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shadowdianne · 7 years

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I don’t know how to say goodbye- SQ ficlet

Asked by @guardiansofwolves based on this amazing gifset made by @h0pe-bey0nd-the-stars

The hot air almost burned her throat as Emma looked down, her hands grabbing the metal strings that did their job as the lift’s walls, her palms covered in faint lines as she looked down at the woman who had her own face turned towards both her and the boy that, in a very similar fashion than the blonde, cried silently, his whispers echoing inside the cavern as both it and the figure of the woman that had been dubbed as the Queen started to disappear in the tinted red air.

Emma had felt the moment Regina had made the decision like a stab inside of her, breaking her chest in two as Regina had looked at the man that was the God of the Undead without flinching, promising him a deal, any deal, for him to let them go. Emma had known, had sensed it, the second Regina had rose her chin, hands at her sides and just a flicker of her magic swirling inside her pupils.

“You can’t” Had been the next thing she had said, sudden despair turning into fury, screams reaching for the brunette, trying to make her see that she would not, could not, leave her behind. Not caring a single second about the whys and reasons she would normally consider, she would normally think about. At both sides the rest of the group had stood silent, seemingly unable to see what Emma was doing so clearly it almost hurt to breathe. “Regina, you can’t.”

Regina had turned towards her with the same sadness and resolution she had once looked at her with only one last wish, one last beg, escaping her lips.” Let me die as Regina.” One sometimes kept Emma up all night, the realization that Regina had been ready to die in that second, for the people that had wanted to open her up, kill her and imprison her, burnt on her mind’s eye. She had wanted to grab the brunette’s shoulders and ask her for time, for time to talk her out of it, to wait for her to come up with another solution, any solution, completely terrorized of the fact that Regina did seem already settled on her decision.

“You are here because of me.” She mumbled and between the gasps of both her parents and Henry she kept talking, sternly, trying to channel her wrath instead of her pain. “You can’t pay the price.”

“I chose to be here.” The former Queen had replied, softly, far too softly. “To follow you here. It’s not on you.”

“It is.” She had said and she had felt looking at the swirling vortex of dark magic all over again, the same panic eating her insides, tearing her up. She had jumped in the middle of it, had saved the woman in front of her, the woman who acted as if her time alive was nothing but something about to end at any other given second, as if she was borrowing someone else’s time.

Gone were her worries about Hook, about her selfish desires to not be alone if she couldn’t have the woman that now stood in front of her, gone was everything else but Regina’s face as the brunette opened her mouth, probably ready to discuss whatever Emma was about to say.

“It must be another way; another deal he is interested in.”

“Not really.” Had whispered the God from his part of the room, dark glee glowing on his eyes. “But continue if you want, I would be delighted to have you both here.”

“You won’t hurt neither of them.” Regina had said and Emma had felt her resolution, her fear and her complete and utter decision of staying down there. “Me for them, I will stay here as long as you leave them alone.”

And for that Emma now screamed one more time as the elevator, the one Hades had conjured, kept moving forward, her knees hurting when she fell down to the floor, trying to keep herself as close to the ground as possible, as close to Regina as manageable as Henry, grasping her side, cried along her, vowing empty threats Emma knew she shouldn’t be letting him mutter but were far too close to the truth for her to have the energy to ask him to not say them.

“You can’t stay here.” She had said, arms outstretched, wondering how many times she had wanted to hug the former queen, how many times she had decided not to, far too a coward to do so, far too weak to address how the brunette made her feel.

It was already too late to keep pretending in front of her parents, in front of Hook who, angry and full of wrath, had decided to not be saved, to keep his grudge. She couldn’t say she was going to miss him, not really.

Regina had smiled warmly at her before stepping forward, hands at her cheeks, cold and strong, before placing a small kiss on top of her lips, far too quick for Emma to do anything but stumble forwards when Regina had moved back, hugging Henry next with so much force the blonde had wondered if she was going to even be able to disentangle herself from him.

“Take care.” She had said, touching his forehead with hers before looking towards the blonde with eyes too bright for Emma to do anything else but tremble. “Both of you.”

Next had been both Snow and David, neither of them really knowing what to say, neither of them doing anything more but to whisper some empty words about how this couldn’t be happening, neither of them promising any of the raw screams Emma had said to Hades, the god shrugging all the way through them. The blonde couldn’t blame them but she had still clenched both of her hands, feeling herself wanting to tear everything apart, made Regina follow her, follow both of them.

Hood had remained silent and Emma did not spare him a glance once Regina had looked towards him with perhaps sadness but no regret. “Please, follow us.” She had said, wanting to envelop the shorter woman between her arms, doing the things she had redeemed as impossible far too ago.

“I can’t tell you goodbye.” She had thought. “I just can’t.”

And even if she hadn’t say the words outload she was able to sense Regina nodding to them, the silent request of doing it, of accepting that it was precisely that what was going to happen burning, chocking her.

“I will be back.” She screamed now. “I will find you.”

Her words floated towards Regina who merely raised her head towards the elevator as she finally disappeared from sight.

“I will.” Repeated Emma, fingers bleeding as the first actual rays of Storybrooke started to illuminate the silent place, Henry’s sobs making him tremble against her side. “I will, no matter what.”

Because she couldn’t bear to accept she was going to have to say goodbye to Regina, to her. No in a thousand of lifetimes.

“I will.”

#swan queen #ficlet #guardian #prompt

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