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udon-udon · 1 year

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2022 recap

Let’s see... 2022 was a pretty wild ride, not gonna lie

Shall we start from the beginning? Hmmmm the beginning of 2022..... SheEEEESH. It was my last semester of my final year for my bachelor’s degree in graphic design for marketing (wait, I have a bachelors? LMAOOOO I forget that I have one now holy cow wait a sec). I also remember being very very stressed out about my 3 week practicum I had to do in Feb. Alongside that were a ton of projects like portfolio making, final projects for said portfolio, the grad show etc etc. It was VERY busy and stressful. Luckily, the practicum went on without a hitch, and school projects were done with, and one of the bigger projects was well received so YAY!! And then of course, graduation rolled around in April, and I finally made it!! And then I got hired right after graduation which im still super thankful for cause I got hella lucky, really.

So work started in around late May/early June and it took a while to get used to things. I’ve never worked full time at an office before so there were many things I had to learn and stuff, but other than that I’m just glad I’m able to deliver the things I’m tasked to do, and they seem like they like me, so :’) Of course I still have my moments where I feel like I’m not cut out for the job or I think I’m doing horribly and for some reason think they’re going to fire me any time soon LOOL... but anywho... I started a deskmat project (which is still delayed unfortunately, i don’t want to talk about it...) but hoping that can get picked back up sometime soon... I was also rushing on new prints as well for con season so that was pretty wild.

Summer then came and WHEW. I got covid. Luckily it just felt like a regular cold, so I might have gotten a weaker strain of it. It was quite scary though since I live with family and I was afraid of spreading it to them (of course I ended up doing so cause we share the same bathroom, but they survived) Aside from that, I tabled for the first time in 3 years! AND I DID GREAT! I really missed tabling and honestly it might have been because of the turnout at the events but damn I did better than I’ve ever did, which is crazy. It really makes me want to get better and table more, but it do be pretty exhausting. Anyway, the summer was great imo, but jesus the fall took a nosedive.

September was alright, and for the second time, I didn’t have to worry about going back to school anymore which was kind of surreal again. I was finishing up the art commissions that I paused to work on the anime convention prints. I finished those up so I can focus on the Yuri Game Jam 2022 in Oct-Nov but little did I know.............. I would not be able to make it v n v. I underestimated the time management needed while working a 9-5 job and my lack of discipline... Also cause I didn’t have a clear vision of this year’s game which made me literally go in circles until I had no time left by the time I actually kind of had something down.... I became so stressed over the story that it branched out to other bad thoughts and I just spiraled really hard. Things that I said I would not let bother me had bothered me again and god I hated it so much. Why can’t I just... not think about those things. Hoping to stop those thoughts in 2023 though. So yeah I got really stressed so sadly I had to shelve the project and not release anything for this year’s game jam. I was very disappointed in myself, and it was a very tough decision to break my visual novel streak but I had to do what I had to do. After dropping the project I felt much much much much much better. Hoping to revisit the project again sometime though, now that I decided to release it whenever it’s ready (but will i have the proactiveness to go back to it? that is another story LOL)

So November was over with and December rolled around. December itself was stressful yet okay at the same time? Stressful in terms of spiraling at work again, but I also managed to just chill out and do whatever. And of course, the week-long break from work helped a ton (as I’m writing this thinking back I did absolutely nothing that week but that’s what I wanted most) Hopefully I’ll go back to work rejuvenated again cause I was clearly burnt out from work lmao. I should make use of my vacation days more man. Anyway since it was recent, I vividly remembering spiraling again over subject that shall not be mentioned, and I had no one to ground myself with so I had to try to ground myself somehow which I do try to do more so than rely on others. Luckily I recovered from the spiraling relatively quickly, so maybe it’s an improvement and if I ever encounter that subject again it’ll be an even faster recovery and soon it will be over? That’s what I’m hoping for 2023. Definitely a goal. Please let my 2023 self not let it bother me anymore please please please please (though i think i said that in 2022 no? hahaha) i jsut want to be loved v n v and not feel like my friends are leaving me one by one :’))))))))))))))))))))))))

ANYWAY Thank you for reading until the end. Ultimately, I want to worry less about subjects that make me go insane and just be happier. I’m a Bocchi that needs to find a close knit of supportive friends that can make me take another step in life :’)))))) LOOOOL And of course, I would like to draw more. Planning on opening art commissions in the new year some time soon so stay tuned. Hoping to table some more too! Though I don’t have much to sell hahahaha;;; Well then, until next year!

#personal #adventures with udon

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misshappilyfading · 4 months

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reflections + hopes vii

still here but in EST finally : ) referencing last year's post

again, i did a LOT this year. the whole year was kinda weird but not at all in a bad way. im happy with my 2023

good things:

i kept my exercise promise! and i found new fun ways to work out which really helped things : )

was my fandom regression to SJ a good thing? idk but it really jumpstarted my korean study and listening skills. and it was fun

watched a lot of really good kdramas and knowing brothers eps

my parents got to visit me in japan! they saw my apartment and stuff which i didn't think was gonna be possible

i went to south korea!! the trip was really fun and i had lots of good food

morning royal bread + smoothie + sausage and eggs :) or ikea meatballs + eggs

i saw twice in tokyo!

lawson ebi-kun

spring anime season was amazing. the shojo revival was wonderful

my kyushu (+hiroshima) trip!! i saw so much and ate so much

my trips to chubu, nagoya, and nagano were also fun. got to wrap up my last few bucket list trips in japan

went to 2 real cultural festivals

took a birthday trip to okinawa, sanrio puroland, and decorated a cute tiny cake!

okinawa food is good as fuck man

finally went to karaoke in japan

started grad school with full funding at a super prestigious school

actually having so much fun in grad school!! and i've made new friends easy peasy!

went on my first date (liked someone who liked me back for once)

finished my first semester with all A's : )

i learned 35 kpop dances this year! and they were all super fun

came home for christmas and made some kick ass food

i didn't eat great all year but i did try + i exercised so i'll give myself 0.75 points. i guess i technically have savings?? haven't taken N1 yet and I didn't do one song a month...so 7.75/11 goals completed? which is better good imo

2024:

(even more seriously this time) eat better this year

keep exercising consistently and try a new routine

maintain perfect dental hygiene (brush and floss the right way, 2x a day)

put down the bottle! limit myself to 1-2 drinks per week

get back to budgeting and making strict grocery/expense lists

take N1 (and pass)

study abroad in South Korea

start returning "i love you"s to my parents

finish grad school with my 4.0 intact

learn at least 3 kpop dances each month

get rid of my student loans

continue staying safe from covid, rsv, flu!

#and that's that!#these become more fun as i get older and am less depressed #like wow i have actually stuff to do #i have a life!#hoping these good vibes continue into 2024 and my...mid 20s :0

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lonestaraugust · 2 years

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hello long post bear with me

i remember kind of coming out in high school and people having such a lackluster reaction. obviously the people who mattered like my best friend and my partner were great but god the comments i used to get especially from guys i had previously been friends with was just…not great. and when i decided to move to massachusetts for college i was so worried i wouldn’t be able to find people to be close with and for the first month honestly it was hard i remember crying almost every night just missing being somewhere familiar. but i made friends! things got better! got to explore a new place and make amazing memories and when we all parted ways for the summer i was content with where i was in my degree and with my friends.

two weeks before summer we got word from financial aid that we had lost pretty much all assistance and i had to make the difficult decision to just…not go back. it was ‘oh shit i can’t believe i have to start a new life here’ to ‘wow this place is kind of magical’ to ‘im not going back’. took a semester off school, spent more time with my partner, and got to reacquaint myself with my home city. great!

got news that i’d be able to finish out my degree at a school in arizona that had a program that fit with what i wanted to do, amazing! moved my entire life, again, to arizona. met some amazing people, experienced some super hot fun and deeply traumatic stuff, and then covid hit about two months into my move. had to up and leave college within? three days of finding out that there was even a sickness to be worried about.

got home to texas, spent time stressed over getting sick and finishing school. managed to have a decent two years. finished undergrad and then got the chance to go into grad school. did that, finished. all from home. continued to work doing stuff i wasn’t super passionate about, worried about money a lot.

in the last half of 2021 though i got to finish school, moved out and into my own little space. now, i’ve had top surgery after waiting for like five years for the right time. i’ve got a second round interview for a job i am really excited about and it would provide a start to my career. things are good! but i’d be lying if i said i didn’t wonder what would’ve happened if i would’ve gotten to stay in mass or arizona, if i’d be a different person or if i would’ve gotten to have more time with my friends. i really do miss everyone and i try to stay in contact i just feel like a lot of people aren’t really into that? like it’s just not something they have time or energy for. and since all of my friends are in other states away in college and my other friends are all online (i love you guys, no offense) i really don’t have anyone to spend time with? outside of my partner? and it feels weird to just like have no plans ever and i don’t know how to make friends outside of school or the internet or work so i kind of just? float like a little ghost between periods of getting to see my best friend or partner like i don’t feel like a person, if that makes sense. don’t know what to do with all this just a lot of feelings!

#super personal just kind of rant stuff not about anything bad just need to talk

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inkofamethyst · 3 years

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September 19, 2021

Y’all,,,,,,, the way I can tell that ain’t nobody up in my anth class does the readings

Like yeah for stem classes you generally don’t have to unless you need extra help, but in social sciences the readings can, as I’ve learned (specifically in the two other social anthropology classes I took before this one), provide context for lectures and it’s so incredibly obvious when the prof/ta asks a question that relates to something that was defined in a specific way in an article and someone approaches the answer obviously coming at it with the mindset of a colloquial, common definition that doesn’t apply to this discipline.

I mean I’m not answering questions audibly but I’m also not equating modern-day wiccanism and witchcraft with the witchcraft as described in this one ethnography we had to read which is arguably worse because those people are quite literally wasting my time in class. Like this class is not hard. It simply is not.

Anyway like I recognize that this is an annoying position to take but it’s certainly a valid one imo. Perhaps one of the most valid positions on this topic. Like bro I’m taking seventeen credits including two labs (speaking of which,,,,, can y’all believe I was gonna subject myself to three literal labs last fall??? Like I can barely handle two and I was gonna take three?? I mean covid sucks sure but having 2/3 of my labs as asynch that semester was truly a blessing (also I miss fifteen credit semesters (I think next semester might be my first one without a lab ahhhhh!!!))), doing research, reading a book for fun, and I still have time to at LEAST skim the readings.

Also like,,, nobody reads syllabi? There are so many questions that people ask that come right from the syllabus and again, I feel like my time is being wasted in class. “Can she post the readings before the week starts” well i mean buddy my friend my pal, if you read the syllabus or went exploring the class website you might know that all the readings for the whole semester are in the files page my guy. God I’m insufferable, I know it, I do, but I can’t help it, and I hope my patience with people gets a bit stronger before I become a prof or teacher or something.

Oh and speaking of possible future paths, I was thinking on my walk to the grocery store the other day as I so often do that if I became a biomechanics expert, right? Someone with a wealth of knowledge in how bones work individually and as systems, how they change, how they adapt to new environments, etc., I could totally be involved in space research. Like I’d be a whole biological anthropologist focusing on how the human body changes/would change as a result of being on a different planet with different conditions and different pressures on the body, even if my background was in early human evolution, I think. Like,,,, that’d be so cool guys. I know biological anthropology perhaps wasn’t my absolute first choice in fields of study, but it’s really proving itself to me omg. I wonder what types of classes I’d have to take to be able to do something like that? I wonder if that’s even a thing? I wonder if I could make it a thing? I wonder if a focus on how gravity affected our skeletal evolution could be something I could study in grad school, then ultimately apply it to space?

Highkey wanna talk to somebody about this now????? I wonder if I could like intern with NASA on this or something? I’m sure this is a thing. They absolutely study the effects of 0G on the body, so I could probably just join in on that. I’d just want to know what path those scientists took to get to what they’re doing now, you know?

Gotta remember these ideas when I start applying for grad schools and grants and stuff lol.

Oh also I’m the only non pre-health person in my cell biology lab and honestly that’s hilarious to me. We introduced ourselves and everyone was like “hi im a bio major and im predent/med/whatever” and I was like “hi i wanna be an academic :)” BUT we had the lab coordinator running that section bc the ta couldn’t and I was the only person she commented on “oh wow! they do a lot more with genetics and ancient humans these days, that’s great!” so I consider that an absolute win.

Anyway my physics prof’s dad died and like,,, rip and all but this class had so many issues before this happened that are sort of just being compounded now. Like, we started the semester off behind. “Technical issues” and all, but really it just seems like our prof didn’t know what he was doing. The very first homework assignment had its due date extended twice and was ultimately due a week later than initially planned because our prof spent the first twenty of fifty minutes rambling for the first week or so. Then my prof left to be with his family and he gave us lectures he’d recorded while the uni was online last year, and I just sat through over an hour and a half of those lectures (at 1.75x speed bc I got homework due tonight) and like,,,, so much of that felt like wasted time, so I understand what he meant when he said in the first week of this sem that they were almost constantly behind last year. It’s because half of the lectures are in a sort of “hurry up and wait” mode? And the recorded ones are even worse than when we were in person. I get why previous classes felt confused almost all the time. Lecture is easy, the textbook talks down to you, and the homework is ridiculously difficult compared to everything covered on that topic. Part of me wishes I’d just gone ahead and taken the hardcore calculus-based physics that the engineers take because I’d imagine it’s at least more straightforward than this? But what I sacrifice on that front I gain in... idk. This class isn’t easy, exactly, just weird. I enjoy learning stuff and problem-solving but even this sort of seems pointless. Idk. We’re only 20%ish of the way in.

I’m not blaming the prof for not catching us up now. Grieving is rough, I know. I just think that this class as a whole needs to be better conceptualized.

One last thing: remember when Cecil said something like “The terror you feel in quiet moments is not misplaced, just mistimed”? Well, I’ve found myself going on walks around the campus mall late at night because, well, it’s cool and peaceful and some days I don’t feel like I’ve walked a sufficient amount (the goal is a solid five miles a day). I constantly turn to look behind me, and I only stay out while there are still people about, either on the mall or walking around it, because even though I tend to overestimate my own personal security, I’m also not entirely an idiot (like there was a literal armed robbery late at night in this area a bit ago so I’m well aware that this area ain’t the safest (though the university is sort of a bubble in that regard)). Anyway while I was out walking sometime this week, maybe around ten at night, I had this horrible bout of fear come over me that I couldn’t quite explain. It didn’t feel like some sort of panic/anxiety attack because the last time I had one of those it arose from overthinking. This time my head was practically blank, and for a just moment I felt a wave of terror that brought me out of that blank-ish headspace and almost into some sort of fight or flight response, but not quite. And it reminded me of that quote from WtNV. Those really do just stick with you sometimes, you know? Well, if that bit of fear was mistimed indeed, then I should hope that I can keep a level head in an instance that might actually be terrifying, if only for a moment of clarity.

Today I’m thankful for... for having the freedom and ability to walk to the grocery store. I will admit though, one of the most expensive parts of moving into an apartment has got to be the grocery shopping to fill up your cabinets with basics.

Also I really did not expect for me to continue with almost daily journaling into the semester. lowkey wack ngl.

Oh oh actual last thing I tried hanging my Starfleet banner over my bed again and it fell on me in the middle of the night (again) so next time I’m going to try using painter’s tape on the wall first then putting the command hooks on that. Because I’m getting extremely close to putting literal pins in my wall just so I can have my first ever hanging decoration in a room I’ve lived in. Actually that’s not completely true, as I had my pin banner freshman year, but that only barely counts. And I suppose I had those fairy lights. And the prints above my bed freshman year too,,,, okay I guess I lied BUT this banner would be the first decoration piece that actually highlights my personality instead of making me seem like a basic college girl (and I use that term sarcastically because, as we enlightened feminists are aware, the term “basic” can be used to put down our fellow women and we refuse to take part in that <3), so I really wanna get it up (...heh) hang it.

alright I’m tired and my calves hurt from last night and I still have things to do so bye

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babbushka · 3 years

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Hey, Mrs Z

I've really not been enjoying university lately and it's been making me pretty anxious consistently, like I don't do badly grades wise better than I thought I would do, but it just makes me feel off. I thought it would get better in second year but it hasnt. I just wanted to know if you have any advice or if you had a similar experience cause you seem to be pretty wise on this stuff and I respect your opinion. Thanks bunches xx

Hello my dear anon!

Please may I first just say that you are so loved, and you matter more than your grades, and your self worth as a person has no tie whatsoever to academic achievements. Don’t ever forget that. You are wonderful, you are smart, and kind, and I love you very very much.

You also, are not alone!! Please don’t feel as though you have to sit with all this anxiety all by yourself, the stress of university is something that everyone goes through to some degree, and (for the most part) your tuition pays for so many different resources that you can take advantage of!

I of course don’t know your specific university’s setup, but I know that many of them have people you can talk to, that will be able to give you more specific help or advice. Please don’t feel bad about using them, you’re already paying for it!

(the rest of this is going under a cut because it got long smh im too wordy im sorry)

My personal experience was basically an amazing time in undergrad, but my final quarter of grad school was.....hell. Like the kind of hell where I wanted to drop out and move home and hide my face from the world in shame forever (I got straight As, but I was absolutely miserable and burnt out and grieving a family loss and it was just...bad).

I spiraled into a very dangerous depression, I wasn’t sleeping or eating or going out much, I was barely showing up to class, and I wanted to be done. At that point, I had been in university for 6 years straight with no summers or semesters off, and I was officially at my breaking point. I stuck through it because I was like literally 10 weeks from graduation, but I do know how brutal it can feel, so I am with you in that regard, I truly am.

As for advice, I do have some words that I’d like to share, but of course you have to always do what is right for you, no matter what anyone says. You know yourself and your situation the best, these are just the things that helped me.

The biggest piece of advice that I have is, don’t be afraid to make changes to your schedule. Second year is still early enough in your academic journey to change majors or add a minor, if you find that you’re unhappy with what you’re doing. When we first start school, we’re told straight away that it’s a huge decision -- and it can be! But it is not a final decision.

If your classes aren’t fulfilling, change them! If you have an opportunity for a fun elective completely out of the norm for your major, take it!! Some of the best times in university I ever had, were in classes that had literally nothing to do with my degree. I have a BA in film and an MFA in animation but my favorite classes were all fine arts or history!

There is more freedom than you think, and that’s something I think we forget. You have the freedom to move your schedule around, to join clubs and leave clubs, to explore new places on campus, to meet new people. You have the freedom to rest and care for yourself. No one is going to know a year from now if you skipped one class. No one is going to hold it over you if you do poorly on an assignment. You have the freedom to say “this isn’t what I want anymore” and you can change it. It might mean that you’re in school for a semester or two longer, but if it’s the right path for you, then take it.

Which leads me to my other piece of advice, don’t feel like you have to rush through university. In grad school, the maximum amount of classes we were allowed to take was 3, and with that came about an 80/90 hour workweek since they were all studio classes. I knew people who took 3, and I knew people who took 2, and I knew people who took 1 at a time. Everyone works at a different pace. Everyone has a different threshold for what they can reasonably handle without going insane. I took 3 classes, and let me tell you that was so detrimental to my health (physically and mentally) in that last quarter.

If you’re feeling so anxious and just not right and not like yourself, you may be taking on too much. There is no shame in delaying your path by an extra semester or two. There is no shame in moving at your own pace. If a full schedule is way too much, reduce it! You’re going to be paying for those classes anyway, might as well set it up so that you can actually enjoy them while you’re taking them. When you’re able to focus on fewer things at once, I find that you absorb them much better, and that will ultimately serve you better in the long run.

I would like to end this by saying I think it’s also really important to note that everything, everything, is more stressful and anxiety inducing because of covid. Even if you don’t think so consciously, it is. Please give yourself some slack. Please give yourself some time to rest and relax. It’s so so important, now more than ever, to care for yourself first and foremost.

Again, I’m sending you so much love and know that I’m proud of you. I wish academia weren’t so stressful, and I’m afraid I don’t have a cure for that. But I hope that you’re able to pinpoint why you’re feeling this way, and can take some actions like the ones I mentioned above to try and mitigate some of that. I’m wishing you the very best my dear anon!

#<3333 #Anonymous #cowboy answers

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crypticchanglings · 4 years

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tumultuous times

my drama professor emailed our class about how our semester is now going to be p/nr. on one end, this reduces stress about grades, on the other hand my gpa is forever shot.

i had some pretty bad health problems at the end of my sophomore year that resulted in me dropping most of my classes and getting pretty bad grades in the remaining classes i could finish.

i was hoping to apply for grad schools and fellowships that rely on a specific gpa in order to get accepted. at this point, it looks like it’ll depend more so on recommendation letters.

maybe this is the universe telling me that i should really stop worrying about my grades and start worrying about the things that really matter.

but this has been a crazy week, so let’s summarize the last couple of days.

...

on monday, we were joking about how we might be forced out of dorms by wednesday.

on tuesday, we received an email that we had to move out by the following tuesday. i started to freak out about my spring break plans. my parents sent me a text that they would be coming up on saturday. my house had an emergency meeting to discuss the measures we would be taking.

on wednesday, friends started to make travel plans, people started moving out. we realized that international students were getting denied on-campus housing.

on thursday, there was a protest to pressure admins to allow students to live on-campus if they had to. classes were cancelled for friday. a couple of friends started self-isolating. we discussed the apocalypse in my bible class.

on friday, we all started moving stuff out. i biked out to the lit department to pick up a book about the orishan gods. i thought a lot about the future and about what i still hoped to accomplish. our house had a final supper and played pandemic as the night wore on.

on saturday, i left for nyc.

...

im currently on zoom with my housemates deciding on an isolation policy for the coming weeks. we’re one week away from disaster in nyc and there are neighbors with covid-19. my grandparents seem pretty aware of the consequences, much to my relief, and youtube is my only respite from the noise of my family.

my professor recommended that we record the events from this time. it’s scary to think about the us as a struggling nation, but in truth our healthcare system is far behind most european countries, our government regime is not tight enough for strict control, and we have so much misinformation that there’s no question as to why we’ll probably receive worse disaster than we’ve even seen abroad.

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