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khiphop-stories · 6 years

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Umbrella - Chapter XXVI

Lesson Twenty-Six: Limits

[Christian Yu, DPR Live]

If you’re on your mac and see weird characters in the post, just switch to mobile. I already contacted tumblr, but they said it’s gonna take a while to fix it. Sorry!

This was your chance. Your chance to tell him everything. Your chance to make this sickening guilt disappear.

“Just tell him. Tell him you lied to him. Tell him you’re sorry. Tell him you love him,” a small voice inside of your head whispered. There was a part of you, that wanted to confess everything so badly and just get it over with. However, there was also this little voice at the back of your head, shouting at you not to say a thing.

“He won’t understand. He’s gonna hate you. He will break up with you.”

“I don’t wanna talk,” you shrugged your shoulders. “Actually, I’d prefer less talking more action.”

Slowly, a seductive smirk covered your lips and you fluttered your eyes at him. Leaning forward, you brushed your hair back over your shoulders, knowing your neck and collarbones were his weak spot. Christian eyes flickered from your bare shoulders up to your face, looking at you with hesitation. In the silence that had surrounded you could clearly hear his heartbeat quickening with arousal. His breaths grew heavier and deeper, but he didn’t move. He sat frozen with his gentle eyes resting on you.

You leaned in even closer and pressed a kiss against his lips. The moment your lips brushed against his own, he completely lost it. He instantly responded. As he deepened the kiss, he found himself unable to resist. No, he had missed you and your body too much. It has been too long since he last was able to be with you this intimately.

You had quickly shut his laptop close, before Christian took it into his hands, preventing in from falling down. In one fluid motion he flipped you over, his body hovering above you. Hastily he put his laptop somewhere on the night stand. Then he dedicated his full attention to you. Leaning down, he softly kissed the area at the base of your neck. Trembles shook your body and you gazed up at him affectionately.

Christian drew back and spent a moment studying your face. Your arms reached up and tangled around his thick, strong neck, pulling him down again.

You knew what you were doing right now, was not fair to him. You used sex to distract him and he fell right into your trap. But this was the only way to get his mind on something else and make him stop talking. Or perhaps you wanted to distract yourself. Perhaps you wanted to get your own mind on something else; to make your guilt disappear, even if it was only for a short period of time.

~*~

You walked to the kitchen on your tiptoes, trying your best not to make a noise. Christian had already fallen asleep and you didn’t want to wake up Dabin in the middle of the night. Opening the cupboard on the top, you took out a glass and filled it with water. You didn’t even bother to turn on the lights. The darkness had a strange soothing effect on you. You felt comfortable in the silence and darkness of the night. The moonlight and lights of the city shining through the windows were providing you with enough light to see your way.

With the glass in your hand, you walked closer to the window and let your eyes wander from one building to another.

“Can’t sleep either?” A gentle voice called you back to reality. You turned around and look up at the silhouette standing by the door of the kitchen.

“I don’t want to talk right now,” you told him honestly, shaking your head at him. You weren’t in the mood to talk with him. You didn’t have any energy to defend yourself and justify your actions. You just wanted this day to be over.

“He’ll find out sooner or later, Jenn,” Dabin said simply. Suddenly, you felt the anger boiling inside of your chest.

“It’s none of your fucking business. Just leave me alone,” you snapped at him as you gave him a glare. It was already hard enough without him telling you at any given moment that you were in the wrong. You didn’t need him to tell you, because you already knew. Ever since you had stepped inside of Mr. Choi’s car, there was this guilt hovering above your head like a dark cloud. It followed you every and even robbed you off your sleep. Yes, you knew everything he said was true. However, you weren’t ready to deal with the consequences of your actions yet. You weren’t ready to see Christian’s disappointment in his eyes, maybe even disgust. You weren’t ready to lose the one good thing in your life.

“You’re not mad at me, Jenn,” he released a soft smile as he walked closer to you. Dabin didn’t even take it personally. He could see you were struggling with yourself and he knew the anger you bore inside of your body wasn’t directed to him. No, it was directed towards yourself.

“I didn’t ask for this,” you let out a long sigh.

“What are you talking about?”

“I didn’t plan to be in a relationship so soon. I wanted to get own my life under control first, before I ever devoted myself to anyone,” you whispered, your eyes trailing down onto the floor.

“Do you regret it?”

  Did you? It was a question you had asked yourself multiple times. Whenever you got into an argument with Christian, you began to doubt your decisions. You began to lost faith in this relationship. You began to lose trust in him.

“Maybe,” you admitted to yourself. “Everything was so much easier when I just had to take care of myself. When I could do whatever I wanted and nobody cared. But now I have to explain and justify every single of my actions. I have to take his feelings into consideration…Sometimes I wish I had never met him.”

“…you don’t mean that.”   He looked at you taken aback.

“It would have been much easier for the both of us. He’s always going out of his way for me. He’s holding himself back so much for me. But I can’t do the same for him. I can’t put him first, because I didn’t come this far to give up everything for love.”

~*~ [Time leap]

"Christian..." You took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the storm that was about to come. It took you all the courage you had to destroy what would have otherwise been the perfect Sunday evening.

With the bottle of water in his hands, he turned his eyes to you and looked at you with his warm brown eyes. You shifted in your position awkwardly.

"Oh oh, am I in trouble?" He asked in a playful manner, a grin decorating his handsome face.

"I went to dinner with him," you confessed straight forward, not sugarcoating your words or easing him into the bad news.

Within a blink of an eye his facial expression changed. The smile on his lips died faster than a lightning passing through the sky. Christian halted all his motions, staring at you with an expression you couldn't sort in. His brows creased, his face was tense. Without even having taken a sip of the water bottle, he put the cap back on and placed it down onto the kitchen island. He pressed his lips together, breathing out through his nose.

His eyes rested on you, not blinking, The warm and gentle look in his eyes was nowhere to be found anymore. No, it had turned ice cold.

"Did he do something to you?" His firm voice pierced through the silence that had surrounded you.

"No, nothing happened," you shook your head, as you swallowed down hard.

You saw how his facial muscles eased up in relief, the tension that had spread through his body slowly fading away, yet his eyes still bore an icy animosity. The look in his eyes sent shivers down your spine.

“When?”

“Two days ago.”

It that moment realization hit him. It was the day you were supposed to have a dinner date together. The thought of being able to see you again was what kept him sane the whole week, but you cancelled last minute. You stood him up and the reason for it was because you were dining with the Vice President at a fancy restaurant.

“Did you get the job?” He asked drily. There was no trace of emotion in his voice. Not even anger.

“Yes, I’ll be signing the contract Monday morning and start working on the project,” you explained to him as your eyes followed every of his movements. The tension was suffocating you. It felt like a string was tightening around your ribs, making it hard for you to breath. You wished his true emotions would leak through his calm exterior. Anger, disappointment, hatred. Anything. You just couldn’t stand this indifferent behavior of his any longer.

“Which means you’re gonna meet him again,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Not over dinner. We’ll just be working together.”

“Whatever.” He opened the cap of his bottle again and took a sip while he turned his body away from you.

“Christian…” You desperately called out for him, taking a step closer.

“I just don’t get it,” he shook his head, slowly but visibly you saw the anger he had suppressed earlier spread across his face. You were relieved that he finally showed his feelings, but at the same time it scared you. “You refuse my help with your last ounce of strength, but you’re willing to accept his so easily.”

“He’s not helping me. It’s just business.”

“Business? Bullshit, he wants to get in your pants and you know that as well as I do! But you’re still seeing him because you want that fucking job. Why can’t you just accept my help? I know all the right people in the industry. I could get you a job in no time.”

“And in return I sleep with you?” You retorted— words that should have never been uttered slipping out of your mouth.

“That’s really what you think of me? You think I’m doing just to get a quick fuck?” Christian looked at you with such appall in his face, deeply offended by what you had just said.

“No that’s not what I meant…I know you’re not that kind of person, Rome, but that’s how I would feel like. The moment I accept your help, I would feel like I owe you and I won’t be able to look at you the same way anymore. All I could see would be the debts that I have to repay.”

“I don’t want anything from you! For fucks sake, you still don’t get it? I love you, Jenn! I just want you to be happy and I fucking hate seeing you suffering because of that fucking cunt! I can’t stand the fact that you’re practically selling yourself to get this damn fucking job!”

Your eyes widened at him in shock. Christian wasn’t someone who used a lot of swear words in his daily vocabulary. The only times you did hear him swear was when he was absorbed in a video game or when he was groaning in ecstasy.

“I’m not gonna sleep with him, Rome.” You said in desperate attempt to defend yourself, despite knowing that it didn’t actually make the situation any better.

“Then you’re playing him?” For the first time ever, you heard contempt in his voice.

“They all play the same game and the moment I use their own strategies against them, I’m the bad guy?”

“How far are you willing to go to succeed, Jenn?”

You remained silent, not being able to answer his question. You didn’t know the answer to it. You had sacrificed so much to stand where you are today. You had fought your entire life to be here today. Was there even a limit?

“…I-I don’t know,” you stuttered while your eyes darted around the kitchen.

“Because you just stepped over me in order to succeed. You did it once. How do I know you won’t do it again?”

“Christian…”

“For fucks sake, you lied to me, Jenn!” Christian slammed his hand onto the table, making you jump back in surprise. His chest was moving up and down in rage. You had never seen him like this before. Even when the two of you fought, he had never lost his calm before. He had never raised his voice at you.

“Yes, I lied to you and I feel horrible about it. But I’m telling you now…”

The truth was, you had never intended to have dinner with the Vice President. You tried to avoid him at all cost. But he had taken you by surprise when you had let all your guards down. You didn’t expect to run into him in the elevator, let alone being dragged to the restaurant that day. You panicked and didn’t know what to do. However, if you told Christian the whole truth, that you were practically forced to have dinner with the Vice President, he would probably walk straight into his office and beat the shit out of him.

“Nothing happened,” you assured him again.

“Yet,” he gritted through his teeth.

“We talked about business the whole evening. He didn’t make a move on me.”

“That’s what you want to believe, isn’t it?” He shook his head.

“What if he really just wants to work with me because I have the skills?”

“Jenn, we both know that’s not the reason he approached you.”

“Because I’m not good enough?” You quirked up one of your brows at him in disbelief.

“That’s not what I said, Jenn.”

“But you did say you’d always support me. I guess that only applies when I do the things you want me to do.”

“If you told me honestly that you were going to meet him, I wouldn’t be this mad. Sure, I wouldn’t have liked it, but I would have gotten over it. But you lied to me. You looked me in the eye and told me you wouldn’t meet him, but you stood me up and went to dinner with him behind my back anyway.”

“I’m sorry, Christian! I panicked, ok? I didn’t know what to do. Everything was going so well, I didn’t want to ruin it. I didn’t want you to hate me.” You began to raise your voice at him too, as your frustration grew with every second.

“I don’t hate you, Jenn,” he said in a calmer tone than before, but his body was still tense. He ruffled his hands through his hair in frustration and let out a long sigh. “I need some time to clam down. I’m too angry right now. I can’t think straight.”

“Sorry,” he shook his head and walked towards the door.

You wanted to call him back, to tell him how sorry you were and that you didn’t want to lose him, but your body didn’t listen to you. Instead you just stood rooted to the spot, as though you were paralyzed from head to toe and watched him disappear behind the wooden door.

When the door of your apartment closed, you felt something you hadn’t felt before. Something was hurting you. Something ached inside you. It didn’t hurt as a cut or a bruise would. It was this heavy feeling that pulled you down like an anchor. You didn’t remember crying because of pain for the last few years. Yet, you felt your cheeks getting wet with tears that night. You had never felt more empty in mind, body and soul. It was like a dark void.

Is this the end of their relationship or will they be able to work it through?

#christian yu #christian yu scenarios #khh scenarios #dpr live #dpr live scenarios #khh imagines #christian yu imagines #umbrella

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