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jtsodergren · 4 years

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The Best of 2019

2019, what an exceptional year for movies! A great way to close out the shittiest decade! Here are the 50 best films I saw this year... click on the title to go to the IMDB page, and I’ll try to post a link to where you can see many of them. Also for the first time this year, I’m including MOM WARNINGS! My mom reads this list and sometimes actually watches these movies... so to save her some grief, sadness, or general concern for my psyche, there will be a NOT FOR MOMS!! warning where applicable... here we go!

50. STAR WARS - EPISODE IX: THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (Amazon)

People really hated this movie... I actually really liked it! Aside from the horses running around on the outside of spaceships (which makes no fucking sense... didn’t Leia get all space frozen exactly one movie ago??), it was a satisfying conclusion to a franchise I guess I don’t really care about as much as other people, so I was into it!

49. JOHN WICK: CHAPTER 3 - PARABELLUM (Amazon)

Quickly becoming one of the more well produced action franchises of all time. Probably two too many machine gun shootouts in this one for me (I get a little exhausted with gun violence), but the hand-to-hand stuff is brilliant and bloody and badass! Not to mention the deepening of the mythology and Halle Berry and her dogs. It’s a fun time, a welcome addition to the series, and I can’t wait for number 4.

48. QUEEN & SLIM (Amazon)

Billed as the black BONNIE AND CLYDE and from first time feature director Melina Matsoukas, this atmospheric tragedy is gorgeous to look at, delivers a pair of standout lead performances, and proves to have one of the more stressful final 30min of any of the films I saw this year, even if you know the inevitable conclusion is just around the corner.

47. UNDER THE SILVER LAKE (Amazon PRIME)

A wild Los Angeles noir story from the director of IT FOLLOWS. Plays like if David Lynch directed THE BIG LEBOWSKI, a weird, screwball whodunit. It’s a little long, and there are so many loose ends that seem to be thrown in just to fuck with the protagonist (and the audience), but it’s a really fun time and you’ll want to stay to the end to see it all play out. LA looks gorgeous too.

46. KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Netflix)

Truly inspiring. Really shows how if you put your mind to something, believe in yourself and that you can make a difference, you can accomplish anything. Regardless of your political leanings, or how you feel about AOC personally, this is well worth your time and it has a great message for young people, especially those young women of color who might not think they can achieve great levels of success. It made me cry the happy tears.

45. LONG DAY’S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT (Amazon)

Best known for it’s remarkable 59min-3D final take, this hallucinatory journey through memory and dreams is mind-blowing and breathtaking. Hard not to leave this one feeling like you’ve been put though some kind of experiment that you don’t fully understand, but you’ll want to experience again. Highly recommended if you have access to 3D, or simply have some killer edibles and want to be thrown for a loop.

44. CLIMAX (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of being under the influence, holy shit is this film nuts! From Gaspar Noe, who if you’re aware of his work, you kind of already know what you’re in store for here. It’s been described as “FAME directed by the Marquis de Sade”... incredible dance sequences and audacious camerawork that slowly but surely devolves into hell. It’s a blast!

43. HAIL SATAN? (Hulu)

A fresh and funny documentary about a group of smartass Satanists exposing the hypocrisy amongst bible-thumping Christians who’d rather stomp their feet and be the loudest in the room than listen to anyone else’s perspective. Frustrating and entertaining in equal parts, this compulsively watchable film makes you want to scream at these Jesus freaks as much as you want to laugh along with the antics of these harmless, intelligent and organized troublemakers. An excellent time well spent.

42. FIRST LOVE (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

Director Takashi Miike’s yakuza action-comedy is the most accessible of his films I’ve seen (he’s now made more than 100 movies, which is insane), but that doesn’t mean it’s not a gonzo wild time at the movies. The violence is here in full force, but unlike AUDITION or ICHI THE KILLER, you don’t need a barf bag close by to enjoy it. It’s often hilarious and moves at a breakneck speed. Super fun!

41. THE DEAD DON’T DIE (Amazon PRIME)

Jim Jarmusch’s star-studded, droll zombie-comedy came and went from theaters without much fanfare, but provided me with plenty of laughs. It’s also the second of 3 Adam Driver vehicles to be on this year’s list. Bill Murray and Driver lead the way along with plenty familiar faces in cameos throughout (including the RZA in one of my favorite scene’s of the year). Classic Jarmusch... a meditation on death and mortality in his vintage style.

40. EL CAMINO: A BREAKING BAD MOVIE (Netflix)

Dude, Aaron Paul is a legit GREAT actor. Picks up right where the show left off, and I was on the edge of my seat and filled with anxiety just like I was during the best moments of the now classic series. It was good to hang out with my old friends again.

39. DOCTOR SLEEP (Amazon)

A box office flop due to poor promotion and a title people weren’t familiar with, this sequel to THE SHINING is based on the Stephen King book of the same name, which I read, and I can’t recommend it more. Great suspense, and fantastic performances from both Ewan McGregor and (especially) Rebecca Ferguson. It’s a dark and scary film that is a fun trip back to the Overlook Hotel... provided you wish to return there...

38. THE LAST BLACK MAN IN SAN FRANCISCO (Amazon PRIME)

About 90min into this beautifully shot film I was ready to lock it in as a possible Top 5 contender. Then the bottom fell out for me the last quarter of the movie and lost my confidence. No bother, it’s still wonderful enough to find a spot on the list and carry my recommendation. Young men and women watching their city change before their eyes, and wondering what the concept of “home” really means is a real challenge facing many people here in the Bay Area. This film does a fantastic job conveying that, for most of the film anyway.

37. THE PEANUT BUTTER FALCON (Amazon)

A bonafide crown-pleaser of a movie, and another example of the true talent Shia LeBeouf has and is capable of (more on him later). A young man with Down Syndrome escapes his assisted-living facility to track down his wrestling idol the Saltwater Redneck with the help of an outlaw and a social worker. Sweet, funny, and heartfelt... a feel good surprise.

36. A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD (Amazon)

I didn’t cry nearly as much as I did during the excellent documentary WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR from last year, but if you’re a Mr. Rogers fan, you’ll still shed a few during this heartwarming film. Tom Hanks does his thing, and even though this movie is guilty of borrowing a little too much from the previous doc, it’s still a great showcase for the truly selfless and beautiful force of nature that Fred Rogers was. Bring tissues anyway.

35. CARMINE STREET GUITARS (In Theaters Now)

A love letter to both New York City and the art, joy, and love that goes into honing and maintaining one’s craft. Meanwhile the looming doom of gentrification hovers over the proceedings, never letting you get fully enrapt in the sweetness that these artists (and their many famous customers) exude when talking about and playing their one-of-a-kind works of art. A stunning and lovely piece for musicians and talentless fans of music alike.

34. HOLIDAY (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A tough, cold film with nary a character to actively root for... until after about an hour of icy behavior comes (no pun intended) a scene so shocking in its graphic and disturbing nature, people left the theater without staying for the final resolution. First time director Isabella Eklof pulls off the bold and audacious maneuver, all while making it seem like she doesn’t care whether you like her characters (or her film) at all. It’s a very fine balancing act, executed to perfection. But be warned... it’s rough.

33. AVENGERS: ENDGAME (Disney+)

What can I say? You saw it. It’s good. A bunch of Supermans fly around and blow shit up. A satisfying end (until the next 20 films).

32. MIDSOMMAR (Amazon Prime)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

A disturbing slow burn of a gothic horror film. Characters do hallucinogens while ritualistic religious murders and tribal mating practices threaten to ruin everyones existence. Florence Pugh is phenomenal (more from her in a minute) in a very trying roll. Doesn’t pack quite the punch of the director’s last film, HEREDITARY, but it’s still well worth the watch. But yeah, it’s disturbing.

31. APOLLO 11 (Hulu)

A fascinating look at the first moon landing from rarely seen archival footage and audio. Seeing it on the IMAX screen was intense and exhilarating, unlike narrative pictures like the severely overrated FIRST MAN. This isn’t my favorite documentary of the year, but it is an absolute lock to win the Academy Award for Best Doc of 2019. It’s a must see, a must experience.

30. HIGH LIFE (Amazon PRIME)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

French auteur Claire Denis’ bizarre, erotic sci-fi mindfuck about isolation and humanity is not for everyone, but is a brilliant take on the genre, and is yet another showcase for Robert Pattinson, who is quietly becoming one of my favorite working actors. Juliette Binoche also is on fire here and has what one critic calls “the single greatest one-person sex scene in the history of cinema.” So it has that going for it.

29. TRIPLE FRONTIER (Netflix)

A fully loaded heist film with no real bad guy, but instead a group of recognizable badasses in a Netflix-released action thrill ride. There’s absolutely no reason this should’ve worked, or even been half as good as it is, but boy is it good! Compulsively watchable, and rewatchable. If this were on Showtime as much as DEN OF THIEVES is I’d have seen it 30 times by now. It’s one of the most pleasant surprises of the year.

28. 1917 (Amazon)

An unbelievable visual achievement from cinematographer Roger Deakins and director Sam Mendes. The story isn’t the greatest war story ever told (are there great war stories?), but it’s shot to look like one continuous long take, sustained for 2hrs. It’s really an unbelievable feat, but doesn’t come off as gimmicky or distracting. It’s intense, beautifully staged, and sad. A big screen spectacle.

27. TOY STORY 4 (Amazon)

Woody and the gang are back, and the films continue to keep the dust from collecting. It’s still so much fun to hang out with this group of misfit toys. There was talk that after the incredible TOY STORY 3 this was just a money grab and was labeled unnecessary, but I found it to be a sweet, charming, and nostalgic trip I was glad I took.

26. HONEYLAND (Hulu)

My pick for documentary of the year comes from the mountains of Macedonia, where a woman named Hatidze lives with her dying mother making a living cultivating honey. When a family of shitheads moves into a shanty next door, what seems like a fix for her lonely existence becomes catastrophic as they disregard her teachings and threaten her livelihood. I was an emotional wreck throughout the experience and it goes without saying it’s a must-see. Gorgeous and heartbreaking.

25. LITTLE WOMEN (Amazon)

I have never read the book, nor seen any of the film adaptations, so I went in blind to this lovely film. Director Greta Gerwig follows up the phenomenal LADYBIRD with this Altman-esque rendition of the widely beloved literary classic. I found it exceptional in its execution and performances, including the previously mentioned Florence Pugh, who is a knockout. A wonderful addition to the ever-growing stable of Christmas films I look to enjoy during future Decembers.

24. GREENER GRASS (Hulu)

It’s as if Tim & Eric made BLUE VELVET. Bizarre, outrageous, gross, and a guaranteed future midnight movie favorite. My sides hurt. A satire skewering upper-middle class suburban soccer moms and dads alike. Babies are given away. A boy turns into a dog. Everyone has braces. There’s a creep on the loose. It’s wild and flat-out hilarious literally from start to finish. Almost too many jokes to keep up with. Watch it! Bring weed.

23. RELAXER (Amazon)

NOT FOR MOMS!!

Speaking of gross, this film is disgusting, but in a good way. A satire about lazy consumerism and self-destruction. It’s a short hang, thankfully, but if you can stomach it to the end (remember, it’s nasty) you’ll be rewarded with not only a hilarious dark comedy, but also an unexpected haymaker of sadness you didn’t see coming. It’s a pretty impressive feat, and an overall success. But, yeah, it’s fucking gross.

22. AD ASTRA (Amazon)

APOCALYPSE NOW in space starring Brad Pitt. If you need more information than that, I don’t really know what else to do for you.

21. SLUT IN A GOOD WAY (Amazon PRIME)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A black-and-white raunchy French arthouse teen comedy that gives a middle finger to the double standard set by the equally raunchy teen-boys-will-be-boys genre. It’s so much fun, and honest, and the actors are such natural talents you forget the subject matter is at times shocking (only because of said double standard) and just go with it. I think it’s just wonderful. Seek it out!

20. US (HBO)

Jordan Peele’s excellent follow-up to GET OUT. Doppelganger home invasion terror with a killer twist. To describe more would be to risk giving something away. I’ll just say that Lupita Nyong’o is my pick to win her second Oscar, this time as Best Actress, here in a dual role. She’s incredible. If you haven’t seen it, try to go in blind, you’ll be rewarded.

19. THE FAREWELL (Amazon PRIME)

A heartfelt homecoming film about family, culture, and how the things we don’t say can be just as strong of a show of love as the things we do say. It’s sweet, tender, and bursting with personal flare and emotions from director Lulu Wang. Awkwafina also curbs her more manic and loud tendencies as a performer for more quiet, thoughtful, and somber choices. She’s phenomenal.

18. KNIVES OUT (Amazon)

A clever ensemble whodunit that’s just as funny and smart as it is mysterious. Everyone across the board delivers as the assorted motley crew. The film rewards repeat viewings and Daniel Craig knocks it out of the park, stealing every scene he’s in, reminding us all what a fantastic actor he can be when he’s not sipping the Vespers.

17. BOOKSMART (Hulu)

The female SUPERBAD is the elevator pitch, but this coming-of-age gem is really unlike any other example in the genre. They’re privileged, uber-smart, and have never partied. Yet they have the same neuroses as any other teen scared to death of what to do next or how to be normal. It’s also fucking hilarious. You wanna hang out with these girls and at the same time bury your head under the covers because you feel their pure terror/embarrassment. It’s a blast.

16. THE MUSTANG (Amazon)

Starring Matthias Schoenaerts, one of the finest actor’s working today, this understated and emotional drama about rehabilitation and redemption floored me upon first viewing. It is a gorgeous film. You’ve probably seen stories similar to this before, but rarely is one told with such compelling conviction. A borderline masterpiece.

15. HONEY BOY (Amazon PRIME)

Remember a few years back we had the McConaissance, where everything Matthew McConaughey did was solid gold after years of middling bullshit? I’m calling it right now: Shia LaBeouf is about to have the same thing. He wrote the script and plays a version of his own father in a brutal version of his own fucked up childhood as an up-and-coming child actor. It’s heartbreaking and absolutely riveting. I’m hoping he gets an Oscar nod, but regardless I implore you to seek this film out, he’s incredible.

14. MONOS (Hulu)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

A bizarre, bewildering, chaotic, and unsettling film. Some of the most beautiful photography I saw on the big screen this year, yet some of the most surreal and disturbing imagery as well. It’s a militarized, Latin American LORD OF THE FLIES with commentary on tribal behavior and violence. It can be a tough sit, but boy is it beautiful.

13. DOLEMITE IS MY NAME (Netflix)

What a wonderful, welcome surprise! Eddie Murphy in an awards caliber performance as Rudy Ray Moore, the multi-hyphenate performer who created the alter ego Dolemite, spawning a film franchise and many legendary comedy albums. It’s obviously hilarious, and a great behind-the-scenes biopic, but also shockingly sweet and heartfelt, even between all the cuss words. I even teared up a couple times. The 3rd best thing Netflix released this year (more on that in a minute).

12. JOKER (Amazon)

You already saw this.

11. THE IRISHMAN (Netflix)

It’s far too long. It could’ve done with being cut as a three part miniseries or special. There’s about 45min worth of scenes that are quintessential DVD bonus features (I’m looking at you Action Bronson), but goddamn if it’s not Scorsese doing his Scorsese thing. It’s a gangster film, but it’s also a meditation on aging and death. Pesci is incredible and Pacino steals the show. Sure, the de-aging thing is distracting, the curb stomping scene is embarrassing. But still, I mean... IT’S MARTIN SCORSESE!

10. PAIN AND GLORY (Amazon)

Pedro Almodovar’s most personal work to date, a tale about making art and the loneliness of love. If you are unfamiliar with his work, this is a great jumping off point. His movies can be challenging and dark, but this film has such joy and hope amongst the heartache. The final reveal, while not earth shattering on paper, is nonetheless so moving it left the screening I attended without a dry eye in the place. It is his best film yet.

9. THE LIGHTHOUSE (Amazon)

From the director of THE WITCH comes another type of gothic horror, this time with the legendary Willem Dafoe and the (already mentioned) brilliant Robert Pattinson marooned on a lighthouse rock alone to drive each other completely insane. It’s hallucinatory, violent, disorienting, and flat-out brilliant. If it weren’t for another guy we’ll get to in a minute, Dafoe would be a lock for Best Supporting Actor here. It’s a slightly challenging film, with the period style mariner dialogue, but it’s just as funny as it is terrifying.

8. JOJO RABBIT (Amazon)

A beautiful, touching, funny, crowd-pleasing comedy about a little Nazi whose imaginary friend is Hitler. Yep, your read that correctly. There are about a million reasons this should absolutely not work. Yet, it’s one of the best theater going experiences I had this year. A must see... ESPECIALLY with Mom!

7. MARRIAGE STORY (Netflix)

The best written and acted film of the year, and the third Adam Driver vehicle to appear here. Sad but honest. Touching but brutal. It’s awkward and a bit of a bummer, but there’s such great work being done here, in front of and behind the camera. Noah Baumbach is a force of nature, and has yet to make a film I was even iffy about. He’s the real deal and this might be his masterpiece.

6. WAVES (Amazon)

Speaking of auteurs, Trey Edward Shults is now 3/3 on features after the brilliant KRISHA and IT COMES AT NIGHT. Here he follows a middle-class black family, led by a domineering father, through a tragic moment in all of their lives. The first half deals with the son’s story, then abruptly switches to the daughter’s life post said event. It shouldn’t work, yet somehow manages to be one of the most emotionally affecting pieces of art I saw this year. The camera never stops moving, constantly swirling and whirling and you can’t help to be sucked up into it. It’s a beautiful tragedy.

5. LONG SHOT (HBO)

The biggest and most pleasant surprise of the year. An opposites-attract rom-com with more brains, bite, social commentary, and laughs than it has any right to have. Easily the most fun you’ll have with (almost) the whole family... there’s a lot of cum jokes. But don’t let the vulgarity dissuade you! It’s a total riot with just the right amount of sweetness to balance out the saltiness. I love love love this movie.

4. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE (Hulu)

What starts as a strange, dark comedy morphs into a FIGHT CLUB-esque thriller with allusions to disturbingly toxic masculinity and an offbeat take on what it takes to “be a man.” It is laugh-out-loud hilarious, and expertly made, while really having something to say, and it says it in a way I’ve never really seen before. It’s not surprising this didn’t get more attention, the characters are truly difficult to relate to, let alone root for, but as far as originality goes, you’d be hard pressed to find anything this year much better than this.

3. UNCUT GEMS (Amazon)

(Probably) NOT FOR MOMS!!

The cinematic equivalent of being locked in the brain of a lunatic having a cocaine-fueled anxiety attack. If that sounds like fun (AND IT IS!!!) then this is the film for you! Oh, and Adam Sandler is going to be nominated for an Oscar for Best Actor. For real. It’s a chaotic, stress-filled masterpiece.

2. ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (Amazon)

My favorite filmmaker’s 2nd best film. A personal story about the love of film during the late 60s, a time of dirty hippies and Charles Manson, as well as the passing of the torch from old Hollywood to the “golden age” of cinema. It’s a fairytale of sorts, with Tarantino’s trademark flare for spontaneous violence and mining multiple genres to make his most mature work since PULP FICTION. I’ve been rewarded with new takeaways upon each subsequent viewing, and my love and appreciation for it only grows and grows. Brad Pitt is a lock for Best Supporting Actor, he’s magnificent. It was always going to be my #1 with a bullet no matter what, because it’s just that great...

1. PARASITE (Amazon)

...but then Bong Joon-ho, the master of new Korean cinema unleashed PARASITE. Not only is it the best film of 2019, it’s one of the best films I have ever seen. Like EVER ever. He is in such astonishing control of his craft it’s hard not to sit back and marvel and the sheer skill on display. You can be laughing one moment and then recoiling in horror during the same breath. He’s using multiple genre tropes, incredible set design, pitch perfect acting/writing, and such exquisite planning you can’t possibly know what’s in store for you from one scene to the next. It is an absolute masterpiece and if it doesn’t sweep every category it’s nominated for at this year’s Oscars, it’ll be a travesty. If you have even a passing interest in film as an art form, the power it can wield, and the messages it can convey, you owe it to yourself to see this film. It’s perfect.

Well, there it is. Thanks for reading any part of this. Now go see PARASITE. I love you.

#movies #top50 #2019 #movies of 2019

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alyssaiswriting · 5 years

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Egg Hunt

Before You Read: Here’s a little something inspired by the snapchat easter egg hunt for all the boys <3

word count: 1348

Joel stands in front of the living room TV faces his guest, his girlfriend Izzy sitting on the floor beside the large couch waiting boredly for Joel to explain the game to the rest of the couples so they can just get on to the actual hunt.

Richard sits with Tracy on the single couch, Zabdiel and Elle sit with Erick and Noe on the large couch whilst Chris lays with his head in Alondra's lap on the floor. Her fingers running through his hair and he momentarily closes his eyes enjoying how relaxed it makes him feel.

"Ok so we're doing this in couples, so one of you guys open the Snapchat app," Joel says already holding his phone in hand.

Richard, Chris, Elle, and Noe all take out there phones opening the app. "So in the maps, you will see there's an egg hunt going on right now, basically you just travel around and collect these virtual eggs, I say we give it about 3 hours and whoever collects the most eggs wins" Joel smiles at his friends.

It's currently 8 so his plan is to have everyone meet back at the house around 11ish

Richard frowns "yeah uh why would we do this?"

"Winners get 60 dollars" Joel sighs and all the couples stand to their feet.

————-

"Turn left," Zabdiel tells Elle staring down at her Snapchat map, "how much further?" She asks "just keep driving we're close."

"Ok make sure to tap the egg-"

"Yes, mi amor I know" Zabdiel collects the egg "ok turn around I saw a few more a couple of blocks back" Elle makes a U-Turn just as her favorite song, Star by Bazzi comes on the radio.

She starts singing along to the words when she pulls up to a red light she fists her hand like she's holding a mic. "There we are, smokin' on rolled cigars, Hollywood Boulevard" she sings

"I can see it all now" Zabdiel joins in only knowing the lyrics because of all the times she's played it while dancing around their shared apartment.

"You could be bigger than your fantasies, Standing right next to me" Elle opens her arms as she sings.

"I see it all now You're a star" they sing together.

Zabdiel stays smiling at Elle even when she's focused back to driving while sing "ah ah ah ah ah, ah aha ah" they both burst out laughing before Zabdiel looks down at Elle's phone.

"Oh we passed them"

————

Richards speeds down the roads with Tracy telling him directions to the next egg that is until she spots a convenience store still opened, hanging outside are egg-shaped piñatas. "Stop here," she tells him.

"Baby we've only found 11 eggs," he tells her "but Aaliyah would love that tomorrow!" She tells him.

with a sigh but a smile, he pulls into the parking lot of the convenience store and they both hop out of the car. The egg piñatas are different types of designed Easter eggs "what color we feeling?" Richard asks.

"Pink obviously, that's Aaliyah's favorite" Richard points a finger winking at you "You right" he leans to the side to look into the convenience store doorway to the owner sitting at the register.

"How much are these?" He questions

"30" the lady shouts loud enough for Richard to hear. He nods handing the money to Tracy so she can pay whilst Richard takes the piñata to his car.

As she's making her way to the register she spots Easter baskets filled with different types of goodies.

"How much are these?" Tracy asks her eyes set on the basket that has a little stuffed unicorn inside. "15," the lady says.

Tracy hands the owner the money for the piñata before taking out her card to pay for the basket.

Walking back to the car a smile spreads onto Richard's face, he's leaning against the passenger door but pushes himself off it when Tracy gets closer.

"You like spoiling her huh?"

Tracy smiles "she deserves it, she's a good girl" Richard leans forward meeting Tracy in a soft but passion filled kiss.

——————

"Wait I think you were supposed to turn a couple of streets back," Erick says.

"Erick that's the 3rd time you make me miss it" Noe sighs

"I'm confused" he whines making Noe laugh softly "ok let's switch"

"I don't want to drive," he tells her.

"Boy, you-" she cuts herself off, sighing.

"How many eggs have we found?"

"5," he tells her, "and what place are we in?" She questions

It takes Erick a while to find where the leader board is. "Last," He says slowly.

Noe curls her lips into her mouth "so you wanna get something to eat instead?"

"Yes please" Erick smiles at his girlfriend.

——————

Chris' head bops along to the beat of a song Alondra picked out, his fingers tapping against the steering wheel.

"Who's in the lead mami?" Chris questions.

Alondra pulls up the leaderboard on Chris' map, "take a wild guess" she says looking to her boyfriend.

"Joel Pimentel," Chris says, Alondra nods "ding ding ding ding"

"How many eggs do they got?"

"51," she tells him, Chris raises an eyebrow "and us?" "43," she tells him.

Chris looks down at the clock to see then have a little over 30 minutes left "think we can beat them?" A look of determination in his eyes makes Alondra smile.

"No doubt"

—————

"How many eggs ahead of us?" Joel asks Izzy, "about 4," she tells him.

Joel looks down at the clock to see they have about 15 minutes before the 2-hour time limit of up.

"We need a golden egg" when he pulls up to a red light he looks over to his girlfriend, "it's about 10 minutes away" she sighs falling back against her seat.

"We on this baby, give me directions"

Izzy tells Joel where to turn and what streets will be faster, getting them there a lot quicker.

As Joel nears the destination they both start getting a little too overexcited, "so close so close so clo-" izzy collets the egg adding 5 points to their count.

Joel holds up his hand asking for a high five which Izzy happily gives him. Joel clasps his hand over hers as he says "ok check the leaderboard.

Izzy does as she's told frowning when she still sees Chris' bitmoji in the lead.

"They're still ahead"

Joel looks at the time "we got seven minutes, give me the next egg destination"

————-

"They're still collecting eggs," Tracy says watching Joel's moving bitmoji, "you guys are still in the lead but they're very close," Elle tells Alondra over FaceTime.

Noe ended up texting Tracy and Elle to tell them she and Erick gave up and we're getting something to eat, the other couples thought that sounded like a good idea and soon joined them.

"Why are you guys rooting for them only?" Izzy says through FaceTime with Erick.

"Because Joel is the most competitive person ever and he needs to be taken down," Elle says.

"I'm nothing but nice to you Elle" Joel shouts.

"Come on Chris I know you can drive faster than that" Richard says. "I thought you wanted to be a NASCAR diver?"

"Shut up," Chris tells his friend.

"he's being a safe driver" Alondra defends her boyfriend.

"Joel And Izzy are in the lead now," Tracy says

"Chris hurry the fuck up" Alondra tell Chris.

"Y'all there's one minute left" Tracy reminds the 2 couples. Zabdiel is looking over her should as he munches on some fries that Noe is stealing as she tries to shoot them into Erick's mouth from across the table.

"Chris" Alondra sounds excitedly just as the clock strikes 11:15 and Chris bitmoji leads on the leaderboard with 5 more eggs then Joel's.

"We got a golden egg!!" Alondra tells her friends and everyone cheers for the couple.

"Y'all suck," Izzy says before laughing softly and pointing the camera in the direction of Joel who's leaning his forehead against the steering wheel.

"Pay up joelito!!" Chris teases.

----------------------

A/N

Happy Easter!!

this was kind of pointless and wasn't as cute as I wanted it to be but the idea was there

#cnco #cnco imagine #zabdiel de jesus #christopher velez #erick brian colon #joel pimentel #richard camacho

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scribbles97 · 5 years

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Scribbs rewatches TAG - Fireflash

UNDER THE CUT INCASE OF SPOILERS

Scribbs knows this is a TOS episode rewritten but is too young to remember it and never really watched it

I want to know which London airport that is, because I’ve flown from most of them and none of them look like that!

Hmm, listening back now, Captain Hansen’s voice sounds familiar

Upgraded engines… there’s your disaster waiting to happen, or so you would think

Mr Bottomsly, I don’t think Kayo really needs looking after

Wow and still he pushes for her to talk, what is it with men and not taking a hint?

Scott, don’t rub salt in the wound, when was the last time you flew commercial??

London to sydney in a ‘few’ hours

Kayo, i love how unimpressed you look about supersonic

Ooo where’d it go?

Keeping an eye on Kayo were you John?

“Have you ever seen me panic thunderbird 5” said in the most suave voice ever Scott

Very quick of you Kayo to pick up on the course change

Mr Bad Guy you’ve been caught

Kayo I don’t think Berneard is going to be of much help to you awake or asleep

The box under the controls looks familiar

Of course it’s the Hood, who else would it be?

Scott trying to be the hero again whilst everyone just raises their eyebrows

It was even little Alan’s suggestion to go, let the boy have a ride out in a Thunderbird!

Virgil you are a bad role model to your little brothers

Oh how philosophical of you Hood

The saboteur trying to sabotage my sabotage… too many sabotagers there I think

“Come out come out” Ahh yes i’m sure that will draw anyone out of hiding

Of course Scott’s timing is terrible, he’s a man, that is a specification of being a man

What are you doing in fifteen seconds Kayo?

“Ruining your plans is the best part of my job” Wow you really do hate him Kayo

I see family is a sore point between the pair of them

Wow you’re really going to leave your neice on a crashing plane hood? That’s kind of messed up

John your scopes are 4 seconds slow

Looks can be deceiving Scott… we still have 7 minutes and thunderbird two to use up

Uh ohh

Phew… that’s one way to put it

Fire flash into fire ball

Oh isn’t it good when little brothers don’t listen to you scott?

I like this pick and mix pods thing

I woulnd’t leave the module in the middle of the runway virgil

Ooo TOS music

You mean you’ve never had a race in the pods gordon?

“This isn’t good” understatement alan

Hmm kayo, think your bros are going to be more conserned about the passengers than themselves

“We’re okay” Ever the faithful gordon

Oh noes, not sad music

Awwww, is she going to tell them about the Hood being her uncle?

Virgil don’t interrupt

Okay yes that’s a good idea i guess Virgil… why didn’t you just do that first?

I think those people owe Virgil their lives, he was really the one that saved the day

Why is it Virgil’s responsibility to get Fireflash home?

#thunderbirds are go #fireflash #thunderbirds 2015 #kayo kyrano #the hood #Scott Tracy #Virgil Tracy #Gordon Tracy #alan tracy #John Tracy #thunderbirds series 1

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jamfingers · 7 years

Video

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I’ve posted this before, but it’s still my fave BK vid of all time so I’m posting it again idefc izMAH BLOG!

PSA: drunk rant coming

So like watching this again put me in my fucking feelings bc like Julie Plec is such a dick. Like honestly. Her writing on TVD is so horrid and ugly and racist, and her business sense is in the fucking toilet Tbh.

Kai Parker was a new, dynamic character who brought new fans into the fandom (example, ME) and gave some fresh blood to a dying vampire show. He made an otherwise shitty season less shitty simply by virtue of bEING there and Plec goes and fires him? For what, her new show? That was filmed in the same place??…mmmkay. Bc it’s not like actors can’t film two things at once or like Chris was unwilling to do so (SG and TVD) or like Containment wasn’t a mini that was done being filmed by the time it aired. Like honestly, keeping him on TVD would have promoted Containment more.

And like…don’t tell me not one person in the writers’ room couldn’t come up with a better alt to Nina’s exit than Kai-puts-Elena-in-a-coma. Srsly? Like I go d it funny that Kai literally knocked a bish out twice, but Sleep in fucking beauty honestly? I mean let’s see how many diff ways I can come up with for Nina to leave rn for funzos:

1) Elena just dies. That’s it. Smashed by a car or some shit Idk. Nothing to do with Kai and this is TVD death is MEANINGLESS. She can come back.

2) Kai leaves the PW like he did in the show, but he crashes the wedding with a warning about the Heretics, (who actually turn out to be BADASS and not Mean Girls lite) who are literally razing the town for fresh blood and newly hooman Elena gets caught in the crossfire. She dies or gets cursef whatever. Point is, Boo-Boo Kitty can come still back.

3) Lily actually was worth the hype. Mama crazy eyes kidnaps Elena (lmao) and demands her family’s release. Gets or doesn’t get her way, idc, Elena gets ganked, Nina can leave.

4) Gemini coven politics demand they step in to deal with all these fucking outsiders slipping in and out of prison worlds like they’re trying to get a bitch pregnant. Kai gets released and by accident so do the Heretics. Mayhem. Bye Lena. See ya later Nina.

Like really booger? You couldn’t come up with something else? I came up with 4 in 5 minutes that would have been more exciting and still accomplished the goal of releasing Nina from her contract and still leaving an opening for her return, while not shitting on Bonnie and keeping Kai on the show. My ship sails. Fuck you Bozo and Bitchmon.

In some alternate timeline, this shit happened, BK is canon and TVD isn’t complete poo. That’s like legit my only fangirl solace rn and I’m aware that I’m way too smashed to be going on an internet rant about a show that’s fucking over at 2 in the morning but wtf ever I do what I want. Julie Plec is ass and so is everyone who backed that decision. You too, Chris Wood, stop schmoozing. You’re too talented for that b.s., fight to play the characters you want and ask for better storylines for them. Fuck. Viva LA FUCKING VIDA.

Alright bye noe

#bonkai #bonkai video #bonkai edit #bonkai rant #anti tvd #anti plec #i'm really drunk rn #my head hurts #niggas ain't shit i tell you wtf is wrong with jp #ugh. you dumb hi #*ho #santa says that 3 times in a row #and it's a rhyme #night night ill be all right #lol another rhyme

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foursprout-blog · 6 years

Text

Trump Cuts The Gordian Knot Of Foreign Entanglements

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/wealth/trump-cuts-the-gordian-knot-of-foreign-entanglements/

Trump Cuts The Gordian Knot Of Foreign Entanglements

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Authored by Patrick Armstrong via The Strategic Culture Foundation,

President Trump is a new phenomenon on the American political scene.

Not a professional politician begging for funds but a rich man who spent his own money and raised money on his own name: he arrived in office unencumbered with obligations. Free from a history in politics, he owes nothing to anyone. Add in his personality, grandiosity and late-night tweets and the punditocracy is in a state of angry incomprehension. Even more offensive to their notions of propriety is that this “dangerously incompetent“, unqualified, mentally ill man beat the “most qualified presidential candidate in history“. No wonder so many of them believe that only cunning Putin could have made it happen – even if they don’t know how. But the punditocracy is as befuddled about him today as it was last year and the year before. (Scott Adams, who got it right, reminds us just how clueless they were.) The very fact that Trump won despite the opposition of practically every established constituency in the United States shows that there is more to him than readers of the NYT and WaPo or watchers of CNN and MSNBC (can) understand.

What follows is an attempt to divine Trump’s foreign policy. It proceeds from the assumption that he does know what he’s doing (as he did when he decided to run in the first place) and that he does have a destination in mind. It proceeds with the understanding that his foreign policy intentions have been greatly retarded by the (completely false) allegations of Russia connections and Russian interference. There was no Russian state interference in the election (the likelihood is that Moscow would have preferred known Clinton) and, as I have written here, the story doesn’t even make sense. I expect when the Department of Justice Inspector General completes his report that the Russiagate farrago will be revealed as a conspiracy inside the US security organs. We do not have a date yet, but mid-January is suggested. Readers who want to follow the story are recommended to these websites: Dystopiausa, CTH and Zerohedge.

We start with four remarks Trump often made while campaigning. Everyone would be better off had President Bush taken a day at the beach rather than invade Iraq. The “six trillion dollars” spent in the Middle East would have been better spent on infrastructure in the USA. NATO is obsolete and the USA pays a disproportionate share. It would better to get along with Russia than not.

To the neocon and humanitarian intervention crowd, who have been driving US foreign policy for most of the century, these four points, when properly understood (as, at some level, they do understand them), are a fatal challenge. Trump is saying that

1) the post 911 military interventions did nothing for the country’s security;

2) foreign interventions impoverish the country;

3) the alliance system is neither useful nor a good deal for the country;

4) Russia is not the once and future enemy.

A Chinese leader might call these the Three Noes (no regime change wars, no overseas adventures, no entangling alliances) and the One Yes (cooperation with Russia and other powers).

Which brings us to his slogan of Make America Great Again. We notice his campaign themes of job loss, opiates, lawlessness, infrastructure, illegal immigration, the stranglehold of regulations, the “swamp”, the indifference of the mighty, the death of the “American Dream”. None of these can be made better by overseas interventions, carrier battle groups or foreign bases. But they can be made worse by them. There is every reason to expect that by MAGA he means internal prosperity and not external might. Trump has little interest in the obsessions of the neocon and humanitarian intervention crowd. “We need a leader that can bring back our jobs, can bring back our manufacturing, can bring back our military – can take care of our vets… The fact is, the American Dream is dead.” No foreign adventures there. So, in summary, Trump’s foreign policy of Three Noes and One Yes is a necessary part of making America “great” again.

If I am correct in this and this is indeed his aim, how can he do it?

There is a powerful opposition in the United States to the Three Noes and One Yes. And it’s not just from the neocon/humanitarian interventionists: most Americans have been conditioned to believe that the USA must be the world’s policeman, arbiter, referee, example. Perhaps it’s rooted in the City on a Hill exceptionalism of the early dissenter settlers, perhaps it’s a legacy of the reality of 1945, perhaps it’s just the effect of unremitting propaganda, but most Americans believe that the USA has an obligation to lead. Gallup informs us that, in this century, well over half of the population has agreed that the USA should play the leading or a major role in the world. The percentage in the punditocracy believing the USA must lead would be even higher.

Interventionists are becoming aware that they do not have a soulmate in the White House and they’re wagging their rhetorical fingers. “The fact is, though, that there is no alternative great power willing and able to step in“. “If nations in the South China Sea lose confidence in the United States to serve as the principal regional security guarantor, they could embark on costly and potentially destabilizing arms buildups to compensate or, alternatively, become more accommodating to the demands of a powerful China” warns the intervention-friendly Council on Foreign Relations. The US has an obligation to lead in North Korea. It must lead for “Middle East progress“. A former NATO GenSek proclaims the US must lead. “US should be the great force for peace and justice globally“. “The absence of American leadership has certainly not caused all the instability, but it has encouraged and exacerbated it.” The ur-neocon tells us that America must lead. Chaos is the alternative. Must resume (resume??!!) its imperial role (which apparently means even more military expenditure lest its military lead be lost). Innumerable more examples calling on the US to lead something/somewhere everything/everywhere can easily be found: it would be much more difficult to find one pundit advising the US to keep out of a problem somewhere than find twenty urging it to lead.

If I have understood him right, what would Trump see if he read this stuff? Lead, lead, lead… everything everywhere. The South China Sea, the Middle East and North Korea specifically but everywhere else too. More infrastructure repairs foregone so as to ensure what?… That ships carrying goods to and from China safely transit the South China Sea? “Friendly” governments installed in “Kyrzbekistan“? Soldiers killed in countries not even lawmakers knew they were in? 40,000 troops out there somewhere? Trying to double the Soviet record for being stuck in Afghanistan? How many bridges, factories or lives is that worth? Trump sees more entanglements but he sees no benefit. He’s a businessman: he can see the expense but where’s the profit?

How to get out of these entanglements? It’s too late to hope to persuade the legions bleating that “America must lead” and, even if they could be persuaded, there isn’t enough time to do so: they salivate when the bell rings. President Trump can avoid new entanglements but he has inherited so many and they are, all of them, growing denser and thicker by the minute. Consider the famous story of the Gordian Knot: rather than trying to untie the fabulously complicated knot, Alexander drew his sword and cut it. How can Trump cut The Gordian Knot of American imperial entanglements?

By getting others to untie it.

He walks out of the Paris Agreement (“a watershed moment when it comes to debating America’s role in the world“). And the TPP (“opened the door toward greater Chinese influence, and won’t benefit the U.S. economy in the slightest“). His blustering on Iran caused the German Foreign Minister to express doubts about American leadership. He brusquely tells NATO allies to pay their own way (“America’s NATO allies may be on their own after November if Russia attacks them“). By announcing Jerusalem as the capital of Israel he unites practically everybody against Washington and then uses that excuse to cut money to the UN. His trash talk on North Korea has actually started the first debate about the utility of military force we’ve seen for fifteen years. He pulls out of Syria (quietly and too slowly but watch what he doesn’t talk about). One last try in Afghanistan and then out. Re-negotiate all the trade deals to US benefit or walk away. Be disrespectful of all sorts of conventions and do your best to alienate allies so they start to cut the ties themselves (his tweet on the UK was especially effective). Attack the media which is part of the machinery of entanglement. Confiscate assets. It’s a species of tough love – rudely and brusquely delivered. He (presumably) glories in opinion polls that show respect for the USA as a world leader slipping. He doesn’t care whether they like him or not – America first and leave the others to it.

The Three Noes and One Yes policy will be achieved by others: others who realise that the USA is no longer going to lead and they will have to lead themselves. Or not. Perhaps, as the neocons love to say, US leadership was necessary in the immediate postwar situation, perhaps NATO served a stabilising purpose then but there has been nothing stabilising about US leadership in this century. Endless wars and destruction and chaos and loss. Thus abroad and – the part that Trump cares about – so at home. It’s not incompetence, as the people who fail Adams’ test tell themselves; it’s a strategy.

(All real theories must be falsifiable; let’s see in a year’s time whether the US is more entangled or less entangled. It should be pretty apparent by then and, by the end of Trump’s first term, obvious to all.)

#Wealth

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