#i dont have anythig else to say

[mikeellee]

Fanon vs canon

Writing on my cellphone so...hm, bear with me. I've got experience in seeing the fandom cultures and know by now how popular fanon are regarded as canon even if they are against canon.

Sometimes I can partake in this. Especially if is about a character we like.

In MHA, its amazing how there few fanons that actually help Izu. Not saying it doesnt exist (people are free to still love and make dekusquad arts but well...Hori murder that for me) but in most the fanon is not helping Izu at all

"We need to explore quirkless discrimination"

Which many people dont want to admit how...quirkless discrimination is more "Izu being abused"

The fics with this tag...are usually the ones where Izu has to face extra shit "or you pau the rent or you die" situation. It's usually ONLY Izu who faces those situations.

Let me ask you smth: where was in canon quirkless being denied anythig? They can't be hero which ...makes sense. But show me quirkless being treated as less.

Let me ask smth else, if the whole concept of "people with strong quirk can do whatever" why this courtesy isnt offered to Izu? His quirk is powerful.

I tell you why...quirkless discrimination exists soley for Izu abuse. Am, while his past is still a mystery, doesnt seem a person who had a relatively happy childhood.

Izu was abused by BK not bc...he lack a quirk but bc BK is a sociopath. In his view, he thinks Izu looks down on him and that's it. Its his greenlight to make his life hell.

Fanon often shows Aldera as a hellhole where "we need to stone Izu, the quirkless" which makes 0 sense.

Like, if Aldera really has a massive hate boner with Izu for being quirkless...why Inko enroll her son there? I have issues with Inko but she does love Izu...so I find hard to believe she would enroll him in a "quirkless need to die" at all. Either she is evil or Aldera puts the best act in the world.

I go further and I think Aldera did healed Izu...when BK went after him. Again, not defending that school they have sins and should have consequences but like....I can see them healing the students (lets not forget bk's quirk could leave severe demages on Izu) unlike RG who is "if you dont stop breaking your bones...I will stop healing you"

Many fics put Aldera as a hellhole while put UA as the best....my ninja, my guy. UA is worse than Aldera. Aizawa is a bad teacher who has a wierd biases against Izu.

The Aldera senseis failed the students bc they let bk do whatever.

UA fails Izu and blames him. There's many criticism to read about Aizawa...the man shouldn't be a teacher...and also, no one points out but Aizawa is Hori stand in. Hori doesnt like Izu....

How and why Izu wants to be hero is unclear to this day.

"Why fanon sucks for Izu?"

Honestly, bc the mentality most have on Izu and his past is how....he has some blame. "He stalked bk" NO. He never did, it was the other way around. "He didnt train enough" he is training a lot, but Aizawa is not giving a fuck (he calls Izu lazy...like...huh?! And Izu saved him from Shig) and AM is suddenly too stupid to help. "He didnt ask help to his friends" WHAT FRIENDS? BC HE NEVER HAD ONE, HE DOES SEE CONIVENTS WITH BULLYING/ABUSE.

To conclude, canon and fanon in mha are equally bad in this story...bc most people seem to have a "victim blame" mentality towards Izu.

#hori is a bad writer #izuku deserves better #bhna critical #mha critical #the way Hori treats his mc is wierd #fanon vs canon #both suck here

[roughentumble]

also like its hard to talk about cuz he isnt totally useless or anythig its not like he's Cursed to Never Get Anything Right, he gets himself and other people out of scrapes, he wins arguments, he isnt A Worthless Buffoon Who Is Loved By The Grace Of Those Around Him. he is genuinely extremely talented as a bard! he is genuinely likeable! but also sometimes the stuff people bring up is like, oh he's a spy(iirc he wasnt a very good one) and its like. ok yes he does do stuff but sometimes he sucks at that stuff. but sometimes he doesnt. but like

well anyway when im making posts like that i do reduce him to "doesnt bring material gains" in a very broad manner because it's simple shorthand, but he isnt THAT flat of a character. he does have skills and things he does right and he does have nuance and abilities like anyone else.

its just, like, he's just a normal dude who sucks at a lot of stuff in a very human way. and he thinks he's dying when he gets a minor cut on his ear, but its because it's from a CROSSBOW BOLT that came so close to his head he panicked. because he lived a life where he didnt know that kind of pain and panic and fear, where he hadnt seen his own blood like that. and yet that isnt seen as a mark against him in the narrative, he isnt mocked for being "soft". its like-- i dont know if useless is actually the right word for him, at leat not all the time, its just that its usefull(<-ha) for what im trying to convey in posts like that. but i dont intend, exactly, to be insulting to dandelion, who is a womanizer and a rake and a fiend and a cynic and a lecher but he is also My Friend and My Special Little Boy and very beloved and skrunkly.

like im not saying useless over and over as an insult, or to say He Has Never Ever Had A Skill Or Succeeded In His Life, but to position him a certain way in my argument to get a point across.

#witcher tag #ogc tag #does this make sense? sorry

[vent101]

I dont know why these feelings become so strong always when Im at work. Its 16.30 rn. I guess i am a bit sleep deprived, got like 4 hrs of snooze.

Still, I am frustrated about my response to an issue that I myself caused kind of so like. what even.

I dont like being like this. I dont want to be this angry person. I dont want to be this person who makes up a thing I and my friend HAVE to go to because I need to get out somewhere but then throw a fit and turn cold towards them when they cant do as I please. I dont want this.

There are so many ugly and bad things I want to say to her to make her feel bad about sth thats not even her problem just because she wasnt abailable when I needed her to be. And Ive mostly never said anything, if anythig Ive had some attitude with curt replies and the like, but never anything direct. And maybe some would say that im a better person for keeping it all in. but I dont feel anything. If at all, I feel these emotions taking a hold of me, choking me, ruining MY day. Its always because I made myself feel like shit for habing shit thoughts, never anyone else.

And I dont want this burden. I want to yell at her and say "This isnt fair" and I want to unburden from these thoughts, to get some release.

And so I stay, forever in my whirlwond of emotions that are unfair to me, making me feel like shit with no fucking way out of this besides just suffering them. Feels like thats all im here for lmao.

[jinnoit]

Hmmmm

#huney’s rantings #have to break a mutualship with someone because they rb’d something that deeply hurt me :/// #im not seeking attention when I say im cis ace............ people legit think asexuality is a disorder #like.................. ive had conversations with people who think Im just abstinate #im....... not #but they refuse to believe anythig else #the hets dont think we’re real/think we’re sick #and a good chunk of the LGTBQ community thinks we’re cishets in disguise just wanting attention when #we just want someplace to be comfortable and call home without discrimination #but we have a looooooooooong way to go and a looooooooooot of obstacles to overcome

[zmayadw]

'Morning to all!

A bussy weekend is in front of me, so I'll post the next part of the story now :)

Wish you all a great weekend! :)

CALL OF THE RAVEN

PART 22

Mayas POV

I barely managed to get any sleep. I woke up every little, checking if Jake was breathing. I was terrified seeing him yesterday, but also relieved when they finaly got back. I got out of bed, glancing once more at him before i closed the door, heading for the kitchen. Jessy was already there, with fresh coffee just about done. „'Morning.“ I said to her, both of us sharing the same sleepless face. I sat down, Jessy joining me after a minute, handing me a cup. „Is Dan ok?“ i asked, guilt for what happened crawling at me. „He will be.“ She started, and chuckled a bit „I think his pride got more hurt then him actually.“ I smiled at it a bit. „I'm sorry, Jessy.“ She looked at me „What for?“ „For all of this.“ I said and sighed „What if something happened to Dan again? I mean, worse then it did yesterday. Things just got somewhat normal for you, and now i've pulled you back again in some weird shit.“ Jessy took my hand, squeezing it hard „Hey, we both told you before, we're here for you. And not just for the good part.“ „I know, Jessy, but i dont want for anything to happen to any of you, i could never forgive myself for it.“ Just the tought of something happeneing to her, or Dan, ached me. She smiled at me „We're in this together, and there's nothing you can say or do that will make us change our minds.“ „You can say that again!“ Dans voice came from the door, and we both turned to him. „And, besides“ he said, taking a cup from the cupboard and filling it with coffee „Your man would be lost without me.“ He turned to us, grinning. I laughed „You are starting to like him more and more, aren't you?“ Dan sat down and looked all serious at me „I will neither confirm nor deny this!“ Jessy and me laughed at it, Dan winking at me with a grin. „Thank you, both of you, for everything.“ Jessy smiled at me, and Dan said „All right, all right, its too early for that wooshy mooshy stuff.“ He got up, going to the fridge, opening it and rubbing his hands together „Its time for Dans special eggs breakfast.“ I looked at Jessy, rising my eyebrow „Do i dare to eat that?“ She laughed „Dont worry, it's actually good.“

Dans cooking skills wer pretty good, he made us a great breakfast, I had no idea i was that hungry. I helped Jessy clear the table after we finished, refilling my coffee cup before sitting down again. „Dan, what happened yesterday?“ i asked. He looked at me a bit uneased „Shouldnt we wait for Jake to join us for this?“ „Please, Dan, who knows how long he will be asleep. I just need to know.“ Jessy looked at him, squeezing his hand „I'm sure Jake wont mind.“ She was as much impatient as me to find out. Dan switched glances between the two of us, sighing desperatly „All righ, fine. But just for the record, if he asks, you two better stand up for me.“ We both just nooded at him. „Ok.“ he said, taking a deep breath before he started telling us about last night.

„What the hell is going on here?“ Jessy said, confusion all over her face. I was as much confused as her, but i was more concerned about the pictures part. Just the thought of someone watching me, following me arround, sent chills down my spine. What was happening here? What was this all about? Was this related to the prior events, or was this something completely different? There wer so manny questions in my head, but no answers to any of it. „You all right there, Maya?“ Dan asked, looking worryingly at me. „Im fine“ i said. „I mean, im not fine, this is all getting freaking confusing more and more!“ Both of them wer looking at me intensly now. „But dont worry, i'm not gonna loose it.“ I looked at Dan „Did Jake say anything more to you about the laptop?“ „No, nothing, so you will just have to wait for him to tell you more.“

Jakes POV

My eyes opened and It took me a moment to remember what happened and to realize where i was. My head was still hurting, but compared to yesterday this was a relief. I got in sitting position, no clue what time it was, the curtains wer drawn over the window. I took the glass that was next to bed and some more painkillers, drinking it before i got up and dressed. I left the room heading for the kitchen. The moment i saw the grim faces of Jessy and Maya i knew. „So, you told them.“ I said to Dan as i entered the kitchen. „Sorry, man, they begged me.“ He told me, as i sat down next to Maya. She leaned to me, giving me a soft kiss „Dont be mad that we didnt wait for you, i just needed to know.“ „Its fine.“ I said smiling at her. „Want some coffee?“ Jessy asked, and i nodded. „How you feeling?“ Maya asked. „Better. My head still hurts, but at least the dizziness is gone.“ „Good.“ She said, but worry was still present all over her face.“Was there anything useful on that laptop, by the way?“ Jessy asked, handing me the cup. „Nothing, i'm afraid. It was just one of those automatic calling programs, you can basicly get it anywhere. And with some easy tweeking, you can set it however you want.„ „Great, so not much help there.“ she said sighing. „Did any of you saw who it was that attacked you?“. „No, i got hit from behind, i didnt see anything.“ Dan answered, turning his look to me. „Nothing.“ I said „I rushed in too foolishly when i saw Dan.“ „Damn it.“ Jessy said, when Maya asked. „Did the preson say anything? Before you got knocked out?“ You can't save her, boy. She will die. The words echoed in my head again. „Jake?“ I turned to her. She looked so tired, and beaten with worry. So i lied. „No, nothing.“ She continued looking at me so intensly, i was sure she would see right through me. But she just leaned her head to my shoulder, sighing „So we still don't know anythig.“ „I'm sorry, Maya.“ I said, leaning my head to hers „I hoped we would find something, anything that would shed some light to this.“ „Me, too“ she said, sounding so defeated. „We wont give up, we will just try harder.“ Dan said. „We wont let a few blows to the head make us quit.“ He grinned, Jessy shaking her head and rolling her eyes at him. „ Joking aside“ she started, giving Dan a stare „But Dan is right, we wont give up.“

Mayas POV

Jessy made us stay for lunch before letting us go back to the motel. We all just ate in silence, lost in our toughts. All this was just getting more confusing with each day, leaving so manny unanswered questions in my head. „I saw Phil the other day.“ Jessys words snapped me out of my thoughts. Both Jake and me looked at eachother for a moment, and i turned to Jessy „Yeah?“ She sighed „He didnt want to tell me what happened, but he has a nasty bruise on his face.“ „Really?“ i said, trying to sound surprised, averting my eyes back to my plate. Jake smirked at it. „You know something about it, man, dont you?“ Dan said to Jake grinning. Jessy looked at us „Oh, god, what happened?“ she asked desperatly. „Well, you know how you said to me Phil can be a jerk sometimes?“ i asked, and she just nodded. „Phil was a jerk. So Jake hit him.“ I said nonchalantly, Dan grinning even more „Nice, man.“ He said to Jake, and he grinned back at Dan. Jessy looked bewildered at Jake „You did what?!“ „She just told you.“ he said to her, Jessy rolling her eyes, turning to me. „Can you be more specific, please.“ I sighed „Fine. Phil provoked him, and it happened, Jessy. I cant say im sorry about it, he did deserve it, he crossed the line.“ Dan was still grinning at it, but Jessy got up from the table, throwing her hands up in desperation and annoyance „Great, now i have to find another place.“ I turned to her „Another place for what?“ „To celebrate me getting that job at the library.“ „Oh, congratulation, Jessy, i'm so happy for you!“ i chimed. „Thanks!“ She said cheerfully before getting serious again. „But I still have the same problem. I cant have this one“ she said pointing at Jake „having another run down with my brother again.“ „Hey, i dont have to be there.“ Jake told her, and she looked at him, rising her eyebrow „ Maya would be, and i highly doubt you would let her be alone anywhere near my brother after what happened.“ „Point taken.“ he said to her thoughtfully. „I dont mind going to the Aurora, Jessy.“ I said, and all looked at me. I rolled my eyes „Its not like i would be going there for Phil. And besides, it's a big place, i'm sure we can all avoid each other just fine for that one evening.“ I took a bite of off my plate „It's actually Phil you have to talk to about it.“ I started „Maybe he banned Jake and me from the Aurora after it.“ i said grinning at her. Jessy groaned with frustration at us „Argh, can anything be simple with you two!?“ „But its more interesting like this, babe!“ Dan chimed cheerfuly, Jake and me looking at eachother and chuckling, leaving poor Jessy just shake her head at us all.

Back at the motel, i just threw myself on the bed. „What are we gonna do now?“ „I'll take a shower for sure.“ Jake said as he sat on the bed rubbing at the side of his head. „I didnt mean it like that.“ I rolled my eyes at him. „I know you didnt.“ He said desperatly. „But to be honest, i have no clue what to tell you.“ I burried my face in the pillow and screamed, making him look at me. „Sorry“ i said „Im just fucking frustrated with it all right now. I have no clue what is happening here, or why it's happening. And we didnt find out anything yesterday, so we're back at square one!“ „Dont you think this all isnt frustrating for me also?“ he said, but his voice was adding something else to that frustration. I looked him straight in the eyes „Are you sure there isnt anything else you want to tell me?“ I tought his eyes widened for a second at my question, but he just said „Ofcourse not, I told you everything.“ There was something in his voice, I wasnt sure he was telling me the truth, wich just made me more frustrated. „Fine, whatever. Go take your shower.“ I said a bit snapily. „Fine, i will!“ he said, a bit of hurt in his voice, getting up and going to the bathroom, slamming the doors. He stomped back a moment later, his hoodie and pants gone. „Why are you angry at me now?“ he asked, rising his voice. „Im not!“ i said, also rising my voice, getting up from the bed. "I'm just frustrated and angry with everything now, ok?!“ „Fine! Dont take it out on me then!“ he said and stomped back. I threw myself backwards on the bed. Shit, i didnt want to fight with him, but all that was happening was driving us both crazy. It was just a matter of time before we would snap at eachother. Bathroom doors opened once more, Jake stomping out again with just his boxers on. He came to the bed and grabbed my hand, pulling me up and going back towards bathroom. „What are you doing?“ I asked. He just continued going „You look sexy when angry, and i'm horny now, so you're taking a shower with me.“

Jakes POV

I couldnt sleep, the toughts wer racing wild in my mind. I turned to her, and smiled. I could just stare at her like this for hours. She was sleeping soundly, it was the only time she looked at peace these last days. I got out of bed silently, going to the bathroom, and just stared at the mirror. I hated myself for lying to her. But how could i tell her the truth!? Those words wer haunting me, eating at me inside. I feared what it might do to her if she only knew. If i wasn't so careless that day, things might end differently, this all could have ended by now. I was furious at myself for that, rage boiling in me. „Fuck!“ i cursed out loud, my fist involuntarily colliding with the wall next to the mirror. „Jake?“ She called to me from the room after a moment, making me curse inside. Breathing deep to calm myself, I took the glass and filled it with water before going back. „Sorry, did I wake you?“ i said, forcing a smile on my face. She just smiled at me sleepily „Dont worry. Is everything all right? I thought i heard a noise.“ „Yeah, sorry, that was me. I knocked down the glass.“ I said. „Oh, ok. Well, come back to bed.“ She said yawning, laying back on her pillow. I got under the covers, pulling her close to me, hugging her tight. She smiled, snuggling even closer to me before falling back to sleep almost instantly. Those cursed words came back to me again. But no, that wont happen, what he said to me, he was wrong. I made a promise to myself then, I'll make sure nothing happens to her. I wont let her down, ever again.

#duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake #duskwood mc #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood jessy #duskwood dan #duskwood everbyte

[adhdsix]

You doin ok buddy? i'm here to help

bvvv i dunno ,, my mind always finds some way to ruin everything i see or do or w/e even if its something that shouldnt be a very big deal sometimes i say im in a happy mood and i even feel like it but i just know if anyone in the house tried to talk to me i'd snap at them and my mood would be ruined and someones mad at me now and that just doesnt seem happy im always focusing on insignificant things and cant help it ? ex anytime i see a video recorded in a car i just kinda wish i was there bcz i like cars and car rides and its literally no big deal at all but then i find myself on the verge of tears cause god i dont wanna be where i am right now or i see any piece of art and i just am suddenly hit with how unhappy i am w my own, even if i like how it turns out sometimes i feel like im not really progressing any more and i just cant find comfort in anything i have fun sometimes but its just so easy to ruin the mood and overall i feel kind of miserable hearing footsteps outside my room is enough to stress me out sort of unrelated but it keeps occuring to me that some of these things i do or think just arent really normal things ive got this insane paranoia at any time of the day my mind convinces me someone else is just. in my head and ive gotta stop everything im doing n yell at them to go away . n then its a kind of guessing game . i never know when theyve left. if they have at all it stops me from doing so many things just because they feel weird, for example saying or even typing certain words that arent weird words at all? theyre like in so many peoples daily dictionary? but for some reason no i could never say/type that in front of whoevers in my head rn on top of this i dont like speaking at all anyways sometimes im just too exhausted for it and i physically cant form words or i just. dont. feel like it obviously im always pressured to talk anyways and its not like theres anythig i can do about that other than feel bad augh ayways sorry abt all of this its a real mess i doubt theres much of a way to help with all this but just giving me a space to talk abt it makes it feel a little better so thank you

#ask #vent #Wow i have problems! oh i am so sorry #this isnt even everythign #sor srory

[afoolnottoloveu]

why make a carrd when i can tell you everything you need to know about me here??

written intro: hi! my name is thea (or u can call me tea!) and this is my bloggggg, i generally try to be a safe space but i talk abt myself a lot, abt my interests and reblog things i find funny or i enjoy, or prompt my followers to interact hehe. i hope u enjoy ur stay here and thank you for dropping by in the first place! it means a lot. have a a good day!

—

about me ;;

names: t / tea / thea (they-uh)

old @s: m-n-m,, gublertoon

pronouns: they/them ,, subject to change ONLY with my direct acknowledgment (don’t go calling me smth else just bc u see one of my moots saying it)

age: minor!! pls dont pop in my dms if ur looking for stuff from me i will block u very quickly

tidbits: aapi/se asian, lives in pst, isfp, leo sun aries moon aquarius rising, definitely pansexual, probably genderfluid

social media: my public twt is @nythinq ,, if u would like my stan bts twt pls check my sideblog hehe (or u can dm me) // link to my spotify

—

stuff you'll find me blogging about:

- bts txt enhypen itzy (often) (rb sideblog @lderthnbmbs)

- mxmtoon <3

- other artists i like such as dodie, chloe moriondo, eh it changes quite frequently

- cm (occasional)

- polygon (on my sideblog @polygonslut)

- cartoons [vld, spop, miraculous] (occasional)

- "where are my followers" (often)

- writing ? (kinda often?)

—

dnf/dni if:

- basic dni criteria (racist, homophobic)

- think pansexuality isnt real, think bi/pan lesbians Are real

- under like idk 10 or 11 idrc abt age just dont go announcing it on the internet and stay safe <3 (i dont have a max either,,, actually no yeah i do its abt mid 30s if ur over mid 30s dnf)

- ur mean to my mutuals i will literally eat u

—

things to know:

- i use twt etiquette/language? it gets quite annoying to myself sometimes so if tht might annoy u bc this is definitely not twt then... sorry

- i rly try to be considerate of everyone and their situations so ill try to use tws and even tone indicators, but if u need me to do it more frequently or tag anythig specific, pls lmk

- asks, submissions and dms are always open! i most likely wont dm first even if i think ur a rly cool mutual tho but hey if u wanna like.. dm first.. yk...

—

fun facts bc i had one in my last about me page

- I THINK ANIMALS R JUST THE COOLEST my favorite r numbats and second r dogs!!! i have a dog she is so cool

- poetry is very cool i am a genuine n unironic enjoyer of rupi kaur but if you also think poetry is very cool you should let me know your favorite author!

- i hate shopping?? online and in person.. it’s tiring and hurts my head and i’m also indecisive so USUALLY it’s not a fun time (sometimes there are exceptions though)

—

that’s it!!

thank you for reading through this whole thing and once again enjoy your stay on my blog

with love, thea ♡

#navi #about thea #no link to my twt to force ppl to look it up themselves if they actually care

[flower-of-the-desert]

I know I’ve said this before at some point but the gifset I just reblogged where it was brought up the way Wat deals with people hitting on Tine and it got me thinking about it again and I just, I love love the way the show handled the jealousy subplots with Mil and Wat.

Like I love me a good jealousy/possessiveness kink but so many shows do it in a way that’s a complete turn off (like one partner being unreasonably and hurtfully jealous and the other partner having to Put Up With It(TM)) or makes absolutely no sense - like getting jealous that your boyfriend is talking with a person you dont know or gettig angry at your boyfriend because other people are flirting with him like ??????? I’ve never understood this plot logic and it’s one of the things that piss me off the most because it’s one thing to be pissy if your partner is flirting with someone else but it’s another if he’s just like minding his own business and other people are hitting on him.

And you get the same situation with Mil, Tine and Wat. Mil tries to flirt with Tine. Tine isnt intersted (you could even make the argument that he didnt even realise that’s what Mil was trying to do), he’s not flirting back, he’s not leading him on, etc. Basically the issue here is with Mil. And Sarawat sees that. He knows Tine isnt doing anything wrong and it’s Mil causing the problem so he goes directly to him to deal with the situation.  He never once gets angry at Tine or accuses him of anythig like you’d see in a lot of similar plots. And we get to enjoy possessive/protective boyfriend Sarawat free of any of that nonsense being infinitely gentle with his love while telling other people to fuck off which 10/10 some good shit right there.

Also like possessive sex is one of my weakness just saying wink wink nudge nudge gotta stay on brand

I hope more shows start doing it like this.

#bl drama #2gether the series

[klunked-moved]

.

#madie.txt #i cant sleep and i cant stop thinking #what if my birthday comes and nobody remembers #i know someone with the same birthday and if that happens im gonna have to watch them get so much love #and ill have nobody #god im so fucking nervous #i dont have anyone to even celebrate my birthday with irl #im so scared i just want to be likable but i know im not #my best friend sounds rly bored whenever we call bc i dont have anything new to tell her about my life #bc its the same thing always #go to school. go home. spend the night here. repeat. #all my stories and news have something to do with voltrn and i know its annoyitn #but i literally dont have anythig else to say i dont have any friends at my school #shes bored with me and i dont blame her #im so fucking lonely

[rockmusics]

tagged by @chrisbells ty new mutual 🌟💕

how tall are you? defo more than 5”2

what colour & style is your hair? usually its my short dark brown hair half up half down but im letting it grow now but i still do that same hairstyle

what colour are your eyes? brown<3!!

do you wear glasses? na

do you wear braces? i had them 3 yrs ago BUT OMG I lost my retainer and one tooth is going weird and my mom is mad at me for it and yeah i feel bad for myself and hhhhhh

what is your fashion style? comfy lol

full name? not gon say! but i dont have a middle name so its just my first (amra) and last

when were you born? a fine august morning

where are you from & where do you live now? well both my parents are from bosnia but the hospital i was born in is like 20 mins away

what school do you go to? my local high school (which is being rebuilt and i have to be in trailers for this sem and all of next year)

what kind of student are you? a good one i gesss. i only got 2 detentions last year and ive had to stay after class like 3 times. when i have class with my friends i am pretty loud

do you like school? pfff this year is so easy for me liiiiike haha ✌️and yeah i guess i do like it

what are your favourite subjects? geography and algebra i guess. i would say science bc all we do are easy worksheets and webquests haa

favourite tv shows? i dont keep up with any televison series or watch netflix, but when i do watch tv i just watch whats going live like catfish, property brothers, those animal docs on bbc, teen nick when the good shows are on, friends and b99 occasionally

favourite movies? cant think of anythig else other than anchors aweigh... uh at this point ive forgotten what modern movies ive watched lol

favourite books? dracula, pride & prejudice. those are the only ones (of the very few) that stick

favourite past times? making gifs, cleaning lol, WATCHING MOVIES, being with friends

do you have any regrets? not working out since november...

dream job? a photographer

would you like to get married someday? yes

would like to have kids some day? yessss

how many? aiming for just 1 but no more than 2 pls

do you like shopping? i DREAD it. tbh i have to be in the right mood but im pretty sure i always annoy my mom and sister when im out with them cuz im always yawning or having to pee lol.

what countries have you visited? ive stayed in america uüùghgh

scariest nightmare you’ve ever had ? someone was on top of me and i could actually feel it but irl it was probably just my legs kicking the blanket

do you have any enemies? dont think

do you have a significant other? na

do you believe in miracles? idk

i’ll tag: @its-never-over @johnlennonofficial @m0rning-moon @ciarlola @georgiecrisp @b-e-a-t-l-e-s do as u please 🎊🌟

#whoo what a ride #tagged

[chaospastry]

Someone: "Bea, what even happened with your exfriend?"

This is the third time we stopped being friends tbqh

For me, over the past three years they kept doing things that made me feel worthless, uncomfortable, or unsafe and I couldn't confront them at all without them lashing out at me in some way and it got worse and worse, especially toward the end and I was facing physically dangerous amounts of stress both from them, my family, and work which added to communication issues

For them, I confessed to having romantic feelings for them while they were dating (the feelings weren't romantic or constant or consistent, I simply didn't have anything to compare them too But either way I ultimately did the thing and am at fault for it and will always be sorry for it) and it was fine for a day or two before they began to view ALL of our past interactions through the lens of sexual or romantic "lust" which is understandable even if it wasn't the case at all

Ultimately, we no longer felt safe with each other... And even if that wasn't the case, we had exhausted all of our dialogue and what conversations we did have were extremely one-sided

After we stopped being friends, two things happened. One was they refused to listen to me, they started twisting my words more and more as time went/goes on, and even putting words in my mouth to make me out to be an irredeemable monster. Two was I stopped worrying about losing them since they were already lost and I started realizing how certain things they did negatively affected me like saying to me "you have no right to be upset" or "please don't call me abusive because it's upsetting", or using me, manipulating me, or lying to me

We were really important to each other (and I for one will never be ok with losing them) but that doesn't excuse or negate the ways we hurt each other

#this ends a bit ubruptly but i dont have anythig else to say thats not just pointing fingers #neither of us are irredeemable #but that doesnt nean that we're forgiveable

[fdhfjdafdajfa]

somethin fuckin weird happened last night. i was getting high on the roof like ya do and somehow the conversation shifted to politics (i think it was like "how long you stayin in india?" "i dont think ill leave unless forced to at threat of my life" "oh why would it come under threat?") and so there was this indian dude smoking me up and just straight up we shootin the shit on the election. n hes the first dude ive seen irl EVER say stuff like "modi has a great reputation abroad" and "if not him who else" and these are both common enough things that ive been training in jehadi camp to take down for years n like i did... no hostility at all just some kids smoking weed on the roof

n like the thing is its so true that the development veneer is totally gone this run around but yknow i dont think the dog whistling is because theyre trying to pull anythig over on anyone who doesnt want to have one pulled over on them. its becsuse the speaker is taking advantage of the trait of hindus (and fascists, and desperate people) to hold multiple contradicting ideas and just cherry pick their favs case by case. so you really can think "we'll implement the NRC and get all infiltrators out of the country except for hindus" has nothing to do with religion because you're IGNORING that part which you can do because on a human level you dont really Get the serverity of that kind of statement. i only KIND OF get it because i had the luxury of growing up in a country that had holocaust survivors going to every remote area of the country to say "this was very bad. do not do this." which is a far cry from living in a country full of monuments to people who sabotaged the british while they were fighting nazi germany and imperial japan. its just a very different experience. it might be the single greatest cultural difference between usa and india.

[qifshaa]

I know you might see this and i know you wont like reading this but yes, i am dieing.. the day my heart broke was the day these emotions came out. When you told me what you were holding back for so long, it felt like a bullet straight through my heart. I stopped breathing, felt the blood rushing but going nowhere.. it killed me knowing that i kept moving forward with those emotions where you werent moving at all. Too see now those emotions with someone else just feels like the shrapnel in my heart just expand and start growing in there. The way we spent our time together was so undescribable that still to this day i remember when you got so drunk i helped you into bed and took care of your baby. You were so beautiful yet you didnt know it. Everyday i got that much closer to you because i never had anyone like you, you were and still are the only person i love. You made me feel things i didnt even know existed, shit that ive never seen in movies. You gave them to me. But it all just turned into darkness that day you told me it wasnt the same. I didnt think that after aaaaall the time i knew you and you telling me who you were that you werent the person to hold back certain things that you held back from me for 2 months. I know it wasnt a long time but i thought about those 2 months and those 2 months all i wanted was to bethere for you even throughout all the fights we went through. Before i started working i knew it wouldve came and i told you and asked you “do you reckon we will stop texting cause ill be working full time” and i didnt expect us to stop talking so soon and it hasnt even been a year of working 😔 i didnt realise how much of an impact you have in my life. I an depressed and emotionally broken and it seems like i want to just leave and hate life but its mainly just clouding all the deep emotions of love i have for you. Im holding it all in as if ive been swimming for a thousand metres for you. Unable to breathe and look forward but yet i knew that you would be at the end of the line holding out your hand for me. The way i see you speak and act now was so different to when i use to see you on the weekly basis, i guess this is me realising how attched i was to you seeing you grow but now that we dont talk i see you growing into a different path and i dont know if its a good or bad path only you will know it. But i just hope that path leads to a beautiful family and endless love for you. You dont deserve anything less and its surprising to see how much love you have stored in you and i never saw any of it. And now that you let it all out i dont know what i see in you anymore cause i knew that we would never be together but seeing how much love was inside of you and now seeing it cloud your thoughts is making me so scared cause you always told me that you didnt want love now and you were just gonna wait but it all changed within a week. We both spoke about focusing on school and not getting to close with friends regardless of gender yet it all get side casted when you met him. I have no doubt you may like him, but i know who you are. And i know you dont love him. He gives you a feelig you thought you lost but what if you are feeding yourself the feelig wth your own emotions? You know who you are and we both know what we have been through and we know how your brain works yet you really want to believe that it is love. You say that you guys wont be how you were before yet you guys keep feeding eachother more and more making you guys crumble more inside. You are doing things you never EVER did with me and it fucken hurts so damn much 😅 but i cant say anything cause you always think of a something to say that shows im wrong when i know deep down that i am right and you know it too but you just cant admit it to yourself and that i dont even know why. This is just a weird rant about us but i dont want to send this to you directly because i dont know what we would say after this.. 😓 When i made you laugh, it made me laugh.. you gave me genuine giggles and bubbles in my stomache and not even in the way of affection, but just nervousness cause i didnt want to do anythig thaat unimpresses you 🙈 you made me feel great about myself and you made me understand more about myself than i thought i already knew. You made me come in so close to you i knew every little feature about you and all the insecurities you have. I loved you in every way and i loved you in ways you havent even realised still to this day and you wont ever notice them now cause your love faded away months ago and is directed to someone else. I dont know how i feel about us from talking every day to not talking anymore and to you talking to him everyday and not me anymore. It was all such a rush and such a sudden change you gave me no time to think and no time to heal and you dont show any help towards me in koving forward or try visting me or taking me out because of the relation you have with my sisters, how can we be bestfriends if you dont even feel comfortable at my house.. i never wanted to believe it but i just feel like im being used but i like it. I actually want you to cause you are the reason for my daily smiles. You dont realise what you gave me and what you took away from me. You say you will never ever forget me as a bestfriend and never will forget me in general. But i see it in your heart, you have. 5 months ago we used to tell eachother every time we leave the house and send “Get home safely” messages before i even make it half way home and then 2 months ago i started having to text you “i got home safely “ after ive been in my room for 5 mins and that showed me the meaning of “i love you” and “love you” Little things like that i dont think you realised and i know youll accuse it cause of the situation we are in but no, its not 😒 you started dropping all of out little gestures and thoughts about one another untill i had to bring it up or let you know for you to tell me that you forgot or felt bad. I am sorry that you stopped loving me and i dont know how you moved on so fast but maybe in time ill move on from you too. I am sorry that i am not truly your bestfriend but i dont know how to talk to you anymore when every day it is spent with another guy talking to you, so why should i bother aha I dont know what this whole thing is about but its just shit on my mind so dont judge I love you, honestly i do. But lately... your actions are showing me otherwise. You literally are becoming someone you didnt want to be and i dont know what to say about it cause youll just get hurt and shut me out. You never stayed out so late to complete work or to hang with friends till you met him. And not even wit me either. And its just making me realise that you never loved me that way and how much you are willing to be with him. Three times now i have not told you yet but whilst you were not home i just had to go to your home just so i could say hello to your beautiful baby. Yes i know i never told you but i just had to show adeline that regardless where her mother was and ehats going on in her life she still has an uncle to care for her when she needs it. Ive seen lately that she has started getting slimmer and more aggressive but i dont know wether its cause of how she acts at home or what she is watching but she is changing to fast and it hurts me seeing her this way and i can only imagine how it must be on you 😔 The only dream ive had this past week was me going to my primary school but not as a child. As a father to my own kids picking them up , i didnt have a wife or girlfriend cause ive always wanted to be a lone dad but i remember taking a step into the school and seeing Adeline run right past me.. it fucken broke my heart knowing how much she meant to me but for the slghtest moment , she stopped and waved at me. 😦 i hated this fream so much cause i woke up straight after that at 3 am and was crying till 5 am and drove to work dreaded in tears. I hope i am there to pick up Adeline after school to take her to get ice cream and toys as the great uncle i always should be. I just hope her mother is there to realise what she has and how much the two of them mean to him. Goodnight biffle ♥️👐🏼

~Nazif Bujupi 18/06/2018

[mycomori]

i’ve been holding my tears in song i feel sick i can barely breathe my problems only ever weigh on others they ask me to tell them then ally hey ever do is push me down i can’t do this i can’t do it anymore i ducking can’t today was good i was having a good day i was excited totry someonethjbg atteh lance w head to go even tho we had to walk ithe snow and it was incredibly crowded and i was already sick bitthen i was told i could get what i wanted so i stea is had to force down something g that made em sickthen wasn’t allowed to get a green tea latte when we went to starbucks for dessert because it had caffeine even tho other people were allowed to get chai lattes which literally have 15mg MORE caffeine than green tea lattes and i fu king know that for a fact i worked at starbucks for two years and literally that whorls got just made me panic and every time i tried to get it back on track she jsut got worse and worse i broke down and i’m just done with being treated likethis but hahah hey guess what i literally have nothing else to go back to i have nothing!!! treatmentishprrible but living is horrible i feel like i’m fucki g dying every fucki g day and i’m so done with it i’m done i’m done i told my therapist everything i wa suspect shout and all she did was say she understood and like ijist butjothi g!!! NOTHING FUCKING CHNAGES! NOTHI G EVER CHANGES! HOW THE FUCK AM IS IPOOAE DOT BELEIVE ANYTHIG GOOD WILL HAPPEN WHEN U TRY ABD TRY AHD TRY AND FUCKING TRY AND UT NEVE EFUCKI G DOES IM FUCKJG YIRED OF TRYING US JOT WOROTH IT UTS JUST JOT LIVING ISNT WORYTB IT ALL I GET OHT OF LIVING IS FUCKING SUFERI G I CANT DO THIS IS DONT WANT TO I DONT WNAT TO LIVE ANYMORE I REALLY JSUT DONT AND IM MOST UOSET RIGHT HOW BECAUSE I JUST REALLY CAN NOT FIND A WAY TO KILL NYSELF SO IK JISY STYCK FEELI G LIKE IM DYING AND HOPING MAYBE ILL BE THE FIRST EVER DEATH FROM WEED OVERDOSE CAUSE I CANG DI THIS SHIT ANYMORE

#p

[gibbearish]

something that ppl seem to forget is like... a person doesn't necessarily have to be in a position of privilege to oppress others.. oppressed individuals can still be oppressors, believe it or not..... and ppl who are part of a marginalized group that's ""lower on the food chain"" so to speak can, in fact, be oppressive towards a group that's ""higher up"".... wild huh........

#an example: all througout elementary school i was bullied by this one kid cause i was super fuckin short #keep in mind that im still short but back tjen i was like 2 feet shorter than literally everyone #and lile it never got super bad but it was still p shitty #they would like make fun of me every time they saw me and one time shoved me to the ground (of course #at the time id kinda veen trying to get ahead of thrn in line but like... there was like 20ft in between them and yhe next person so like?/ #i feel like it shouldnt have been made into such a big deal cause like... if u wanna stand arouns and talk then go right ahead but like #domt make everyone else wait an extra 10 mins to get breakfasr yknow? #anyways back to the maun thung) #they weny out of their way to antagonize me whenever possible just bc i was short but the kicker??? #they were literally almost the exct same heighy as me #but somehow every time i btought that up thry dodged it and went back to makimg fun of me #idk i just #bluh #nightlight lilts #offline #txt.png #ALSO FUXKIM DISCLAIMER: IM NIT TRYIG TO FUCKIG SAY THAT SHORT PPL ARE A MIMORITY OR ARE OPPRESSED OR ANYTHIG LIKR THAT #I WAS JUST TRYNA PROVIDE AN EXAMPLE THAT WASNT ~DIRECTLY RELATED~ PLS DONT BURN ME AT THE STAKE #/caps

[cubcop-blog]

oh hey, congrats on finding this post,... mom.

anyways, i know that there's been a bit of.. confusion in the past days about my identity and things like that.. if you are snooping through this, you won't find much except random suggestions ( i dont look at them because its weird to me) and my likes, which is actually pretty useful stuff for you.

Ok, soo if you are wondering why i have this post up here, its because i feel like writing can express myself more than verbally speaking.. the only thing i would like to say is if you are going to say something or question ,heres a few good tips i got from (actual) posts of advice for lgbtq+ related things:

Don't yell or raise your voice at your child, and maintain a calm and (if possible) not too loud voice.

Sexual orientation isn't what you think it is- about sex, fantasy dreams of that sexuality or desires. It actually consists of liking, and can be possible with out these "pleasures". Please, do not assume that sexual orientation = always attracted to having sex/dreams of with that type of gender/person.

This is NOT A phase. if your child says they are sure of their gender, then just go with their lead, even if its against your beliefs.

Gender identification and Sexual orientation IS NOT affected by the environment! Even if there's certain quality aspects or likings, nothing can change your child's gender, love interest, or belief.. and you can't poke a hole in theirs.

gee, I'm still worried that you are going to ridicule me on this, but i understand if you don't feel super ok.. but i know one thing you are not going to do to my self being and identity- no matter how many times you say "no, this isn't right" or "you are not a label- you dont need to do this for attention" and "you are my only daughter, why the (heck) do you still think you are a boy??!".

all i have to tell you is..

mom, i know my self better than you, even if im not so sure...

i kept this away from you for 4 years, even if i said i was associating with this since 11yrs old. This was on my chest for 4 years! and this might be vile in text, but you cannot just push me away and just say its a phase. 4 years, and you never asked that "what do you feel like sometimes?" question. and just a few days i decided to come out to you.

it irks me a bit. not a lot. just enough to cry while typing this. im not mad, im just trying to "prove" my point and tell you what i am.

some days i hate myself.

some days i don't.

some days, i just try to layer up so i don't see my "girly chest" and other feminine features. i hate the dysphoria from that.

I'm scared, mom.

scared of being pushed away, deadnamed, and forced to use she/her pronouns.

what if i tell dad and he tries to kick me out?

what if we can't find a lgbtq+ counslor?

what if, just what if??

aspergers.

it DID NOT make me this way. i chose to do this.

i guess the correct way to explain is..

well,

uh..

my brain works in such a way that it only can understand some things-

example: my face. my brain keeps telling me that well, that my face is more like dads, so my face would be "masculine." same thing goes for my legs, neck and anythig else i got from dad, right?

but the thing is, i don't see much of your side in my structure, even if i have your eyes or eyebrows,chest,etc..

i just feel weird.

sometimes i have to look in the mirror and remind myself, day after day, painfuly thinking: "if genetics and resemblance is the most important part of recognition, why do i not line up or at least look more like my mom? so why does my brain think i look more like my dad just because of my face? is something wrong, or am i raising my expectations too high?"

I'm tired of this.

at school, everyone calls me by any pronoun, but mostly he/him, and im cool with that. sometimes i ask my teachers to refer to physical gender and pronuns so you wouldn't expect your kid to be trans.

"jay" was the only name i could possibly feel boyish with..but i knew that modeling after my dad was a mistake, because at first it confused you. i swore to myself that i wouldn't go by any other name except jay or my original name, and it pains me to actually type all of this, so please mom, don't push this aside, it means alot to me.

it pangs my heart, because i remember that last year, while you were scrolling helplessly through facebook, you had watched a video of a boy who was expressing himself through wearing a girl's scarf and wanting to be a fashion designer.. i remember you also saying that you would support your children just like him, no matter what..

what happened to that?

I know this sounds a tad off, but why would you say that you support that and then don't seem to support me when i came out to you?? and im not trying to argue, im just confused, really.

so, im just.. distraught.

distraught as in: to believe and led astray to a miscommunication or have a confusion of truth.

I will say this again, in a more clear way:

I am transgender FtM , meaning that i identify as male, not female.

and i haven't transitioned yet, so I'm not entirely "male" yet.

my sexual orientation is pansexual, meaning that i can love anyone, and can be in a relationship with anyone. my romantic attraction is currently homoromantic- and this one i cannot stress enough, this means that i am more attracted to GUYS, not girls since im transgender.

and yes, i know that i might of told you that i was more attracted to girls, but i was confused at the question you asked me..

but this DOES NOT mean that i fantasize about girls or boys in an inappropriate way, or want to do anything -intercourse- related, because i do not need to worry about that yet- not until I'm out of the house, anyways.

furthermore, my expression in clothing is still feminine, but i prefer dresses and skirts in the spring,summer-same goes for shorts and other breathable clothes. in the winter and fall, i layer up on jackets,sweaters and heavy coats.. i think you might already seen me wear the big fluffy jacket.. i like that one.

gives me a lot less stress because i cant see my chest (ironically, that rhymes)

as for name changes, as of right now i don't want to cause much stress with you trying to find my birth certificate or things like that, because i feel like even though my name is more adapt to a girl, i feel like it can work for a boy's name too!

(funny story, there was a boy named justice at Ed White Middle School while i was there in Texas! - i had a bit of a crush on him, but he was a tad bit annoying at the end.)

there's a whole bunch of things i also forgot to tell you, a bit of relationships over these years i was scared to tell you-

-I used to be in a polyamorous(multiple) relationship with Lindsey Jones, a 7th grader here at Rock Creek MS (just turned 13) she was super nice and supporting of me, and her boyfreind was actually Christian Young, a good freind of mine who now plays the baritone sax (hes an 8th grader now)! Sadly Lindsey moved away due to family fights and abusive sisters, but we cared for her through that.

-In my late 7th grade year, there was this (adorable) guy named Tim(late 6th grader, barely 12??), and he was homosexual but had a huge dorky crush on me- but i was only going to be his friend, because of age gap.

-6th grade year. Christian was new and so was i. we had a lot of things in common, and had alot of likes.

one day, somewhere in june (i think) he asked me out.

i kinda didn't know how to take this because we were actually the same age, and just in a best freind type of relationship.

so i nicely said no...

-ok, this was back in Hawaii(?), when i was on summer break.. this blonde boy named Collin was actually pretty nice to me and caring.. and im not making this up, because i remember his name vividly.. i think it was the first relationship I've been in.

so.. i hope this covered a lot.. none of the relationships I've been in have been sexual or abusive, and no, it wasn't foul either.

end of post. have a corgi attempting to jump a fence.