#i had this really slay idea to write her intro in first person

[opulcnccs]

♙      ⸻      ·   。…      [      natalie dormer  +  35  +  cis female  +  she/her      ]      the  city  of  new  york  welcomes  agnes seymour  to  the  social  season  of  1887,  the  fiancée  of  alistair arundel.  known  to  be  sophisticated  and  shrewd,  their  rumored  self-important  and  temporal  tendencies  might  prove  to  be  their  unmaking.  the  street  musicians  often  string  along  a  tune  that  sounds  like  red wine supernova  by  chappell roan  whenever  they  are  near,  hoping  for  a  coin  or  two  as  a  reward.  unbeknown  to  their  peers,  agnes  views  the  social  season  as  something akin to circe's eternal exile  but  when  holding  a  secret  such  as  having been caught in a scandalous affair with another aristocratic lady, resulting in her hasty engagement to a lesser noble and banishment to america ,  it  would  be  best  to  keep  their  opinions  to  themselves.      ⸻      [      xan  +  24  +  est +  n/a     ]

basic  statistics  :

full  name  : agnes josephine seymour

nicknames  or  aliases  : she was once tenderly called 'aggie' by her father, who is now too old and too scorned to remember her

age  : thirty - five

date  of  birth  : 7 january 1852

position  : lady seymour, daughter of the duke of somerset

parents  : father : edward adolphus seymour, 12th duke of somerset (b. 1804) prev. m. susan margaret seymour, duchess of somerset (b. 1808 d. 1850) mother : jane georgiana seymour, duchess of somerset (b. 1824 d. 1859)

siblings  : lady margaret helen seymour (elder half-sister, b. 1831 d. 1850) angus ferdinand seymour, earl of st. maur (twin brother, b. 1852) margery beatrice paulet (née seymour), marchioness of winchester (younger sister, b. 1854) lord edward percy seymour (younger brother, b. 1856) eleanor guendolen kearley (née seymour), viscountess devonport (younger sister, b. 1859)

marital  status  : betrothed to alistair arundel

sexuality  : homosexual

the  secret  :

he was not the one to discover them, but the duke of somerset could picture the scene. his most favored daughter entangled in lavender sheets, exposed milky skin reddened not with shame but pleasure. he now saw that agnes had played him for a fool. she'd dodged suitors for years, all in the name of the love of a woman. what's worse, he'd been blinded by his favor for her and allowed it. her lover's family threatened to cry scandal; the lady's advantageous engagement now seemed precarious. somerset scrambled to find the nearest man in need of a wife, and offered agnes alongside a thousand pounds. and while alistair arundel was not a british peer, as a rather wealthy member of the gentry it was appropriate enough to not stir too much suspicion. the family's venture to new york city sweetened the deal all the more. had the cost of his intact reputation been worth it? he could not say.

thoughts  on  high  society  :

agnes had once reveled in society. the season delighted her with its parties and its drama— she'd happily participate in the former, but never the latter. she delighted in fashion, and wielded her feminine wiles to leave many cards opponents with empty pockets. but such a world was gone now. new york society came with a new hierarchy, one she hadn't been born into, one she hadn't had centuries of ancestors' shoulders to stand upon. she is determined, however, to rise from the ashes. even if that means gritting her teeth and dragging her lead-filled feet down the aisle.

introduction (tw: death //// tldr: gay nepo baby!):

"i am the descendant of edward seymour, first duke of somerset and brother to jane seymour, queen of england, lord protector for his nephew, king edward vi. are you familiar with him— no?" agnes's eyes rolled over them once, unsurprised at their ignorance. "all you need to know is that he reveled in power and influence; and just as quickly do the mighty rise do they fall." the apple does not fall far from the ancestral tree, she thought grimly. "i will not bore you with accounts of my upbringing, as it is nearly identical to my peers. nor do you need to know the logic behind grape scissors or the science of calling cards. the bright spots of my childhood were perhaps my father teaching me to play cards at an age at which i should not have been playing cards...emptying my brother's pocket of sweets at said game of cards...learning to ride horses...and perhaps any time i was with all of my siblings." "you see, the duke and his second wife, my mother, were quite...prolific. let's see: my twin brother and i are the oldest. agnus is the earl of st. maur, and my father's heir." for the first time in this conversation, her voice falters. "then there is margery, now the marchioness of winchester. then edward, who last year was married to the daughter of the 2nd baron methuen. and last, my most dearest, is eleanor, now the newly minted viscountess devonport. you'll notice that all of my siblings are in marriages so advantageous and respectable it is almost vulgar." she almost makes a remark upon her own upcoming nuptials, but as soon as her mouth opens it shuts once more. "shortly before my debut in society, i traveled to the continent with the dowager duchess of northumberland. i and the daughter of a welsh earl were to accompany her travels, and expand our knowledge of art history, architecture, fashion...essentially all of the things well-bred ladies ought to be an expert in. she became my best friend in that short year," agnes said, her breath choking on her memory. she would not allow her countenance to betray her... "a bond made over greek poets, french philosophers, italian wine and dealing with the duchess' snoring is quite an unbreakable one." ...and yet her eyes trembled with longing. "we, of course, kept in touch after. but her father adores the country while i was practically raised in london, so we only ever saw each other during the season." she omitted how in between she'd practically exhausted nearly all of sappho's known fragments in her letters, and sealed each missive with a lavender sprig. "in the years that transpired after my coming out, i was miraculously able to avoid immediate marriage," she continues nonchalantly, taking a sip of her whiskey. she nearly chokes on it at the sound of the scandalized gasp that escapes her counterpart. "indeed, i hold quite controversial opinions about many things, but especially marriage. i cannot elaborate now, for while this is america, i must retain some sense of propriety. admittedly, i also have the privilege of my status in addition to my beautiful — docile — younger sisters who are more than willing to go to the altar and what's more, there's no relentless mama spending her life trying to force me down the aisle. my papa also once believed that no man was a match for me." "but you are now engaged to alastair arundel, are you not?" "an astute observation." she glances across the room at her intended. agnes was sure that she was as perplexing to him as he was to her. while untitled, the arundel's vast wealth rivaled that of any aristocrat. it was rumored that royal norwegian blood flowed through their veins, but officially, they were but landed gentry. he was not unattractive — strictly objectively speaking — and he seemed well-mannered. why had he not yet married? she did not know. she did, however, know this: he would have his secrets, and so would she.

connections  :

old money adversaries / new money allies : any newcomer that threatens the delicate ecosystem of new york high society is bound to garner attention, both positive and negative. agnes herself is acquainted with longstanding families, their daughters having been unceremoniously thrown at her brother last season. she's unsure of how they'll react to her fall from grace, the details however obscured. but it's from the newcomers that she finds inspiration, her ambitions renewed.

infatuation : agnes still has not yet moved on from her first love, but she can't deny that someone has caught her eye. usually bold in her actions, her scandalous past has made her timid. very much so_hot_you're_hurting_my_feelings_ by_caroline_polachek.mp3

fellow londoners : hailing from an influential family, agnes knows positively everyone in london town. her opinions of them? likely less than sunny, but who knows?

can u guys tell my brain is fried from writing that mammoth intro lol tbh i'm better at one on one plotting than putting out wanted connections, so hmu <3

#i had this really slay idea to write her intro in first person #i fear i may have slayed too close to the sun #gildedintro #by xan. #(gifs by me lolz)

[rayne-storm]

AUgust 6 - Gaming

Title: MOON QUEEN

Fandom: Hyperdrive

As always, Hyperdrive belongs to my beautiful and talented BFF @rad-infiniitum / @starburnedfarrago

This was just super fun to write, and although the logistics as presented are just absolutely whack, I hope you enjoy!!

She smiled as she hit the buttons with routine familiarity, starting her stream. She smiled gently as she addressed her followers and her little intro video played.

There was her channel name: STELLA-PY , and the letters rearranged themselves to some bubbly synth music to: LETS-PLAY and faded out to reveal the title card for the game that she was tackling today.

"Good afternoon, guys! It's me, Stella-Py!"

"Py" in this case was pronounced "Pie," and the comments she had received about the similarity mixed with her heavier frame were old news long ago. She kept herself in a small frame at the corner of the video, just because she knew she tended to make silly faces playing spookier games, and if anyone really got a sense of her size from that, she applauded their eye for detail. Any hate got pretty quickly removed from the chat thanks to a friend who maintained it, and her lovely (if few) fans.

"Today, we're doing something new and short, while I recover from the awful, awful fetus monster. This is one you guys have been telling me to try!"

She pulled up the application on her computer, and a solid wall of blue illuminated her screen. From the wall, white letters in a vintage font appeared one by one to reveal:

"QUEST FOR THE MOON QUEEN"

Stella smiled and let the elegant chiptunes that came after the letter play for a moment before starting to speak again.

"That's right, folks! Quest For The Moon Queen was published seven years ago to itch.io by an anonymous, indie developer that only called themself 'BL00 SCR33N.' It's remained relatively obscure since then, which is a shame because it looks so cute! From what I've seen, this is an adventure game where the player is this adorable little knight, trying to rescue and woo the titular Moon Queen. I'm super excited to get into it, and please make sure to put asterisks before any spoilers to hide them!"

She paused to let the chat catch up, answering a couple of questions about her day, how the baby cow was doing, and when she would do a baby cow reveal (the poll for the baby cow name was still going, Moomin being the leader by far). The chat satisfied, she hit ENTER on her keyboard, and the screen slowly darkened.

First came a little tutorial.

There was a little blue knight in front of a white screen, and little floating text walked the player through the various movements they could do. It was relatively simple, arrow keys to move, space to jump, and a couple of keys or mouse clicks to shoot a little spark.

After the tutorial came an adorable side-scrolling adventure where the little blue knight jumped over hurdles and shot sparks at bees and little black boomerang-like shapes.

Three levels of slightly increasing difficulty later, there was a boss fight.

The boss was labeled "THE DICTATOR" and a chiptune-version of ABBA's "Voulez-Vous?" played. The knight grew a little taller, and was faced suddenly by a giant black tarantula with a hundred glowing red eyes.

The sparks were ineffective, and Stella began to panic when she noticed a small sword icon. Interacting with that froze the boss and brought up an option screen:

"CHOOSE YOUR WEAPON"

MY STRENGTH

MY SPIRIT

Well, wasn't that unique?? Stella immediately chose to fight with "SPIRIT" and the scene dissolved into a cute little cutscene.

The little knight stood before THE DICTATOR, trembling only slightly in the presence of the fierce enemy.

"I must go!" The knight proclaimed in chiming little chirps

"But why?? You have served me loyally all this time!"

"I must find my own path, and you must care for your fallen kingdom."

The scene dissolved again, and the spider rolled over, defeated.

Stella felt there was more to the story, but could only really comment on how sweet that was.

"This is such a cute little game! You guys are the best, and if anyone has any idea how to get in contact with the person who developed this, please let them know that I love it so much!!"

The next levels were water-themed (of course), leading up to a new boss fight:

THE EXILE.

This boss was a massive squid, with pink tendrils that acted as hair. The blue Knight's sparks again were ineffective, and again Stella was presented a choice:

THE EXILE HAS REPLACED YOU. CHOOSE YOUR REACTION:

COMPASSION

CRUELTY

Stella again went for the softer route, and again, the screen dissolved.

Surprisingly, the squid-like creature shrunk to being smaller even than the Blue Knight.

"I am afraid, Knight."

"Why are you afraid? You have everything you could ever want, now."

"Because I am so small, and this world is so big."

The knight knelt and gently hugged the little creature.

"Take heart, EXILE, for there are many large things, but there is only one of you. Develop your skills, grow your talents, and the world will bend for you."

The EXILE bobbed happily, nodding.

"Thank you Knight! Good luck on your journey!!"

The EXILE swam away, and the Knight progressed.

So it went, with such bosses as:

THE CORINTHIAN, an eagle dressed like a glam-rocker, who the Knight could either PLUCK or APPLAUD. Applause led to the Knight clapping and giving the creature a CD to sing along to.

a giant troll THE BEAST that offered a stealth option to SNEAK around or SLAY.

THE PRETENDER, a shadowy silhouette of a woman, and the Knight could choose KILL or KINDNESS. Kindness led to the Knight patting the shadow on the back, and with each little pat more of the sprite filled in until the shadow became a dark-skinned woman in a space suit.

Finally, about two hours of play later, the knight was jumping on clouds and was faced with the final boss:

THE DEMON.

This boss was a massive metal insectoid, and Stella waited for the choice to appear, but a minute of waiting led to her health being knocked down halfway, and a message popping up:

NOT EVERY BATTLE HAS A SOLUTION. DRAW YOUR SWORD AND FIGHT.

That felt… wrong.

The chat was exploding to fight back as the monster hit the Knight, but she just couldn't.

Tears in her eyes, she removed her hands from the keyboard.

The health bar was knocked down to zero.

NOT EVERY BATTLE CAN BE WON the screen proclaimed, as it began to fade.

Suddenly, a shower of pink and green lights fluttered down.

The chat began to go crazy. This, it seemed, had never been discovered before. Everyone always fought the monster, and gained a trite little victory screen, the little Blue Knight doing a little dance.

This was something completely new.

NOT EVERY BATTLE CAN BE WON.

BUT SOMETIMES LOSING YOURSELF ALLOWS ANOTHER TO LIVE.

The metal shell of the boss began to melt, and out floated a beautiful woman, pale-skinned with pink and green hair, and nearly translucent green wings that shimmered and glowed.

She floated down to the body of the little fallen Knight and kissed his head. The knight slowly stood.

"Thank you, Blue Knight, for your compassion. Thank you for setting me free. You do not have to hide yourself any longer."

The armor melted away from the knight, and an adorable little creature with blue skin, long ears, and yellow eyes remained.

The descriptions of the characters changed. The Blue Knight became THE REGRETFUL SOUL, and what once was THE DEMON became…

THE MOON QUEEN.

"Thank you, my lady," the REGRETFUL SOUL chirped, and they took each other's hands.

The MOON QUEEN scooped up the little creature, and began to fly up the screen with him. As they reached the top, they turned and faced the screen.

THANK YOU, PLAYER, FOR ABSOLVING OUR GUILT AND SETTING US FREE.

The screen faded to black, and Stella initially thought it had completely ended. She was about to exit out of the program (still sobbing), when a little message slowly flowed up from the bottom:

TO LUNA.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

-NEIL

Stella couldn't help crying harder, and blubbered out her closing spiel. The chat still kept going absolutely crazy, some claiming that this was a hacked copy of the game, or that they totally knew about the secret ending. Suddenly a new kind of message began exploding:

The game was gone.

It wasn't on itch.io, or any other site that the chat could find.

What in the world…?

Stella figured that she would deal with the implications of that later, saying goodbye and logging out of her stream.

She gave herself a few more minutes to cry before she heard the soft ping of a new email.

She sighed and opened it, ready to be assaulted by some kind of anger (per usual when she streamed), and was surprised to see the sender was going by "BL00 SCR33N."

She opened the message, and it simply read:

"You saved the knight and the Moon Queen. Congratulations. Want to meet up?"

After that was a phone number.

This was a terrible idea.

She called.

#au gust 2021 #rayne writes #my writing #fanfic #Hyperdrive

[wastescftime]

𝙄𝙉𝙏𝙍𝙊𝘿𝙐𝘾𝙄𝙉𝙂...𝘽𝙐𝙁𝙁𝙔 𝙎𝙐𝙈𝙈𝙀𝙍𝙎

        you’ve been here before. something about the feeling is so similar. death isn’t an experience you’ve ever been able to scrub from your brain, no matter how many other things have preoccupied your thoughts throughout the remainder of your still too short life. but it’s better to be dead at twenty-two than twenty, isn’t it? 

i have no idea how i’m going do the rest of these intros but we’ll deal with that later! this is full of 10000 spoilers and it’s long as fuck but sure, go ahead and skim.

you can find her app here

i usually play buffy at age eighteen because uhhh not gonna lie, i’ve only watched the later seasons once through and i’ll probably force myself to finally rewatch them in order to feel i’m writing buffy correctly but i will not enjoy myself!!

buffy is from california, born and raised. she started high school in los angeles, living the typical shallow, popular cheerleader life. at the age of fifteen, she was called as the new slayer which led to her slowly becoming at outcast at school because...learning that vampires not only exist but that your teen ass is the one who has to slay them all makes a person start acting kinda funky!

she ended up getting expelled after burning down her high school gym during a dance (LISTEN...she had to, that thing was full of vampires ok damn). this led to buffy and her mom moving and she transferred to sunnydale, which was helpfully located on a hellmouth. mb it was destiny that she had to move there (it was)

this is where she met xander and willow, and her new watcher giles (the old one sacrificed himself to save her oop) and thus the scoobies were born! also cordelia and angel were there xo

in order to not make this long as fuck, here’s a brief breakdown by season:

season one: buffy battles against her desire to just be a normal gal and not get dirt and nasty vampire ash all over her nice clothes. it’s also baby’s first death! she drowned a lil bit and xander gave her cpr so she lived to slay another day. she decided hey you know what i’m butt crazy in love with angel. she defeated the master (he was lame). no gyms were burnt down.

season two: buffy experiences a summer full of ptsd due to the whole dying thing (don’t worry babe, you’ll get used to it). there’s a new slayer in town, baybee. and she dies like two seconds later what the fu-- buffy turns seventeen and to celebrate, she politely gifts her virginity to angel and he says thank you so much i’m evil now. thus buffy has to start gearing up to kill the love of her life but we’ve all been there. mostly, though, she hopes that willow can restore his soul so she can go back to the being butt crazy in love thing. unforch, willow is too late and buffy has to stabby stab angel right through the chest AFTER he has his soul back ow ya hate to see it

season three: buffy spends the summer being highkey depressed as fuck about killing her boyfriend and starts living a fake life as a waitress in los angeles (IT’S CALLED COPING, MOM). but then she, ofc, gets sucked back into weird shit and realizes that she CAN’T outrun her slayer destiny. shortly after returning to sunnydale, angel returns from his stint in hell! and he ain’t feelin right! there’s a new slayer in town pt. 2. it’s faith and she’s wild as hell. angel slowly (not really, it was fast as fuck) returns back to his old self and he and buffy say let’s be friends but it’s a big ass lie bc they are in lurv. the mayor is crazy, he’s trying to ascend (don’t ask). faith goes full on evil and sides with the mayor. buffy is appreciated for her heroism at prom. the mayor tries to ascend at graduation and she is forced to burn down the library aka the scoobies’ base of operations i’m still bitter. oh yeah and faith is in a coma bc buffy needed her blood to cure angel but anyways enough of that

season four: buffy goes to college! this season is very boring. angel and buffy broke up “for her own good” (give me a BREAK) and she meets riley, a nice and extremely boring teacher’s assistant. OR SO WE THINK? he ends up being a member of this weird ass thing called the initiative idk who cares, i sure don’t. but he’s muscly and we like that.

i can’t tell the seasons apart anymore...buffy and riley date until they don’t anymore. suddenly buffy has a sister? in order to defeat a crazy ass bitch named glory. but buffy sacrifices herself to save her sister instead smh. buffy is brought back to life by willow and she’s lowkey pissed. she has a super fucked up mutually abusive relationship with spike. buffy gets shot and almost dies but doesn’t. so for the record, she’s only died twice by that point. ummm she does this thing to awaken all the other slayers on earth and form a slayer army so they can stop the world from ending???? they succeed and almost everyone lives on the show but i had to kill her so rip buffs

absolutely nobody read this for which i am thankful 

#this is long and YES i was obviously on drugs when i wrote it #(i wasn't it was simply 6am) #gplaces.intro #✼ ( 𝑏𝑢𝑓𝑓𝑦 / muse ) #ig!!

[putschki1969]

Wakana Winter Special Live Matataki Osaka Live Report

So, I thought I would use the opportunity to write a quick report on my Shinkansen ride back to Tokyo.

Venue: This was my first time attending a concert at a live house so this was a pretty new experience for me. Everything is so small and intimate. Thank God they had seats prepared. For a long time I was worried this would be an all-standing live (which I absolutely would have hated). Umeda Quattro was a pain in the ass to find though. It’s hidden quite well on the 10th floor of a pretty inconspicuous building. And if you have ever been to Umeda, you know it’s a pretty spacious station. The elevator is out of service in the morning so we had to take the stairs to line up for the goods. I am so happy that her Osaka lives were completely sold out, Wakana deserves all of her concerts to be sold out! I really hope the Tokyo venue won’t be too empty, it would make me really sad, especially since it’s her birthday. Btw, I really love how it pays off to be a fan club member these days! I remember back in the Kalafina days being a fan club member never made a difference when it came to your seats. But I have always gotten a good seat with my Botanical Land application. So as always I suggest you get yourself a membership if you are planning to attend any Wakana lives in the future.

Acoustics: The acoustics naturally weren’t the best but I thought they were decent enough. During the Day performance I had a seat in the very first row right in front of Wakana. The sound was well balanced in that area. During the Evening performance I was in the third row all the way on the right side so the sound wasn’t too great there (it wasn’t balanced at all and since the speaker was right next to me, everything was a little too loud for my taste but it was bearable). I thought Wakana’s microphone had just the right volume to suit the instruments. She wasn’t overshadowed by the drums or anything.

Stage production and musicians: There wasn’t any special production, just the musicians behind Wakana. As far as I am concerned they all did a good job, especially the girl on percussion, she was really into it. I didn’t think they could make all her songs work with just piano, percussion and guitar but they managed to make everything sound great. Enjoyed all the arrangements!! Wakana was wearing a gorgeous flowy red dress that was giving off major Christmas vibes. She just wore her own pair of boots, the one we have seen her wear all the time recently. For the encore she put on her Aki no Sakura outfit. Couldn’t help but look at her pretty ankles, I have never seen them this up-close *feels like a perv saying this* There were obviously no cameras so there is zero chance of this being released in case anyone was wondering. I always get so many questions regarding releases :P

Vocals: Personally I thought Wakana was flawless during the very slow ballads but I didn’t enjoy her singing all that much during the high-tempo Kalafina songs (I never really did). Then there are songs like Kinmokusei and Yakusoku no Yoake where I know she is purposefully using a higher pitch but at times she is treading a fine line between sounding lovely and screechy. But overall, she delivered a strong performance despite doing so many songs in one day. I was expecting her voice to get a little weak during the Evening performance but for the most part, she did well. You can tell she has really worked on her stamina.

MCs: Wakana was much more nervous during the day performance. She kept screwing up and saying the wrong thing in the wrong order XD It was utterly adorable. She was constantly holding her water bottle/towel. It happened at night as well but she was much more confident there. During the first MC of the Day performance Wakana noticed me in the first row and pointed out that someone was wearing one of her outfits. Imagine my happiness!! I was over the moon! To have her say this in front of all these people. Waaaaaahhh!!! Senpai noticed me XD At the end of the Evening performance during the final greeting Wakana started crying because she was overwhelmed with feelings. They were happy tears because she was reflecting on all the things that had happened that year. It was a good and productive year for her after all, she can be proud. She tried squeezing her nose to stop crying but it didn’t work. Precious baby *sobs*

Day vs. Evening: In total three songs were different at the Evening performance. She sang Hard Rain instead of Boku no Kokoro no Tokei, snow falling instead of Yasashii Uta and she added a double encore to sing Ato Hitotsu. I am expecting the Tokyo lives to follow a similar - if not the same - pattern. Overall the evening audience was a bit more engaged. Louder clapping, proper singing along and a standing ovation at the end.

Thoughts on various songs: Not gonna go into detail regarding every single song. Eve was most definitely one of the highlights! I originally said that lyrics would seem overbearing with this sort of song but the way they arranged it made it work. Such a gorgeous song!! And Wakana’s vocals are simply outstanding. I remember her saying in an Instagram post that she was struggling while rehearsing this song since the notes were so high. At the time I read that post I was a little confused because she doesn’t actually sing that high in the short studio version. Now it makes sense because this full version with Japanese lyrics has super high parts and oh my God, Wakana sounds amazing. She is using a fuller voice which suits the song much better. Cannot wait to hear this two more times!! *so excited* I really hope this song is re-released soon!! I need to have this on CD!!! Orange was really good but nothing to write home about. I always enjoy Boku no Kokoro no Tokei and this time was no exception, I was a little bummed to have it replaced with Hard Rain during the night performance but hey, at least this way we got more songs. And she did a good job with that too. I actually liked this performance more than the one from the Voice tour. Her singing was nicer and she improvised a bit towards the end. I already mentioned Kinmokusei earlier, I absolutely love this song and generally enjoyed the performance but occasionally Wakana is getting to a range that doesn’t sound pleasant to my ears anymore. I know she is going for a pentatonic sound and maybe I am just not used to that but some notes were just too high for my liking. But it didn’t take away from the performance, it’s one of my favourite songs from her album so I am super happy she decided to sing it. As expected, I liked Yuuyake much more once I saw it performed live but it’s still not among my favourites.

Ahhhh!! The Christmas section! I was hoping she would sing a few Christmas pieces and YAY, she actually did!!! A staff member brought out a small chair and a lyrics stand for Wakana (since all the songs were in English she struggled quite a bit so I am guessing she had some notes to help her with the pronunciation). That Silent Night performance was utterly gorgeous! It started with the pianist using a fancy organ setting. Wakana started slowly by using a very warm and ethereal singing style - almost operatic I would say. I literally broke into tears, it was so unbelievably beautiful!! Wakana needs to release a Christmas cover album RIGHT NOW!!! After the first epic verse the other band members joined in and the song became a bit lighter and joyful, towards the end it was almost a pop-like arrangement, not sure how to explain it. Quite fascinating as a whole, I genuinely enjoyed the different styles used in the song. I didn’t know the second Christmas song at all and Wakana’s Engrish made it very hard to decipher the lyrics. But thankfully I understood the word “eskimos” so I just looked for a Christmas song that had “eskimos” in the lyrics XD Turns out there is only one, The Christmas Song. Not sure why Wakana decided to sing this. Maybe it’s very popular in Japan? No idea! Anyways, it was okay. She sounded lovely. Don’t really care for the song though, there are MUCH better Christmas songs out there that would have suited her better but I am sure she had her reasons. All I Want for Christmas is You on the other hand was PERFECT for Wakana. Such a pleasant surprise. You could tell that she had sung that song many times before, she felt much more comfortable with the English lyrics. And she slayed!! It’s no easy feat to cover a Mariah Carey song but she did it quite brilliantly. This is not a song I usually enjoy but Wakana made me like it!!

Now we get to Kalafina’s section which was surprisingly my least favourite. I will be honest, I didn’t like her Kalafina song choice here at all. The fact that she decided to stick with the original fast arrangements didn’t help either. I wonder why she didn’t go with a slow acoustic arrangement...that would have helped her a lot....Wakana has always had a hard time with these songs, you could tell she was straining her voice even back then during Kalafina days when she had Keiko and Hikaru singing alongside her. All by herself the songs got so much harder. Wakana admitted that these songs were super hard for her but she wanted to perform them for the fans. Seeing everyone’s happy face was worth the struggle according to her. As always the cheers were super loud for the Kalafina songs. Eden was okay, I know the song means a lot to Wakana and she really did her best but meh, she was out of breath a lot. Into the world was definitely my favourite in this section. I actually thought she was gonna sing Natsu no Ringo because the intro sounded just like it but no, it was just a fancy intro that transitioned nicely to the more familiar sound of into the world. She sounded solid during all parts and it’s just such a perfect fit for the journey she is now taking. It was quite moving to have her sing it. Her final “into the world” was amazing!!! Didn’t like ring your bell at all!! Probably my least favourite performance of the live. I never liked her singing style in this song and except for the final “ring your bell and raise your song” I found her singing quite screechy (mostly during the chorus). And for some reason she didn’t sing the bridge which is hands down my favourite part of the song (where she typically uses a more fitting and lovely singing style). Such a shame. (;_;)

Wakana is so much better with her own mid/high-tempo songs. Tsubasa and Kimi Dake no Stage were lots of fun!! Everyone was clapping along! Nothing out of the usual, pretty similar to her Voice performances I would say. But the best was without a doubt Koi wa Itsumo!!! Still cannot believe how much I love this song, it’s so freaking good!! Just wish she would have sung the “baby, baby” parts but since some parts are overlapping with her other lines she obviously couldn’t do it XD At the end she was asking us to sing along to the “haha koi wa haha itsumo haha sekai wo kaeru no” part and eventually we were singing all by ourselves. It was really nice. I am happy the audience participated. Usually it’s hard to get Japanese audiences to engage in something unexpected like that. During the Evening performance everyone had already figured it out so they were much more involved. She ended the main part of her live with Yakusoku no Yoake. Once again we got the gorgeous organ setting and Wakana sang a slightly slowed down version of the intro. It was so much better than the studio version or the performances from the Voice tour. Reminded me a lot of the first verse of Silent Night. The rest of the song was good but a little too high pitched at times.

As for the encore, OMG, Wakana’s solo versions of both Yasashii Uta [Day] as well as snow falling [Night] were PERFECT!! Utterly flawless!!! I am so grateful she sang these two songs, I was really hoping and praying for snow falling!!! Don’t even know what else to say about it. I personally didn’t mind the absence of Keiko and Hikaru, Wakana managed well on her own. Aki no Sakura was slowed down a tiny bit for the live I think...liked it much more like this. Generally it was a very good performance that made me appreciate the song a lot more. Ahhhh, so happy we got Ato Hitotsu as double encore during the Evening performance. It wasn’t as moving as her Voice performance but still super lovely.

Okay, that’s it for me. I had a blast. Not regretting going for all four Wakana lives. Cannot wait for tomorrow.

#kalafina #wakana #report #wakana winter live matataki #long text post

[timetowritesomefluff]

hi!! Im here looking for the ships?? (I love your writing btw). Im a 16 year old female, six foot (god help me), I have red hair and blue/grey eyes.I play clarinet and also do theatre. My all-time favorite movie is the original Halloween. Im very energetic and hyper and I love really hard and really fast. I’m also very tactile and love to touch my s/o or close friends in some way at almost all times.I’m bi, so I dont really care what gender I get, but I’d prefer it from the Teen Wolf universe!!!

Omg you are so sweet, and I totally splurged for this ask. I can be sweettalked into anything flattery will get you everywhere

But babe I couldn’t decide on a ship....So I settled for three. Hope you’re not disappointed 😉, enjoy 💙

Scott

Scott would meet you when he stumbled into the band room looking for either a class or some recently escaped beastie, and lock eyes with you....

Only to dash out of the room again, more than a little confused about why his heart sputtered upon seeing that girl with the beautiful red hair that glinted in the sun.

Allison introduces you two—you and her were friends in theatre, and Allison was intrigued by your skills of observation. You’d noticed a supernatural thing here and there, and had even covered for the Pack just because you were, well, you. So Allison decided to pull you in to the pack, and you were more than willing to join the supernatural world.

The meeting went a little something like this:

Allison politely made the intros,

“Scott, this is my friend Y/N. Scott? Your mouth is just—it’s just hanging open. Say something.”

Scott blinked, and said,

“....Hi, I’m Y/N, nice to meet you, Scott.”

Stiles face palmed, muttering,

“Close enough.”

You shook Scott’s hand, electricity firing between your fingers, and smiled.

Scott STILL didn’t understand why it felt like his stomach was doing the conga, and he couldn’t stop smiling back at you.

A few weeks later, it wasn’t until Stiles pointed out the fact that Scott was still blushing an hour after you’d complimented his handwriting or something, idk his taste in pen choices (this boi would be shook no matter what you said), that Scott clued in.

From there, he was an adorable mess.

He wouldn’t for one second be put off by your height, thinking it just one of the million things that makes you a literally goddess in his eyes. Your hair, your eyes, your smile, the way you’d drink a can of freakin’ soda would be beautiful to him. It was the way you treat people, with sweetness and energy and passion that made him fall for you.

For real though, he’d be doodling his last name tagged on to the end of yours (or vice versa) after the first date.

Scott would one hundred percent be the Supportive Boyfriend, happily carrying your textbook between classes, opening doors and giving you his jacket.

But he’d also be the fun boyfriend.

You want to see Halloween for, well, Halloween? This boy has got a private drive-in movie theatre set up. You want to see the newest play they’ve got down at the community center? Well you’re gonna go sneak in and watch from the rafters, because it’s more fun that way and way more romantic.

This boy is so touch-starved that he takes every chance to make out with you, every chance to make your heart beat quicker (and believe me, he’s listening). But he’s also Scott-captain-of-toothache-sweet-McCall, and he’s the master of hand holding, swinging his arm over your shoulders, brushing your hair back and playing with the little baby hairs at the nape of your neck. This boy will have every freckle, every scar, every eyelash memorized because he just wants to know everything about you and make you feel as loved and appreciated as you deserve ♥️

Malia

Malia would literally die when she saw you. “She’s tall? And gorgeous? And can act? And she’s literally perfect?!”

When Stiles introduced you as the secret weapon of the group, aka the badass one that always had the best ideas, the logical decisions, the kickass attitude of positivity no matter the odds, Malia was strangely quiet, letting her hair fall in her face to hide the clumsy, blushy mess just a glance from your sea-glass eyes could make her.

Being a touchy person, you might have swung your arm around her strolling down the hall between classes, or in the parking lot after school.

Malia, being Malia, would automatically lean in to it (being a tactile person herself). Then she’d see who it was, turning her head and coming nose-to-nose with you.🙀

The look on her face was enough to send you into a fit of giggles, and just the sound of that was plenty enough to make her grin ear to ear.

“Can you do that again?” She’d ask softly as you began to stop. You’d look up, surprised.

Malia shrugged, blushy mess appearing.

“I like it when you laugh.”

Thus cue the cUTESt relationship in which Malia does any and everything to make you laugh, make you smile, make you happy. That means finding the absolute dumbest puns and delivering them with a straight face in the middle of a Bio test; that means knotting her fingers through yours every chance she gets because she just cannot get over how amazing it feels to have your skin sliding against hers. That means protecting you at every turn, and letting you protect her because Malia doesn’t believe for one second that you’re not just as capable of fighting however you choose, human or no. Malia would lay her head on your shoulder one day, smiling at the sight of your hand on hers, and kiss the back of it.

“I love you, Y/N,” she’d whisper, so soft and careful. You’d kiss her on the side of her head, smiling into her hair as you breathed in her woodsy scent.

“I love you too, Malia.”

Derek

Derek is hella angsty, or at least goes for the aesthetic of it.😈

But like any vaguely-aged young man, he’s not impervious to cinematic perfection. He’d end up squished in line next to you for a special promotion of Halloween. You, being adorable and outgoing, would strike up conversation. Him, being a broody leather-clad hottie, would say something snippy in return.

Buuut he noticed the way your eyes lit up when you talked about loving the movie, how you were so energetic talking with your hands and he was gripped by the strange urge to hold one.

Derek left quickly after that, and only ran into you as you, and your friends Scott and Stiles, started to meddle in the affairs of the supernatural world.

He. Was. NOT. Going. To. Fall. For. You.

He told himself like eighteen times a day, and failed each time.

Lydia didn’t fail to notice it, making little jokes here and there.

“And where is your leather-wearing bodyguard, Y/N? Out slaying dragons?”

“First of all, you’re weird. Second of all, what are the chances of dragons actually being real???”

Things only began to heat up when YOU took initiative.

Tired of all the mutual pining, the longing stares, the wagging eyebrows from stiles, and the undercurrent of admittedly sexy tension, you cornered Derek.

Buuut you hardly got two words out before his mouth was on yours, his hands in your hair.

When you two finally broke apart for air, you were stunned at the look on Derek’s face.

He was grinning, actually BEAMING. He rested his forehead against yours with a special tenderness, and whispered,

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”

#teen wolf #askanswered #youpreciousdearyoudeserveallgoodthinga #teen wolf imagine #malia imagine #derek imagine #scott imagine

[wombathos]

1.5 never kill a boy on the first date

- “plunge and move on. plunge and - oh hello” one thing the first two seasons have going for them is all those times when giles and buffy hang around graveyards. it’s wholesome. also does buffy ever actually get to the point where she’s just plunging and moving on or

- oh I miss that early buffy thing where they make a big deal of individual vampires or groups of vampires (or assassins or whatever) with like fancy names and stuff who are meant to be particularly strong and then they get killed by buffy pretty fast and that’s that* - like it makes sense because s1 is so big on the vampire pomp and the rituals and the fancy orders and then that gets increasingly rejected (later seasons is more investigating types of demons or spells and less actual personalities, excepting big bads) (but then s5 had knights of byzantium, the human equivalent, so it’s not like this kinda thing completely goes away). anyway it makes sense you can only do that trope of *announcing the special vampires* so often, and it’s sort of pleasing how fast buffy moves beyond the big old names of the business to the new hip thing, robots and gods and washed-up nerds and the like

- “he’s more oweny” “sure he has a certain owenosity” this is well-covered ground but buffy does language good

- in the midst of all the high stakes (and regular stakes), it’s always nice just how earnestly btvs plays a lot of the high school-y emotional beats. there’s enough irony and comedy and cheesiness coexisting - and skill in how btvs manages to mix its tones - that those beats manage to be funny and moving at once

- cordelia’s role in s1 is so funny. she just drops in, does a one liner or two and consistently gets some of the best lines in the process, but is completely separate from the actual plot of the episode until the end of the season - except for occasionally being in danger herself so buffy can rescue her. which means that she’s starring in a show where she has no relevance to the actual plot, for an entire season! and yet she never feels out of place because of that whole thing she has going for her of being buffy’s shadow self and being tied to the mundane stuff that buffy is constantly forced to miss out on - or representing the selfishness buffy has to reject. like in this episode where she gets to dance with owen because buffy didn’t show up, or she’s complaining about the attention buffy gets from guys that buffy can’t really be with either. and because cordelia’s this avatar of the mean girl and so disconnected from buffy’s other life, the slaying, she ends up being central to the entire high school feel that needs to coexist along the slayer stuff for the season to work. so it does work, but in practice it’s still an odd role. I don’t know whether this is entirely my imagination (it might be), but I feel like I read somewhere about spike filling cordelia’s role post-s3 of the voice of doubt or something, and she does kinda remind me of his s4 role where he's just... around. it’s good stuff

- I like this owen and buffy moment where angel is in the middle of the shot between them - he’s out-of-focus in the background throughout the moment. it’s a nice bit of cinematography, especially how buffy briefly leaves the shot as the camera stays in place and then comes back into the shot to kiss owen and then runs off. if you wanted to read more into it, you might say that angel represents buffy’s “work” life (as he calls it in this episode) and thus is what separates buffy and owen (her ordinary, high school desires), which she can only briefly overcome... but that may be a reach

- this episode is the only (non-opener/finale) episode in s1 I can think of without like a really obvious metaphor, mainly because it’s all vamp-focused and setting up plot stuff. beyond the obvious of the vampire stuff keeping her from her social life which is less a metaphor and more a literal interpretation of what’s happening in her life. except, I guess:

- giles: “my father gave me a very tiresome speech about responsibility and sacrifice” buffy: “sacrifice, huh?” given that it’s setting up the finale plot stuff, it makes sense it’s also setting up the thematic finale stuff. suppose there’s a bit of a build up going on with the little sacrifice (no dating) coming before the big one (her life). not to equate slaying with growing up too much, but I suppose that is a heightened version of the teenage experience of having to accept more responsibilities

- always been curious about the problematising of owen enjoying their funeral house outing. from a character writing standpoint, it feels a bit contrived? I can see buffy realising it wouldn’t work just from the whole slayer/ordinary teenager angle, but less because of his actual personality. it’s also the first time (I think) they bring up the idea of enjoying danger too much, which comes up again with faith - and then perhaps most analogously with riley, by which point the idea of her duties being “fun” is even harder for buffy to stomach

*tbf order of aurelius does hang around for ages, I think? they still work with spike in s2 and all. speaking of, spike gets the dramatic special intro thing and he’s not exactly a one episode kinda vamp

#got the screenshot from ~the internet~ since i can't describe it particularly well #anyway it's a nicely composed shot #btvs #leela watches btvs

[joeyvintage]

https://www.videoreligion.net/2019/01/violent-shit-2-mother-hold-my-hand-1992.html?m=1

-rev terry

I think if I were a badass, I would need a metal mask or full covering helmet of some kind. Not for the armor aspect, although head protection is always good, I'm just a fan of the look. I would wear one in my daily life now, but they are probably expensive, and people would expect me to do something cool (as I too would expect of a dude with a metal head).  All my favorite villains had one in my youth. Both Magneto and Dr. Doom from the comics commanded respect and fucked shit up while wearing some metal on their heads. They were probably my earliest examples, but honestly, that's enough to have secured my love for the style. Their helmets were both semi utilitarian but mostly just looked really awesome with their cape combo. In cartoons, GI Joe took the effects of mirrored sunglasses to the next level with Cobra Commander, as he sometimes just had a smooth piece of chrome covering his face. I can get down with that--the blank and shiny look. It’s stylish features even distracted from his shrill sounding voice. I would probably go with something a little more personalized myself, but would definitely want something metal. It just completes the whole look for me. Something about a good sturdy helmet just fits with murder and mayhem. Karl the Butcher gets it. That's why, when he died, along with his love for over-the-top murder, he passed his fancy medieval headwear down to his son, so he would be properly dressed for his own adventure in Violent Shit II (1992).

Long after the events of the first film, two makeshift drug distributing gangs meet up in an open field to engage in something nefarious with a briefcase. For whatever reason, the deal sours, and the two groups go at eliminating each other in various gusher inducing ways. The battle whittles the congregation of assorted backyard wrestles down to a one on one duel between the leaders who both happen to practice kung fu and enjoy white button-up t-shirts. After some fancy moves, one of them slays the other in combat and begins to leave the scene (sans all his dead homies, I guess) but is stopped in his tracks by the sight of a large masked man yelling at him on the horizon. Turns out Karl Butcher Jr, son of the legendary mass murderer, was out for a stroll, spotted the dealers killing each other, and, not to be left out, had rushed to join. Very quickly, Karl (Andreas Schnaas) is on top of the would-be lone brawl survivor and promptly fucks him up with a machete just before the screen goes black. Following its intro and sparse opening credits, the film takes the form of a true crime documentary in development by reporter Paul Glas. Paul believes a string of recent murders can be linked back to The Butcher massacre from twenty years before (and also, the whole thing has something to do with real-life serial killer Fritz Honka...I think?). After divulging the history of Karl senior for a bit over panning random footage of Germany, the reporter follows a tip leading to an interview with some dude in a bar who confirms his suspicions. The Deepthroat-esque “DR. X” then tells him a few stories about the original culprit’s son who, mad about a face rash or something (honestly between the bad subs and silly plot I'm still dim on some details, but it doesn't really matter), had also already done some minor rampaging of his own in the last few years . Switching formats once again, we catch up with Karl II and his (adoptive?) mother (Anke Prothmann in a lot of make-up). Turns out, Momma Butcher has been priming her young progeny to follow in her late husband's footsteps, and now that he has grown to be the spitting image of his father (complete with the heirloom medieval helmet), he is ready to do some eccentric butchery of his own. In fact, this time will be extra special, because mom is coming along too. As one could probably guess, Karl's old lady has some very peculiar parenting ideas, specifically cannibalism and incest. Also at some point, a naturally occurring body hole gets closed up with a stapler, and I think someone eats poop, so watch out for that.

The title is about as far from the old-fashioned B-movie bait and switch as you can get. Like the first film, Violent Shit is wall to wall grotesque violence, only now (in true sequel fashion), it's been turned up a few ridiculous levels. There is an increased story to it compared to the first film, that is to say, there is more than nothing tieing the insane moments of torture and dismemberment together. For the first few acts, a disjointed, random, and confusing series of events form some semblance of a point, but the film forgets about the majority of this as it moves on into plasma soaked sadism. Mostly, the additional fluff just makes room for things the series was truly missing-- like a training montage, cliche fauxumentary tropes, and Kung Fu.  Karl Jr's maternal relationship adds fucked up frosting to an already disturbing cake of sinister shit. The weird sexual thing that's going on there, combined with mom's encouraging cheers, was enough to make me glad the subtitles are wonky and that I don't speak German. At around the same runtime, it might be a little lighter on the fake entrails than the first to make room for the added story, but it wouldn't be considered lacking in most circles. The Butcher-minor is more creative than his father but also seemingly obsessed with genitals (of all genders), which is weird and takes a lot of screen time. There are a few classic machete whacks to the face for some victims. However, as the body count grows, most of the slaughter comes with long, drawn out, silly torture and bloodletting. A bare-bones opposite to the Saw-style mouse trap, instead of providing intricate setups for the deaths, the act of execution itself is long, complicated, and involves several steps. It's all sure to offend anyone who watches but is too extreme to take seriously. Even if you are of the squeamish type, by the fifteenth minute of growling testicle torture and six similar acts, the action loses any real shock and becomes either just gross or hilarious (and gross). It goes for broke, eventually just dissolving into increasing levels of carnage, capturing the essence of a drunken night between friends trying to top each other's morbid imagination. Along with its spastic rampage, the film makes several references to classic American horror films and even borrows a few plot points from the Friday the 13th series unambiguously. To its credit, it's moved forward quite a bit from the first writing-wise, although it’s not like it is casting a bigger net for an audience. It's still just random gore because that's fun sometimes, and hopefully, no one who pops in a film titled Violent Shit 2 will be worried about the level of drama involved.

Shot on tape and seemingly dumping the entirety of its finite resources into gore, Violent Shit 2 is, again, what it says on the tin. The whole thing looks like it was shot in different sections of the same public park, which it refers to as a “forest” at one point. The John Woo tribute, in the beginning, is the film’s most developed moment as far as framing and choreography go, displaying some above average movie brawling for its budget. For the film’s meat and potatoes (Karl the second, killing people), it's a lot more of the same backyard style camera work that kind of hangs around watching the action from any accessible angle. Shots seem almost placed at random, and it jumps between them with meaningless cuts. The film’s biggest draw is an overabundance of practical gore, which comes out as a step above the rest of the film quality- wise. For the lack of resources, the film utilizes some pretty gnarly effects when it comes to flesh mangling, and it doesn't skimp or pull away.  I think I counted four different consistencies of blood, and each horrible scenario is trying to top the last. Without spoiling anything, there is a range of squirtastic stabbings and stringy limb removals that, despite their amateur surrounding conditions, would give a lot of larger budget splatter flicks a run for their money.  Some of the more ambitious (for lack of a better word) moments spend a little too much time on screen and give themselves away, but all together it should more than slate any grimy blood-seekers thirst or send anyone else running. When it isn't mumbling at random volumes, the dubbing is just screaming, grunting and giggle-worthy squishing sounds with no attachment to what's on screen. Music-wise, the film is laced with an out of place, unbalanced soundtrack that sounds straight out of an RPG fantasy video game. Besides the Dungeons & Dragons mood tunes, it does have a German death metal/butt rock theme song (Violent Shit by Vice Versa) bookending it that captures the spirit nicely and almost feels critically necessary. Stick around afterward for some bonus scenes and marquee of credits that look like they are trying to sell you knock off sunglasses.

German director Andreas Schnaas has made an international name for himself with a torrent of ultra-low budget, ultra-violent gross-out splatter flicks that continues today. In 1989, he and some homies secured a tiny bit of funding to form the company Reel Gore Productions and produce their first full-length picture titled Violent Shit. Filmed over four weekends and with a rented tape recorder, the project amounted to a series of violent acts committed by a large masked man named Karl the Butcher, crafted with homemade practical effects (and little else). By the grace of the trash-gods, it saw a single midnight theater showing but received mostly negative reviews on its initial video release due to its lack of production values. However, with a little help from a to-the-point naming strategy and its unrefined grimy gusto, it found an audience worldwide over the following years in less discerning gore hounds who don't mind the homemade feel (a bunch of fucking weirdos probably). Succeeding their second feature Zombie '90: Extreme Pestilence in 1991, Andreas & Co would return to the world of Violent Shit and brewing cult following. To date, the character Karl the Butcher has appeared in six flicks, that I know of, including a reboot of sorts (Violent Shit: The Movie 2015) by Italian director Luigi Pastore, without Andreas Schnaas involvement. Schnaas himself would play the role in most outings, taking over for Karl Inger (allegedly) after the first film.

Violent Shit II: Mother Hold My Hand (aka Violent Shit 2) is a composition sketchbook of demented cartoon executions forged during an in-school suspension and realized in full-color low fidelity magnetic tape. For the right crowd, it's an awesomely inelegant, generously proportioned helping of sloppy sleaze, possibly best devoured while intoxicated. It advances from the first movie to some degree in almost every way, but it's still one for the same exclusive and fucked-up crowd. If you want tasteless acts of dismemberment, childish boundary-pushing, and obscene special effects, it's got you covered. Those seeking damn near anything outside of that, better look for their kicks elsewhere. In a way, it has the same MO as a Gallagher show, in that there are small bits of gibberish in between gags, but ultimately everyone watching is just waiting for red shit to spray, and a majority of possible viewers are not going to get the joke. I enjoy the fuck out of the unseemly mess, although I don't know what that says about me. I also really dig Karl the Butcher’s fashion sense. If only I too had been lucky enough to have inherited some cool metal headgear along with the destructive predispositions.

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph Just Proved They Should Be the 2019 Oscar Hosts

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph: Oscar hosts 2019?

The duo lightened the mood at the Academy Awards when they took the stage to present and immediately brought on the laughs at the star-studded Dolby Theatre on Sunday.

Haddish went to her go-to white Alexander McQueen gown for her big Oscar moment while Rudolph slayed in a long-sleeved floor-length red dress, but the two weren't here for their sky-high heels, clutching their designer shoes as they walked walked up to the mic.

"We are so happy to be here but our feet hurt," confessed Haddish, rocking Ugg slippers onstage. "I've been wearing these shoes since 11 o'clock this morning. How long have you been wearing your shoes?" 

"Since the Critics' Choice Awards," Rudolph deadpanned to laughs from the audience, referring the early January awards show.

When Haddish admitted she had blisters "bubbling up" on the bottom of her feet as a result, Rudolph one-upped her. "Girl, my pinky toe fell off," she said, as she showed off her "fallen pinky toe" (fake RIP!) for all to see. Haddish couldn't keep a straight face during the bit.

Watch Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph’s very funny #Oscars intro. pic.twitter.com/8VlvxK5l7N

— The A.V. Club (@TheAVClub) March 5, 2018

Haddish and Rudolph moved on to joke about the #OscarsSoWhite controversy that dominated the conversation in recent years and had a rather memorable take on the progress that's been made -- or lack thereof -- since then.

"When we came out together, we know some of you were thinking, 'Are the Oscars too black now?'" Haddish quipped, with Rudolph agreeing: "But we just want to say, don't worry, there are so many more white people to come."

"We just came from backstage and there are a ton of them back there. And not just movie stars, there are white people walking around with headsets, white people with clipboards. Now I'm personally not a fan of white people with clipboards because I'm always wondering what are they writing down about me?" Haddish said during their hilarious bit, as she and Rudolph acted out the back-and-forth between them and the aforementioned "white men in clipboards and headsets."

Before they announced the winner for Best Documentary Short Subject, Haddish couldn't help but take the moment to speak directly to Meryl Streep, who was seated in the front row, prompting Rudolph to laugh. 

"Hi Meryl!" the Girls Trip breakout said to the Oscar nominee, waving enthusiastically. "I want you to be my mama! Let's get this money, girl!" 

When they returned to present their second award, Best Documentary Live-Action, the jokes continued. 

"When you peed off a zipline in Girls Trip, it was brilliant," Rudolph said. Haddish had to return the favor to her co-presenter: "Oh my god, Maya, when you took a dookie in the street in Bridesmaids, it changed my life!"

"And look where we are now," Rudolph jokingly replied. "It was all worth it!" Haddish celebrated.

Fans took to Twitter to campaign for Haddish and Rudolph to be next year's Oscar hosts or star in a buddy comedy, and frankly, we're totally in for anything with these two ladies.

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph for Oscar hosts next year or 100% go fuck yourself.

— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) March 5, 2018

Any writer who didn't immediately sprint out of that auditorium to write Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph a buddy comedy is worth nOTHING

— Caroline Framke (@carolineframke) March 5, 2018

Admittedly I missed the first half hour of the Oscars but this bit with Tiffany Haddish & Maya Rudolph is by far the funniest bit so far.

— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) March 5, 2018

Every other tweet in my timeline is people begging for Tiffany Haddish & Maya Rudolph to host next year and add me to the chorus.

— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) March 5, 2018

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph should be hosting this whole show.

— Ren Jender (@renjender) March 5, 2018

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph, your next Oscar hosts

— James Poniewozik (@poniewozik) March 5, 2018

I know it's lazy to just be like "these two people onstage need to be in a movie together!!" but.........Maya Rudolph and Tiffany Haddish really should be in a movie together. And a miniseries. And a TV show. And on a spoken word album.

— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) March 5, 2018

Not sure about how everybody else feels, but I, for one, would like Tiffany Haddish & Maya Rudolph to co-host next year's #Oscars

— Matt Hodler (@MHodler) March 5, 2018

Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph to host the Golden Globes together next year? #Oscars

— Mandi Bierly (@MandiBierly) March 5, 2018

If Tiffany Haddish and Maya Rudolph don’t host next year’s Oscars, cancel them. #Oscars90

— Chris Azzopardi (@chrisazzopardi) March 5, 2018

Funny enough, a possible team-up between Haddish and Rudolph could come to fruition. Rudolph's longtime partner, director Paul Thomas Anderson, hinted that he wants to work with Haddish for a future big-screen project and seemed to allude to the fact that he "absolutely" would be into the idea of having them co-star together.

"That’s a combustible combination, the two of them," Anderson told the Los Angeles Times. "That’s what you dream of as a director. Because you know if you just get your … together and you’re simple and you create a platform, why do you think people look good when they work with Daniel Day-Lewis? Because it’s Daniel Day-Lewis! Writing for them, I feel like you could turn on the faucet and that’ll come out. That would be a great team.”

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