#i don't even know if it was gay panic or gender envy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wizardshark · 2 months

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I usually run errands about 1-4pm. This means that I catch the children coming home from school.

In particular, there's a group of girls I'm very used to seeing where one of them is clearly gay but doesn't know it yet. Every time she sees me I can see some kind of gay panic gender envy stuff going on.

But I don't run there's errands very OFTEN mind you. So I know that I feel like a fairy or something to her. A tall non binary woman with a strong jaw dressed stylishly but simply walking with confidence down the sidewalk.

To a teenager even that simple encounter is impossibly attractive. I hope she always feels happy whenever our paths cross

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redheadbigshoes · 10 months

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Hey so um I really hope it's okay to come here and ask for some advice. I've tried to get it everywhere I could but nothings worked out on that.

So, bc I feel at least a little backstory is needed, I'm 19 and when I was 11 years old I came out to family as transgender (FTM) shortly after having this panic attack about my realization of liking girls, I didn't connect that until recently either. But anyways, after I came out it all moved really fast, in less than two months I had short hair and a whole new wardrobe, everyone was calling me by a new name and he/him. Which I think is completely okay but within less than 3 years I started testosterone, I was barely 15 and only had one appointment with a doctor and he gave me T without any therapy or questions or anything. Less than a year later my name and gender marker got legally changed.

The whole time my mom and most family was extremely supportive, plastering their pride everywhere but for me I just couldn't feel comfortable doing that. It felt off. I never felt trans. I hated the label being associated with me and as I got older I hated being called a man and so on. Now, after almost 5 years on hormones I stopped taking them because I think Ive gotten actual dysphoria from it but it's hard to tell. When I like girls it feels gay if that makes sense? Like I feel so deeply connected to the lesbian label and I often feel like I'm wrong for that. I try to force myself to like men but I just don't. Even living as one I felt like I had to like them and it was wrong not to and liking women was something out of my reach. Liking men didn't even feel gay it felt like what was expected. I guess, I'm asking, would I be wrong to say I'm a lesbian after all of this? I'm still trying to figure out who I am and my identity but I know I'm not a man.

And I really would hate to be insensitive to lesbians and I know I don't "look" like one, I passed as male since 11. I never got to be the kind of person I wanted and even now I feel it's too late.

Thank you for reading this and anything at all helps<3 have an amazing day/night

-🌙(if it's not taken, if so, 🌠)

Hey.

So let me understand more: you came out as a trans man before or after realizing you liked girls?

Because especially if it was before coming out as a trans man was that you realized you liked girls, I think it’s very common between lesbians (and probably the opposite situation with gays) to feel almost like a gender envy with men when it comes to liking girls. At least when I was a child I’d see boys liking girls and I’d envy that. And maybe that’s what happened to you? You envied the fact that men are socially accepted for liking women and you mistook that feeling with thinking you wanted to be a man.

The only person who can tell what you are is you. Labels are there after you realize what you are because then consequently you will fit in one.

Being a lesbian is about a woman or non-binary person attracted to women/non-binary people and not being attracted to men. Do you think you fit that description? If you do, then you’re probably a lesbian.

Feel welcome to send more asks if you want to. Have a good day/night as well!

#stephanie answers #🌙 anon #long post

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