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the-working-class-guide-to-films · 5 years

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Green Book

How does a guy who has made such hits as: Dumb and Dumber, There’s Something About Mary, Shallow Hal; go and make something like the Green Book. Decent films, but they’re trash. They’re good trash, but nonetheless, trash. The Green Book was such a profound film, that I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that Peter Farrelly, who directed this, also directed Movie 43, voted one of the worst films ever made.

Green Book is about the famous black jazz artist, Dom Shirley, who hires Tony Vallelonga an Italian to be his bodyguard/driver whilst Dom tours the deep south of America with his band. Both are very different characters, Dom being reserved and particular, Tony, loud and abrasive, and also not a fan of black people in general, especially when he is bossed around by one. As the film continues, we see how they both help each other to become a more rounded person, and how Tony learns to become a more thoughtful...well he stops being a racist.

I found the film very enjoyable. I thought both Viggo Mortensen as Tony and Mahershala Ali as Dom were brilliant. There chemistry on screen really made the audience connect to the characters, both fantastic. I can’t judge Adam Driver as I never saw BlacKKKlansman, but Ali from the others I have seen should win the Oscar for Best Supporting Actor. Viggo has it tougher, although he was great, I still think Bale in Vice should win Best Actor, he was exceptional. Whilst the two actors drove the story forward and really made it enjoyable, they weren’t the only things. The story was well controlled and the pacing was just right. I’ve heard criticisms of the film saying it wasn’t hard hitting enough. I thought for the 12A rating it was dark enough to give the message without showing too much violence. It obviously easily could’ve done more in that respect, but the film wasn’t showing the effect of racism on a country-wide scale, but on the personal level between the two friends. It done enough to show that, without being too much.

(i know this gif has absolutely nothing to do with Green Book, but man, Viggo, I love you)

I really loved everything about this movie, however it didn’t blow me away. It did feel a little bit too nice. That’s not meant to sound contradicting to my previous point, but I just felt something was missing from this film to make it really special. To give it 5 out of of 5 y’know.

4/5 There were a lot of good things about this movie. The story was powerful and got it’s message about understanding and welcoming without ramming it down your throat. Mortensen and Ali were both fantastic however and all credit should go to them for making this movie as good as it was.

p.s I’ve been contemplating doing this p.s, I still don’t know if I will or not. But I saw this film the day after the Liam Neeson fiasco. And I just wanted to say how important it is to talk and have conversations. This isn’t the best platform, because your point will never come across as you want it to. You can’t explain it as well as you would talking about this, so bear with. What this film done well was show that Viggo had racist ideas, it showed him putting two drinking glasses in a bin because black people drunk from them. We can all agree that’s racist right. By the end of the 2 hour film, and the journey that these two completely opposite men went on, Viggo changed. He wanted more than anything to be with his new friend, a black man. He invites him to dinner, and is torn up with him not being there. He is so happy when he does show up. He’s a different man. He’s not the man now who would put drinking glasses in the bin because a black man drunk from them. He’s changed for the good.

Liam Neeson had racist thoughts. He may not be a racist man now, but he did have racist thoughts 40 years ago. What’s important is that he has changed and is ashamed of his irrational thinking. I think it is so important that these conversations are held. It offers people the chance to be educated and put to right. I’m a white straight guy. I understand racism, but I do not know racism. I don’t know what that feels like. And I’m certainly not here to say that people should forgive Liam Neeson, or hold this against him. I just believe that difficult conversations like race, like sexuality and others need to be freely held to have some understanding, so we can see a different view point. Whenever something like this pops up, which seems to be more frequent, I try to ask my black friends their opinions on the matter. I trust my own moral compass enough to have my own thoughts and feelings, most of the time, they say what I thought, but sometimes they make me see another viewpoint that I hadn’t considered, or even thought about because I, as a white guy do not see, no matter how much I try to understand. And I think that it is incredibly important that conversations like this are held.

I think there is a problem with white people in the respect that they hear a black man they know and respect, John Barnes for example, say ‘Liam Neeson deserves a medal for having the courage to stand up and talk about this’ and then not consider that not every black person will think the same as this ONE black person. They will be annoyed and be like ‘well John is black and thought this, why don’t you?’. John Barnes is entitled to feel that way, and every black person is allowed to agree or disagree with him. It annoys me so much when I hear something like this. For the record, I don’t think Liam Neeson deserves a medal.

I think this goes back to the whole argument about patriotism and about being English. I’m proud to be English, I’ve got my England flags flying outside my window during the World Cup, and I will loudly moan if someone is queuing up stupidly, and I will slap my hands on my knees and say ‘best be off’ when I wanted to leave 2 hours ago. But I understand why people do not like England, or more centrally, the British Empire. The British Empire committed horrific atrocities across the globe, they were murderers, rapists, the worst bunch of twats you could come across. The problem is, we aren’t taught about these things at school. We are only taught about the good things, Churchill winning the war (not the genocide he caused in India), Henry the 8th, and other stuff that is pleasant. It’s only that I took history as a subject that you start learning that Western Civilization were the bad guys, e.g Britain and America. I learned about The Troubles in Ireland, and how the Brits were at fault. I learned about Native Americans, and again how it was the Brits and the Americans who basically caused genocide to their people. But if you have a conversation with someone who doesn’t know, because they haven’t been educated, or haven’t had serious and deep conversations about the failures of a culture we have grown up believing ‘We are the good guys’ then they will think you are a nutjob. Again, education and conversation are crucially important to creating a better society.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBy0FLAAwKQ

That’s a link to Trevor Noah talking about it. A lot funnier and eloquently put than me.

I know this has gone off topic, but I wanted to say this. Did Liam Neeson have racist thoughts. He sure did. Do I think that Liam Neeson is a racist person now? I don’t think it is up to me, a white guy, to determine if someone is or isn’t racist. I don’t think that white people, or anyone for that matter should just always get free passes to make mistakes. I think in 2019 the majority of people know the difference between wrong and right, and possibly only in youth are mistakes made. But I’m not naive enough to know that there are plenty of people old enough who continue to be, dicks. I just hope that we continue to have difficult conversations, I only believe it makes us grow, individually and collectively. And if you want to talk about this, if you think I’ve missed the point, or have something to add that would benefit me, then please, drop me a message. Don’t just call me a c*** like that one guy did when I said that Venom had some scenes that was full of toxic masculinity, that benefits nobody. Or even if you wanna talk about the film, which is what this blog was about, then please do that. Anyhoo, best be off!

#film #Film Review #movies #movie review #cinema #cinema review #new #green book #viggo mortensen #mahershala ali #liam neeson

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deadcactuswalking · 4 years

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 17/10/2020 (Headie One, D-Block Europe)

You know, I kind of expected a bigger impact from D-Block Europe given that this is their debut studio album. I guess maybe people are as sick of these guys as I am; the mixtapes they released got tracks higher on the chart than this, and that was without some of the big name features they had. Regardless, we still have nine songs to cover here, so... this week’s #1 is still “Mood” by 24kGoldn and iann dior, and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Dropouts & Returning Entries

Last week had two album bombs – or at least whatever you can call “album bombs” on a chart that tries its hardest to stop those from happening – so naturally there are quite a few drop-outs and returning entries from the UK Top 75. Two of each from 21 Savage with Metro Boomin and Bryson Tiller are gone from last week, with the only songs from both albums still on the chart being the ones with a “(feat. Drake)” in the title. Typical. None of the BLACKPINK songs from last week have stayed either. Other than those six, we also have a handful of notable drop-outs like “What’s Love Got to Do with It” by Kygo and Tina Turner, “Hallucinate” by Dua Lipa and “POPSTAR” by DJ Khaled and Drake, which probably just felt the impact of dumb UK chart rules about streaming. All of these are pretty decent songs – the first two could have peaked a lot higher – so what in the returning entries is coming to replace them? Well, we have “Wishing Well” by the late Juice WRLD back at #74 and a theme of long-running hip-hop tracks like “Dinner Guest” by AJ Tracey and MoStack back at #72 and “I Dunno” by Dutchavelli featuring Tion Wayne and Stormzy at #68, all of which peaked in the top 20. The biggest gain this week was for Fleetwood Mac’s “Dreams” which is in the top 40 this week and predicted to be even higher in the weeks to come, especially in the US. We usually send 40-year-old songs to #1 but the States seem to have caught up with that too. The biggest fall this week was for the debut last week, “Outta Time” by Bryson Tiller featuring Drake, plummeting from #24 to #58, which is understandable; I mean the only reason it got that high in the first place was because of Drake. Now, onto the new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#63 – “BLM” – OFB (Bandokay and Double Lz) featuring Abra Cadabra

Produced by N2theA

Like many people, fans and artists alike, due to the recent events in America and across the world, I’ve gained a renewed interest in protest music, particularly songs about systematic racism and police brutality. Many artists, including some of the biggest out right now like Lil Baby, have made songs about this recently but really this is not an isolated incident or chain of events. Rappers, musicians and activists have discussed these issues for years and the fact that the general public is finally latching onto some of it makes me hopeful. Seriously though, if you’re looking for a great song from a couple years back protesting against the same topic, “Don’t Don’t Do It!” by N.E.R.D. featuring Kendrick Lamar is right there. OFB is a drill collective from Tottenham, and the group actually contains some genuinely massive names, like Headie One and RV, but here, we just have Bandokay and Double Lz, as well as affiliate Abra Cadabra on the chorus. There’s also a sample of Coldplay here, which actually works as a melancholy piano component of this drill beat, even if it feels like a bizarre choice at first glance. I don’t really need to talk to you about the beat, right? In a song like this, content is what matters and, yeah, it makes a pretty solid case for itself sticking up to inhumane police officers, even if some of the lyrics do feel oddly surface level at times, particularly Abra Cadabra and Double Lz, even though he does have personal anecdotes to tell, but not as much as Bandokay on the first verse where he does get pretty damn in-depth.

There’s no evidence on S but 21 years got slapped to his chest / Yo, I just want P like Diddy, police on my back ‘cah I look like Pops

Bandokay is the son of the late Mark Duggan, a 29-year-old Black man who was unlawfully shot and killed by police in Tottenham in 2011, sparking protests and riots across Britain. This feels particularly profound but also unnerving from Bandokay because he sees himself as next in line for this treatment, talking about how it still haunts him and when he finds out about a friend of his getting life in prison, he’s stressed because he feels like it could very well be him locked up in there for reasons equally unjustified or clearly at the fault of minority disenfranchisement, particularly for young Black men who are driven to the streets because of it. Both Bandokay and Abra Cadabra discuss how gang culture is seen as an excuse for police officers to shoot, with the chorus digging into how because of the violence depicted in Black art due to segregation and societal issues still present in the modern world, that gives them the justification for assault and murder of innocent Black lives. Double Lz goes a bit off-topic here but I can’t say that recall of a phone conversation he had with his friend in jail doesn’t hit hard given the context, especially in a time where we feel more distant than ever with fellow humans. I don’t think it’s as good as “The Bigger Picture” but these guys definitely get my respect for this. Check it out.

#55 – “Proud” – D-Block Europe

Produced by Mind the Gap

And now for almost the exact opposite of social commentary, serious topics and melancholy production: D-Block Europe, although this isn’t actually D-Block Europe, it’s half of the band. Young Adz has three solo songs on this stupidly long album and Dirtbike LB has two, one of which has a feature so I’m pretty sure we all know who’s the Swae Lee in this British Rae Sremmurd... especially since Young Adz’s solo song debuted this high. The song is actually quite different from their standard fare at least in terms of lyrical content, with Adz going into the gang culture and its effect on his mental health, particularly his relationship and drug addiction. His off-beat nasal crooning here is actually kind of charming under these levels of Auto-Tune and a fast-paced trap beat that actually works a lot once it kicks in a minute and a half in. The second verse, particularly, is pretty excellent, where he dedicates the verse to his daughter, who he hopes will not follow in his footsteps of “lifestyles” but also promises her wealth and a continued faith in Islam. The way he talks about how he wants his daughter to succeed even if he dies and later on his companionship with Dirtbike LB is... kind of beautiful, honestly, and does make me look past the mixing issues and... interesting delivery from Young Adz. The uncredited whispery vocals from RAYE on the outro definitely add to the feel of the track and, yeah, I like this quite a lot more than I expected but it still doesn’t make me want to check out that album.

#53 – “I Miss U” – Jax Jones and Au/Ra

Produced by Jax Jones, Mark Ralph, Cass Lowe, Alex Tepper and Tom Demac

Hey, remember Au/Ra? Well, I didn’t either until I checked her Spotify page and saw she was behind that “Panic Room” song that I loved from last year, specifically the remix from CamelPhat – seriously, I’d like to see more on the charts from those guys too. I’m not sure Jax Jones will be able to live up to the brilliantly-constructed ominous future house of that song, but this is supposed to be a silly love or break-up song so I expect a cute, vaguely tropical radio-friendly dance-pop tune with some 90s deep house influence thrown in there, like most of Jax’s stuff ends up being. Anyone else kind of sick of this stuff? I know it gets plays in the clubs which are still in the UK and much of Europe, using this type of dance music, but this robotic draining of the emotion from generic break-up tunes sang by indie-adjacent women over a four-on-the-floor beat is something I’ve heard hundreds of times before. I know this has been a British staple for decades but the new-ish style of vocal drops and generally tired production is growing pretty stale for me at least. It can work when it does, and Au/Ra isn’t a bad fit for this slick, beeping production – this is a pretty okay song all things considered – but there’s not any warmth or quality in this type of stuff anymore, let alone variation. This song is fine but I do hope it kind of underperforms for Jax just to set a precedent that this is exhausting and honestly kind of a cheap ploy for plays at this point. Is that too harsh? Probably, but after two and a half years of seeing these types of songs every other week, it gets on your nerves.

#49 – “Not a Pop Song” – Little Mix

Produced by Robin Oliver Fred, Tayla Parx and MNEK, peaked at #37 in Ireland

Does that mean I don’t have to review it? I want to like this girl group, especially after they ditched the manufactured pop image from Syco and signed to another label that I assume does not treat him as horrifically, but I feel like the music hasn’t changed or gotten any more interesting at all. In fact, this song serves as kind of a diss track to Simon Cowell, and not in any way a subtle one at that. “I don’t do what Simon says”? I mean, don’t you guys also have a talent show you executive-produced, and is airing currently on the BBC? Sigh, well, is the song any good? Well, it tries a little bit more with that guitar loop but not with the clunky trap beat, the harmonised triplet flows in the pre-chorus that sound awkward, and most importantly, the lyrics, which are otherwise fine in how they represent the music industry, a corrupt and unfriendly business, but not in a way that feels like it’s revealing any secrets or anything that really hits. Especially the chorus, where that “I don’t give a what” chant just undermines the whole message. Shouldn’t the point be that now you CAN swear on your songs? I don’t know, this is just worthless but admittedly a lot more listenable than their last record so I’ll give it to them there, even if it is out of a clear effort to be as inoffensive as possible.

#46 – “Flowers” – Chip

Produced by Dready

So, in Chip’s pretty garbage verse on “Waze” earlier this year, he took some shots at an underground artist that many assumed were shots at Stormzy, who commented on this with some subliminals on “I Dunno”. Naturally, in response to this light-hearted beef from two former good friends all based on misinterpretation, Stormzy pulled up to the guy’s house, with only Chip’s brother and sister being home. His sister even felt the need to pull out a kitchen knife to defend herself, so, yeah, I have no sympathy for Stormzy here. Unless this is based on personal drama that we don’t know of, he really unnecessarily escalated this petty dispute. Hence, Chip has two diss tracks here, this is the first of them; the other didn’t chart. To quote Chip’s manager, Ashley Rae, who is also name-dropped in the song: Stormzy pulled up unannounced to Chip’s building with three other people. The building was secure with gates and an intercom system. He didn’t knock. He came in and was posted in the car park screaming for Chip to come outside. After being told to leave twice as Chip wasn’t home, he refused and made his way to Chip’s apartment on the top floor where family were inside and it got heated. He caused a commotion so the neighbours called the police. This diss track seems to share my view of the situation; Chip even briefly brings up the political climate as he talks about how Stormzy should have expected the police to be called – after all, when people in Essex see black men shouting outside a building, regardless of their innocence, the authorities seem to get involved. In this diss track, Chip calls back to other disses he’s made, notes his disappointment in Stormzy collaborating with Ed Sheeran when he’s the one who escalated to potential violence – you’d think he’d be smarter not to risk his image – and sending some personal shots at his break-up with Maya Jama, which actually made me chuckle, particularly when he says that a throwaway track on a collaborative album seems to have incited a bigger reaction than that long-term relationship coming to an end. He goes even deeper into how he thinks Stormzy’s activism is hypocritical if he wants to incite black-on-black violence by pulling up to Chip’s house, and references the late 2Pac and Pop Smoke and... okay, he just ravages Stormzy here, and it helps that this beat is menacing, even if I don’t like Chip’s delivery or voice, as I never have. “Killer MC”, the other diss track, is a lot vaguer and with a pretty chaotic beat which Chip can barely flow on, so yeah, I’m glad this one charted. Man, a lot of aggressive, lyrically-focused songs today, huh?

#34 – “Destiny” – D-Block Europe

Produced by Jony Beats

And just like that, they appear. This is our second and last song from that D-Block Europe album debuting this week, and it’s only high because of a video anyway – that and the fact it’s the first on the album. Otherwise, this is typical D-Block Europe fare, albeit this time with a hilarious but absolutely pointless 30-second acoustic guitar intro that just consists of the guys whispering “Destined” with as much reverb as possible. Dirtbike LB is actually on the hook this time, making it even more lethargic. Young Adz is filling in empty space with ad-libs again, including his signature “SKI!”, and in his first verse here, I genuinely laughed out loud after that booming “bow-bow-bow-bow” vocal interlude coming out of nowhere. It honestly caught me off-guard. I kinda like Young Adz’s pretty energetic flow here though, and he definitely plays with the boring trap beat in a way that is pretty funny. He feels the need to say “Happy G-day” to a person in the booth with him, which shows that he’s freestyling at least some of this stuff, which is kind of impressive. He “endorses” new straps, which is just funny wording to me, as is when he says 9 Goddy “had” Norwich, like he just owned the city – although, as a fellow East Midlander, I kind of appreciate the shout out. My favourite part in the verse is probably his attempt at 2012 hashtag-rap, where he says “half a mil’, mortgage”, but the beat cuts out when he mutters a wimpy “rurr” ad-lib, and that almost forgives his weedy delivery and gross Auto-Tune. I think “Rurr, mortgage” makes up for the chorus, “Break a brick like Tetris”. Honestly, I get why people prefer Adz’s energy and funny content because the only thing to laugh at with Dirtbike LB’s bleak, almost depressing lyrics about materialism, meaningless sex and drug addiction, is how he phrases everything in a manner that is uniquely middle-class and polite, especially in this verse, and how he just seems to be accepting the dark topics he talks about in his verse with a shrug of his shoulders. It’s kind of concerning, I mean, I don’t like the music but I hope he’s okay. In conclusion, the song’s fine and honestly I kind of love the first verse but that chorus is dull and really it’s a pretty poorly-mixed trap cut. To be honest, if there’s more of this energy from Adz on the album, I might just check it out. The guy’s growing on me recently.

#29 – “Cool with Me” – Dutchavelli and M1llionz

Produced by The Fanatix

Apparently this guy is Stefflon Don’s brother, and now that she has been pretty quiet recently, I guess it’s time for Dutchavelli to step into the limelight, and he’s bringing fellow Birmingham rapper M1llions with him for a song with not much of a chorus to speak of. Instead, Dutchavelli and M1llionz trade verses and bars for three minutes over a pretty banging drill beat, with an eerie choral sample throughout and honestly pretty great verses from the two of them here. Dutchavelli sounds really aggressive here and I love the yelling in the ad-libs, even if it adds to some questionable vocal mixing throughout. M1llionz’s casual, meandering flow and cadence works really well in contrast, even if really nothing is said here other than gunplay and flexing. The beat feels like it never properly drops at all, and it just slides out abruptly by the end, but if this is an intro track to an upcoming album with a following track that drops us straight into it, I could see this working. As is, well, I’ve not got much to say about it but this is decent.

Also, I’d like to point out Dutch’s Wikipedia page, particularly the “in popular culture” section.

Dutchavelli has gained a reputation for being a hard man. This paired with his large stature has lead to a proliferation of memes relating to this within popular culture such as 'When Dutchavelli goes to a club, he asks the bouncer for ID'.

God, I love Wikipedia.

#24 – “Parlez-Vouz Anglais” – Headie One featuring Aitch

Produced by Al Hug and Ambezza

Okay, so our last two songs are both from Headie One and his overly long, 20+ track album he released last week, Edna. Do you see a trend with these British rap artists and debut albums? To be fair, I am more interested in this album, and I’ll probably listen to it after writing this. The feature list looks pretty good – I mean, it’s got Drake, Kenny Beats, Skepta and ironically, Young Adz on a song that did NOT chart this week – and I really loved “Both” from last year, so it’s probably worth checking out at least some of the songs. This song, however, was not one of those I was interested in. Man, I’m so angry I come back to this show and get back-to-back weeks with high debuts from rappers featuring this pioneer of gentrified drill music. He’s already made a song romanticising French women and high fashion as well, so it’s not like this is new territory for the guy. Admittedly, I do enjoy this cute, lounge-y elevator music sample but it feels pretty drowned-out by both the bog-standard UK drill beat and awkward flows from both, who are doing a similar thing to Dutchavelli and M1llionz did in the last song we talked about, but with more repetition to fill up time and more trading bars between the two, as well as an actual chorus, which is about as dull as bricks. Both Aitch and Headie have uninteresting flows and use awkward ad-libs to disguise a clear lack of any attempts at good wordplay or content that goes any further than worryingly blatant misogyny from Aitch and constant flexing. It’s not interesting, and it’s not good either.

#11 – “Princess Cuts” – Headie One featuring Young T & Bugsey

Produced by iO and TobyShyBoy

I’m not surprised this was the track that debuted this high. Thanks to TikTok picking up “Don’t Rush”, which is a brilliant song by the way, this group isn’t just big in the UK like most of these rappers, they are genuinely global superstars for the British hip hop scene and I love that. They made Aitch’s debut onto the charts both listenable and promising on “Strike a Pose” (It’s really a feat) and are constantly bringing smooth flows and Bugsey’s really nice voice over good production. They are more than deserving of being how British hip hop is viewed worldwide, even as they got onto the Hot 100 with Headie One earlier this year. I was surprised too. So, yeah, I’m excited to hear this new collaboration between the two artists, and, surprise, surprise, it’s really good. I love the nostalgic early-mid-2000s R&B beat especially with that slick Latin guitar and pounding bass groove. I love Young T singing on the hook over really beautiful vocodered samples and funky keys in the instrumental. I love Headie’s pretty impressive and at times smooth flow in his two verses. I love how Young T & Bugsey share a sing-songy cadence in their verse. Man, I love everything about this song sonically, and content-wise, the lyrics don’t really leave that much to be desired either. Sure, it’s pretty much just towing the line between a hook-up jam and flexing, but there’s enough funny lines and convincing delivery to make this worth checking out. I also love how Headie starts the smooth, sexy hook-up jam with “My young boy got the stick like Moses with the Israelites” in his deep, gruff tone, which is just comedy gold. Headie also takes time to praise the Lord and show his limited knowledge of geography, which is either insensitive to Asians or satirical depending on how you look at it. Either way, it works and it’s funny. This is just an incredible song and I hope it sticks around. Check it out.

Conclusion

There’s actually not much here to complain about, even with D-Block Europe’s two songs here. Little Mix take the Dishonourable Mention for “Not a Pop Song” and Worst of the Week is going to Headie One for “Parlez-Vouz Anglais” featuring Aitch but I might as well balance that out by giving the guy Best of the Week for “Princess Cuts” with Young T & Bugsey. I don’t want Stormzy to pull up to my house next, so I’ll delay on giving Chip the Honourable Mention, but that is instead going to “BLM” by Bandokay, Double Lz and Abra Cadabra for simply being necessary, although I’m scared to admit Young Adz was pretty close here. I don’t know what’ll happen next week – hopefully not that new Kanye song – but here’s the top 10 for Friday’s chart:

You can follow me @cactusinthebank for occasional political Twittage and I’ll see you next week.

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laurlovescookies · 7 years

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Kadam Week, Prompt One: Allergy

Kadam Week Prompt One- One prompts an accidental allergic reaction in the other. Food? Itchy Material? Noxious Cologne? Pets?

So, Adam has a strawberry allergy that Kurt doesn’t know about. Some angst, but also fluff, along with a scene based on a famous one from Love Actually. ^_^ I hope you enjoy!

This wasn’t how he imagined spending his vacation.

Adam inhaled the hospital scents of antiseptic and ultra-grade ammonia, something he hadn’t smelled since he was a small boy with appendicitis. His feet clicked back and forth together—no place like home, no place like home—from where he lay in the emergency room, waiting for the nurse to return. Kurt squeezed his hand and Adam smiled up at him, still not quite trusting his sore throat enough to speak. His boyfriend smiled tremulously back at him, but it didn’t touch his still-swollen eyes. And it might’ve been the lighting, but he looked pale, very pale, probably more so than Adam.

“I’m so sorry,” Kurt says miserably, for what had to be the tenth time that hour. Adam squeezes his hand more tightly. If Adam had a dollar for every apology Kurt’s desperately gave him this afternoon, he would be substantially-less concerned about repaying his student loans.

Not four hours ago they’d been enjoying a stormy morning lazing in front of the telly with hot cups of tea in Adam’s father’s flat in Wessex. They’d been staying there for the past two weeks on summer vacation while Adam’s father had been touring in Scotland with his band.

Curled up on the sofa with Kurt, absently stroking both his boyfriend and the cat sitting hotly in his lap, Adam had thought again how utterly nice it was, how much he would’ve liked to freeze the moment still, and again what a lucky person he was. Kurt looked up at him and smiled—Adam’s favorite, the ones where his eyes narrowed at the ends.

“Oh my God. Could we possibly be any more British than we are right now?” Kurt teased him with no real ire, nudging him and Adam laughed. “Seriously, we’re having tea while it’s raining outside, and we’re watching the Great British Bake-off. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were trying to keep me here.”

“Is it working?” Adam asked innocently, and it was Kurt’s turn to laugh. He looked at the television again and shook his head.

“Still, that trifle he’s making doesn’t look very good. I know they have a pretty short time to make these things, but I bet I could do a better job.”

“I’m sure you could. Just not so well as what I would prepare.”

Kurt looked at him incredulously.

“Wha—ice, ice baby! Okay, you can’t already know that.”

“Oh, but I can,” Adam said in mock seriousness, smiling broadening when Kurt shook him playfully. “We Brits bleed trifle and pudding and all that rot.”

Kurt crossed his arms. “You’re talking to the guy whom grew up with a father whose culinary expertise stopped at cereal, toast, scrambled eggs, and frozen pizza. I asked my dad to start reading me cookbooks at age nine.” He narrowed his eyes when Adam let out a small snort. “My trifle could kick your trifle’s big white butt.”

Adam quipped an eyebrow. “Baby talk smack,” he said mildly, and Kurt had to laugh at that one. “Yes, well, my beatnik parents considered instant noodles an entire section on their food pyramid. And everyone swears by the eggnog trifle I make every Christmas Eve.”

“Well, only one way to find out,” Kurt said briskly, hopping to his feet. Adam looked up at him in surprise as his boyfriend extended a hand. “You and I are going head to head in the kitchen, like real men.”

“Real men fight with trifles?”

“Only if they’re manly enough.”

Adam accepted the hand and rose. “But we don’t have the ingredients necessary for trifle.”

“That’s why you need to grab your coat,” Kurt called over his shoulder, already marching to the door. “It’s on, sweetheart, it’s on.”

Bemused, Adam could only shake his head, smile, and hurry after. The sad fact was, if Kurt wanted them to rush outdoors in the pouring rain to purchase pirate costumes, Adam in all likelihood would’ve happily gone along.

God, he was stupidly in love, and it felt marvelous.

-O-

They’d had to huddle together under one umbrella, which Adam hadn’t really minded, and Kurt insisted they split up in the market in order to keep their recipes a surprise. “I won’t have you copying my recipe!” Kurt exclaimed as he hurried down the produce aisle. Adam snickered.

“Be prepared to put up or shut up, dahling.”

So he’d bought his ingredients, and they met outside with their purchases in paper bags. They’d headed home after that, making nauseatingly corny food puns.

They agreed to work back to back in the kitchen as they prepared their treats, Kurt singing softly as he chopped something. Something nudged pointedly in Adam’s mind, but he couldn’t quite figure out what.

After the trifles had been refrigerated, both of them prepared to dig in each other’s dessert, smirking all the while. “Be prepared to eat crow, Adam.”

“Did you put crow inside of this, dahling?”

“Oh, just eat.”

Adam obliged, but after the first spoonful realized he’d made a terrible mistake—his eyes widened and he spat the trifle out, doubling over and clapping a hand over his mouth, which stung as if actively being attacked by bees. Kurt’s hand was on his shoulder at once.

“Is it that bad? Sweetie? Sweetheart, are you—“ Kurt gasped when Adam looked up at him, eyes watering, face flushing, wheezing. Honey? Honey, what—“

“Strawberries,” Adam barely managed to gasp, shuddering at his own stupidity. He’d never told Kurt. “I can’t—“

Kurt tripped over his own feet racing for his phone, and once the paramedics had been called he locked an arm over Adam’s shoulders, apologizing again and again as Adam fought to take shivery breaths.

-O-

The sister came back smiling, which was a profound relief to them both. “Good thing you got here when you did—some people’s throats close up,” she said mildly, and Adam heard Kurt cringe. “Thankfully we won’t need to keep you overnight, though we’ll send you home with some oral steroids and painkillers. That should clear you up, though if you aren’t feeling better in a day or two you should call your doctor.”

Kurt thanked her and they checked out shortly after, Kurt hailing a taxi at the curb. He looked absolutely miserable and Adam looped his arm around his.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.” His head sagged, and Adam tipped his chin up with a fingertip so Kurt could see him vigorously shake his head. “I’m such a thoughtless idiot. I could’ve had you killed—“

That seemed a bit much, so Adam hugged him. Kurt hugged back tightly, though he couldn’t smile now. Adam’s heart sank from where it seemed lodged in his throat.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Adam was going to start charging him a pound every time he said that. He would’ve liked to say something to that effect, but he still didn’t trust his throat, and if he sounded horrible (which he suspected he would) Kurt would drown himself in the nearest puddle.

The apologies were intermittent throughout the ride home, and Adam finally had to kiss Kurt in order to silence him.

When they returned, Adam took the dry erase board and marker down from the kitchen wall and wrote, I’ll be in the shower. It should help the rash.

“Do you need anything?” Kurt asked anxiously, and while Adam briefly considered asking Kurt to join him, he knew he wasn’t in the mood. He wasn’t hungry in the slightest, but if Kurt couldn’t feel helpful he’d spend the next half-hour wringing his hands, more dejected than he already was.

He wrote, Would you mind making some broth for dinner? I could eat that.

Kurt brightened a bit at that. “Of course. Of course; I’ll make chicken and rice soup. That’s easy enough to fix, but if you want anything else, let me know and I’ll go back to the store.”

Adam shook his head, smiled, scribbled a Thank you with a heart, and Kurt’s mouth twitched a bit at that, though he still looked profoundly happy, which made Adam feel guilty. He ought to have told Kurt about his allergy, but the subject never came up. He slowly retreated to the bathroom, thinking he would’ve traded feeling worse for Kurt’s feeling better.

-O-

Kurt slowly stirred the contents of the pot, tasting occasionally but not hungry either. He screwed up his face as he listened to the water in the room next door, praying it was enough to somewhat clear up the angry-looking blotches on Adam’s skin. He would have to rub Adam down with his expensive creams and moisturizers tonight, and if that wasn’t testament to how much Kurt adored him, he wasn’t sure what was.

He paused stirring, staring into the soup as if it held the answer to his awful questions: Had he sabotaged the best relationship he’d ever had? Was Adam going to break up with him over this? How could he have been so careless? Certainly none of his friends had ever been allergic to the strawberry cheesecakes he’d prepared when his Glee friends came over to his house, but he ought’ve been more considerate.

A pair of arms wrapped around his shoulder and he looked up in surprise; he hadn’t heard the water turn off. Adam was wrapped in a towel, the dry-erase board tucked under his arm.

He wrote, Don’t be sad.

Kurt’s face fell a little at that one and he hastily wrote, I wouldn’t trade this afternoon with you for doing something else with anyone else.

Now Kurt was looking at him as if he’d lost his mind. Smiling, he wrote,

Because you are my favorite person.

Now Kurt was looking a little flushed now. Adam erased his last sentence with the corner of his towel, and wrote, I ought to have told you. It could’ve happened to anyone. I’m really not angry, but if you really want to help me, you’ll smile.

Kurt managed a half-hearted, sheepish one. Adam gave him a reproving look.

You can do better than that.

And Kurt smiled, a real one, and Adam leaned in for a kiss, which turned into two, three, Adam’s hands cupping Kurt’s face. Kurt’s hands came up as if they wanted to do the same, but lowered in fear of hurting Adam’s skin. They drew back, their lips making a little pop.

Let’s have my trifle for dessert. You’re not allergic to chocolate or dairy are you?

Kurt snorted quietly, eyes glinting with affectionate amusement. “No allergies on my part.”

Good. And if you’d like to help me through this very difficult time, you’ll have to concede that I’m the best dessert chef you’ve ever met.”

“Absolutely not,” said Kurt immediately, putting his hands on his hips. “You do realize we’re having a re-match as soon as you get better, and my strawberry-less recipe will still blow yours out of the water.”

God, but Adam liked him.

#kadam week 2017 #glee #glee fanfiction #kadam #kadam fanfic #kurt hummel #adam crawford

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