. They were both amazing people and didn't judge by appearance. "Good morning, everyone." Kathy said with a smile. McKenzie set Yvette down, and my beautiful daughter ran into my arms where I immediately lifted her above my head and did my daddy laugh. She laughed and laughed. She and I giggled for a few minutes until I smelt something burning. "MY PANCAKES!! " I yelled. I burnt one of them. We all laughed hysterically at it. I decided I had made enough for all of us, so I shut the stove off and took the plate of my masterpieces to the table and set them dead center. "Honey, would u like to say grace? " said Kathy to Darryl. "Sure, sweetheart. Lord, we give u this food in thanks for all that u do for us. Everyday we are blessed by your grace and mercy. We love u, Lord. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen" And so we ate. It was a wonderful breakfast filled with lots of laughs and love. We headed back upstairs afterwards. A few weeks passed, dealing with the same stuff. Smiles, food, the happy stuff, and of course, barely any sleep for me. We heard from friends and family that things were getting much worse at a faster rate. We decided to go scavenging in the town to see what was left, so McKenzie and I left Yvette with Darryl and Kathy. As we walked, we began to laugh and reminisce on old memories and discuss what we would do after this was all over. "I want another baby. A boy!" She said. "Me too, sweetheart. What would we name him?" I asked. "I like the name Steven. After your brother." My brother was my role model growing up. I had always wanted to be like him, following his every footstep. He was a Marine for 4 years and I missed him while he was gone. The military changed him. He became a hard shell that none could break into. U could never read him. He was a wall in which had no cracks. I wanted to be like that. We found a few things, but what surprised is was what we didn't find... People. There was no sign of life. No signs that anyone had been there in the past few months, and that scared me. The air has a horrific stench about it. I have that a storm was being above so I told McKenzie that we better head back. We scavenged for months after that, keeping my daughter taken care of before we took care of ourselves. She was growing so fast! Before I knew it, she was turning 4. Darryl and I made her a tire swing and surprised her with it. I pushed her until she felt like she was on top of the world. We met a few people about 4 months later. They were a couple named Tyler and Mercedes. They had a son who was 5 named Triton. He was a cool little dude. He and Yvette became great friends and loved playing hide and seek. McKenzie and I felt a little bit ballsey one day and decided to go into a large part of town. We headed out at about 11:45 to try and find supplies. As we entered town, I got a strange feeling in my stomach. The town was too quiet. The wind was too soft. It felt eerie, like in the horror movies when the killer is in the background causing dramatic irony. We turned the corner onto Green Street, and that's when I saw it. Hundreds and hundreds, possibly thousands of infected, lurking, sniffing. Now u may be wondering how the fuck I knew that it was the infected. Of u saw these things, u would know too. Trust me. I backed up slowly, motioning McKenzie behind me. "Let's go back. " I said. "Uhhh..... Babe...." I turned around to see a hoarde coming around the corner yelling at us. They were sprinting in our direction. "FUCK! RUN, KENZ!!! " I screamed. We took off, McKenzie following my lead. I took a random right turn down a street named Madrigal Way. They were still right behind us, so I told McKenzie to run faster. We began to sprint harder, until Mckenzie said she had to rest. "We cant rest right now. Come on! " I said. "Josh, I'm completely out of breath" she said between inhalations. "We gotta fucking run, McKenzie! Stop giving up! " She began to cry as I grabbed her arm and pulled her up. The hoardes were getting closer and closer with every moment wasted. We didn't have much of a gain, but it was enough to keep us safe as long as we kept moving. McKenzie and I sprinted for as long as she could before she dropped to her knees once again. We were by the old coffee shop off of west maple. I remembered an alley that was nearby with a fence that separated the two halves of it. I picked her up and threw her on my shoulder, running to the fence. "Climb, Kenz. Hurry!" She made it to the top and hopped over, landing on her feet. "Hurry, babe! They're behind you! " Without looking back, I lobbed over the fence, landing on my side. It stung, but I wasn't hurt. I began to run, when I heard McKenzie scream. I turned and the hoarde busted down the chain link barrier. It fell on her and they began trying to grab and bite her through the metal. I pulled out my .40, blasting faces off. I ran out of rounds in my clip, so I loaded another. Those 30 seconds passed so slow, and when the last one dropped, I ran to my wife. I scooted the fence off of her and saw she was crying, but alive. "Thank God... " "Josh... I'm hurt... " "Wha-" "My arm and leg... " I looked at her limbs to see multiple bites. My eyes widened, and I through her over my shoulder, running north back to the camp. When I got back, I kicked open the door, startling everyone inside enough to where they pulled pistols thinking I was an intruder. "What the fuck, Josh?! What are you-" Tyler yelled before I interrupted him. "Clear a space!! " I yelled. Darryl started to yell and clear shit off the table, allowing me to lay her down. We inspected the wounds as she began violently vomiting everywhere, including on herself. I let go screaming "FUCK! FUCK! WHY DID- SHIT! FUCK! " Seeing my wife like this killed me. I threw a chair across the room, breaking a leg off. Darryl walked over to me crying, and hugged my neck. "She's gonna become one of... Of.. Those things." He said through tears. I looked him in the eyes, knowing what I had to do. He couldn't do it. Neither could Kathy. I walked over to her, and squeezed her hand. She knew what had to be done, because she started crying. "I love you, baby. " she said. "I love u more. Forever and always, babe" She sat up and hugged her parents tightly, not wanting to let go. I helped her change into her favorite clothes and wiped her face. I carried her back down to the dining room, where she began vomiting once again. I wiped her face, cleaned her face and took a good look at her. She looked horrible. I carried her out the back door and laid her against a tree. I started crying and held her tight. I kissed her lips one last time, exchanging our last goodbyes. "Honey, I can't make u do this. Give me the gun." She said through tears. "Wha-What do you mean?" "Give me the fucking gun, Joshua." I handed her my pistol. I began to cry as her trembling hands raised the gun to her head. "I love you, baby" she said. She squeezed the trigger, blowing every memory, every image, everything out. I dropped to my knees, knowing that this was only the beginning. I bent down and grabbed her now limp body. I began sobbing and hugged her, feeling her warmth slowly fade. I'd made it so far. So many memories. But there was what I held so near and dear to my heart for years laying in a puddle. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but it was for the best. We buried her underneath the large oak tree out back. Depression hurts. Some say it's an emotion and you are just down all the time, but for me, it's more. I feel it in my bones. Deep in my joints. It deteriorates me physically, mentally, emotionally, and everything in between. That moment changed me and having to explain to my daughter why mommy isnt coming back is rough. She still doesn't understand. I question myself every day, asking if it was my fault, if I could have changed things. I miss her so much. I need her so much, but all i have are the memories.

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